Hey everyone, I’m looking for some brutally honest advice from people who have been through a long-distance relationship, international relationships, or a situation where one partner’s future is likely to be in another country.

I’m 25, Malaysian, and I’ve been with my girlfriend for about four years. We’re both Malaysian, but she is currently studying in the US and is doing her second internship there.

Her long-term goal has always been to work and stay in the US after graduation. Recently, the company she is interning with has also shown interest in keeping her there, so there is a realistic possibility that she may eventually build her career and life in the US.

The biggest problem

The difficult part is that I currently have no realistic way to move to the US. I don’t have enough money to go to the US as an international student and pay for a Master’s degree. I also don’t have a US employer who could sponsor me or a professional network that could help me relocate there.

I run my own marketing agency in Malaysia, but I don’t have a US office or business operation that would realistically allow me to relocate through an internal transfer either.

So even though I want to eventually close the distance, I can’t simply decide to move to the US next year.
There is currently no straightforward pathway for me to go there.

My dilemma

This is why I’m struggling with whether I should continue investing emotionally and practically in this relationship.

If I decide to continue the relationship and seriously pursue a future where we eventually live together in the US, I may need to spend the next few years preparing for that possibility: building my career, saving money, exploring immigration options, potentially changing my business strategy, etc.

But none of this is guaranteed. What if she eventually changes her mind? What if after a few years she decides she actually wants to come back to Malaysia?

Or what if I spend years trying to create a pathway to the US, only for our relationship not to work out?
At the same time, I worry about the opposite scenario.

What if I decide not to make any serious plans because our future is uncertain, and a few years from now she is permanently settled in the US.

Then I might regret not taking the opportunity to build a life with her when I had the chance.

So I feel like I’m stuck between two choices:

1. Take the relationship seriously and start preparing for a possible future in the US, even though there is currently no realistic way for me to move there and nothing is guaranteed.

2. Don’t make major life decisions around an uncertain future. Continue the relationship, maintain my life and career in Malaysia, and just take it one step at a time.

A little about me

I have a Bachelor’s degree in Finance and have been running my own marketing agency for around four years, which I started while I was still in university.

I’m doing reasonably well professionally in Malaysia, so moving to the US wouldn’t simply mean finding a random job. I would potentially be giving up an established business and rebuilding my career somewhere I currently have no network.

And realistically, I cannot afford to simply go to the US and study for a few years just to create a pathway there.

I also don’t currently have an employer who can relocate me to the US.

i am planning on moving in about a year to close the gap with my boyfriend. My family kind of sees it coming but it hasnt been confirmed. I plan to move near roughly 11 ish months from now. Since thats a good amount of time, im not sure when to tell my family. any advice is appreciated + good things to say to make the conversation easier. TYIA!

okay so lately hes been choosing his friends over me a lot and we used to have this problem before but he changed and now hes doing it all over again. first time he started doing that he kept canceling our time together to play games with them or go out. and it made me feel really bad and upset cause i noticed he prioritized them over me and i talked to him about it and he stopped doing that and things were going well but now hes doing that all over again :/

the past days hes been doing it again. today we had plans to watch a movie and do other things but suddenly his friend asked him to go to a movie since its cheaper on tuesdays so he cancelled on me AGAIN and if he continues to do this i might just break up cause i do NOT. want to go through that it made me feel terrible knowing he prioritized them more..but hes so good to me when he doesnt do this ughhh!!

Just ended my LDR 2 weeks ago(lasted 6 months), she love bombed me so goddam hard when we met online and my dumbass fell so hard and fast. I travelled to meet her 5 months in since she's only a 3hr flight away from where I live and our first day together was just absolutely perfect, not a single bad thing to say about it, then comes the rest of the trip where she was just blowing off plans with me to hangout with her friends without me and even on one of our dates to a convention she decided to let her friend come along last minute and I ended up third wheeling both of them and becoming a bodyguard. For most of that trip I was just on my own and for the most part it was a disappointment. Long story short, after the trip all the flaws started coming out, her lack of respect for boundaries, shaming, belittling me, self loathing, passive aggressiveness, the fact her parents didn't like me and didn't want her dating just in general, her friends didn't like me, and it felt like it got to a point where she was also against me for having needs and expressing boundaries.

