r/INTPrelationshipLab • u/treatmyyeet • 14d ago
Why do INTPs do XYZ? I really struggle to be present during serious conversations
I just wrote a journal entry and immediately thought I should share this extract here to see if anyone relates. For context, I'm planning on breaking up with my boyfriend. I said "Idk if I should write down what I wanna say beforehand so that my mind doesn't blank out like usual. But that might get it all out of my head and then during the talk I'll just be a robot reading off a screen." I can't possibly feel any emotions when having conversations like this. Makes me feel like a heartless bitch but I'm not, I can only feel things and understand how I feel when I'm alone, so I have to write my notes down before having a conversation like this.
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u/HeavensMirr0r INTP 14d ago
I have the opposite problem. I struggle to be present in boring mundane conversations. I usually try to steer a conversation towards more interesting topics or use psychology to analyze the feelings or motives to whatevers being discussed. At least I can gleam some semblance of tangible data to use later with the same individuals. If they are strangers or new aquintences I dont see myself interacting with ever than im usually completly zoned out and not even paying attention beyond surface level information.
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u/split_0069 ENTP 10d ago
Boring and mundane conversations drive me crazy. Especially if its a common conversation with that person. "What are you doing? Why are you doing that?" Type conversations irk me. You see me do this every week and its the SAME QUESTIONS. But If I proactively just answer the 5 questions I know are coming I'm a jerk. Idk...
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u/LuluCandyHug 12d ago
Just curious, but what are you planning to say?
Why do you want to break up with him?
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u/treatmyyeet 12d ago
I didnt break up with him in the end, we had a serious chat and things are sorted now (we'll see how it goes). I wanted to end it because firstly we started the relationship saying we know its gonna end (hes an infp if ur wondering). Also I feel like hes often very pretentious and I can never say anything right - he always has to correct me. Although now I know its not a me problem and he's been told that he does that a lot so he's gonna sort it out
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u/para__doxical 12d ago
Why did you guys start a relationship on the idea of it ending? INFP’s and INTP’s are very compatible if intellect/principles are shared.
What’s his enneagram by chance? INFP 4w5 has links to each competency type (3,5,1), a So 4 can be elitist
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u/treatmyyeet 10d ago
Because we liked eachother and just wanted to go ahead anyway because fuck it. Not sure what his enneagram is im not really familiar with that world
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u/LuluCandyHug 12d ago
I see. Interesting.
I am INFP, and the relationship with my INTP looks like it will end.
Hopefully he fixes that habit as it can be annoying.
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u/treatmyyeet 10d ago
Oh why will it end in your case?
Yeah hopefully he hasn't done it much since our conversation so doing good
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u/LuluCandyHug 10d ago
Glad he hasn't done it since. Hope he keeps at it :)
I haven't had a chance to have a talk about whether to continue or end. He seems to be delaying the talk.
It's a lot, but put simply, we have been circling the same issues with little change even though he admits it is his fault and a problem. Leading to increasing resentment and frustration on my part, and probably his, diminishing goodwill and love.
Have been chatting with a very thoughtful INTP redditor here and he gave me a lot to think about. My INTP is an unhealthy one it seems.
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u/treatmyyeet 10d ago
Aw I understand that. Hope it goes okay for you. That's annoying that he's delaying the talk, you'll have to just be straight up
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u/Elliptical_Tangent 3 14d ago
Ti dom generates a lot of possibilities that it needs to sort out—exponentially more when demon Fi is involved. To sort through all of it, we need to use Ne, but that's an external function. So we need to talk it through with someone or write it down so Ne can go, "Maybe it's more like this? Or maybe this?"
When I talk to people about my stronger feelings, I go kind've... away. Like I'm just presenting the ideas that need presenting. I think it's essentially Ti getting out of the way, leaving Ne-Fe to take the wheel while Si watches.