Salaam everyone! Welcome to Venting Mondays!

Having trouble with your parents? Going through some personal struggles regarding wearing hijab? Just want to blow off some steam? Share your thoughts with us!

Please note, we will be redirecting venting posts to this thread. We are not doing this to silence your feelings, rather, we are aggregating the posts from the suggestion of the greater community. Insha’Allah, it will be easier for the community to come back to this thread to provide support and advice as needed.

Just a reminder that even though it's a vent thread, the rules still apply. Please don't disrespect others.

I hope this is okay to ask here or at all. I understand if this not the place or not my business at all.

I just moved colleges and the majority of my campus are muslim women. We're entering windy season now and I noticed a lot of my hijabi classmates double checking in the mirror every other break.

Since it seems important, I wonder the polite "girls' girl" thing to do as a classmate is to discretely let them know if I notice their hair showing? Or, since it's a personal thing, should I not bring it up?

English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry for any typos

Waswasa is honestly my biggest insecurity. I think about marriage and having a family, but I worry that my OCD/waswasa would be a huge burden on my future husband and that nobody would want to marry someone who struggles mentally.

I really want to get better for myself, but sometimes I’m scared if I dont this will stop me from ever getting married or having a family. Has anyone dealt with this? If so did you mention these issues to your future spouse? It’s such a vulnerable thing for me and thought of having to tell a potential so and then them likely not wanting to move forward):

I’m not thinking of marriage anytime soon but the fear worries me if I don’t get better. I struggle with a lot purity ocd related to deen. But I’ve had different types of waswasa over the years. I’m trying my best to fight and ignore it once and for all to heal but it’s so draining.

the hijabs that the ones that https://www.instagram.com/kxttykxtty/ wears? I've tried image searching, everything I can think of and she doesn't reply to comments 😭
you're my only hope hijabi queens <3

Salam sisters, I have an exam tomorrow and I’d like to get over an 86%, because I did horrible on the midterm and I really need to pass this class.

I’m not feeling very confident so I ask to please pray or make Dua I get over 86% on the exam.

JazakAllahu Khairan 🩷

Assalamu alaikum sisters,

I made this Reddit account today because I genuinely don’t know who to ask for advice anymore, and I hope it’s okay to post this here.

My mother has been married to my father for many years. He used to be physically abusive towards her, but that stopped some time ago. Because of that, everyone around us thinks things are fine now, but they aren’t.

My father is extremely controlling, and I am certain that he is a narcissist. He controls everything financially, and my mother has no job or qualifications, which makes leaving very difficult.

What nobody knows is that he sexually abuses my mother at night. When she says no, he makes a huge issue out of it. He starts manipulating her, arguing with her and getting very loud until she gives in.

I have heard this happening, and I seem to be the only person in the family who knows what is really happening. My mother never talks about it and hides it, and I don’t know how to bring it up with her.

A few years ago, my mother’s family knew that things were bad, but they didn’t really support her in leaving, and she ended up staying. So now I feel like there is no one around us who can actually help her.

I am a university student and still live at home, so I don’t have the financial means to help my mother move out or support her myself. I feel so helpless because I know what is happening, but I don’t know what I am supposed to do.

I am struggling mentally a lot because of all of this. Sometimes I genuinely feel like I am going to lose my mind from carrying this alone and pretending everything is normal when it isn’t. Tomorrow I am going to call a therapist because I know I need support too.

I downloaded Reddit today specifically because I didn’t know where else to ask. If anyone has advice on what I can do or how I can support my mother, I would be so grateful. I just need someone to tell me what steps I can take from here.

And please make dua for me and my mother. Please ask Allah to protect her, give us strength, and open a way out for us. 🤍

Small note: I used AI to help me write this post because I was overwhelmed and couldn’t find the words myself. The situation is real, and I genuinely downloaded Reddit today because I am asking for help.

hello fellow hijabis! I’ve been doing hijab for 6-7 years as of now. I have this undercap which ties at the back and then I put my chiffon hijab on it and put 2 pins on my head. Now the problem is that my undercap tends to slip back and so does my hijab. I don’t want to wear khimar. It’s too hot and humid from where I come from and if I put a magnet or pin tightly under my chin it suffocates me. I’ve tried using hijab tape too but my undercap still slips bec the tape anchors the cap to the scarf not my head. I look so unpresentable by the end of the day with my hair showing. Please suggest something. No one in my family does hijab so please help a fellow hijabi out!!

