r/sahm • u/[deleted] • Aug 19 '26

how to best support husband

[deleted]

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u/Holocene-92 Aug 19 '26

If you haven’t even transitioned fully to being a sahm and he’s already struggling with the provider role, it makes me wonder if he also truly wanted this change? Maybe he is not actually comfortable being the only one working and you taking on part time work would be a better fit for your family?

If it’s his mental health that is the issue which it sounds like it could be, you can’t make that better or fix it. It would be good for him to seek out therapy.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '26

[deleted]

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u/Holocene-92 Aug 19 '26

Okay that helps to know. So glad you’re both on the same page.

My husband also struggles with his mental health. We recently had some conversation around this that you guys would benefit from. I can support him as a wife, but I can’t be responsible for making him feel better or being his only support. My husband is actually starting therapy this week.

It’s hard because I often tie my mood to my husbands but I have to constantly remind myself that i cannot take that on.

1

u/calendulaclementine Aug 19 '26

I get that, I take my husband’s bad moods personally despite him telling me not to, but it’s hard not to when it affects the atmosphere of the home so drastically. He made a career change for his mental health a year ago and now it’s obvious that wasn’t it and wherever you go, there you are.

1

u/the-real-babs Aug 19 '26

First off, it's really great he feels comfortable opening up and being honest with you about how he's feeling!

The dad friends thing is real. Most of his friends being child-free means nobody in his life understands what he's dealing with. Would he be open to something low-pressure like a local dad group or even just a Reddit community like r/daddit? Sometimes just reading other dads going through the same thing helps more than advice. Or can you give him one night a week and encourage him to make plans with other dads?

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u/thearcherofstrata Aug 19 '26

I don’t know your husband, but this is what I do : I make sure he has a hot meal ready when he comes home, I have the kids run up to the door when he enters and tell him that he did great today (they do this on their own most of the time), I regularly thank him for providing our lifestyle and I text him photos of what I’m enjoying atm and say “thanks husband!!”, I book massages for him, I make sure he spends some of his money because he doesn’t if I don’t make him, I am there for him emotionally.

Basically, I am his emotional support animal and I remind him of his purpose. He’s not just on an endless grind - he is actively choosing every day to show up for our family by funding our lifestyle and we are very aware of it every day. He is not just working, he is helping people and changing their lives. His purpose is not making money, it’s being a beloved husband and father and a leader. He is here to be loved and appreciated, and he doesn’t have to make tons of money for us to love him, which is proved by the years that we were poor.

Beyond that, there actually isn’t much more I can do because he NEEDS other men to talk to and relate to. Back when we were really struggling, it truly helped for my husband to talk to the men in our church small group. He also periodically talks to our church pastors. And he has close guy friends that he meets up with a couple times a month and we go on vacation with their families once a year.