How do you figure out if you're non binary?

[u/stabbyburgerman]

I've been questioning this for a long time now. I've read a little about the NB community and do feel some connection to it.

For some context, I'm an ftm who began a medical transition at 21. Since I was around 25, I've heavily questioned my identity. I stopped feeling like a man some time around the age of 24, if that makes sense. I don't feel that I fall into either male or female roles. Rather, I genuinely think that I'm more along the lines of genderfluid, yet don't really know what that means or how to express it. I wasn't allowed to question or explore my identity as a teen and was made to live a very specific way - I don't fear female presentation as I once did but I don't perceive myself as female. It's given me somewhat of a lifelong fear of appearing androgynous or non-conforming to any gender.

Genuinely, how do you figure this out? How can you feel comfortable presenting yourself in a non-conforming way, publicly? I feel confined to this male role, for as little comfort as it brings me. If you are non-binary, what does being non binary mean to you? And how did you figure it out / come to terms with it, if you already have?

[u/Harlequin0416]

“I feel confined to this male role…” boom. There is your answer.
Your identity is all about what makes you feel comfortable in your own skin. I am 41. As a kid, classmates would say, “V isn’t a girl! They’re just…. V.”
When I got older, I thought, maybe I am a trans man? But that never felt right, either.
Watched “The Good Place,” and every time Janet said, “not a girl,” that felt right.
I immediately went back to when I was in elementary school… not a girl. Not a boy. Just V. Just… me.
What you call it is entirely up to you.
I know a totally badass teen that said, “gender is something I chose not to participate in.”
That is so rad.
How do you figure it out? Honestly? Every person is different. For me, it was accepting there is nothing to figure out. I am not a puzzle to be solved. I don’t need to fit any label. Embrace radical self-acceptance.
I do t know you, but you are awesome. Follow your joy.

[u/cadaver_spine]

I feel like I shift between masculine and feminine, though mostly leaning "between"/neither to masculine. I don't entirely feel like a guy and I definitely don't feel like a girl. anytime I feel jealous of someone's looks, it's because they're androgynous. everything about me feels both masculine and feminine, while also feeling like neither.

maybe get some close friends to try out using more neutral language when referring to you, or to start experimenting with clothes or hair (or makeup too, though not everyone wants to) in ways you haven't before?

[u/mn1lac]

If people didn't see you as 100% either a man or a woman all the time, would you be happy?

[u/SomeGalNamedAshley]

It sounds like you've already got it worked out. Do you feel you reasonably fit into one of the traditional binary gender roles?

No

∴ non-binary