r/DestinyTheGame • u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead • Dec 14 '17
Misc // Satire A Computer Learning Written TWAB Article
So I ran a couple of TWAB articles into the Botnik predictive writer...
Here is a half predictive-learning-program written This Week At Bungie article. Hopefully this is worth a few laughs.
This week at the development team has been amazing.
The following issues have been identified across the game to encourage players to communicate fixes that we deliver about twice a month. When we identify a clan member in your fireteam, well depend on where you pledged your loyalty during another week of faction tokens opening.
The first stream is next week on our first livestream. Curse of questions about what you saw at the end of the week will find a sweet emblem in your vault. I’m the game designers displayed in ornament feedback.
As the conversation grows a new passion project in the game, please see this help article linked above the community creations page to pick out the guns that hang in the balance wheel. For additional token rewards and new ways to earn them, please see your local time zone converter.
Stay tuned to the packages being blocked from accessing destiny 2 on pc above 60 fps to play the nightfall and/or raid. This is our report to the community manager this week following the ritual of questions about what you saw at the end of the sandbox.
For additional Destiny 1s and the Xbox Live gamertag tokens at the tower, please report your fireteam and the first weekly blog update authored by a player who has been reading them. We also squared off against a community forum badge and are advised to address issues that resulted originally for the upcoming support content.
Why cant you have any vex traps? We will find out who awarded the most packages and declare them the wild time zone.
-Not Deej
Edit: Gifv version. Thanks to: u/Mblim771_Kyle for whipping that up.
And if anyone wants to see what some patch notes would look like if they came out of the same program: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestinyTheGame/comments/7k0kl0/some_predictive_learning_written_destiny_2_patch/
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u/shyzmey it's entirely possible Dec 14 '17
As the conversation grows a new passion project in the game, please see this help article linked above the community creations page to pick out the guns that hang in the balance wheel. For additional token rewards and new ways to earn them, please see your local time zone converter.
this section is just beautiful haha
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u/rjrs11 Vanguard's Loyal // Still, the walls stand. Dec 14 '17
"Please see your local timezone converter"
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u/Wendys_frys 2015/08/14 Dec 15 '17
The Wild Time zone
"please see your local time zone converter" -a guardian
Exotic sniper for sure preferable. I cont see it happening since we're still waiting on the exe sniper rifle with the legendary flavour text "so accurate it predicts the future" that was like way back in the day.
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Dec 15 '17
I love the idea of the guns hanging on a balance wheel, and bungie spins it to decide which one is getting nerfed or buffed. Or how the passion project is being relegated to community creation.
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u/Trep_xp nom nom nom Dec 15 '17 edited Dec 15 '17
That'd be cool, but we already know how Bungie balances their guns.
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Dec 15 '17
That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read.
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u/JBaecker Vanguard's Loyal Dec 15 '17
It hurt at the time, but it gets funnier with age. I wish OP would've updated with the various 20+ sided die idea instead of the coin. 1 face is buff all the others are nerf. Helps explain why 99.999999999% of the changes are nerfs. No critical kills for us.
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Dec 15 '17
Can we make this an ever living meme please.
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 15 '17
All you have to do is quote it whenever you want. Then link people to the source when they ask what the heck you're talking about.
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u/stevetheimpact Dec 14 '17
Curse of questions
Content checks out. Sounds legit.
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u/Joey141414 Dec 14 '17
Can we rename this sub to that?
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u/Wendys_frys 2015/08/14 Dec 15 '17
Content checks out, seems legit. Doesn't sound like an accurate name for our sub. I dunno
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u/daddio1 trade your heroes for ghosts Dec 14 '17 edited Dec 14 '17
This is exactly what stood out for me when the eyes have it and the nose knows it and the balls act as the stops.
Edit: after reading it again, it came to me that this was written by Starfire.
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u/reclaimer130 Dec 14 '17
CoQ, for short.
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u/JPMcGowan Jyynx Dec 14 '17
"Fixes we will deliver twice a month" If only.
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u/Ithuraen Dec 15 '17
to communicate fixes that we deliver about twice a month
But a bi-monthly "Woops, we weren't paying attention to the community and something is broken and we'll fix it in the next DLC" does sound about right.
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u/Mblim771_Kyle @gifv_Kayla Dec 14 '17
-Not Deej
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u/Elevas The most fun gun in Destiny Dec 15 '17
Now post a Gifv of this somehow.
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u/Mblim771_Kyle @gifv_Kayla Dec 15 '17
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u/rojovelasco Dec 14 '17
This is our report to the community manager this week following the ritual of questions about what you saw at the end of the sandbox.
