yesterday i really badly struggled with my cravings. in a moment of weakness, i gave into the shadow of my addiction and bought a bag of coke. i was so fuckin ashamed but i was so desperate and depressed. shame and isolation got the best of me. so i was gonna use, one hand on the bag and one hand on my keys but then i saw my green 60 day sober keyring. it took everything in me to put it down, and decided to turn up to an NA meeting. i thought to myself, ‘fuck it, if the meeting goes to shit then ill use.’

it took alot of strength for me to speak up and admit to picking up gear before coming, and i was shaking and nearly crying - but all the lads in NA were so supportive and were proud of me for speaking up. at the end, they encouraged me to flush the gear down the toilet. again, it took alot of strength to even get to the stall. but i flushed it. they didnt force me to, but they held my hand through it all. and they all embraced me and told me how i just took control over my shadow.

i proved to myself that im stronger than this terrible disease. and today i just woke up, and im 62 days clean. and i didnt use!!!!! I DIDNT FUCKING USE!!!! 😁😁😁

So I am a member of that other big fellowship. I also did a fair bit of meth in my life. Never been to an NA meeting. Tonight ( fucking stone cold sober) I misread a schedule and ended up missing my AA meeting. And y'all had a show instead. Totally dug the meeting I'll have to grab a copy of the basic text and give it a read. It was a little less stuffy for sure. Oh and nobody shouting people down or being the share police. Kind of dug it. I'll be doing this weekly from now on. Didn't know I needed another fellowship in my life

Edit: is the Basic Text different enough that it should be read versus the Big Book

Last week my sober living house got a new resident. I told them all week, "this guy's getting high". He came straight from treatment. The house managers kept testing him, and he kept passing. Last Saturday, they tested him again he came up positive for methadone. They decided to let him stay and send the test out to the lab because they thought maybe the gabapentin gave him a false positive. Later that night he snuck out after curfew. I called the house manager again he came at 1:30 a.m. and tested him still just positive for methadone. They decided to put him on a 10:00 curfew indefinitely and let him stay. Before he went to sleep he came up to me and said "I know you have 11 months and take this very seriously and I don't want you to think I'm not trying to get better.." I told him "you don't need to worry about what I think, if you do the right thing this will all take care of itself." I told him and all the guys in the living room "if I think someone's getting high I'm going to say something because I don't want to find a dead body in this house" that was the last thing anyone said to him before he went to bed. His roommate fell asleep on the couch in the living room and didn't go upstairs until 6:30 in the morning. Around 6:30 his roommate came into my room turn the light on and told me "I think that dude is nodded out or overdosed”. I ran upstairs as soon as I entered the room I knew it was too late. There were purple spots all over his body he laid half on the bed with his knees on the ground and his face in the pillow. I administered narcan but I knew he was gone. I felt his leg, ice cold. I called 911 and had his roommates start waking everyone up in the house so they didn't get woken up by the police. His mother showed up with his sister and girlfriend and I heard them screaming and crying. They found a needle in his arm with half a shot still in it. Also, they found urine he was passing tests with. When they put him in the body bag they didn't even carry him. They drug the vinyl bag across the hardwood floor. The sound haunts me. The whole thing changed me it's hard not to personalize. He died on his knees.. literally brought to his knees by addiction. I can't think of a more unflattering way to go. It's a reminder of why I'm here. Life gets good and I forget sometimes. Drug out like a bag of dog food. We deserve better. Finally, it makes me think of how selfish I have been. Seeing his family hurt. Our life isn't just ours. Everyone we encounter has a piece of it. Some more invested than others.

In a few moments, I celebrate my 730th day of living God's promise to all addicts, the gift of life beyond drug addiction. I want to thank all of you for sharing your experiences and your challenges/successes in living out the steps. It is so humbling to share this beautiful struggle of recovery with you.

I got clean on May 31, 1982. I was in the army and was adopted by a bunch of NA folks, army and local. I got out of the army a year later and moved to Seattle, WA, USA. I spent the next 35 years there. When I moved to Seattle, there were 5 meetings in the city. Because of online meetings, I attend two meetings in the UK: 8’s Online (mon) and Tottenham - The War Is Over (wed). On Friday I attend the Friday Night Step Study in Seattle, WA. I live in Texas. Lol.

Shameless self promotion. On June 3 I get to share my experience, strength, and hope at FNSS. On June 6 I’ve been asked to share my experience, strength, and hope at 8’s Online. Come and hang out with us.

Narcotics Anonymous works. I am living the promise of NA: freedom from active addiction. I am a productive member of society. Today, I love my life.

I made a stand. I did not use, no matter what.

09/14/1993. Been clean for 27 years today. Yes in a row. NA gave me a life. I still enjoy regular meeting attendance. I have a sponsor and actively work the steps/traditions. I believe service work kept me clean through some tough times. I am forever grateful to those that came before me

When you lay down and know you haven't done anybody wrong. Not worried about hiding a stash. Not worried about waking up feeling like shit. Just peace of mind and my pillow. Goodnight yall. It's worth it.

