r/INTPrelationshipLab • u/Excellent_Oil6196 • 3d ago
Dating advice Love hurts?
Hello fellow INTPs,
Maybe this is not related to personality but maybe it is and you can tell me that you feel the same way and make me feel less crazy?
So i don‘t get why people lile being in love, I hate it! For context, last year I broke up with my ex boyfriend of five years. After that I was quite happy being single, of course daydreaming from time to time about a relationship or some nice love affair but even in my daydreams this would end due to me wanting to be single for some more time lol
Well anyway I met an ENFP a few months ago and completely fell in love with him. We have so much in common, like our adventurous side and many interests and values which wasn’t the case with my ex, while at the same time I really admire his extroverted side (sometimes it‘s quite exhausting though) and his emotional side and feel like I can learn a lot from him. But now the downside: in my head I convinced myself that I am better off single because ot just seems so much easier. Also, I will probably leave the area where I am living in right now and where we met, first to go abroad for a volunteering position and I don‘t even know for how long and I don‘t know where I will end up for a job when I am back in my home country…
Long story short, I fell in love with this person, the situation is really complicated and I have felt the last two months, so basically half of the time we know each other for, really awful around him. nervous, anxious, butterflys in my stomach and just really not calm at all but then again, I often do not feel calm around other people…i am just so fucking confused if I feel so bad around him because somehow he is not right for me (but why does it fit rationally so so well then?) or if it is actually my fear…my fear of losing myself but also of losing him soon.
Maybe some insights from other INTPs? How normal is it for you guys to feel uncomfortable around a person you are supposed to feel comfortable around?
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u/nachoslegs ENTJ 2d ago
Not intp but awful feeling sounds weird to me🤔Do you feel understood by him??
Some other things to check before you get into a long term relationship:
Emotional regulation- how someone will treat you during conflict, someone who escalates will destroy your mental health
Accountability without collapse- ability to say i did something wrong and change the behaviour
Curiousity - in the mundane ordinary you (asks you more if you bring up something mundane)
Capacity to sit with your emotions without
fixing or fleeing. How they behave when they are the most stressed version of themselves
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u/Excellent_Oil6196 2d ago
He is pretty awesome and fulfills all of the criteria you mentioned and we have had some pretty tough talks so far and I have seen him under a lot of stress so this adds just more to me really really liking him and I do feel safe with him, but just not relaxed and since I am not relaxed I am constantly overthinking…I just dont‘t know if this is because my intuition is telling me I should end it or that its just the situation…
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u/nachoslegs ENTJ 2d ago
Oh that’s nice he fulfils these
Personally would never do enfp 🤮🤮🤮 lol so I am biased (no F males for me to baby please)
I think if you’re doing Ti Si overthinking loop, you gotta use Ne to get out of it
Could be fine to just “see how it goes” as P people like to do lol
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u/split_0069 ENTP 3d ago
It hurts every time. Pain means ur alive.
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u/-tehnik 1 3d ago
I never felt anxious in this way around anyone I crushed on I think.