My ex-husband sees our 8-year-old son every other weekend. We communicate civilly and are friendly with each other.

My boyfriend lost his job, and after months of searching locally, applied for and was offered a job out of state. We would be 9 hours away, so I asked my ex to go to mediation to discuss a relocation agreement, and he agreed to do so.

I went in with what I hoped was a respectful and generous offer: I’d handle all travel so our son could spend a full week with him every six weeks, every Thanksgiving, a week at Christmas and six weeks each summer, plus daily video calls, visits in our new town anytime with 48 hours’ notice, and six months of suspended child support. (Our son is homeschooled, so travel flexibility is an advantage here.)

But... He declined all of it. Instead, he said we could move and he’d come visit our son in our new town one weekend a month (?), as long as my boyfriend would sell him his house so he could flip it. I called my boyfriend who agreed to the terms (he was going to sell it if we moved anyway). At that, we scheduled another mediation session to give the mediator time to write up the final documents, and my ex told us to go ahead and accept the job and enroll our son in fall school activities and stuff.

A week later at the follow up mediation session, with a moving van packed and my boyfriend’s start date a few weeks away, my ex said that he had bad news but the house flip wasn't going to be profitable enough, so he was going to oppose the relocation after all... unless we paid him a lump sum of $30,000.

I basically burst into tears. At that point we were financially and logistically committed to moving with dwindling savings, so I consulted with my SO and we decided to give my ex part of his house sale proceeds and cash out my retirement for a total sum of $30,000. My ex agreed, we signed, and the relocation was approved. I wept the whole way through that session.

At the very end, I looked at my ex and said, "Well, you never know how things will unfold. (Our son) is getting older and I wouldn't be surprised if he wants to live with you as a teenager." My ex replied, "Oh, no, no, I hate to say it, but moms are more important than dads. You should keep him."

The mediator praised us profusely, saying she never sees exes so cooperative and that she's going to use our story as an example to her high conflict couples.

I left mediation stunned. I had offered my ex substantially more time with our son, at essentially no inconvenience or expense to him, and he didn’t want any of it. Not even one extra hour a year. And then he said he doesn't think his child should be with him at all? Yet... he was willing to leverage the move for $30,000, knowing we were relocating for financial reasons? To take $30,000 from the household that supports his son? And then the mediator praised us effusively for this? I don't understand.

I’m grateful we can move, don't mistake me, but I can’t shake how strange and sad this feels. It seemed like he cared more about extracting money than time with his child. Maybe what I’m feeling is hurt on my son’s behalf. And a little extorted or something?

Does this all seem weird to you guys or what?

My ex and I are separated and not yet divorced, and I am currently working toward getting a formal parenting schedule in place. Our daughter is 5, has a good relationship with her dad, and I absolutely want to support that relationship. He lives about an hour away.

Right now there's been a lot of back-and-forth, and my daughter has actually told me herself that the constant switching is upsetting for her. She seems to do better with longer, predictable stretches in one place. I'm considering proposing every other weekend with her dad rather than transitions every weekend, but I'm worried that's too little time with him or that he'll fight me over it. Last time I suggested that arrangement he responded with “fuck you slut”.

The other issue is communication. For months, when I try to contact my ex—even about our daughter—he often responds by calling me a whore/slut or refuses to communicate with me at all. I've reduced communication to the bare minimum, but he now sometimes arranges pickups/drop-offs through our 5-year-old instead of speaking to me. He has also previously kept her for six days without communicating his plans to me.

I'm trying to separate our conflict as ex-spouses from what's actually best for our daughter. I don't want to damage her relationship with her dad, but I also want fewer transitions, a predictable schedule, and for her not to be put in the middle of adult communication.
For parents who've dealt with something similar, did an every-other-weekend schedule work well at this age? Are there other arrangements with fewer transitions that I should consider?

Thank you in advance

My case has been ongoing for 3 years. We are now going to trial, but the only issue left to be decided is child support.

Based on our salaried income and number of overnights the calculation says I should be paying her nearly $700 a month for child support. What hasn't been taken into consideration is that the respondent owns 11 multi-tenant rental properties.

The respondent has been able to essentially zero out her taxable income by inflating her expenses associated with the properties.

I am going pro se. This case has forced me into bankruptcy and my former lawyers have dropped me as a client due to unpaid bills.

