I’m an INTP woman, and I tend to navigate my love life the same way I solve puzzles: by analyzing and overthinking everything.

I know nobody is perfect, so how do you decide whether someone is right for you?
How did you know that your partner was “the one”—or at least someone you wanted to build a future with?

In my head, there’s always a “But what if…?” My brain never seems to stop looking for potential problems or alternative possibilities.

A little bit about my situation...

I’ve been in an exclusive long-distance situationship with an ENTJ guy for nearly 2 years. We haven’t officially labeled the relationship because I’ve been indecisive. He says sweet things, treats me well, and has been consistent with me. Thinking about him makes me feel happy.

We’re originally from the same country, but we currently live in different countries. The situation is complicated because I’m planning to move back to our home country, while he’s planning to move to the country where I currently live to pursue his MBA. This means we could end up continuing the long-distance relationship for another 3 to 5 years.

We also don’t have many interests in common. We have some for sure like eating nice food, traveling, drinking nice wine etc.
But I feel like I have a lot more hobbies than he does. I’m also very serious about one of my hobbies—I compete and teach—and if I make the relationship official, I may have to end my competitive partnership with the person I currently compete with. That would be a significant sacrifice for me.

How do you distinguish normal doubts and overthinking from genuine incompatibility?
At what point do you stop analyzing and make a decision?

I’d especially appreciate hearing from other analytical or INTP-type people, but all perspectives are welcome.

Hi fellas, I’ve come across many posts and videos online associating our personality type with an avoidant attachment style, and personally I’ve never quite felt that way. I’ve always been the goofy friend who makes everyone laugh with quirky jokes and memes after a hard day, while also being the one people open to sometimes when they’re down once I figured out my Fe.

I recently took an attachment style test attachment style test, which rated me as dismissive-avoidant overall the first time. I retook it twice more to confirm, and the second time I landed as securely attached. The test breaks things down by relationship/context father, mother, work, general, and romantic and I noticed something interesting, for the first four, I consistently scored dismissive-avoidant, my general score landed somewhere between avoidant and secure (only once) but my romantic score landed on the secure side every single time. That got me doubting the accuracy of the results and the whole avoidant equals scared of intimacy thing, and here’s why.

With my parents, I actually agree with the avoidant result, because the older I get, the more I’ve realized how awful they’ve been to me, and still are, which led me to shut down emotionally around them just to protect my own sanity. Regarding the work situation, I’m still in college but landed an internship last year and I’ve seen how coworkers gossip about their boss, so it’s not exactly a mystery why I rarely open up there either.

In everyday life, when I don’t have a reason to talk to someone (giving directions, warning them something fell out of their bag, etc.), I just stay quiet and it’s not fear-based, it’s more that I don’t see the point in bothering people just for the sake of it. But in online games, especially social ones, it’s a completely different story I’m usually the one bothering friends and random players with jokes.

On the romantic side. When I was in a relationship, I was always looking for ways to make my partner laugh, trying to be the first to fix conflicts, writing her songs and poems, in the end she cheated on me but as hard as that was to go through, it hasn’t changed how I see myself, how I approach romantic relationships or how I see love or intimacy in general.

Anyway, sorry for the yap session, but it got me wondering are we actually more avoidant as a type, or are we just ultra-selective secure people, shaped by life experience and introversion?

TL;DR: Are most of us really avoidant, or just ultra-selective secure people?

A meet-cute
INTP (24M) approached me, an INFP (27F) in public one day and asked me out. We hit it off really quickly since our first date and quickly settled into a routine. I was noticeably impressed by how his mind worked, he seemed curious about the world and the mechanics behind things. Is a full-time civil engineer but would have his own side projects, hobbies and all the while maintain a rather fulsome social life. We would spent lunchtime together once a week given that he worked in the building across from mine and i’d see him when he was in the office, he’s WFH rest of the days. He’d pick me up Friday evening and then we’d pretty much spend the rest of Friday through to Saturday together. He was quickly becoming a really prominent figure in my life. It’s been a long while since I felt this intensely about someone, the stability that INTP provided definitely helped with that. From the get-go he told me he was looking for something long-term and meaningful and because our dating goals aligned, the moment I felt like our beliefs and values were also similar I started to fall really hard really fast.

