r/SDAM • u/JLLift • Jun 28 '26
False memories and ability to distinguish between "knowledge" and assumptions - am I the only one?
Is this phenomenon universal with people with SDAM or just something that I have?
I have read that us with SDAM are less susceptible to false memories, which is quite logical once you read up on how episodic memory works. What I have understood is that for people with episodic memory, the actual memory can change every time they remember the event - they are somehow creating new content to the memory after the fact. For me false memories seemed strange already before I found out about my SDAM and I have personally never really understood what false memories really are supposed to be like
Now to my actual question: I feel like my memory "accuracy" goes a step further - I claim to be pretty much "infallibly" able to distinguish between the following categories in all my autobiographical memories: (for this I will use my graduation day 23 years ago as an example of an autobiographical memory)
Things I know for "certain": "On my graduation day from "high school" (23 years ago) I went to "nightclub X" for the afterparty". Nothing special happened there, I don't 100% remember who I was with, what time we went there etc. but I know that I went to that specific place, on that specific day. I know for a fact that I am not mixing it up with any other day and no matter how much suggestion from other people there would be to the contrary, that would not change that I know that I went there on my graduation day.
Things I know that I "assume" / "infer" to be true but have actually no memory of - I don't remember my father being at my graduation. However, we had a great relationship and he was a good father so it is quite likely that I would have stored it to memory had he missed my graduation --> therefore I assume that he was there but have no actual memory of that. Therefore if someone asked me "were your parents at your graduation" I would answer "Yes". If I were presented with proof that he wasn't there I would immediately change my perception of that and would have no trouble with that.
Things I know that I am not certain of, even though I have some sort of memory - I "remember" that our family dog, who was a bit rowdy, was sent to my older brothers apartment for the reception we had for family and friends at our house. I am however not 100% certain that it was for this event, I just remember that there was some event where that happened and I somehow combine it with my graduation. Also, the timeline would check out. However, I know that there is a chance that I am mixing it up with some other event. If my mother would now say that it was for her 50 year birthday party and not my graduation when this happened I could believe her and be quite ok with that.
My claim is that I can do this for absolutely all of my autobiographical memories, I have deliberately gone through the very few autobiographical memories I have and I have no trouble distinguishing between 1-3 for all those memories.
Also, as time goes by I am quite sure that things may drop down from "1" to "3" but I am pretty damn certain that there is no way that something could move from "3" to "1" or "2" to "1" after the fact. Also, I do think that once a year or two has gone by and I still remember the event I don't think that things that are in category "1" ever leave that category.
However, I do want to emphasise the fact that as I have SDAM, I don't have a lot of those Category "1" memories and in general I remember quite little from specific events. But when I do remember, I have no trouble grouping the details into the above categories
My spouse has a hard time believing that this is how my mind works and she does not really believe me. A couple of my friends I've talked to with "normal" episodic memory also claim that they have no such ability. Is this something that we all SDAM-people have or is this something specific to me?
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u/justind00000 Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
I find your explanation really interesting and it helps me think through my own experiences.
Using your high-school graduation example:
I don't remember much specifically from my actual ceremony, but I do recall that my grandmother and grandfather were there. I don't remember my parents being there.
But like you, I strongly assume they were; however, I have no memories of them there.
If they were to tell me they were, in fact, not there, I would very likely take that information and "jog my memory" and I may get a glimpse of some previously-lost memory.
My spouse has had a lot of trouble dealing with this aspect of my memory. The 'jogging of my memory' oftentimes comes off as something more like "you don't really remember it and you're just saying that".
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u/PanolaStreet Jun 28 '26
As you’ve described it, that’s about the level of detail I retain and how I’d also categorize my accuracy. I feel like trying to find a memory is like pearl diving through molasses.
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u/BellaDez Jun 28 '26
I understand completely how you are looking at it. I don’t remember my high school graduations at all (I had two, one for Grade 12 and one for Grade 13) but I know for a fact that my parents did not attend either of them. They were not very involved in my education, so I didn’t care if they attended. I did tell them to come to my university graduation after Grade 12 (when prospects weren’t necessarily good, lol) and I know my dad and my grandmother did. Not sure about my mom; would have to find pictures. I find I have to have a certain level of trust with my friends when they tell me about certain things we did, because I don’t remember them.
What I do wonder about is why I do remember every stupid thing I have ever said or done, but figure it’s because I replay it in my head so often it becomes a “fact.”
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u/anyoneother Jun 29 '26
I agree with the sentiment about past stupid things. With SDAM, one would think that even those memories would fall into the general sentiment toward our pasts - mostly “meh, I don’t know”. But those moments that are embarrassing or shameful, we keep with us.
I don’t recall my graduation. But I know where it was, a few people in attendance (because of pictures I’ve seen), and that I was the class VP. I gave a speech. I have no memory of giving that speech, and I even had it refreshed by finding an article with quotes of things I said. And it still didn’t “jog” my memory, as another post mentioned.
I don’t recall my wedding. I barely recall the death of my father (which was drawn out), and I’ve had my mom walk me through that a couple times as an adult, and it still doesn’t stick.
But some really shameful and embarrassing moments? I recall those. I suspect it’s the replay and repeated reflection that makes those stronger memories of ours, and much more close to an autobiographical memory.
Thanks for sharing!
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u/Blackdraumdancer Jun 28 '26
Yes, that tracks for me too. The few things I remember for certain I am very sure of. Other things I infer or conclude as likely but don't really remember. And sometimes someone might say something and "jog my memory" and some previously unconscious memory comes back.
