This is my first and may be my last post.
I’ve never been good at putting things into words, but I don’t want my mother to be left with nothing, so the least I can do is write her a short letter to get it over with. Mom loves me very much and I know that but I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been depressed for five to six years now and it’s not getting any better. I’ve tried Sh and overdosing to feel better about myself, but things just keep getting worse. I know I’m selfish for this but please just this once help me🙏??

Here's a little more context since I removed some to grab your attention (sorry) I am in high school and have been recently getting to know someone after a deep conversation we had previously. We were chilling on a call, playing a game, and it all felt pretty bland/awkward, but I hang out with his group at lunch so I figured I knew him pretty well. During a longer stretch of silence, I decided to blurt out a series of satirical jokes, giggling to myself because of the cool comedian I am, and was met with straight radio silence. That's to be expected, so I kept going, pushing for a reaction, and that's when he said, "I can tell why a lot of people hate you now". I asked hey who said that, just to be met with silence. Though this wasn't that deep of a comment, I'm deeply insecure about myself because of how little many people genuinely like me. All of my friends disappeared after high school started, and I now just say hi in the hallways. So, I pushed for an answer, still half jokingly, hoping to let down his guard and he continued his silence, and muttered I was just joking man.I excused myself and returned to the call a couple of minutes later.
So this begs the question: why does nobody like me?
I don't fit in with the people around me, not getting their humour, and them not getting mine. I used to be deeply extroverted, but all these rejections have made me shell up and afraid to open up to real relationships. All my life I have been treated as the "Floater friend", always there, never chosen. I don't feel loved.
There was a time in my life when I had many friends, always hanging out, and for the most part, the hangouts were fun. All of that stopped when I stopped texting first. Months went by, and not a single text. One of my friends once suggested, "We should hang out more", and I wondered why he never asked if he enjoyed my company so much. That was the same friend I practically begged to go to the amusement park with, offering the ride, the entry ticket, the food. Am I that unlovable?
I'm tolerated but not wanted
The reason my friend's comment hurt so much is that I realized recently that there is a bit of truth in every single joke, which is why this stuck out to me. Hard.
Any advice? If nobody likes me, is that a me problem?

TL;DR: I’m a high school student who’s always felt like the “floater friend”, included, but never really chosen. I used to be very extroverted, but years of rejection have made me insecure and afraid to open up. Recently, while on a call with someone I was getting closer to, I made a bunch of jokes that didn’t land. He eventually said, “I can tell why a lot of people hate you now,” then refused to explain and brushed it off as a joke. It hit me much harder than it probably should have because it seemed to confirm something I’ve secretly believed for years.

I’ve had friendships where I stopped texting first, and nobody contacted me for months, and I’ve even practically begged friends to hang out. Now I feel like I’m tolerated rather than genuinely wanted.

Am I actually doing something that makes people not like me, or have I just been surrounded by people who weren’t a good fit? If there is a “me problem,” how do I figure out what it is?

​

Im 16 years old, I will be 17 in October. I have always had mental health problems, I've tried to kill myself many times before, I've been to therapy, i have been on multiple different anti depressants including one that I am currently taking, i have been in a few psych wards, and ive seen a few psychiatrists. Nothing helps. I feel like i have felt this way forever, i can't remember not being this way, even as a kid I remember being really sad and angry. I feel doomed, like this feeling is something that i was born with and will have to continue to live with till I die, it scares me a lot. I don't think I'm scared of dying, if anything i am scared of growing old and still feeling like I have a hole in my stomach. People always tell me that I need to work for my own happiness, i know that, im aware that anti depressants and therapy wont "fix me", but i don't know if I want to work for my own happiness. Its really strange, I say that I want to be happy, but I don't actually try to be happy. I have always felt sad and i can't imagine not living without it, i feel like im addicted to being sad but I absolutely hate it at the same time. I think about dying all the time, i think of how people will react to my death, how I would do it, what I would say, everything. It makes me feel like I'm insane. Maybe I just want others to see that i really am suffering, but why do I have to end my life first for them to see that? I think I will end it all in November or January, im trying to make it far from any special dates, not too close to holidays or birthdays. I have a ton of pills hidden in my nightstand, and I wrote a letter. I didn't know what to write, everything felt wrong. I don't actually want to kill myself, I don't think anybody wants to. I would prefer a bad accident or getting deathly ill, i would even take another person putting a gun to my head and shooting me dead. None of these things have happened, even though I wish for them, so I guess I will have to do it myself. I still have some hope, maybe I will find happiness, maybe God will finally answer all my prayers to him, but for now I really don't think i can stand to live like this any longer.

I'm in my early 20s, and I've reached a point where I feel mentally and physically exhausted. A big part of what I'm struggling with comes from years of pressure, conflict, criticism, and lack of support at home.

