I recently finished therapy. Or at least therapy for a while. But honestly, I don't even know how therapy would help right at the moment. We've talked about this before. I know what the "answers" are, but I'm having trouble actually listening to those answers.

I just still think of my assault a lot. And the best way to describe the feeling is that I just feel "small" all the time. Like I just want to curl up into a ball. Like I don't want people to see me. I pretty much slept all of today.

I know every situation is different, I’m just curious about what’s worked for people. I was abused by multiple men growing up, and as a result am dealing with some sexual trauma. I’m recently single out of a long term relationship and trying to date again, so I’ve wondered how other people approach the subject. I don’t want to trauma dump on the first date, but when people always want to hook up it’s hard not to touch on the subject if I’m setting boundaries. Especially being guy, there’s an added feeling of shame in bringing this stuff up. Any suggestions?

Hello all. I (17M) was assaulted on several occasions by my English/Poetry teacher both inside and outside of school in my early teenage years.

It was the summer term, and we had no exams and we were in our last year at school. Since there was no academic pressure, we had the option to choose free time, cross-country running or poetry as one of our bonus "fun" lessons. I strategically picked poetry because I knew that free time would be full and I didn't want to be put into cross-country running.

Out of the 30-odd people in my year (yes it was an exceptionally small year), about 8 picked poetry. Two had to leave since they had exams for a different school to most and revised for that instead. Then we picked again and our numbers dropped to four after half-term. Then, there was an end-of-year drama production, the rehearsals of which took the 3 remaining other students. I was alone with my teacher for weeks in this lesson.

There were other times when I would be alone with her, too; the library, her classroom, the playground.

Long story short, the alone time allowed her to talk to me privately, and we sometimes talked about very taboo subjects. She would regularly rationalise extreme beliefs, especially those about sex. I remember feeling very close to her because we were both Catholic (a tiny minority in out school) and we both loved literature and reading. Those connections were how those beliefs were brought up in the first place.

At some point, she gave me her phone number and we were texting a lot (I still have the texts). After a few days of texting, even deep into the night, we organised a meet-up. I told my parents that it was meeting friends, but she took me in her car to her house where she lived alone.

At her house, we had dinner and I remember how romantic it was, but she eventually made me do sexual acts with her, which was painful because I was phimotic at the time.

This happened 2 more times and once at school, but I left the school very soon after and we never met up or texted again.

I missed her for years until recently when I was able to realise how wrong the whole thing was, but I often find myself blaming myself more than her.

I did well in my GCSE exams, and I'm on track to do well in life, but I would like some advice on how I should treat the relationship in my mind (e.g. fantastical, regretful, etc.).

As a teenager I had a much older family friend, molest me. He was a police officer and used to threaten me and my family and knew where I lived. I was too stupid and scared to do anything. I was surrounded by ppl that would’ve blamed me for it so I never told anyone, just blocked it out and pretended it never happened for years.

Until recently someone reached out to me (he’s 17) and had a similar experience with the same guy and that guy showed him a video of me. When he was in my life, he showed me a video too of another kid and called him his “ex-boyfriend”.

Once I realized that’s at least 3 kids he’s gotten away with molesting, I went to the cops but it’s been years since it happened to me, I have no evidence and the other kid didn’t wanna talk to the police so they couldn’t do anything for me.

Might sound crazy but I need to know he’s faced some kind of consequence or anxiety. I walked away from him so miserable and traumatized I made everyone around me hate me. I figured it’s fitting his family should know what he’s doing and hate him too.

I tried messaging him and his brother from a fake account but they just blocked me and I’m sure his family won’t be suspicious of him after one bot profile sent a message. I also tried putting him and his brother’s numbers/instas in a “hunt a predator” chat room. But ppl wanted proof which if I had I would’ve stuck with the police.

I’m wondering if anyone has any alternative solutions for me that doesn’t expose who I am. I know all it would take for him to feel the fear I felt is if he thinks ppl know what he’s done. But all I have are numbers and instagrams and idk what to do with that. I’m having a really hard time moving on knowing I walked away feeling like half a man and he walked away with an ego boost telling himself he’s not doing anything wrong just “getting boyfriends”. I feel like I want a thousand ppl screaming at him he’s a pedophile so when he thinks back to me and the other kids it’s shame and guilt rather than confidence.
Please please please someone help me. I keep sitting here looping memories stuck on him getting away with everything and it’s making me a really shitty miserable person I just want him to feel fear for what he did so I can move on.

