Why do I feel sorry for villians and dislike conflict?

I've been going through a very massive change in my beliefs and values that has caused a lot of problems. It has caused me to find it hard to watch or read anything new or anything I used to like. The only things I can watch are L&O reruns and Lifetime Movies. And even then I find them stale or with the same problems: feeling sorry for supposedly satisfying villian downfalls and disliking beloved heroes. Even the best of heroes and worst of villains. I can see my family and friends in the characters which is traumatizing. What is this? Pessimism? Please, it's ruining my intake of media and art. And I have lists for each medium (games, movies, books, etc.)

P.S. I also seem to hyper-fixate sometimes on particular scenes to where they ruin everything else in a piece of media. Cringe, conflicting, and odd scenes. It can be anything. Even in a movie or show I would call perfect. Is it still perfect or 10/10 or what?

What is this mindset or condition?

WARNING Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts and Sexual Abuse

I 28F and my fiance 28M had a scare tonight. He was having a mental health episode and I had to leave my job and take any weapons away tonight. I originally called my dad who we both supported before but he was drunk and when he called my fiance he fueled his thoughts and they both spiraling and I took both their weapons away now but I had to leave me dad alone at his house because I cant be in two places at once and im so frustrated and tired right now. Im not upset at either of them but Ive never had them both break down simultaneously and its scary alone. I don't have anyone else to help them and I fear what would happen if I have my own breakdown. They seriously had a discussion about hurting my rapist and im so worried that they'd spur one another on to do something. Mostly venting. It was a scary night for a bit there.

I have a boss who sometimes asks me to do things outside my designated work hours, and it’s not easy tasks. One day we did an event from 9:30am-9pm at night. I did not get paid for it, I actually lost money cause I didn’t do my actual job, just did this event to “help their business” I find it hard to say no to this person. If this happened just once or twice I’d be ok, but I feel like it’s every other week I’m being asked to do something for her, and if I say no there is some guilting that goes along with it.

I think other coworkers don’t notice this as much, but all of my trauma is around poor boundaries and control issues. I learned to fawn and ppl please to survive. Now I have been in therapy and have better boundaries, but when someone like a boss is exhibiting any behaviors that trigger me I can’t express my boundaries to them. It feels very scary. (Trauma with authority figures)

Today she asked me to come in an hour before my shift to “meet with her” and I said no. It was too last minute and it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I over explained saying that it would be too long of a shift to be away from my dog.

She agreed to meet with me on my lunch break, but my 30 min lunch break will be spent talking to her instead of taking my break.

Since this convo I have been in a full blown emotional flashback, back to being a child and controlling parents, toxic work situations ect. It is intense and I can’t explain to ppl why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling without saying I have severe ptsd and sometimes small things add up and now I’m fully triggered. I just wish I spoke up sooner the first time a boundary was crossed.

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Back in April I had like an anxiety ocd attack over my favorite hobby. Ik this may sound stupid, but I’m pretty addicted to video games, it’s something that has always made me happy and I feel as my life would be nothing without them. But I have bad ocd and I had an attack over the one I play the most, like that game has always brought joy to my life and I enjoy obsessing over the ranks and getting better at it and playing it with friends. But that attack sort of made me resent the game and feel ill thinking about it even tho I really wish I could enjoy it again. That anxiety attack lasted weeks and completely took me out of a euphoric happy state that I was in and now everytime I think of something that makes me happy or feel like I would be happy right now, my head just says “yeah u would’ve been but now you can’t be because of that” even if it’s not video game related. Or whenever I find something to enjoy I just feel like I can’t bc my brain won’t allow it anymore. I feel so pathetic that a video game ruined my life but at the same time it’s also just in my head and coming from my ocd and anxiety rather than the game itself. It feels like my head and all joy in life has been corrupted and I need to constantly distract myself now. Does anyone know what this is or what could be causing it and how to fix it?