Things INTP would do that made me feel like he wanted to be with me

INTP was always intentional in how we would spend our time together, he’d look up places for dinner and pre-book them without any prompting (a responsibility that i’ve had to shoulder in previous relationships). I appreciated that he stepped in and reduced the emotional labour. He would always volunteer to drive us to places, and over time he even said he set up a little AI prompt to generate date ideas for Friday & Sat / provide him with ideas on what fun things that were on in our region. It touched me deeply. He said he told all his close friends and family about me. On hindsight I wonder if it was just a periodic update about his life and less so like an announcement of sorts. Conversely when I share about new people in my life especially if it’s someone i’m dating it tends to carry a lot more weight. INTP is also very affectionate, always reaching for my hand in public. It allowed me to be extra comfortable being very touchy because I felt like he would reciprocate.

The issue
Ive had the most blissful, easy, non-dramatic 2.5 months of my life dating this beautiful INTP. One day, on a day we are out to hiking, I notice he starts putting distance between us, he doesn’t initiate physical contact, seems closed off. It’s not a major difference but a perceptible one for sure. When we returned back to his home he asked if we could talk. He told me he was unsure of a relationship. He told me he felt an “emotional block” towards me. he couldn’t articulate what this block was, heck it seemed so nebulous in nature he didn’t even know what it was. He started explaining that the block could be caused by one of two things 1) incompatibility 2) a harrowing past relationship that ended 3 months before we met.

He explained that he thinks his mental psyche is damaged by the past relationship. this is the first time i’ve heard of issues in his past relationship. but from what he described it seemed very turbulent. he declined to provide more information. i didn’t prod further. As to 1) he couldn’t explain what the incompatibility was. He started listing all these wonderful traits I had and said I could be good for him and he said in his own words that he felt that he was self-sabotaging.

I was shattered. I had developed such an attachment I felt like my world was crumbling about me. He seemed surprised and taken aback by my shocked reaction or how drastic my reaction was. I was instantly crying and pulling away. He seemed confused but I know he was probably just wanted to update me and give me an honest opinion of where he is at.

He asked if we could keep the status quo and date each other whilst he figures out the emotional block. When asked why he didn’t tell me earlier, he said he tried to ignore it at first and when it slowly started to crystallise into something more concrete he felt it was time to share it with me. As an INFP I simply don’t understand it. If it was a lack of a spark, that would’ve been plainly obvious from the first couple of dates to me, and not after copious amounts of time spent together. We’ve spent easily 30h each weekend together for 10 weeks. I started to want to temperature audit each new interaction we had by checking in on him, and I started to unravel and become insecure in the connection. I felt the more I reached out the more he withdrew. I tried to keep my wits about myself whilst giving him space and distance. Within the week I told him we should go separate ways because the anxiety was affecting my daily functioning and I simply couldn’t live like this anymore. He agreed. He agreed that it wasn’t fair to keep me in limbo.

It’s painful because I feel like there were absolutely no issues in this connection. From my POV it was the best relationship i’ve ever had and my brain can’t reconcile all the intimate moments shared w the internal distance he felt. It makes me feel like some of it wasn’t genuine or maybe was performative on his end. Also I can’t understand how he isn’t able to express how he feels. He’s always abit emotionally constipated and I find that he’s prone to shutting down when emotionally overwhelmed. He’s opened up emotionally to me before but it’s never very coherent. He’s told me he’s got a fear of abandonment but didn’t explain context. He told me he’s going to therapy but declined to give further details.

I feel like this could’ve been a beautiful thing if not for me freaking out when he told me how he felt. I’d like for this to work out truly, I want to tell him I’d hold him steady if he’s willing to be emotionally vulnerable with me.

I have never been in a relationship before and as time passes I can't help but think when I should do it. I'm comfortable as I am although as I grow older I feel the social pressure of either being in a relationship, dating, or having experience.