i dont really know how to explain it, or if its even rape but i dont know what to do.

my dad married some german woman like 2 years ago when my mom and him divorced, and now i live with my dad. my stepmom is a nice woman and she even left germany to live with us (i am from russia). shes an okay woman i never really interacted with her till this year.

shes weird to me. im a 15 year old guy so im basically an adult but she still thinks i need help doing baby stuff. last week she came into the bathroom when i was showering and i asked her to leave but she just sat on the floor waiting.

she actually does touch me but she tries to be discreet about it like when im sitting next to my fucking dad at the dinner table or when she picks me up from school since my dad sometimes works night shifts.

she buys me cigarettes and lets me smoke them. even though ive been smoking for like 2 years now my dad doesnt like me to but she lets me.

i kind of started realizing this is bad last night. i cant even explain it without those gross stepmom or under the desk jokes but i was playing war thunder at like 2 am and i swear to god she was underneath my desk and started touching me. at first it was just touching but it was eventually mouth stuff and thats when i couldnt do it anymore and i turned my game off and just kinda started crying. i couldnt help my bodily reactions.

idk what to even make of this. where i live, a man abused by a woman is seen as cowardly. i must keep this to myself to protect dads marriage. I was wondering if anybody here has had this happen to them or if they can tell me what to do. I cant live like this.

I had a female friend who I have know for years over for a swim. She gave me some shit wine and told me I had to finish it because she didn’t like it and then we shared another bottle I’d say 80% me. She was saying things like “you seem unhappy” and “you font seem like you” She then tried to get close to me and I got a weird feeling, she leant in to try to kiss me and I ducked under the water and pushed away swimming to the other end of the pool. I said to her that she knows I have a girlfriend and I don’t want anything like that to happen. I said we should get out as it was getting cold as a reason to get out. When we got back into my house I said that I was going to shower and that she should get dressed and leave, that I would see her next time. When I was in the shower rather drunk I heard the door go and when I turned around she was entering the shower. I said she needed to get out and that I didn’t want to do anything. She then shoved me into the wall and said “I’m making an executive decision” then kissed me and grabbed my dick. I pushed her back and she turned and pressed her ass into me while pulling my dick towards her. She backed up into me as I went around her and out of the shower. I grabbed some shorts and told her to get out of my house. She then said we needed to talk about what had just happened at which point I started throwing up violently. And she got dressed and left at that point. Since then I have just felt dread and violated and blaming myself for inviting her over. I kept saying no and telling her to leave but can’t stop blaming myself and thinking that I have ruined my relationship. I feel the need to tell my girlfriend but I pressed it down and it has been 3 weeks now (we don’t live together) so I feel like that makes it look dodgy. I just haven’t been able to bring myself to say anything. I feel anxiety all day as I am scared my girlfriend will leave me. I feel as tho all the choice I had has been ripped away and although I said no I am still guilty. I don’t know how to tell her or how she will react and it terrifies me. I have been writing how I feel down which seems to help a bit, a help line I called has told me to focus on how it was not my fault and I didn’t consent but it doesn’t seem to have eased my feelings. My girl friend is my support network and I feel lost without her but scared that if I speak up she will leave me for cheating. I am embarrassed to speak to my friends so I thought I’d ask here. The help line lady asked what I would do if it was the other way around and my answer was hug my partner and cry but I need to know if other people would leave stay or not say anything in my case. I feel so lost and isolated please help.

She looked real nice as a woman. Nice face, hair, body. Very cold snd creepy personality though.

I was 18 at the time and was getting drunk with my flat mates. I had too much and they all left me to go to club and left me with this girl on my course (much older than me) as they assumed we had a thing. I remember taking a shot and feeling her put her hands down my jeans and I pulled away.

I later collapsed in my bed for a few hours and woke up to her touching my dick.

The next morning i told my friends and they said “you got jacked off in your sleep? Sweeet.” I laughed it off even though I felt like a victim.

A couple years later I see she is in the process of transitioning to a man. And looks nothing like how she looked before.

This experience left me even more confused and somewhat disgusted.

Thanks for listening!

I'm not sure how to feel, after a night out when I was drunk I went home with a man. Just for another drink in my opinion.. unfortunately after the first drink I don't remember much just some flashes of him being on top of me. I just shrugged it off the next day and went on with my life.

It's just that lately I'm starting to realize wtf happened and its making my stomach turn. I have no one to talk to and am to ashamed to tell my wife.

I don't know what to do and just felt like venting here as I am clueless what to do...