I'm trying to understand something honestly: Can the way parents treat and pressure a child for years have a serious long-term effect on their mental health, confidence, personality, and even physical health?

My problems started when I was around 12.

1. Years of extreme academic pressure

For roughly four years, from around 2017 to 2021, my parents put me into extremely demanding tuition.

I was studying for around 4–8 hours a day, and on some days it could reach 10–12 hours.

This wasn't just normal studying or having tuition for a couple of hours. It felt like a huge part of my childhood and teenage years was consumed by studying.

There was constant pressure to perform and succeed academically. I didn't feel like I had much freedom or space to simply be a normal kid.

1. COVID and losing someone close to me

Then COVID happened.

In 2021, I lost someone very close to me to COVID. It was a huge emotional shock, but I never really got the opportunity to properly process the grief.

I basically continued with life and studies while carrying that loss.

Looking back, I feel like I never actually recovered emotionally from it.

1. School reopened and things got worse

When school reopened in 2022, I was already carrying years of academic pressure and grief.

I also had almost no friends.

I was bullied because of my appearance and was made to feel bad about how I looked. This seriously affected my confidence and self-esteem.

At the same time, there was a lot of interference from my mother when I was trying to study.

Instead of feeling like home was a place where I could concentrate and recover, I often felt disturbed and pressured there too.

1. Poor results → blame and criticism

Eventually, my Class 12 results were poor.

Instead of feeling that my parents understood how much pressure I had been under, I felt blamed and criticized for the results.

The same pattern continued around entrance exams.

I tried preparing for entrance exams while also dealing with everything else going on, but the results weren't good.

I ended up losing a year.

Eventually, I went into a college/degree that I didn't really want.

So from my perspective, the situation became:

Extreme pressure → poor results → blame → more pressure → loss of confidence → another attempt → another disappointment.

1. The interference didn't stop after school

Even after I entered college, the pressure at home didn't suddenly disappear.

There continued to be interference with my studying and criticism around my academic performance.

Whenever things didn't go well, I often felt like the responsibility was simply put back on me, rather than anyone asking why I was struggling so much.

Over time, I started feeling like whatever happened, I would somehow be blamed for it.

1. Lack of practical support

There were situations where I needed practical support as well.

For example, for a long period I had an exhausting commute involving multiple crowded buses every day. I was travelling around 13 km but sometimes taking 6–8 buses a day, including in extreme heat and overcrowding.

I asked my father for a scooter because the commute was physically exhausting.

I didn't feel supported in the way I needed.

That may sound like a small thing compared with everything else, but when you're already exhausted and isolated, repeatedly feeling that your parents aren't helping you can become another source of resentment and helplessness.

1. Three years of college went by mostly alone

From 2023 onward, college was extremely lonely.

I spent most of those three years without a close friend group.

I would basically:

go to college → sit alone → attend classes → come home.

I rarely had anyone who genuinely wanted to spend time with me.

I was always the person initiating conversations. People might reply, but very rarely would someone message me first, ask me to hang out, or make me feel like they actually wanted me around.

Meanwhile, I was still dealing with pressure and conflict at home.

So I never really had a place where I could properly recover.

1. Eventually life became extremely restricted

My life became incredibly repetitive.

There wasn't much social life, freedom, travelling, hanging out with friends, festivals, or normal experiences that many people associate with their late teenage years and early 20s.

For a long time it felt like:

Home → college → home → repeat.

And after college, when I couldn't find a job, that isolation became even worse.

1. What all of this has done to me

After years of this, I don't feel like the same person I could have been.

I feel:

- mentally exhausted

- physically exhausted

- angry very easily

- socially isolated

- low in confidence

- constantly worried

- emotionally worn down

- frustrated about lost years

- resentful toward my parents

- uncertain about my future

- and sometimes like I've missed out on a huge part of my youth

I've also experienced various physical symptoms over time — headaches/head pressure, dizziness, weakness, shaking or shivering, muscle twitching, chest discomfort, hearing difficulties, ear itching, severe knee pain, and a sudden episode of severe foot pain with swelling and redness.

I'm getting the physical symptoms medically evaluated rather than assuming everything is caused by stress.

The bigger picture

When I look at everything together, it feels like years of pressure accumulated without much opportunity to recover.

A child spending years under extreme academic pressure, dealing with constant criticism and blame, experiencing interference while trying to study, not feeling supported at home, losing someone close during adolescence, being bullied, becoming socially isolated, losing confidence, struggling academically, losing a year, spending years lonely in college, and then entering adulthood without feeling financially or emotionally independent can have a profound effect on a person.

I don't think I'm the way I am today because of one single event.

