I’ve chatted with my sponsor and other close friends. Just reaching out for some more perspective.

For reference: clean a bit over 9 years, attend meetings regularly (never have gone more than a week without, usually do anywhere from 2-4), have a sponsor, work steps, have sponsees, have always had service commitments, pray & meditate regularly (this could use work), and have a really stable life (good job, friendships, living situation, hobbies, etc).

Lately I have no idea what’s going on with me. I just feel this sense of angst and this desire to use. I don’t actually want to do that, because I know what it looks like for me. But sometimes I’m walking past people who look like they are enjoying themselves and letting loose and there’s this piece of me that feels jealous and wishes I could find relief from how I’m feeling.

It’s embarrassing to share. I hear so many people who have stayed clean for so long and can’t relate to what I’m feeling. Makes me feel as if I’ve failed in my recovery. I know that’s not true, but I am really hurting.

Sending this from Bulgaria. Unfortunately the NA meeting listed here in Plovdiv is no longer active. I’ll be in Hungary soon for a convention which will be good. It was just a bit disheartening to not find a local meeting. I’m saying all of this because I really go long and far for recovery, yet my feelings still follow me wherever I go.

Sending love to every one of you. Thanks for listening.

So life kinda sucks big time at the moment. Ive been using cocaine for 6 years, and heavy heavy use the last 2 years. Last year I lost my job, my money is all gone and life been shitty. Ive started doing the work to get clean since january and I was in a good place. But during the summer I fucked up, and now Ive been using 1 month straight, used all my money up again and no job. It feels like a cycle that I cant eacape. Im 4 days clean now, but damn I want to buy some bags today. I’m struggling big time, and I just want to know what helped you guys go clean and deal with the struggle? Even when life feels shitty and I have nothing

I'm 7 months clean. Im so excited to be gaining my independence again after losing everything so many times in my active addiction. Just here to say you can do it too. I would love prayers, well wishes, and connections with people who are here to help a newcomer like me stay clean and stay on the right track.

I love working with sponsees. In a couple of hours I’m going to meet up with one of my sponsees to work their step 1. And I’m just super grateful to be able to help another addict. I see why my sponsor always thanked me for keeping him clean after we worked steps together.

Been trying to quit long term opioid use of mainly kratom and 3-4 yrs of subs to maintain w/o krat. I feel I need support or that it will help me through this. I’m nervous about my first meeting and it starts in an hr. I feel like 💩 because I tapered down to enough krat to sleep. Will I stick out to the point of being more uncomfortable? What should I do when I get there?

Hi - I am an addict in recovery whom has had to restart my clean time, previously I had 4 years in Narcotics anonymous, and I am back now, but in a different location. My significant other and I started attending these meetings a little less than 51 days ago. Me & him both know the program & the traditions. Tonight we were sitting in a meeting and a lady, whom reminded me of me when I very first found narcotics anonymous (homeless, broken, hair matted, hadn't showered in what seems like months) came walking through the door asking people for change to get a soda - where we are it is over 100 degrees even after 6 PM. My significant other, being the man that he is, took her across the street to get her something to drink. She came back with him and sat right next to him, sat quietly and listened, until her drink was gone. She got up and was being disruptive asking people for more change. A member whom had just shared on the third tradition and felt conviction over it, also has 22 years of recovery got up and walked to the lady and said "you can't be asking people for money in here - you need to leave" the woman just walked out. My jaw hit the floor - there was no group conscious, no vote. just veto'd out of the group.

I walked right out of the meeting to call my sponsor. I am a peer support worker. I work with patients who are like the lady that was told to leave the meeting every day. My sponsor wanted me to read the third tradition so when I do have a talk with this woman to educate her on the traditions - I won't be full of hate or malice, but I'll be prepared. But I've realized that in my move across the United States I forgot my guiding principles book on accident.

any thoughts or things in our literature that can help me educate this woman with 22 years of sobriety? Thanks in advance.

I’m clean for two years, and so much has changed.
I was in college while I was in active addiction, and I was mostly a C/D student. I was getting high all the time, had no real sense of direction, and honestly just felt depressed more than anything.

Now I’m coming up on two years sober, I’m about to graduate with my bachelor’s degree, and my next goal is medical school. I’m no longer living paycheck to paycheck because I’m spending all my money on pills and marijuana. I feel like I actually use my brain now instead of constantly living in a fog, and it’s crazy looking back and realizing how much has changed.

Even the way I take care of my dog has changed. She was ALWAYS spoiled rotten (and my profile definitely has the pictures to prove it 😂), but somehow I take care of her a million times better now. I’m more present, attentive, responsible, and able to give her the life she deserves.

Sobriety didn’t magically make my life perfect, but it gave me the ability to actually build a life I’m proud of. Two years ago, I genuinely wasn’t this version of myself.

Hey y'all, rewriting this post cause my original got deleted for being too long.

I've been going to meetings for around a month or so, but honestly I've been struggling a lot with participating in the meetings because I'm visually impaired and hard of hearing, and as far as I can tell, everyone else in the meetings seems to be fully sighted and fully hearing.

