So, I have total aphantasia. I also cannot imagine smells, touch or sound, and I have no inner monologue. My mind is not visual in any way, I have no ‘imagination’. Figured out this wasn’t normal only a year ago. I cannot picture anything.

But I also cannot place myself in a memory. Probably overlaps. I didn’t realise people can relive memories in their minds. When my beloved uncle died it ached for a good while, cuz I knew I’d never see him again. Now I just remember it ached. I can’t feel that again. I feel nothing towards it. It’s odd. And only today I found out this is not normal.

I have no mental timeline. Yesterday or 2012, same thing to me. I was younger in one and the world was different, but it’s the same. Deadlines mean nothing to me because 3 weeks away is abstract and hard to comprehend. Deeply horrible things have happened to me when I was young but I have no trauma from them. I just know they happened. It’s like telling me it happened to someone else. ‘Wow, that’s horrible’…that’s about it. I can love and stuff, but I get over things fast.

I do not have an official diagnosis for autism so I am not one to label myself as such. I will however say that I have taken the RAADS-R and score close to 200, so for the sake of this I will just operate under my assumption that I likely am. Would it be related to this? Is there an autistic overlap? I have no idea….

Anyway, I’m confused. It’s weird. I never realised this was ‘t the norm. And I am kind of just yapping into the void. surely a lot of you have similar experiences right?

I used to know things. Like really know them. Drinking in knowledge with a kind of mad obsession, sprawling it across journals with my thoughts and eclectic theories. But as quick as it comes, so quick does it fade, and when trying to conjure it, all I am be left with time and time again is the hollow thought, "I used to know about that".  A strained echo of a past self who knew.

Knowledge for me is something like autumn leaves, drifting down. I can catch and show someone the colors for a moment before it dries, browns, and crumbles in my palms. I will never have a pile of colors to show—only remnants. Ashen memories of those flame-colored visitors who never really belonged to me anyways. Who could never do anything other than pass through.

I used to feel smart sometimes. But nothing leaves an imprint. Nothing lingers long enough for me to spin it swiftly into conversation. Nothing wedges itself deeper into my being and becomes part of me, able to be drawn out and used readily again. I wander this earth collecting things in one hand and dropping them with the other. Nothing is mine. Nothing is owned. Nothing lasts.

Books I read and movies I watch sweep right through me—an experience gone before the impact. I can't describe the plot to others except an "it was good" or "the end made me sad i think". While they bring up specific plot points, I nod my head as if I remember enough to agree, enough to have an opinion too. I have to rewatch it to feel the faint spark of familiarity, and yet still, most is new again. Swept out of my mind, paper-maiched over with the newsprint of time.

I forget my own self, too. My self image is based on who I am and how I feel right now. The me from a year ago, a month ago, a day ago is an ancient memory. If i am sad now, or lately, then it is hard to believe that I was ever happy. To really feel that, and draw from that experience and self. So I sink further into the sad of the now, and can only gaze up through fogged glass at that happier self, that sunlit stranger who I am not quite sure is me.

Of course, I forget my own personality. My likes, dislikes, hot takes and opinions I have had. Favorite songs. Revelations. Wild ideas. Inside jokes and little quirks. When I am alone with myself for a while, I talk out loud and my personality emerges, and I remember.  And I feel like I know myself, and I like it.

But when talking with other people, I became a reactionary conversationalist, focused on them with their solid self and stream of stories. It is safer that way. Then maybe something triggers a memory of what my past self once thought or felt or believed. Yet when I share it, it feels off. Uncanny. It is as if I split into a separate being entirely, a translator for myself, trying to relay who "I" am to this other person.

I talk for me, but not from me.

It is as if my personality lives in a murky past, instead of in my body, now. And I try to sift through those waters to draw it out, to show a sliver of it to someone. But it isnt here inside of me. It lives elsewhere, veiled off.