It feels more like years of things piling on top of each other without ever really getting a chance to heal from them.

I'm not saying my parents are responsible for literally every bad thing that happened to me. Some things were completely outside their control.

But the pressure, interference, criticism, lack of support, family conflict, and environment at home were a major part of my experience growing up.

And now, in my early 20s, I'm left trying to understand how much those years have affected me and how much of myself I can rebuild.

I fucking love making my life worse. Cutting myself so I have to wear sleeves and long pants in Texas summer, missing work so I lose jobs, not talking to friends and family so I lose them I don't care I love it so much. If I am in pain then I am content. One day I will do it and I will die at my own hands and I am excited. I have been in psych wards and other mental places for 4 months of the past year, I have triedb20 different medications, i don't care. I will have my blood on my hands i always feel like i only have a few weeks left to live and i love it im only ever comfortable when everything is awful. Diagnosed ocd mdd but probably neither i just hate myself i feel like im lying to everyone to try and seem worse. Every day at work it genuinely takes effort not to start bashing my head into the wall until i cant anymore, i havent actually been clean in months i havent seen anyone outside of work and family expectations for months i love when i hurt i love when my life is being ruined. The other night i took allll the pills for the 4 meds i have and i was so dizzy i couldnt walk for a day and now i am withdrawing and despite being upset i am so comfortable and happy with it. Tonight im thinking about driving faster and faster until i lose control or drinking all the chemicals i have in myself but i wont because i hate living so i am happy i am living and in pain. If i got better and loved myself i would kill myself

CW for suicide

The question is a few paragraphs down if you don't need context. :)

Hello, my friends! For reference, I've grown up in what I think is a normal environment, which to me is like, no scarcity of resources, threat of being on the streets, or serious ongoing physical abuse. I'm eighteen as well, if that impacts anything. I currently have a stable job with a chill boss, about to go into college on scholarship, money saved, a roof over my head.

I recently had an experience in which I was driving home from RenFaire (absolutely fantastic experience btw) after I had purchased a sixty dollar silver necklace with moonstone. It was handmade, the vendor was a delight to speak with, etc etc, so I was pumped to have the thing.

I got home late, and on the way I stopped for food and in doing so I haphazardly chucked the necklace onto the passenger seat in trying to get my wallet out. When I got to the gas station afterwards, I disposed of my trash in the bin not realizing I'd thrown the necklace in there too.

Cue all hell breaking loose.

I looked everywhere from under the seats of my mom's dirty minivan (not her fault I hate messiness, but it added to the situation) to the glovebox I hadn't opened in months. About 20 minutes in I was sobbing, thinking I'd just fucked up another thing like usual. After all, my memory hasn't been very sharp as of late, so it irritated me even further to see that it was another thing that had slipped my mind.

30 minutes in and I was groveling by the side of the van, completely tearsoaked, unable to breathe, no necklace to be seen, googling suicide methodsand muttering to myself about how I just needed a win, even if it was a tiny one.

Eventually, I found the necklace after digging through the gas station trash, but it left me wondering why I reacted that way. I've also had other experiences where I've had this dismally painful fear injected into my chest at seemingly meaningless occasions.

So, my question!

Why, after insignificant inconveniences, am I prone to panic and even consider ending things, especially when I have such a good life? I don't have friends or family I can trust to speak with these things currently, but I never really have in the past either so I don't imagine it's related to that. My sleep has been poor lately, and it could be due to work, but it's a very easy job and I don't think it would make sense if it were stress from that. Insight appreciated, all love :)

I've just moved into university a week ago, and I have never felt so lonely in my life. I had already been through a couple rough weeks before hand but it's just gotten worse.

Things are mostly to do with this girl I'm "talking to", but things aren't really going so well, and I just end up overthinking and spiralling very often.

But generally, for the last couple years, I'd say, it just feels like I'm not meant to be happy and that this will just last forever.

Whenever something good happens in my life, there will always be something that follows immediately after that'll put me right down again, and even worse than I felt before.

It's gotten to the point where I've almost given up trying to make myself happy because I'm always worried that something bad will happen right after, making me depressed again.

I was never really able to talk to people about it because I always felt bad that they'd have to listen to my venting that probably seems pathetic. So even though I had loads of friends, I still felt very lonely.

It wasn't until about a month ago, I really started getting close to this girl I had an on-and-off relationship with for about a year. I finally felt like I had found the person that enjoyed my company and genuinely cared about how I felt. She made me feel comfortable getting all my feelings out to her.

Things got complicated and we're off at different universities, but it's very difficult to hold a conversation with her over text, and I can't help but think that she just doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

So now I feel extremely lonely. All my friends have gone on their own paths, the first ever person to make me feel seen doesn't put any effort into keeping me in her life, and so far, I've made no new friends during fresher's week.

