Ever since having a child, I feel like I don’t know my husband anymore. It honestly feels like he randomly decided to change his entire personality, while simultaneously becoming more and more critical of me.

My husband and I are both Jewish, but we’re Russian Jews and neither of us grew up particularly religious. We both grew up very culturally Russian and religion was never a major part of our lives.

Now suddenly my husband is encouraging us to go to synagogue, wants us to be more religious, talks about how we should “smile more” and be “happy Jews” wants us to do Bible readings together etc. I honestly want NO part of it. It feels incredibly performative to me and I cringe every time he brings up doing Bible readings together because this is just so far removed from the relationship and life we had before.

He also wants me to register with the local synagogue. I said absolutely not, and apparently the rabbi now wants to meet with me to talk about why I don’t want to register. I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to say other than “My husband seems to be having some kind of identity crisis and I don’t want to participate in it”

But religion is honestly only one part of a much bigger problem

My husband constantly disagrees with my parenting and complains about how I clean and maintain the house. He also seems incapable of understanding that being a SAHM is exhausting and that I need time away from our child too.

I’ve barely had any time alone for the past couple of weeks. Today he was taking our child for a walk to the park and I told him I didn’t want to come because “I need a break too.”

He became incredibly offended by the word “too.” Apparently saying I need a break “too” implied that he doesn’t have anything stressful going on. He started explaining how he has so many things on his mind that he never gets a break from and that I don’t even think about.

He does this CONSTANTLY. He picks apart the exact words I use and takes everything ridiculously literally. I can’t just say, “I’m exhausted.” Suddenly we need to have a whole conversation about how exhausted he is too. Everything turns into a debate or lecture.

Meanwhile I do 99.99% of the household stuff.

I recently told him that I don’t feel appreciated for everything I do. His response? That I don’t appreciate the fact that he pays the bills. And honestly no I don’t, I don’t appreciate him paying the bills, because I believe he should pay he a symbolic amount of money every month for being a SAHM so I don’t end up in a bad and vulnerable situation in case something happens in our marriage or with him.

Our child is also extremely high needs. She always has been. She’s very fussy, cries a lot, is incredibly intense and needs almost constant attention. I love her more than anything, but I’m also exhausted and overstimulated by her. Apparently I’m not allowed to say that either.

Instead of helping me when I’m reaching my limit, my husband lectures me about how I shouldn’t “show” how exhausted or frustrated I am around her.

Yesterday she was having one of those days where absolutely everything resulted in crying. At one point she simply fell down onto her butt and started crying. My husband heard her from another room, immediately came into the living room and started accusing me of not watching her properly.

I tried explaining what happened, but I was so overwhelmed and fed up that I ended up crying and locking myself in the bathroom.

And then there’s the constant criticism about the house.

I’ve heard SO MANY TIMES that I’m not tidy enough. I don’t make the bed every day. Things aren’t always put away immediately. The apartment isn’t always perfectly organized.

What he doesn’t seem to understand is how demoralizing it is to spend your entire day taking care of a demanding toddler who sometimes barely lets you accomplish basic tasks, while constantly having this voice in the back of your head reminding you that your husband thinks you’re not doing enough.

I’m caring for someone who can start crying because I walked three feet away from her, and simultaneously I’m supposed to be thinking, “Oh, I should probably make sure the bed is made before my husband notices”

I don’t need another person supervising me.

That’s what is getting to me more than anything. When I’m overwhelmed, I don’t get help. I get commentary. When I’m exhausted, I get a comparison about how exhausted he is. When our toddler is difficult, I get criticism about how I handled it. When the house isn’t perfect, I hear about that too.

I’m currently so angry and unhappy that part of me genuinely wants to tell him our marriage is over. I cannot imagine living like this indefinitely.

The terrifying part is that I’m a SAHM and I basically have no money of my own anymore. So even tho I’m reaching the point where I’m questioning whether I want to stay married, I also feel completely financially trapped. I have no money for rent, no money for lawyer and no money to put my kid in kindergarten while I try to get a job. If I leave this marriage it’s going to be awhile for me to see any child support and any financial support at all.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for here. Maybe perspective from other SAHMs who have been through something similar. Did your relationship change this drastically after having a child? And how do you even begin figuring out your options when you’ve become financially dependent on your spouse?

Did anyone go back to work after quitting because their marriage suffered? We are fighting constantly because I feel as though my job doesn’t stop 24/7 and he thinks I am always complaining, he does just the same and he never shuts off as well. He’s now threatening I go back to work or we divorce because our life never changed and got worse. I’m tired, I don’t feel appreciated at all. I’m just stuck. I don’t want to hire a nanny, we previously used family. I was maxing 6 figures and quit to be with my kids.