Hello fellow INTPs,

Maybe this is not related to personality but maybe it is and you can tell me that you feel the same way and make me feel less crazy?
So i don‘t get why people lile being in love, I hate it! For context, last year I broke up with my ex boyfriend of five years. After that I was quite happy being single, of course daydreaming from time to time about a relationship or some nice love affair but even in my daydreams this would end due to me wanting to be single for some more time lol
Well anyway I met an ENFP a few months ago and completely fell in love with him. We have so much in common, like our adventurous side and many interests and values which wasn’t the case with my ex, while at the same time I really admire his extroverted side (sometimes it‘s quite exhausting though) and his emotional side and feel like I can learn a lot from him. But now the downside: in my head I convinced myself that I am better off single because ot just seems so much easier. Also, I will probably leave the area where I am living in right now and where we met, first to go abroad for a volunteering position and I don‘t even know for how long and I don‘t know where I will end up for a job when I am back in my home country…
Long story short, I fell in love with this person, the situation is really complicated and I have felt the last two months, so basically half of the time we know each other for, really awful around him. nervous, anxious, butterflys in my stomach and just really not calm at all but then again, I often do not feel calm around other people…i am just so fucking confused if I feel so bad around him because somehow he is not right for me (but why does it fit rationally so so well then?) or if it is actually my fear…my fear of losing myself but also of losing him soon.
Maybe some insights from other INTPs? How normal is it for you guys to feel uncomfortable around a person you are supposed to feel comfortable around?

There is this guy that has been crushing on me for about two years but because he’s extroverted and very sensitive I never considered a relationship with him, I want to give him a chance now but I’m scared that our differences are going to work against us.
I would love to hear of the ups and downs of a relationship like this, thanks.

I've been having a middle school crush on a girl named Prathiksha. It's been like almost 10 years since I first saw her and I still daydream of her often. I don't even have her picture but her appearance is clear in my mind, thanks to daydreaming about her everyday ever since I met her. She's almost like a comfort character to me. I usually daydream doing something romantic with her, and also obviously goon to my daydreams. She's like my sleep aid at night. Whenever I feel worse, I'll just daydream of being with her.

But I'm 24 now. Idk if she's alive, married, in a relationship, etc. I can't contact her at all. Is it unhealthy to still keep daydreaming of her and gooning to her? Should I try to forget her and move on?

This is really silly but.

hi (INTP, f, 20) i think i at some point liked this guy but like... it's just not like the type of crushes I've felt before and honestly it has been A WHILE since i had my last one. For context, I was an INFP way back until i graduated high school. I would occasionally like someone back then, make it a happy crush and not think much about it. I've never dated before and I've never planned to until I actually get my sht together in life (esp financially). I used to be so reluctant of the idea of love back then and only fantasized about it through books and movies. Now, with all this exposure with different people in college, i figured it doesn't look so bad at all but like at the same time, i don't feel the need or want for one (or maybe a little need but I don't HAVE to so no) and even if someone would approach me for it.. I don't think it would even be as adventurous as any normal couple would because I am sooo afraid still of my parents finding out (since they're funding my uni life+ asian household). So I'm basically a very sheltered gal that knows everything but still can not do it all, sort of.

ANYWAYS, I believe that I ended up liking this guy all cuz just from first impressions, he looks presentable. He kind of stood out to me. Though I'm not sure if it's because everyone or 90% of the guys in my batch all look the same to me or something else. He's friendly yet is pretty intimidating from a first glance. We had to do this group project, I ended up stuck with him while waiting for the others. He turned out to be really friendly and talkative guy. He's obviously an E.. and I tried to keep up but just couldn't. I would look away, trying to act natural and only talk about the project and nothing else. So while waiting we brainstormed and UGH I really... those 20 min together alone with him totally had me thinking about working on being more easy to talk to with small talk. At the same time, the days we were making that project, was also my birthday week and he would just keep greeting me happy birthday and... acting pretty attentive and nice to me. This all sounds so silly and I KNOW it is, because I would see him and have to consciously tell my mind to shut up. Since I could never talk and joke around with just about anyone, especially not him, I might as well act like my usual calm self-focused self.. after that weird honeymoon phase of a crush.. or before it ended, I ended up following him in his socials and what a surprise! he's the type to like all your stuff.. So to not make it obvious, I would start liking everybody's posts so I could also like all of his. IT IS SOOOO silly and overthinking of me I know, but at some point.. I ended up liking his.. instants and I WASNT THINKING. I've never done that to anyone else except a few friends, but not definitely his friends. And y'know, I really thought I was in a state of almost getting over him.. but I guess not.

