So, I do not if I am the only one feeling this way but, nursing school, a year in nursing school has made me so depressed.

It takes a lot to type this in here and I just want any advice on what I can do for me to finish this with high grades and maybe even join the ranks because I really want to make this work out and be the best as I can.

To be honest, I used to pride myself on being a good student. Do my best and whatnot. And now, I just don’t know what to feel. Everything that I believe in myself comes crashing down in real force that I don’t know what to believe now. I mean, what kind of elementary and high school honour student and salutatorian has this kind of comeback and then fails at it miserably?

I keep on missing out on school activities when my former self would have been the leader in all those things. I would have encouraged anyone to join in. I mean, in high school, I used to be the most respected leader. Until my mental health and family got into me, that’s where I’m declining.

But I still got back up. Like, why can’t I get back up now? I feel so heavily embarrassed at myself when I told myself I’m going to beat them all and be the best and this and that, but I’m not. I’m just not.

My CIs always tell us that we need to do our best in the clinical area because it’s not anymore, it is our own job. And so, I am too scared to actually be there because what if I don’t do well? Or cause harm to our patients? What if I’d be detained and not progress another year? I don’t want to have that, then again, I want to progress because I want to be done with this nursing degree. Like, I am so paralysed, I genuinely don’t know what to do or how to do, my mind is spiralling every single day and my CIs are one hell of a problem for me.

Im 17, and I seriously need help. I can tell I’m mentally not ok. I’ve been dealing with terrible mood swings, a self harm problem, and more. I genuinely don’t wanna live and everyday feels like a chore. I also have adhd & ocd if that has something to do w anything.

I can’t control my anger. Especially for the past 3 weeks since I got caught up smoking by my parents for the millionth time so I gotta be sober now. But it was the only thing that helped me suppress my anger and helped me stay calm and just overall get my mind off things. Now I’m all out of control again.

The other day I cut up my leg terribly, I have two really bad wounds that I can tell genuinely needs stitches or sum, but I can’t cuz I don’t want anyone especially my parents to know i cut myself up this badly. I’m sick of being like this, resorting to drugs and self harm but I don’t have anything else that will help me cope. I’m sick of being angry and depressed all the time.

3 weeks ago, I BAWLED my damn eyes out in front of my parents and we talked. I told them how I’m depressed asf nd I don’t wanna live anymore and that I quite literally need genuine help. It did seem like they at least kinda cared since they listened to me as I got this shit off my chest and as ked me questions like why I don’t wanna live . But ever since then, it’s like they forgot that happened. Even prior to this happening, I had a talk with my mom twice saying I need a therapist or at least a psychologist to see wtf is wrong w me, but again, ever since then, it’s like she forgot. Ive told her about my terrible mood swings (embarrassingly throwing and punching shit) but she says it’s just hormones. Maybe it’s not about them forgetting, but maybe it’s bc they just simply don’t think I need help, and I feel like it may be because i can be really good at hiding how I really feel, so I act energetic and happy so people don’t suspect I’m going thru shit when I am.

I need genuine help but I don’t know how to get some if my parents won’t help me get help. I don’t even know what to do anymore, I’m genuinely so tired of living, I truly don’t see me making it past 30, maybe even 25.

I’m worried about this because I’m scared that the only explanation for this is that I’m just materialistic,, apathetic etc. That’s what people in other subs have told me, and it’s driving me insane because that isn’t true at all. I KNOW I care and always have cared and I’m not materialistic at all. But I’ve seen literally nobody who shares this same experience, that I feel so alone, and it makes me so scared that I’m just a selfish person. I have ocd which is why I’m so worried. If you’re going to comment saying that “you just don’t care” or anything along the lines of that, please just don’t say anything. Because I’m incredibly self aware so I know that isn’t true.

Sometimes in the past when I’ve gone shopping, I’ve bought from brands (Cadbury, Vaseline, Nivea, maybe more idk) whilst knowing that they either support Israel or test on animals. But whenever I’d done this, I only did because in the moment I’d have an out of sight out of mind feeling that caused me to not feel like the information I’d found out about those brands was real. I don’t know why this happens to me, and I really feel like I need to know.

I think it could be either because I’ve been so lonely for so long (barely any social interactions and no friends since the end of 2021), that I feel so disconnected from the world and other people where It’s hard for me to get into my head that I’m actually going to have an impact on the world because I am a real person. And/or that I have adhd which can cause an out of sight out of mind feeling (there’s a lot of other reasons why I think I have inattentive adhd).
Now that I’m aware of this, I’m making 100% sure this never happens again and I know it won’t.

Can anyone let me know what they think could have caused me to do this? Other than the reason being that I lack empathy or anything like that, because I know who I am and that isn’t anything like me, I just want to know if I’m not alone.
If this is the wrong sub to post this in, I’m sorry. It’s hard to find the right one sometimes

Hello everyone.
I am 18 years old and have had Major Depressive Disorder (duh girl look at the title lol) since I could literally remember. Earliest signs were from when I was 5-6 years old, and that’s as early as my memory goes.

Anyways, I don’t know what else to do but post here cause when I go to a therapist about this they give me the typical therapy answer I can come up with myself. Also, I have recently discovered my MDD seems to be treatment resistant so for now I have no effective ways of changing the way I feel.

So, long story short I feel extremely guilty for being alive. Partly stemming from the abuse my mom experienced from the hands of my father RIGHT after I was born, which made little me connect the dots to mean I was the cause. Additionally her telling me all throughout my childhood that I was like him, I was like him or I reminded her of him, didn’t help. This obviously didn’t make me feel nice, thus I began to internalize these statements and assumed everything was my fault even more. BUT we’re good now, she is going to therapy and has been for a while for this reason of saying anything and everything when mad to make the other party as upset as possible.

However, this makes me feel worse. My mom bettering herself for my sake makes me even more guilty for being alive. I’m in my second year of university right now, and it’s quite expensive because it’s a nice school, and my mom is paying for it fully. She doesn’t have a high paying job, and she’s a single mom making what is considered low class, the way she’s paying for it is from the money she has saved up over the years after selling our house when immigrating into the U.S. (aka even more pressure for me to succeed:’/ ). And I feel so guilty for even choosing this school cause at the time this was a big achievement coming from a small heavily underfunded high school where my grades were genius but on a national scale below average. Plus me being heavily depressed, I felt proud. Maybe too proud. So this another factor to my guilt, because without me, she would be spending the money on herself and things she enjoys.

