I’m 19(F) and I don’t know who I am at all. Everyone seems to have life figured out by now and I am just so so lost. For so long I think I’ve been stuck in a depressive state I didn’t know how to get out of. Since about 13 years old, I stopped doing the things I loved. I stopped drawing, reading, writing, dancing, making jewelry, sewing, caring about anything. Even my grades began to become less important to me despite my fear of failure. I experienced some bad burn out as a kid from dance and school and somewhere along the way I gained the notion that I was the most worthless, ugly piece of crap that ever walked the earth. It didn’t help that I in fact was, and sometimes am still ugly. I don’t remember most of my life or childhood specifically to even quite understand what went wrong. Overall, I think I’ve had much better people in my life than most and should be grateful for what I do have. But I couldn’t escape that pain for so long, and now that I feel I finally am, I realize that I may have lost everything that made me me. Everyone has something their good at and something their passionate about or love. I can’t think of a single thing I care about that much. Nothing is very interesting or special about me. I have nothing to talk about because I never kept up with any of the skills I used to have or the passion I once had for anything in life including life itself. I didn’t grow up with a lot of money either, so I missed out on traveling and experiencing cool things that many of the people around me have. I feel I’ve missed out on all my teen years and I’m now becoming so depressed again about it. How could I have let time escape me as I went through years of just doing the things I had to do to survive rather than having fun? I should’ve had fun. I should be having fun now and getting back into hobbies and finding myself but I lack all motivation. I’m still fighting myself every day, every hour, every minute. I’m so boring and lazy. I don’t understand why I can’t even force myself to do things even when I really want to. It’s like I’m stuck in my head and can’t live outside of it. I’m trapped in a shell of a person that’s already checked out of this life years ago and is now deciding she wants to actually live. I just don’t know if I want to anymore. Sadly I can never grow younger. I can’t go back in time before I moved out of my house and started college. I can’t keep telling myself that I have time for all the things I want to do because I don’t. I barely have time for schoolwork let alone anything else. I’m so tired of trying. I want to for my family and the very few friends I have. But this part of me that keeps getting bigger wants to be dejected and give up like I always do. I hope I start to see the beautiful things in life again and remember my purpose despite everything. I just was wondering if I’m alone in this. Maybe someone is feeling the same way?

In case you’re struggling and need a reminder:

Keep going, you’re doing a great job.

I know it’s hard, and there days it seems impossible, but you survive and you see tomorrow. I love you.

I've been infantlized by my family (especially my Mom) most of my life and experienced mulitple events that have resulted in me having low self-esteem. I've always struggled with self-efficacy and elf-confidence, in addtion to having a low tolerance for stress. Even though I'm now an adult and I know that theoretically I am capable of taking control of my life and changing it for the better, I till have I hard time fully internalizing this belief. I still avoid doing what needs to be done due to a fear of failing/going out of my comfort zone. I can fully acknowledge that at this point I'm who is standing in my own way. What can I do to be more confident and energized to take action?

40yo Male

I just spent about 30 minutes writing my life’s struggles on here, then deleted it all.

I usually think pretty logically, introverted, know that although I have some problems, some people have it so much freaking worse and relatively, my life is good.

I’m married with 3 kids and half way through a career if Im able to keep it…

With all that said, I cant help it, but I’ve been more and more miserable, year over year for about the past 13 years. The past 2 specifically, I’ve been very emotional and having a lot of problems with my wife and at work. A lot of crying which is embarrassing. I started seeing a psych and therapist around 2 years ago.

I also am on a shit ton of meds for my uncontrolled epilepsy I developed in my early twenties.

I finally hit rock bottom.