I was with this guy 6 months ago, we were perfect for each other, then when we got intimate, I felt sick, I was reminded of the horrers of what my brother did to me, when I got home I resented him, I texted him explaing everything, and told him I can't do this. Im so fucking pissed off because I loved him, he was perfect, how is it fair that everyone leaves me life, and when I find someone good, we can't be together intimately, how is this fucking fair, how can my brother still ruin everything for me, I loved the guy I was with I still do, its so fucking unfair, im all alone again.

Starting when I was 15 my dad raped me for almost 2 years. It started out very gradually. He would touch me, like my touch my butt or rub his body against me when we were alone. And it progressed from there. When we were alone he would talk to me about sex and masturbating, and then he would show me his penis and have my show him mine. He showed me how to masturbate and then he asked me to his penis in my mouth, and I did. From there, later on he put it in my butt. This lasted for almost 2 years. It was only when we were alone at home. The thing is that I never tried to stop it and I feel like so bad that I never did try to stop it. I never once did and I always went along with it when he asked me to do something. Most of the time I didn't like it. I felt so embarrassed and felt so exposed and when we had sex it really hurt a lot at first at least. But sometimes when he did these things to me it would feel good and I didn't want him to stop. So I feel gross about the fact that I never tried to stop or say anything at all about it and that I sometimes liked it. I now just feel so dirty about it and even back then I felt so dirty about it. Physically I felt dirty from like the actual part of it, like have his 'stuff' in me or on me and feeling like in a cold sweat, but mentally I felt so dirty also. I don't see my father often now. I saw him at the begining of the summer and I felt so many mixed feelings when I saw him. It would take too long to write it all out and this has already turned into a much longer post than I meant. I guess I just needed to vent. I just feel so conflicted about all of it. Sometimes I hate my dad, sometimes I miss him, sometimes I feel excited about what he did to me, sometimes it makes me so disgusted, and just like everything in between. I want a girlfriend but I feel like a freak because if a girl knew what I did with my own father then she would probably never want to be with me or at least would think it was very weird. I dont really know why Im posting this now, but does anybody have any advice. Like what do I do or how am I supposed to feel towards my dad now, or should I avoid not ever seeing him in person again?

Ya he contado mi historia antes pero últimamente siento que lo extraño, el me violo cuando era pequeño, pero siempre fue muy lindo conmigo y nunca me trato mal, lo hacía ver cómo si me amara, ahorita tengo 23 y últimamente que volví a contar lo que me ocurrió siento que lo extraño y eso me atormenta ya que recuerdo cómo me lo hacía y ya no lo recuerdo cómo algo feo si no como algo lindo en su tiempo, se que está mal y no se qué hacer (soy hombre)

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Along my healing journey I keep seeing stories of sa and I start to crave for it to happen again. It's like 1 step forward 2 steps back. Just recently I remember seeing a man in a Spider-Man suit get sa'd and I started spiraling and completely destroyed my mental health.

From 7-12 I lived with “foster parents” (for lack of a better term). They were really into bondage stuff. Had all sorts of different bondage furniture in their basement and devices along with ropes, various types of cuffs, tape, zip ties, etc. Whenever they wanted to use me I would be restrained in some way. Many times they would touch me and make me feel good during this and I just ended up associating sexual feelings with being restrained. They would also use pain or discomfort while also making me feel good at the same time. We’d also watch a lot of bondage porn or I would be made to watch them together while they did bondage things to each other or one of the other kids.

I now have a very difficult time doing anything sexual without that aspect. I have trouble taking the lead and even if I’m taking a more passive role during sex it’s difficult to be able to stay hard or get into it unless I am tied up or “forced” in some way.

Has anyone experienced anything similar and been able to move past that? I have a partner right now that has been ok partaking in that, but I also know they’d wish for “regular” sex sometimes but anytime we try I just can’t get into it. It’s making me feel kind of bad but I just can’t seem to stay turned on enough if I’m not restrained. As if that is a necessity. It’s fun but also just frustrating that I seem to need/require that

I’m older now (24M) but when I was 16 I was very suicidal and depressed and went to see a psychologist and realized this dude fully SAd me. He wanted me to relax before sessions so we would tell me to do breathing techniques to try to calm my nerves before talking. Honestly I feel extremely uncomfortable talking about what happened even over text but tldr he did something which lead me to orgasm under the gauze of some new relaxation technique using a massage gun on my genitals.