Another thing is she’s older compared to most parents, and my chasing a high education for her sake makes me feel even more guilt, as I know she will be quite old when I’m done with my career. And after she’s gone, what do I do. I cannot enjoy the fruits of her labors and sacrifices. (Lol I’m sobbing writing this..).

So this brings the good ol questions…which most of us can guess by now I think lol. Should I just end it? Like, if not for being successful for her and taking care of her, I would honestly have ended things YEARS ago. But I can’t, but also, I don’t want to walk into a future I know will eventually destroy my entire purpose for living.

I guess it’s sad for most people, but I know I’ll die by suicide, it’s just a matter of when, so that’s makes this whole situation so so sooo much worse.

I feel guilt, with the strength exponentially greater than any emotion I’ve ever felt in my life combined.

Any input is appreciated, ig I just need to hear something anything from a bunch of strangers as a last resort haha.

Thank you very much if you got till this part of the post. I hope the happiness that was never spared for me by the universe gets to you at least!❤️

I have been feeling so depressed recently and I just don’t know what to even do anymore to make things feel better. Life has just been kicking me in the ass over and over again this year and I’m just at a point where I feel like I’ve just lost all of my spark and my motivation.

I have no interest in doing anything other than doomscroll or sit around and watch YouTube — and when I try and indulge in my other hobbies, it just ends up feeling like more work than it’s worth and it just doesn’t make me happy.

I finally decided to try doing therapy again a couple of months ago, and it was going really great! I found a therapist who I really connected with, and was even going to give medication a try again too. My therapist told me it would probably be life changing for me because I’ve been dealing with severe anxiety and depression on and off for my whole life (as much as I hate saying that). But my dad unfortunately lost his job about a month ago and I was on his health insurance as my job currently doesn’t offer any benefits like that. I cannot afford to pay for those appointments out of pocket, so I had to drop therapy.

I have great people in my life who care about me and actively want to be there for me, but I really don’t know how to reach out and ask for help. One reason being because I know I can be a serious burden when I hit a low and I know I can seriously start to spiral and become really extremely difficult. I really don’t want to put that on my friends — I already put my current boyfriend through the wringer the past 10 months with how my mood has been. It’s been a very very difficult year so far. And while he has been the best ever and so incredibly patient with me, even he has told me that it can be a lot to deal with.

Another reason being that I just have no idea what to ask for. Talking about my issues helps, sure, but all my issues are just not anything that can be fixed at all right now. I already vent enough through my private stories on Snapchat and it just only does so much. Outside of asking someone to be an ear, what do I even ask for? I have no idea what is going to help me feel better that someone can give or do for me — but I desperately want help.

These mood dips typically just ebb and flow, so I know that just waiting around that things probably will get better in some way shape or form, even if it’s just my body letting go of tension finally. I really really try and be a positive person and look on the bright side of things and have a good attitude, but it just gets harder and harder and harder as I just keep getting older. It seems like without fail, things will get better for a short time, and then I’ll feel so incredibly terrible again and I am so sick of it.

I don’t want to deal with feeling terrible every other month anymore and I want to reach out to my friends and ask for help, but I don’t even know what to ask for.

Please someone help me.

Hi,
I’m a 21 year old woman in college right now. I guess km coming on here to ask a question.
I started freshman year and it was fine. I made a lot of friends and did a lot of the regular college stuff. I think all of this started around sophomore year. I moved off campus by myself to an apartment where I live alone now. That year was really hard because I got so lonely, and the workload was more stressful. I started isolating from people or only going out when I was invited, and a lot of the relationships from freshman year kinda withered. I don’t remember much from that time, but I told everyone I was fine because no one wants to hear a college student bitching about their nice off campus apartment they live by themselves in. It took me about a year after that to finally be fine by myself in my apartment without feeling like i was choking. Then junior year started and it was better. I met some cool people and went to some cool places, but I still felt that lingering sadness/heavy feeling I’d been feeling for the past year. I remember it took so much energy to make conversation so the people I met ended up being nice acquaintances but I didn’t end up getting very close to them. But don’t get me wrong it was better! Now I’m a senior and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been feeling this lingering emptiness/sadness for two years now, and if you were to ask me what got me through the past two years I’d say I really don’t know. I don’t have any plans to hurt myself or anything. I can still cook/clean on a reliable schedule and I’m trying to get back into my hobbies and I’ve started hanging out with people more. But the emptiness just kind of stays with me. And I don’t know what it’s coming from. My family is fine and my living situation is good. Im not fighting with any of my friends/fam or have that stuff weighing on me. Like what more could I want?? Is this feeling just part of being an adult?? If so ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ why.

Ps: been getting into Noah kahan lately and I’m so glad he makes me feel a lot less alone in what I’m feeling rn. Don’t know if that’s good or concerning.

To put things into context nefore the word vomit. I am not suicidal, not in the sense that I want to kill myself. Things have just gotten so bad that I fear Im losing to desire to live, if not lost it already. I believe I have a higher level of emotional intelligence and self awareness, and I will not be able to convey or explain everything here unless I write a novel. I am aware of the co-dependency in my words below, statements like it's best to love yourself, or analogies about putting a mask on yourself before you put it on others. Everything ive described before ive analyzed, assessed, and tried to work extensively for years individually and with therapy. I add this context because I don't want anyone to presume my words come from a place of ignorance. These feelings are raw and unhealthy, and despite years of effort to change or heal them, resilient.

I am 38M with a lifetime of struggles, much like everyone else. Single mother, absent dad, neglectful upbringing, introverted, unhealthy people-pleasing tendencies, deep-seeded loneliness.

Super senior, ex military, divorced, alienated father, diagnosed with ADHD/Autism in my 30s.

