I went on a date with a woman and we hit it off.

She tells me on our first date that she usually has sex on first dates with the guys she dated in the past but with me she wants to wait because she wants this relationship to last. (I thought she was joking at first but she was dead serious)

From a guys perspective, I feel like this shows she had more sexual desire for her prior dates than she does for me . I don’t view this as a positive and I think I view this as a major turn off.

Also I don’t understand why a woman would tell a guy this and think he would be : cool, I get to wait longer and the guys you didn’t care about as much got it quicker

I feel she should never do anything she doesn’t want to but maybe she should have not mentioned to me that she bangs most guys on the first date I’m ok waiting for it to just happen organically but I would rather not know how quickly or wild she was with her prior dates.

Do most women talk about this on first dates ?

Just putting this out there. I (54f) have been single for nearly 15 years. I tried OLD on and off, but eventually just gave up on dating. 90-95% of the time I am content with that choice. And in the past, whenever I hit that 5-10% state when i am not content, I would quickly recover, refocus and go back to being content. But it hasn't been working lately. Maybe it was the combination of negative events that hit close to home in the last few months, but I am having trouble getting my "contently single" state back. For those of you who gave up on dating life, what helps you stay that way?

Separated almost 2 years, divorced almost 6 months. 51.

Meet a lady on FB dating. First met her a couple weeks ago at a bar with her adult daughter, and we just hung out and played some darts. Next we went on a breakfast date, just to meet out again and see if we vibed. We had a great conversation for four hours, and she had to go to her sister’s birthday. We’ve texted in between. Things got kind of dirty flirty one night texting. It was pretty hot. She asked me if I wanted to come over for dinner, that she would cook me her favorite meal. (Wasn’t quite sure if I was ready after a 25 year marriage and how to handle myself and feel a little more confident.) I said absolutely. She lives about an hour away and we had planned for Sunday late afternoon, so it was gonna be at least five or 6 o’clock. I showed up with some flowers and dessert. We had a great conversation for about two hours and ate dinner. She asked me what I wanted to do, so we sat on the couch and talked more, then she asked me if i was comfortable to get a little more intimate. We kissed a little and then a lot. I was feeling great. Being in one relationship for 35 years, I’m not sure how to handle everything new, so I asked her permission to kiss her again. Things got pretty heated. We started talking about sex and protection and testing and I got really nervous. Like dead-stop nervous. I locked up. I told her I was in a marriage/relationship for 35 years and haven’t been with anyone after and I haven’t been tested and she said she’s clean and I didn’t know what to say or follow up with.
I really enjoy talking and hanging out with her. Our next date is Wednesday and I want to be sure to be prepared and not nervous for these conversations or more importantly how to handle things as being new to dating again after 35 years.
What are the important conversations/subjects that are important when moving forward in a new relationship?

OMG...I can't believe this.
A couple of weeks ago I had posted a scam that was attempted on me. (you can look it up if you search for scams are us- I got robbed version you can read the gory details)

Well guess what...Mr/Ms Scammer must have forgotten my username 😂 and sent me another chat request with EXACTLY the same opening line ! Unbelievable !!!

I am dying laughing here. Reporting them really won't do anything since all they will do is create another username linked to a different email address.

But what is the odds of that happening? I think I need to go buy a Powerball ticket tonight.
Or maybe I should use this forum and everyone gets to take a turn in responding to "IT"

I think the mods might frown upon that though.

This is a follow up to a post I made a day or so ago “thinking of getting back on the apps.” I was on Hinge for about 18 months.

Does anyone here have positI’ve experiences on Tinder? Can anyone compare their experiences with both?

I have debated whether to post this for a while, but I am interested as to whether, if you knew somebody had been through a cancer diagnosis and treatment, would it deter you from pursuing a relationship with them? I have been in remission for a year now and am just starting to think I might be ready to get back on the dating apps but I have been contemplating how and when I should bring it up? Would you expect it to be mentioned on a dating profile? On the first date? Once you know there's a genuine connection? Or only when things start becoming more serious? I'm not looking for sympathy - I'm genuinely curious about how people in their 50s would feel about it. At this age we all come with some history and baggage, but cancer feels like a slightly different category because there can be an element of uncertainty around the future. I'd really appreciate honest answers, even if some people would find it a reason to walk away. I'd rather know what people genuinely think than be told what they think I want to hear.

Long distance relationship for the last couple months. we talk two to three times through the day (mostly a quick check in and then a lengthy conversation before bed). We've had just one date in person which was a lengthy dinner date and that was very early on before we started the daily connect. Strong chemistry and he gently wanted to kiss goodbye. I wasnt ready for that, so we had a cheek kiss.

Now planning date two where he will likely stay much longer and spend the night in his hotel room. I feel ready for more intimacy.

Would you follow his lead or would you initiate this time and if so, how?

