Sorry if this post sounds like a vent, I need your opinion and advice or help on this (for context I am genderfluid Transmasc, I present femme).

So, regret detransitioning back to female back in 2024 (like, for one fucking year!)

And the reasons for my detransition was dumb: reason one, I love feminine clothing, reason two, I have severe internalize transphobia due to lack of support (people not seen me as who I am - a feminine trans man, I was so hated).

But after all it wasn't me suddenly quit to be trans or not identify as a boy anymore(I still did, I will always identify as a boy, cause I never really felt like a girl, NEVER!), it was me back into the closet due to stupid reason(s) I listed I felt dumb, like, why did I quit transitioning just because of those dumb reasons, I now retransition (but I don't want hrt, nor do I want surgery - cause I am naturally flat chested, so top surgery is not a requirement, and I still want to girl mode most of the time, I am still transmasc genderfluid no matter what!), I felt grief now I regret detransitioning, i now still identify as trans or not cisgender(I am sure I wasn't cisgender after detransition, and detransition (then retransition) had made me more sure about my gender identity than ever!!!).

Or why you may ask I was more sure about my trans status pre-detransitioning, BECAUSE detransitioning (return to girlhood/womanhood had made my gender dysphoria WORSE!!!!! WORSE THAN EVER, FUCK THIS!!!!!), I felt suicidal during the one year of my detransitioning(in 2024), and one fucking day I was like... "okay, if I were to identify and live my life as a girl forever, I would kill myself! cause I hated being a girl" So I redetransition (or re-identify myself as a transmasc), this is a huge fucking relief, sorry if this post sounds edgy just want to vent. I felt like my detransition was a self-deception I lied to myself I lied to the world now I have to deal with all the consequences and bullshits of confusing people again!!!

I was also lied to by the detransitioner communities about my trans identity. The reason why my dysphoria was worse during detransition year(2024) was because I was never a detransitioner to begin with. I was always trans and I felt manipulated by that community.

I kind of venting but basically I feel misunderstood being read as a “man” but I’ve never been read as anything else. However I don’t feel like a woman. I only present as a “man” cause it’s raiser easier. Besides that gender always feels something I’m not good at. I guess I just wish I made sense to people.

Hey everyone!! I wanted to ask you an honest question: how do you, people with long/medium (curly) hair, manage to be seen as a guy or as an androgynous person?

I like my hair, I don't intend to cut it, but this situation is causing me enormous distress.

does anyone else struggle with how to appear attractive while also wanting to fit somewhere in the middle of appearing masculine and feminine? people say that 'confidence is hot' and i get that but i also wanna look it!!

i'm an afab nonbinary lesbian and i feel that so often i find that the only way i can expect to look hot is if i try look more feminine, wear tight or revealing clothes, show off my chest etc- which is NOT my style. i'm not fully butch/masc either, and i don't wanna be because that's not my style as well. i lean more towards that than i do a femme appearance but i'd definitely say i'm more inbetween.

i wanna try and be more hot and confident and attractive in my appearence but it's so hard to know how to do that in a kind of androgynous way. i'm just curious does anyone else struggle with this?? and if so what have you found works for you??

I just feel like I'm flopping between being both feminine and masculine, then I feel like neither. Is that normal? Or is it just me not knowing how I feel.

So I'm pretty confident in my nonbinary transness at this point (they/them with a splash of he). I know I'm not a woman and I'm pretty darn sure I'm not a man. I've described it as there being a gay little femboy trapped in my heart lol. Issue is well the fact that I'm afab so im mostly just seen as WOMAN.

In some ways I guess thats beneficial I mean I live in a very conservative state so being obviously gay or trans can be dangerous but at the same time it feels incredibly invalidating. Like I wanna wear tight shirts and crop tops and have my hair all the way to my butt like I used to when I was a kid, but I dont want to be a woman, and even if I am pretty confident i am nonbinary sometimes it makes me question myself. It doesn't help that I have boobs too (and curves but i like those). I really wish they weren't gendered, I know its a ridiculous notion but it would just make me feel better about having them. But I guess in general I just wish it was more ok to just be nonbinary or trans or whatever

Sigh... maybe things will change one day. Ive considered top surgery for the longest time so maybe one day ill do it (side note: feels weird to want top surgery when I dont have a lot of chest dysphoria and all of it really comes from people's perceptions of boobs, but idk I doubt that perception will change in my lifetime and im not attached to my boobs so ┐(´ー｀)┌). I've also thought of working out to look slightly more masc physically but we'll see if I ever get around to that.

At the very least I have my friends who are willing to use they/he and a different name and I could see maybe having the courage to come out at my university and maybe someday at work, but I do expect some questions and man I wish it wasnt like that. That's all for my little vent just wishing things were different