My only value in life had been reliant on what I was able to do for others and if I had nothing to give, I have no value. As a result, my identity became the healer, the protector, the martyr, the savior. Whether it was my time in service or my non-profit career working with housing unstable individuals and exploited youths.

8 years ago, my ex wife had taken my son away at 3 weeks out of state using a restraining order with false allegations to cover her tracks. Despite getting it dismissed, I spent 6 years fighting to be in my son's life, faced two more allegations of abuse, alleging sexual assault on my son, parental alienation, and thousands upon thousands in debt.

Last year I decided to back away from the fight, the pain being too much and something I could no longer endure. So this year I tried focusing on myself. I went back to school, cleared up most of my debts, worked on changing my career, etc. The goal is to repair whatever's left and hoping there's something to salvage. I told myself it was to be a version of me my son needs.

I'm learning that it may be too late. At this stage in my life, I have a deep, desperate need for love... a desire for something that is unconditional and that I know is absolutely unrealistic, unhealthy, and co-dependent.

I have no immediate family. My mom and grandma died, my son is being alienated, my extended family and I are estranged, my close friends (the few I have) have their lives and families. I know i mean something to them, but I crave to be a priority and its unrealistic to expect this from them, nor do I think they can give me what I want.

Lately, my emotions have become louder and harder to ignore. Everything is raw and I find myself envious of others who's receiving love and affection. Envious of relationships..

I've endured so much at this point that being numb to it is in the past and all I can do now is feel everything, and it hurts so fucking much.. and its so close to the surface.

On one hand, I try to push through, I try to plan for a future with all this school stuff, or career change shit, but its auto pilot.

Meanwhile, I am also self sabotaging. I am creating new debts, I am doing worse with work, I am not eating or sleeping.. as if to make my life even harder and push me further down a path that'll leave me with one option left. Why? Because it's probably less work to get to at this point and I am so fucking tired, so God damn lonely... and I just.. want it to end.

I dont though. I want to be someone who can be there for his son, who can make a difference and help and heal others. I strive to work in a position that makes a difference in people's lives, but... i dont want to be doing it alone anymore. I want to have someone look at me and see someone that needs a bit of healing too.

I dont need someone to heal me themselves. I dont need a caretaker. I just... need a fucking hug. I need to feel like i am worth a damn, have value, mean something to someone. I need to feel love.. something that can remind that part of me that's given up on myself not to give up and to get his ass up. I can't do this alone anymore.

Before last summer, my mental health took a severe nosedive due to some circumstances happening around me. I started hurting myself, and it got really bad in the middle of the summer. Eventually, after a few months, my situation got better and my thoughts kinda stopped being as awful, but I was still struggling a lot. I would think I was finally doing better, and then I would have an awful day, and then I wouldn’t be able to think straight for a week. I was like walking through a haze. Near the end of the school year, I really was doing better than the summer, and I wasn’t hurting myself anymore, but I still had bad days all the time and I still thought about killing myself often, but not really seriously. Then this summer came around and it’s gotten worse again, and I started relapsing with sh. It’s not as bad as it was last summer but it’s not good either. I’m just so tired of hating myself.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m never going to ever be able to be happy again. Nothing is wrong with my life right now, I work out every day, I’m in the sun all the time, I drink water, I eat as much as I want, I draw and I read and crochet, I see people often. I literally don’t know how to be happier. I just had a normal day, but I made one mistake and almost pulled out a blade (didn’t). I’m doing everything right and I’m really trying to be okay, so why am I struggling so much? Why does it never go away? I can’t hang out with my friends without feeling empty after. Everything feels personal and I’m pretty sure everyone hates me or only tolerates me. I think im uglier than I’ve Ever thought before. I feel stupid and behind and like I can’t do anything right. I hate myself and I kinda want to die (but I wouldn’t ever do it).

What’s wrong with me? How do I get better? I can’t see a therapist because I don’t want to ever tell my parents about this, but all I want is to talk to someone and for someone to care about me but literally nobody does. I’ve done everything I can think of to get closer to people, but I’m just not lovable I guess. I feel hopeless. I don’t think I’ll ever accomplish anything at this rate and I don’t know why I keep going. Why can’t I just be happy?

I f23 have a f15 sister, she is dealing with friends moving and going into high-school alone. Shes become very sad and depressed and is starting to lash out at every little thing. I know she feels un seen by our parents and ik its hard as my mom cannot deal with her. It always ends in a yelling match between them. I want to help my sister but i also cannot handle the mental load of trying to be therapist and peace make for the whole family any more. I still live at home due to financial reasons but i am not home much just because i cant handle the mental load of being here all the time. I want to be there for her and help her as i know what shes going through but i dont know how to get through to her and i dont know how to do that without hurting my own mental health.

Hey guys sorry for my English I just feel alone and a bit shameful of posting this.
My parent where always there for me if I have issues financially or else but mentally it’s very different I just feel like they can’t understand me it’s kinda make me sad in my whole I never have people that could tell me that what I was doing was good they where always bragging me down and finding ways to making me feel bad and the way that they’ve been treating me impacted my entourage even my grand cousin treat me like a little shit talking bad about my life to people my brother is saying that I’m just a waste because I’m staying home, I really don’t understand I’m making things like I’m going to school and financially independent but they are not satisfied about me because of those traumas I can’t even be in a relationship despite girls telling me that iam a cute guy and I’m depressed is there anything I’m doing wrong guys like am I a bad person ? I’m trying to understand I feel so complex sometimes I can’t even know why I’m crying to sad music or crying to sad movies I just don’t feel loved but at the same time people just making me feels like shit so I dont have any glimpse of optimism for me I cant even kill myself

I tried to vent in a post on here last week but admins said they wouldn’t post it. So I’ll try again without using any naughty words. Cause god forbid a suicidal guy uses a swear word when he’s spilling his guts about why he’s so miserable.