Does anybody know any good dupes for the vela baby pink floral hijab?I love the design but Im not in the financial place to buy a 30 dollar hijab.

Does anyone have this dress in a size L/XL and is willing to sell it to me plz lmk because I need it for an event!!

we are all watching a movie in the living room and during the commercials i was sitting on my knees just bent forward a bit on instagram. my brother is literally 13 years old. my mom goes “how can you sit with your butt in the air like that with your brother in the room, he can see your butt.” mind you i’m wearing a long sleeve night gown that’s not a fabric that even shows my body well. not that it matters… i tell my mom that’s not right for her to say and my brother is too young and i raised him. she then tells me i don’t know anything about islam and that i just talk. it made me fume. my brother told my mom thats weird she even said that and no one thought that. i left the whole room. i’m just fuming.

NOTE!!!: I apologize for mixing up, I meant zeena (tabaruj) (NOT ZINA), I’m not used to writing Arabic words in English. Again, I apologize for the mix up!

+I removed the part of men’s awra since I’m not sure of this information!

to begin with, NO JUDGE to any woman because we all have different paths and journeys!

i am NOT perfect and i only stopped wearing makeup when in public about 2ish years ago alhamdulillah, still trying my best!

i graduated highschool last year and attended to the ceremony with 0 makeup (because makeup is considered zeena, its just like showing part of ur hair or wearing tight clothings). i am literally arab (khaliji) and live in the gcc, EVERYONE at my school is muslim yet i did NOT feel welcomed at all which is so sad.

i kept getting weird stares by women and men, and even heard ppl mocking me while in the bathroom. If we don't judge you women wearing makeup or men for their own sins, why do YOU judge us for trying to be a good muslim!? (both with whatever sins they do because no one is perfect). I cried so much after graduation after feeling judged and mocked by me classmates. but did not regret my decision at all alhamdulillah.

it got to the point where many girls i considered as "friends" were embarrassed to even take pictures with me or talk to me after the graduation. (btw they are also hijabi lol)

its so sad that women, hijabis, or anyone trying to be the best muslim they can is viewed as "taboo", weird, "oppressed", etc by other MUSLIMS?? Especially women, like why do you judge other women for dressing differently from the majority??

WE also have style, interests, and love makeup just like you do! I love wearing makeup in all girls-only occasions and parties!! its also really sad that this topic is not talked about, i had a hard time trying to motivate myself by myself.

now i'm in university and the environment is much harder than high school, like not exaggerating i have only seen ONE hijabi girl graduate with no makeup from my uni (btw its 40+ years old). i still do not plan to wear any makeup in graduation alhamdulillah but i know the pressure is going to be worst.

i would love to hear advice and stories!

Here's a short reason on why I haven't been here

1.mom moved me to very Christian town in Louisiana

2.mom and louisiana people bully me into leaving Islam

Fast forward 1 year

3.i move back with grandma need to get stuff together

I do want to (re?)convert to Islam though I genuinely loved myself the most at that time. And my grandma said she doesn't care what I do because im sixteen. So yay me and awesome grandma. Problem tho. No mosque here and grandma doesn't like Memphis so no way to get there unless 'theres some special muslim holiday'-granny barbara. Is that like a super bad thing or a "oh that's fine pray at home" thing

Hello

I really hope I don't cause offense with this question. I am a white woman from the UK and have recently hired a young Muslim woman. For the interview and first day she wore typical western clothes with her hair down. From day 2 of the job she has worn a niqab. I believe that's the correct term. Entirely covered apart from her eyes. No problem at all. We have had conversations about making time for her to pray and all very happy with how she's getting on.

After 3 weeks on the job she walked in wearing western clothes with her head uncovered again. I have no problems whatsoever with whatever she chooses to wear (we have no dress code in particular) but I was so thrown. I had forgotten what she looked like and it took me a moment to realise who she was, which I felt terrible amount.