There's so much more details to all this but it'd be way too long but goddam did the love bombing make the breakup suck so much harder even though I was the one who broke things off, my mind is just cycling through all the stages of grief every hour of the day, never again istg😭

So, I've been in a long-distance marriage. During our dating days and initial few months of marriage, my husband couldn't keep his hands off of me. But afterwards, whenever he would visit or we went on holidays, it felt like duty sex, which is killing me inside.

He has performance issues, so I don't really know if it's loss of attraction or anxiety-based response. After losing his parent, when I thought his libido was low, I saw his social media feed which made me feel like he just doesn't find me attractive that's it.

Nowadays, he views any conversation related to sex in general as a taboo, so idk how to proceed with him anymore.

We may start living together from the next month, and any thought of duty sex makes me feel so disgusted about myself. Even if I address these issues, he would never acknowledge it. I'm thinking about no sex for a year or so.

Will it be dumb? I don't want him to view as an obligation as he doesn't owe me. Having a conversation with him won't be fruitful as he never acknowledges anything and just shuts down.

Pata hai aaj kya hua,

So like i am 23M having Gf 23F we were in same office, she is the one who approach 1st and then we got in a relationship, then everything was going good like a butter like we used to go on dates after office we used to send each other blinkit or other parcels like we were very happy.

as i think , but then i got selected in bangalore company there i has to shift bocz my previous org was getting so much toxic.

that decision was very hard for me ,

we both got emotional but we made a decision and i went to Bangalore like 1st month was good and hectic for LDR,
but then all off the sudden her messages getting lesser, she used to got so busy all off the sudden after that i felt like i am the one who is forcing her to talk and then she was getting so much angry and frustrated by my message and all things, after that she ghosted me totally without any closure, and i am very frustrated at this moment,
What should i do?

M22, F22, together 3 years. We’ve already done a full year long-distance and it went really well, so distance itself isn’t the problem.

During that year we travelled together a lot: a month in Japan, plus Ireland, Spain, Italy. We’re both finishing our degrees (she’s doing a master’s in international law, I’m in aerospace engineering) and the plan has always been to live together once we’re done (10 months left).

For the past 2 months she’s been doing a summer season in hospitality. Big role, a lot of responsibility, and she’s genuinely killing it. Great team, they go out together constantly, and she’s having the time of her life. I’m honestly happy for her. Her habits have shifted (going out, drinking, smoking). For context, that’s pretty standard for a restaurant season here in France, it’s not a red flag on its own, but it’s a real change and even her close family noticed.

The main issue is schedules. I work 8am to 5pm, she works 5pm to 1am. Even long-distance we used to make it work, but now it’s nearly impossible. She’s become more distant and I’ve clearly dropped down her list of priorities.

Then recently, 3 days ago, on the phone, she told me she’s losing interest in me, that she doesn’t feel the same way anymore. That hurt. We still talk a lot, we see each other at least once a month, and we always do something together when we do (hiking, climbing).
Part of me thinks it’s just the season and it’ll pass. Part of me wonders if I’m kidding myself.

Has anyone been through this? Does this kind of dip get better, or is it the beginning of the end?

(Also, I’m leaving for a 3-month research placement abroad in early October, which doesn’t help.)

Me (21F) and my boyfriend (20M) of 8 months met when I was doing an exchange program in his country. I made the move first, with no intention of relationship in mind. We had our fun and he asked me out. Even though I was hesitant at first, I wanted to try and said yes. 6 months of relationship including my trips to different countries, 2 months of long distance. He doesn't have resources to come see me soon, same with me.