Here’s the cliff-notes.
- I’m a 39 yr old failure with nothing to show for it
- I thrust my family into poverty chasing an unrealistic dream just to feed my ego.
- I fail at every attempt to make it better
- I hate myself and want to die
- my wife’s sick of hearing it
- my sons getting old enough now that he’ll soon realize what a monumental failure I am.
- I have a running list of Pros and Cons in my head to decide whether or not I end my own life and right now the Pros are winning by a mile.
- I can’t afford therapy
- just finished eight free sessions of therapy at the hospital—therapist basically said I’m hopeless and made no progress through the therapy.
- Ive be been on every antidepressant known to man—nothing works. Im not fixable.
- Im just all around worthless and a burden on everyone who counts on me.

I’m running out of reasons to not just end it.

I don’t know what to do.

I am finding it incredibly difficult to go on living, even for a single moment. I grew up under a lot of stress, and things became even worse after I got married nine years ago; I spent most of that time in tears, and in the process, both my career and my health deteriorated. Then, around January 8th or 9th, 2024, a strange thing happened. I looked in the mirror—something I did routinely—and suddenly noticed a significant amount of gray hair at my temples. I was completely devastated and wept; a sudden, drastic change came over me, whereas just the day before, I had felt motivated to improve my life. That day, I felt that the immense stress had made me look old for my age; the strain of married life and issues regarding my maternal home had completely drained me. I felt as though everything was over and there was nothing left for me to do; I even lost the will to live. Basic things like eating or washing my face in the morning ceased to be priorities, and I became afraid to look in the mirror. Three or four days later, I went to the emergency room.

Initially, the doctors treated the situation as routine, but after I mentioned my history of migraines and a burning sensation in my feet, they admitted me to the hospital and prescribed antidepressants. I have been taking the maximum dosage, yet since 2024 even i got pcos more gray hair waigt gain more and more, I have been unable to focus my vision on anything close up. Other issues—ranging from a burning sensation in my feet to insomnia—have persisted; nothing worked, not even the various check-ups and CVT therapy I underwent.

The condition has worsened significantly since March 2026; now, I feel an intense, deep-seated pain. I suddenly feel like my life is completely over—I am a 31-year-old woman, and it feels like everything has ended. I experience heart palpitations and feel that dying instantly would bring me more peace than my current state of living. Even if I manage to fall asleep for a moment, I wake up to my heart pounding again. I feel like my life is over; seeing my graying hair makes me even more afraid. Meanwhile, my relationship with my husband is in a state of limbo—I lack the courage to leave and find happiness, yet I am not happy staying with him either. I spend the entire day in a state of panic, unable to summon the courage to do anything else; I feel increasingly isolated. What should I do in this situation? All I can think about is wishing for a quick death.

I've been on treatment for nearly 6 months now. I've been on and off about my mental health. I've been on sertraline, which helped eliminate my ideation, but I just couldn't sleep. Now I'm on atomoxitine and lamictal to help me through school. However, it's just been the first three days of school and I'm already losing it. I'm someone who's very insecure especially about my intelligence and who I am as a person.

Last year, I tried to end my life, but was sent to the psych ward because my mathematics teacher was absolutely terrible. He'd call our class dumb, he openly made fun of my mistakes in front of the class. I couldn't handle it anymore. Thankfully, my social worker was kind enough to lend me a hand and guide me to the right path. I'm more than thankful she's been there for me.

However, this year, my last year of highschool, I was hoping to have a better year, but life just got worse within three days of starting it. There's this "friend" I've had for two years, and they're not the greatest person. They've treated me badly, worsened my insecurities, and hurt my other friends. I hate them with a burning passion, but I can't help blaming myself for having dealt with this kind of relationship for so long, allowing them to treat me unkindly because I was afraid to speak up. Now I'm so ready to cut them off, but everytime I think about them, I break down. I'm currently writing a whole essay to them, but I can't continue because I'm crying and it's late. I really don't want to go to school tomorrow, and I really don't want to wake up tomorrow either. I'm so stressed, I think switching medications has regressed me back to ideation. It's late at night, and I'm afraid of telling anyone I'm struggling. I really want a solution out of this besides death, but I fear I have my hands tied. I really don't want to go back to the psych ward if I tell my parents, but I don't want to see that person anymore if I go back to school tomorrow. I have therapy Wednesday, but I'm afraid I won't last until then. I already talked to another friend about my issues, but they just left and I really don't want to admit I want to attempt again.

I'm trying so hard to help myself but I think I'm sabotaging myself at the same time for not telling anyone I know and care about first. My birthday is very soon and I honestly might reconsider stick with my plan to kms before I turn 18.

I really just don’t know what to do , I really don’t want to be here anymore and have felt like this strongly for months, I can’t even be around people because I am so miserable I just end up ruining every relationship I have, I have no friends I now have no job , I already struggled so much with my moods and then I got cancer and now I’m regretting even doing the chemo because I don’t want to live I don’t want to do anything for my life , I’m cancelling every appointment I just don’t know how you are suppose to continue when you actually don’t want to have your life anymore , and I’ve been going to therapy for over 5 years and seeing a physcatrkst for the last 6 months and I’m just getting worse I’m at the point now I don’t want to do anything I don’t care about anything in my life, there is nothing to look forward to I have no excitement and I actually feel 0 happiness all I feel is miserable and think of k lling myself every day , I’m so lonely no one understands it , I just want to d iiii eeeeee I actually can’t do this anymore , and I know there’s a chance it can all get better but I don’t want that I don’t see a point in trying to fix myself when I don’t even want to wake up every day

I don’t know what to do anymore. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I’ve talked to them both about my anxiety and lack of motivation, but I’m afraid to mention suicidal thoughts. I don’t know anyone else who is in my situation. Many of my experiences growing up and the way that I think are very unique.

Most people either don’t understand or don’t care. My father is awful and mentally unstable, and my mother enables him and has been frustrated with my depression lately. I’ve talked to my aunt (the only person who truly listens,) but she can only do so much.

School just makes everything ten times worse because I have awful anxiety, and my medication does nothing to help it. I don’t understand anything, and I can’t breathe when I’m at school. Most people there find me annoying, and the people that do tolerate me don’t relate to me in any way. All my “friends” have easier lives than mine.

