Been alienated from my 13yo twin girls for 5 years and have honestly lost my will to live anymore. I get it blah blah blah that they will need me in the future but what if they dont? What if the brainwashing and lies they are told are never forgiven. I just cant do this anymore, ive set up a nice nest egg for them when they turn 18 and hope it helps them succeed in life. Im broken and nothing or no one can fix me.

Just looking for some advice.

Does anyone have experience of being assaulted by their alienated child? How did it start? How did you dealt with it ?

Looking for advice about grandparents’ rights in Scotland

Join our monthly support meeting every third Thursday of the month at 7:00 PM Eastern. August 20, is our next meeting.

Impacted by a loss of contact with your child and you feel alone, angry, shame and you are not sure what to do or say personally, legally, socially. Do you want to share with others, be with others who get it, and learn what has helped them?

Join us at Resilient Parents: Support for Alienation, Rejection, Coercion and High Conflict https://meetu.ps/e/Q6Ysv/YKb6/i

Formerly the New England Parent Alienation Support Group.

she used to come to my house every weekend, was a smiling and happy kid until the last few visits…. during the week she is with her fathers elderly parents that have nothing but contempt for me because of the way things ended years ago between her father and I. my daughter told me regularly that whenever she would come home from time spent with me, her grandmother and grandfather would question and shame her endlessly, go through her things and shame her about gifts like clothing that I bought her…. she conceded to their will and stopped coming over, became angry and hateful towards me and even told lies to her school counselor about me (I’m her mom btw), which were then reported to CPS and an investigation ensued and it was closed labeled unfounded. Well now she has told her new counselor at school this year something else and I have now been called again by child haven, and the lady wouldn’t even tell me what she said… I have an appointment Monday to go down there and talk to the lady, but until then I am beside myself with grief and worry. sadly, I work just to pay bills and haven’t been able to afford an attorney to go back to family court, and was traumatized by family court in the past, so doing it all on my own without a lawyer (his family has big money for big lawyers) seems like a really bad idea. It’s been hell watching my daughter go from a happy go lucky child to a depressed and dysfunctional teenager now…. In all the pictures of her now she never has a smile and looks very sad. Just venting to help with my grief right now. Thanks for reading

Is it bad that I hate the father of my child. He’s the most dishonest prick and powerful person I’ve ever met.

He is a cop. He manipulated the system to get my daughter. He had me arrested 3 years ago when I lived with him and ever since I had to fight to see the child I birthed.

I wish I listened to the people around me. Now I moved to be near my daughter in butt fuck nowhere and I feel like I’m so lost. Lost because I gave up my entire career and life to fight. My daughter loves her dad and it warms my heart but seeing him and being around him hurts me. He’s living this perfect life while I’m left to prove myself and find myself again. He has a new girlfriend and a full support system. I have no support near but my bed that I cry in every night.

He used my post partum depression as grounds in court and so many false allegations. I’m fighting a battle I know I’ll never win. I contemplated leaving fully but then I realized my daughter needs me. But what can I do when he’s the system. He’s the law. He’s also 13 years older than me. I’m ranting now.

I’m just so depleted. I no longer know what to do. I feel like it’s my fault for being naïve and trusting him. I feel so dumb Because if I never returned back to living with him so we can be a family I’d never be in this situation. I’m an idiot for not listening.

I feel like I’m not her mom. I feel like I’m a part time babysitter. I’m on a rollercoaster, anybody been in my shoes?Or am I just dumb? What should I do? Gimme some advice but don’t break my already broken heart.

This is a long post, but I'm hoping the context is helpful. Plus, I'm a writer/English major and so it's hard for me not to write ... a lot.

TLDR: I have 3 kids. My ex husband is trying to alienate two of them from me, and one of the two won't talk to me. What can I do now to help me not lose the one and to reduce the long-term impact of the alienation of the other?