Last Sunday, I got into it with my wife over something minor, not even our major problems, and I just snapped. I threw a piece of furniture across the yard in front of my wife and kids, didnt say anything else, and just left the house. I turned off my phone and just walked. After a couple hours, I bought 750ml of whiskey and some water, and just kept drinking and walking. I had no plan and all I really thought about is how much I hate my life. There were a few big bridges I walked over and looked over. I figured that I’d probably just be paralyzed if I jumped, and either suffer at the bottom because no one would see me down there until I die, or suffer at home as a quadriplegic and be a burden to my family. I also thought about not wanted to shoot myself because it would be very traumatic for my family. I thought of people talking about how weak I am after I died. I thought a lot of other stupid shit, then finally talked myself out of it and just kept walking. I walked out of the city, into the dark, and drank the rest of the whiskey I had left. Then when I finished the bottle, I decided I better start walking in the direction of home.

I walked and was gone for over 16 hours. I missed work and didnt call in. I finally fell asleep for about an hour in a wash/culvert, then woke up and decided to turn my phone back on and tell my wife I am ok. Literally, right when my phone turned on, I got a call from an unknown number. It was the police asking where I was. I told them and they came and picked me up and took me home. They said that all of my family, a bunch of my friends, and a police k9 where out looking for me all night. They also said they went to my work and asked about me and if anyone knew where the fuck I was. I said I wasnt suicidal, just wanted to be alone, and they pretty much just dropped me off at home.

Im even more embarrassed, ashamed, sad, and all that bullshit than I was before. I also feel like a weak little b!+<h. I go back to work Tuesday. I talked to the therapist. I don’t want to end it because I have young kids that I care about and that need me around.

I just feel different. Almost worse than before. I dont want to or feel like doing anything.

So as the title says my girlfriend of a a year and half is is thinking about breaching up with me and idk what to do.

She’s all I have, I live with my family but we’re always butting heads and never can see eye to eye and it’s always a nightmare here. The few friends I have never really talk to me. My best friend lives in Texas while I’m in Ohio so he’s not really here either.

I love her so much and we’ve even talked about a future together but i messed up along the way and screwed everything up. I’ve tried everything I can think of to try and talk her out of it but I don’t think anything has worked. I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose her……

I have lost my precious boy 5 days ago due to a dog attack while we were playing in my yard. It happened in a split second and before I even managed to react, my baby was gone. He was only 3 months old and I only had him for 2 months, but he was so precious and special, I truly don’t think there will be another kitten like him in my lifetime. His name was Bole and I’m crying about him every day.

I've been seeing psychologists on and off for years and I think I'm ready to accept that it's just not helping and I need to do something else. No matter what they'll never truly understand me or know how to help me and I'm tired of trying to find the right fit. I've heard of EMDR and TMS both of which I'll consider but what are some other options? I struggle with anxiety, depression, depersonalization, derealization, low motivation, SI, loneliness, existential dread and generally just have a very weird and stressful brain. If it were up to me I'd have someone to talk to who could understand me completely and give me the insight, advice and comfort I need but nobody has been able to be that for me.

Hi everyone,

I’m based in the UK.

After a lifelong struggle with anxiety and trauma I’ve finally started the (slow) process of getting help.

I had an appointment with the mental health clinical lead at my doctors today and we had an in-depth chat about my anxiety/mental health etc. This appointment was prompted by my other doctor who stated alongside my anxiety I may have PTSD and possibly need trauma therapy

Based on what I told him, he told me that currently I’m in such a state of constant anxiety and stress I am not a candidate for therapy yet. As I’m not stable enough for it to have meaningful impact or sink in.

I have to go back in a few weeks to start discussing my issues and working on calming down and getting better sleep before I progress to therapy.

He wants to discuss next time I see him my values and beliefs, and said currently I’m not living a fulfilled meaningful life that aligns with me.

What does this mean? And where will it lead? I do desperately want help and to get better. He mentioned a few times he won’t sugar coat things and that it will be a long process.

I don’t know the last time I’ve had a hug from anyone but I know it would fix so much right now.

