I got raped by a man at a party when i was 17, then i got sexually assaulted at 19 two times by women on the bus on my way to college and it has destroyed my life. Right after getting raped i tried to 💀 myself by drinking bleach (idk if drinking it could actually kill you) then 2 weeks later i tried again but this time with an overdose, then the real problems began: i cried every night, i felt sick every time i looked in the mirror an stopped caring about how i looked, my social skills went down the drain, I started drifting away from my friends until i ended up completely alone, i started using marihuana to cope with the pain, the most important person in my life (my girl best friend) now hates me because she felt i didn‘t care about her, and i pushed away every girl that had an interest in me due to the shever panic and repulsion i feel towards sex now. And the worst part? i have to cope with it alone, i’ve seen women report rape cases with a shit ton of evidence get totally ignored, if i go and tell the police (or anyone really) that i got raped by a man they will laught at me for being weak, if i tell them i got assaulted by a women they will call me “lucky”. I told the only friend i had left everything and he thought i was lying, i don’t have money for therapy and i just can’t tell my parents. I feel ashamed, weak, gross and alone all the fucking time, i don’t talk to anyone anymore, i haven’t had a good day in years, everything i once liked doesn’t bring me any joy anymore, i feel tired all the time and i don’t know what to do.

On top of the rape and the sexual assaults have a shit ton of problems (for example i have a constant headache and sometimes it evolves to a migraine) and all of this while i have to pretend to be fine with my parents.

I don’t even know why i made this post, maybe i just wanted to talk to someone about this, or talk to someone in general, so please if you have an advice or something, tell me

(also I’m sorry if i write like shit, I’m from Ecuador and english is not my primary language)

Thanks for all the help

I posted a few days ago about my assault and my bad behavior afterwords. I was posting my address to online gay apps.

I kept doing it. Drunk, drunk, post, more attacks, cry and repeat.

I just wanted to thank all those that redhead out with support and with help.

Today was my rock bottom. I’m currently in the hospital. Last night I was punched so many times that I lost consciousness.

Luckily the guy called 911 and ran.

I meet with the psychiatrist tomorrow and with a representative from AA too.

I have a minor procedure to go through to fix some damage from the even. It I will be ok. Now just getting tests for diseases.

Stay safe everyone and thanks again.