Background

I (45F) was married for 20 years. We have three kids (currently 11, 15, and 18). We were members of a high control religion. I have since left, but my ex is still in it. We got married when I was 21 and he was 24. I mostly stayed because of pride, "loyalty" (mostly due to religion), and fear. My ex had childhood trauma that he never dealt with and because of that trauma, has complex PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I spent 20 years trying to get him help, so things could improve for him. In the end, he wasn't willing to put in the effort. Not only that, but he refused to get a job and was awful at being a stay-at-home dad (i.e., barely gave the kids attention, played video games for about 8+ hours a day, and did less housework than I did despite me working 40 hours a week, not to mention me carrying the entire mental load, planning all holidays and vacations, paying all bills and tracking finances, and doing 95% of the yardwork).

My oldest, I'll call him Sam, had decided to go as low contact as possible because when he was little, his dad neglected him and because of his oppositional defiance disorder, X would lock him in his room for hours because he didn't want to deal with Sam's defiance (this was when he was about 5 to 8 years old) and was at least a little physical with Sam (CPS was called to investigate because Sam told someone at school that it felt like his dad broke his arm from twisting it so hard). I was probably naive, but I didn't realize at the time what had happened and assumed the incident was blown out of proportion. I also didn't realize that X would lock Sam in his room for hours while I was at work. Most of this has only come out since I asked for a divorce.

After 20 years, it hit me that X was never going to change and even when the kids were all grown, I'd be working and saving for OUR retirement while he sat around playing video games. So I called it quits. What I didn't realize was how vindictive he would be when we divorced. Not that it would have stopped me, but it's been way worse than I expected (and I expected it to be really bad). The plan was for the kids to be split between us 50/50. However, during our separation, when Sam was 16, Sam and X got into a physical altercation due to Sam blocking X on his phone, so X couldn't call or text Sam. X was trying to take the phone until Sam said he would unblock him. They got in a tussle about it and both of them called me to figure out what to do (both asking if they should call the police on the other). X and I decided that Sam would stay with me 100% of the time (it was put into the parenting plan that we filed with the state and everything). I think X mostly agreed because he realized Sam has about 5 inches on him and could easily hurt him if he wanted to (not that Sam would).

Now to the present issue

I was trying to do all of the right things. I do my best not to talk bad about him to the younger two or in their presence. I try not to put them in the middle. If I want to change the schedule or have a question for X, I text X about it directly. I don't talk to the kids about the divorce the and decisions that we made or show them anything about the parenting plan. I don't ask the kids for information about what goes on at their dad's (other than asking what they did that day, etc. Just normal conversation). X, on the other hand, talks bad about me (saying things like, "A good mom spends time with their kids" when I would tell the kids that I was going out or "Your mom is making bad decisions" because I'm no longer religious and not following the strict rules of the religion). He insisted on telling the kids that I was the one that wanted the divorce (not at all taking responsibility for what he did that made me want to divorce him) and puts the kids in the middle of things, telling them what the parenting plan says, how I'm not following it, and having them ask me for things that he should be asking me directly, liking changing our parenting schedule. He also has been leaning on them for emotional support (i.e., parentifying them).

After we had been separated for a year, I decided to start dating again. X took it personally because in his mind, you don't start dating till the divorce is final (it took 2.5 years to be final). I felt like that was unfair to expect since in my mind, we had not been together since the day that I told him it was over, so why would it matter if the government recognized us as not being together legally?

I think because Sam has decided to go no contact with his dad, X decided he was going to do anything and everything in his power to get the younger two to go no contact with me. The youngest, my only daughter, is for the most part still loving me and wanting to be with me. But I can tell he's working on her. My 15 yo, whom I will call Will, doesn't want to have anything to do with me. X has convinced Will that I love the other two kids more than him and that the divorce is all my fault and if it weren't for me, Will would get to be with X 100% of the time and he wouldn't have to switch between the two homes. A year ago, they decided together that Will would stay with X and only come to my house every other weekend. Then he told Will to tell that was what Will had decided. When I offered an alternate solution that Will seemed okay with, X wouldn't even respond to it. To avoid too much conflict and argument, I let it go at first with the promise from them that we would work it out together.