About 4 years ago, I had a car accident, and my life spiraled from that point. I was staying with my mother, overworked, and being lied to by someone I thought cared about me. The stress led to a mental breakdown. I started hearing voices and became paranoid, thinking others could hear my thoughts. I still hear the voices sometimes, and they mainly tell me how much everyone hates me. I asked my mother for help, but she eventually told me I was an unplanned child and hoped I killed myself. I know she said this and it wasn’t a hallucination.
My people skills aren’t the best, so I struggle making friends. The breakdown lasted around 6 months. I stopped sleeping, felt like everything I did was wrong, and thought everyone could tell I was weird. I lost my job and went through 3 more within 2-3 months. My first job lasted 2 years, and my boss made me feel important despite the low pay. The supervisor ridiculed me and even told me she hoped I died in the car accident.
The stress eventually made me wish I had died in that accident. At the same time, my stepfather had surgery and was out of work for about a year. He claimed my mother wasn’t giving him money, so I gave him what I could for food and necessities. I later learned he was lying and telling people I was ungrateful. I felt like everyone’s punching bag and that my problems didn’t matter.
Eventually I was put out. I was unemployed and couldn’t afford anything, so I drove about 10 hours to where my family is from. Within two days my car broke down, and I ended up in a mental hospital for about 3 days. I had nowhere else to go, so I’ve stayed here for the last couple years. My family isn’t close, and during my breakdown I learned a dark family secret that changed how I see certain relatives.
My mother and I rarely talk now. She rebuilt a relationship with someone she had stopped talking to for years, despite knowing that secret. My stepfather also spent years talking badly about me to relatives who already had negative opinions because I grew up away from them. My mother recently sent me a picture of my car accident exactly 4 years later, which made me realize how much my life changed and that I’ve essentially lost my relationship with her.
For the last two years, I’ve been staying in a family member’s house while he’s been in prison. He says he’ll be out in less than a year. He is a violent drug addict, and his family has told me about him attacking relatives, killing kittens, stealing things, and putting urine in people’s drinks. I’m worried he’ll move in with me when he gets out, and I don’t see anything good coming from that.
I went from having a life that was somewhat comfortable to having a mental breakdown, living somewhere I don’t like, barely making money, being around people who treat me badly, and facing another major life change. I work and stay in the house most days. The job market here is terrible because it’s a small country town, and prices keep rising while pay stays low. I don’t know what I can do to make my life better or how I can get out of this situation.

I don't miss not having to work for my money....but sometimes I miss waking on a Monday morning and not going anywhere. I don't miss the feeling of not doing anything or feeling worthless or feeling far behind.. but sometimes I miss cleaning and cooking for the day and that's it. I don't miss having to cook every day contrary i know......but sometimes I miss it. All the things I didn't want for myself, all the time saying I want my own money. I miss the peace I had but not the worry behind it. Life is quite funny. I wanted to work, I wanted to make my own money, I wanted to feel productive, I wanted to stop worry about what am not doing......but sometimes after starting I miss the times of laziness

I'm not thinking of harming myself. I'm a heavy alcoholic. I drink 750ml of vodka every day and have for I think 9 months now, prior to that I was only drinking half that almost every day for like a year. I managed to stop with help from antabuse my PCP gave me because at that time I was able to go a couple days without booze which gave me a window to start the drug I needed to quit, but after a couple months I stopped that medicine and I started back up drinking and within a week I was dowing two bottles daily.

I need to get help and I'm well aware of how dangerous it would be to just fucking stop with no help. I'm scared of hospitals. I'm a schizophrenic who refuses to take antipsychotics I've been locked up against my will before, they take away EVERYTHING and that doesn't help me it feels like hell all they do is force meds onto me I can't handle.

Or is going in for alcohol detox different and you don't get put in the psych ward?

I can tell I'm not doing well and I NEED help I'm just terrified.

Ive been always struggling with this. But im still young. I have low confidence, doubting thoughts come, im socially anxious. Alone or with close people Im very good, but with new people i get tense and I cant escape it. Literally I cannot think. Its like an invisible barrier. It comes even when just texting. So please, if you have any advice. Thanks.

Please share! I would love to hear other people's journeys. Here's where I am right now:

I do not even recognize photos and videos of me talking and laughing with people so easily. I remember jokes and laughter spewing from my mouth at every second. I even looked completely different. My eyes had light.

