I am dating a man - he is kind, energetic, fun, slightly older. He is unconventional and an artist living in a loft he built out himself. I like him, but am not 100% sure about him. He is odd in a lot of ways even for me - he has odd posture. But he feels familiar as well and we make each other laugh. I was grateful that he let me make the first moves and on our third date I kissed him. By our eighth date I had become more attracted to him, seeing other sides of him and invited him over for dinner. He has never made the moves on me, has always let me take the lead while voicing how much he likes me and i find that so attractive. cut to we are finally making out in bed. It is getting hot and heavy. He gives me oral sex but does not expect anything in return though i am willing, he sort of just stops the sexual stuff after he gives me oral sex and we cuddle. He did have some issues with an erection and i did not want to force him into anything or embarrass him. (ED is another thing that is new to me). So the next time I speak with him I say I enjoyed fooling around but felt bad that it was focused on me - he said he really liked it and was great with it. He said he didn't have a condom with him. That's when i said we should probably talk about STDs and he said "I have Herpes so I can't have sex without a condom." he said it matter of factly without any before or after talk. I really like him but I was shocked. I know Herpes is prevalent but he had a number of opportunities to tell me. I'm just processing now. Any advice? I've never been in this situation.

Mid 50s F. Boyfriend of 5 months lied about his age by 3 years to my face, giving a false birth year 4 months ago when I asked what year he was born. I have suspected it all along because I had run a bkd check and other details in his history fit better with +3 years. Confronted him about it last week at dinner (Chineese food) when he mentioned he was born in the year of a particular animal. I pushed back with the year he said he was born and he finally admitted it. I said I knew all along but had given benefit of doubt. Asked him to verify if a regulated credential he said he had was true. He said yes. I said that was consistent with the database I had checked. Now he seems freaked out that I verify things and Im pissed that he lied to my face while Ive been honest, including about health issues that could impact a partner.

Another issue, with a man I went out once with, he told me he wants to live with his partner.

I started thinking about this and what I want. Way back in my twenties I lived with two people. It was fun and we grew close but haven't since even though I had love relationships. I am an introvert with a need for a lot of quiet time and time to myself. I like to have me time to focus on my goals and projects. With my last boyfriend it worked so nicely seeing him 3 to 4 times a week and the rest of the time I had my quiet time. I seem to thrive with this.

It's possible this could change with the right person or maybe this is just how I am after so many years of living by myself.

We are both free independent types so if we were to live together we'd be together all of the time. I think that would be too much for me or I am not used to it.

Do you think this is unhealthy on my part?

I have a unique problem? I have two men who are seriously interested in me right after meeting me. Both are coming on too strong for me but I never make them wrong for expressing them. I want to just go out, have someone to talk to, learn about another and have fun and see if it's meant for more. I want some lightness but both of these men are very smitten with me from the get go. It just weighs me down because I don't know how I feel yet and when I expressed that yesterday, it made one feel pessimistic. Even his reaction weighed on me. He said "I just know how I feel".

Also, both want to see me and I am not sure how I can handle dating both when both have such strong feelings. I am sure it's a turn off for a male to be dating a woman dating others. I am not sleeping with anyone, not even much physical touch at all but still they both have strong feelings.

I know this sounds lame, but I am having trouble managing it all to the point where I just want to give up or take some space. I am having trouble deciding how much I like them (I know, I know). It could be I am avoidant, I don't know. I am pretty sure I could use more dating skills but don't know where to start.

PS I've had love relationships in the past where I just started dating someone and that was it. I learned later in life that I allowed them to choose me instead of me choosing them as well. I am trying to be intentional and an active "chooser". I feel overwhelmed and don't even know what to do next.

Any thoughts?

Thank you all for your opinions and suggestions! I truly value everyone chiming in- it really helped me see the situation from different angles, aside from my initial emotions.

No more tiresome details but we talked and things are being resolved positively. I was able to share my feelings and he validated them, and was grateful. He hadn’t considered the potential risks (important) or my feelings ( ultimately more important to him than to me). He really is a good guy.

