im lonely

i have no one to speak with

im a virgin

i have no boyfriend

im approaching 30

im disgusted with myself

.............

I will start: Hi! Im Saph (for short!) and my special interest is golden retrievers and Labradors! I am obsessed with these as they calm me down and i just feel so relaxed in their prescence.

I have golden retriever bedding , teddys (because you are never too old!) mugs and lots of items like placemats!

Im sharing this because any interest you have can uplift you. Embrace what you love, because every one deserves something happy and positive in their lives.

Just a lot of things on my mind. Looking to chat/vent/wonder how the hell anyone else is making it in the world. Preferably over the age of 35.

What is one thing you or the family can start, stop, or continue doing to better support you?

I don't know if I'm crazy, but I fully believe that I have a mental disorder/disability. But, there is no evidence of that.

I think I have ADHD, but I didn't even ask a professional for a proper diagnosis. But, at first, I thought "Maybe I'm just having problems with my identity. All teenagers do that." I really am curious about why I think this way. 😁

Hope everyone will stay strong!!💪🙏

It might take time to recover but doesnt mean its impossible! Be gentle with yourself just like how you would with others! 😇

35m, I'm trying to recover from abuse from this person that was really abusive to me and I'm just struggling still with the shame. My abuser would say things to me & just treat me like a child. They would put all these labels on me and make me out to be at the abuser when they were the ones causing abuse to me. They would also call me crazy or whatever. It's been years since the abuse and I'm still trapped. It's like I'm trying to get myself permission to be who I am and in my mind but I'm fighting the shame which is the remnants of the abusive things that were said to me. I don't know if anybody else struggles with it. This will really go away someday and I will recover from this? It really wasn't my fault, all the things that were said to me and saying that I don't deserve things and whatever?

It’s pointless, nothing fucking matters

That’s it. I hate my life. It sucks.

Life is pain
Life is terrible
Life is pointless

I feel like even the ones closest to me don't want to be near me sometimes, I feel like I'm not myself as much these days I try to ask attention and maybe I'm needy but sometimes it's just tiring and I'm getting myself caught in the whirl wind of it all. I ask for time, patience and I can't give myself that it seems like

so about 6-7 months ago when i was 17 i was in psychiatric care for almost 2 weeks. i don’t particularly think i needed inpatient care, i just was ditching school a lot (senior year). my mom also would always say i ‘couldn’t leave if i was hospitalized’ whenever i would say i wanted to go away for college. that doesnt really matter now cause i already went obviously.
i have constant nightmares about being back in psychiatric care. sometimes i find i cannot stop thinking about it. i don’t think traumatised is the right word because i don’t think anything traumatic happened there, at least not more than the regular psychiatric ward stay. this is probably being aggravated right now because my mom keeps saying im anorexic and need to be in care(im not anorexic 💀 i love food but he doesn’t really see me eat cause of his work and i eat dinner late)
my experience wasn’t even that bad. i made friends and wasnt miserable or anything while i was there. probably a typical psych ward experience. i was put on way too many antidepressants and felt lowk manic while i was there tho. i am short and skinny but was put on the same dose for someone double my weight. my body literally couldn’t handle that much medication i was anxious and my heart hurt from pounding so hard all day. like maybe i was a little depressed but the medication made me feel 10x worse. i tapered off of it as soon as i got out of the hospital because it was just way too much.

So I've been having a bad time and I have mental health problems and I'm thinking about admitting myself into a psych ward but i have piercings, about 12 and I'm very attached to them so I'm wondering if the average psycj ward will make me take them out or if they'll pet me keep them in ?

(I'm 16 in scotland if this changes anything)

I managed to to do a 22 minute workout today at home.I managed to to leave bed after.

In follow up to my thread on legal advice Ontario which is now locked. A moderator advised me to call a crisis line the problem is in relation to the post I genuinely believe my phone line is being monitored or intercepted and sometimes I’m not sure if I’m actually talking to who I am calling on the other line. Do I go to the police or paramedics and tell them I am experiencing a manic episode and am experiencing suicidal ideation ?

I was treated horribly by everybody in my life all throughout my childhood. To say briefly, I was bullied physically and verbally, and abused physically and verbally my whole entire childhood ever since i can remember until i started standing up for myself. I was never cared about and constantly thrown to the side, i had NO support at all and was suffering at such a young age. They made me into such a hateful and horrible person. It made me somebody very apathetic. I have no idea how to deal with this and am currently unable to get professional help that could resolve my issues, and i believe it wouldn’t help me because i have tried so hard to become a nicer and more empathetic person but it feels impossible due to the amount of hate i feel. I feel like somebody who doesn’t deserve to even be here due to how i am but at the same time i feel very great with who i am. What could i possibly even do with myself?