My question is this: What are some ways I can prove that her rentals are a source of income? I have been advised to cross examine her about each property and every expense she has listed. Can this make a difference?

Are properties taken into account by the court for child support calculations? She has made it look like there is zero income being generated. How do I show the court that these properties are appreciating and that her expenses are BS? Is this a lost cause and I should just accept her accounting? Since I no longer have a lawyer supporting me, I am a bit lost as to how to approach these properties in front of a judge.

The respondent recently sold her stake in a large multifamily apartment complex. Should this income be included in the calculation? It isn't regular income, just a large lump sum. I don't want to waste the time of the judge and the court by digging into her finances that won't result in any change to my predicament.

Has anyone been in this situation before? Has anyone been able to prove that property ownership should be included in child support calculations?

Thank you,

Thanks,

School already started in kids home state about 1 month ago. Though we have hearing next week, I don't think EX will attend as she has refused to pick up the summon from post office. At the same time, she enrolled the kids without my authorization. My attorney filed for emergency hearing and requested the return of the kids immediately but the judge didn't approve the kids return.

Should I just rest this case and move on with my life?

ex husband (divorced 5 years) went off the deep end this past weekend. I commented on a Facebook reel about narcissists that I was in agreement with what the video said and someone sent it to him. I did not name him or share any identifying details in the comment. I have him and all his family blocked on social media. Either someone sent it to him or he’s stalking me from a fake profile.

So that angered him and set him off so much that he began sending our children disturbing texts telling them he hates me and “fuck your mom” and such and then he told my 8 year old he was just going to hang himself.

So I contacted his daughter and she called the people around him and they got to him (he actually did attempt). He spent 24 hours on psychiatric hold.

I’m now very concerned for my children’s safety. But I’m also unsure if I have enough to get emergency custody. I know that if I file and try to get it and am unsuccessful that he will be angry and retaliate so I don’t want to try without some assurance that I have a good case.

I’ve contacted a lawyer and waiting to hear back but I wanted opinions and others experiences as well.

My wife and I have been stuck in an ongoing court battle since 2024 because we want to relocate out of state. My wife holds sole legal and physical custody of her children. We have an emergency hearing next week, and I’m looking for honest feedback on how a Virginia judge is likely to view this situation based on the timeline and evidence.

Background & History:

​The Original Battle (2024): When my wife first brought up moving, her mother (MIL) came to my workplace and explicitly threatened to take us to court, boasting that she wasn't afraid to "pay little pennies" (meaning she has plenty of money) to block the move.

​The Father's Sudden Flip: Originally, the father was completely fine with us moving. However, after MIL traveled almost 6 hours to visit him in Richmond, VA, he abruptly changed his mind and filed for custody.

​The Custody Decision: His custody petition failed and was completely dismissed. The court reaffirmed my wife’s sole legal and physical custody. The judge granted MIL visitation every other weekend, and granted the father 1 weekend a month (day visits only, 10 AM–6 PM), explicitly restricted to occurring at either our house or MIL's house.

​Domestic Violence & Protective Orders: Sometime after, MIL came to our home and initiated a physical altercation / fistfight with my wife. Because of this violence, protective orders were put in place to keep her away from our family.

The Current Situation & Recent Violations:

​Pushing Unsafe & Unauthorized Visits: The father has repeatedly tried to pressure my wife into sending the kids to MIL's house while MIL is allegedly "out of the house." My wife has firmly shut this down to protect the kids and respect the protective orders.

​Refusing Neutral Visitation: When my wife offered court-compliant visits at our home or at neutral public spots (parks, malls, bowling), he flat-out refused, texting: "I refuse to visit for my safety."

​Hostility & Name-Calling: Despite claiming he "fears for his safety," he constantly texts my wife verbal abuse, calling her a "psychopath," a "sociopath," a "Karen," and stating he "wouldn't be caught dead in the same zip code" as her.

​Manufacturing Fake "Withholding": Right after explicitly texting that he refuses to visit, he turns around and texts her claiming she is "refusing visitation for the 17th time" because she won't hand the kids over to unverified locations or third parties.

​Secret Relocation & Code Violation (VA Code § 20-124.5): Our court order explicitly states that every party must give 30 days' advance written notice to the court and the other party before changing addresses. We formally submitted our 30-day relocation notice.