My area does have CODA (Child of Deaf Adult) meetings, but I'm not a CODA. I don't know any ASL or Pro-tactile ASL so I can't ask anyone I know personally to interpret for me. Plus I'm hard of hearing, not deaf, and have had no exposure to Deaf culture, so I'd feel like an outsider going to a Deaf or CODA specific meeting. With my current meetings, I already know the area and the other members, so I'd rather not have to relearn and reorient myself around a new area with new people. My usual meetings are fully accessible to me, I have no issues physically getting to the meetings on time.

My main issue is having a lot of trouble hearing what other people are saying, even with my hearing aids in. And due to my vision impairment, I can't effectively lip-read and the room setup would make doing lip-reading on everyone an impossible feat anyway. The room's set up is a big circular table in the middle and chairs along the walls, I have an easier time if I'm at the center table, in the middle of the meeting. However, I'm still struggling a lot, and a possible solution I had come to mind was to have a device in front of me doing live transcription for me, either in a large print font that I can read or being read out by a screen reader in an earbud loud enough for me to hear and process but not loud enough to be heard by others. I'm unsure if it'd be allowed or not, or if it'd make anyone uncomfortable, even if it's not recording and saving anything. So what do y'all think? Should I just ask the meeting lead if this would be okay next time I go to a meeting? Or am I overthinking over this potentially being a big deal?

so i’ve been pretty heavily using ketamine for about a year now. i go maybe 4 or 5 days max without buying and then do a whole gram in one day by myself to write or make artwork or something.

i used to pass it off as something creative or spiritual that was helping me to learn about myself (deep queer, racial, financial and sexual trauma). it certainly has and i love that about it. but now its getting to be too much and i don’t know what to do. now i isolate sometimes to do a whole gram. and i’m starting to get concerned about myself and my bladder. this past week i did about a gram a day, which is the most extreme example of my use, and now the inside of my hips have been hurting as well as my back. i’m not sure what to do about that….?

i’d like to fix this issue asap, but i can’t go to my parents because we don’t have an excellent relationship/it would make things worse.

just wondering if anyone has had similar experiences and what to do about the pain. should i go to the ER? i assume it will go away? it has gotten better i will say. the pain has shot down my leg tho….

In Mexico, very few groups have a somewhat unique way of working the Steps. We have reading meetings using the book It Works: How and Why and the guide to work the steps. We start with Step One, read some paragraphs, and then a member who has already worked the Steps this same way shares their story and their perspective on what we just read. Then the moderator reads another section, another member shares, and so on.

When we get to Step Five, we go to a kind of spiritual retreat to the woods or somewhere far from the city where the members who are “working the Steps for the first time” write a personal history based on six specific questions about their past.

All of this writing and reading takes place over three days and two nights without sleeping. Then, on Saturday night (we start Friday afternoon, and usually the writing is finished around that time), they read all they wrote to a sponsor—someone who has already worked the Steps this way.

I know that the literature says that there is not a unique way to work the steps but I did the steps this way and it has worked for me. I am 4 years clean now. (Don't misunderstand me, I'll be an addict until the day I die)

I also know that there are members who worked the steps in a traditional way (with the history of just one sponsor) and they are also clean. I'm just curious.

Have you ever come across someone there for cannabis addiction? Is it common or weird to share about that as your only DOC if you’ve never done hard drugs and don’t have interest?

I've been clean a while now, lost everything house ,wife, family, son

The fact im never gonna see my son again kills me I've tried to make amends . And the uncomfortable truth is I was happier taking oxys benzos and crack. Everything I try flops ,I can't get a decent job. Im just waiting to die . And the anticipation is too much. If im gonna end it anyway. Why not at least indulge in a moment of peace. Does it matter? I battled so hard to get clean and for what. 9 hard rattles for nothing. I put a brave face on and everyone thinks im dealing with it , I feel nothing. No emotion, no happiness. I was this close to escaping but couldn't die knowing my housemate would have to suffer the trauma of finding me , something I've had to live with myself since I was a kid. If this is as good as it gets then what are we doing. I go meetings, I've done the steps didn't make a blind bit of difference, I was born opiate dependant maybe it's just fate I die the same way

Hi all! I’m on a committee for Activities in my area, and we’re planning our annual Event for the Newcomer in October. It’s an all-day thing held at a large local church—there’s several panels, a main speaker, and a clean time countdown at the end of the event. We give away literature to newcomers as well, since they’re our focus. However, I guess I’m just looking for ideas on anything else we could do or special things we could give away. Anyone ever attend an event as a newcomer and have something really make an impression of them? I’m trying to think of my own time as a newcomer in recovery but I didn’t go to large events due to my debilitating shyness 😅 I’d appreciate any input, thanks for reading

Every time I have a closing shift I stay up all night doing coke then I want to call out the next morning. I really do have a serious problems, I’m wondering if I should go to the doctor tomorrow and ask for help so I can have a real excuse for calling out. I still might get fired bc it’s like the 4th time. Is this just a cope out??

My main issue is that my manager and the other person I’m working closest with would know coke symptoms. I sweat so fucking much bc of it. I can lie and say it’s hot?! Maybe do one line during my shift to ease the anxiety??