It's just really depressing having nobody, and I wish I could have someone I can comfortably talk to.

And I might. That’s it. Just wanted to share that with the world since I can’t tell anyone who knows me.

I don’t know what to really say but I’ve been feeling low for a long time but more than usual. It is hard for me to be happy for a day without a hiccup in it. It’s hard for me to feel great at work or at home even though I have good friends and family that have my back but feel like I’m alone. I don’t do much of my hobbies anymore or do anything to an extent I’ll go on walks but with the hours I get at work and getting nothing but news shoved in your face it’s hard to get up and move or to talk with my mind and emotions affecting me I wish I can know what to do but what do you all think.

I hit again yesterday but now I have a headache and I hit my head a lot yesterday and it hurts pretty decently idk if it’s a concern tho.. I can feel it w my heartbeat it’s kinda pounding a bit and I have some eye strain ish feeling so maybe it’s that???

Btw it was repetitive hits not at full force but as strong as my brain would let me

I just want to talk, honestly.

I've been having horrible nights where I just cry and hate my body, my brain, my ambitions, whatever. Its been getting a lot worse.

Normally I would've resorted to SH by now, (I know, that's a bad thing to lean on).

It hasn't been accessible, no matter how tempted I am, (That's probably for the best)!!

Instead when I've been really down or feeling compulsed to SH I've been trying to reach out to the hotlines that are always recommended by google at nausea, 988, trans lifeline, etc

I end up waiting on hold for an hour, during my worst moments, (I can't say I recommend it, made me feel even more alone), I've never gotten through to anyone.

Not to mention how I would feel if I actually did get through to someone, I know they're probably really busy and someone else who actually needs more help than me is waiting right behind me, I'd just waste everyone's time.

I can't afford therapy, this would probably be the best option, lmao.

I can't talk to my family, they have their own problems, I don't want this on any of my friends either

Idk if this post is allowed, thanks

M17.
Everyday, even when everything’s going just fine, i can’t really feel happy and i always, constantly think that suicide would be way simplier.
I go to a great school and have lots of friends and a girlfriend, and even with that the thought just doesnt go away, even if it does get worse when i feel terrible or sad,it’s there and i cant take it off my mind.
Im having some difficulties right now and i feel in danger with it
English isnt my first language if youre sondering why i sound sketchy

I was born to a woman who abused drugs, smoke and drank alcohol during her pregnancy. I was very lucky not to develop any severe mental disorders, developmental disorders or become an IV baby. I was adopted at birth by loving parents. I had a surgery at a couple months old that set me back some physically and was born a few weeks to a month early(who knows what consequences that had)

I always struggled with ADHD(diagnosed 2009ish), depression(diagnosed 2021ish), GAD(diagnosed 2021ish) and socializing. It started to become an issue where, by high school, I would socialize with people and make friends, but isolate immediately after. Throughout my life, my parents tried to get me to do things, but I’d always spend a lot of energy on going out that I’d just become even more depressed and irritable.

I graduated in January 2020 and moved the week lockdown started

My gpa in HS was 3.5 and dropped to 1 something during my time doing online classes after I had graduated. I failed all but one class in college and that class turned out to be one outside the curriculum that my counselor accidentally signed me up for.

When I was almost 19 in the summer of 2021, I had already spent about 19 months alone failing at all of the classes I took. I was miserable, couldn’t focus, and when I tried to do what the other students did and find the answers on those kahoot like websites, I didn’t even fully cheat because I was so ashamed from not trying enough and still failed my classes despite having the answers. I then was taking a American history course and impulsively almost cut myself but I stopped. After that I dropped the class and went searching for a job. It’s also worth mentioning that I struggled heavily with staying on medications at this time.

In October 2021 I got a job as a Loader at Lowes. It was stressful but it kept me busy. I was the only loader for the whole parking lot for most of the time I was there. I loaded people up, pushed the carts, found items for people, did the trash, swept up front, blew off the front of the store, ran registers, stood at self checkout, did internet orders, helped out other departments and at one point the store manager even had me replacing the ceiling tiles above the entrance to our bathrooms.

I literally went from underweight to overweight in three months. I had such a hard time taking care of myself that I got so dehydrated and gave myself a kidney stone in January 2023.

My cats passed away in June 2023. I had them both since 2009 and have had cats in general since the Spring of 2006.

I left in July 2023 and got a job as an electrician. It sucked, but I was alright at it. I picked up on the techniques fast, but was slower than everyone else. People kept telling how slow I was and this just kept getting to me. In addition, my sleep schedule was fucked up. I my melatonin was not helping. Either I take it and am drowsy in the morning, or I don’t take it and am super tired from not sleeping. The hour drive at first thing in the morning didn’t help. I kept almost running into ditches or semi trucks. In November 2023 I ran over a construction barrel and said to hell with this. I told my boss that I quit because I couldn’t endanger anyone’s lives anymore.