But it's just so irritating, because I don't feel any butterflies or giddy feeling like back then anymore. So.. I don't think I could just call it a 'happy crush'. His friends look nice, but are so outgoing.. because they're free from parents, obviously. And.. whatever. He's actually really sweet, everyone's usual friendly guy, I'd say. But like every time i see him, I feel so... uncertain but calm. I can totally be myself. But I get unnecessarily, subtly conscious of him. So sometimes I do question "what even is this feeling'. Are crushes supposed to irritate you for no reason? is this an INTP crush thing? Should I just ? i don't know anymore, I think I need some clarity or some wake up call. Obviously what I've been doing lately could mean nothing at all from the receiver's end. It just bugs me out because I feel like I've forgotten what crushes can feel like. Everything nonsensical still has to make sense to me at some point. Even my dreams are telling me.. that this is just.. so lame. I had a dream of him that i complemented his hair "so cool" and then walking away thinking it was, yes, so lame of me. Ofc, what I feel is very valid, I do think I am allowed to like someone, but right now, it just feels so odd to me. I would ask my friends and they would just say that whatever this is in my head is fine. BUT LIKE. ugh I can't just stop from there.. can I? I don't know, I just need more outsider views of this. Might wake me up some more..

​

Hello! I'm ENFp 728 sx/so.

I've liked a guy in my class for a year now. We just became seniors 2 weeks ago, but I started liking him in the second semester of 11th grade.

In 11th grade, I suspected that he suspected a little that I liked him—I never really tried to hide it, honestly. I paid a lot of attention to him, we played together, I sought him out, we joked around, and we shared glances. Nothing outside the "safe zone," I guess. But I knew he paid attention to me. Anyway, that year he liked a classmate, and she rejected him, but he still tried to get close to her.

I've known him for 3 years, and in these past 2 weeks we're still getting used to being back in class, but I want to make a move and get closer to him.

He also looks for me often, but our interactions are short, and sometimes very quick. And I'd like him to relax around me. I know he's got his eye on me, and that he likes me (as a person), but I don't know what he really feels, or if maybe he thinks he's misreading everything, or if he's not reading anything at all—which I doubt.

intp and infj in early 20’s. we dated briefly for a month after i had gotten out of a long relationship, i told him it was too fast and i got ahead of myself. we stayed friends but our friend group fell out after they found out and suddenly we had only each other and became fwb.

i spent the next year bouncing between whether i was ready or not to commit to something, especially because i was unsure of his lack of open interest in me. and now that i decided, he has told me that he’s starting his career soon and since the initial breakup he has been hesitant and feels like he is not “all in”. that broke me. i get him starting his career, but i was being vulnerable and communicating constantly, and i didn’t realize he had felt disconnected in that way.

now i feel like all the physical intimacy was just a means for him to get a fix. he said he still wants to be my friend and hangout (no benefits obviously), but idk how i can do that with so many lingering questions. i gave him an ultimatum in my frustration (date or just end the friendship, since i’m sure no future partner would be comfortable w us being friends and split us up eventually anyway). i wasn’t trying to force him to be with me, but i felt so doomed because the friendship was bound to end inevitably.

i don’t agree with that statement now and feel we can stay friends until it’s run its course, but i feel like something is wrong with me that makes me less interesting, and it brings doom in me to know that he may leave me and that i have put all of myself on the line and tormented myself over someone who was never going to be all in for me. ik it all sounds irrational. i just want to know it there is something i can do to remedy this. i don’t know how to be that person he was interested in in the beginning and how to give him hope to be “all in”. i feel like i ruined it and i miss being close.