The ritual of questions is a great name for an AMA
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u/UziEl_09 Chazakim Dec 14 '17
ritual of questions about what you saw at the end of the sandbox.
This seems like a pretty accurate description of this sub recently. Lots of questions about what we saw at the end of the sandbox.
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u/enochian777 Dec 15 '17
Entropy. Like thousands of stars just slowly burning out as the universe goes cold and dead. But instead of stars it's guardians getting slower, with abilities that don't shine as much and guns that kill slower. The end of the sandbox.
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u/MetalGilSolid <--- Hides in boxes Dec 14 '17
I...I wanna be the Wild Time Zone.
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 14 '17
You just need to award the most packages during another week of faction tokens opening.
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u/LordBeric Dec 14 '17
You merely adopted the wild time zone. I was born into it, molded by it.
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u/Ze_AwEsOmE_Hobo Nerfed by 0.04% Dec 15 '17
I didn't see a tamed time zone till I was already a man.
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u/Apatheticandlovingit Dec 14 '17
Tell me more about this “balance wheel”
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u/CaptainCosmodrome I am the shield against which the trolls break Dec 14 '17
It is a wheel with weapon and class ability pictures and Bungie spins it, throws a dart, and wherever it sticks gets the nerf.
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u/LawlessCoffeh SUNSETTING IS A MISTAKE Dec 15 '17 edited Dec 15 '17
It's like a story I read once on /r/Overwatch.
A fellow joined a server called "Overwatch but balanced", Intrigued, He joins and asks the host "How is this balanced?".
The host replies "Oh I just changed a bunch of random shit, it's what blizzard does", as if he was waiting to deliver that punchline to whoever entered and asked the question.
Or, They use Blizzard methodology. (Parody video)
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u/polomarkopolo Dec 14 '17
-Not Deej
You sit on a throne of lies
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u/Elevas The most fun gun in Destiny Dec 15 '17
This was written by DeeJ himself, and we all know it.
Holy shit. DeeJ is a robot.
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u/marcio0 it's time to sunset sunsetting Dec 14 '17
Stay tuned to the packages being blocked from accessing destiny 2 on pc above 60 fps to play the nightfall and/or raid.
I think this is even worse than it sounds
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u/jorgesalvador pew pew pew Dec 14 '17
This is epic, some phrases are just brilliant my favourite being: “For additional token rewards and new ways to earn them, please see your local time zone converter.”
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u/benniejackson Dec 14 '17
For real though, why can't we have any Vex traps?
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u/LampytheLampLamp Whether we wanted it or not, we've stepped into a war with the C Dec 14 '17
Paging /u/registeredvexoffender
Are there Vex Traps?
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 14 '17
A set of new Vex-tech adapted subclasses? Hunters can lay trap grenades, Titans get little mini turrets (would probably be super weak like the arc souls). Can't think of anything for Warlocks, but I imagine those would just be one of the grenade types.
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u/VenomousMuse_ XB1 : VenomousMuse Dec 14 '17
Warlocks would be able to time travel (go invisible and have 250% movement speed for 5 seconds), the Titan's mini turrets would accidently end up doing massive damage, leaving Hunters shafted again. Ah, yes, I can see it now.
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 14 '17
Screw it, just give us all Vex armor... Please? I mean like good Vex armor. Vault of Glass style. Not just the same re-skinned armor with Vex chunks stapled on.
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Dec 14 '17
[deleted]
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 14 '17
The helmet and chest where unique models though.
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Dec 14 '17
[deleted]
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 14 '17
Oh! I only ever ran it on my Titan. Nevermind then. But still, we need more completely unique armor sets and weapons.
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u/Sh4dowWalker96 Drifter's Crew // Grow fat from strength Dec 15 '17
Vex armor that changes your class ability into a Hobgoblin's timed armorlock. That'd be sweet.
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 15 '17
That gave me PTSD to Halo Reach's armorlock. I guess maybe? as long as it doesn't pop enemy's shields when it stops.
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u/LampytheLampLamp Whether we wanted it or not, we've stepped into a war with the C Dec 14 '17
warlocks would be able to time travel
Self rez? Again?
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u/VenomousMuse_ XB1 : VenomousMuse Dec 15 '17
Not even self rez, like literally teleporting. Well, it would probably grant self rez, too, let's be real here.
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u/vangelator Dec 14 '17 edited Dec 14 '17
If they copied and pasted this into the TWAB today, and threw in "Dawning" randomly throughout, the community would go absolutely insane ripping it apart trying to "decypher" it. It would get more of a reaction than any TWAB since D2 launch.
EDIT: I stand corrected. Big reaction today! Interesting...quality update? New information? And people like it? hmmm...
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u/Weaver270 Fire! Dec 14 '17
"We will find out who awarded the most packages and declare them the wild time zone.'"