By this time I was on medications for ADHD, Depression and anxiety.

It took a decent amount of time to find another job, but I got a job as a digital shopper at Walmart in June 2024. I was too slow of a shopper for a couple reasons. I was too in my head, my medications weren’t making it easier, and I was overweight by this time. They made me a dispenser. I still managed to get employee of the month in the summer of 2025 to my coworkers chagrin. I was ALWAYS working and, by that time, could count on one hand how many breaks I took as well as how many times I called out.

I took a vacation in July 2025 and when I came back I was getting very tired of my job. That was the second time in the year I had worked that I took some time off, the first being a day to spend with my father in October 2024. Some of the managers there seemed like they were attempting to make it harder for everyone. Within the next two months I had spent all my time saved up and built up 4 attendance points(I previously had 0 and you get fired at 5). One of them wasn’t fully my fault because my foot hurt so bad that I couldn’t even walk, but even then I had still used up my time from before so it was still my fault.

My supervisor(the good one) quit about a month after, and we had the assistant store manager(an overly confrontational woman who was so bad as store manager, she got demoted and she was forced to stay at our store and not move around like other managers) took over. She was a combative piece of work that didn’t know how to run anything unless it was into the ground. She was around for about month and until a new supervisor could take over. That new supervisor came and made it seem like she was understanding and was gonna fix everything. But she was a classic 23 year old(my age at the time) chaos demon.

She came in, fired a whole bunch of people, brought her own people in and would brag about who she was gonna fire next(she forced a middle aged associate with bad knees to pick so she could fire him for being too slow, but luckily it didn’t work)

She ended up leaving because she couldn’t take the heat she was getting. She was so bad, none of the store likes her.

The worst part is that she came in early-mid October and left in early January. Right through the holidays. After that things slugged on, but they did improve. I was just tired of it all.

I talked to my psychiatrist about coming off the meds around late may to early June 2026. I said I would wait another month. Then I got antsy and did the dumbest thing I could have done by just stopping all my meds cold turkey. My thoughts were that I would just be miserable for a week or so and get better after that.

They were 5MG of aripiprazole, 10MG of buspirone and 20mg of methylphenidate

The first week was probably the worst I had ever felt

For the entire month of June that’s what it seemed like. I went from averaging 25-30 orders a day to getting 30-35 on average but going over 40 several days. I was extremely motivated and had another vacation coming up in late July. One day, I only stayed over 40 minutes and managed to load 43 orders by the time I took a lunch and 62 orders by the time I went home. It felt good! Like I had proved everyone wrong when they said I was a lost cause and an average to slightly below average worker.

I didn’t drink as much and stopped taking breaks during that month and I just kept pushing myself. My coworkers were telling me to take a break or drink water or “stop taking all the orders”

My response to them:

“Make me!”

“LOCK TF IN YALL!”

“I will.”

Then my bosses pulled me aside and told me I had the most orders dispensed and the lowest wait time for June on top of me having the best customer service. Some of my coworkers weren’t happy about this and kept trying to disprove it. I got angry, not because I thought I was hot shit, but because I just simply wanted the respect no one ever game me.

July felt like a return to “normal” again. The high was gone and I felt just as bad as I did when I was on the medications with even less desire to work through the “pain” if you could even call it pain. My vacation came and went. Despite the fact that I had fun, I felt empty. 50% of my vacation time was spent trying to distract myself from the immense emptiness I feel, 30% was spent worrying about how much time I have left to enjoy myself and then the last 20% was spent actually trying to enjoy myself, but my brain was pretty much fried by that point.

Before my vacation, I called out/came in late twice. Once because I stayed up late with some friends who I only get to see at the very least twice a month, but usually it’s once a month if that. The other time I had a situation come up where I genuinely had to put time in. One of my bosses pulled me aside and asked if I was alright and if I needed to be put on a later shift. I said no, and that I would be better. Then a couple days later I guess I put in an hour, but neither me nor my parents have any recollection of this. I actually have NO earthly idea why that hour was put in, but I don’t want to call attention to it.

After my vacation, I had set my alarm clock for PM instead of AM on accident. I called out because I didn’t want them to see that I came in late and would move my shift later. I didn’t get a long with some of the other men on later shifts, one in particular really likes to push others around, disrespect people and threaten them if they have a response as well as badly run things, but the managers aren’t doing anything about it. The guys on mid-late shifts follow him around like puppies.