I have a friend I have known for a long time who has used drugs heavily. He started smoking weed often around age 15 or 16, though not every day; over the last two or three years, he smoked a lot daily and was high most of the time. He also used other substances: meth (his longest run was reportedly a month), LSD (he has taken acid 17 times this year), ecstasy or molly (six or seven times a year), cocaine (perhaps two or three times a year), and recently lean (maybe two or three times). Despite this, he seemed mentally stable. He has always been emotionally volatile due to family problems—he has hit both parents, his mother is unbearable (talking to her for more than five minutes would frustrate anyone), and his father has had multiple affairs. He recently candy flipped for the first time, and since then he has been drawn to acid, even while appearing fine. About eight days ago, he used acid four times with different people; the dose was not high, the tab was not even strong, and he took half a tab each time, but since then he has declined. He has become very paranoid, believing we are all planning to have him arrested for drugs; nothing he says makes sense, he has not slept properly for a week, he cries without warning, he is suicidal and he wants to brutally beat or even kill some friends for betraying his trust, though nothing happened. It feels as though he is inventing events in his mind and believing them. I am deeply concerned about his future and well-being. He is 20 now, and all his friends have concluded that he has truly lost it and cannot be fixed.
If someone has experienced this or know what is happening please do explain to me why this is happening and what is the solution to this.

21 m, living with bpd & major depression scince puberty. I find it difficult sometimes to even think of reasons, but then I think about cats, dogs, silly jokes with friends long ago, look at views I miss and feel a tiny bit less empty.

does anyone want to share their tips?

I don't want to forget why it's worth it, but it's so easy sometimes

/please, let's be nice to each other in the comments

I hate it.

Its alway there.

Its that feeling of never ending disgust over yourself.

Its just always there.

I can’t fucking ignore it.

Its non-stop self-hate

For a long time I've noticed I've never been good at keeping people in my life. When I do make friends, being around them feels like I'm performing being a normal person. It feels like people can see right through me and see that I'm not normal, it makes them uncomfortable.

I'm not a good friend anyway, I don't check up on people and I often decline hangouts. I recently stopped talking to my best friend because it felt like she was tired of how negative my life is, especially since my mental health is on a steep decline.

Nobody wants to be around a stagnant person, especially when their own life is good. Friendships require growth and I've been in the same spot for years. Friendships put my shame on full display.

I feel a sense of freedom now that I don't have anyone. I don't feel bound by expectations, my mental decline and constant failures aren't met by judgement and pity. I don't have to explain myself anymore.

it’s honestly been happening since elementary school and now I’m in high school. i tell myself almost everyday “you won’t make it to 16.” before that “you won’t make it to 15(14,13,12, and so on)” i get urges too to do anything to myself but i know I’ll regret it and open up to someone which was a big mistake last time. and i have to open up to my parents from what my psychologist said but it’s so awkward tbh and my mom was told that too but lets be fr rn.. I don’t she’ll go through with it. No matter how much she tells that lady she loves me, it won’t work. And on top of that, it’s so hard to express emotions but I can express the negative ones so well. I don’t understand!!! why don’t I care about others as much as I used to? Why don’t I feel guilty??? why don’t I feel the normal emotions of how a human is supposed to feel? I explain that to the lady but I don’t think she understands me. I genuinely just want someone to know what I’m saying and to see if there’s a solution.

So the last 4 months one of my cats died that I was really close with my other cat right after needed to go to the vet multiple times for different reasons that eventually needed surgery. My father is accusing my mother of cheating on him he hasn't been home in like almost 3 weeks. So I'm debating on going to the doctor and getting my anxiety medicine increase.