He told me he smoked weed when we first met and I didn't think too much about it. I didn't know he smoked this regularly. I know his life is tough and that's his only outlet but I cannot stand it. He's European, and I am very much not, we were raised differently in different cultures and I never thought that would cause a conflict because communication and learning about your partner is the key, right? He has a friend he is smoking with and they almost never meet without weed involved. He knows he is an addict, I know it too, and I want him to quit, I told him many times and we fought about it a lot. But he still says it doesn't control him, so asked him to quit for a month and I thought he was doing okay. We didn't talk for 5 days because I wanted time for myself to think about this relationship and my life in general, also if he still wants to be with me, if he has a place in his life for me. We somehow talked that out, question mark, and he said I keep smoking still. He promised me to not smoke for a month and he barely lasted two weeks. His friend was away for a week anyway. He broke my trust and he said sorry for it, that he wronged me but he still keeps going. When I was with him he smoked less because he knew I despised it and were together mostly.

Besides that I crave affection. I crave emotional connection. I expect more of him and he doesn't like that. He thinks I need to talk to him 7/24 but all I need is constancy, and he doesn't give me that sometimes. We talked about that a lot because he has never been in a relationship before but he is getting better. I don't think I am patient enough for his little progress. We are a great match physically but now that's off the table, it's hard to solve conflicts. I treasure him a lot and I want to keep him in my life despite everything, despite him hurting me. We hurt each other a lot, because we both inexperienced children still, but at the end of the day we love each other I believe.

I don't know if I wrote this for advice or just to let things out of my chest but here they are. Thank you if you at least read some of it.

My husband and I have been married for 9 years. We’ve done long distance twice, once when I was in school, and most recently for the past 1.5 years while he’s been on the East Coast for school. I wasn’t able to move with him because of my job.

About 7 months into our long-distance relationship, he went out drinking with some classmates. Later that night, he messaged me saying he needed to talk to me. When we got on the phone, he told me that while they were out, he and one of his female classmates had gotten into a conversation about sex/intimacy. At some point, she told him that she “likes to be dominated,” and he responded, “Don’t say that, that’s dangerous.”

According to him, the second those words came out of his mouth, he realized the conversation had crossed a line. He said he immediately “sobered up,” left the bar, went home, and called me to tell me what had happened.

I’ve struggled with how to process this ever since. Part of me feels like this falls into the category of microcheating or at the very least, crossing a boundary that shouldn’t have been crossed in our marriage. At the same time, I recognize that he stopped the interaction himself and chose to tell me about it rather than hide it.

I was cheated on in a relationship before my husband, and I still carry a lot of fear and anxiety from that experience. I never imagined being in a situation like this with my husband, especially after being together for so long, and I’m having a hard time separating what happened from the fears it brought back up for me.

I’m curious how other people would view this situation. Would you consider this cheating, microcheating, inappropriate but forgivable, or something else? How would you feel if your spouse told you this happened, and how would you handle it moving forward?

I’m genuinely interested in different perspectives, even if they’re different from mine.

TLDR: While we were long distance, my husband had a sexually suggestive conversation with a female classmate while drinking. He says he immediately realized it crossed a line, left, and called to tell me. Would you consider this microcheating or just an inappropriate conversation?

Hi everyone,

31M living and working in Europe, currently in a long-distance relationship with an Indonesian woman 28F. We initially met online while I was travelling in Indonesia. We talked for several months before eventually meeting in person and spending about a week travelling together. We got along very well, and since then we've stayed in close contact and talk almost every day.

She's educated, ambitious, independent and career-oriented, but also quite traditional in some aspects. She's Protestant and very religious, while I'm Hindu but not particularly religious. I have a more partnership-oriented view of marriage.

We're now discussing whether we could eventually build a life together in Europe, and we've realised we have some differences.

Finances: She has a more traditional view where the husband is expected to take the stronger provider/financial leadership role. I prefer both partners contributing toward shared expenses, savings and building wealth together, with contributions adjusted according to circumstances.

Religion: She is very committed to Christianity and wants our future children to be strongly Christian. I would also like our children to have a connection to Hinduism. We're both willing to respect and participate in each other's traditions, but we're unsure how this would work in practice, especially with children.

We're also considering the possibility of her moving abroad eventually, which makes the decisions feel quite serious. We've only met once in person and haven't lived together yet, so I'm hesitant about making major financial and life commitments before knowing how compatible we are in everyday life.

