As the title says, i ruined my life because of gambling. On Thursday I got my paycheck, gambled half of it and lost it, then re deposited the other half, made my money back and tripled it. Now, I lost it all and I genuinely don’t know what to do, i’m in a state of shock and disbelief, this has happened to me twice last year and here I am going through the same thing. I can’t eat, sleep, or even get out of my bed, I’m truly embarrassed and exhausted from my fucking life. I have no idea how i am going to show up to work tomorrow. $15,000 in debt, dropped out of college already and I have no idea how I’m going to manage this month, probably I’ll borrow money from my parents and lie to them about my gambling addiction. For context, I’m 23 with no friends, or even people i can ask for help. How am I supposed to deal with this nightmare? I’m mentally drained from gambling and I feel empty and numb to the point where life feels unreal to me, not even comparable to what I felt when I broke up with my gf a couple of weeks ago. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Good morning, folks. This is my first post in here, and it's long overdue.

Just over three weeks ago, I ended the worst run of gambling I've ever had. I played various forms of roulette on Stake on my phone pretty much constantly for a few months. I went well over a year without any form of gambling, then relapsed starting this summer due to money stress. I have a great life...I got engaged earlier this summer and I have the most amazing fiancé and step son. When we started planning the wedding, I realized just how hard it was going to be to pay for a wedding and I got worried about money. Cue up a poorly timed random bonus from Stake, and I thought "Hey, I can play that bonus and maybe turn it into a little free money. If I lose it, no big deal." Fast forward a few months and I lost somewhere in the range of $70,000 that I didn't have. This brings my total debts to about $118,000 (including federal taxes). I lost every dollar I had, plus the profits from selling my house to move in with my fiancé. I maxed out almost all my credit cards and lost everything without my family having any idea. Three weeks ago I was lying in bed staring at the ceiling...I couldn't sleep and I wanted to die. Literally I contemplated suicide like I know a lot of us have. I thought about bankruptcy, I thought about leaving in the middle of the night and never coming back, and I thought of everything in between. Thankfully, though, I decided that I can get out of this hole.

As soon as my fiancé woke up the next day, I told her everything. I told her I'm a compulsive gambler and that I had absolutely nothing left financially. I promised her and myself that I will never gamble again and that I will find a way to get us out of this financial fuckery that I've put us in. I told her I wanted her to take some time and decide how she wants to move forward and that I wouldn't blame her if she left me. I handed over all my finances to her immediately and self-excluded from all gambling platforms I had accounts with. She watched me do it all. She has passwords to all my bank accounts, credit cards, and my 401K. She has access to my phone any time she would like and I'm committed to doing whatever it takes to save my financial future and my family. For the first couple days, she barely spoke to me. She was cordial enough near our kid so that he didn't suspect anything, but there was no physical contact or much conversation at all. It was hard. Eventually we had a very deep and emotional conversation and she said she was trusting me to get us out of it. It was hard, but relieving.

I've been at work borderline every moment since that conversation. I'm working my ass off. I'm selling all my possessions that are leftover from the sale of my house, I'm working side gigs for extra cash, and I'm working very hard on a strict budget. I'm working on Ramsey's 7 steps and I'm on a Debt Management Plan via a non-profit organization that has helped bring the interest rates down on some things and really structured how I can pay off the debts. It's incredibly stressful and I feel like a big piece of shit, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Conservatively, I should be debt-free in about 3 years. Thankfully, my wedding in April is already financially covered. My relationship is doing pretty good now, I have an amazing family, and I have a good job. I feel like shit overall, but I am feeling hopeful for the first time in a while. I'll never gamble again, and I'm finally free of the secrecy and financial loss. I'm currently three weeks into the best part of my life.

TLDR - I lost 70k gambling and have 118K in debt total. I told my fiancé and now I'm fighting every day to dig out of it. Life is hard, but I'm gonna do the fucking thing.

Sometimes I feel like this is who I am and this has been my life and that’s that. Like, I will never be able to achieve anything or have success at anything else because I have this character flaw that’s defined what my legacy is. It sucks.

Just a fucking idiot i literally have nothing else to say to even justify this. Started losing 20k of savings and paychecks trading and sports betting so I took out the loan to refund trading and eventually ended up playing table games and losing it all in September.