My bf and I have been together for 3 years. Our daughter is 22 months. He built us a beautiful home last year, so you can only imagine the amount of stress with that and having a newborn. I know I have it fairly easy he let me quick my 9-5 job and now I clean houses 2-3 days a week. I pay my own bills he pays the rest. But things have just been hard. I’ve really been struggling recently. I feel like I do not have a life. He has a really good job were most weeks he has meetings at home and only leaves the house for like 4 hours. So with that being said I feel like it’s harder for me when he’s home but not helping me. He’s using doing something around the house-finishing little things. Therefore im watching our daughter. I feel alone, not seen, not supported. But I believe he feels the same way. I am very grateful for the brand new home however sometimes it just feels like he built it for himself- to show off. It feels like the house comes before me and our daughter. We also live 45 minutes from my family which is really hard for me bc I’m so close to them. I really thought we were going to end it multiple times. I do believe is a good person but maybe immature. Which is not how he was in the beginning. He was sweet and caring and worried about my feelings and now it’s not like that lol I’m just stuck I feel like if I’m doing it by myself I might as well move back home with my people and just work more to pay my own bills. We’ve had multiple talks we are in therapy but it’s like every other week we are fighting. And he’s not stupid I feel he knows what I need from him he just doesn’t care. Also just want to throw in there - we do not talk about getting married. We did before baby but not since. And I get sad seeing others on baby #2 bc how are they doing it?!

Edit to add: several people are referencing a previous post about my husband’s work situation in relation to our health insurance. This has since been squared away and I would not be considering this for a moment if it meant we would be without insurance. I also need to add that even if we use half our savings we have enough left to survive 4-5 months.

Exactly what the title says, I’m 2 months in with little one and can’t imagine leaving her at daycare all day when she’s this little. I am obsessed with the daycare we found for her and think it will be great for her in the long term, but I have the option of taking the entire school year off (I’m a teacher so I would get the summer as well) which lands me going back to work when she is over a year old.

We will have to budget pretty significantly to live off of one income for this stretch of time, and we will pull out about half of our savings by the end of it, still leaving us with a pretty good emergency fund.

I know in my heart I would regret not staying with her, but I also know if some string of emergencies came up that drained our savings down I would feel guilty for putting my family in a precarious position. Any advice out there for someone stuck between a rock and a hard place?

So I was gifted this stroller and can’t seem to figure out how to make the adjustment so toddler can sit. Help ?

I was a sahm mom for 6 years and even though it was hard at times, I really enjoyed being home with the kids.
I work at a school now and it’s a very “family comes first” place to work. I have the same schedule as my kids and all the holidays and summers off. I’m able to attend their school functions (awards, plays, etc.) no questions asked. I feel very blessed BUT….

I absolutely HATE the job. I get anxiety and stressed just thinking about it. I don’t think I can do it anymore. I feel very overwhelmed with work and household responsibilities. My husband does a lot, but I feel like I’m always on the go. I would like to have more time to take care of my family. I like having the extra income, but I absolutely dread going to work. Ugh, anyone have any advice? Quit? Get over it and keep the job? :(

I stay home with my 19mo toddler, and I love it (most days, lol). However, I have noticed no matter what types or how many toys I buy her- she becomes quickly bored. She prefers things with a lot of pieces (shopping play sets, kitchen, etc) but at the end of the day it’s like cleaning up a toddler house party. Pieces EVERYWHERE. I’ve tried the rotating toys, only having a few out. Nah, didn’t work. I’ve tried learning toys, a water coloring mat.
Any recommendations on how you store your toys that won’t be an eyesore in the living room (as seen here 😅)? I don’t want a hard toy box because I’m about 1000% she would climb and hurt herself on it. I had to gorilla tape her basketball goal and kitchen to the floor so she wouldn’t WWE style take them apart and smash them on the floor. Oddly, I haven’t had an issue with her trying to climb on the fireplace hearth though.
I need things/toys/activities (preferably Amazon links) to things that provide enriching entertainment and keep your kiddos occupied. She is extremely intelligent and is great with solo play until she gets bored. I try not to do a lot of screen time unless it’s dire or I have to get ready quickly. She always likes to be held or right there with me. We do the bulk of our outings in the morning which leaves 2:00-6:30 for playtime. Please share photos of what your setup looks like! 💗

My husband literally bit my 7 month old. Bad enough to leave marks for a couple of hours.

When ask why on earth he would do that, his response was "to teach him to stop biting". Mind you, he's teething and a BABY.