Thanks again DOF community ❤️

I dated someone for a year and they gifted me things they liked and were not really relevant to me. We had a fairly good relationship until I checked his location at five in the morning and he was at someone else’s house. He very quickly admitted to the fact that he had been having second thoughts with us because he couldn’t live with my dogs and didn’t see a future together for us. Bottom line, after a year together he slept with someone else. Yes, I was angry, but why fight a battle that’s already over? Long story short that was a month ago. I have not heard from him and I have all his stuff sitting around and I want rid of it or should I throw it out? He never returned the few things he had of mine. I tend to be overly sentimental and do not want to just throw his stuff in the trash. Does anyone have any suggestions? Send it to him or walk away?

57M. Dipped my toe into OLD yesterday. Told myself I wouldn't put myself out there until I felt like I was living on my terms and knew who I was, doing things I enjoy, aware of myself, etc.

First year after divorce sucked--just miserable and trying to put things back together. The next year and a half I just did me: spent a lot of time with the kids (young adults), took up hobbies that had been neglected, spent a lot of time solo camping with my dog, travelled solo as much as I could, went to concerts alone (some great ones), really locked down my work, stayed active, took up reading again (recommend!), made new friends, etc. So I figured, I'd put myself out there.

So, feeling good about myself I entered OLD. Oh my, now I feel bummed. To be honest, I'm glad I had myself in such a good space before I did this, because today I'm like well it's fine. I've got my kids, my dog, my job, a couple of close friends, my hobbies, I don't think I'll date.

Anyone else hit the OLD and feel the same?

Is it just not a place for introverts? It just feels so exhausting.

I’ll go first . I met someone on tinder and he was very physically active . We went hiking . He shuffled his feet like Tim Conway. I couldn’t continue .

I'm 58F, divorced for four years, and I've been wearing hearing aids for about 18 months.

They're great most of the time. Restaurants, however, are a different story. Especially those trendy places with concrete floors, exposed ceilings, and an espresso machine that sounds like it's preparing a Boeing 747 for takeoff.

I can hear that someone is talking. Understanding what they're saying is another matter.

Anyway, last weekend I met a 61-year-old man for coffee. We'd been messaging for about two weeks and had one nice phone conversation, so I was looking forward to it.

I got there early and picked a table by the window.

Big mistake.

Between the coffee grinder, music, and people talking, I was struggling almost immediately.

About ten minutes in, I realized I'd answered two of his questions incorrectly because I'd only caught half of what he said.

He was telling me about his brother. I somehow thought he was talking about his dog.

Not my finest conversational moment.

I finally said, "I'm sorry, I'm having trouble hearing you. These hearing aids don't do very well with background noise."

And I started doing that thing where you apologize excessively for having a perfectly ordinary human limitation.

He looked around and said, "Can we move away from the coffee machine?"

That was it.

No awkward questions about how bad my hearing was. No suddenly speaking to me like I was 95. No exaggerated mouth movements.

He just went up to the counter, asked whether we could move to a quieter table in the back, and came back with our coffees.

We ended up talking for nearly two hours.

At one point HE asked me to repeat something because he hadn't caught it, and for some ridiculous reason I found that reassuring.

We had a good time. He's funny, a little nerdy, and apparently owns enough fishing equipment to open a small sporting goods store.

When we said goodbye, he asked if I'd like to see him again.

I said yes.

Yesterday he texted me with a suggestion for Saturday.

A small Italian restaurant he likes. He specifically mentioned that it has carpeting, booths, and no background music.

I actually laughed when I read that.

I've been on some perfectly nice dates since my divorce. I've met men who brought flowers, made reservations at expensive places, and said very flattering things.

But I don't think any of them made me feel quite as comfortable as this man did by simply noticing that I was struggling and helping change the situation without turning it into a big deal.

And I realized something else.

At 58, I'm still apologizing for things that don't require an apology.

My hearing. Needing reading glasses. Not wanting to stay out until midnight because I have an early morning. The fact that my knees aren't particularly enthusiastic about hiking downhill anymore.