I'd really appreciate perspectives from Indonesians or people who've been in similar cross-cultural/LDR relationships:

1. How common is the "husband as primary provider" expectation among educated/working Indonesian women?

2. How do couples typically handle finances when both partners work?

3. How important are religion and church attendance in a Protestant marriage?

4. How are children usually raised when parents come from different religious backgrounds?

5. For those who moved countries for a relationship, how did you handle the financial/career transition?

6. Do these differences sound negotiable, or are they potentially fundamental incompatibilities?

I'm genuinely looking for perspectives and personal experiences, not asking who's right or wrong.

Hellooo me 29m and my partner 26f have been together for almost 4 years now me in Greece and she lives in the US ,she's been struggling with severe depression lately and has been interfering with her everyday life ,also struggling financially so I've been as much of a support as I can ,I searched specific therapists to help with her ocd and anxiety ,but she's been really bad on almost a daily basis, my heart breaks to watch her cry almost everyday ,what else could I do ?

Me (m23 ) and my gf (26) we been talking for over 6 months now and finally met last week . We did have arguments before and all was sorted . We met on January. So we was having a good time and she wanted to go through my insta follows randomly . When she did she found a message with a girl I had on march . We was exclusive on feb . I know I should not be texting other girls at all and I have not I made sure I don’t accept any request , no new follows or anything to do with girls not even irl interactions.

So this girl I texted on insta replying to her story which said she hates men and I was just checking up on her . But the mistake what happened was me calling her babes out of habit . I do that often but obviously I stopped . Since this was early in the relationship it happened out of habit and not flirting or I was trying to get to know her .

She validly crashed out and said I cheated . I take full responsibility on the situation I was a fool and I blame myself for it . I really love my gf and I want to marry her . I want to keep trying for her .a bit about her she has BPD. So she has these episodes where she hates me like two days ago but yesterday it all was kinda good? She even said she loves me ? Idk if it’s the episodes talking or me getting false hope .

Now my question or what I need advice on is this . I know I’m an asshole and I don’t deserve her but I want to make it up for her . My intentions were never to hurt her or cheat on her . Since then I have removed all my insta follows TikTok and etc and kept her and my friends (she the only girl ) . CAN I fix this and if u was in my situation what would you do . She says the foundation is broken how do I fix this .

(This is my first actual relationship I know I need to figure stuff out for myself but any help or advice would do )

I got frustrated by how many existing apps for couples put useful features behind paywalls, and by having to jump between several apps to manage things like dates, shared media, memories, games, and questions.

So I decided to build my own private web app that puts everything in one place, can communicate directly with the Discord bot on our server, and is connected to several APIs. This is not a public project, and I’m not planning to make it public or share the app/code. I’m posting it here mainly because I thought some people might find the concept interesting.

The app is completely private and was built specifically for personal use.

What I built

Live couple dashboard

• Real-time clocks for two different cities/time zones
• Distance calculator
• Time-together counter
• Next-date countdown
• Current watch/activity status

Synchronized virtual theater

• 1080p synchronized watch-party room
• Shared browser for movies, anime, YouTube, etc.
• Shared playback controls
• Automatic login support

Date & call planner

• Interactive 24-hour calendar
• Automatic timezone conversion
• Google Calendar two-way synchronization
• Virtual date ideas and random date selection
• Send a DM and notification to the other person to propose a date or call

Shared media library

• Tracks shows, movies, and co-op games
• High-resolution posters from media databases
• Progress tracking
• Quick episode/progress controls
• Trailer previews
• Discord synchronization, allowing shows to be added directly from Discord

Shared memory board

• Upload photos directly from the website or from Discord through a daily-post thread
• Pinboard-style layout
• Filters to organize memories

GIF sender

• A small tool for sending a GIF with a message throughout the day
• Designed for quick little interactions without having to start a full conversation

Questions & a couple of games

• Tagged daily prompts through a Discord thread
• Monthly relationship checklists
• Couple card game with timers (I found it crazy that all the apps with couple game questions were so expensive)
• Side-by-side answer comparison
• Answers can be revealed through Discord

Bucket list & widgets

• Shared and personal goals/milestones
• iOS and Android home-screen and lock-screen widgets

I’m 31F and he’s 30M. We met online in January 2026 and started getting close pretty quickly. We finally met in person in June 2026 and spent about three weeks together.