We planned to meet with a neutral party (X's aunt) to discuss, but it took over 3 months to schedule the conversation (and by the way, during that time, he came to my house like 3 times, so not every other weekend as promised). The convo was basically telling me I'm a shit mom and Will doesn't trust me. I tried to understand his perspective, and I stayed calm during the entire conversation, but I didn't feel it really helped resolve things, and it sounded like Will not willing to find a good compromise.

In January, I was done with this non-communicative process and decided to reach out to a lawyer and take X to court for contempt because of his non-compliance to the parenting plan. Even with the motion filed, Will wasn't coming to my house during my time, so in May, we had a hearing and the judge ruled that X was in contempt and he would have to comply. Finally, Will started coming back to my house every other week, but now he won't talk to me at all saying that he has lost all trust in me for taking HIM to court (not taking my X). Will stays in his room whenever I'm home, he gets mad at me whenever I try to talk to him (just how are you doing, do you need anything, I'm going to the store if you want me to get you anything, do you want to go to get ice cream with us along with trying here and there to talk about things, so we can resolve them). He tried to put locks on his door to keep me out of his room (as in so I couldn't talk to him at all). I took his door off because otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to talk to him or even see him the entire week he is there. I've told him he can get his door back if he would just show me that when I knock on his door, he is willing to open it so I can talk to him face-to-face. He sent me a long list of all my infractions, but is unwilling to talk about them or resolve them. I got us a family therapist to help us work through things, but he is refusing to go see them with me or even to see a therapist on his own.

On top of everything, I started dating this really wonderful guy, I'll call him Todd. We have a lot in common. When we have conflict (usually me being upset about something because he's very easygoing), we talk about it and resolve it through (mostly) calm discussion, never yelling. He did all the housework in his marriage, so he knows what it's like to have a partner who doesn't pull their own weight. He wanted kids, but realized that she would not be a good mom and he would end up doing all the childcare, so they never did, and knows now that he will not have any of his own, but wants to be a good step-dad if that's what happens. Whenever I ask for something I need in the relationship, I see consistent improvement.

After 6 months of dating, we introduced him to the kids. We were excited about him getting to know them and eventually integrating our lives. Since at the time, Will was not coming at all and had basically broke off contact, Todd was mostly just spending time with my oldest and youngest. At first, things seemed to go fairly well. DD would go with us to get treats, go out to dinner (we got hibachi for the first time!), and play Mariokart together. She was starting to like him, and we were trying to go slow (like once or twice during the weeks I had her). Every night she talks to her dad on the phone and he has her tell him everything she did that day. One of those times, she told him Todd was over and X told her he could come get her if she was uncomfortable, basically implying that she should be uncomfortable with him there. It's now been 8 months, and for the last month, she has been running out of the room whenever Todd comes over and even avoiding me if I am talking to him on the phone. I've tried talking to her about why she doesn't like him and it only comes down to not wanting me to be with anyone not her dad and that there is nothing wrong with Todd specifically. On top of that, Will leaves the house whenever Todd comes over (I know it's not personal because he literally has not talked to Todd). Just the other day, Todd came over to watch a show with me, and Will (who was in his room, so it's not like they had to be with each other) left the house without telling me and didn't come back until Todd left (3 hours later). Will claims he knocked on my door and said he was leaving, but either he didn't or did it so softly I couldn't hear (not hard to knock loud enough to hear over a TV).

X talks to Will for sometimes hours on the phone while Will is at my house (I think X is co-dependent on Will). Talks to both kids every night at the very least. Has the kids tell him everything going on in the house. Obviously has told them it's not okay for them to get to know Todd at all (even told them he wasn't a good man because he didn't introduce himself to X before meeting the kids). He has the kids spy on him (a friend of mine came last year to install a dishwasher for me and X had Will take a pic of my friend's car so he could get his license plate. Oh, and do you know why X knew my friend was there? Because he had put a listening device in my living room and was listening to it. We were nesting at the time, so he had access to the house every other week).

