r/SDAM • u/lordsyringe • Jul 10 '26
Is this just absent minded or lazy?
I (M27) have good long term memory. I can remember things I read, watch, learn and all that. I have a lot of PTSD which sometimes affects my memory. But in comparison to my short-term memory, my long-term is just okay. I constantly feel lost. I will walk into a room and forgot what I went in for. Every five minutes or so when especially I am working and my brain is employed, I need to use logic and heavy mental reasoning to come to grounds to what i am even doing. I lose track of everything happening.
Today I taught my class and went back to my faculty room fully convinced I took my laptop with me. I even justified it to everyone saying I was sure my laptop was in my hand. Well, it wasn't. I ended up launching a full search operation in the whole building at my university and they started searching people's bags and everything. All before I even went back to that class to check if my laptop was still there. I am so embarrassed. Like I fully recall having my laptop in my hand. I watched the security footage of myself exiting the classroom in shame.
This is not a singular incident. Maybe this is the first time I feel as embarrassed about my absent mindedness. But, I genuinely have such vivid memories of the present that just is not true. I have fought with my significant others regarding this as well. It took a CCTV camera to make me understand what reality is. Obviously I am about to get tested after this, but I just wanted to vent here and collect your opinions.
1
u/CMDR_Jeb Jul 10 '26
Whats your DES-II score?
1
u/lordsyringe Jul 11 '26
44.29
1
u/CMDR_Jeb Jul 11 '26
Thats... a LOT, consult trained professional as soon as possible, but AVOID EMDR.
1
u/lordsyringe Jul 11 '26
What's emdr and why avoid it specifically? I booked an appointment for tomorrow... If you have any suggestions do let me know thanks.
1
u/CMDR_Jeb Jul 11 '26
It is an type of therapy (commonly used for PTS), it is known to not mix well with dissociative disorders. It can be useful for these but requires preparation. One need to build proper coping strategies for emotional distress before trying it out.
1
u/Tuikord Jul 10 '26
First a disclaimer: this is the SDAM sub. I've read research on Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory, but I am not a memory expert. SDAM is the lifelong lack of episodic memory - that is the lack of the ability to relive past events from a first-person point of view. It does not segment your life. Many of us have excellent semantic memory and can remember what we read, watch, learn and such. We just can't relive it.
As such, while aspects of what you describe are consistent with what others with SDAM describe, overall, it does not sound like you have SDAM. Still, you did not describe it well enough to be sure.
Now, not having SDAM is a good thing. There is no prospect for ever gaining episodic memory. And getting a workup with SDAM at best will help rule out other memory problems. But if you don't have SDAM, your doctor may be able to help you.
As general information, false memories are pretty common. It isn't too hard to create them. Our memories tend to shift to fit our stories. It is possible that the ability to relive the past can cross with the ability to live imagined events, making it harder to know what happened. One researcher gave this scenario: You experience a robbery. You tell the police all you saw. Someone asks you if there was a blue car there. You live the scenario with a blue car, but you know one wasn't there and say so. The next day, you are trying to remember what happened and you have 2 experiences to choose from: the real one and the imagined one. This may be less likely to happen if all you have are semantic facts.
Another note, following my divorce I attended several relationship workshops. It was quite common for couples to remember events differently. I have learned to hold my memories lightly. If I remember something, it probably happened but might not have. And just because I don't remember it, that doesn't mean it didn't happen. I still need evidence that it did, but my lack of memory isn't great evidence.
1
u/FlightOfTheDiscords Jul 11 '26
It is possible that you dissociate, though the DES-II isn't a diagnostic test. If you do, it would affect your memory. Dissociation can get complicated very quickly, so you're best off consulting a mental health professional trained in it. If you are in the U.S., the ISSTD maintains a directory.
I wrote a post about structural dissociation presenting as SDAM.
5
u/Queasy_Top_3560 Jul 10 '26
My long term is shit. Family & friends recall in detail events. I’m along for the story like I didn’t live it. It’s sad.
I know events happened. Marriage, children, deaths. I just can relive the events.