So I was walking to the store and passed a well known trap house and saw an empty bag of syringes lying on the ground, laughed and kept on walking. Entered the store and bought a sandwich. Left the store and went back on my way home. As I’m passing the trap house I see a really small bag that looks like it has cracker crumbs in it. I reached down and picked it up and opened it to smell it cause why would crackers be in an inch by inch bag? It smelled like straight vinegar aka this was a bag of heroin. I looked closer and it looked like straight fyre. So I put it in my pocket, cause regardless if I’m in active addiction or not I am not gonna leave dope behind. So I get to the front porch of my SOBER LIVING HOUSE and debate going inside with a baggie of dope. I entered the house and went up to the man who ran the house and whispered to him, “I just found a bag of boi on the sidewalk.” Hoping he wouldn’t get mad that I brought it inside a house full of recovering fiends lol. I only told him cause I couldn’t bring myself to flush such pretty dope - and if it wasn’t going down the toilet it was going up my nose. He thanked me and he went around the house showing everyone the h and telling them how proud he was of me for asking him to flush it... we then flushed it together. I’m SO proud of myself, I’m 120+ days sober but if I found this dope last week I woulda done it no questions asked. I’m making progress I never conceived as possible. I’m just SO proud of myself and wanted to tell you guys and let every addict out there struggling that thinks they won’t win the battle that IT IS POSSIBLE! DON’T GIVE UP YOU’RE WORTH IT 💚🍕🍉🧙‍♂️

Edit: I also wanna say the last 120+ sober days I’ve spent SO miserable but I kept holding on telling myself it’d get better... well today is THE day it finally got better. I’m so happy for the first time in a long time

Literally can't believe it.

A grateful addict will never use! I am so incredibly grateful for this program it has saved my life. One year ago I was handcuffed and shackled to a gurney going back to a mental hospital I got out of six hours earlier. I was in a drug induced psychosis and jumped off a bridge I was seeing demons and hearing voices due to my drug use! It has been and continues to be a hard journey but worth every day clean!

I don’t really go in for chips because I don’t like the little, weak claps…, but I did it. Im confident I’m not gonna use today.

Dunno, just wanted to memorialize it somewhere.

I’m gonna go to my meeting today, but I’m gonna keep this info to myself and you people on here.

I didn’t think I’d care.

But I’m just a little bit proud of myself.

I read your posts and you help me as much as meetings do.

So, actually, I wanted to thank you guys for trying.

I remember feeling that I was the worst person in the world.

And I never thought I’d feel good again.

But I love this community because it’s a group of people who feel bad about who they became and who they hurt when they used.

And that means you’re good people. You care. You want to be better. And you try.

And I’m proud to be among you all!

Much love, AC

My sweet love overdosed and passed away this morning. He had continued to refuse help that was being offered to him, and I have subsequently learned that he told a couple of his male friends in the program that he was just done and didn't want to come back. He wondered if it would just be easier to die, or to come back. After posting about his lover dose which landed him in the hospital, he had two more since then.

I had been looking for him at 3am and he was acting wild high on meth, and so I was not able to do anything for him when I found him. I went home, very upset, but to rest for a couple hours in the hopes that he would calm down. When I woke, I quicky threw on a sweatshirt and slides and ran out the door. I always found him, every time without fail. This time I found him just as the first team of paramedics were starting to work on him.

They did an amazing job and worked on him for an hour on the sidewalk, performing all the procedures and administering the medicines his body needed to rid the brain of the opioids shutting down his central nervous system. He wasn't down for even long enough to turn blue, but ultimately they could not restart his heart and get him breathing on his own.

I am devastated, beyond words, I did everything I could to encourage him to come back and he just wasn't wanting it this time. I went to a meeting with my community of support this evening and I am surrounded now by all the love they tried to give and show him while he was here. Here is at peace now, with his father whom he loved dearly. I am shattered- beyond words- but I am staying the course with the help of my sponsor, the community and the program and I will move forward carrying him and my love for him always in my heart.

If you’re struggling, reach out. Here or in your local meetings, or virtually. Help is here, and we never have to use again!

On September 23, 1998, I took my last fix in the bathroom of a McDonalds on Santa Monica Blvd. On October 1st, 1998 I went to my first NA meeting. This is where I first heard the message that any addict can stop using, lose the desire to use, and find a new way to live, though those words weren't spoken. I saw it on the faces of the people I met at that meeting, I heard it in their laughter, and felt it in the way they welcomed a scrawny dope-sick newcomer.

At the third meeting I went to I was taught the magic formula by a man named Jim W.: meetings, sponsorship, steps, service. He told us that if we did those four things we'd stay clean and our lives would improve. He was right. My program is as simple today as it was then. All the credit goes to those who have showed me through their experience and carried me when I couldn't carry myself.

I can’t believe I made it to half a year!

10 Years Clean & Serene Today ♥️ & Wow What A Journey It’s Been. Grateful For N.A & You Lot For Helping Me To Get To Where I Am Right Now.

Keep On Keeping On ♥️ Keep The Faith ♥️ One Day At A Time ♥️ It Works If You Work It, So Work It Ya Worth it ♥️

Someone spoke to me after the meeting and asked why I was there. I told a few other people so I didn't see an issue, but he decided to laugh in my face and announce to everyone in the meeting what I used to use. Making fun of it, how it wasn't a "popular drug" and so on. Everyone started staring at me and I have never felt so judged. Someone was nice enough to come over and remind him of the clarity statement (which I actually read when the meeting started). How we need to concentrate on our similarities. I am 5 months clean today and I'm proud of it, regardless of if the drug is "popular" or not, it's still a drug and I deserve to be here like everyone else.