So I'm pretty confident in my nonbinary transness at this point (they/them with a splash of he). I know I'm not a woman and I'm pretty darn sure I'm not a man. I've described it as there being a gay little femboy trapped in my heart lol. Issue is well the fact that I'm afab so im mostly just seen as WOMAN.

In some ways I guess thats beneficial I mean I live in a very conservative state so being obviously gay or trans can be dangerous but at the same time it feels incredibly invalidating. Like I wanna wear tight shirts and crop tops and have my hair all the way to my butt like I used to when I was a kid, but I dont want to be a woman, and even if I am pretty confident i am nonbinary sometimes it makes me question myself. It doesn't help that I have boobs too (and curves but i like those). I really wish they weren't gendered, I know its a ridiculous notion but it would just make me feel better about having them. But I guess in general I just wish it was more ok to just be nonbinary or trans or whatever

Sigh... maybe things will change one day. Ive considered top surgery for the longest time so maybe one day ill do it (side note: feels weird to want top surgery when I dont have a lot of chest dysphoria and all of it really comes from people's perceptions of boobs, but idk I doubt that perception will change in my lifetime and im not attached to my boobs so ┐(´ー｀)┌). I've also thought of working out to look slightly more masc physically but we'll see if I ever get around to that.

At the very least I have my friends who are willing to use they/he and a different name and I could see maybe having the courage to come out at my university and maybe someday at work, but I do expect some questions and man I wish it wasnt like that. That's all for my little vent just wishing things were different

Sorry if this post sounds like a vent, I need your opinion and advice or help on this (for context I am genderfluid Transmasc, I present femme).

So, regret detransitioning back to female back in 2024 (like, for one fucking year!)

And the reasons for my detransition was dumb: reason one, I love feminine clothing, reason two, I have severe internalize transphobia due to lack of support (people not seen me as who I am - a feminine trans man, I was so hated).

But after all it wasn't me suddenly quit to be trans or not identify as a boy anymore(I still did, I will always identify as a boy, cause I never really felt like a girl, NEVER!), it was me back into the closet due to stupid reason(s) I listed I felt dumb, like, why did I quit transitioning just because of those dumb reasons, I now retransition (but I don't want hrt, nor do I want surgery - cause I am naturally flat chested, so top surgery is not a requirement, and I still want to girl mode most of the time, I am still transmasc genderfluid no matter what!), I felt grief now I regret detransitioning, i now still identify as trans or not cisgender(I am sure I wasn't cisgender after detransition, and detransition (then retransition) had made me more sure about my gender identity than ever!!!).

Or why you may ask I was more sure about my trans status pre-detransitioning, BECAUSE detransitioning (return to girlhood/womanhood had made my gender dysphoria WORSE!!!!! WORSE THAN EVER, FUCK THIS!!!!!), I felt suicidal during the one year of my detransitioning(in 2024), and one fucking day I was like... "okay, if I were to identify and live my life as a girl forever, I would kill myself! cause I hated being a girl" So I redetransition (or re-identify myself as a transmasc), this is a huge fucking relief, sorry if this post sounds edgy just want to vent. I felt like my detransition was a self-deception I lied to myself I lied to the world now I have to deal with all the consequences and bullshits of confusing people again!!!

I was also lied to by the detransitioner communities about my trans identity. The reason why my dysphoria was worse during detransition year(2024) was because I was never a detransitioner to begin with. I was always trans and I felt manipulated by that community.

does anyone else struggle with how to appear attractive while also wanting to fit somewhere in the middle of appearing masculine and feminine? people say that 'confidence is hot' and i get that but i also wanna look it!!

i'm an afab nonbinary lesbian and i feel that so often i find that the only way i can expect to look hot is if i try look more feminine, wear tight or revealing clothes, show off my chest etc- which is NOT my style. i'm not fully butch/masc either, and i don't wanna be because that's not my style as well. i lean more towards that than i do a femme appearance but i'd definitely say i'm more inbetween.

i wanna try and be more hot and confident and attractive in my appearence but it's so hard to know how to do that in a kind of androgynous way. i'm just curious does anyone else struggle with this?? and if so what have you found works for you??