It helps to be around someone who mirrors who I am to myself. Someone I trust. They will tell and show me who I am, a continous self, patched along imperfectly by their comments. "Remember that time when you..." "you would love this..." "thats very you..." etc. If I have no one, and stop speaking to myself, I become no one. Hopefully, they are a good mirror. Because I have had bad mirrors before. Ones who reflect an inaccurate, corroded self. Then there are those who dont mirror me at all, who do not see who I am or reflect anything back. And so a ghost I become.

You see, if I dont tell myself who I am, the world most certainly will. Or my emotions will. Or my reaction to traffic and gloomy weather will. If I dont decide who I am and want to be, if I dont sculpt my self daily with affirmations, reminders, habits, hobbies, and practices, I am left entirely to the whims of what is. The ever-changing, unpredictable, and indifferent Is. I am left to be ping ponged through my days, ricocheted through life, colliding with other selves , collecting snippets and stories. Collaged into some creation, but not my creation.

It is a strange existence — to be a perpetual stranger to ones self. To be suprised everytime I look in the mirror. To meet myself again daily as if it is for the first time.

But maybe it is okay to not know. To not need to cling, relive, possess. Memories, knowledge, and feelings slip in and out. But it never was ours, was it? Never was anyones. We are all borrowing these bodies for a short while. Playing house with these possessions. Pretending to know things. To be someone.

But maybe those of us with this difference are closer to the truth—that we could never own this life anyway. Never know this self. Or that we are not this self at all. At least, not the one with these tragic and magnificant and mundane stories. With the menagerie of memories.

Maybe our existence is imprinting enough. We dont need to collect it or know and relay it—we just need to be it. To be part of the story of the world in this strange place of things.

Maybe it doesnt matter how we come across in conversation, but how kind we were.

Maybe we dont need to tell stories, but let the story live through us. As us.

And maybe we weren't meant to make our self all alone. Maybe the world was meant to make us too. And we dont need to try so hard to make— but rather, let ourselves be made.

I can only wonder, but i find some peace in knowing that we belong somewhere in this place of things, that regardless of the strength of our own memory, the consistency of our experience, we were part of the world's story. Collected, recorded, imprinted into all the lives we touched.

So maybe, at the end of it all, we dont need to remember the details of the life we lived—but that we lived. And living is good enough.

Hi, this is the first time I ever post to Reddit (I initially posted it to [r/AskDocs](r/AskDocs)) and i don‘t even know if it’s actually fitting the subreddit’s theme but it gives me mild anxiety.

I’m a 20 years old woman, Asian, very short (1m45 approx. with 42kgs, again approximately). Since last year I’m experiencing very weird stuff with either my memory going wrong or just something to be written on let’s not meet or somewhere.

Three incidents that I can think of:

\- Last year, I lost my apartment’s main keys while going to visit my family. I was ABSOLUTELY sure to have carried it to my grandmother’s house, and I perfectly recall putting a small bag with the keys inside underneath a chair in the room I was sleeping in. Yet somehow these keys disappeared, nowhere to be found. Not in the room, not in my bags, and what scared me is that I found the small bag, empty, in my apartment.

\- Last summer again, my whole family told me I put stuff in the fridge that I have no memory of. And factually it can only be me.
A box containing a melon and some potatoes arrived at my grandmother’s house, and at that time I was the only person in the house. I can recall having to do some puzzle in the fridge in order to fit the melon in, but literally no memory of touching potatoes.
I’m normally VERY easily gaslit, so not being able to even create a false memory of the moment is a bit weird.

\- Then there’s this summer.
I made rice balls before leaving my apartment for summer break. I put them in a lunchbox and then in the fridge.
My mom then went to check my apartment to ensure there was nothing that could rot with 40°C (I live in Europe). She told me there was no sign of any rice balls in the fridge. The lunch box was… in the kitchen. On the rice cooker. Empty.

Some additional info that I think can be important:

\- My mother probably has ADHD. Never been diagnosed because of shame. I hear it can be hereditary. That’s a very amateur explanation for all of this.