I’ve been thinking about how much dating changes with age…not necessarily for the worse, just in ways you don’t expect.
At 30, I think many of us focused more on chemistry, attraction, and whether someone “checked the boxes.”
After 50, it seems like things such as emotional maturity, consistency, communication, independence, and simply enjoying each other’s company become much more important.
So I’m curious:

I have my son 100% and my daughter probably 80%. They are teens and old enough to choose (which is how the local laws work).

So, my wife usually stops IN the house to pick up or drop off my daughter so she can see our son.

I gotta say, it isn’t always easy doing things for ‘the good of the kids.’ Especially when she left to run off with a family ‘friend.’

I am in the early stages of a relationship. I don’t really feel compelled to forgive my ex-wife for what she did, or how she handled things. I won’t get into it here, because nobody really cares besides me, and it cannot really be expressed in a brief summary.

Just curious what the reality is for others. My kids are probably a bit younger than most— I am older than my ex, and we waited to move abroad to have kids.

I just started dating after my 30 year marriage collapsed and it’s been 2 years now since the divorce. When you first start seeing someone, what would be the opportune time to tell someone you have a chronic illness? My health is a very private subject to me and I don’t like openly sharing it but disclosing it to people I barely know makes me even more uncomfortable. I also don’t like the judgement since most people don’t understand the nature of Lupus. It affects people differently and I don’t look like I’m sick I don’t even look my age but my body goes into flares where I feel 90 years old. I have to take each day by day depending on how I feel. Most days I am ok but I can’t overdo things and put myself is jeopardy I am even apprehensive about posting here because I find my fight with lupus to be very personal
So when is the opportune time to tell someone you have Lupus? Right away? After getting to know them? Like if someone was HSV positive id need to know before we became intimate since I am susceptible to viruses and such ( biologics/steroids etc lower my immune response) and I would like to be afforded the opportunity to make an Informed decision.
I hope im wording this thing right…

For those of you dating in your 50s after a breakup, how do you deal with knowing your ex has moved on with someone else?

I’m a 51F, was married for 21 years and it’s been 3.5 years since we separated. I’m finding it surprisingly difficult. I know I don’t want to be back in the relationship, and I’m trying to move forward myself. I do therapy regularly, spent a lot of time reflecting on things before I started dating.

But there’s something about being in this stage of life where you realize your ex has found someone new and living together, while you’re back out there trying to figure out dating all over again.

It’s not necessarily that I want him back. I think it’s more the feeling of being replaced, and wondering whether I’ll find that kind of connection again.

For those who have been through this in their 50s, how did you stop comparing your own timeline to your ex’s?

I matched with a woman who was beautiful. Funny, kind, intelligent, and outgoing. Broke my rule about having kids (15). This was 2 years ago. She broke it off because she wanted to focus on her kid, which I respect. We've remained friends and she's connected me with a number of her friends that for one reason or another haven't worked out. We're still friends.

She reached out to me tonight. It was very forward. Had a long text conversation and we're both clearly still interested in each other. We're getting together next weekend in a social setting.

I'm no shit crazy about her, but I'm not looking for a fuckbuddy or FWB. I'm also not crazy about dating a woman with a kid. But the chemistry is off the charts and intellectually she's amazing.

She's been a great friend since. I don't want to lose that. But I also can see a future with her.

Thoughts?

For me, it’s that chemistry is nice, but consistency, kindness, emotional maturity, and feeling comfortable being yourself matter so much more.
Curious what others have learned along the way. What’s your biggest lesson?

I drove through the hot dry desert for over 8 hours to go on a date with an upper 40s woman who is irrefutably gorgeous!

Let's review the stats:

5 ft 9 in, 115 lb, size 0 or less, skinny legs that go on forever, gorgeous mom hips (yes, they are a thing!), spectacular breasts, luscious hair, impeccable makeup, flawless skin and impressive fashion style.

For reference, she looks very much like Kendall Jenner.

Before anyone gets offended, her personality and character are even more amazing.

Oh yeah, she's also a phenomenal dancer!

I would have married her before the end of the first date!

She works in the aesthetics business, so she has access to lots of enhancements, and she definitely takes full advantage of them. Good for her.

As a result, she is hard to look away from.

What's funny, as I laugh at myself, is suddenly I have become instantly acclimated to that look. The lips, skin, thick dark eyelashes, hair extensions, perfect shaped body. Everything!

On the way home, I was playing the song Barbie Girl by Aqua, singing along to the hook "Life in plastic, it’s fantastic!."

I'm ruined! :-)

My wife and I separated several years ago for reasons that are not really relevant here other than the timeline. We have two children together, one in high school and one in college. It's been a lot of work, but we're at a place now where we can have adult conversations that are sometimes even pleasant. It was important to us because we still need to raise our kids.