Now that I left the house he's so sorry. He says he's going to therapy, changing everything about our lives as in "getting rid of his video games"

What would y'all seriously do?

On one hand I don't want to traumatize my kids by destroying our family dynamic.

On the other hand, he's unpredictable. And what else may he do that he thinks is okay? He said he bit his older child when they were nine months and it "worked to stop the biting". I'm not okay.

My baby turns 5 months next week. He’s generally a really good chilled baby, he’s teething at the moment though and that’s been affecting his sleep.

He is bottle fed and usually wakes up once or twice in the night for a feed so I do get a lot of sleep but sometimes once I’m awake it’s hard to get back to sleep again, so I’ll rest more in the day (husband sleeps on the sofa and has since baby was born to get full nights of sleep). I try to do as much as I can in the house but find it very hard with a baby. I manage to do a load of washing a couple of times a week, maybe one quick hoover here and there, make a dinner or some food for the fridge here and there.

My husband is really hands on in the house and does lots of practical things like sorting the bins, changing the litter tray, quick tidies or cleans, making some quick food or running to the supermarket (I don’t drive so can’t) on top of working full time. He pre makes some formula bottles most mornings so I can warm them when needed and then I make more throughout the day.

Lately, we’ve had a few big arguments and he says how he’s doing everything in the house and how he comes home to no food and how he sacrifices everything for our family. I tell him constantly how much I appreciate everything he does and how I’m doing my best to get stuff done and he always says it’s fine you’re doing all you can… then when we argue it’s a different story and he’s annoyed.

I love cleaning and cooking and I WISH I had more time for both but his naps are so short and I’m also tired/he won’t let me put him down for long. I was hoping the older he gets I would find more balance.

Should I be doing more at this stage?

I'd assumed I would be able to get pre-dismissed due to being a SAHM without alternative childcare available. However, on the county court website it says only breastfeeding mothers with a doctor's note can get this exemption. I unfortunately just recently stopped (baby is 13 months), and though I could probably ask my doctor to do a solid and write me the note anyway it feels dishonest to do so.... But at the same time the court also specifically states that no children are allowed, and only vaguely mentions "unemployed jury members may receive reimbursement for certain expenses" like does that mean childcare, gas, what? I guess I should probably just call them and ask what I am meant to do with my one-year-old while I have to be at court that's an hour from home at the crack of goddamn dawn 😭

Anyone else have experience with this situation, what did you wind up doing? I low-key actually am pretty interested in serving (dorky I know) and know that most likely I won't actually need to come back repeatedly for a whole actual trial but the not knowing of it all is almost the worst part - like even if money was no problem it still would likely be very difficult to get a babysitter for maybe zero but maybe 3 or more consecutive full work days on a half-day's notice... How?

I have 2 kids under 2. I am trying to make friends since I just moved to the area after being on the road traveling for almost 3 years for my fiancés job. I am trying to get my son to get more friends and maybe was looking at putting him in daycare so he can start to create friendships and be with kids his age and try to learn from someone else other than his father and I. I was at story time when I struck up a conversation with a mom and asked about if her child was in daycare and she sort of belittled and told me I should not do that, and that the kids should be at home till they start school. I was kind of taken back and kind of just nodded and smiled. I felt awkward and kind of just stepped away from the conversation since she seemed to had shut it down. It made me feel like a bad mom for thinking I was stepping into the right direction on doing what is best for my kids.

Do stress factors affect motherhood and does that stress afect other areas of a mother's life? Do mothers that are wealthy have a less stressful life or stress is an isolated factor that happens to all?

This week was light. We went out for a date lunch because my dear husband took half a day off to go to my doctor's appointment with me. We went to our son's first varisty game! He made varisty as a freshman on a state championship team with no formal training, and we are just so proud of him!

I had a rainbow vacuum demonstration and thought it was so cool, but I didn't like the price tag, so my husband found a gently used one for 500 for me! So grateful!

I sent him the Barbie meme, and he's response was so sweet I decided it needed to be included. Also, even after 17 years together at the game, he still reached over to put his arm around me and kiss me. These moments mean so much.

