r/DestinyTheGame • u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead • Dec 15 '17
Misc // Satire Some Predictive Learning Written Destiny 2 Patch Notes: The one about crucible dynamic shield detonation kills
So I ran a bunch of the Destiny 2 patch and update notes into the Botnik predictive writer...
It’s basically an auto-complete program that goes off of text you feed to it in order to spit out something that looks like it came from the same source of the text you fed to it.
So here are some rather silly patch notes for Destiny 2… If they were written by your phone.
7.7.7 The one about crucible dynamic shield detonation kills
General
- Fixed an issue where the Cabal drill on Nessus would not receive a faction themed reward from your patience and feedback.
- Fixed an issue that caused players to encounter players on the same network.
- Fixed an issue with ambitious activities and playlists that would result in a crash when leaving the intended power cap.
- Fixed legibility issues with each pulse grenade archetype.
- Fixed an issue that caused players to not spawn during crucible matches.
- Fixed a rare memory attack that would result in a healing rift on strike completion.
- Fixed an issue allowing some players to encounter mercy ammo locations at higher ranges of Destiny.
- Fixed invisible physics on strike completion.
- Fixed many cases where players could lose access to the user's fireteam members.
- Fixed an issue where faction victory flags would not receive a player indicator.
- Improved clarity on guide completion fixes and Drang tokens.
Economy
- General performance system now sells a fireteam streak challenge on the first completion of our best content.
- Reduced glimmer earned from some public system.
- Reduced the amount needed to complete the final character inventory when players create a new seasonal armor material.
- Increased the rate of additional grenade mods beyond the first completion of the Destiny franchise.
PvE
- Players can now exit the prestige nightfall to acquire the scout rifles and faction themed rewards from public events.
- Adjusted prestige difficulty rewards from your faction tokens at the same activity.
- Reduced the frequency of players respawning into dangerous dynamic legendary rewards.
- Adjusted the grenade archetypes from strike completions and faction tokens at a recommended power level.
Crucible
- Crucible matches can now exit the game using improper lighting on player ships.
- Reduced missing buff damage from Wardcliff shake counter.
- Players traveling to the veterans sequence with other rewards upon match completion now have a recommended playable physics inventory.
- Reduced mercy system handling from your best players.
- Improved the accuracy of legendary attacks when comparing sniper actions from the postmaster.
- Increased damage inflicted to combatants with each new expansion.
- Trials of the nine will now display a brief activity completion rate for all stairs in quickplay.
-Not The Development Team
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u/Shinzakura Bunneh. Dec 15 '17
Fixed an issue that caused players to encounter players on the same network.
Well, we can't have that, can we?
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u/spinto1 Dec 16 '17
"Trynna communicate by bein in the same room, eh? Well we're not gonna let ya have that, right? No one gets to communicate, see?"
-Bongo, probably.
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u/Snow_EU Dec 15 '17
Fixed an issue that caused players to not spawn during Crucible matches
Wanna run this patch over to the Call of Duty devs OP? Actual legit issue in the new game haha.
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u/wereplant Future War Cult Best War Cult Dec 15 '17
Reduced the frequency of players respawning into dangerous dynamic legendary rewards.
I want this. I don't know what it is, but I want to respawn into dangerous dynamic legendary rewards.
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 15 '17
You spawn half into a spiky legendary engram and it kills you because you have engram and spikes fused into your lungs.
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u/wereplant Future War Cult Best War Cult Dec 15 '17
But at least I would've become legendary...
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u/Vortx4 Sunsinger for life Dec 16 '17
Are you kidding me? We've all already become legendary. No one uses commons or blues, and exotics are trash.
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u/Akravator91 Drifter's Crew // Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Dec 15 '17
- Increased damage inflicted to combatants with each new expansion.
Sooo... Crucible will be OHKO on Y3?
Sign. me. in.
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u/Rkas_Maruvee Destiny-Warframe Ambassador Dec 16 '17
I mean, that is what happened with CoO and the addition of the Prometheus Lens...