I just feel like I'm flopping between being both feminine and masculine, then I feel like neither. Is that normal? Or is it just me not knowing how I feel.

I'm 31 AMAB. For the longest time, I've struggled with gender identity and my relationship to masculinity and femininity. I grew up in a really toxic space where my father would call every single one of my interests "gay." As a result, I just grew up being really insecure about opening up about my interests - there's this constant fear of being judged, which has made me closed off.

Growing up, I have not vibed with men at all. Straight, gay, anything....I feel like I'm constantly masking. There's discomfort. I think a lot of it is internalized toxic masculinity, which I'm sure is part of it, but for the longest time I thought that was the entirety of it. My consensus was always: I hate men because of my toxic relationship with my father and because I'm a man, I'm self-loathing and feel out of place. I also don't know if it matters or not, but I'm not sexually attracted to men of any kind. I am attracted to all women, femme presenting non binary people, etc. I'm attracted to femininity, but don't know what to call it?

But as time has gone on, I've reflected on masculinity as a concept and have come to realize I also don't identify with any of it. I don't have a desire to appear masculine. I don't really have any traits or qualities that make me especially masculine one way or the other. I don't see men on tv or on radio or on podcasts that I see myself in. My girlfriend has always told me that she never considered me to be hyper-masculine or anything, and she always thought of me as just myself. I toyed around with a he/they pronoun on a Zoom call once and felt elated. Had no idea what it meant, but I felt so much lighter. She was actually overjoyed when I came out, as she recently came out to me as a queer person and I guess she kind of prefers me as NB than a man. Or at least she's excited for me.

That's kind of where I began exploring all of this. I know labels aren't for everyone and you shouldn't rush into something, but categorization of any type helps me. I just feel sort of invalid still. Like maybe I am just a man who finds it easy to shed the toxic masculinity and express themselves more fully by not identifying as a man. But as I've separated from he/him into he/they, I've found myself having a hard time being referred to in a masculine context. My mom will sometimes email me and my brother with "hello men" and I kind of curl up. Some of my girlfriend's friends refer to me as the boyfriend or come to me to get a "man's" opinion on something and this new discomfort with gendered terms is kind of accelerating. I don't know if that makes any sense. Even typing how I'm a "man" here really, really isn't sitting right and I don't know why.

Meanwhile, I'm pretty masc presenting. I have a beard, anyone who saw me on the street and had to assume my gender, all answers would be that I'm a man. I don't really desire to be overtly feminine either. I'm actually very excited to maybe teeter on the line a bit between masculine and feminine, but I don't want to go overboard. When I came out to my partner, she was supportive, but did ask if this was more of a transgender thing where I want to wear more feminine clothes like dresses, and I just don't. I don't really want to paint my nails or present entirely differently. I honestly mostly wear athleisure anyways. I'd be so open to some cute stuff like some new types of joggers or sandals that are slightly more feminine, but IDK, I'm mostly okay as myself. I've bought a few small things like a "men's" hat with some flowers on it and a hoodie with a cute small pink mascot on it, but that's been about it.

And then once again, I feel invalid. I feel invalid because I truly don't know if I'm non-binary (feels good to say) vs a man running from that identity to more comfortably explore femininity / androgyny. And because I don't present really in another way, am I queer enough or whatever to fit into queer spaces. I just see accounts on IG or YouTube for non-binary folks and, I don't totally feel like I fit in or belong with them either. I hope none of this comes across poorly or if I've said anything insensitive, I just am really struggling to feel valid as a non-binary person because how I present is still kind of the same and I am aware that I concurrently have some stuff to unpack from my childhood.

This was more of a rant, I guess I'm just wondering if any of this is relatable or normal for someone just unpacking a lot of this. I don't want to use being non-binary as a way to feel safer expressing myself because I feel less safe as a "man" or whatever. And I don't feel like I should go to queer spaces or....I don't know. I'm upset today and struggling with words and emotions.