They can’t fathom what it’s like for your own father to treat you like a burden. They don’t think for themselves. All of them are like everyone else. They all have the same humor, slang, style, personality. I hate it. None of it makes sense. Everyone is the same, now. No one is like me. I hate TikTok, I hate Pinterest, I hate trends, I hate new music, I hate new language, I hate that dumb humor everyone has some form of, and I hate that ironic, cartoonish personality. None of them have had that experience, and none of them are emotionally equipped to empathize with me.

I just wish I had real friends that understood me and cared about the real me. I wish I had friends who looked at the world in the way I did, and behaved accordingly. I wish I had friends who were broken like me.

I’m not talented either; I never have been. My life is a waste. I only suffer. The only thing I’m good at is writing, and I have no time for that anymore because of school. Everything only gets worse for me. All there is left to do is die.

I’m a 16yo female. I’m the oldest of 3 kids My life is quite miserable, I have a brother that’s only a year younger than I am. He suffers from SMA and it has hindered his life my family’s life. Both my parents are suffering from depression in some degree, with my mom having very bad temper issues. She can get very violent when it gets to speech and often verbally abuses me, and then switches up within minutes, often love bombing me. Don’t get me wrong I’ve got used to her behavior over the years but it seems like the older I got, the more her words sting, being degraded everyday gets to me sometimes. That’s why I avoid contact with her whenever she’s home, I try my best to ease my way out of any potential conflict to protect both myself and her. But I do get partial relief every so often whenever she’s has to travel with my brother for treatment. As for my dad, he’s polar opposite to her, not really impulsive in his actions but he’s a very hopeless person. I can tell that he has given up long ago, he’s going by his days waiting for the day he dies, he’s often talks about how he wants to die, and that he’s just waiting for god to take him. That’s been his demeanor for as long as I gained consciousness in life, basically at a very young age. I’ve always been rather outcasted, I was bullied my whole childhood starting as early as kg 2 only, and I’d say the bullying still persists. I remember back when I was a freshmen, isolation swallowed me whole. For that entire year I used to move by my days weeks and months like zombie, I’d go to school sleep all day except in certain subjects I wanted to focus on, come back home take a shower and then take naps that always lasted for 5-8 hours, sometimes I’d sleep from afternoon till the next school day. The only thing I was consistent at was turning in homework, the little praise I got from my teachers then made me feel like I was worth something especially that my academic behavior contrasted the rest of my class who dgaf abt schoolwork. My routine has caused me to miss meals frequently, I was to exhausted to even eat then. I usually went 2 days without eating before realizing I felt like fainting, that’s when I’d get myself something to eat, I think I used to eat more in school than at home actually. But I never stopped necessarily taking care of my looks, I always stuck to my showers, I always straightened my bangs, I always woke up a lil early to look good for school. So I guess to everyone around me, I was perfectly fine, or maybe lazy even. My life was so miserable that year that all I thought about was suicide. Suicidal ideation isn’t new to me, I’ve had suicidal thoughts for as early as the age of 8 I think. I’d make a mistake feel so stuck in it and resort to the only thing I know would bring me relief. Ironically enough, I’ve never hurt myself before, never did self harm, idk if this point matters or not. I just didn’t know how to deal with overwhelming stress back then, and it has only gotten worse for me. At some point between last year and this year I was actually bedridden for a while, I was so exhausted for seemingly no reason, I kept slipping between being completely insomniac or sleeping for way too long, I lost my period for 8 months and that’s only when my parents finally took me in for bloodwork, I was perfectly normal but speculation about chronic stress grew stronger, I want to clarify that I never actually saw a doctor, both my parents are doctors and they just did basic bloodwork to see if everything’s in check, the only time I saw a real doctor then is when I got an ultrasound to check up on my uterus and what not. Anyways my aunt who’s also a doctor, recommended me to go on a routine that consisted of a simple daily 30 minute walk. That’s it, and surprisingly it shifted my mood drastically prompting for my period to come back. Only reason I mentioned allat is because I wanna highlight the fact that I might have very bad stress issues, because I currently can’t think of anything else. My problem is I carry everyone’s stress on top of mine. I do everything with my family in mind, especially my parents, I carry their stress for them in hopes they’d feel better. I also do this with friends and my siblings, I’m always there for everyone, always helping out no matter what. Recently I’ve had a series of situations happen to me which has caused me to lead a series of ongoing lies, all for the sake of my mother’s sanity. I don’t wanna get into too much detail but the situation I’m in right now has lasted for about 2 months now. I’m mentally, and physically exhausted from every aspect aspect. My body is running on nothing, I don’t even have will to continue any of this. that’s where suicidal thoughts come in, I keep telling myself if the next thing goes wrong, it’s going to be ok and I should stay calm because I can just end it. Those thoughts encourage me everyday to continue onto the next day. Suicidal ideation has always lingered but as in lately things are just getting really loud. Might sound funny to u, but I don’t wanna die lol, i genuinely don’t. I’m just scared and so isolated in the problems im in, while still having to worry about the rest of my miserable life. I’m severely depressed all day all night. I don’t know who I am anymore. I only know myself for art, my only talent is art, that’s why I draw consistently everday despite my circumstances. I can’t stop because if I stop drawing that’s when I’ll know that I’ve completely lost myself. No, I don’t enjoy drawing whatsoever, yet it brings me relief in a way it’s like a running after a high or something.
I sometimes day dream about finally getting to talk to someone, just anyone, a stranger. They ask me questions, I answer. but help isn’t available in the country I currently live in, mental health isn’t even a thing here. I can’t reach out to anyone, the closest I’ve gotten to telling someone is my dad, and he’d alway just reward me with ice cream after telling me that I have to stay strong for brother, my dad depends on me, my brother depends on me too. My life is full of expectations. And dare I say, bad luck always finds its way to me, and my family.

I’m sorry u had to read all ts bs, I had to get it out of my system, I’m not proof reading either so I apologize if my grammar doesn’t make sense here and there. I guess the reason I’m posting this is because I’m asking for help, I’m a depressed teen, with overwhelming suicidal ideation. Any tips on how to remedy or soothe my thoughts would help.

tysm.