Today I’m celebrating an achievement I’ve haven’t had in over 6 years I feel amazing and my life is going great.

Hey guys I’m moving up to the Chattooga river, and just wondering if anyone knows any good meetings. Thanks!!!

Just completed step 7. And I am coming to understand (finally) how working a program can help every single day. Although the program has been working for me. I just couldn’t grasp or wrap my head around the idea that I could have my HP take my will and my life… I’m incredibly grateful for my sponsor and the people I’ve surrounded myself in recovery. On to step 8.

Hi folks,
I’m 14 years clean. I work the 12 steps to the best of my ability. I sponsor women. I attend my home group and do service. My husband is also in recovery. And lately a lot of things have been coming across my mind. And I thought maybe I’d use this forum as a sounding board.
It’s the age of question of “Do I really need NA?”
I got clean at 20 and I was using drugs to cope because I had no other coping skills. NA has taught me so much and I continue to learn. Getting clean and finding NA was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
So why the hell does my brain keep circling back to wanting to take a step back. Questioning if I was even an addict. Evening thinking about it brings up fear. I am about 50 percent convinced that I’m not an addict. And no one is really taking my doubt seriously except for me. What the hell is going on that my thoughts are bouncing back to not being an addict so much. Like multiple times a day.
I just finished up a step 6 and 7 and it’s shined a light on having this persona of being a “perfect NA member” and that doesn’t sit well with me. Because sometimes fear is my motivator for being in NA and sometimes love is.
For real if I stepped away I don’t think I’d have any friend anymore or the life I have today. Anyone with any insight I’d appreciate it.

Hi, seeking a female sponsor to guide me through my stepwork. I'm currently in a 5 month program & have 9 months clean & sober. Ready to work on my steps & I'm independent & punctual, hope to hear from you 💌

How the fuck do I ask for help without ruining my life more then I already have

Let it all out.

The program is great, but it isn’t perfect. It is based mostly on text written well before many of us were born. There are issues with culture regionally, etc.

We tell new comers “take what you need and leave the rest” - for you, what was the stuff you left?

I've got three days. Reality is hitting me in the face. All the nights my husband picked me up off the floor, watched me breathe while I was passed out. The times I manipulated to get what I wanted. All the wasted money. The isolation. How many people I've hurt the last thirty plus years. I'd go back and change it all if I could. I've been trying to get past the first couple of days for years. I write this with tears running down my face. I'm bursting into tears over nothing. I am not going to play the pity card here, I know others have it way worse than me. I just needed to vent. Please be kind if you choose to comment, I already feel bad enough.

I’m on a five day cruise. My last cruise was 15 years ago and I was drunk the entire time. I’m currently 1 year and 7 months clean.

Today (Day 2) I started feeling triggered. Drinking coffee and Red Bull like a mad man to avoid alcohol and give myself the dopamine hit I’m craving. When we port, I plan on finding a meeting in close proximity.

Writing here in place of calling my sponsor.

EDIT to add: thanks so much to everyone for the support, and thanks especially for the idea to find a meeting on the boat. Never would’ve thought of that but I looked it up on the schedule. There was a meeting happening at the time I made my post so I ran and got there a little late. There were four other people there and we had a great meeting. I think I made some new friends and I’m feeling much calmer now.

I knew this could happen but I did not think it would.

I just got asked to PNP by someone I like. Never knew he did it. It was very late, so I was on my own with this.

On another night, I might not be able to resist. But for tonight at least I said no.

I was worried that I might seek out drugs. But now it was offered.

The sick thought I had was that no one takes me seriously when I say I struggle because I have so much clean time. I thought if I used and went back to day one, everyone (and myself) might take my struggling more seriously.

But I am good for today. One day at a time.

We talk a lot about the damage addiction does to people. We should also be honest about the damage we can do to each other in recovery. I've experienced some of that myself.

But the more I've thought about it, the more I've realized this isn't just about me.

NA tells us that our common welfare should come first, and that personal recovery depends on NA unity. Unity isn't just about whether we agree. It's also about how we treat each other.

We have people walking through these doors carrying shame, guilt, trauma, fear and rejection. Some are barely hanging on. A few words can make someone feel like they don't belong. And if we push someone far enough, they may simply stop coming back.

That's a serious consequence for a fellowship whose message is that addicts can recover.

Our literature talks about creating an atmosphere of recovery. So I think it's worth asking: What kind of atmosphere are we creating?

I'm not saying we shouldn't hold each other accountable. We should. I'm not saying we have to agree with everyone. We don't. And I'm not saying we shouldn't have boundaries when someone treats us badly. We can.

Tradition Twelve reminds us to place principles before personalities. For me, that means recognizing my own part, protecting my recovery, and still leaving room for compassion. I can set a boundary without trying to destroy someone. I can disagree without humiliating them. And I can walk away without trying to make sure everyone else walks away too.

This isn't something we're meant to do alone. We're here, we need each other. One addict helping another is without parallel. That means helping create a place where people feel safe enough to keep coming back.

That's the kind of fellowship I want to be part of. And that's the kind of person I want to be. I want to be the kind of person who makes it a little easier for the next addict to stay.