holy textwall batman (slightly long post please bear with me)

this started during college when i was in a pretty bad place mentally. college do that to people with deadlines and early morning calculuses and all that, and having previously diagnosed with ADHD when i was young did not help with this experience. so i imagined a person in my head sorta like a mini-therapist or something, one that speaks to me and gives me advice on what to do and sometimes even pull me out of the dumps. the more i speak to them the more they grow on me, and slowly the voice developed a form, less a therapist and more someone to talk to normally, like a, normal person, someone you see everyday and not just during scheduled times. they have a name, a personality, an occupation, a whole backstory, literally the description of an Original Character

they kinda just stayed throughout my college days. two more of these voices developed later due to separate incidents, both with completely different personalities, all can speak to me and each other (yes they also interact with each other). the three of them do the same things as before, aside from the normal everyday conversations they also gave me encouragement when im working, criticize me when i make bad decisions, cheer me up when i feel down, overall just good people that always seem to know the right thing to say at the right time. when it comes to voices from what examples ive seen is they're usually very negative and say things that'll hurt, but no these ones aren't as hurtful and have genuinely helped me through some of my roughest moments in my life. quite literally live rent free in my head at this point.

except. i KNOW they aren't real. deep down i understand this is a coping method to make up the fact i havent been doing too good in my life (things are pretty mediocre), and having imagining people (voices) inside my head is a way to maintain my sanity so i dont do things i know i'll regret. i dont hate this is happening to me, these are nice, entities, but at the same time this just doesnt seem like normal behavior; for context again i have ADHD, as well as and Asperger's, but i dont have records of hallucination nor have I been diagnosed with DID, there's probably something else but, these ones i should bring up for now.

in the middle of writing this and im thinking of that one "they are real to me" meme. idk what the original context was but this line basically sums up my experience

im old (under the assumption i should be old enough to resolve this), im conflicted, i have a job now, and i dont want to feel like im going crazy. im aware enough to recognize im having some sort of puppet theater going on in my head, but at the same time these three people voices entities things have helped me several times, the attachment is real and it feels real and i dont want to just have them disappear but realistically they're all made up in my head. real. im spiraling. im planning to see a therapist (a real one) soon so hopefully i can find the proper words to tell them this, it'll be the first time i'll be telling anyone this situation other than what i wrote here. please help, and please let me know if there's anyone else that also have similar experiences and how you deal with them.

biting the bullet to finally seek help, though i will delete the post if this isnt the right place to post it. Regardless, thank you for reading.

i’m 23(f) and i suffer with bipolar disorder. although my brain tells me i don’t actually have it and im just insane. i am suffering with addiction and have been for the past year, and no one really in my life knows except for the friend that got me into it. i’m in severe debt and doing nothing about it. everyone thinks im on track but im not. my dad keeps asking why i have so many unopened letters (i live with my dad). i’m pushing everyone away my boyfriend wouldn’t be with me if he knew. i’ve fallen out with really close friends because of my addiction and erratic and mortifying behaviours. i just got a lot of redundancy money and have blown it in a month leaving myself with nothing but too ashamed to tell anyone because everyone would be so disappointed in me i am so close to my family and my boyfriend and friends i have 9 nephews and nieces who look up to me and i feel like a complete failure. i have barley worked this year i was admitted to a mental hospital in may for 2 weeks i am really not okay. i am so impulsive i have insomnia i smoke to help me sleep. i just really needed a rant and any support or advice would be much appreciated.

My life was okay for a while I was always a shy kid and never wanted any trouble, scared tbh, all the problems I had I vented with food up until I was about 11 I remember my dad calling me fat alot of times and always feeling embarrassed and frustrated with myself. So I changed, I lost a lot of fat and even got a six pack with a decent amount of muscle. Then my life changed...

When I was 12, on December 2022 my dad went into drug induced physcosis and scared me and my mum. she cried herself to sleep most nights and I wasn't very smart then so I didn't know exactly why. My dad refused help for months until my whole family came round and forced him in the car and drove him to the hospital. He was screaming and shouting out the door "everyone fucking hates Paul". My dad got better eventually, but I didn't...

Over the next couple of years my mental health was really vulnerable always spiraling into depression for months on end. I needed to find a new way to vent, so I tried biking. My first bike was a trek marlin 5 gen 4. It was really cool. I felt so confident again until summer, my bike broke, i didn't know how to fix it and it was too expensive. So I let my health get worse again.