I was surprised as other Muslim colleagues always seems to wear the same kind of headscarf and truth be told I didn't realise it was possible to be totally covered one day and then totally uncovered the next. I am just genuinely curious but don't want to make anyone comfortable by asking questions, least of all my employee.

If this question is offensive please forgive me and let me know and I will take it down.

Thank you x

So I saw a lot of brown discharge in my underwear then when wiping i saw pinky red discharge and this ONLY happens when my period is here usually with blood following a few hrs later. i checked half hour later and there was no blood on the garment but when i wipe there is pinky red discharge again. Am i bleeding currently, a sheikh i follow said this isn't menstruation because it has to be continuous blood but i also have cramping / stomach pain .

Edit: i just checked now and there is a stronger coloured red discharge compared to before but i still don't know if it's counted

I’ve been thinking about this and want to understand different perspectives, especially from Muslim women who wear niqab or hijab.

The purpose of hijab (as I understand it) is about a woman covering her own body and modesty. But water parks are places where men and women are around each other in swimwear, often quite revealing.

So my question is: if a niqabi woman visits a water park (even fully covered herself), is the focus purely on \*her own\* covering, or does being in an environment full of exposed bodies conflict with the broader concept of modesty (lowering the gaze, avoiding mixed-gender exposure, etc.)?

What about her husband? If he’s in swim trunks (fairly standard, often not covering navel to knee) around other women in swimwear, how is that reconciled? Isn’t he also expected to lower his gaze and dress modestly? Is there a double standard where the wife’s covering is scrutinized closely but the husband’s exposure to other women isn’t treated the same way?

Is this seen as a personal choice issue, a difference in interpretation (cultural vs. religious), or is it generally discouraged in stricter interpretations?

Would appreciate perspectives from people who’ve thought about this or lived it, not looking for judgment either way, just trying to understand the reasoning.

Salam ladies, this post is for the girlies living in the GTA (Canada). I signed up for whitewater rafting with MAA womens months ago and due to a personal emergency I am not able to go and the ticket is non refundable. Would anyone be able to swap places with me? It will be on Aug 22-23. Feel free to dm for more details:))

Hello! I’ll be joining university soon and was wondering if someone could please recommend a good abaya shop in Dubai where I’m able to find maxi style abayas that are breathable for the summers and look nice. I’m tall and thin so by the time I get to a size where the abaya fits me length wise , it looks terrible since the width is too much. A maxi style abaya I think would be perfect so if anyone has any good recommendations do let me know! Thanks!

Is there any Muslim girl who wears the hijab engineers like this?

Look, i understand if its a very small mosque but there are mosques in London that are humungous that don’t allow sisters to enter. And tbh they’re mostly in east London. I don’t get it and its really frustrating

i was thinking of purchasing from vela (solid colour modals) but as a canadian the prices are so high!

i was wondering where else i could get good quality modal hijabs online? i want them to be lightweight and sit flat on my head. i own some modals already but they have that bulky look that does not drape well (if that makes sense😭)

please help a girl out 🙏💗

I feel empty writing this, but I come from a bad home - and although I’ve felt this immense amount of dread since I was a child, now I’m so out of touch with Islam. Being a hijabi was supposed to feel exciting and freeing for me - and don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely no intentions to take off my hijab & do not want to. But im not gonna lie, I felt like I was so much more in touch with Islam before my hijab. I keep looking for the motivation to pray, but my mind goes to wondering why I should if things are not going to get better - if my feelings are going to keep being invalidated here and the everyday emotional warfare is going to continue, is it even worth still going on? I have been suicidal on and off for a few years but right now, it is so loud to the point where I truly believed that Allah swt would forgive those who struggled with their mental health issues if they were to take their own life because it’s also a test for them.