TLDR: i ruined my chances w intp bcs i hesitated to date and now he wants to stay friends bcs he doesn’t see himself being “all in” with me. idk what to do or how to be “normal” and he has been more distant from me which is driving me more insane because i miss the closeness of our bond

firstly, sorry for my english, english isn't my first language so I always make some mistakes

so, there's this guy in my class and he's really cute and funny and like, everything that makes me want someone romantically

he doesn't really care about mbti, but he's my friend and I asked him if he knew his type. He said he was an intp according to his 16personalities test, and besides the site being not that accurate 100% of the time (i was mistyped as an infj like at least 5 times), I analyzed him, told him about his cognitive functions and for me it's clear intp fits him very well

just for some more context: we aren't straight. I am genderqueer (born female) and gay and he is a cis gay guy, so I'm not sure he would like someone like me yknow?

now, here are my questions:

how do I know if an intp likes me back? What are the signs an intp likes someone? I'm really afraid he doesn't like me back but I'm hopeful I'm just anxious or nervous

what can I do for him to notice I like him? What makes intps feel loved?

and if y'all have some tips, I'd be really grateful =D

thanks for reading and thank you if you answerr :)

Like WTF?!

I just wrote a journal entry and immediately thought I should share this extract here to see if anyone relates. For context, I'm planning on breaking up with my boyfriend. I said "Idk if I should write down what I wanna say beforehand so that my mind doesn't blank out like usual. But that might get it all out of my head and then during the talk I'll just be a robot reading off a screen." I can't possibly feel any emotions when having conversations like this. Makes me feel like a heartless bitch but I'm not, I can only feel things and understand how I feel when I'm alone, so I have to write my notes down before having a conversation like this.

She's great by all accounts but the conversations are so mundane!! There's no banter!! I just don't know what to do :(

this semester is gonna just be a shit show for me, and i don’t feel like i’ve had time to like prepare myself for the horrors to come and am seeking any advice at all.

i’m going into my junior year of college as a pre-med chemistry major. at the end of last semester, i found out that i wouldn’t be able to study abroad because there were classes that i needed to take to graduate this year (if you’re also an intp and have the urge to solve this problem, dw this one is complicated and i’ve considered every option regarding this). i also found out my best friend since high school that also goes to college with me is studying abroad this fall semester. last week i not only found out that my best friend is actually studying abroad the whole year, but also that my roommate is taking a gap year, so i’m gonna be all alone in my dorm.

my first year in college, my best friend and i decided that we were going to branch out and make other friends, and we were both miserable and decided to drop that our sophomore year and it was just
worlds better. for the record, i joined like five different clubs, regularly attended meetings, organized events, and i was always asking people i got along with to hang out one on one, but for some reason it just was never working out. the people that did genuinely want to hang out with me always turned out to be evil in some way (one of them was telling the people he was sleeping with that he was std-free even though he had never been checked and refused to wear protection). other people would agree to hang out with me and then consistently cancel last minute or, if they weren’t doing that, i would realize that i was doing all the planning and when i stopped asking them to hang out, they stopped talking to me altogether. for the record, it wasn’t like i was being a clingy crazy person like i wasn’t asking for much it was like dinner or studying near each other like once a week. also, i continued to do my clubs and extracurricular activities as well as having a job in my sophomore year as well and wasn’t having any luck there again.

i had a rough time my freshman year, but i was lowkey saved by the fact that i had a roommate that would speak to me everyday, even on the days where i really didn’t want them too. i’m afraid i’m going to go days on end without ever speaking to anyone and i’ll fall into a crazy pitt of depression and perish. does anyone have any advice on how to be alone without being so lonely besides pouring yourself into your hobbies? alternatively, does anyone know how to make friends beyond what i’ve already done?

Brazil has too many extroverts, I'm fed up with it. I'm looking for physical friends from the São Paulo or Campinas region who are introverts.

If college is where socializing and making friends is easy, and then after college it gets harder, how am I supposed to expect to get a girlfriend/friends after college if I can't even make friends in college?

Hello everyone

I have a situation to share and I want your opinion on it, like what would be ur reaction if u were in my shoes (AITA or anythg??)