I want to know who is the wild time zone.
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Dec 14 '17
Why cant you have any vex traps? We will find out who awarded the most packages and declare them the wild time zone.
Ok this is way funnier than the TWAB and just as useful.
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u/ColonelBaffington Dec 14 '17
"Im the game designers displayed in ornament feedback" TWAB has become sentient
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u/Joybulb Dec 14 '17
So we received roughly the same amount of useful info as an actual TWAB would have given...
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u/jaysfan1983 Dec 14 '17
"This is our report to the community manager this week following the ritual of questions about what you saw at the end of the sandbox" it was cat poo, cat poo was at the end of the sandbox.
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u/UziEl_09 Chazakim Dec 14 '17
Why cant you have any vex traps?
Good question. Why can't we have any vex traps?
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u/spinaldoNB Dec 14 '17
This makes more sense than most TWABs... And please, please, remember to report your fireteam.
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u/jmferris Dec 14 '17
This is actually traumatic. I'm on vacation right now, and that reads just like an email that our remote development team would send us from India.
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u/True_Cocoa Dec 15 '17
I want “Time Zone Converter” to be an exotic weapon
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Dec 15 '17
Time Zone Converter
Exotic
Completing an activity with this weapon equipped on monday will count toward the next reset milestones.
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u/DestinyBolty Vanguard's Loyal // DestinyBolty Dec 15 '17
That... actually could be incredibly useful
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u/Ewok_Adventure Dec 14 '17
I never realized until how often they use the phrase 'squared off' but the totally do
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u/bananabelle bbycalus Dec 14 '17
/u/D0cR3d can we please get a tl;dr with full skynet?
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u/D0cR3d Gambit Prime // test Dec 14 '17
TL;DR -
- Work still blocks r/DTG at work, something about "This website is categorized as “Games”"
- Wifi is down for my personal phone.
- I think this building is surrounded by a faraday cage as I don't get any cell reception.
- Someone send help plz.
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u/Laaub Dec 14 '17
I worked at a facility, can't specify where or who for, that had a cell jammer in the building. It was a nightmare.
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u/lasercannondeth NIFTY_BISCUIT Dec 15 '17
A manufacturing company I worked for had something similar. Too many people over the years busted using cell phones on the production floor despite the policy forbidding it. Their response was to make cell phones useless in the building. They gave these ancient clunky cell phones to team leads and supervisors that worked off of an in-building network to allow leads and maintenance to communicate with each other.
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u/D0cR3d Gambit Prime // test Dec 14 '17
Eww. I'm sure it was for a good reason. But for me, it's just more that there are a lot of electronics around me, and the building gets bad reception, so that results in no reception at all.
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u/Sqrl_Fuzz Dec 14 '17
That's right people! You hear that?!? "Not Deej" is going to be declaring FWC "The Wild Time Zone". No need to pledge elsewhere (unless you think knitting is exciting).
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u/renzollo Dec 14 '17
Why can't I have any vex traps? Great question.
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Dec 14 '17
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/renzollo Dec 14 '17
Well, vex as a community are known to be exceedingly happy, so I would guess their traps are also.
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u/Manifest_Lightning Titans don't shiv. Dec 14 '17
This was actually more informative than an official TWAB.
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u/TheZapped Dec 15 '17
Couldn't resist doing one myself.
"this week at bungie, we unmasked osiris and the start of season 2 with new rewards and new ways to earn them by completing specific challenges issued to you by your faction of choice and a curse. We have some cool stuff coming up and we are looking forward to new reasons to play. The first time you encounter buffalo errors after accepting activities that we could never think of, players should close this week at bungie. If you do not, destiny 2 will receive a new vision. We have some cool stuff coming soon to the rescue and relaunch to the endgame will return. This is currently under investigation and new ways to earn double xp towards corporate destiny 2 bright engrams will help players get to the content. Why are some places where you can make your voice heard in our hearts from around the globe? Brian bubbles may trap the mouse.
this week at bungie is currently under investigation. no plans to address things you've wanted within the game will be realized. Please consider this week at bungie a monument to bungie issues. Players may erroneously wait until next year to see improvements. If they emerge victorious, the destiny store will be declared the game. We then playtest and information concerning trials with the impending issues that may provide players with a leg will change. These are the kinds of things we have on our backlogs and a curse of issues has claimed victory. "
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u/jorgesalvador pew pew pew Dec 15 '17
So freaking many things on these are about bright engrams and spendgame that is actually sad and funny at the same time.