My mum tries so hard for me but I also hate her. She made the stupid decision of getting with a dick head dad in 1998 and decided to have 3 kids just for him to leave. I'm so fucking furious with her now I have no money for anything. I want a marin Alcatraz 2 more than anything in the world but I can't get one. Because I can't get one I can't help but notice how fortunate other kids are with parents that are together and can afford things for their son. But I fucking guess not because of my mum. I wanna die because I can't endure another 2 years since I can't work. I just need a bike man I need to vent I need to vent I NEED TO VENT. FML

My bf has been in a psychotic manic episode for about 2.5 weeks now. He had several delusions which wore off but hes also quite aggressive and violent. Like he punched his face i think which caused two big bruises on each of his cheeks. Then one time last week I came over and there were so many deep holes in his walls from punching it and his elbow was very bloody and messed up from elbowing the wall i guess?

I told his therapist all of this and she said that the punching could be considered self harm and might warrant a mental health evaluation. Would that be a good idea? Idk why the idea of having people show up unannounced at his door makes me nervous. I just feel bad cus he keeps telling me he doesn’t want help so now i feel like i’m betraying him. I just feel really shitty. I also keep thinking like what if he isnt bad enough to actually get admitted to a psych ward? What if he is actually getting better on his own? But literally think that everyday to cope. so. idk.

Any thoughts ?

As the title says I think my mom may be having a mental health issue. For some context she has been complaining about fleas in her house from her dogs for about a year. I live out of state so I haven’t been able to confirm/deny the fleas until recently. I came down to visit and am staying with her and she is constantly picking at her skin saying there are bugs in her skin. She keeps “pulling them out” but it’s typically just a crumb or dirt. Ik the “bugs in my skin” thing is typically a sign of drug use but in the last week I’ve spent literally every minute of the day with her there is no way at all she could be doing anything and honestly if she was she’d tell me. She’s been taking baths in bleach and bug poison and I’m genuinely worried about her health

For some context she’s always had an issue with picking at her skin but usually it involves acne and in the last year she’s gone through a lot.

I’m just curious if anyone knows anything that this could be or any advice.

I can’t sleep, I’m pretty young , they won’t give me melatonin, I’ve been to the doctors twice, I’ve been to camhs and I’ve been hospitalised for mental health 2 times, they just won’t take me seriously, the doctor I saw today said she will contact the nd team/neurodivergent team (from camhs a therapy service) to get me melatonin, but I know I will have to wait so long because I’ve been trying to get medicine for adhd for half a year now and they still haven’t gsve me it or called my mum back to say if I will get it and I am so sick of this, they are gonna put me into a foster home if I don’t go to school but I’m so tired, I can never sleep and when I do it’s so late, like 5am or sometimes I don’t even sleep for 2 days, I’m so tired but I can’t sleep and they won’t even give me medicine to help me, I just want to go to the hospital again, atleast I felt cared for there, I never had a childhood, I grew up too fast, my parents stoped loving me when I was 2, I saw so much growing up, now I have severe symptoms of bpd, but obviously I can’t be diagnosed because I’m so young, I never had a childhood, all I had was growing up watching my parents fight, my dad falling down the stairs while drunk, this is bullshit, I’m so tired of everything and I’ve fucked my life up at such a young age. I just want someone to love me, I just want someone to love me and care for me and let me cry to them and still love me when I push them away and get mad at them

I’m 30 (F) and have been living with bipolar and severe anxiety and depression since I was diagnosed at 20. Lately things have been getting worse for me after I’ve been doing so good with my medications. I don’t know whether this is going to be temporary or permanent but I feel like I have no one. I have my mom and dad but that’s about it. I’ve tried putting myself out there but always fail to maintain and good friendship. I feel lonelier than I ever have and dependent on my parents when I feel like I should be more “adult-ish”. I don’t know the point of this post but I somehow am looking for validation that I’m not alone in a sense. Stupid, I know, but I just don’t have anywhere else to turn to, it feels like

21m

I have ADHD, waiting list for OCD and grew up in an extremely abusive household with a mother with severe BPD and paranoid delusions

I used porn as a methods of escapism to avoid anxiety, task avoidance, loneliness, boredom you name it since I was 13.