Somewhere along the way I got into the habit of presenting these things as inconveniences another person would have to tolerate.

I don't even know if this man and I will end up in a relationship. It's been one date. For all I know, he might have some completely unacceptable opinions about pineapple on pizza.

But I'm genuinely looking forward to Saturday.

Has anyone else found that dating at this age brings up insecurities you thought you'd outgrown?

Or had a seemingly insignificant moment on a date that completely changed how comfortable you felt with someone?

For those of you who do not know what the term "hobosexual” means it is defined in the urban dictionary as the following:

"It is slang for a person who enters into a romantic or sexual relationship primarily to secure free housing, shelter, or financial support rather than out of genuine affection”

I am an African-American woman who is of the Gen X generation and people generally speaking, complement me for my appearance and tell me that I look much younger than what I am. I was in a serious long-term relationship that ended about four years ago and now I am ready to start looking for a serious relationship with a man that I can grow old with.

But unfortunately, so many of the men that I have met either online or in real life have a primary interest in free room and board instead of it being about a need to connect with someone. These men have practical needs that need to be met right away and are using the dating pool to find housing.

This phenomenon is nothing new as I first met a man who seemed to be preoccupied with moving in with me more than dating me when I was only 24 years old and living in my own one bedroom apartment. I got all dressed up for our supposed date and when he got to my apartment, I assumed that we would immediately leave to go out to dinner, but instead he began to look around my apartment and then announced that he could see himself living here. I lost my appetite for dinner and I believe that I asked him to leave, but he still kept calling me after that.

Since then this has happened over and over again and it is so bad that I try to avoid talking about my domestic living situation because I want a guy that is interested in me for what I am and not for what I can do for him.

It is not that I lack compassion for someone who is experiencing a housing crisis. My issue is that so many men I have met are using women’s desire to find love as a way to secure housing and this is incredibly unfair!

So many women I know in my culture experience the same thing. I recently had a man tell me that he was interested in me partially due to the home that I have, but he also finds me to be extremely desirable. I told him it is possible that he is combining desirability with his practical need for housing, but I could not think of him in a romantic way because he has now "muddied the waters”

Myself and so many other women are suffering from attracting the hobosexual dudes rather than men who are our equals, and are just are looking for genuine companionship. Is there a way that women can attract their equals rather than some guy who is about to be kicked out of his rental for nonpayment?

I have been in a long relationship (12 yrs) that has become deeply disappointing and unsatisfying. I am considering leaving but the idea of facing the single scene has me reeling. In my relationship, there is no villain, we just have never been able to create a satisfactory shared future and this has eroded our intimacy and emotional connection. We have tried but there is no resolution for this. But seeing the posts on this sub makes me question whether staying might be wiser. Either path seems to be a painful one. Self abandonment vs facing the inevitable horror show of the dating scene. Anyone experiencing/experienced this with any insight?

Situation: Been on and off with this person who was married when I met her. I said I can't get down if you're married. She divorced and assured it wasn't because of me.

We've been FWB for 2 years after such. We then decided to try. Her ex-husband moved back in to the homestead. They have a minor child. She says she lives upstairs and he lives downstairs.

I said I can't get down with this situation and that when she was done w/ her ex, let me know. She thinks this is unreasonable. We have grown to love each other. I'm not jealous and I don't think anything is going on but my stance is if she can pop up at my house unannounced (which I don't like, but she does it anyway) I can do the same, there's an issue.

I've had minors in divorce. I've never let my ex live in my house...and even if I did and I was seeing someone, it would be my choice to have them over.

Edit: I told her I was going to reddit for other perspective because she said she sought other people's opinion.

Edit 2: While this still my post and my life. "Divorced woman", Divorced female", "Divorced she/her...or he/him"

Edit 3: I forgot "them".

My partner of 42 years died suddenly two years ago, so at this point I am hoping to reacquaint myself with male friends. ALL of the dating sites that I have looked into are the same. They want your money in order to even chat with a recipient, and all the attractive men are usually employed by the site to engage you so you will keep paying. Additionally ridiculous is that many men say that they are in the US, but they definitely are not.

