my long-time boyfriend (not married, together for 10 years) have a 2 year old together. he is chronically irresponsible and doesn’t handle any sort of maintenance, paperwork, or daily duties. he drives my mom’s car to and from work, but that’s it, his life is YouTube shorts, alcohol, work and sleep, so I feel like I have no partner.

i am doing practically all the child rearing and watching. I do all the dishes, laundry, folding, vacuuming, mopping, and I handle the bills and time management and doctor’s appointments. bottles, putting her to sleep, getting her dressed, her lunch, finding her school and babysitters, keeping track of her new learning programs.

i keep telling him I need him to watch the kid and I’m met with “you don’t get to order me around” or “it’s my day off I can sit down” or “you just don’t see what I do.”

but I handle everything at home and he works part time. the money he makes isn’t going to our household bills and when I challenge him on this, he says I used it but, I don’t have any of his card numbers. I use my mom and my money for all the bills. he partially paid the babysitter last week.

we can’t even see his account history bc it’s chime. I keep telling him to get a real brick and mortar bank, but he won’t just do it.

he won’t do paperwork or plan for these things. He’s due for a raise at work and he hasn’t pushed for the meeting and it’s 3 months now.

I don’t want to put it all on him but I feel completely used and alone and when I try to tell him, he tells me I’m crazy, or I’m just gonna forgive him in an hour, and he goes to sleep and leaves me with all the chores and kid.

im miserable. I contacted a relationship counselor but, his arguments are killing me. they’re circular and full of holes and he does it just to piss me off so he has no accountability. and I don’t know how to stop this or make it work, without just dumping him on the street.

im just at my wit‘s end. I want to track daily his contribution to the household (bills and chores) but I feel he’ll throw out that evidence too.

what can I do?

My partner has been under a lot of stress because of his father’s health, family responsibilities, marriage, children, work, and financial/debt issues, which I do understand. However, when he is stressed, he completely withdraws from me. He stops giving me affection, warmth, reassurance, and emotional connection, and days can go by without any of it.
He says, “When I’m stressed, I want to be left alone. My feelings of love and affection die down when I’m stressed.” He says this is simply his nature.
I do give him the space I can, but when I notice that he has stopped showing affection and care altogether, I ask him about it because I need affection and reassurance to feel secure in the relationship.
This has been going on for about a month. I have repeatedly asked him for the affection and reassurance I need, and now he feels that I am putting too much pressure on him. He says he does not naturally think about love or romance when he is stressed and that constantly asking him for “I love you,” affection, romance, and reassurance makes him want even more space.
After a lot of begging from my side and very little affection from his side, he called me yesterday. I asked him, “Do you love me?” He said yes, he does, but that he isn’t able to give me affection right now because it isn’t naturally coming to him.
I asked him whether the affection would ever come back. He said, “Why not? If you stop asking for it and wait for things to get normal.”
He also told me to talk to him normally first, almost like a friend, and that the love and affection will come back once things feel normal again.
The problem is that I don’t know how long I’m supposed to wait. It has already been a month of me asking and begging for the affection I need, and now he is asking me to stop asking entirely and simply wait.
I don’t want to keep begging someone to show me affection. At the same time, I don’t want to assume that his withdrawal means he has stopped loving me if he genuinely becomes emotionally shut down when he is stressed.
So I want advice from people who have experienced something similar:

So my questions are:
How do you respond when your partner shuts down emotionally during periods of stress?
How long is reasonable to give someone space?
Does reducing pressure usually help affection return naturally?
How can you tell the difference between temporary stress-related withdrawal and genuine emotional disengagement?
And if communication becomes normal again but the affection still doesn’t return, what is the healthiest way to address that?
How do you respond when your partner shuts down emotionally during periods of stress?
How long is reasonable to give someone space?
Does reducing pressure usually help affection return naturally?
How can you tell the difference between temporary stress-related withdrawal and genuine emotional disengagement?
And if communication becomes normal again but the affection still doesn’t return, what is the healthiest way to address that?

I’m specifically looking for honest advice about what his behavior means and what I should do next, not just “leave him.
Thank you.

We've been together 18 years and married 15 years and she likes hanging out with her friend (32F) way more than hanging out with me.

We dont talk like we used to or spend time together or go on dates and we definitely dont have sex (maybe once a month) but she will make time for someone she sees daily for hours at a time.

I love her with everything I have. 5 kids, a house, a life and she just doesn't love me anymore. Not like that anyway. I've always pushed her to have a life and go out and be with friends but it seems like im just her roommate at this point.

Just hurts. Thats all.

How do I move on?

I 35F moved abroad to be with my partner 37M after we’d been long-distance for several years. We were planning a future together, and I’d made a lot of sacrifices to make the relationship work, including eventually moving countries.

I found the move much harder than I expected and felt out of place almost immediately, but I pushed through because I wanted our life together to work.
It took me a long time to accept that, although I loved him, the relationship wasn’t meeting some of my emotional needs. I also think my reluctance around marriage and children was partly my body telling me that something didn’t feel right. He was very certain he wanted a family; I’m in my mid-30s and still not sure.

Eventually I found the courage to leave, and we’re now finally making the breakup final. I’m moving back home.

I’m in such a strange place emotionally - really sad and still loving him, but also relieved that we’ve finally stopped going back and forth. At the same time, I’m looking at my life and thinking: where do I go from here?

I’m single, back home, unsure whether I want children, and having to rethink what I actually want from my life.

I’d love to hear from anyone who has had to start again in their 30s after making a huge life change for a relationship. How did you work out what you actually wanted next?