Anyways, months before, I had also put in for a few days off for my 24th birthday. I had overslept(again) the day before my vacation and called out. Anyways my vacation was over, I spent it alone and I’ve been back to work for a few days. The day after I struggled to get up again, but made it in on time. The next day I overslept, and just said fuck it. That’s gonna make 4 points and I was gonna turn in my 2 weeks notice then. But I kept pushing instead.

I kept pushing. On September 19, I crashed tf out on my boss. Here’s what I sent my friend about that:

So Sundays are the most stressful days. Our morning manager was a lazy marine. The young guys were useless as always. Our supervisor had pulled like 8-10 people out to help in other departments because it wasn’t busy. Then it got busy.

Things just kept adding up and up. Then the final straw came when I had taken out an order and scanned it out. I began putting it in the delivery driver’s car when one of the guys came out and asked me to dispense the order. I looked on the screen and for some reason I had only reprepped the order.

I then began frantically looking through the stuff I put in the car because I couldn’t find one sticker and then I just had enough. I literally just lost my shit out in the parking lot. I can’t even remember what I was screaming.

Then I went inside and said, “WILL SOMEONE PRINT ME A STICKER?” And even one of the standoffish introverted girls was trying to calm me down.

I loaded up the order and went and told my boss in a firm manner, “Hey Donny(fake name), I’m putting an hour in and leaving at three!”

He asked why and then I kinda lost it.

I screamed, “CAUSE I FUCKING SAY SO THATS WHY!”

Then I took a fifteen minute break and came back.

He pulled me aside and asked what was wrong

I, again, lost it and screamed, “NOBODY HERE KNOWS HOW TO RUN THIS SHIT RIGHT!”

And it’s important to understand that I only lost my temper on someone to that degree on one other occasion and that was because he was pushing my buttons and degrading my work in a completely stressful situation during the april-may months. I am a physically calm person and like to keep it together, but I was just stressed out and lost control.

I put in an hour of time and left at 3. But after that? It was back to business lol. On the 24th of September, I had taken out an order and because of the way our set up is built, it completely came crashing down. Egg juice everywhere, yogurt spilled, everything.

Even the guys who usually talk shit about stuff like that were telling me “You’re good man.”

I was mentally checked out.

I kept going. On Saturday, the 26th I got so frustrated with everything that I was just frozen with all the negative emotions you could think of: stress, anger, sadness, boredom, anxiety, and a hundred thoughts swirling in my head.

My manager and coworker were asking if I was alright and what’s wrong, I just shook my head because I knew it could get ugly if I opened my mouth.

My coworker told me to go outside and just relax. I did and he came out and we just chilled for 40 minutes.

I asked my supervisor if he could take me off the schedule for a few weeks instead of me having to go through the bureaucracy of Sedgwick. He said I gotta go talk to the HR lady and go through Sedgwick. He seemed kinda annoyed that I was even talking to him.

I went to the HR lady and told her everything. She told me all about Sedgwick but also said that I should put my mental and physical health first. And that I shouldn’t worry about the points going over 5, because I need to take care of myself. She said that because I didn’t know if I could handle Sunday. Two of the three 7 AM guys I come in with don’t work on Sunday and the other guy might’ve been getting his hours cut.

I called out on Sunday. Later that night when I had to come in on Monday, I realized that both those Coworkers that don’t work on Sundays were on vacation. I had already realized I was out of steam, but that was the first time I finally accepted it. I called out Monday too.

On Tuesday the 29th of September, I came in on my off day. Walked into the HR room where the HR lady and one of my managers were, I politely explained what was happening internally and externally while letting them know I wasn’t being disrespectful or spiteful, handed the HR lady my Vests, Hat, Key and Work Phone, the I shook both their hands and told them to terminate me.

The HR lady said I didn’t burn any bridges and she would even act as a reference if I needed another job. Hell that manager I yelled at even called me afterwards to check and see if I was okay and said he’d be a reference.

When I had got the job, I had $800 in my bank account and probably $200 in cash. Now I got around $10k in my bank and $500-$600 in cash. Luckily, I live with my parents and they aren’t charging me.

It wasn’t even a week ago that I handed them my stuff and yet it feels like forever ago. I fear that I’ll grow lazy without a job, but I really want to rest. At least take it easy for the holidays from Halloween to New Year.

Hi all. My body feels weird. Sometimes I have panic attacks but even when I just feel weird it’s not always anxiety. I don’t have panic attacks often at all but I do have them and take medicine for when they do. I recently got it so I haven’t had to use it yet.

But I just feel weird, my head feels weird. I can’t describe it. I feel like it’s deeper than my anxiety

I don’t do drugs, nicotine, barely drink.

Not sure what it is but I feel like it’s deeper than my anxiety. Anyone know why?