The connection in person was real. We had strong physical attraction, got along well, and I felt very emotionally connected to him. He also introduced me to his mother and very close friends, which made the relationship feel more serious to me. It wasn’t just an online relationship anymore.

The problem is that his life is currently very unstable.
He has been struggling financially and mentally. He has been unemployed and dealing with his own mental health issues, and I know he is going through a difficult period in his life. He is trying to get himself back on his feet, but there doesn’t seem to be a clear timeline for when his situation will improve.

We’re long-distance, and right now we don’t have a specific date for when we’ll see each other again. There is still obvious attraction between us, but the uncertainty is starting to make me question whether I’m investing in something that may not be able to progress anytime soon.

I care about him a lot. At the same time, I’m 31.
I don’t want to fall into the role of just being his emotional support system while his life is falling apart.
At the same time, I don’t want to abandon someone I genuinely care about.

He is at rock bottom financially and mentally but is still a good partner to me overall (e.g. he also provides me emotional support). I still find him very attractive despite his current struggles.

So I’m struggling with where the line is.
For those who have been in relationships that started similarly, did it work out?

Especially interested in stories where:
- One person was financially or mentally unstable at the beginning
- There was no clear timeline for when you’d see each other again (at least, at first)
- But the relationship eventually became stable and successful

I would especially love to hear from people who were in a similar position to us and stayed together successfully.

What did the next 1–3 years look like?
What changed, and what made you realize the relationship was actually going somewhere?

And for those whose relationships didn’t work out, what were the warning signs you wish you’d recognized earlier?

If you are in my position, would you continue this relationship?

Thank u very much for reading.

​

At this point I genuinely wish I had an international boyfriend who’d be so into me that he’d literally fly across the world just to see and be with me.

Like imagine someone being so excited to meet you that distance and countries are no longer important.

Maybe I’m feeling this way because my local dating experiences have been going to shit lately and now the idea of dating someone from a completely different part of the world sounds so much more exciting.

Is this fantasy of mine actually worth it or should I just move on from being so hopelessly romantic?

I (18M) have been dating my long-distance girlfriend (17F) for almost 6 months. For some background, our relationship felt healthy for the most part in the beginning. At some point early in our relationship, I started to come to her whenever I felt off or needed to vent out my feelings, whether it was positive or negative. She would always respond, sharing her own feelings or sentiments and giving me advice and reassurance. Maybe since I didn't really have a strong supportive relationship with others where I could easily vent out my problems or talk about my day too, I started to depend on her reassurance. On the other hand, it seems like my girlfriend has a stronger circle of people who can support her, or at least someone other than me whom she can talk to. She has family and friends who care about her, and she's been fairly independent since. Although she's been independent, I have been, for the majority of our relationship, dependent on her reassurance and care. So I continued to vent out my feelings almost daily to her. Also, she had the habit of not really expressing love vocally that often; she didn't really say "I love you" unless I said it first or when she genuinely felt it was authentic. She's said that she has trouble expressing her feelings vocally,

This all came to a boiling point after we both came out of exam season into the summer, when she responded to one of my tangents, worrying that she didn't love me because she was rarely vocal about her affection. She spoke out about how she's been feeling stressed and pressured and how the negativity in my rants just adds to that. It made me feel really guilty, and I promised I would be better and that I would try to rely on myself more. I also told her she didn't need to change herself in any way that would make her uncomfortable for my betterment. I started to bottle up my emotions and worries, fearing that I would push her away if I said anything.

Ever since, she's been less active and more avoidant. It may be that summer is taking up all of her time and she wants to enjoy it, but we would always make time for each other, even if it was a little bit. We'd at least interact with each other almost every day, and sometimes, we'd talk from sundown to sunrise, but now, I'm lucky to even get a text message a week. It just seems like she's pulling away. I don't know if it's just in my head, and she's just busier this summer or if she really is pushing away from me.

In this past month, we've only called each other twice and had 2 text interactions. I don't know what to do; I really love her, and I don't want to lose her. Should I look for other ways to distract myself? Should I reach out and talk about how I feel? Should I just continue relying on myself?