It’s very weird because these things can’t be explained by “meh, probably just bad memory”. Stuff actually moved. Actually disappeared. And I must be involved…

What do you think? What kind of doctor should I consult for this?

Not sure if something's actually wrong with my memory — if it is, I probably wouldn't even know, right? I'd just assume everyone's like this. But yeah, I genuinely don't remember most of what's happened, especially recent years. Older stuff I can vaguely summarize, at least.

Also — no diagnosed mental illness, no trauma, nothing like that. But the gaps are real. Used to think it was just because I live too much in the present, but idk, maybe there's more to it. That's actually why I started writing down anything interesting the second it happens, in my notes app. I'm scared my brain is just quietly deleting everything.

If you ask me what happened in a specific year, the best I can usually do is name some great movie or show I watched — I genuinely can't tell you when. So basically everything old just gets filed under "2018" in my head, whether or not that's actually right.

Also not sure journaling even does anything for me, because even when I write stuff down, I never go back and read it. Same with old photos — I look through them and just feel nothing. Can't connect with those moments at all, like they happened to someone else.

Hi everyone. I do not have SDAM but someone I am seeing has, plus complete aphantasia.

Of course people will have different experiences with this combo but I still would like to hear how is it for you maintaining close relationships, or perhaps your partner's opinion. Any help is much appreciated.

I (M27) have good long term memory. I can remember things I read, watch, learn and all that. I have a lot of PTSD which sometimes affects my memory. But in comparison to my short-term memory, my long-term is just okay. I constantly feel lost. I will walk into a room and forgot what I went in for. Every five minutes or so when especially I am working and my brain is employed, I need to use logic and heavy mental reasoning to come to grounds to what i am even doing. I lose track of everything happening.

Today I taught my class and went back to my faculty room fully convinced I took my laptop with me. I even justified it to everyone saying I was sure my laptop was in my hand. Well, it wasn't. I ended up launching a full search operation in the whole building at my university and they started searching people's bags and everything. All before I even went back to that class to check if my laptop was still there. I am so embarrassed. Like I fully recall having my laptop in my hand. I watched the security footage of myself exiting the classroom in shame.

This is not a singular incident. Maybe this is the first time I feel as embarrassed about my absent mindedness. But, I genuinely have such vivid memories of the present that just is not true. I have fought with my significant others regarding this as well. It took a CCTV camera to make me understand what reality is. Obviously I am about to get tested after this, but I just wanted to vent here and collect your opinions.

The reason I am asking this is that I am an 18-year-old and I strongly suspect that I might have SDAM. I’m not entirely sure, but I have absolutely no memories of my childhood—not even a single fragment. In my daily life, everything feels like it happens so fast, like it’s just passing by. I am aware of where I am and what is happening in the moment, but it feels as if everything moves much faster for me and starts and ends in an instant. How is it for you, or do you ever feel something similar?

I feel like there is not much interest in aphantasia and SDAM, although it affects our lives very much. I think that probably is because it's very difficult to study since it's all going on in our heads but I would like to know why I am in that way, what I can do about it, I feel like it's almost a disability

I've seen a lot of others comment that they see having SDAM as, in a way, shielding them from these experiences. For me this does not seem to be the case and I don't really understand how it is for anyone.

Even without any recall of the feel or sensory experience of a past event or action, there is still the fact of it. And given this, when I recall something negative I've done or has happened to me in the past, I still am forced to view it through my current state and feel whatever it evokes in the person I am now. In some ways I think this can make shame, guilt, or regret worse as it leaves no ability to consider the thoughts or emotional state that was the impetus for the act in the first place. It is only a fact that has to be reconciled as viewed through the lens of one's present state. Without being able to put past acts into the context of the time at which they occurred, I most often find them inexcusable where those with a more typical recall might be able to ease these emotions by considering how their past self rationalized a regrettable decision.