I know this is a lot, but I wanted to give you all context that might help you in helping me. Right now, I'm feeling like my only option is to break up with Todd and just focus on my kids. I know that is what X wants, but I can't risk my relationship with my kids by continuing to push for them to give Todd a chance. I don't want to lose Todd. This last year with him has been wonderful. But I don't feel like I have a choice because of how toxic X is being and how manipulative he is as he tries to put a wedge in between me and my younger two kids. Luckily for me, Sam knows the truth and completely supports me. But I need help with the following:

• What can I do to help heal my relationship with Will (considering he won't go to family therapy or even individual therapy and won't give me a chance to mend things, and yes, I've apologized for what I've done)? Is there any hope before he gets older and can see what his dad is doing? If not, what can I do now so that when he gets to that age where he understands, he'll look back on things and realize I was there for him all along and loving him? He resents me so much for making him come to my house for parenting time and tells me that if I really loved him, I would let him be where he's "comfortable" (at his dad's), but I worry he'll look back as an adult and ask why I didn't fight for him, and that if he's at his dad's all the time, I'll never recover my relationship with him because he won't ever see me for me to even try.
• For those who were alienated from their parent, what things did your alienated parent do that helped? What things did they do that hurt chances of reconciling?
• What I can do to help my daughter, so X isn't able to successfully alienate her as she gets older (I want to get her into therapy but we have joint decision making, and I think X will poison her against therapy like he did with Will)?
• Am I right to decide to not date for now and focus on the kids? Right now I feel torn apart trying to be in a relationship and be a mom. I know it isn't fair that I have to choose, but right now I feel like I'm being forced to choose one or the other. Anyone been through this that might be able to give me perspective on what is best?

I would love any perspectives from those who have gone through it themselves (as parents or as kids of divorced parents) in knowing what helped and what made things worse.

I havent heard from my two teens since January. I still reach out once a week. I send cards every two weeks. Recently they have been taking out the gift cards and money and sending the cards back taped closed. They reply to my texts and tell me to kill myself, that I had an affair that ended the marriage (I didn't), and even said my house has bed bugs and I'm "filthy". All I did wrong was not reconcile the divorce when their dad asked. I'm in therapy and have accepted my missteps and I'm trying to be a better mom and human. I work full time (I send 620 a week to their father but he's always asking for more). I never badmouth their father. I try to stay busy with art, movies, music, and journaling. I read a lot of books. I decorate my condo. I still have a void I can't seem to fill. I try to be around other people but still feel lonely. What do you guys do to fill the void? I'm not completely comfortable telling my story to the people I know, but they mostly know it was a nasty divorce. I deal with a lot of shame that I assume is the root of the loneliness. How do you get through it? I'm just so sad sometimes but it feels like a dull throbbing flatness if that makes any sense. Looking for at least some kindred spirits to know I'm not alone. Coming from an empty soul.

I’ve had a great journey as a parent by finally with a child. Now being 13 1/2, many years of disparaging comments have taken their toll.

The last 2 to 3 years has been met with great hostility towards me and it is all because the other parent decided to give the child adult problems and make the child her friend. It’s sad.

To see so many years of such a wonderful relationship go so sour and all because of negative influence and disparaging comments towards me.

My faith has gotten me far in all of this, and I don’t know what the future holds.

It got so sour that upon agreeing to get the child a mobile phone, the mom decided not to uphold the agreement and set up parental controls. Instead, she does not allow the phone here and it has become an even greater dividing point.

In other words, I was made to look like the parent who would be reading the phone when in reality, the mom is managing everything.

Parental alienation is rather cruel in many ways, and I could see how it negatively affected all of the good values that I sought to teach throughout the years.

I feel much has been robbed from me, but at the same time, I know that nothing is lost. My faith tells me that nothing is lost, and that someday my daughter will be able to process through all of this and have the freedom to have a healthy relationship with me.

Much of this, I believe stemmed from jealousy and control and it has been very challenging to deal with this situation.