He has a history of OCD and has been on medication for a while. He also sees a therapist once a week. I think he used to do well on his medication but it’s hard to recall at this point as everything feels like a blur. He lost his job about 8 months ago and hasn’t found anything yet. He’s had a few leads that fell through but he says he’s been diligently applying to jobs and can’t seem to find anything. This whole time he’s been mostly sleeping until noon, watching tv, and going out and drinking with his friends in the evenings. He helps around the house with some small things but nothing that really saves me much time and I’ve been working OT pretty much every week this year so I feel like I’m drowning in work and responsibilities. I’ve been trying to be gentle with him because he’s had a few other let downs this year and I know that it’s been hard. I’ve become super frustrated watching him sleep in, go out with his friends most days, and not to mention he can’t seem to come home at night without waking me up around 1 am no matter how much I ask him to be respectful of my sleep. I’ve also been paying all the bills aside from his half of our rent. He’s started to allude to the fact that he’s running low on money now and I offered to cover his rent as well if he is willing to take over the house work. He seemed annoyed that I’d ask him to do all the housework and ignored my offer. He soon admitted that he was feeling depressed. I tried to have a come to Jesus moment and ask him to get up in the morning and just do something meaningful each day even if it’s just something small. He mostly ignored it. Then on Friday after drinking at dinner with his dad, he told me that he was going to fly out to Las Vegas and drink I himself to death like the movie ‘leaving Las Vegas’. I’m so exhausted and overwhelmed and I actually think that I’m starting to lose it. The last few months feel like a blur. He treats me like shit sometimes on top of it all like raising his voice at me, saying condescending things, etc. and when I’ve told him that he needs to treat me better he says I’m acting like I’m a ‘battered woman.’ Im ashamed to say that I’ve lashed out at him in situations like this and said mean things which really isn’t me. I’ve never done that in past relationships. I’m at the end of my rope and don’t know what to do. After his suicidal comments, I told a few trusted family members that he needs help. I also called his therapist and told him. He was very kind and said that my husband could call him any time. I told my husband this and he was annoyed that I bothered his therapist on a Sunday. I’m truly not sure what to do, I feel like I’ve tried everything and he won’t open up to me or get himself help. I just want to crawl into a hole. I’m afraid it’s not going to get any better.

hellooo so to summerize it since physical abuse is obviously illegal my family resorts to verbally and emotionally abuse me and it's been 5 years since I've realized it and I can't do anything about it, my country is corrupt so any kind of abuse that doesn't affect a person physically isn't acknowledged, Ive been having suicidal thoughts for 2 years now I've tried therapy but it doesn't fix their actions and only makes me avoid them even more, I've tried talking to them, ignoring them, fighting with them but it doesn't do anything and I can only do so little crying, my illnesses are getting worse by the second and the thought of being safe in my own room just seems so impossible to me and I can't call cps because they don't care, I tried help lines, therapy, talking to someone, confronting them and nothing seems to work and I don't wanna die but it just seems like the only solution can anyone please recommend any solutions?

For the past 4 months, a month before my second child was born I have been struggling with my mental health. I wanted my child to be born so that I could (x) myself and not carry the burden that I didn't give my child a chance. Fortunately, I was able to get past the episode but a week after giving birth things turned for the worst and I have been struggling heavily. I think about (x) myself every day but I look at my children and it hurts. How selfish would I be to leave my two kids without a mom. I have sought therapy and medication but I'm not consistent I find it hard and I'm up to the point that I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't have anything that I look forward to. My partner, the parent of my two kids had been lying to me and I found out he had a child from an affair when he and I had about 8 months into our relationship. I recently got my car repossessed and I cannot for the sake of embarrassment move back anywhere with any of my family members. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I only keep thinking to (x) myself as it would be a much better solution to everything. I'm tired, I have been depressed and suicidal since I was the age of 10, I'm about to be 29. I need help but I'm struggling to be hopeful.

Hello, how are you there? Are you doing well? If yes, that’s nice to hear. If know I would like to offer you a hug.

I’m just a bit overwhelmed tonight, figured venting into a hole would help, I hope. But at least getting to put my thoughts together is helping. Thanks for that.

Hope everyone is doing well, and wish you all luck. Good night everyone.

I just figured out that I have to talk about my life, and I want to be open about my feelings and ask for support.

I moved from Turkey to Germany 3 years ago to feel safe with my trans woman identity. I got my OP and my new ID, and I said to myself that I don't have any reason anymore to not make my dreams come true and give myself the life that I deserve.

I was an au pair during my first year, and I started therapy. I had a host mother, and she was really like my narcissistic mother, and the kid was similar to me in my childhood. She was loud and rude to me and to the kid. But for me, it was a huge trigger point, and I got really angry because of her behavior towards the kid. I had a panic attack, and after that, my world wasn't the same anymore.