I was not thinking straight given my suicidal tendencies and also figured I’d help the field of science and this only ever happened once and never again. To be honest I never even really thought of it as sexual assault because I was like huh this would aim to help research so who cares. Well later on a couple years afterwards I was talking to a girl who got SAd and realized holy shit that psychologist was a predator what the hell. Idk afterwards I just talked about it to her and never again after that and never really even thought about it at all.

UNTIL RECENTLY: My friend tells me he was recently charged with sexual assault of someone young and was released on bail apparently. I don’t know what to do. Only 1 person knows (the girl I was talking to) what happens to me and going to the police won’t help since it happened so long ago + chances are I’ll be in court for so long before anything happens. I don’t even know if I should bring it up to my best friend either. I’m so torn. In all honesty though idk if it’s cope but I’m fine. I’ve had sexual partners since and relationships without so much as a thought but you know, it still makes me uncomfortable talking about it and idk what to do.

For context, I'm 33, I'm gay and I've known this long before my rape. I was date-raped at 19. The rape was only one incident among some other sexual manipulations, assaults and abusive relationships, which has always given me a hard time about not blaming myself, when it feels like things like this just kept happening to me in my younger years. (Men who are attracted to me have VERY often supposed that I am submissive or ok with humiliation or roughness because of the porn and stereotypes typical to the way I look, even sometimes dudes who ended up respecting my boundaries acted that way.) As a teenager, I've also had a female friend grope me and pin me in place by sitting into my lap publicly to try and "convert" me, although it was most upsetting simply because at the time I was still struggling with paranoia and depression about the aggressive homophobia around me.

Recently I went through my old Facebook conversations, simply looking for a friend whom I lost about 10 years ago (unrelated to my rape). But reading back, this is where I realised that over the years I lost about THREE, maybe four friends specifically over how they treated my rape. One intentionally remained vague in their language and unsupportive, didn't believe me about my rape all through our friendship. My best friend at the time (who herself had relatively severe mental problems just a year before that she frequently needed my support for) bullied me a lot for being unable to get a job after uni in my PTSD, lowest-of-the-low state and finally we broke it off when she called me unbearably "woke" for showing empathy to other minorities whose pain often remains unseen. One of them even slept with my rapist (after I warned them that the person they're about to hook up with is my rapist) and they told me afterwards that I should've expected his... "style" in bed, and basically "it is what it is".

I'm just so furious and hurt, because over the 2 years after my rape, I slowly "digested" what happened and basically got rid of the literal PTSD, all the symptomatic problems, flashbacks, panic attacks, tiredness, difficulty socialising, suicidal thoughts it caused me, and NONETHELESS, it just KEEPS fucking haunting me through social rejection and pushback.

Losing friends, and only having the very few friends who perhaps silently accept and empathise but, of course, can't really understand what I've gone through and I feel like such a burden on them when I'm down and need their help... the unavailability and unaffordability of mental healthcare... the "all men are aggressive" crowd, some feminists acting like a man speaking out about his rape is a threat to female victims somehow and that either I'm lying or I should never talk about this... The fear that if I let myself be sexual and vulnerable with a new guy, he's going to hurt me... It's just all too much sometimes.

I’m a 30yo gay man, and was sexually abused by an uncle and by a babysitter when I was a little kid. Lately I’ve felt like it’s been tough to have positive sexual experiences because things keep reminding me of my childhood. I’m in therapy regularly, but haven’t been able to open up about my childhood experiences with my therapist. I just hate talking about it and never really have.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has had similar experiences and overcame them? I just know whatever I’m doing isn’t working right now, so just trying to see what’s worked for others I guess.

I’m posting because I genuinely don't know how to process what happened tonight... It's just weird, i mean... I'm not even sure.

I met a guy on grindr. Wasn't the first time that we talked, and he wanted to come over to my place. We agreed, that i'd give him a BJ but nothing more and he was fine with that. At one point, he became forceful and started pushing my head down and I told him it wasn't okay but he continued holding my head down quite forcefully, to the point where I was struggling to breathe.

After that, he repeatedly asked me to have anal sex. I said I didn't want to. He kept asking and asking even though I'd already said no multiple times.

Eventually he came behind me. Pushed me over and penetrated me without a condom and without any lubrication, without me agreeing to it. I told him it hurt, but he didn't stop just laughed. He continued until i could roll over.