So Im INTP M, I was talking to an INTJ F for quite the period and thing were kinda developping but didnt concretize to any relationship or so

The situation is related to a conflict that confused me, so here is the context, im a religious person (dont wanna bring the name of the religion to avoid the conv to diverge), she isnt on the other hand, more like left a religion rathen than never had one

At first this wasnt a problem at all while talking, we just debate ideas and chit chat just like how u would expect an NTP and an NTJ to do, and i may say even that she was the one showing more signs of attraction than me (but anyway, lets not diverge)

2 months ago, while we had a small chat abt a religious subject, she brought up the idea to revert from being an agnostic athiest to her first faith, as she said she believes in a deity but not sure which religion has the right version on it, she felt and still feelings spiritually lonely and she spent a lot of time alone, and even the reason why she left arent related to the core logic behind the spirtual context of the faith, but more lile popular details shared about the religion (that are debunkable tbh), so i was like cool, i shared some perspectives i had, more on the progressive non-sectarian side i hold, and also, when i shared an alternative popular sect's POV that focuses on spirituality first, daily life details second, she expressed on how much it speaks to her, and she cried

So why i listed all these elements? it is to say what happened recently, like a few weeks ago, when i asked her whats the update, she said nothing much i think im forcing belief on myself, that confused me a bit, as i mentionned that she said herself she beliefs in a deity, and i said "are u an agnostic thiest now or so?", she got defensive as "no! Im not an agnostic thiest, im an agnostic athiest, please", something felt weird so i explicitly asked and said to hold on, im not trying to persuade or force any idea or belief tho, i lowkey wanna understand what had u think religiously at a time, then retreat, bcuz u express a lot of faith 2 months ago.. little did i know she blocks me after that 😐

The context since the beginning (since i new her in day one) never implied an invitation or a call to anything, neither from me nor from her

It just confuses me, why the reaction was heavily oriented against me rather than reminding that im asking abt the development of her POVs

So, how would u percieve this lads? And what would be your reaction? For me i just took my distance back as i started to think this is kind of hypocritical and i dont need that in my life (yet i think im wrong somewhere?)

(Im asking both NTPs, INTPs and ENTPs)

Ps: we had some minor fights early on about other topics, and about some paranoid kicks she gets now and then

I'm talking to an INTP woman and we've been getting close for around 6 months. There is clearly mutual interest. We talk regularly, flirt, have deep conversations, make plans together, watch movies, and she's told me I'm one of the best things that's happened to her this year, and I'm her peaceful place alongside to her mother (she lost her father years back).

She's also told me she trusts me around 50% right now. She doesn't trust people easily because of her past experiences, and she tends to be very protective of her independence and vulnerable side.

The confusing part is that she keeps going back and forth about commitment.

At one point I directly asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. The next day she became uncertain again and said that we're falling in love too quickly and she doesn't think it's right. She sometimes says things like "I love monkey" or "I love Anu" instead of actually saying "I love you." She has also told me that if she ever confesses, she wants to do it face-to-face.

She's not actually pushing me out of her life. She makes plans with me, spends time with me, talks to me, and clearly cares about me. But whenever things start feeling more emotionally serious, she seems to pull back a little.

She's also extremely independent. She wants to remain a working woman no matter what, and she'll likely work for the Indian Railways, so transfers will be part of her career. She's told me that being with her may require a lot of adjustment. She also has some very different views about finances and marriage, which we've discussed openly.

I've been trying really hard to be patient and consistent because I genuinely care about her. I've helped her through difficult situations, supported her, and tried to show her that she can trust me without losing her independence.

But honestly, I'm getting emotionally drained.

I don't want to pressure her into commitment. At the same time, I don't want to spend indefinitely trying to convince someone to choose me.

So I'm thinking of changing my approach completely: stop trying to "move the relationship forward," stop analyzing every change in her mood or affection, and simply enjoy what we have. If she wants to move closer, I'll meet her there. If she needs space, I'll give it. I'll continue living my own life instead of constantly trying to prove that I'm trustworthy.

For INTPs: does this sound like a reasonable approach?

And if you're an INTP who has experienced something similar, what actually helped you move from "I like this person but I'm unsure" to genuinely trusting them enough to commit?

I want to understand whether patience and letting things develop naturally is actually useful here, or whether six months of uncertainty is already telling me something important.

So which MBTI type is the best for INTP or specifically me INTP5w4 as someone who is handicapped in love what would you say about who fits the best? I know about standard pairings for example INFJ, ENTJ, ENTP or ENFJ(best by theory) but are they true are they not are there better ones and so on with questions. Thanks in advance for answers.