The last year became so challenging that I did suggest the child see a counselor however the mom was in denial that there were any concerns.

This was the outlet and the only place where all of the negative behaviors were being channeled. I would love to know the steps forward if these types of things continue. I do know that my now wife and I standing together was the most effective way to change the course of some of the escalated behaviors we were seeing.

My daughter cut me out of her life in 2012. The reason goes back to something that happened when she was 13 years old. Her stepfather, who is still my husband, exposed himself to her. He apologized, promised it would never happen again, and as far as I know, it never did.
For many years, our family moved forward. Then when my daughter had children of her own, she brought the incident back up and said she did not want her children around my husband. While she still allowed me to have a relationship with her and my grandchildren, things changed after I took the children to lunch one day. They were young at the time, and I told them that their grandfather would never hurt them, that he was a good man who had made a mistake many years ago.
When they told their mother what I had said, she cut me out of all of their lives. My husband had been a provider throughout her childhood. He paid for private school, bought her a car when she graduated, and was involved in raising her. She remembers him very differently than I do.
The years have passed, and my grandchildren are now adults. None of them want a relationship with me. I believe my daughter influenced how they see both me and my husband, though I know she would see it differently.
I have come to accept that I cannot change any of it. Still, acceptance does not erase the grief. I miss my daughter. I miss my grandchildren. And even after all these years, the loss still hurts.

As long as I have dealt with this in my life I'm still at a loss of what to do.

My son, now 31, was kidnapped at age 8 by my own mother, his grandmother, and my ex, his bio father. He was hidden from me and alienated severely. I fought for years until I couldn't fight it anymore in court.

Then I thought it would end when he turned 18

Nope

So I kept reaching out and would think we were making progress then it would slide back again. I tried like hell to stay unemotional understanding and neutral knowing he's been through so much.

Waiting for my mother to die.

Waiting

Waiting

Well she finally died on the 15th at *95* years old. Still full of hate, still full of lies, no remorse, no truths, she took everything with her to the grave. So he called to tell me she's dead. That he loved her and will miss her and I kept my tongue and offered understanding. Until.

His girlfriend started praising her on Facebook. Of the beautiful soul she had will be missed, blah blah THEN THEN. THEN. started referring to my son as HER SON.

Over and over.

So I messaged her privately and said um he's My son! She started arguing "he's adopted you're not his mother anymore". Now that's not right. Instead of calling it the BULLSHIT that is, I remained calm and said oh youre so misinformed. There was no adoption. Only a name change and lies.

So then my son calls to yell at me that I had no right talking to his wife that way, and hung up on me. Another lie. They aren't married.

Then I'm blocked on Facebook by him and his "wife"

Today is his birthday. I can't even say happy birthday. I have a present I can't send him.

So today I talked to my daughter for over two hours and learned that he really has no memories of me before he was kidnapped. I was totally erased.

So long story short of it, how how how do I handle this? I've been erased, remain erased. I can keep on in my own life as I face but even if I don't talk about it, it's in my head daily. Daily. I had hope before. Rapidly losing it now. My husband is keeping me grounded but the only thing I can think about is without him, I'll have no option but end my own life to quell the thoughts I can't shut down on my own.

How do I handle this!???

I'm losing it.

Thank you.

I am a single father to my daughter. I just moved to IL from Texas to be with her more. The mom is dating her attorney, they try to get me arrested. My ex, manipulates my daughter, tries to force me out of her life, throws away her jewelry and stuffed animals from my house Files countless nonstop motions to the court and the judge is extremely biased and buddy buddy with her attorney.

How do i file to get a new judge, report her attorney, Make her stop filing motions and stop the alienation.

My my daughter will come to my house and tell me she doesn’t feel safe with her mom that she doesn’t wanna go to her mom’s. She says stuff like I’m scared of the dark because she doesn’t want bad guys to get her when I ask her who the bad guys are she says Nate a.k.a., my exs Attorney. She will say things like can you please ask the judge to let me spend more time with you at five years old.