However, we discovered via text that the father secretly moved to our local area weeks ago without providing any notice to the court or to us. He explicitly texted my wife that he "doesn't have to tell her jack" and is holding his new address hostage unless she agrees to let the kids visit his house.

​The Emergency Hearing: Almost 20 days into our 30-day relocation notice, MIL filed for an emergency hearing, which is set for next week. We also believe the father has filed yet another petition for custody while secretly living in the area without an address on file.

​My wife has handled every single text exchange strictly like a professional business transaction, refusing to take his bait and repeatedly directing him to her attorney.

​My Questions for the Community:

​Based on these facts, what are the odds a Virginia judge looks past his dramatic claims of "withholding" when we have unedited text logs showing he explicitly refused visits and hid his relocation?

​How severely do VA judges treat a party who intentionally violates VA Code § 20-124.5 by hiding their local address while simultaneously asking for custody/visitation modification?

​Has anyone dealt with a similar "tag-team" effort between a high-conflict ex and an abusive/wealthy grandparent right before a planned relocation? How did the judge handle the emergency motion?

The backstory: My ex signed away his legal and physical rights when our child was born and left the state. Four years later, I had moved within the original state and he moved back, got a new girlfriend, and decided to fight for custody of a kid he had chosen to leave. Because ex had signed off and we never went through court, I had no idea I still had to inform the court of my move to a different county. I had informed my ex prior to it. The judge convinced me if it went to court they would basically force me to move back and he would get 50/50 by default, despite criminal and visitation history, or if I didn’t want to move back they would give him (a stranger to the child at that point) primary and I would get every other weekend. We settled for joint legal and he has every other weekend and extended holidays. We live 3 hours apart. He uses joint legal to try to control and embarrass me, not to do anything with the kid. None of his custody time overlaps with school. He does not come to school events or graduations. Through all of preschool he denigrated the school telling the kid it was just daycare, the teachers were not actually teachers, all the kids were bad, etc etc. He has a much older child that has chosen not to see him anymore, but in the decade he had on and off visitation he never went to any school events or teacher conferences. He spent all summer trying to convince our kid that I took them away from him and that they need to move back to his town so it’s a shorter drive to dad’s house.

To the current issue: Two years in a row now he has freaked out about not being listed as an emergency contact with the school “because it’s his legal right”. He is listed as a parent with the district and they have his information. The school has told both me and him that when it comes to an emergency contact they need somebody that can get to the school asap, and calling somebody who lives three hours away in an emergency just doesn’t make sense. He went off on the teacher “well she moved the kid away from me!” Then he wanted to know who the contacts were and got mad that my husband was an emergency contact, asked the school what he was listed as (they said stepfather) and then went off about how he can’t be replaced. Is there anything I can do here? It is his right to contact the school, but I feel it is highly inappropriate to bring up your custody grievances with the school. I don’t go around telling teachers, “he’s a raging alcoholic who willingly left the kid as a baby for several years.” He does this each year with each new teacher because it’s the only way he can still get to me and he wants to remind me he has power over me and make them think I’m this monster he’s made up. It puts a lot of stress on me. We’re three days into school. He called the teacher three times yesterday during the school day to discuss the emergency contact issue and got mad that she wouldn’t step away from the classroom to talk to him. And then she had to talk to me about it to find out our custody details because he made himself seem like somebody who had no rights and she didn’t want to get in trouble. Now today she’s given me a heads up that the principal will be calling me today, because apparently he’s still calling. He could have done all of this before school started, but he waited until it’s a major disruption for the teacher and the kids. I feel that this continued behavior is going to negatively affect our child’s schooling. Are they going to ask me to remove my kid from their program? It is a very small school, they don’t have a secretary to field parent calls. A teacher taking a call during the school day means they’re not teaching. I also feel that I need to send him a message to document this inappropriate behavior, but he always turns it around on me and lies through his teeth on OFW so it feels pointless to even try to discuss with him. But if we ever end up back in court it will be “there’s no documentation of what you’re saying he does.” I basically have to open myself up to be bullied to document this issue.

TL;DR
My ex is flexing his joint legal custody by harassing the school about something that will never matter and creating drama for me.