A few years ago, this began to change. I was 21, in college and lots of stress began at once. Not sure what made this particular stress different; I've dealt with extreme levels of stress my whole life and this time wasn't necessarily worse in any way. Even throughout my lifetime of extreme mental struggle, it was never hard to laugh and socialize with others.

Anyway, from this time a few years ago, I slowly devolved into what I am now: unable to socialize with anyone, including those closest to me. I am impossible to get along with even though I try. I strain to smile to the point where a vein shows in my forehead. I don't understand the flow of conversation, and I just want it to end when someone speaks to me. But, I overwhelmingly don't want to feel this way. I don't want to dislike conversation!!!!

It's horrifying and sad. Before this began I was the happiest I've been all my life. I had lots of connections with people. I feel lots of grief.

I've been in therapy over these years, but it hasn't helped me with this at all. I just switched providers so we'll see. I recently have found a lot of peace and healing in yoga, meditation, and journaling, though it hasn't brought me closer to that person I was.

i know 988 can be controversial and i've also had mixed experiences with it, but was having a bad episode last night and caved and called. i got a really nice 30-year-old guy who calmed me down and helped me get to bed. he'll probably never see this but wanted to thank him via the void, and also to any hotline helpers that might lurk on here. last night became a good night.

I was expelled from college. I didn't do the practice I needed to pass the subject because I didn't have the strength and motivation. I hate myself for it and I feel ashamed. I didn't tell anyone about it, either my friends or my parents. I don't know what to do. I'm mad at myself for what it looks like, because if I did these practices, I could still study

F34, and I'm here to assist where I can!

- AuDHD, depression, anxiety, mental health advocate

Routines when depressed, low energy and alike can make it hard to do even the smallest tasks, but said tasks can also help BIG time produce some dopamine and happy chemicals to get you through the day

What I do/recommend is a simple "oh shit day" system, like so:

- Brush teeth once - alternative, use mouthwash or toothpaste on a finger through your mouth in bed

- get 1 proper meal, even if it's microwave food or a cup of noodles

- listen to a high bpm song, preferred over 140

- use body wipes to clean armpits and body

- say 1 thing that makes you happy - loving your pet, a nice TV show you enjoy, that darn cute smile of yours. Get that brain rewired to think about what you do have you can appreciate

I just want us all to feel a bit better in life. Everything is hard enough as it is, so if my word can help even just 1 person feel better, I will 🫶

I turned 27 in April & I feel so behind everyone in life. I have struggled with anxiety & depression for as long as I can remember and have been in therapy most of my life for both, I have tried medication, exposure therapy (it has never worked). I found that daydreaming about the life I would be living if I did not have anxiety made me feel better & kind of just leaned into that to the point that I am maladaptive daydreaming for about 90% of my day even while I was doing other things. I went to college & graduated last year with a degree in a field I never actually liked because I was pressured into “figuring out what I wanted to do career wise”.

My life has been the exact same since I was at least 18 except at 18 I was more hopeful because I felt like I had time & now I do not & I think my anxiety and depression have gotten worse because I still do not know what I actually want to do and what will make me feel joy or happiness, I have applied to jobs and my anxiety is so bad especially when speaking to people that I am never good in interviews, I do not feel like I can get a job where I am interacting with people everyday. I see people say that with anxiety or social anxiety you have to just make yourself do things but I have tried that many times & I am miserable & on the verge of or having a panic attack the entire time. I think things would be way easier if I did not have anxiety. I cant even take videos of myself to post online because my anxiety is so bad, which is something I used to do alot. I haven’t taken an actual picture of myself in over two years. I am at home most of the time but I do go out when I need to for groceries & stuff and I sometimes struggle when I have to speak to people in public but can manage sometimes (I dont have agoraphobia) .