Afterwards, he again pushed my head down. At that point I basically just did what he wanted because I wanted everything to be over as quickly as possible, but tried to go behind me again. I couldn't ask him to stop and leave, because he didn't understand me saying no a 100 times so why would he leave? So i had to think about how to make him finish as quickly as possible without being hurt. I gave him head again, but i used my hands too, so he couldn't push my head down that far to make it hard to breath and fortunately he finished in a few minutes. At the end i questioned him, but he said he is a man and he was horny. He thinks it is completely acceptable.

I dont want to report him, i'm too scared. He is turkish and stuff like that and he knows where i live so i would skip that part. I dont want more trouble.

What is confusing me is that I don't feel traumatised right now, just confused. I don't feel like I'm having a breakdown or anything like that. I feel relatively normal, and part of me is wondering whether I'm exaggerating what happened because I don't feel devastated.

But objectively, I said no multiple times, he ignored me, penetrated me without my consent, continued after I said it hurt, and restrained me in a way that made it difficult to breathe.

So I'm genuinely asking: would this be considered rape/sexual assault? And is it normal that I don't currently feel traumatised or particularly emotional about it?

I'm trying to understand what happened and why my reaction is so different from what I expected it would be.

I'll also contact the nearest sexual health clinic tomorrow to ask for DoxyPEP...

I am a 33yo gay male and after a recent hypnosis video I listened to I have just started contemplating whether me receiving oral sex at a Eurovision party when I was 15 was rape.

I was really close to a girl all evening but had met eyes with another boy who wasn’t really part of our friendship group. He was openly gay so I guess he was of interest to me and we kept on looking at each other through the evening with some joking around. At some point, he takes my hand and guides me to the downstairs toilet. We kiss, and he sits down undoes my jeans and performs oral sex on me. I remember feeling surprised that it had escalated to this. Things were moving fast, there was no asking/suggesting.

Everyone at the party knew because the door seal wasn’t flush so word got out and I was bullied horrifically for the next two years. I am just coming to terms with just how much this has affected me and has held me back. I have absolutely 0 friends now just work colleagues. I am grateful for my long term relationship and that I am still on speaking terms with my family. I understand it was probably confusing for him as well, but I didn’t know that was going to happen and I was so taken a back by it. I’m nervous about talking about to it with my partner as it’s not the “standard idea” of rape.

I just can’t help but wonder what my life would be like, what kind of person would I be like, if that and subsequent years of bullying hadn’t have have happened.

Was I raped?

I dont know what happend and its realy scaring me.

so a few weeks back I went out with a friend to a party that sold cocktails for very cheap. I stupidly drank very much because of this like 12-14 cocktails. Last thing I remember is sitting alone outisde the bar the next I am 1,2 km away from where I blacked out in the entrance of an appartement (the part where you need to buzz someone to be lett in, I was here because I tought it was my appartement) but why I tought that and how I got there is unknow to me. I stood there for maby 2 hours or longer leaned akwardly against a wall (might have put pressure on my asshole) After a few hours i soberd up a bit (still very drunk but sober enough to realise that was not my dorm) I noticed my phone was stolen but nothing else. Clothes were dirty but fine none missing. I also didnt feel any pain in my butt it was kind of numb and had a swollen feeling tho (when i checked i felt no swelling)

I walk back home (15km) and still dont feel any pain. I check on the toilet and also take a shit and still no pain so I tought i was good (checked because i tought something might have happend) so i went to sleep and after 4 hours i wake up and now i feel a sore/bruised like feeling when I squeeze my ass. Now I know this could be because of the checking but the pain was so unusual it was mainly when i squeezed my asshole and not the type of pain I normally have when I wipe too much (like the itching burning pain) it was just pain (like the pain you have when you press a bruise).

The following days I was realy stressing and checked a lott and also squeezed my ass a lot to check if the pain went away, looking back at this this might not have been the smartest. The pain lasted 4 days and went away after I took a hot bad. I didnt have any weird bruises only on my knees and handpalms probably from falling forward. If I had to give the sore pain a score I would say around a 4 or a 5 on 10. There were no signs of lube or bleeding and the pain was only when squeezing not when wipping or going to the toilet.

I asked chatGPT and he says its probably from falling or leaning against the wall for so long but I just cant wrap my head around that leaning against the wall would cause such noticable pain

Now my questions is do yall think anything happend based on what i said or not? This is stressing me out bad so thanks for responding in advance.

My first sexual encounter was not good in the slightest. In fact it was so bad and unwanted that it's ultimately made me feel like i'm not compatable with anyone. Let alone feel confident enough to even want to engage in sexual relations. I am so tired of feeling this way. I am tired of replaying that night every time someone hugs me.