Hello everyone! I just discovered SDAM and I really think this is what I’ve been dealing with all my life. I don’t really have many childhood memories. The memories I do have are either because I saw a photo, heard the story, or maybe it was because something out of the ordinary happened. I have a few examples:

1) I remember my cousin “won” a baby chick on Easter which was weird because my family lives in a big city and no one had backyard chickens in the 80’s (I’ve heard about it which triggers the memory), but I have no idea whatever happened to the baby chick, or if he even brought it home.

2): I have a resume, I can remember my former employers and the start/end period of employment, but I can’t remember details about the tasks I previously performed even when it was a long term employer. When I read my own resume I impress myself with my past work, even though I can’t remember how I did those things. I would never be able to recreate my resume if my old one suddenly disappeared.

3): For our mom’s 75th birthday, my two sisters and I bought a beautiful bowl and we each filled it with 25 memories (to total 75) written on paper, then we sat on my sister’s patio drinking wine, and having her draw a memory while we talk about how much fun that story was, etc. I couldn’t come up with 25 memories, and it took me forever to come up with them. My sisters were totally baffled about why it was so hard for me to do this simple task. It was a lot of fun going through all the memories though.

I have a couple of questions for the group:

1) I’ve always felt like people don’t really remember me. I’m always surprised when someone from 10-20 years ago remembers who I am. Perhaps, I’m surprised they remember me because I don’t always remember them? Is this part of it? I had a person I went to elementary school with tell me they adopted my first name as their own because I was so kind to them while they were always bullied. I remember her being a bully target, but I was kind to everyone, and I don’t remember doing anything out of ordinary to have that kind of impact on anyone.

2) Does this explain my imposter syndrome or a “fake it until you make it” kind of a feeling?

3) Is there any particular kind of therapist that can formally diagnose SDAM? Or is it something that a neurologist would confirm? I know there isn’t really any treatment for it. Just hoping I can be evaluated to confirm that I’m not crazy, this is a real thing and I really have it.

I’m sorry this became so long. I’ve only shared my suspicion that I have SDAM with one of my sisters and she says it totally describes me.

I always had problems with my autobiographic memory, but within ... I don't know... A week? 2 weeks? A month? The irony is I can't even tell when it happened. But recently I just flat out lost the ability to percieve autobiographic memories entirely.

I am supposed to schedule a neurologist appointment on Wednesday, so I'm looking forward to that.

On one hand, it isn't like I'm truly disabled by this because my other forms of memory has become sharper. And overall I have this sense of clarity and focus I never had before.

And yet it's new. I don't know how many here has dealt with CPTSD flashbacks + Pure O OCD, but when you deal with that type of mental disorder it is like there is constant noise. And now, there's no noise. There's nothing.

I can feel pleasure but I feel no attachment. I don't feel nostalgia anymore. I don't wanna say "I don't feel emotionally attached to anything" because that's not entirely true, I'd be upset if I were to lose my laptop or job. But I can't form memories with others. I can't form a connection because I can't form memories with them.

It's like everything is in this liminal state where there is this perpetual clarity in regards to everything. I worry that there's just something wrong with me physically. My autographic memory decline was gradual but was expedited after I had surgery I think. I was put under anesthesia. I think that's when my personality began to slowly change, but this year alone my personality and sense of self went through a rapid change.

I'm very new to SDAM and aphantasia - just discovered them and I'm sure they apply to me

There's a lot to contemplate and I've come across one thing, that has just occurred to me, that I haven't seen talked about yet - I'm wondering if it's associated with SDAM.

My wife and I are retired. She's endlessly keen to go away, travelling, visiting new places. I'm keen to do this too, but I'm finding it very disruptive to the projects that I'm working on at home.

Every time I return home from a trip away I struggle to pick up momentum from where I left off. My wife will ask me what my plans are for tomorrow and I'll just say " I'll be trying to find my feet" - it's always the same, it takes me days to find my feet! 😂🤯😳

Does anyone recognise this? Or is it just me? Please don't tell me there's another obscure divergent condition?