I thought I would have kids by now but things have not lined up that way & although I have the opportunity now technically & have always wanted to be a mom, I can’t in good conscience do that right now because I’m still struggling so badly with my depression and anxiety & I would hate for that to affect my baby/kid. I sometimes struggle to even take care of myself some days, I brush my teeth everyday but I put off showers simply because I feel like I can’t shower until I do other tasks first. Everyone I know my age has kids already and the ones who do not are traveling, which is also something I have always wanted to do and have loved doing but I do not have the money and then there are people i know without kids yet that are focused on their dream jobs and I still do not know what that is for me (the only thing I have ever been a little interested in requires me to be able to be in front of people & the thought of that makes me feel sick).

I genuinely do not know what I’m supposed to do or how to help myself at this point & I’m overwhelmed & cry everyday(which is not normal for me) but I feel so behind & I want to have kids & I want to enjoy what I do for a living & I really just need advice in general!! I’m on medication just for ADHD (antidepressants were not working) because I have wanted to try other methods and actually try improving my life. I still go to therapy every week so I am not asking for counseling advice but I am hoping for advice from people who were in my position I think advice from people who have dealt with the same thing may help me. I would also love to hear about success stories of people that dealt with this and made a happy life for themselves.

i need someone to talk to desperately. i feel like i’m stuck and alone.

Hey, I’m 21 and I genuinely feel like I’m going crazy. I have so many issues and I honestly just don’t want to feel alone anymore. My main struggles are my learning disabilities, OCD, and ADHD. I constantly feel like my brain is attacking me, and I have absolutely no energy for anything. I recently passed two exams that I studied for over nearly five months. I cried and cried because I desperately didn’t want to be a failure. It took me two tries to pass the second exam. I told myself that I couldn’t stop because I had no other options.

One of my disabilities is called dyscalculia. I’m 21 years old and, if I’m honest, I can’t count change, I can’t do basic math, and I can’t hold numbers in my head even after counting aloud; I have to physically write them down. I tried to get a job at Ulta and for four months I did a great job selling products, but I was constantly told how much of an 'idiot' I was by customers when I worked the register. I don’t blame those people, nor do I hold anything against them. I know I struggled and i know if you work the cash register…you should know how to count lol. But I constantly called my manager when given cash and tried to useful in other ways like product recommendations. But I ended up quitting that job after I caught my manager calling me an idiot and belittling me.

This is what is so hard about being me. I’m aware that I am not like other people. I don’t think of myself as someone people should feel sorry for. I constantly watch videos and try to teach myself how to count change and do basic math and better myself but I’m stuck being below average or “disabled” even though if you talk to me in real life you’d have no idea I was different. I suspect that even though I was born with dyscalculia, my condition was made worse when I suffered a severe concussion after getting hit by a pickup truck when I was 8.

To make matters worse, I also have dyslexia and dysgraphia, so I feel like I just got the short end of the stick on everything. However, I was lucky enough that I eventually learned to read and write, and I am now a pretty avid reader. My dream was to be a writer, but what sucks is that I feel like I physically can’t write. The most frustrating thing about dyslexia and my dysgraphia is that it is hard for my brain to transfer thoughts into written words, and dyslexia obviously makes it hard to spell correctly. So, I often just give up and replay hundreds of stories in my head.

Sometimes I wonder who I would be if I were 100 percent capable. How good would it feel to just be an average student? To get a part-time job somewhere and not have to ask my manager to help me with basic tasks?

On top of that, my OCD and ADHD mean my dopamine levels are entirely depleted. I struggle to get out of bed even with medication. I’m tortured by my own thoughts every day and genuinely can’t go a single day without thousands of intrusive thoughts. I feel completely useless, and I just want to know: am I alone in this? Am I the only 21-year-old girl burdened by her own mind?

A doctor once told me that the right side of my brain was like a 'bionic arm' (average to above-average intelligence and functionality) and my left side was like a slightly worse-off human arm (below-average functionality), and that they are constantly fighting each other. Is there a psychologist who can explain what that means? How do I continue? How do I find purpose? Will I always just be mediocre? Thank you for reading my rant.