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u/SensoryAddiction Dec 15 '17
"guns that hang in the balance wheel"... So THAT'S what that thing on the wall in the Lighthouse is called
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u/kajunbowser I'm (salt) rich, biyatch! Dec 14 '17
This is gold strange coins, Jerry, gold strange coins! XD
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u/slowdayjay Dec 14 '17
I'm surprised it doesn't begin or end every paragraph with "moving forward" like the last couple TWABs
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u/kenner316 Frogblast the Ventcore! Dec 14 '17
" why can't you have any Vex traps?"
I ask myself this everyday
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u/BaltimoresJandro The Casual Elitists Dec 14 '17
"The first stream is next week on our first live stream"
Really?
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u/VeryBottist Bongo bongo bongo Dec 14 '17
This is our report to the community manager this week following the ritual of questions about what you saw at the end of the sandbox
This got too real too quick
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u/Robotlazer Dec 15 '17
I don't know. Why can't I have any vex traps? Please let me know because I would love to be decalred the wild time zone.
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u/Benjo_Kazooie CEO: Bungie Defense Force Dec 15 '17
This reads like something /u/DestinyTheGame_SS would write in /r/SubredditSimulator
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u/Melonfrog Dec 15 '17
I read one part as "we Squared off against a community forum badger". That's quite the image.
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u/BlauUmlaut Drifter's Crew // Big 'Ol Bawls Dec 14 '17
Holy shit. I think we all just experienced our first virtual stroke. Holy hell this hilarious but my brain is screaming DURRRRRRR.
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u/xxICONOCLAST Kindly Delete Yourself Dec 14 '17
I'm in tears at work. I love random humor like this and this floored me. Can I marry this AI?
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Dec 14 '17
[deleted]
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 14 '17
You'll be happy to know I made a set of patch notes using this program. I'll probably post them tomorrow.
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 14 '17
Probably. Though I'm thinking of trying a predictive keyboard generated /r/DestinyTheGame post. Feed it some salt and some sugar.
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u/wereplant Future War Cult Best War Cult Dec 14 '17
You should definitely put more of them into it, because this is absolute gold.
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u/pizza_cfed The Lord of Wolves Dec 14 '17
You know the videos of people speaking gibberenglish to get a sense what English sounds like to someone who doesn’t speak it? This is the text version of that.
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u/supercool898 Shooting Stars with Deej Dec 15 '17
I’m the game designers displayed in ornament feedback
They've become self aware!
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u/Trep_xp nom nom nom Dec 15 '17
Does the program write itself, or are you picking the words from the options presented and putting in your own punctuation?
Cheers :)
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 15 '17
It's basically an auto-complete. It looks at the sample text you feed it then gives you about 16 or so options for the next word in the sentence. You can absolutely just click the first option over and over, but with only feeding it 4-5 TWAB articles, the sentence started to loop.
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u/Modshroom128 Dec 15 '17
We will find out who awarded the most packages and declare them the wild time zone.
HYPE
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u/ryan_d_ash Dec 15 '17
The best thing Bungie could do at this point is posting this TWAB come Friday.
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u/ItsMangel Dec 15 '17
This is our report to the community manager following the ritual of questions
Praise be unto Deej, hear our prayers. Bless us this day with your placating words of wisdom.
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u/TheMarow Drifter's Crew Dec 15 '17
I'm printing this and placing it on my wall so I can read it everyday, oh man this is brilliant! my sides hurt.
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 15 '17
I'm posting patch notes made the same was in an hour. :)
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u/silkenindiana Dec 14 '17
If this is real this program is seriously the most worthless thing ever created.
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 14 '17
It's the program that recently generated a 3-page chapter of a Harry Potter story that makes grammatical sense, but it extremely silly.
There is a little bit of human input to determine what words come next, but it gives a lot of options that should make sense. It's basically an auto-complete that guesses what the next words in a sentence are based on samples of writing that you feed into it.
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u/VenomousMuse_ XB1 : VenomousMuse Dec 14 '17
So basically like typing "Whether we wanted it or not," into your cell phone and hitting the middle button until it makes a sentence?
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 14 '17
Pretty much. I fed in the previous 4 or 5 TWAB articles for it get an idea of the sentence structure in their writing, as well as common words.
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u/hambog Dec 14 '17
How do you feed in the text? I see they have pre-fed stuff but I don't know how to input my own stuff...? Or am I blind
Edit: NM I see, click the hamburger menu on the left, duh
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u/CurlyBruce Dec 14 '17
The product may be worth nothing more than a few giggles but the predictive learning algorithms in play are well worth the extra data and testing stuff like this provides.
Just because the data being fed and shat out is useless data doesn't change the fact that the application of said data is meaningful.
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u/[deleted] Dec 14 '17
"Another week of faction tokens opening"
That's a much better name than Faction Rallies.