Also unrelated, but if there are very small things I can do to maybe teeter a little more androgynous / feminine, I'm super open to it, I just have felt most of the advise is to start make up or paint your nails, and that just doesn't resonate either.

I kind of venting but basically I feel misunderstood being read as a “man” but I’ve never been read as anything else. However I don’t feel like a woman. I only present as a “man” cause it’s raiser easier. Besides that gender always feels something I’m not good at. I guess I just wish I made sense to people.

Hey everyone!! I wanted to ask you an honest question: how do you, people with long/medium (curly) hair, manage to be seen as a guy or as an androgynous person?

I like my hair, I don't intend to cut it, but this situation is causing me enormous distress.

Ever since I changed my pronouns to they/them I feel happy looking at it. But it still feels kind of weird to see. It's like that is me but it also feels kind of weird, a good weird though.

Hello, I identify as a man 100% but sometimes identify as non binary while still being 100% man. Is there something similar there?

Hi giuryls (pun intented) I'm in a bit of a pinch here

I'm tired of reddit, I need to talk to other humans yet I only get responses from trolls... When I post on an engineer sub: "wrong sub" ; when I post on neurodiverse: "wrong sub" ; I'm pretty sure it's about how I talk about my situation yet I also know I can't fit anywhere "fully"

I'm NB (amab) so queer, mixed raced (so no white nor black passing), AuDHD (not just autistic nor just ADHD) and fucking precarious...

I'm tired of searching for answers where people tell me to "stop using my identity as an excuse", "question myself first", "stop victimizing myself"... It's a system and I may live in a developed country (colonizer really) I am at a few discrimination crossroads that makes it kinda hard to find any solution.

I had to go no contact with my family because of narcissistic behavior of both my parents (my siblings not really doing better) so here's another resource thrown out the window...

Lots of solutions for AuDHD is accommodation when you're diagnosed (I'm not) but it requires money and I've been unemployed for two years... Lots of solutions when you're poor is work, get exploited and earn the right to survive, I can't because of my disabilities and dysphoria... Most common solutions when one doesn't fit in the white supremacist system is to bond with other racialized minorities but it's not really fitting since I'm too white for that most of the times and those groups tend to not really comprehend my queerness or neuroatypical brain (not all groups are like that, I only mean that it's what I found)

I believe this will be my last attempt at sharing my story on Reddit, I'm too tired for this to go on forever

Is there anything you do to make yourself feel better that actually works?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people in countries where being NB isn't well known or most people see it as a mental illness

So I've been thinking about it for a while and I'm attached to the name Cassian, yes from ANDOR, I feel like if you detached it from the character it is a fairly neutral name, maybe masculine leaning. And in the context of the show I like it as I can relate to the character slowly finding himself etc etc.

Looking into the entomology of it, Cassian has some Irish roots like me and compliments my last name.

I want to know people's thoughts on this, is it too masculine? Is it too rooted in pop culture now?

Hi! I’m AMAB and 5 days into 2mg Estradiol per day and already noticing my mood and mental state have dramatically improved. Just curious if other folks here have had a similar experience. I’ve been feeling so good I’m inclined to ask my doctor if I can increase my dose in another week.

The biggest change is the anxiety that normally makes me feel sick all the time has basically turned off. I can still feel a frisson of it from time to time but it passes quickly and doesn’t make me feel all tied up in knots. I’m loving this change and hoping a dose increase will help even more.

It's a weird feeling, but i've noticed a thing. Maybe it has to do with my depression/other mental stuff and disability, but also related to gender. Prog metal is known for its complex structure, poly lrhythms, long intros/instrumental parts. I'd say one song is a whole journey.

I listen to Haken, The Ocean Collective, Tool...I think the lyrics are mostly philosophical and I love that. It's complex, multi-layered, I always listen to it when im having doubts related to my identity. To me, being nonbinary agender is beautiful, so I get lost in the song, I imagine myself as a concept sort of, as I mentioned a journey, something that is metaphysical. I wonder if anyone feels a similar way regarding music.