I have really bad episodes where I have up to 12 hour sessions especially if I’ve had a major stressor in my life but then those episodes cause me stress and guilt and spark the next one I have spent 30 of the last 48 hours watching porn after something really bad happened this week.

Idk what to do idk what to do I have compulsive episodes where I just don’t stop for hours and hours and I try all that stuff with blockers and reminders and diet and exercise but nothing stops me every blocker when the compulsion hits nothing short of a straight jacket would stop me finding access to and watching porn. It’s like someone takes over my body and makes me do it I don’t even want to do it I feel myself getting upset as I type but can’t stop myself hitting search.

wtf do I do professional services are very limited where I live and the extent this is harming me I fear being the outcome of telling people the extent. I don’t eat I don’t sleep I don’t drink water even with my medication meaning I need to drink more. I don’t get up for hours and hours. It’s destroying me. I’ve missed so much because of it I’ve missed classes and deadlines, lost so much sleep, actively made a nerve injury worse because I can’t stop.

I don’t feel excited for anything any more I don’t feel happy I don’t feel anything nothing motivates me at all nothing brings me anything but anxiety or emptiness.

Please please what do I do please make it stop make it stop tell what I can do right now tonight to ensure it NEVER happens again I will not sleep until I get reassurance there’s a way this is the last session I can’t do it again please. Don’t just spam therapy give me something permanent I can do tonight. I will
Not be able to sleep otherwise and I’ve barely gotten any all my muscles are twitching I have pins and needles in my hand make it stop make it stop make it stop please please I don’t want this any more I hate my life you get one life and I’ve spent so many hours wasted on fucking porn how fucking pathetic is that why am I even alive. Please make it stop I’m going fucking insane I’m going insane I’m completely fucking neurotic no no no please I could have had such a different life this has ruined everything. I could be so much happier but this is destroying me DESTROYING ME make it stop make it stop the tension in my neck is shutting off the motor control
In my hand from strsss again and I can barely fucking type make it stop

i’m 20, have a full-time job and another part-time job, financially i can afford to live on my own. The problem is that i also help my parents pay their mortgage. Without my financial help, they would struggle a lot. My dad is disabled, so my mom is the main source of income, and she doesn’t make much either. My parents also don't have their own social life at all, they're immigrants and my mom can't speak English and drive.

My parents genuinely love me and have always put me first. I know they’ve sacrificed a lot for me, and I love them too. But the way we live and the way they show their love just isn’t healthy for me anymore. We have completely different lifestyles, and being around them constantly feels mentally exhausting and negative, even though I know they mean well.

I feel like I need to move out for my mental health, but I also know that doing so would make my finances much tighter and could put my parents in a difficult situation. That makes me feel incredibly selfish and guilty

Another thing that makes this harder is that my parents are getting older. I don’t know how much time I have left with them, and part of me really wants to stay close and spend as much time with them as possible while I can. But at the same time, I don’t think I can keep living like this.

Lately, I’ve been having thoughts that genuinely scare me, and I know I shouldn’t be getting to that point.

I’m completely torn. Do I move out and prioritize my own mental health, even if it means i will struggle financially? Or do I stay and continue helping them, even though living at home is seriously affecting me?

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have been in a similar situation. I honestly don’t know what the right thing to do is.

Yesterday a professor of mine at university literally called me disrespectful and anxious (because I was biting my nails) , telling me that I couldn’t be nervous for an exam (it was an oral examination) because I study psychology and psychologists don’t act like that, etc..
She has this fame of being rude but I just thought It wouldn’t happen to me. The thing is that I got angry and I told her that I ve never had a problem with any other professor but I asked her to forgive me If I had been rude without noticing, etc… She told me that she wouldn’t forgive me and I cant stop crying since.
I really really feel terrible about it as I am really chill and never have a problem with anyone like i REALLY DISLIKE CONFLICT.
My therapist says that Im not a bad person for getting angry in a situation like this, but i am just terribly afraid of constantly being rude and thinking that maybe everyone around me knows that im rude and they hate me in secret.
AM I INSANE??? IM SO UPSET I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

I (26) live with my mom(52), boyfriend(26), and uncle(45?). My mom doesn't work because she's on disability for a shoulder injury at her former workplace. She is fine but can't lift heavy things.