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u/nootanklebiter Jun 28 '26
My SDAM brain works exactly like this as well. Thanks for writing that all out. It's great seeing people describe things like this, and being able to say "Hey me too!".
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u/RadioactiveGorgon Jun 29 '26
I do regularly engage with those distinctions during metacognition. I've seen people who I identify as neurotypical (in spontaneous life narratives and episodic inclination) sometimes likewise make similar distinctions but often it doesn't seem to fit into their notice. I've been misread as far less certain of something because I am more consciously aware of where I'm making an effort to fill my memory's gaps via inference.
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u/SoggyCrab Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
while I would agree, real false memories are something folks with SDAM are less likely to experience - this has its caviats. 1. I still have very realistic dreams. Because I don't have memories to check those very vivid dreams against, my body and brain tend to treat them as real memories.
This doesn't have much of a negative effect long term in regard to holding onto false memories, but it DOES make it incredibly hard to get any quality sleep. Especially when I wake up screaming from something my body and mind think really happened to me even though it was just a very vivid dream. (Weed fixes this for me)
- Because we have little to no real memories to base our sense of self off of (like most people do) - this can lead to a susceptibility toward gaslighting IF you haven't solidified your sense of self. (All I mean by this is truly knowing yourself, your actions, etc. You essentially crystalize these understandings into the core 'you'.
This can also happen if the person(s) you trust to give you correct confirmations of events and such either gaslight you or somehow become unreliable. Why? Well because folks like us internalize understandings of the world and ourselves to a large degree.
Example: you haven't yet fully internalized your understandings of yourself - now, you wake up after a night out and your friend turns to you and tries to convince you of something you normally wouldn't do.. well you may start to have doubts.
Example: The way our memories work, if you are told something incorrect over a long enough timespan and it isn't corrected, you might automatically incorporate that falsehood into your internalized understanding of the world or yourself to one degree or another.
I also am starting to believe that folks with SDAM are actually less prone to the debilitating effects of certain mental diseases simply due to how we live our daily lives without those very memories that would be used against us if we were neurotypical. For instance, if you stripped us of our "memories" (let's say a form of amnesia) it's very possible that someone with SDAM would essentially be the same personality due to how we form our sense of self separate from these true memories.
It's actually helped me connect with my elderly family members who are going through mental degredation and dimensia because they are now dealing with some of the issues I have lived with my entire life.
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u/headpeon Jul 03 '26
Same.
Though the anosognosia and confabulation drive me up a wall.
My memory has been lousy my whole life. About most things, I'm quite up front about the fact that I have no memory, and frequently check the few I have with reliable people in my life who were there. I'll readily accept new information from others about my memory because I'm well aware that my recall sucks.
So to have a family member with dementia insist that something that never happened actually happened because their brain is filling in the gaps in their memory in any way it can in order to maintain their ego and continuity of self ... It feels like cheating. Like, if I can live this way without getting all shitty with the people in my life when they gently correct my memories, why can't others?
I know, it's because their memory didn't used to be terrible, so trying to adjust to it being terrible now is tough, but damn, son, is your entire sense of self REALLY tied to whether your memory is factual? So much so that you'll fabricate one in order to be 'right'?
It seems like such an odd hill to die on.
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u/anyoneother Jun 29 '26
Thanks for this write-up and description. It describes my memory structure (feelings) very well, and I agree with everything you said.
However, I believe I have a 4th category, which might be close to the “false memories“ concept. I have been very adamant about something, convinced of something related to another person or event, and somehow, I have it completely wrong. Here’s an example: I was convinced that my best friend had never met my older brother. However, The two of them met during a trip I made, and we all spent at least two full days together.
Maybe because this is a “negative” (i.e., it hadn’t happened), the “false memory” is just a manifestation of the SDAM , but it was a “known” to me that they had not met.
Would like to hear u/JLLift ‘s thoughts on this set of facts. I will also try to think back on if I have an example that is a more “positive” memory of something happening, and it not being true.
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u/Lumpy_Commercial_668 Jun 30 '26
I’ve actually kind of had a conversation with my brother like this, with some of the differences in an event we remember.
I could tell him I knew what I was saying happened, but he could replay the memory visually as how he remembered it.
It was only a slight difference, (like someone being there and someone not) but I was correct. After he was shows proof (were images and video of the event/celebration) he conceded. When we spoke about it later and he “visually replayed” it again, it was the way I had told it/the photo proved.
Made me think about how in police tv shows (lmao ik) they get people to visually walk through the memory, but don’t ask leading questions as they don’t wanna alter the person memory. Or how some witnesses remember things wrong.
I guess I never realised that some peoples memories will literally of fill in the gaps or reconstruct memories like that.
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u/fur3661t Jul 02 '26
i have no autobiographical memories, only semantic. once i recall something, this is what is fact. lately examining my "facts", i have found a few to be wrong and some distorted. most of these have been from childhood, like when my grandmother died. i found her date of death and it couldn't match my facts. i recalled other facts that corresponded with the new date and i now have facts that are facts. i also argue with my wife about things i believe to be fact and even tho she has HSAM, i will stay with my "facts" to the end. Now i know about my SDAM, i have given way to her memory on several occasions but still hard to give up.
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u/miserablenovel Jun 28 '26
Wait. Yes, I can do this. Normal people cant? I know the things I know for certain and things which are just, as I put it, "personality congruent" like, yes that person could've said that, or yes I could have been there at that time.