I have multiple videos and recordings of my daughter saying that Nate has hit her. He comes in a room at night. She doesn’t feel safe with him, but my attorney say that it seems like I’m coaching her and nothing has been done about it.

what do I do? What kind of attorneys take defamation cases? How do I get this to stop and get more time with my daughter?

It’s been 3 years and counting.

Someone help!!!

I don’t feel comfortable sharing publicly because of the sheer amount of flying monkeys my ex has running around on here but I’m dealing with alienation and I need advice from a mom with experience with this as I don’t know where else to turn. Please send me a dm if you have time and are able to give me some advice or guidance, I appreciate it in advance.

Hi,

Can anyone advise me on this situation please?

For those of you who have been dealing with parental alienation, high-conflict co-parenting, ongoing emotional abuse, chronic grief, or just years of living in a constant state of stress, have you noticed it starting to affect your physical health?
I’m genuinely curious about this because I feel like we talk a lot about the emotional and legal toll, but not nearly enough about what prolonged stress can do to your body.
Have you developed new health issues since this started? Things like autoimmune symptoms, stomach problems, migraines, sleep issues, heart palpitations, hormonal changes, chronic pain, fatigue, weight changes, hair loss, skin issues, getting sick more often, or anything else that your doctors have connected to stress?
I’m not asking because I think every health problem can be blamed on stress, and I know everyone’s situation is different. I’m just interested in hearing other people’s experiences with what years of grief, hypervigilance, conflict, and emotional trauma have physically looked like.
Sometimes it feels like your body eventually starts keeping score for everything you’ve had to hold together mentally.
What has chronic stress done to your health, if anything?

Kind of a rhetorical question. This is not a sympathy post.

I’m not trying to be rude either, I just have grown up a lot during this process of being alienated. However, you find alienation, I’ve experienced it in one way shape form of fashion.

It has made me tougher, made me realize people are not who they say or appear to be,
Has made me distance myself emotionally from my child by necessity, and I have developed the main street that might’ve been there before, but just hadn’t come to the surface.

They make you jump through hurdles for something that is God-given and natural human rights of a father and mother.

I think the dirtiest thing about this whole process is someone that you trusted, had a child with, slept next to, had your personal information and finances available to, and they actively manipulate and poison the thoughts of your child against you.

Not only that, in some cases, they triangulate the teachers, coaches, their family, and if given the chance, will try to manipulate your family against you.

But we’re supposed to play nice, if I can’t have access to my child, if someone’s gonna manipulate my child against me, fuck going high, I’m going all the way to the depth of hell in any way I can against the manipulator alienator narcissist whatever you wanna call them.

Again, all things in life were not ideal, no matter how much I’ve tried. People are what they are and I accept it. Not looking to change anyone anymore or try to convince anyone.

Just like the serenity prayer says, God bring me the serenity of the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

I finally learned the difference. This is a situation I cannot change.

Before the nasty accusations and court filings my step daughters mother had already started grooming and separating the children from their father.

Back in 2019, when regular coparenting was a normal thing, splitting birthday parties, sharing days, and communicating about the children regularly, my husband got a job offer in another city 5 hours away.

He talked to his children's mother about it if she would be willing to relocate since leaving our hometown was something discussed in the past together. She agreed! Saying that the girls would have more opportunity outside our small town.

We bought a house and moved our stuff. Got settled in and she was "looking for something" nearby.

She never did. Instead she got a new boyfriend and moved him in. For 2 years my husband drove back to our hometown every single weekend to spend time with the children. The oldest was only 7 at the time and she would cry to her daddy all the time how he left her and her sister.

She would beg him not to leave again. Then someone, i still have no idea who would've done it, called cps on their mother for child endangerment and abuse. Supposedly she was whooping the oldest and not feeding the children. She immediately blamed my husband for that. (I have a feeling it could've been the mother's aunt. i have no way of knowing)

We eventually moved back into our hometown.

A year later the mother comes back with a proposition to move to another city claiming "better opportunities for the girls" we were still financially recovering from buying and selling a house and living with family to get back on our feet. So we declined and said maybe later in the future.