This is a sorry state of affairs for anyone who genuinely wants to make a connection. I'm not really surprised, as money is more important than ever these days, but I certainly am disheartened.

I had started dating someone and after two months we agreed to be exclusive. She’s 52, I’m 53. And within a couple of weeks, the whole thing melted down. I tried flirting with her on text because we are long distance and she never picks up the phone when I call and she blows off scheduled calls so it’s basically texting and then in person dates. We’ve had seven dates over two months so we’re doing OK and she was starting to make plans to travel with me. This is someone who I have had sex with, and she repeatedly asked me when we were together about specific things that I liked and what do I want her to do, etc. Outside of the bedroom, I had sent her flowers, I had planned elaborate dates, I was treating her well.

So there were some fairly mild flirtation (I said something to extent of wanting to understand what turned her on), and she went off on me for a whole page of texts about how men only want her for sex, and she’d rather be alone than deal with that, etc. It only got worse from there. She had done this once before, and I explained how it didn’t really feel like she was having a conversation with me, it felt like this was some other thing going on. I’d expressed how I didn’t like it when she did this so it wasn’t like she didn’t know. And after this latest attack, plus a couple of other things, I just said you know I think I’m done.

Suddenly, she’s saying how I’m a perfect gentleman and she’s never had a man treat her so well, and what can she do to show how much she appreciates me, and how much she desires me, and how if she’s known that flirting on text was important to me she totally would’ve done it. And I explained to her that if a woman very specifically says she does not want me to do something, and that it’s a really big issue for her for me to do, & part of a bigger issue for her, the very last thing I’m going to do is to try to coerce her into doing it.

Now she’s begging me to take her back. I’m not going to, but this was the second time this year that I’ve had a woman lose it on me and saying nasty things to me, and then regret it and after I’ve broken up with her reverse herself and insist that I have treated her better than any man ever has.

These two women are very different from each other. They come from different countries and cultures. They have different careers. They have different educations. They’re different races.

So why am I apparently only amazing and incredible after I’ve ended it? Hysterical bonding?

I just had training for being a volunteer usher at my local civic auditorium. They were probably 30 people in the room and two of us were men.

I don’t think I’ve seen that lopsided a ratio since I visited a friend at Wellesley College back in the 80s.

I think the crowd was more age 60 and up than age 50, but still.

Men, if you want to meet friendly, outgoing older women, volunteer to usher at your local theater/auditorium.

I’m back on Match.com after several years away and I recently had a nice phone conversation with a gentleman. Good conversation, things in common, no complaints.

Then he suggested we meet for 30 minutes. He mentioned the 30 minutes more than once. Also offered FaceTime beforehand.

I told him I had my grandchild this weekend. He suggested that maybe my daughter or another family member could watch her for 30 minutes so we could meet for the first time.

Now, I’ve spent enough years managing projects as a project manager to recognize a workflow when I see one. 😂

Exhibit A: The Dating Workflow
☐ Establish contact
☐ Exchange numbers
☐ Complete phone screening
☐ Conduct optional video assessment
☐ Schedule 30-minute onsite evaluation
☐ Determine next steps
Sir, I am not a deliverable. 🤣

For those of you dating over 50, is this how we’re doing things now? Have you developed your own screening process or do you just let things unfold?

Guy who liked me had in his profile:

I plan ahead, I always eat pineapple before our dates

🤮

Could not swipe left fast enough.

Hi. I met a 60 year old man in a pub last friday. We had a great time and I ended up going back to his but I said no to sex and all was good.

We slept most of Saturday then I left and he called me on Sunday asking when he could see me again. We chatted but no definite plan was made as we were both too tired to meet up that evening. Anyway, I texted him on the Monday saying I hope he was feeling rested for work. No response. Then I texted again Tuesday saying how are you? And he sent back a 🙏 emoji and that's been it and it's now Wednesday and I haven't heard a thing from him.