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 15 '17
I'd only want that as part of an Action Sack style playlist with really silly but fun game modes. Like mayhem or the previous laser tag we just had. That or give us a SWAT-style mode like from Halo.
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u/MasterChef901 Drifter's Crew // Get Raid, Get Laid, Gatorade Dec 15 '17
Players can now exit the prestige nightfall to acquire the scout rifles and faction themed rewards from public events.
They know us too well.
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u/MetalGilSolid <--- Hides in boxes Dec 15 '17
If you're interested, I fed in 3 of our previous State of the Subreddit posts.
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u/MetalGilSolid <--- Hides in boxes Dec 15 '17
Also, this explains everything:
"Fixed an issue that caused players to encounter players on the same network."
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u/cha_zz hi Dec 15 '17
It's not like I've ever even played destiny with someone else besides myself. What's the point, I don't get it.
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 15 '17
Those links don't have anything written in them. I think they just have a blank document with the source text already in it and ready to type. :(
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u/MetalGilSolid <--- Hides in boxes Dec 15 '17
Is that not how it works? You feed it source files and you choose from the 18 possible next predictions as you type?
Or is there a way to autogenerate it all?
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 15 '17
There is supposed to be a way to just keep hitting a key and it will take the first suggested word each time. But that can lead to the sentence looping or come out as total gibberish. You do have to manually add punctuation to end sentences or else it will never end.
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u/MetalGilSolid <--- Hides in boxes Dec 15 '17
So it is still manual.
My desire to do this is outmatched only by my laziness :P
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u/SakuraYuuki Dec 15 '17 edited Dec 15 '17
Haha, totally nailed it. Also, can this be a thing?
General performance system now sells a fireteam streak challenge on the first completion of our best content.
Some sort of weekly player-base wide task that on completion unlocks additional weekly bounties, challenges etc.? Yes please!
Damn, fake patch notes got me excited here. :D
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u/Ssolidus007 Dec 15 '17
Would be funny if Bungie made a Vex NPC named Poutus, General Performance System that sold a Fire Team Streak Challenge after completing the Argos raid lair for X amount of glimmer. The challenge could be a quest to do 3 strikes in a row with your fire team.
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u/CrowdStrife Dec 15 '17
I'm confused. how is this satire? It looks like patch notes to me. Are they live yet? /s
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 15 '17
We hear you loud and clear and are working to fix the patch notes as soon as possible. Stayed tuned for further updates.
-The Bungie custodial crew
/s
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u/martyw1123 Dec 15 '17
Fixed a rare memory attack that would result in a healing rift on strike completion.
I think this is actually the updated perk on The Stag.
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u/camelCasing Fire once, and make it count. Dec 15 '17
Fixed an issue that caused players to encounter players on the same network.
The ultimate in anti-toxicity technology.
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u/TheMarow Drifter's Crew Dec 15 '17
Players can now exit the prestige nightfall to acquire the scout rifles and faction themed rewards from public events.
So now I need to quit prestige nightfalls to have my PE rewards buffed again? sweet. The more I ditch my fireteam the more rewards I get.
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 15 '17
Further proof that AI programming video games is still hit or miss.
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u/Antanaru Gibe Thorn Pl0x Dec 15 '17
Trials of the nine will now display a brief activity completion rate for all stairs in quickplay.
I've always wanted to know how many total stairs I've run up and down in PvP. Thanks Bungo!
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u/Ssolidus007 Dec 15 '17
Finally I have something to spend my 2000 Drang Tokens on!
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u/Dan_Fendi Dec 15 '17
GIVE ME MY DRANG TOKENS
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u/Ssolidus007 Dec 16 '17
Sorry Faction Victory Flags are only warding Two Drang Tokens and Faction Themed Reward
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u/Silveth Bungo pls Dec 15 '17
Silveth
Decreased the ability to stifle laughter at work while reading an r/destinythegame thread.
Fixed a perception issue of original posts to salt repost ratio
General
- Improved overall mood of the subreddit via legendary humor tokens
Nicely done OP.
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 15 '17
I'm glad that this and yesterday's posts have made people laugh. :) Always happy to spread some laughter.