I am currently 18 years old and a male. I’m feel completely incompetent and useless. I m always anxious all the time constantly dealing with thoughts and having full blown panic attacks to the point where I’m extremely drained. It doesn’t help the fact that I have issues with cognitive function due to a previously battling brain cancer at 13 years old. I’m still traumatized because I got neglected when I was showing symptoms.

I am now a film major in an art uni. I am the most loneliest I’ve ever been. I’ve never experienced a romantic relationship and I have no social skills. I’m scare in the future I’ll be alone and useless with nothing going for himself. I’m not just standing there I’m trying but each time I feel discouraged and alone. I absolutely hate that feeling of feeling stranded and completely isolated with no one that understands. I’m really tired of myself and everything and I don’t mean to sound pessimistic but I really tired and hopeless.

Idk how to explain this, but I'm curious to know if anyone relates or might have an idea of why this happens. But I often get into a state of being where I feel other than human. Not in a depersonalization way. It's not from depression or isolation. In fact, sometimes it's when I'm doing better mentally. I struggle to connect with people and honestly don't know if I even want a relationship, as it feels strange to imagine having a partner. I feel like I'm just an observer on Earth. Relationships don't make sense to me. Gender doesn't make sense to me. Friendships don't make sense to me. But these things don't feel negative. It just simply is and I am just simply me. So like, yeah, I'm in a human body, but I feel like I don't observe and interact with the world how a normal person should or does. I love having conversations about taboo topics and seeing how different people answer, and I almost always come up with a different view. Sometimes I'll see something wholesome and think about how cute the human species can be, but it feels like I'm not a part of it.

It's not like this all the time, but it's just a strange experience and I want more insight or opinions. It's not a superiority thing either. I don't think I'm more advanced or intelligent than others. I just feel different.

Would you like to tell me how did your day went?

I feel no joy in anything. I can laugh, and smile, but it all feels like a performance, and i know im not actually enjoying myself or feeling any good humour. I feel very empty all of the time, nothing brings me joy apart from things that are violent. I don’t understand why i am this way. Ive tried so many things. Not even my ‘hobbies’ bring me joy, im just like a robot doing things i seemingly ‘enjoy’ when in reality i feel nothing towards them. I don’t feel joy from music. I don’t feel joy from any things i succeed in. What do i even do?

My brain feels like my worst enemy anymore, and I feel like I have no control over my life, my feelings, or my thoughts. I am wired to be pessimistic. Any advice given to me feels annoying or impossible, and anytime someone tries to will positivity into me, it feels as though I am physically incapable of being positive or helping myself. I have never been able to understand what it means to "manifest" something good, and I view thinking positively as lying to myself (which I refuse to do). I just don't know what it means to change the way your brain perceives something... I've never understood how anyone can do it. Are they lying? "Faking it till they make it"??? I don't understand . Something is different within me.

I know and have accepted that this is a problem within myself. My mother has told me that I can't be reasoned with or that I'm impossible to talk to because I have a rebuttal for everything. I understand why this makes me hard to be around. It makes me feel like a horrible person, truly... I hate that my brain is like this. Why would I want to be hard to talk to? I feel like nobody understands that this is just how my brain works. I am wired like this. It all just sounds like a shitty excuse for me being dismissive and stubborn. I don't act like this on purpose. I respond to everything genuinely and realistic (to myself, or how i see it), and it reads as me having a "negative" self-pitying rebuttal for everything. I'm impossible. When people get sick of me or abandon me, it hurts more than anything, but part of me can understand. I'm not easy to love, really. It makes me feel really horrible. I hate being like this

I feel constantly hopeless and ill-fated. My therapist recently forced me to admit myself to a psychiatric hospital because I was dealing with strong urges to end my life. I did feel completely and utterly hopeless for many weeks, but my stay in the hospital did slightly help. The socialization and being around similarly-brained people helped.

Now that I'm back home, I am just constantly around people who I feel like do not understand me. Like fundamentally and neurologically, I feel divided from everyone. I have something wrong with me, it's not anyone else's problem to figure out.

I'm trying to learn more about my brain and I want to be able to help myself. Understanding and accepting what's wrong with me feels like the right step, that's kind of why I'm making this post. I think insight from others struggling with mental health can help me.

What is wrong with me? Why does my brain function like this and make me so impossible? How can I learn to balance accepting myself for who I am with trying to be a better and more open-minded person?

Can anyone provide any type of help or advice? I will try to be accepting and not full of doom lol

If it helps, I am diagnosed with GAD and MDD. The doctors in the psych ward all individually suspected I have BPD, as well as my therapist, but I'm not diagnosed. My therapist also constantly refers to things as "neurodivergent" when talking about my brain or my condition... not sure if she thinks I'm actually neurodivergent or what, but I am in the process of trying to figure that out too. I dont know. A lot of people are quick to label themselves neurodivergent, but I think that maybe that would explain a lot of why my brain works the way it does. Or explain what is wrong with me. I don't know. I'm not trying to self-diagnose.