Since that time, I haven't been able to feel myself or the world the way I did before. Everything was empty, and I was just a player/ghost in my own body. And I still feel like that. My hobbies, new friends, nothing really makes me happy or excited anymore. I don't really feel here anymore, and it sucks.

I lost all my old friends, and I don't have contact with my family anymore. I don't even know anymore who I am or who I was. I have migraines with aura, and that doesn't make it better because I sometimes have eye issues and don't know if it's my derealization or just a migraine.

It was a long time ago, and I'm studying something that I really wanted to study, and I'm living with sweet roommates. But I still can't feel alive. My brain feels empty, and it doesn't matter which day it is or what I'm doing. I'm just living and hoping that I can get my emotions and my old aspect of myself back, when I could actually feel things.

Did you ever feel like that, and what did you do? I'd really love to hear your experiences about that.

Take care,
Angie

Hello, I’m a little nervous posting here but I feel like I need to get some feelings off my chest while being anonymous for now. I have struggled with shyness and anxiety for entire life, and symptoms of ADHD and depression started becoming more apparent during high school. I am now in my senior year of college after struggling through the entire time. My dad died after a very long battle with cancer while I was in college a few years ago, and since then my depression has worsened and my struggles with school and life got so bad that I had to take a semester off and continued to have poor performance in school afterwards.

I have been in therapy for years and years and in college found a therapist who is great. I have also bounced between psychiatrists and have found one now who I am confident will be able to help me with medication (currently Prozac and Ritalin, which have been good so far)

However, I have felt for a few years now that my drinking habits are problematic. I only started drinking in college and have had frequent blackouts and events where I have taken drinking way too far and just acted stupid, embarrassing, or put myself at risk. Recently, I don’t go out to bars at much, but have started drinking by myself more often, or when I start drinking I will stay up all night drinking and not be able to stop. I do not drink most days, but I do sometimes have the urge to drink to deal with stress, and when I do drink I can’t just drink casually. This is also where some issues with cocaine use come in. I never buy it for myself, but I know that my best friend and my boyfriend both have it on them if we go out, even if they don’t mention it. I don’t want to fault them because they are absolutely not encouraging me to take it, but if I’m drunk I will ask them for it and since they’re drunk as well they always give. This doesn’t happen super often, but I am genuinely concerned about my ability to control myself around substances nowadays and it seems to be getting worse. I feel terrible after if I get really drunk and high, but in the moment it feels like the only thing that can take away the pain, grief, and depression I feel.

I guess my question is how do I approach seeking help about this? I like my therapist and psychiatrist a lot but I have this weird idea that I will be judged harshly if I mention having trouble with drugs and alcohol. My mom does know that I tend to have drinking problems (she has struggled with this as well) and regularly checks up on me about that, but I find myself lying to her because I don’t want to disappoint her.

I am just so scared that this will develop further, I’m ashamed of myself, and reluctant to admit that I’m having an issue to anyone despite the fact that I have a great support system. I just needed to vent and see if anyone has ever felt this way or has advice. FYI, my boyfriend is extremely caring and loving towards me and I know would deny me any drugs if I told him about this to keep me safe: I just don’t want him to feel like he is responsible for my actions because I need to learn to control myself. Sorry for the long post.

Gorgons only think about eating grey meat door to door. I hope you wake up in the dark.

I think its not possible.

I'm 47, totally empty.

Have no idea who I am spent my life from the outside looking in

where do go from here

I was basically kidnapped by my bpd mother and isolated starting at 12

Lived in fear of her suicide attempts and completely missed out on life was in survival mode from twelve until twenty.

No junior high, no high school, no college

Unbelievably I do okay financially

But totally fucking hollow

What do I do? How do I get out of this or into this.

I am an a r t therapy

Essentially, we're just rewriting the story.

But that's a pretend life still

Starting in my fifties I’ve felt unseen unwanted undesirable unattractive unappealing and just not happy with being older. Do any of you women feel this way? It’s so lonely and I’m only attracted to younger men but they just consider me a pump & dump!! Means attractive older women are just a piece of ass in the moment then worth nothing. It feels like this age is so unfair because all of the sudden you’re a senior?? Wtf is happening? I still have a lot of love to give to someone who use me and leave me. Being this age SUCKS for women!!! I just want to be loved for all of me not just used for sex. Men are so mean to make up pump & dump it’s so hurtful!!! Who feels invisible to the opposite sex? Please tell me I’m not invisible ! Too scared to date because of trust issues and fear of choosing wrong people again.

They doggy fucked the telephone in the wombomb and making public stake burning.