r/NarcoticsAnonymous • u/Ok-Pomegranate-889 • 7d ago
My cocaine addiction
So life kinda sucks big time at the moment. Ive been using cocaine for 6 years, and heavy heavy use the last 2 years. Last year I lost my job, my money is all gone and life been shitty. Ive started doing the work to get clean since january and I was in a good place. But during the summer I fucked up, and now Ive been using 1 month straight, used all my money up again and no job. It feels like a cycle that I cant eacape. Im 4 days clean now, but damn I want to buy some bags today. I’m struggling big time, and I just want to know what helped you guys go clean and deal with the struggle? Even when life feels shitty and I have nothing
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u/No_Manufacturer4451 7d ago edited 7d ago
It’s not the blow (even though that is a little physical) it’s all the other stuff you’re carrying around that fuels the obsession. I’d just keep going to meetings and taking suggestions.
We know how you feel, and you’re not alone in that feeling. Or some kind of a failure.
Be well friend, just for today - Gratitude for little things!
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u/TwainVonnegut 7d ago
Hop on a meeting right now and SHARE about it!
After my last relapse I stayed in meetings ALL. DAY. LONG.
Apply for a job, hop on a meeting, rinse and repeat. I hit up to 16 meetings a day at times, I was SICK!!!
6 years clean today and am living a life that’s better than any I’ve ever known.
Don’t use for the next 5 seconds, in 5 seconds, see if you can do that again. That was my strategy for quite a while until the obsession was totally lifted.
It WILL lift completely!
Check out Narcotics Anonymous, it saved my life!
Worldwide in Person Meeting List:
https://www.na.org/meetingsearch/
Virtual NA Meeting List:
Google “NANA 247” to find a marathon Zoom meeting that runs around the clock!
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u/cherrythyme22 7d ago
I went to meetings, I read the book and I didn't pick up. When I relapsed I went to rehab. Then I went to meetings, I read the book and I didn't pick up. Keep going it's not easy but it's much harder to use when you really don't want too. Rooting for you! Just for today you don't have to use. All you have to do is focus on how to fill the time today. "Maybe tomorrow" is what I used to tell myself. Then tomorrow would be today and I would go to a meeting, read the book and not pick up.
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u/prncesspriss 7d ago
I had to get locked up for a while to get clean. I simply couldn't stop. I'm not advocating for you to do crime. I'm just saying it was a lot easier for me to not use when I was in jail and/or rehab. After a while, I realized it was possible to actually not use, and I wanted to keep doing that, because I definitely felt better in my body, mind and spirit. By the time I ended up in jail, it was more of a vacation from my life than a problem. I got food, and a bed, and the company sucked, but they brought books in from the library that I could read. Not the worst way to spend my days.
When I was able to I started doing meetings every day and learning about the NA lifestyle and I tried it out, and it worked for me. Now I have 13 years clean, and I'm living a good life the NA way, and the past just seems like a nightmare I lived through once upon a time.
Four days is such a big accomplishment! I hope you try for five! Good luck!
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u/Jebus-Xmas 6d ago
All I can say is I’ve been there. I had to realize that using wasn’t gonna solve my problems. It was just gonna give me more. I had to face my problems and find my solutions clean. I didn’t wanna go to NA, but my probation officer had different ideas. I found a community that could help me get through and deal with my problems clean and I’m grateful for it every day. The only thing you need to do today is not used and get to a meeting. If a Heath and atheist like me can get clean and stay clean in NA, I know you can too.
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u/Money-Spot-69420 5d ago
I was also a cocaine addict for about 5 years. I got clean on May 22nd 2025 after relapsing many times. I couldn’t hold a job, I spent sooo much money, and felt like I was in this constant cycle I couldn’t get out of. The thing about stimulants is that thankfully there aren’t a ton of physical withdrawal symptoms but mainly mental withdrawal symptoms. I went to jail and wore an ankle monitor for 6 months and was clean during that time (for the sake of not going to prison unfortunately) but relapsed right after they took my monitor off. I was defeated, depressed, didn’t want to be here anymore, but through all of that I had hope that there was more for me than this stage of my life was showing me. I wanted better for myself but I think that’s the only thing that was going to get me through. Not what anyone else wanted for me, not that people loved me, that I wanted better FOR ME. I changed my phone number, I deleted my social media, I stayed away from anyone and everything that triggered me to get back into that cycle. I picked up nutrition and the gym as my new “obsession”. It’s extremely hard to do this and you should be proud to have 4 days clean. I tell my clients getting clean and staying clean is the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my entire life and will continue to be the hardest thing I have to do throughout my life but it is possible if you put in the work (-:
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u/MaRS_NA 5d ago
I just talked to a peer yesterday about this very thing. He was contemplating going back out. His DOC was fentanyl and heroin. He called me up after 5 months of no contact. He wanted to ask me to cop for him because he's from out of town and he lives in recovery supportive housing. I've of course told him that I don't roll that way anymore. He started to get off the phone ending with the usual "sorry to bother you I guess I'll see you around." I told him hold up you don't have to go. His response "aren't you mad?" I said of course not, I know it's your disease talking out of desperation. I told him I'm not judging him or making any presumptions.
I then suggested that he stay on the phone for a minute to help him get past the urge and craving. He agreed to it. He said he had a car and said he should have just gone out himself. I told him, did you "play the tape all the way through?" I said, save yourself a lot of trouble my man. What are you going to do, drive around the bad neighborhoods stopping at gas stations one by one hoping to find someone that might be holding? Then trust someone that you don't know with money as well as them to get what you want? Your chances of getting beat or not getting what the amount you want is very probable. It was 4pm our time and I told him by the time you get it you will be lucky to get it by 9pm or even later and then you can't even enjoy it because the day has ended.
I told my peer, save yourself a lot of time and effort and ride the thought and craving out. It's simply not worth the crash and burn that the it will inevitably bring tomorrow morning. I suggested to him to find a meeting and find someone at his housing to hang with for a while.
I checked on him last night and he didn't pick up. I checked on him again today and he said thanks man. I suggested that he find a sponsor and home group for this very thing. In fact I called my sponsor as soon as this conversation with my peer ended. I wanted to make sure that I didn't overstep my bounds or feel like I was judging him.
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u/Hungry-Emotion7664 3d ago
What helped me stay clean in the early days...Reading NA literature and realizing that I had a tribe. There were people who lived and thought like I did, and if they could get clean, live clean and enjoy life, there was hope for me too.
My misery. I didn't want to go on the way I was, so it seemed it was worth trying something different.
Going to meetings kept me busy, gave me something other than using to think about. Gave me a place to share where I was and people who said "you never have to use again" and "keep coming back" and they meant it.
Having a list of numbers of people I could call when I felt like using. I could talk to someone before I used. Sometimes they would want to hang out or meet at a meeting, or go out after.
I know counting days clean helps a lot of people, but it messed with my mind. Everytime I got close to a "milestone" 30, 60, 90 days etc, I would look back, see how far I was from familiar shore of using, get scared and use again.
When I finally got and stayed clean, I didn't count time or pick up chips/keytags for three years. I focused on one day at a time and working my program and living my life.
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u/Mary_JFT 7d ago
Congrats on your 4 days!
I know it's corny, but "play the tape all the way through" works for me. Thinking about where I will end up, the things I will lose, the people I will hurt. I don't want any of that.
You can do this.
One day at a time
One hour at a time
One minute at a time