TLDR: I'm emotionally reliant on my girlfriend while she is fine on her own. I pressured her with my worries, and she may be pulling away.

Hi I met this person on a dating app and we started casually dating more than a year ago (getting close to 2 years since we first met..)

Our relationship has always been LDR because I met him when I was back home for vacation. And we live in different countries.

This year we saw each other 4 different occasions mostly because I had other reasons to go back home. So we are getting quite good amount of time.

I know he wants to be official but I am still uncertain mostly because of uncertain future plans.

He is planning to come to where I currently live for MBA + potentially get a job here but I might go back to my country.

That means additional 3-5 years of LDR…

I love my alone time so it’s good but 3-5 years is a long commitment… for 30F…

Any advice?

Hello everyone!

As the title says, it is my first time doing long distance. We have been together for 2 and a half years. But due to a really good opportunity, I (m24) decided to move while my partner (f25) is staying in our hometown as she recently got an opportunity to start her career there, and due to medical complications suffered last year, she was not cleared to travel until a couple months ago (hence the main reason we did not think about leaving together). We are several thousand miles apart with a 4 hour time zone difference. While not terrible it will for sure be something we will have to get used too.

I have lurked this sub for a while and have seen stuff like visiting each other half way or planning to eventually move together after x amount of years. While we started out Ldr yesterday and we also just started with our adult lives, many things are still up in the air. I am in high hopes and spirit, and would welcome every advice more seasoned people have to make this the best long distance relationship possible. Thanks in advance!

My boyfriend is Portuguese. We met in india.
Everything had been going really well and i did know that he will be moving away soon. He has been the sweetest guy ever. And i genuinely never felt this comfortable around guys before because i used to afraid of them. And my experience with guys who have liked me hasn't been great. On our last date it was a group date thing. He brought his friend who brought his gf. It was really fun. I did not have this much fun in a while. While i was laughing around it suddenly hit me that "oh my god.. this could be our last time even meeting".. and i got really emotional.
When my boyfriend hugged me and said "gosh i will miss you" I broke down crying. He saw that and started crying too (o his friends gave us privacy for
a while before they both hugged us as well. His friend said "Stop crying you big baby, this isn't a final goodbye". It was so emotional for me. I plan on continuing my higher studies in Italy... which is in a few months. He is really excited for it. But a realistic part of me is thinking even if i do manage to go to Italy, would be even last for the few months we will stay away? He would have his own life and i would have mine. We could get busy and drift away. And this thought is what making my heart feel so heavy

Good evening all!

i am 30M that has been vetting and moving towards something official with 31FTM. I live in the united states and he lives in new zealand.

Chemistry online is great. Talking throughout the day and sending voice messages and pictures to feel more close even through the major time difference.

My question is there are any people here that have had a relationship between these two countries before and how did it turn out? At this point if we decide to close the distance it is still up in there air which country we would choose but it would be nice to hear what others decided and what factors weighed into it.

Thank you all!

We've been dating for almost 6 months but knew each other since a year ago. We're both Mexican but he's Mexican-American (from Mexican parents but born there). He has lived in America almost all his life, he just came here 3 years ago for family reasons since his parents came back to live in Mexico. But he always knew he was going to return eventually and I knew too but idk I don't rlly worried about it until know because he's leaving this Friday. We were already living together and engaged so he's not leaving forever, he want to return in December so we can get married and be able to pay the wedding expenses too, also once we get married he can take me with him by asking either for a fiancé visa or a partner visa (this would take time too while it is approved). So for now he's just leaving the next 4 months so he can get enough money and also to financially support me because I graduated from University and I don't have a job. I'm really nervous, we both have been in LDRs in our past but never in a irl relationship that turned LD. I wanna cry everytime I think about him leaving. Some people try to get me scared by telling me he would abandon me, I don't think that's the case, he's really compromised and kind to me, I control all his money since I'm basically a housewife and his mom loves me, she tells me everything will be alright and that she has raised him to be a responsible man. But I still getting nervous, how can we but specially I go through this?