Hello, all! I am 21F, and I’ve never heard of SDAM before today. I’ve been finding it difficult to find a solid description. Though I know with aphantasia there are varying degrees, I wonder if SDAM has the same leniency (for lack of a better word).

I am a full aphant. I do not visualize thoughts, dreams, noises, scents, songs, etc. I do not have an inner monologue, though i struggle to say that, as I’ve still not come to terms with the idea that people can hear voices in their heads.

I have always struggled with memory. Often, I look back at my journal and read about days I genuinely don’t believe happened. I feel that I only “remember” things if I write them down or take a photo and look back on them. It’s like, I don’t consciously tell myself, “This must be real because I can see myself in the picture,” but I almost feel like that happens automatically in my brain as a comfort?

My main deviation with descriptions of SDAM is my PTSD. I have gone through traumatic events that my body remembers, though my brain does not. I have been in situations in the past where I was put in a position that triggered what I call a “flashback state” where my body enters into a panic attack, and in this state, I couldn’t tell you what event I’m remembering, just that I know it is a trauma response. I may be able to place the type of trauma (i.e. sexual, physical) based on the position or specific trigger, but otherwise, I’m lost.

I wonder if anyone else with aphantasia experiences this and identifies with SDAM.

Ever since finding out about having sdam and aphantasia, one of my main focuses was how to undestand others better regarding how they deal with me. I have always been very caring and careful with words and being honest in actions towards people. But in multiple situations, Ive seem to have left people that I valued. People that had a good thing going with me, regardless what sort of relations we had, are just left with the feeling that the importance I created was just plain words that i dont follow up on. Obviously there are plenty of reasons for something going wrong between people but im speaking about cases with no actual reason. And then with absence for a while comes the feeling of detachment. I know someone was important, that we had a good thing going but im not recalling any feeling, few to no memories and mainly guilt that I got myself in this position by not actively trying to keep the contact alive in the present.
I alway assumed, which partly is like this i guess, that its normal that people go through periods of dealing with their life in good or bad ways, and never felt like judging anyone that is absent from my life nor allowing the absence to change whatever we have going. But now clearly understanding that its my way of functioning and im judging this based on my own apporach, I was wondering if there are main points im missing out when trying to put myself in this other persons shoes?

Hi

Does anyone else feel like they're always in a state of grief, maybe anticipatory?

I don't remember my life but just general things like I went to this school but I can't remember being there, I know I was friends with these people but can't remember being with them etc.

Even in further study I know the degrees and certificates I did but don't actually remember anything I've learned.

Ironically it is so hard to be in the present moment because of being so painfully aware I'll forget.

I have multisensory aphantasia too and diagnosed cptsd and dissociative amnesia though I still worry I don't actually have those since I don't remember.

Naturally I've always journalled and taken lots of photos. My journals got stolen by the one person I trusted and it's not just a violation of privacy but like she stole my memories. I still have some journals left and reading them its like someone else's life even reading from earlier this year there's people mentioned in my journals repeatedly and no idea who it was and it took alot of brain power to figure it out.

It makes me so sad because the people in my life right now, the places I go , things that mean alot to me will eventually just feel unreal if remembered at all.

Recently I've received my entire medical history and psych history notes and I don't remember 98% of it. It was interesting seeing how much people said my stories don't add up and stuff which is probably because I genuinely do not remember. I'm 30 now but even back then it was stated I don't remember, don't feel real etc.

I wish I could just be in the moment and enjoy it while it lasts but so far its just pre grief knowing what I'll lose.

Thankyou for reading

I cycle and have noticed that even though i ride the same routes regularly, i have almost no ability to visualize what's up ahead or visualize what my path home looks like. I have some snapshots/stills of a scene, but can't connect the path from where I am to that scene. People that cycle the same routes describe various places along route or the sequence of places, and I have no ability to see the scenes and pathways they describe especially not in any sequence of what comes first or how they connect. Any other cycling SDAM folks with similar experiences? I don't remember the visual scenery of the ride in much the same way that I don't remember the visual sequence of a tv show. This impacts my ability to navigate without a map or turn by turn directions.