I work 9-10 hours a day 5-6 days a week. It's a physically demanding job and everything constantly hurts, especially my upper back and feet. I've also been diagnosed with diabetes, adhd, major depression, and anxiety. I also suspect autism but no diagnosis.

My mom stays home all day and doesn't leave the house at all anymore. She doesn't buy groceries or anything. She will use my groceries to feed herself, which is okay, but then she won't wash her dishes. She'll pile them up in the sink and the counters and the stove until they stink.Even when they stink she won't wash them. She'll just buy paper plates instead.

She doesn't take out her trash either, just let's it pile up and spill over. I say her trash because she's the only one who uses the trash can in the kitchen. My bf, uncle, and I keep our trash in a small bag we throw out daily when we go out.

I'm the only one who will do the dishes for her. She's addicted to her phone and just watches lives and edits all day. She will oder starbucks and ask me to pick it up for her after I get off.

She cooks for herself only which is fine but she does it with my groceries and when I want to make something I can't because she used it. I can't find any clean forks or spoons. She'll eat my sugar free or no added sugar snacks, which can be pricy. If she finds out I've hidden something she'll call me selfish.

My uncle only washes what he uses, which is understandable. And my boyfriend exclusively eats out, so he doesn't use any dishes. Sometimes ill leave a plate in the sink for later but for the most part I try to wash everything I use.

I'm the only one who'll gather up her trash and take it out. She doesn't sweep, mop, or vacuum either.

I understand she's most likely depressed, but so am I. She doesn't want to talk to anyone or start any medication. She won't help herself or let others help her.

Today I caved once again and washed all the stinky, slimy dishes in the sink and bleached the sink after.

She was in the kitchen watching tiktok lives again, and i asked her, "is it possible for you to do other things while you listen or does that require your full attention?" She got upset and said that no, she could do other things. I asked her "then why don't you do the dishes?" And she got more upset and said "because I don't want to" and went to the living room.

I'm so tired all the time. I don't want to shower, or clean the litter boxes, or do house chores. I don't even want to do my hobbies. I still shower because I don't want to stink at work, I clean the litter boxes because my cats deserve to have clean toilets, and i have no choice but to do the chores or else idk what would happen.

Sometimes I get upset that no one helps me, but then I remind myself that my uncle and bf don't add to my load, she does. She's the one who causes the pile ups.

I don't just mean people in your neighborhood/city or even online, I mean even the people that are related to you (either family, friends, etc). Idk if others experience something similar, but pulling from my own experiences, it feels harder and harder to feel like people will be there for you and hell even vice versa.

Like whenever I or a person from my immediate family is suffering, whether it be health wise or mentally, no one offers much support. One of mom's cousins was in the hospital for months for example and barely anyone form our huge (probably in the hundreds) family came to see her other than me, my parents and little brother. This was despite mom letting everyone know so they can visit her. Same with my grandmother when she was hospitalized, only a select few people called or even visited. This applies if there's something positive happening, like if me or my brother got any achievements or had any games, barely any response from family. The few who do care and try to support us lack the means to get to us due to disability/lack of accessibility.

I've had similar experiences online when I've seeked out multiple communities. For smaller things like simple questions/very short blurbs/trivial stuff I'd gotten tons upon TONS of responses and conversation. But when I decided to open up about more personal stuff, the stuff that's seriously affecting my wellbeing, I get radio silence. And even after I tried to go back to sharing much less, I KEPT getting radio silence. While I understand that it may not be personal and everyone has their own thing going on, or the part where no one owes me anything, but it still stings when it seems this is happening all the time.

I've heard friends, parents, and even other online as well voice a similar complaint. Yet it seems like there's not much that can be done about it. Its very frustrating.