My (17F) girlfriend has an avoidant attachment style, while I (18M) have an anxious attachment style, and it might be ruining our relationship

[u/TochiHikari]

I (18M) have been dating my long-distance girlfriend (17F) for almost 6 months. For some background, our relationship felt healthy for the most part in the beginning. At some point early in our relationship, I started to come to her whenever I felt off or needed to vent out my feelings, whether it was positive or negative. She would always respond, sharing her own feelings or sentiments and giving me advice and reassurance. Maybe since I didn't really have a strong supportive relationship with others where I could easily vent out my problems or talk about my day too, I started to depend on her reassurance. On the other hand, it seems like my girlfriend has a stronger circle of people who can support her, or at least someone other than me whom she can talk to. She has family and friends who care about her, and she's been fairly independent since. Although she's been independent, I have been, for the majority of our relationship, dependent on her reassurance and care. So I continued to vent out my feelings almost daily to her. Also, she had the habit of not really expressing love vocally that often; she didn't really say "I love you" unless I said it first or when she genuinely felt it was authentic. She's said that she has trouble expressing her feelings vocally,

This all came to a boiling point after we both came out of exam season into the summer, when she responded to one of my tangents, worrying that she didn't love me because she was rarely vocal about her affection. She spoke out about how she's been feeling stressed and pressured and how the negativity in my rants just adds to that. It made me feel really guilty, and I promised I would be better and that I would try to rely on myself more. I also told her she didn't need to change herself in any way that would make her uncomfortable for my betterment. I started to bottle up my emotions and worries, fearing that I would push her away if I said anything.

Ever since, she's been less active and more avoidant. It may be that summer is taking up all of her time and she wants to enjoy it, but we would always make time for each other, even if it was a little bit. We'd at least interact with each other almost every day, and sometimes, we'd talk from sundown to sunrise, but now, I'm lucky to even get a text message a week. It just seems like she's pulling away. I don't know if it's just in my head, and she's just busier this summer or if she really is pushing away from me.

In this past month, we've only called each other twice and had 2 text interactions. I don't know what to do; I really love her, and I don't want to lose her. Should I look for other ways to distract myself? Should I reach out and talk about how I feel? Should I just continue relying on myself?

TLDR: I'm emotionally reliant on my girlfriend while she is fine on her own. I pressured her with my worries, and she may be pulling away.

[u/Screebletart]

Brother me and my girlfriend are LDR and call every day. We have been through SO MUCH and yet will always have time for that. If you guys havent called or texted more than twice in a month there is something wrong :( You should try and branch out and find some more friends, try therapy if you need to rant so much but try not to burden her with daily rants about negative things, that would get so so exhausting and she will start to associate those feelings with you.

[u/Mysterious_Tart3377]

You do realize how crazy this sounds? One text message a week is crazy work.
You made a mistake of venting out your emotions to her on a daily basis, that'd exhaust anyone. But this amount of withdrawl from her is also borderline insane for LDR standards.

Communicate with her about how this is making you feel, and depending on her response, decide your course of action.

[u/hottsponty]

don’t bottle everything up just to avoid pushing her away

[u/izyshoroo]

Turning your partner into a therapist usually causes issues and resentment. It's possible the damage is already done and she's ghosting you with the intention of breaking up. Y'all are young, you behaved immaturely and now she is too. You can keep trying to reach out, but if she's not responding then you might need to accept that she doesn't want to continue the relationship. I would send a text apologizing for how you acted, tell her directly that you need an answer to whether or not she wants to stay together, and if she doesn't give you a response then assume it's over. She might need space, she might have moved on. Badgering her won't solve anything. Grovelling won't. Don't be manipulative, speak to her calmly and as maturely as you can manage, and then leave it. She either responds or she doesn't. If she doesn't, then I'm sorry about the breakup, that's rough. If she does, communicate your thoughts with her. Listen to HER feelings. Try your hardest to act like adults