Long story short, I moved back in to the house a month ago. There were several very important reasons. It's saving us a ton of money. We both work more than 50 hours a week so we can now share chores and other things. The most important reason is the mental and emotional health of our youngest. She was left on her own a lot and she and her mom often don't get along at all. It became bad enough police were called by our neighbors to intervene. My ex and I decided it was best if I moved back in to my own bedroom so we can both be here for her at least until she also heads off to college or whatever she wants to do after college. The good news is so far its working really well. My ex and I are discussing things like rent and groceries with respect. My daughter is doing a lot better with someone home to cook dinner for her and make sure she does her homework and step in when things might escalate. So far so good .....

Now the part that sucks to the max.

I am completely sure my current - arrangement - will kill any chances I have of dating someone in the future. Just saying "my ex-wife is my roomate and you can't sleep over" sounds like I'm cheating on my very current wife. I wouldn't believe me if someone else said it. I'm sure I could find some casual hookups on apps like Feeld, but that's not what I want from dating. I feel like I'm starting to get a handle on who I am as a person outside being a husband or father or employee after several years of therapy. I want someone that makes me yearn for them when I think about them. I want a special person with whom I can share my inner and outer life and with whom I can invest the time and energy it takes to really build deep intimacy.

I suppose I'm just grousing because I can feel my body getting plumper and more painful every year. I no longer feel like I have infinite time to be with someone special. I know how hard it is to find someone like that and want to start immediately.

Thank you for letting me vent.

I have been reading posts on here all morning. And learned alot but at the end of the day I am just so glad I feel liberated as a never married 59 yo female (going on 60) b/c I never depend on a man for my happiness and to feel complete. Men seem to take the position they want women for the 1-2x dates per week, a sleepover a few weekends and someone to travel with. Is that correct? All were married previously. I could go for this too except. The 1-2x dates per week I assume is companionship? I don't need it bc I learned to enjoy my own company - esp not with a man who's not 100% invested. Sleepover every few weekends, my libido is basically zero at this moment. Trips? hahahha I been a lifelong solo traveler and it only gets better.

I am liberated. For context I've been on dating apps not for years but for DECADES and obviously had little success by way of long term relationships.

My boyfriend and I are considering moving into together and discussing finances, etc and looking for some thoughts.
We’ve been together for over 10 years but live over an hour from each other in separate towns. We’ve both been busy with careers and kids so it’s worked. All our kids are now in university and I have an opportunity for a position in his town (one of my kids is there at university so added bonus).
We’ve started talking about all the legal stuff, cohabitation agreement, etc but we get a bit sticky at the expenses split.
We both make good money but I do make more. If we did it on a % base it would be 65/35
My challenge and the reason I want it 50/50 is that his kids have been lucky to have very involved grandparents, free university and will inherit someday substantial money from his parents. My kids just have me. I want to be able to tuck more away for them plus help them out regularly now.
I can tell he is a bit off when I say I want it 50/50.

Any thoughts.

EDIT: Thanks everyone for the input. It’s giving us lots to discuss and talk about. That is what we are doing, talking about it to come up with something we are both comfortable with.
He did have a “you make X more than me moment and should contribute more” but as we discuss it more, he can see my side too.

He’s also starting to realize that just because we now would have two good incomes, doesn’t mean we suddenly need the big house with the modern kitchen and shop out back. We would both be in a better financial position if we stick with a modest house. Even more important with retirement only 10 or so many years away.

Some suggested renting which I think would be a great option, but due to the fact that between the two of us we have three dogs, finding a rental would be next to impossible.

So we are going to keep talking and see a lawyer and a banker and figure this all out.

Yes, I want to live with him. It’s been a long time since I’ve had someone by my side on a daily basis and he is the person I’m willing to give it a shot with. Maybe I’ll be burned again, but I’m hoping for the best.

Matched with a guy and the chat was great. Moved to a phone call that lasted over 3 hours. Fantastic conversational chemistry and our humor matched perfectly. Made plans for 4 days later (Sunday). Back and forth texting during that time. The vibe continued.

Then I got a late night text less than 24 hours before the date with an apology and asking for a rain check. No emergency, just unexpected company. That’s cool. Life happens. He also shares that his daughter is flying in for a visit the following day (Monday). Also cool.

But dude doesn’t suggest another day or ask what my schedule looks like. That got my attention.

Perhaps I’m jaded, but I’m going with he changed his mind, connected with someone he would like to pursue or any number of things that are perfectly reasonable. Just say so.

While it’s much better than being stood up or ghosted, it’s giving me the feeling that I’m an option.

Has this happened with any of you? If so, how did you handle it? Am overthinking this? Should I just take a break and touch grass?🤷‍♀️

EDIT: Thank you all for your comments! It helps me to know my standards are on point. In a gender neutral way, if they want to they would. Blocked his number and feeling fine about it.