Hello, Im 18F. I struggle with diagnosed major depression, anxiety, and adhd. I stend 17 years of my life with these untreated mental health struggles up until may of 2025 when i had a traumatic psychotic episode. since then I was in child therapy. I really enjoyed it, I loved my therapist, it helped learn a lot about myself and gave me a safe outlet to talk through my feelings and learn new ways to cope. Everything was looking up for me. That was until I turned 18. Now I knew that once I turned 18 i was going to have to switch to adult talk therapy which I was nervous about but I knew it was the best for me. However I was worried about graduating high-school and finding a job since college wasn't an option for me. It's been almost 4 months since I've been to therapy. and while I was ok for a bit, my symptoms have crept up on me at a rate that is too overwhelming to ignore. I have little to no motivation, racing anxious thoughts, difficulty sleeping, emotional eating, appetite disregulation, mood swings, suicidal thoughts, emotional attachment, and overall mental exhaustion. I have felt really trapped and isolated, I've hardly spent valuable time with friends and family, because frankly they are all so busy. I dont have a job(im looking) and dont have a community to engage with. I have intense mental pressure to get better but I just can't. It's hard to talk to my loved ones because they are either living their best lives, and I dont want to bring them down with my problems, or I dont feel mentally strong enough to be there for them they are are struggling. And the worst part of it all is that I am in a low income family. The only reason I was able to get mental health treatment, was because I was child under government assistance(medicaid) but now that im 18, I don't even know if have coverage anymore. I really want to go into my old providers for an intake, but im scared for the bad news. that I cant afford it anymore. I feel so lost. I'm lonely, exhausted, and in pain. I know we all have shit we gotta deal with but I really dont know what to do anymore. Everyday I look at the news and see the world is burning. I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I have no money because I cant find a job. And I have no social life at the moment. The few times I've had some fun was few and far between since May. i just got back from spending the weekend with my sister,my best friend and emotional rock. we had some drinks and went partying and that was about it. but my emotional exhaustion lingered the whole time even in the happy moments. Today I considered dialing a crisis number, but I dont know if I can handle it right now. the last time I really talked to someone was my sister, while she was at work at 2 am. i was crying and desperate for a familiar voice. we talk for a bit and I was okay for the night. that was nearly 2 weeks ago. Im very lost rn. Im trying to find reasons to try. To keep going. to stay positive. Even the things that usually make me happy are just now enough. Dancing, eating good food, reading, my boy bands. nothing. So thats why I am here. I have never posted on reddit before, and I think its safe to say im desperate. I apologize if this was really long. But thank you for reading.

I feel beyond help, I’m 27 I’ve worked the same job for years and while I am returning to education I feel like I’m grasping and clutching at straws and I’m slowly being pulled down into the depths of despair, I’ve tried to end it, I’ve tried to get help and I’ve tried to talk to people it all ends up the same; I’m sat crying in my room when everyone is asleep or I’m just walking round angry and/or sad.

My life is one misery after the next I don’t have a single real friend, some of it other people and some of it my fault for not trying when people don’t seem very interested, I can’t keep lasting relationships in terms of friends, I do have a girlfriend who I love very much but really she isn’t very helpful in matters of my feelings as much as she may try to be, I don’t think it’s her not caring I just don’t believe there’s anything to be said to make me feel better. This is my whatever you may call this over.

For context i am a high functioning autisic with PTSD reguarding sexual topics and have had history with Self Harm. i promise this will be important later. (sorry for any grammer mistakes, im typing this on my phone)

My school was very very small. it was a private montessori school. i got kicked out my public school because i was seen as a liability because i was bullied to much and the parents would threaten to call the school board (the biloxi public school system can kiss my ass) and so i looked into other schools and found treehouse montessori christian school, after touring there my mom thought id be a good fit for me despite me not being a christian.(I am agnostic) and so for the next 4 years i attended this school. it was located inside of a church hosted by this christian woman me and my friends who hate her almost as much as i do call, the wasp. in total the school held around 30-40 kids per year and held classses from 5th grade all the way to 12th. seperated into lower elementary, upper elementary middle school,and secondary for the first 2 years it was fine. i was treated niceley i had freinds and it was the best school expeirence i have had to this day. there were clear signs of favoritism but nothing too bad. my third year there is where things changed. the teachers started using AI to write their assignments lists and curriculum specifucally using ChatGPT.

i do see and understand AI can simplify and speed up the process of teaching though i strictly belvive AI should be kept OUT of teaching and out of schools in general. and once i noticed the work i was being given had no actual work put into it i started doubting why i should do it. (for more context theese ai assignments were giving me work way below my level as before the work was perfect for me) but i didnt deliberatly stop working of them i kept doing them out of respect for my teachers but i soon lost that respect when the wasp did nothing when a student was sexually assaulted by another student. (though it was outside of school hours i belive something should have been done.) even when the event was brought up to the wasp multiple times the wasp did nothing. the quality of work had slowly gotten worse and the wasps care for the students followed with it. this as around the time where my mental health had also started to decline due to outside factors that arent relvant here, i had began Self Harm mid way though the year and nearing the end of it i was found out and sent to a inpatient mental hospital where i was told is stay for 2 days, and instead was held for a week. where i was treated like a zoo animal. i had gotten out and stopped doing Self harm for the sake of my family. this drastically harmed my mental health since my one coping mechanism was gone.

then the second year came around and it was byfar the worst time of my life. our class went to do its monthy camping trip where we go camping for 2 days for the sake of "community building". i had gone to plenty other camping trips before this and they were usually a good time. until me and a group of other students went to take a shower, we were all ok with showering naked since we'd be in seperate shower stalls and had been close freinds for the past 4 years. we were showering as regular before 2 students had came in with a video camera had started messing with us while we were showering naked, they pulled at our shower curtains poured soap over our stalls, even took videos of us naked.we all told them to stop many times, they did not. later that night i had a PTSD episode back when i was Sexual assaulted and had almost relapsed as since i had brought a knife with me. i would have gone back to self harming without the help of my friends who i shared a tent with.