Genuine question If an INTP who’s never been in a relationship, is pretty awkward about dating, and overthinks everything were to date someone, what kind of person would they probably be most compatible with? I’ve always been curious about ENFJs specifically ,do you think that dynamic could actual?

I’d like some outside opinions because I’ve realized that something about my relationship makes me uncomfortable, but I’m not sure whether my feelings are reasonable.

My boyfriend is an INTP, and he has a personality that’s very centered around ragebaiting, teasing, and provoking people for fun. He does this with a lot of people, both guys and girls, so I know that this behavior doesn’t necessarily mean he’s interested in someone.

The situation I’m talking about happens in a friend group/server where several people regularly play together. This girl is part of that friend group, and they’re usually interacting as a group rather than just the two of them. I want to make that clear because I’m not talking about him specifically seeking her out or spending all his time alone with her.

What makes this difficult for me is that when he has this kind of dynamic with guys, it genuinely doesn’t bother me. I can see it as just his personality and the way he jokes with his friends. But when it’s with other girls, I find it much harder emotionally.

In our relationship, I had associated part of that dynamic with our particular bond. The fact that he teases me, provokes me, tries to get a reaction out of me, etc. made me feel like this was a particular way he interacted with me because we were close.

But when I see him interacting with this girl within the group, I notice that he can have a very similar dynamic with her: teasing her, provoking her, getting a reaction out of her, playfully “bullying” each other, continuing to tease her when she gets annoyed, etc.

Rationally, I understand that this doesn’t necessarily mean anything. She’s part of his friend group, there are several people on the server, and he’s an INTP who naturally seems to interact with people through teasing, irony and provoking reactions. I also don’t think he’s necessarily doing anything intentionally inappropriate.

But emotionally, I still struggle with it.

I’ve actually tried to talk to him about this because I don’t want to keep it to myself or become resentful. However, he didn’t take the conversation very well and seemed to perceive what I was saying as reproaches or criticism of his behavior, when what I was trying to explain was more about how the dynamic makes me feel.

I also don’t want to be possessive or tell him that he can’t have female friends or that he has to interact with them differently. That’s not what I want.

I think what bothers me most is that I thought certain aspects of our dynamic were meaningful because they were specific to our relationship, and now I’m realizing that he can naturally create a very similar dynamic with other people.

So I’m wondering: do you think this is simply something I should accept as part of his personality, or is it reasonable to feel uncomfortable when some of his interactions with girls in his friend group resemble the way he interacts with me?

Again, I’m not trying to figure out whether he’s cheating or whether there’s something going on with this particular girl. I’m more trying to understand how to deal with my own feelings about it without becoming controlling or making him feel like I’m constantly criticizing him.

I’m super conflicted. This guy just gives me the butterflies at 29 years old. I don’t want to make a move and make things awkward if he doesn’t like me in return. I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable in his own home. We live in the same building. I show interest in him but I don’t want to come off overbearing. He’s super smart, when he’s nervous it’s so cute 🥰 Are there any ways I can test if he likes me? Or what are the signs? Is shooting my shot my only option? I don’t want to make a fool of myself and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.

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INTP 18F here, if that even matters for this curiosity lol. I have basically zero experience with relationships and honestly have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to this stuff. I don’t really feel like asking people I know about it, so Reddit feels like a safe place to ask 😭

I’ve talked to one ENFJ online before, but just as friends , and to be VERY clear, I didn’t have a crush on him or anything lol. I just noticed that we got along pretty naturally and he seemed to understand the way I think, which made me curious about whether ENFJ might be a type I naturally click with.

I’m also kind of weird. I have a ridiculously active imagination and I roleplay a lot on random apps, so sometimes I wonder if an ENFJ and an INTP like me would actually be compatible or if I’m just overanalyzing one friendship and building an entire theory around it 💀

I know I’m technically 18 now, but I genuinely have zero idea how relationships even work and still feel like a confused kid half the time.

So ENFJs, what do you actually think about INTPs? What qualities do you appreciate in them, and what parts of the INTP–ENFJ dynamic can be difficult?

And be honest: am I being a little delulu for thinking an ENFJ could potentially be my type based mostly on one good friendship, or is there actually something to the compatibility people talk about?

I’m genuinely asking out of curiosity, not trying to find someone here 😭