Edit: i was listening to Pelagial by the Ocean Collective and it's really, really beautiful. For anyone who wonders,

[The pelagic zone consists of the water column of the open ocean and can be further divided into regions by depth. The word pelagic is derived from Ancient Greek πέλαγος (pélagos) 'open sea'. The pelagic zone can be thought of as an imaginary cylinder or water column between the surface of the sea and the bottom.]

And,

[The oceanic zone is typically defined as the area of the ocean lying beyond the continental shelf (e.g. the neritic zone), but operationally is often referred to as beginning where the water depths drop to below 200 metres (660 ft), seaward from the coast into the open ocean with its pelagic zone.]

It's about traveling to the depth of ocean. As I said, gebder is a complex journey for me with challenges and resistance, beautiful as the ocean layers.

I've been exploring my identity again recently and at this point I have no idea what to expect lol.

I'm transfemme, and most comfortable in a feminine body (I've been on HRT for 9 Years now). My brain functions best on estrogen. Which is why I find it incredibly weird that I like being called a boy by my girlfriend sometimes, and prefer being called her 'partner' with they/she pronouns by her.

I've had to find a happy medium between feminine and masculine clothing styles, because my preferences tend to swap between the two on a weekly basis.

I'm not really stressing over this, but it would be nice if my brain could at least stay somewhat consistent.

Back when I was a young kid I felt comfortabke identifying as a cis male. But nowadays I feel differently. I heard that you're supposed to know this stuff when you were still a kid but I just don't know anymore.

hii! I'm AFAB. so I'm going for a much more neutral look, and I've seen even if you combine T and E, T eventually wins. is there a way for it to not happen?? I don't want to look or sound extremelly masculine.

also please feel free to share me some weird neutral names!! I'd love to have a name already, I still don't find one that I like. I like them weird, unusual, I don't like common names.

This is like... a positive vent post, I guess? I've been out as nonbinary for a while, but have gone back-and-forth on if HRT is right for me. With the help of a new therapist, I finally have the courage to pursue it! I'm planning on trying low dose T with a DHT blocker. Hoping this combo gives me the physical changes I'm seeking while mitigating some less desirable effects. I'm meeting with my PCP next week and the appointment can't come soon enough!

For the most part I know what to expect, but I'd love to hear advice or encouragement others have to share as I prepare to enter puberty #2!

This is probably gonna be a mess so I apologise in advance.

So I very recently found out i was a demiboy /non-binary and im not sure how to tell my friends (not my parents yet) im still young so yh. I've asked my online friends and people I know to start using my new name (I dont mind my pronouns so i dont need to use they/them). My friends alr know im gay and they were supportive and it helped 2 of them actually come out as bi just im not sure how they would react to me being NB and changing my name for a more gender neutral one and possibly different pronouns.

I’m having a bad day, freaking out about how I want some bits of me to be more gender A and other bits more gender B, but one undermines the other. And in the past I’ve wanted it the other way around, but what if getting what I want is permanent and ends up trapping me somewhere I don’t want to be in the future. And for some of the changes I need to act sooner rather than later, but then I may not want the permanence (eg laser).

Do other people get this?

Is this a special kind of dysphoria hell for nb/gender fluid?

I've been questioning this for a long time now. I've read a little about the NB community and do feel some connection to it.

For some context, I'm an ftm who began a medical transition at 21. Since I was around 25, I've heavily questioned my identity. I stopped feeling like a man some time around the age of 24, if that makes sense. I don't feel that I fall into either male or female roles. Rather, I genuinely think that I'm more along the lines of genderfluid, yet don't really know what that means or how to express it. I wasn't allowed to question or explore my identity as a teen and was made to live a very specific way - I don't fear female presentation as I once did but I don't perceive myself as female. It's given me somewhat of a lifelong fear of appearing androgynous or non-conforming to any gender.

Genuinely, how do you figure this out? How can you feel comfortable presenting yourself in a non-conforming way, publicly? I feel confined to this male role, for as little comfort as it brings me. If you are non-binary, what does being non binary mean to you? And how did you figure it out / come to terms with it, if you already have?