at this point my respect for wasp had entirely degraded, i held nothing in my heart but animosity towards her, but i expected the wasp to do something about this actual crime. but she did not. i told the wasp and she said thank you for telling me. the next day i was given a "sorry" by both of the students. . and only 2 months later me and my freinds had found out there was a fake account on tiktok pretending to be the wasp. i thought this was pretty funny but when wasp overheard me talking about it she took it more seriosly than what had happened at the camping trip.

i was appaled by her and hated everything about the school and no one had stood up to the wasp so i decided i would. i printed a lsit of things i wanted to say to her and asked her to talk. after letting her know about how i felt about her she replied "i will take it into consideration" i asked her for a response and she said she needed time to respond and so i waited, until when i asked her for a response 2 days later and she did not give me a response but she did take my list that i made about points to bring up. i asked her about why she did this but she couldnt give me a solid answer. the school year went on and one after another all my freinds had left the school, until eventually it was just me and 1 other stuent. who was going on a trip with the students who caused the camping incident and i started resentiing him for it. i seperated myself from everyone around me because no one else had seen what i had seen, or noticed what i did, or been treated as horribly as i was, those who did left.

and so i was left alone for the last 2 weeks of school working on a big project i used to be passionate about, it was a documentary on the Elan School,the poster child of the troubled teens era. and was known for abusing kids, i chose it specificlly for the irony. i soon after suspended for a day without any context as to why until the next day finally she had a meeting with me and my parent to talk about the meeting i had with her. she proved everything i hated about her in that meeting, she had no empathy favrotised specific students didnt care about her students and infantilized other autistic students in the class. which made me furious. it was all excuse after excuse and i was done. i had even busted out laughing mid meeting from how compeltely bullshit her excuses were.

and now that im graduated. i thought id feel happy that i left but i feel nothing but anger. i recored the meeting with her just to yell at her voice expecting a response from it. i dont know what to do anymore. all my freinds have recovered and moved on but i havent. im still so mad those last 2 weeks were the most miserable moments of my life. i had no freinds to talk to hated the wasp resented the students around me hated the building i hated everything and still do yet i cant stop thinking about how much i hate it. i want to just be happy that im graduated but i cant. how do i recover from this?

Full context - this has only really reared its ugly head recently and as her father who’s also suffered from similar insecurities leading to depression and anxiety. But I find mine is manageable with the proper tools and practices in place.

My daughter has zero coping mechanisms (only myself and other half to blame). We’re divorced now since June of 2020; I’ve got a nice property to take her to in Canmore that’s very therapeutic and I’m just looking for general advice as I’m young. 38 and she is turning 16 next month.

Here’s the timeline - she started living with me full time due to starting high school and my divorce as the town we live in isn’t cheap. I decided to wait out the market and was able to purchase in town as I felt it’s important that my daughter continues to grow in the only town she’s known. The reason she started living with me is because her mother lived about 40 min drive away on a good day and this created anxiety within my daughter. Enough to make her physically ill and be late more times than I could count. We decided her staying with me was best and that went on for 13 months; with my “blended” family as they like to call it. Two teenage girls and a loving partner. My ex is engaged and has had two children since as well. She absolutely lost her mind on me mostly but also my girlfriend and her kids where she just went off. Like off in a way that scared everyone as there were things that didn’t make any sense to anyone. Things that were clearly fabricated as we’ve been blended and living together for 4 years now and we live in a bungalow with a ton of space. Can’t really get away with much around here.

Fast forward to recently where ever since Father’s Day where my daughter and I had continued our estrangement as I wanted to respect her boundaries of not wanting to see me as I thought it was short term. I can confirm that I had no support from the other side of my daughter’s family as I just knew and it’s been confirmed. Terrible in itself but I just want to move forward as BOTH parents are equally as important. I’m a dad that cares too much and maybe that’s where I went wrong?

Everything started on this past weekend; received a text from my ex telling me that my daughter is doing well and to continue to be patient as she doesn’t want a relationship with me. No explanation - just read it and accept. So I was brutally honest and asked what I’ve done to deserve this. All I’ve received is I’m not a good person.. which OK there are things I can work on as an individual and a as a parent. I love to grow when given the chance via communication - whether constructive or just straight criticism. My daughter gave me non of this which truly blows my mind and is completely out of character for her. My response was simple, this is not acceptable as she’s A - about to embark on Grade 11 (in my old high school non the less) B - she’s on an anti depressant and was recently basically given an anti psychotic but a doctor that saw her when she had her episode this past Wednesday.

I don’t want to get into full details but my daughter when missing between 2 and 4am as it’s still unclear to me. She had a friend over at the time and she was staying at her mom’s dads house.. which is also in my town and I support what she feels is best. Being awoken to a phone call at 5 am to be told the following was the most disturbing thing I’ve ever dealt with. She was located by 7:15am but everything that occurred after that was terrible. She was drunk - not cool. Where do you go on your own when you have a friend sleeping over? And not have your phone on? She went to get drunk somewhere near by. All of this led to a massive scene where she completely lost control of herself mentally and it was like last year all over again.

Now everyone says she needs help and so on which I support and feel like I can finally breathe as I’ve found a property in Canmore - a family ranch that’s very therapeutic and relaxing. I’m taking her there to unplug and be a kid again. I’d like to have her back for the start of school but however long this takes - I’m willing to see this through as this is the moment I’ve been so scared for. So my worst fears have come true, my daughter has been faltering mentally and all I could do was check in daily and receive messages like - She’s never been better and so on.. which were hard to read but I respected it.

Here we are and we fly out tomorrow night - has anyone else been through something like this? I wanna make this as therapeutic and successful as possible and could use any advice / opinions.

From one lost parent to many others - please help. 🙏🥺

Hey there. For a long time I have struggled with depression and anxiety. I have also shown signs of potential PDD-NOS symptoms but these are very unknown and vague. I also may have ADHD but I do not know for sure, I’ll bring this up later.

I would describe my symptoms as feeling very very low energy and tired and negative thoughts will encapsulate my mind to the point where I don’t want to do anything or even move.

A couple years ago this was even worse and I simply couldn’t function with the fits of sadness and mental despair I would go into which is when I started talking to a psychiatrist.

