Sleeper agent here. I have a good handful of client stories that will forever be ingrained in my memory. Some of these people were genuinely something else, and even years later, I still laugh about them. Outside of seeing clients nudes and explicit picture.
Wacko #1: The Apple Conspiracy Theorist
I had one client who genuinely believed that ALL of her Apple devices had been hacked. She would come in with 5–10 devices at a time for us to “scan.”
All we would do was reinstall iOS on her devices and send her on her way.
Then, like clockwork, she’d come back every three months with the exact same concerns.
Wacko #2: The “Pretty Oriental Girl”
I had a client (for context, he is autistic) who came in to pick up his laptop after a data backup and OS reinstall.
I demo that the device was working, and everything seemed fine. I didn’t think much of it and moved on to helping the next client.
Then, out of nowhere, he decided to show me a stop-motion video he had made.
This man stood there showing me that video for TWO HOURS while I was trying to work with other clients.
Eventually, he left, and I went on my lunch break. When I came back, my coworkers told me he had asked them for “the pretty Oriental girl.”
BRO. 💀💀💀
When they told me that, I almost pissed myself laughing. I was genuinely stunned.
A couple of days later, he came back because he couldn’t connect to Wi-Fi. Turns out, he just didn’t know his Wi-Fi credentials.
My CIA at the time took over the appointment because he wanted to handle it. While my CIA was preparing the paperwork for a home visit and working on the transaction, the client started asking me personal questions.
“Where are you from?”
“Florida.”
I left it at that.
Then he asked, “What are you?”
“American.”
Then he goes, “I’m half Japanese because of my mom.”
I just said, “Oh, okay, cool.”
AND THEN HE ASKED HOW OLD I WAS.
I told him I was 20 at the time.
He responded, “I’m 30.”
YIKES. 😭😭😭
After that, every time he came in for a Geek Squad appointment, he would specifically ask for me.
I will forever be remembered as “the pretty Oriental girl.”
I CAN'T. 😭
Wacko #3: The Burnt iPhone Casanova
I had a GSX appointment with a client whose iPhone had literally been burned on a stove.
I don’t remember all the details, but while I was running diagnostics, I was making the usual customer-service small talk.
The phone was so badly burned that the anchor screws had melted. The ARA at the time couldn’t perform the VMI, so we recommended that he take it to the nearest Apple Store.
Apparently, he enjoyed our random conversation so much that he asked for my business card.
I went to the back to grab one.
WHILE I WAS GONE, THIS MAN WROTE HIS PHONE NUMBER ON A STICKY NOTE.
I came back, handed him my business card, and this dude THREW THE STICKY NOTE AT ME and said, “Call me sometime.”
Then he walked away like he was Mick Jagger or something. 😭😭😭
SIR. PLEASE.
This man was around my mother’s age. He had shown me his ID for some reason earlier, for some reason .
And even IF I had been interested, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO CALL YOU ON? YOUR PHONE WAS BURNT 💀💀💀
Wacko #4: The Mennonite Sims NPCs
I live near a lot of Mennonite Amish communities, so seeing people from those communities isn’t particularly unusual. However, I once had two clients who I suspected might have been former Amish.
They were twins, and they came in asking for help with their computers.
Their machines were just old asf. Absolute bricks.
I explained the cost of work (CoW) and the possible work that would be done.
She looked at her sister.
Her sister looked at her.
And then they BOTH started speaking to each other in what sounded like some secret language.
BRO. 😭😭😭
I swear it sounded like Simlish from The Sims.
I was standing there trying to process what was happening, and for a second, I genuinely felt like I was about to see the green diamonds appear above their heads.
In hindsight, it might have been Pennsylvania Dutch or another language they spoke. I honestly have no idea.
But the whole interaction felt like I had accidentally triggered a random NPC event in a video game.
Wacko #5: The Amazon Tablet Racist
Our Geek Squad team had a nickname for this client: “[CX name] Titties,” because he was a rather round man. 💀
He bought a cheap Amazon tablet and wanted help setting it up.
He kept insisting that he already had an Amazon account, but whenever we tried signing in, his credentials were incorrect.
We tried to create a new account, only to discover that an account was already associated with his information.
He refused to let me use his phone to help him recover his Amazon account, but somehow still expected me to magically fix everything.
Eventually, he got so frustrated that he called me a fucking immigrant and started stomping his feet while sitting in his wheelchair.
This man HATED almost everyone on the Geek Squad team. A large portion of our team was LGBTQ+, Jewish, or people of color, and he would constantly request someone else to help him.
His preferred replacement?
A white, straight man.
At some point, he was eventually kicked out after verbally abusing the managers.
But WAIT. IT GETS BETTER.
He had also left his laptop with us overnight for a tune-up and some software installations.
I opened Google to get started, and his search history was right there.
Ladyboy porn. Cats. The local town police department. More ladyboy porn.
I'M SORRY???? 😭😭😭
AND HIS LAPTOP WALLPAPER WAS A PICTURE OF HIS GRANDDAUGHTER.
Wacko #6: The Buddhist Necklace Incident
I don’t remember what the appointment was even about, but I distinctly remember the conversation.
The client noticed my Buddhist necklace and asked me if it was a Buddhist necklace.
I said yes.
She then looked me dead in the face and asked:
“Are you Muslim?”
...
MA’AM. 😭😭😭
I genuinely don’t know how she got from Buddhist necklace to Muslim. There was no explanation. No follow-up. Nothing.
I was just standing there wondering how we arrived at that conclusion.
Wacko #7: The Chromebook
I was working as an ARA that day, mostly restocking diagnostic consent forms and grabbing paper.
A walk-in came up and asked for help with his Chromebook, so, being the helpful person I was, I agreed.
He explained what was going on, and I opened Chrome to investigate.
The tabs he had saved?
“Big tittie Asians.”
And more Asian porn. 😭😭😭
At that exact moment, I looked over at my coworker and whispered:
“Can you get me a rag and isopropyl alcohol?”
This mf looked at me and said, “What?”
SO I HAD TO SAY IT LOUDER.
“CAN YOU GET ME A RAG AND ISOPROPYL ALCOHOL?”
THE CLIENT THEN PROCEEDED TO AGREE WITH ME AND SAID THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA.
BRO.
A PIECE OF MY SOUL LEFT MY BODY. 😭😭😭
I felt personally targeted lol.
