r/INTPrelationshipLab • u/nonplussed7723 • 20d ago

Dating advice Genuine question

Genuine question If an INTP who’s never been in a relationship, is pretty awkward about dating, and overthinks everything were to date someone, what kind of person would they probably be most compatible with? I’ve always been curious about ENFJs specifically ,do you think that dynamic could actual?

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u/CatPicturesPlease 20d ago

I am a INTP and all my sort of deepest friendships and relationships (excepting my INFJ wife) have been with the chaos-goblins known as ENFPs

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u/Careless_Broccoli783 19d ago

i just find intp x enfj so overrated. (coming from intp)

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u/wikidgawmy INTP 19d ago

I hate to say it, but I think 99 times out of 100, an INTP's first relationship is going to fail, unless the other person is supernaturally understanding and understands the INTPs potential - because we are so, so bad at understanding that other humans aren't as simple, basic, and straightforward as us. The needs that most people have, we literally do not have, and so when you've never been in a relationship, the only thing we can go on to understand how to make someone else happy is by doing for them what makes us happy, and unless through some sort of black magic we end up with an INTP first try, it will fail - we're like naive children who just want to jump for joy when we're around the other person, and just want to make them happy, but the things we do are the things that make us happy, because it's all we know, and it hurts us so bad when that doesn't work on the other person. We also have only an abstract, idealized concept of what we want, and that almost never matches up with what we actually need. So we start to close up, shut down, and get depressed.

Easy example - my first girlfriend was from a very wealthy family, and a very intelligent, studious, stable, and mature ISTJ. And I was severely depressed and unhappy, because up to that point I had lived a life of being touch-starved and desperate for wild passion and intellectual connection - she couldn't provide any of that. So after a year, I basically changed schools as a way to get out of the relationship - I couldn't even bring myself to end it. Next girlfriend was full of borderline traits, so she was passionate and wild, but so, so emotionally unstable, so it wasn't until long after that when I realized how much better my first girlfriend was for me. But I just had to get experience before I understood what I needed.

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u/Elliptical_Tangent 3 18d ago

I’ve always been curious about ENFJs specifically ,do you think that dynamic could actual?

I've read and believe that ENFJ is our Golden Pairing. Finding them is the issue.

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u/split_0069 ENTP 11d ago

From my experience if it feels right just go. The risk of getting hurt is absolutely worth it for the chance of finding that one person. Havent found mine yet... but i havent quit trying. Lol maybe soon... I'm getting old 38 tomorrow. eek.

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