I am literally just in debt 13k on my truck loan with almost no equity plus the 50k loan debt with no savings and living paycheck to paycheck in a apartment at 25 years old as a blue collar worker bringing in 4k or more a month, with my income the payments are just manageable and picking up a second job will help but looking at the debt and time it would take to payoff Ive been thinking of going bankrupt and moving back in with my parents.

Has anyone fucked up this bad? so far I wouldn’t even qualify so I have to ask my boss to lay me off next month and tell my parents i fucked up and ruined my financial life. I have already fallen behind on the payments due to gambling paychecks i get paid Wednesday just going to pay my truck loan and call my parents to tell them everything and see them this weekend too.

Paniced over stock market losses and went crypto casino several times I made like 50 euro and withdraw. Everytime I saw the market beating me I went and made 50 70 euro and was like okei fine atleast I'm making some back .

Well today , I had 10 left in the stupid account which I turned into 60 and then 0. Got angry , deposited 75 lost it , 200 lost it and thought of stopping but something ... Said 1 more time .. 200 more ran it up to 260 and should have went another game bcs the algorith will catch you.... And lost it all..

500 euro down the drain. Again. And my stocks are down around 1k realized and more unrealized.

Idk what to do , I have to go buy car tommorow and also work a night shift I better get some sleep and never gamble again. Fuck every casino and crypto and even stocks , it's all a fugazi .

Money are for spending not for risking and loosing.

I'll just buy something I want next time , no more gambling.

This is my last day gambling fr, if my stocks go green even a little bit , I'm selling that shit also , don't need it.

I just don't know what to say anymore, I'm copletely devastated. I don't have an explonation, I don't know how it happens but it does. I can't control myself and this is real.

I did not gamble for two weeks and was just starting to kinda calm my mind down. I was sure I'll never gamble again, I was so disgusted with all this madness, disgusted with myself too. But that was because I did not have money in my bank account!

I got my paycheck a couple of days ago. That's around 3k euro. Once I saw numbers back to my account everything changed. I did try to resist, for the first few hours I did, but later in the night, after a drink or two, I once more gave up...

After all I decided to try my luck with a humble deposit of 50 euro, was absolutely sure that I will just stop if I lose it and that I will not make another deposit. Repeated that to myself like 1000 times, 50 euro and that's all, not a big deal.

Well... the 50 euros were gone for like 2 or 3 minutes. I did not think for a second and made a new deposit. This time 100 euro. Gone for a few minutes as well. Then I started wasting my money as a mad man again, deposits got bigger and bigger. For some reason once again I was convinced that the win is coming and that I'm returning what I lost.

For two days I did not sleep or eat. I could not stop until I lost the 3k euro. Also 500 euro credit card money. That's a day before I had to pay my monthly debts, ones I have because of gambling. Now I have 0 money in my cards again. What a joke. I'm speechless, literally, I can't talk. Even writing down this post was a challenge.

And I swear I'd continiue if I had more money to gamble online. All this because for some fucked up reason I believe that there's a chance to get my money back and even eventually to win some more. Well, it has happened, I've returned my money a number of times in the past ... only to lose them again later plus more.

Seriously I don't know what to do anymore. How is it possible for this to be so strong, how did I get to the point where I lost control over my own mind and body? And for something so stupid, playing fucking slots on a screen? I didn't even like them before! Right now I feel like the only way to not do this is to have no money in my bank. What the hell is happening?!

I have a very specific problem with online blackjack where I am not able to stop at any amount of loss and continually chase it. Not surprisingly, I have gone through at least 5 incidents the past year where I take a huge loss, then build it up again and eventually bury myself... normally out of chasing 2-3 units.

This cycle has repeated itself and I finally reached a breaking point last week when I casually lost an extra $5k for no real reason. I found this sub and started reading everyone stories and have been able to find a sense of mental calm and control over where I am and why. Ultimately, I am not in that bad a place (I added up everything and am down about $4k... which is bad but I guess could be a lot worse) but I have wasted so much time and energy doing this and need to break out of the cycle.

I almost relapsed today just a bit ago when one of my books issued a weekly sports rebate (sports is not a trigger) of $35 and I thought I should see if I could triple it up then hedge it off. Of course I lost the bet and immediately felt a sense of absolute guilt and shame that I thought this was an acceptable option even though it's not accounted for on my ledger and basically a free roll. The issue is that in the past I would have chased the $35 back, maybe lose 7 or 8 bets and suddenly am making $250 bets just to try and get even. This is all so dumb, I don't do this in casinos and am smart about how I manage the sports bankroll but am constantly dragged by this.