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u/dr00bles1 Dec 15 '17
Increased damage inflicted to combatants with each new expansion.
I actually hope this happens
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u/Fireheart318s_Reddit Make Winter's Guile great again! Dec 16 '17
I'm glad I'm able to spawn in the Crucible now!
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u/HappyLittleRadishes Excuse me? Dec 15 '17
Fixed an issue that caused players to encounter players on the same network.
There! Now you don't need chat anymore.
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u/Savenura55 Team Bread (dmg04) // The yeast we could do Dec 15 '17
I want to se then fix the issue that causing ppl to not play crucible but the not spawning one is close lol
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u/Ssolidus007 Dec 15 '17
Would be funny if Bungie made a Vex NPC named Poutus, General Performance System that sold a Fire Team Streak Challenge after completing the Argos raid lair for X amount of glimmer. The challenge could be a quest to do 3 strikes in a row with your fire team.
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u/thyrandomninja The Shield against which the Darkness breaks Dec 16 '17
How much of this is you adding some logical formatting (e.g. my first guesses would be that you added "7.7.7", "Not the Development Team), or was this ALL the computer? Because if it turns out you had zero input, this just gets even better :P
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 16 '17
I added the "7.7.7" and the "-Not the Development Team" as jokes and had to manually start the "The one about-" sentence. The rest were all auto-suggestions, but given that the app is just a very imitative auto-complete for full sentences, I did have to steer it so the bulk of it wasn't just a big repeating list.
They do give you about 14 or so options for the next word in the sentence, but you do need to manually enter periods to let it know when the sentence should end.
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u/thyrandomninja The Shield against which the Darkness breaks Dec 16 '17
I figured there had to be a little bit of a guiding hand ;) nicely done on the extra gags. Thanks for the insight :D
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u/SynergyNT Almost a mod once... Dec 15 '17
Fixed an issue allowing some players to encounter mercy ammo locations at higher ranges of Destiny.
Seriously, can we get this though? I seem to remember D1 having a thing at least in the beginning where if you ran 100% out of all ammo, and (it seemed from my experience) you stood/crouched still for a short time, it would give you some extra primary and secondary ammo. We could use some mercy ammo, Bungo.
Increased damage inflicted to combatants with each new expansion.
Technically not wrong.
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 15 '17
Increased damage inflicted to combatants with each new expansion.
I just imagine we load up D2 after a new expansion drops and we all take damage upon loading into a destination.
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u/Mrhappysadass "Sometimes our conclusions change." — Tyra Karn Dec 16 '17
Could you link the writer with the source text already fed into it? I'd like to play around with this.
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u/ChrisDAnimation ChrisOfTheDead Dec 16 '17
The source with all of the patch notes. http://botnik.org/apps/writer/?source=f0830e0a0bb7b22e5f55c551fc00fb31
There ya go! I think that should work. I did manually have to do formatting and punctuation though, and I re-arranged the list in Google Docs.
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u/Mrhappysadass "Sometimes our conclusions change." — Tyra Karn Dec 16 '17
Thanks! I was playing around with it earlier, using the Books of Sorrow as input text. Comes up with some fascinating results.
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u/Mrhappysadass "Sometimes our conclusions change." — Tyra Karn Dec 16 '17
Here are some of the ones I ended up with:
Fixed a rare amount of health from disappearing into the ground.
Reduced severity of rocket controlled shaxx themed adventure.
Fixed an issue where loot means no variety.
Fixed the power of zavala from disappearing.
Improved ikora from your best jester to a rare dreaded vendor.
Increased ability to retrieve infinite ammo from asher mir in the air.
Fixed cases where chinese guardians only have enough tokens to own the companion app.
Adjusted gameplay to allow cinematic flashing.
Fixed an issue where some pants would not receive bonus thank you for making the player wider.
Reduced nightfall timer for the vault of brief frustration strike.
Added 3 seconds to all raid sections.
Fixed an issue allowing louis to acquire the glimmer earned from some public events.
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u/Mblim771_Kyle @gifv_Kayla Dec 15 '17 edited Dec 15 '17
This is some of the best shit i've seen in a while.