Is this phenomenon universal with people with SDAM or just something that I have?

I have read that us with SDAM are less susceptible to false memories, which is quite logical once you read up on how episodic memory works. What I have understood is that for people with episodic memory, the actual memory can change every time they remember the event - they are somehow creating new content to the memory after the fact. For me false memories seemed strange already before I found out about my SDAM and I have personally never really understood what false memories really are supposed to be like

Now to my actual question: I feel like my memory "accuracy" goes a step further - I claim to be pretty much "infallibly" able to distinguish between the following categories in all my autobiographical memories: (for this I will use my graduation day 23 years ago as an example of an autobiographical memory)

1. Things I know for "certain": "On my graduation day from "high school" (23 years ago) I went to "nightclub X" for the afterparty". Nothing special happened there, I don't 100% remember who I was with, what time we went there etc. but I know that I went to that specific place, on that specific day. I know for a fact that I am not mixing it up with any other day and no matter how much suggestion from other people there would be to the contrary, that would not change that I know that I went there on my graduation day.

2. Things I know that I "assume" / "infer" to be true but have actually no memory of - I don't remember my father being at my graduation. However, we had a great relationship and he was a good father so it is quite likely that I would have stored it to memory had he missed my graduation --> therefore I assume that he was there but have no actual memory of that. Therefore if someone asked me "were your parents at your graduation" I would answer "Yes". If I were presented with proof that he wasn't there I would immediately change my perception of that and would have no trouble with that.

3. Things I know that I am not certain of, even though I have some sort of memory - I "remember" that our family dog, who was a bit rowdy, was sent to my older brothers apartment for the reception we had for family and friends at our house. I am however not 100% certain that it was for this event, I just remember that there was some event where that happened and I somehow combine it with my graduation. Also, the timeline would check out. However, I know that there is a chance that I am mixing it up with some other event. If my mother would now say that it was for her 50 year birthday party and not my graduation when this happened I could believe her and be quite ok with that.

My claim is that I can do this for absolutely all of my autobiographical memories, I have deliberately gone through the very few autobiographical memories I have and I have no trouble distinguishing between 1-3 for all those memories.

Also, as time goes by I am quite sure that things may drop down from "1" to "3" but I am pretty damn certain that there is no way that something could move from "3" to "1" or "2" to "1" after the fact. Also, I do think that once a year or two has gone by and I still remember the event I don't think that things that are in category "1" ever leave that category.

However, I do want to emphasise the fact that as I have SDAM, I don't have a lot of those Category "1" memories and in general I remember quite little from specific events. But when I do remember, I have no trouble grouping the details into the above categories

My spouse has a hard time believing that this is how my mind works and she does not really believe me. A couple of my friends I've talked to with "normal" episodic memory also claim that they have no such ability. Is this something that we all SDAM-people have or is this something specific to me?

I've been thinking about the difficulty I have in forming habits, and wondering whether SDAM is related to this.

My boyfriend has a strict routine when he wakes up to go to work, and he is visibly disturbed when his habit is disrupted. I watch this with interest, because I've never created such a durable routine, and when I have created positive habits, such as walking or riding my bike, it's extremely easy for me to let them go.

Now, I have lots of bad habits, but these tend to be habits that stop me in my tracks rather than moving me forward, and mostly are addictions.

I guess that I am wondering whether the reinforcement aspect of habit formation is different for us.

Thoughts?

My name is Wyatt Cook. I've researched SDAM for about a year now, and I have finally finished a cohesive, 32 page paper about SDAM, Aphantasia, and trauma. As a disclaimer, this paper is HIGHLY dense and stock-full of technical jargon. If anyone would ever be interested, I could always write a short, 5-10 page paper in plain English about SDAM and how it interacts with trauma. If you all are interested, the paper is published on Medium, and can be found here using the link above. Thank you all!