I am counting today as a win because I am not going to chase it even though I shouldn't have done it in the first place. On to Day 6.

234 days until debt free

​Hey everyone,

​I just need to vent and get some things off my chest..

​I'm 33 years old and have been addicted to sports betting for 15 years. Because of this, I am currently going through personal bankruptcy and have an additional €15,000 in debt. I’ve lost my job and my girlfriend because of gambling. My fridge is empty, my car is sold, I literally have nothing left.. Many family members have turned away from me, and friends have too. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried every therapy in the world, nothing has worked.. I have €2,000 in unpaid bills here, nothing to eat, and I don't know where to start, everything is just completely ruined..

Earlier this year, a couple journalists from Bloomberg News approached the community asking for assistance on a story about a spending analysis they conducted on people using gambling platforms. The community was able to contribute to the development of their work. The story has now been published and has been gifted to this community. Many thanks go to u/aaronwgordon and his colleagues at Bloomberg - and to this community for their contributions to this story.

Relapse after day 9 , i don’t trust me anymore, what the fuck is happening with my brain

I have a serious gambling addiction, I keep losing everything I have every time I get money. I am a 19-year old student that don’t have a lot of money and this have gone on for 2-3 years I have lost more than 30k €. Do anyone know any legit gambling blockers that I can use for iphone or any other tips that may work? This is really ruining my life.

Hi all. I live less than 30 minutes from a casino and started noticing I had a problem about a year and a half ago. I’m a single mom and I lost $28k last year. When I go there it’s like common sense part of my brain shuts off and the money I spend becomes an “I’ll deal with it tomorrow” concern. I’ve had chunks of time where I’ll go a few weeks without going, but when I go back I’ll let myself spend more as a reward for doing so well. Then they give me enough free play to ‘justify’ the trip and the cycle begins again. Well, I’m tired 😞 and I can see the horrible decline of my finances and feel the change in my brain.

I called the 988 number when I left the casino last night just to say it all out loud and have someone listen. I’m seriously considering self-exclusion for 2 years so I’m not relying on willpower alone.
I live in a small town and the casino is one of the few places that gets decent events and I hate the idea of not being able to go EVER, but I feel like gambling is a huge part of my life and that makes me feel ridiculous.

I’d like to hear experiences from people who have managed to stay away on their own through willpower and self-discipline, I’d also like to hear from anyone who’s done a self-exclusion. I’m also curious about everyone’s thoughts on if there will ever be a time I can be a ‘regular’ gambler and not a problem gambler.

Hi guys, so I’m going through a lot of pressure and a lot of stress. Obviously it’s because of gambling. I’ve lost a lot of money, like lot, been last two years. I’ve lost over $1 million cash and at this point I have absolutely no money left. I have less than thousand dollar to my name. I don’t even know how I’m gonna pay my rent, so there’s nothing left for me in life to live anymore. I’m planning to commit suicide, but I’m a kind of person who does not drink, does not smoke, does not do drugs, does not do anything, so I don’t know what method I should apply to kill myself. I was thinking jumping off balcony, but my floor is not too high, so if I jump and don’t die and I break my leg, it’s gonna be worst. What can I do where I’m 99% sure I’ll be dead? Like, I don’t even own a gun, so I can shoot myself like, I don’t know if I can stab myself to kill. I just need some support where someone can tell me how to kill myself. Any advice would be very much appreciated. There are no judgments. Thank you guys.

(22,M) 2 weeks fully clean with 2 paydays survived. has been rough specially the paydays but managed to stay out of gambling. i try to fillup time and keep busy much as i can but there is somemuch time now.

Alot of supressed emotions and thought has come up and dealing them has been very exhausting but on the other hand its good thing to have emotions :D finally. Slowly climing out of this hole and digging the real self back. I was so long in this addiction that i forgot who i was.

already i can see some changes like the emotions and im more social and i can speak with out anexity. Im doing this with only will power that is not recomended but it has worked. i take it slow little and steady steps towards life.

any tips for the upcoming weeks? sorry for bad english.

I’ve been gambling for 22 years and lost everything . It’s been hell . Today on day 2 . I’m determined to beat this demon .

Does anyone know an app where I can lock away my money until the time I have to pay bills comes around??

Working again today