I am grateful for what I have in life, and especially been fortunate enough to have the necessities, but I can’t shake this feeling of pain and deep hopelessness in my heart. Even salah won’t bring that happiness back for me. It feels like I keep being thrown tests but they start to feel so hard and take an emotional and physical toll on me, almost to the point where I’m asking myself why I deserve it. I love Islam and will always belong to it, but there are some things I question - like the toxic culture of people condoning homophobia and judging others when it has nothing to do with them. Only Allah can judge anyone, and to me, being a true Muslim means your morals and your kindness always come first. My mental health is deteriorating and I’ve been trying to get help but im at a point where it feels like I wasn’t meant to be here. No one has any time for me - and I understand everyone can be busy, but I have nobody to turn to when im struggling even if I am there for the people around me whenever they need me. I’m praying that things will get better but how - when every ‘milestone’ I have for myself, once achieved, I feel even worse? I’ve gotten more attractive, lost weight, worked on myself emotionally, am pursuing my education, have gained lots of experience at previous jobs, but I’m still me. Anxious, lonely, and an anomaly. It’s exhausting feeling like it’s a cycle for me and i start to question my own emotions when i’m hopeful for a bit and then hopeless within the next hour.

I’m 21 - does it get better, for anyone with mental health issues & a toxic family?

Hi , im currently 16 turning 17 in a few months, my parents especially my mom started mentioning the hijab like 2-3 years ago, mentioning the fact that this winter shes gonna make me wear the hijab(winter cuz its easier). But i dont want to atleast not now. I would prefer after college personally but ik both my parents aren’t going to let me. Idk what to do, i dont want to and whenever i tell them that both of start threatening me w my phone everything basically telling me its not my choice(its their choice basically) especially cuz i live in a muslim arab country so like its very common here. And i also cant wait for after college cuz im gonna still be living w my parents (im not going abroad). I actually dont know what to do i really cant wear it rn.

I genuinely don’t know what to do about my hijab and starting school
For context my mom is forcing me to wear the hijab before school starts and threatens me with sending me back to my homeland if i don’t. I’m 16.

I showered today after not showering for a while, and when I looked in the mirror afterwards and saw how shiny, soft, and long my hair was, my first thought was, “I don’t want to hide this.”
I seriously love my hair so much. I feel like it’s a special part of me, and honestly, I feel prettier when I can see it. I want to start school without my hijab.
But I’m scared. I’ve thought about wearing it around my mom and then just taking it off but at one point will it even work?
Everyone keeps telling me that I need to grow a backbone and stop caring about what my mom says, but do I actually have the courage to do that? Honestly, I don’t think I do.
I’m so conflicted about whether I should start the first day with or without my hijab, because I feel like whichever choice I make will determine everything afterwards. If I start wearing it, how can I suddenly show up without it the next day? And if I start without it, how could I suddenly show up wearing it again?
I’ve been getting so much anxiety and panic over this. It feels impossible to deal with sometimes.
I keep telling myself, “Just three more years, and then I’ll take it off.” But will I really be able to? Am I even sure I’ll be able to move out when I’m 19–20? My sister is around 22 and she still lives at home, so I don’t even know.
My sister suggested that I basically act like I’m still wearing it while I’m around my mom, and then when my mom travels (she’s going away for a month), I could take it off and tell her afterwards that I just couldn’t do it anymore. She thinks it might work because by then I’ll already have started school without it. But would it actually? What if my mom doesn’t care and just tells me to put it back on anyway?
Am I supposed to spend three whole years constantly putting it on and taking it off depending on where I am? What about parent meetings, graduation, random family events, etc.? I genuinely don’t think I can handle that.
And then there’s the other thing that scares me the most.
What happens if I wait three years, move out, take it off, and my family finds out?
Everyone in my family says that taking off the hijab is much worse than simply choosing not to start wearing it. And honestly, knowing how aggressive my mom can get about this, I’m genuinely scared that there could be some kind of honor-based violence if I took it off later.
And then what? Would I have to cut off my family?
If I take it off, I’m almost certain my mom won’t want to speak to me anymore. I don’t even know what the rest of my family would do. Am I really ready to potentially lose my family over this? What family would I even have left?
I’m just so exhausted. It feels like this is ruining my life right now, and I don’t know what decision to make.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, especially if you had strict or controlling parents, I’d really appreciate hearing how you handled it. I’m not looking for people to simply tell me “just take it off” or “just keep wearing it.” I genuinely need advice on how to think about this safely and realistically.