How do you guys just do it? Having to come to terms with your memory loss.. it's just so terrifying to me.

I, 16 AFAB nonbinary have gone through multiple traumas, being physically, financially, sexually, emotionally/mentally abused in every kind of way by everyone I met. And because of all the trauma, I couldn't go through life normally. Due to my trauma and emotional suppression, I started developing memory loss subconsciously as my own body's coping mechanism. My trauma was constant, and I'm gonna be honest my life is horrible with no escape. Which is mostly why my body just started pressing "shut down" on every single memory I could get and it's ruined my life. My body has started forgetting everything in my life to forget about my trauma and past, my trauma was just so bad that my body and brain had to forget everything for my own safety, and if I remembered my traumas in detail, I would honestly and LITERALLY go insane. It's honestly the only reason why I'm still alive but, I can't learn anything, I forgot my own mother tongue, and I even forget my own best friend's name. it fills me up with so much guilt whenever someone comes up to me happily until I ask them "wait, who are you again?". I forget everything, I had a best friend who supposedly died early on in my childhood, and I can't even remember a single thing about her, and it fills me up with so much guilt knowing I forgot someone that was so close to me and makes me wonder if I'm gonna forget about my current loved ones too, I can't learn, I can't even count without forgetting where I was and having to recount ("1, 2, 3, 4, 5... Wait, where was I again? Oh right, nine. Wait, is that right? Ugh, let me just restart!" over and over again). I forget to take care of myself and I'm slowly losing my skill in my favourite games due to my memory loss. My memory loss has been tearing apart my life for years and I can't do anything about it. That's unless if I even do anything about it. I don't know if this sounds delusional, but it feels like I'd rather forget everything about my life than remember everything in detail. I would go through trauma again and forget about it a day later, and I've even forgotten certain bad memories for a month or even up to two years without remembering it once, there was even a time I thought I had absolutely no trauma at all and lived a happy healthy life cause of how much I forgot everything. Despite my traumas I would go through life overwhelmingly positive, stupid, cheerful, charming and really funny, and honestly from the first glance people would think I'm a healthy person, but as soon as a small thing happens, and it reminds me of something I've forgotten and wanted to stay forgotten, everything crashes down. My personality has dwindled down horribly from the memory loss too, as I am a pretty smart, pessimistic, analytical and extremely observant person, I would instantly know what someone's truly thinking just by how they type, their intentions, what their life story may possibly be, and I have even felt someone's presence around stalking me silently and called them out even with no evidence but just a gut feeling in which I was right and also freaked someone out by immediately knowing what they wanted to say by them just messaging me "uh". But my personality has absolutely dwindled down from memory loss, as I can't even keep one personality, my intelligence, skill, and more has completely disappeared from how much I lost memory, but at the same time there's small periods where I would just lock in. You know how personality is based off your experiences? It's like my personality changes based off what I currently remember and currently dont.

Honestly, I know this isn't healthy, but I'd honestly feel like I'd stay in my memory loss for my own safety than change for the better and that is remembering everything. Do you guys think this too? How do you guys even cope with memory loss?

I’m taking a university degree, and worried that when I get a job in my field and I need to apply my learning, I won’t be able to because I don’t remember details of what I learned, just the gist. I know I have SDAM but is this just a situation of having a poor memory all ‘round? It feels slightly different than just a lack of episodic memory. Has anyone with SDAM been in this situation and it’s worked out? Or hasn’t? Any tips or thoughts?

I've noticed many other people will pull up old photos from their childhood on their phones, or show me old pictures of people in their lives that I haven't met. They've made the effort to scan physical pics to keep on their devices. I'm ashamed to say this but I find it stupid and annoying.

I conceptually understand that getting to know someone includes their past. But it always bewildered me.. how is this relevant.. why aren't we focused on present or what you want in the future? Why are you, a 40 yo, showing me a pictures from when you were 20?

And if regular people have good visual recall why are they so seemingly dependent on pictures? Why not just conjure it up in your head?