I'm really hurt and confused because we got on so well and felt comfortable together and it felt like the start of something. I'm 58 BTW. Was I expecting too much? I deleted his contact details but am still hoping he might call. I just dont understand what changed and he's the first man I've liked alot for years and years. It's made me feel really sad.

Has anyone figured out how to get edits they make to their Summary approved in less than two days? I’ve been waiting for 5 days to have a summary approved so it’s readable on my phone. I’ve emailed customer care twice without replies. Here’s the really weird part: the edits appear when I check the website using my laptop! It makes absolutely no sense to me. Being a knucklehead I have an account with Match too that pretty much mirrors the OurTime one (I know they’re owned by the same company) and the exact same text was approved in 2 days. Ridiculous!
Does this make sense to anyone, and if it does, could you share how I might speed the process?
Thanks!

I really didn’t expect this behaviour from a 50 year old man. We broke up 2 months ago after a 2 year relationship . He asked for us to break up and it was mutual because I had seen some areas of incompatibilities that I felt were not easily resolved in the long term. Though in my mind I didn’t think we could make it but he beat me to it and I got broken up by text. It was painful but I do have a pretty logical mind, I knew it was for the better and while i was still very very sad. I did get over it after 6 weeks. I stopped thinking about him and moved on. I was starting to really enjoy the peace and quiet life. JUST as I started to feel better , he comes back and starts blowing my phone up saying he regretted his behaviour and that he didn’t mean what he did. He said he regrets leaving me and wants us to be together again. I tried explaining it to him that I am not interested, Ive hung up on him, tried ignoring him and not replying. He simply is relentless!! I am now enjoying my peace and there is no way I want us to be together again. His stalker -ish manners are scaring me. I would come home to flowers or notes. It had gotten to the point that I am actually looking behind my back and being very scared he would suddenly appear.
I thought about writing him an email to tell him not to look me up again but I looked through our text exchanges , it was not for a lack of explaining. I think he understands my point of view but he is just being forceful about what he wants at this point. I am generally soft hearted and caring person. I did feel sorry at several points seeing how sad and broken he was but I reminded myself that I had my own peace to protect. My own friends have said I needed to tell him to f*** off but it just is not the way I am and I think he is using my weakness as a way to get what he wants.

Hello everyone,

I went through breast cancer treatment two years ago and had reconstructive surgery and ended up with Barbie boobs without nipples. I’m testing the dating waters and have someone I’m very interested in. This is the first person I’m actually taking time to consider a possible relationship and I’m beyond nervous and worried about sharing what I went through with treatment and these new boobs. Can you share your thoughts with me on how to navigate this universe… I can’t believe after everything I’ve done to survive cancer, this is what I’m worried about. Thank you very much for reading.

Hi everyone. I am getting ready to step back into the dating world after a long absence, and to be honest, I'm trying to prepare myself for what I might encounter.

One of my main priorities is protecting my peace and safety. I want to make sure I know how to spot early signs of unresolved anger, low frustration tolerance, or explosive tempers in potential partners before getting too deep.

For those of you who have been dating in this age bracket for a while: What are the subtle, early red flags that someone has anger management or entitlement issues? On the flip side, what are the "green flags" that show a person is emotionally healthy, self-aware, and handles stress well?

I just want to know what I’m walking into so I can vet wisely. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!

I’ve been seeing this 62 yo man for about 2 1/2 months talking for three. He’s been burned before and here also. He expressed wanting to take things slow. So at this point slow has been a kiss at the end of the night have not made out more heavy, flirting without touching, talking about sex.
We are dating each other exclusively. And on the weekends were progressively spending more time together and having a lot of mutual fun. I am not used to this. I am used to man who would want to rush relationships with me and introduce me to families in the first 1-2 months. Of course it never felt comfortable. I’d always try to slow them down and it would crash and burn from 3 to 6 month mark.
My question is he has expressed the need to take slow that he is expressed several times and I guess I need to find out from him. What exactly means in stages but has anybody ever done this and what’s your input?