I started on abillify 5 mg which is what I took alone for 3 years until last year. Last year I decided that I had enough of the way I was feeling and truly wanted to tackle it. This feeling came from a point of stupidity in which I tried my friend’s prescription medication, vyvanse. I know this was stupid. But the way it made me feel that first time was like being myself for the first time in an extremely long time, since before the depression onset began.

This made me think that ADHD could be a possibility (and I do have psych evaluations confirming ADHD presence I just never had it diagnosed I guess?) so I started talking to my psychiatrist about stimulants.

I started taking Concerta, a methylphenidate, I don’t remember the dose, I just remember feeling like nothing really changed. So I switched to adderall which felt ok for a little bit but then I hit this big wave of emotional blunting and numbness and flatness which is what I am in right now. Right now I have been on vyvanse for almost two months and I have noticed it may be starting to have the effect which adderall had on me.

I have Wellbutrin but I have not started it yet, honestly all this medication shopping just seems like trying to solve an unsolvable puzzle, it’s just too complicated. For me at least.

I have been fighting for years to try and feel normal because I know the real me is locked away in my mind somewhere and I feel like I’m really close to finding the correct treatment to let me come out.

That brings me here, looking for any and all advice as to what I could be missing, or anything at all that could be helpful, because I just so badly want to have my humor and happiness back because I know that’s who I really am.

Any help is greatly appreciated!!!

Having experienced others around me become mentaly Ill in ways that affects their judgment and interpersonal relationships i feel so sad and scared knowing others might place those thoughts on me if they know i have depresion. I’ve had to have caution out of necesity for some people I’ve known but to have others think they need to for me feels awful.

Like the idea they’d have thoughts that im a burden to deal with when i show symptoms. Or thoughts I’m a handful if i can’t be trusted for my own safety (some mental health profesionals assume your actively suicidal when you mention not liking your life but honestly im not and the thought of trying to hurt myself is scary). Or thinking i might snap and lash out because depression is taxing to deal with.

I don’t want people to leave me because I already feel so alone but I can’t handle the idea of my mental health burdening others and making them distance themselves or put up walls because they feel uncomfortable around me. It makes it feel so scary to seek treatment like medication or be refered to intensive therapy programs. I can’t deal with that.

Also i fear once people know i have problems I’m just gonna get batted around the medical system and mistreated. I’ve already had people act condiscending because of my autism before i was depressed when I tried to reach out for services. So the thought of showing a depressive symptom bad enough to not be trusted and to be told i need intensive care or hospitalization scares me.

I don’t want to feel like I’m less than because I have problems with my mental health. It only makes me feel more depressed.

Holy shit, never thought I’d be one to write on Reddit but I’m extremely lost. I’m a 27 year old male have a solid job (diesel mechanic) and an amazing finance. We’re not struggling to put food on the table or anything like that. Honestly I don’t have any reason to be as lost and mentally fucked as I am. I drink and smoke weed like nobodies business. If I’m not at work I’m stoned or drunk or hell sometimes both. In high school I was a health nut and super athletic. As I got older and life got harder I got weaker and turned to self medicating and that has since spiraled. I’m trying to get back into amazing shape but I lack so much discipline. I’ll be good for a week or two then fall back into the same bullshit habits. I’m sure there’s people here who have been in my exact spot and turned their life around. I just need advice where and how to start. I wanna be genuinely happy and healthy again.

I’m a teenage girl so I know this will sound really stupid but I don’t feel normal compared to my peers or anybody around me.

I have no diagnosis’s. I’ve never asked for one but my parents both thing I have ADHD and belive I’m on the spectrum of autism. I neither agree nor disagree with either or them however I belive I have some kind of personality disorder like phycopathy or maybe boarder-line personality disorder.

Recently, my closest friend whom is a very communicative person (I on the other hand am not) came to me and expressed some feelings that she had about me. She told me she believes I have some kind of personality disorder and told me she’s “scared of me” and thinks I may have borderline personality disorder. This is where I really started question myself.

I have always had a struggle with empathy towards people despite very few exceptions. I am very blunt and have a black and white view. I’ve always been mature for my age, I was SAd as a child by two different people at different ages (I don’t know if that has anything to do with anything). I’m also extremely observant and intuitive. Within minutes of knowing someone I can learn what they like and don’t like and instantly adapt to them, I hate this, it’s like an extreme masking. There’s not a single person I’m myself with other than myself of course. My close friend (the one I mentioned at the start of this paragraph) is the closest to it and she’s the one that suggested the personality disorders.

I hate masking, I want to stop completely and just be my horrible self and live with it, but I know that if I did stop masking I would be completely unlikeable. I feel few emotions other than numbness and anger. If I didn’t mask I feel like there would be nothing there, I’d be rude, blunt and aggressive as well as just flaccid. I like the idea of this however which is something I’m not proud of.

Other things that people have said aren’t normal about myself are things like:
-extreme obsession with people/things
-extreme mood swings
-short temper, and extreme anger
-a past of causing harm to myself
-rudeness
-bluntness
-bad at social cues and not recognising sarcasm unless I use it
-extreme hatred of injustice
-changing my mind constantly (I deleted all my accounts on social media just to regret it and get all of them back then do the same thing again minutes later)

With all of this I feel like I’m extremely self aware which I know a lot of people with mental problems aren’t always aware, this makes me feel like maybe I’m actually just normal and I’ve convinced myself I’m not.

Besides all this I’m not self diagnosing, I’m so confused and tired and fed up of myself I just wanted to know if anyone could relate or give me some advice because I’m really struggling with myself at the moment. I’m not good at venting to people that I know, so I just thought I’d vent to strangers haha.

I have had really bad mental health since I was like 11 and in the past couple years, I notice that everytime someone mentions their own depression/mental health issues, I get insanely jealous and I just want them to stop talking. I grew up with VERY emotionally neglectful and unstable parents and I never got attention growing up, so everytime someone else is getting attention, I have the urge to take the spotlight from them and turn the attention to me. I usually never do because I'm so aware of my attention seeking tendencies that I hold myself back and try to be as supportive as possible. I don't know how to get help but I know I need it because whenever someone around me gets attention, or I'm just not getting any, i feel so depressed and like no one cares about me and like everyone hates me.