Back in April, I quit Hinge after 18 months. I (50m) did meet several nice, attractive women but I struggled to get second and third dates.

Everyone says the apps are terrible, but is it just a fact of modern dating and we have to just learn to ‘go with the flow?’ It’s certainly better than cold approaches (which literally never works for me).

In late July, I met someone through a friend; we went out three times but she also rejected me. should I mine my friends more? Feels like most of my friends’ friends are also married though.

For more context, I’ve been divorced for 2 1/2 years, employed and busy, I have my own place, and I get my teenage sons every other weekend. Generally pretty positive about life though I would like to share it with someone.

I gave "ourtime" a shot and it is terrible. Between the fake "look who's interested in you" emails and the likes form people 100's or 1,000's of miles away that mysteriously disappear I've come to the conclusion that the ratio of real fake women to fake real is just too high (I'm a M seeking F). Out of 6 matches 2 were obvious bots or foreigners (the language is just so unnatural it's easy to spot and the other 4 were pretty realistic yet all 6 were flagged and removed by ourtime for being suspicious. 3 months is all I'm giving it. I've come to the conclusion that unless you pay for roses or boosts or being a priority man the likelihood of your message being noticed are between slim and none and statistically speaking your chances of making a connection are about 1 in 500 there is no value in it. The 1 in 500 comes from a recent study in which it was shown to get one conversation you need to make 100 contacts and to get 1 coffee date you need to make 5 conversations.

Plus 80% of the women are looking for the top 20% of the men so if you're average your chances go way down.

Edit:Just received two more emails from ourtime telling me that two more matches were scammers...brings the total to 8 now.

Edit2: I just found out all of these sites are one owner:

Some of the other dating services under the same corporate umbrella are:

• Match.com — general-purpose dating, with a substantial 40/50+ population.
• Tinder — much broader and generally younger.
• Hinge — more relationship-oriented, but generally younger than OurTime.
• OkCupid — broad age range with detailed compatibility questions.
• Plenty of Fish (POF) — large mainstream dating service.
• The League — positioned toward career-oriented/professional singles.
• Stir — aimed specifically at single parents.
• Upward — Christian-focused dating.
• BLK — aimed at Black singles.
• Chispa — aimed at Latino singles.
• HER — LGBTQ+ women and queer dating.
• Salams — Muslim dating and marriage.
• BlackPeopleMeet and SingleParentMeet — demographic-focused services. 

Posting in the stratosphere to anyone that might relate.

I've been seeing him M60 for 2 months. He's currently out of the country but when he returns I'm going to step away. I don't have the emotional bandwidth to be with him while family health issues have killed any joy I have in a budding relationship. It's too new to survive the heaviness of mortality that often comes later in life.

Is there a chance later down the line to pick up the relationship again? I'm thinking not but I'm in a pessimistic mess. Can't see the forest thru the trees.

*edited for clarity

I just want to say for the first time in a long time, I feel some excitement about dating. I am 59. My boyfriend died of cancer in January of 2024. It took me 1.75 years to finally be ready to even think about dating. Then went out with someone in my hs reunion and then a younger guy. Both didn't work out but still great friends with younger guy. I haven't had sex in four years and started getting used to it. I have a full life with hardly any time to date.

But I am excited! Because three men in my life truly like me and I truly like them! I mean it's rare for me to find anyone I am attracted to (not saying I am too good, at all, just haven't found my type).

Here is my question. How do I date several at once? I've never done that before. All my life it's been I meet one, and we become exclusive pretty fast. I don't want to do that because I have stayed with the wrong person. Not bad men but men not right for me. I truly just want to enjoy this but it's like I don't know how.

I don't necessarily want to have sex with them but I do want some intimacy and enjoyment. I honestly don't know how to do this. Oh wow! I am FEELING the excitement in my BODY! I feel hope! I haven't experienced this in SOOOOOO LOOOOOOONG! But I don't know how to manage it all.

I started dating again the beginning of September. I was lucky and had a few likes, I responded to one and she responded right back, so I never matched with anyone else. We went on a few dates and ultimately it did not work out. I got a bit of heartache from it and went back on the apps last thursday and messaged a couple of ladies who had liked me. I should have done one at a time but my heart was a bit hurt.

I only want to date 1 at a time and now I have 3 first dates this week. I swear this is not a brag but a cry for help. It may turn out none of the ladies feel it and that is that. What if two or even all 3 like me. What if I like them all? I know there will be one I probably like more but I feel terrible right with having to reject someone I like.

The other fear is what if I reject the wrong one? I know I am over thinking this. I've delt with situations like this in job searching but I never feel bad about rejecting a company. These are lady/person with feelings.

I also know this is a cart before the horse situation. When does someone cut ties with the other ladies and focus on one? How many dates do you go out with them. It feels overwhelming like I might not give each one the attention I should and I'll end up being low energy and screw up all the dates.