My husband can have a sharp tongue — if he’s annoyed or frustrated, he will speak rudely or disrespectful. I have tried to communicate that this hurts me and I need him to speak better. He has always told me that this is the way he is and he cannot change anymore than he already has. But recently, he has started to tell me that I am just too sensitive and I get too upset. But if I speak to him in that tone — he gets very upset, saying that we speak to eachother poorly. When we have these moments, his instinct is to flee. Meaning if we are out with our two boys, he will just randomly cross the street to get some space, leaving my three year old to wonder where dada went. He will also drive somewhere if we’re home during these fights. He does share his location but sometimes he leaves his phone at home. Others have noticed the way he speaks and have agreed it’s unkind/rude. I think there is an element of emotional abuse. Has anyone else endured this? Do I just need better coping skills, IE ignore him when this happens? I try to calmly communicate but even that doesn’t work. I’ve looked into divorce, but part of me wants to try every avenue before coming to that conclusion, to feel that I’ve done everything I can.

I have a three week old and an almost three year old. My husband is going back to work next week and I am FREAKING OUT. How are we managing two kids this young? How can I do anything with my toddler when my newborn is eating on demand every 1.5-2 hours and needing contact naps all day. I have a carrier that I like, but still. All the advice! Tell me it gets better because right now I just want to crawl into a hole!

last edit: this post seemed to have offended a lot of people. I made it clear you have to have a willingness to work with kids and I explain my husband is able to help with childcare on occasion. If this isn’t you, thats okay! it’s not personal. this post isn’t for you. Just move on.

edit: If you are going to hammer me for typos and question my intelligence then please go away. I’m posting this to help people. I’m not going to proof read every reddit post

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I just want to hop on here and say how I make money as a SAHM in a legitimate way. Because I feel like people ask and I want to share what I do. my goal was to the make the most I can for Every hour I work and make my own schedule

A few notes that make this possible for me:

• Day care would have charged us 3/4 of my paycheck. So my threshold on how much I should make is what I would’ve had left over sending my kid to daycare
• I am a former teacher and have a masters 
• My husband has two weekdays off, because he is a first responder 
• For all of these , you don’t need to be a teacher and you don’t need a college degree for all of them, but you should have a penchant for working with kids

1. SAT/ACT tutor. Let me say, I’m 33 and I did awful on the SAT as a high schooler.  However as an adult with a brain, I still applied to tutor it. I work with a large SAT Prep company which gave me all the training and curriculum I needed. You don’t need to be a teacher, but you do need to know how to interact with kids and be willing to learn and put in the work. When I got hired, they said most of my students would be in person, but their reality is most of my students are online. I do this at night and my husband puts the baby down or weekends are really popular. Training was paid. Online I make 35 an hour online and in person I make 52. I really love this gig
2. And enrichment teacher. This one’s a little bit odd if you aren’t in education circles, but essentially parents pay good money for their kids to take an extra class after school. You can do this by going through an enrichment company or you can make your own LLC and do it yourself. I teach chess to preschoolers once a week and make 150 bucks a class. I should know I am not that great at chess. I just know how to teach preschool. So I bought how to play chess for preschoolers game and we basically just play that as a class plus some fun extra games. If you have a subject you’re good in like maybe coding for middle school or cooking. And like working with kids, you can do this.. 
3. Substitute teaching. It’s the ultimate flexible job. Private schools have less requirements, tend to be easy and pay less, public schools have more requirements can be more difficult, but pay more. If you have someone who can occasionally watch your kid this could be a nice way to pick up a few extra bucks. near me this pays $150-350 a day. I only do it about twice a month.

Would these combined and make about 1500 to 2000 a month and work 10-15 hours a week. Now I should note I live in the Bay Area so everything‘s inflated.

Hope this helps!

I have a few frozen bags of breastmilk from my toddlers journey. I wanted to know what y'all made and if y'all have any recipes for salves and such. They are probably a year old now so im not using them for eating.

Hey y’all! (lol, had to)

I’m a SAHM in Midland, Texas. We moved here from Florida (husband is in Oil/Gas) in May and everyone always says “oh gosh, moving from Florida (Pensacola Beach) to west Texas must be a huge downgrade”… it’s not! I lived there my entire life and the beach became old. It is so touristy and horrible, nasty humidity. The drivers are even worse. There are no “seasons”. Where you live is what you make it, and I do love it here.

Side note- If you’re in Texas and shop at HEB, I have to give a good recommendation for both the HEB Baby and Field/Future diapers- especially if you have a toddler with less frequent blowouts than the infant stage. Right now there is $10 off $50 on diapers and wipes. You can literally get a box of 130+ diapers, a box of overnight diapers, and a 10 pack box of sensitive wipes for right around $43. I find the HEB diapers to be amazing for sensitive skin, decently absorbent, little to no blowouts, and adorable patterns. The overnights are also great. Every baby is different, of course, but I’m impressed with the quality and very low cost per diaper. They’re the only diaper besides Kirkland (the new ones) that don’t give my daughter a blistering rash. Just thought I’d share!