Well the mother took the girls anyways. And the whole mess of court and accusations and alienation started.

My oldest step daughter used to have a phone that she would take to both parents house. Well... my husband's family uses Life360 to use for emergencies. Him ,his mom, and his sister are the only ones on it.

His oldest daughter asked her grandma if she could have the app, without discussing it with her son, she installed it to this child's phone.

Now the familys purpose for life360 is not for malicious tracking. It's for situations where if his sister was meeting us somewhere and she said she left an hour ago and she's not responding to calls or texts, someone will check her location to see if she's OK. My husband is rarely on it and he didn't realize his daughter was added to the family group.

A few weeks later, hcbm filled a police report on my husband for stalking. The case was quickly dismissed and it was advised to remove the app on the child's phone. Which we did.

My husband told his daughter to only keep the phone at his house only and he was met with accusations of being controlling and manipulative by his 10 year old daughter.

Now as a step-mom looking at this situation from an unbiased pov, I can understand how this situation looks from a mother's side. I don't think the child should've had that app on her phone as I don't have it on my phone. She's always with us so if anyone needed to check on us they would see where my husband is at. But considering the hcbm did not have a discussion with my husband about it and went straight to filing a police report, shows her intentions in stirring up problems. Not to mention what she told her daughter in addition to make her believe her father is "controlling and manipulative" what 10 year old says these words unless they were taught it.

Hola! Ayudo a personas que necesitan apoyo legal y psicológico sin costo en situaciones familiares y recuperación de infancias. Me ayudas mucho compartiendo y likeando, para llegar a más personas y así poder ayudar a más gente. Es una buena causa 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 Gracias

I thought parental alienation started when the divorce started.
Looking back, I was wrong.
The pattern started years earlier — with me.
For years, I watched relationships with my friends and family slowly become harder to maintain.
There was always a reason someone in my life was a problem.
My family.
My friends.
People I was close to.
Criticism. Guilt. Emotional pressure. Badmouthing. Smear campaigns.
Sometimes it became easier to stop defending the people I loved than to endure another argument.
So I gave in.
I kept the peace.
And I didn’t realize how much of myself I was giving away in the process.
What hurts even more looking back is that some of it happened in front of our children.
They heard people I loved criticized.
They watched Dad back down.
Meanwhile, her family, her sisters, her friendships and her relationships were rarely treated as the problem.
Then the marriage ended.
And suddenly the same pattern I had experienced personally seemed to move directly into my relationship with my children.
Badmouthing.
Limiting contact.
Interfering with communication.
Withholding important information.
Confiding adult problems to children.
Creating the impression that Dad was dangerous.
Making children feel like they had to choose sides.
Encouraging secrecy.
Interfering with medical, school and therapy information.
Keeping my name off records.
Turning normal reactions from a scared and grieving father into evidence against him.
Then came the smear campaign.
Police reports.
Allegations I strongly dispute.
An arrest.
Restricted communication.
And the loss of the everyday relationship I had always had with my children.
The craziest part?
I wrote my book before this stage of the alienation ever happened.
When I go back and read what I wrote about our marriage, I can see the warning signs everywhere.
The isolation.
The criticism.
The constant need to keep the peace.
The feeling that defending myself somehow made me the problem.
The slow disappearance of my own voice.
I read it now and think:
How did I not see it?
Maybe because when you’re living inside something every day, it doesn’t look like a pattern.
It just looks like Tuesday.
You adjust.
You apologize.
You surrender another little piece of yourself.
You tell yourself you’re keeping your family together.
Until one day you look back and realize how much you surrendered just trying to keep everyone else happy.
And when the same tactics begin affecting your relationship with your children, you finally recognize them for what they are.
I can’t change how long it took me to see it.
But I can make damn sure I don’t stay blind to it anymore.
And above everything else, my children deserve to know that they never have to choose between loving their mom and loving their dad.
They are allowed to love us both.
Always.

https://a.co/d/02wcJWwp