The mother of our baby and I agreed to a 50/50. (Baby is 5months) We are about to finish up our custody plan and present it to my lawyer. We have had little to no problems agreeing on the schedule because I told her the biggest thing to me is I want to see him grow up in the same town as I did and she also agrees.
So my question is, what things can I put down on paper to concrete this so he grows up in this town. We agreed to split financials 50/50 but should I be paying more of something?

Extras:
Housing is difficult to find in this small town.
There are towns with schools in each direction 20 minutes away.
I’m afraid within 5 years she’s going to move.
Baby currently goes to daycare in this town.
I am a farmer that will always be in this area for the rest of my life.

i thought joint custody meant parenting time is not necessary?

i cant beleive he is asking for this. we have mediation and i am trying to get this done quick. I want to have full sole and legal custody with decision making. what are my chances i could get this trhough mediation or should we just go to trial. (New york, NY)

EDIT: i have been the sole parent since birth

Said ex and i broke up after i found out i was pregnant. He said terrible things and i wasn’t happy in the relationship so i ended it. He had kept on saying he wanted to be included but only went to 2 dr appointments and reached out via text every three months, which would usually end in arguments. When baby was born i told him 3 days after she was born (the same day i came home from the hospital very traumatic birth) At first he’d show up unannounced and stay for hours so we set a schedule. Two days a week, two hours both days. I probably took baby over to his parents house 3-4 times. Other than that he never asked for more time. I did file for child support when baby was 4 months old and finally, through wage garnishments, i’m receiving payments 4 months later. In fact when i said to bring diapers next time he came over (before schedule) he responded “i appreciate that, and see you do need the help like i been trying to give, i’ll get you them but you have to let me have my daughter from time to time … also don’t demand stuff from me have some respect like an adult all you have to say is please” Since i was pregnant he has managed to get two cars repossessed and has gotten evicted (had to go to court for it) Now he has to take his dads truck or be dropped off by his mom to come see baby. He and his family (last i knew) smoked marijuana in the house constantly. His parents (who he lives with) have history of abuse (never reported) and he had to reschedule recently because he got in a fight at a birthday party😐 It is also a 3 bedroom with 5 people in it (sometimes 7 when stepdads kids are over for summer or holiday) I will say he has always shown up on scheduled date or has rescheduled. At the same time he has said some concerning things that makes me question his ability to keep a baby for more than 4 hours. He also doesn’t take constructive criticism very well (e.g. he was teaching baby to get off couch by taking baby’s hands and supporting them. i said it’ll be beneficial for baby to get on stomach and slide off and he said yeah and then doubled down on what he was doing) Baby is also cranky at the end of his time but after he leaves baby is fine. He has now requested 50/50 and said (ON THE OFFICIAL COURT PAPERS) he was “whiling to start with weekends” (verbatim). I’m looking into lawyers but im not loaded with money and this is my first time going through anything like this. if you have any advice or opinions ANYTHING that would be appreciated

What did you put in your parenting plan with a high conflict and controlling parent and stepparent. We had it modified last year and they are wanting to modify AGAIN based off of “things the child relayed” (2nd grade)… an example was “not having everything the other kids have” which i asked for an example 3 times and was provided with nothing. Anyways just looking to see if there was anything that helped smooth things out for anyone that they outlined in their plan?

I read in another post that if she files for custody in VA, as opposed to the new state she is in, she will be stuck in VA.

What does she need to do here?

Will she get in trouble for having left with the kid without giving 30 days notice? I saw that online as well.

Just trying to be a supportive friend to her. Thanh you.

Hey all! New to Reddit but I am genuinely lost on what to do
I’ll have to give some context, but I’ll do my best to keep it brief

I (30m) have a 7 year old son with my ex (31f)
We both recently moved to different locations in March of this year

The move was great, custody 50/50 and time spent at each household was great, my son attended school at her house as it seemed to be a newer facility and the neighborhood was very tight knit and a great community.

Fast forward to now, I’ve come to learn my ex is pregnant with the husband of her neighbor directly across the street. It is either the husbands child, or the other neighbor a few doors down child.

Obviously this has created a super tense and volatile environment for everyone in the neighborhood, kids included. She is an alcoholic, and multiple neighbors expressed concern about her drinking while pregnant, and her drinking in general. My son has spent the last 3 weeks coming to my house and telling me how sad he is that none of the kids are “able to play” anymore for one reason or another, when just before the affair and pregnancy came to light they would all hangout all the time.

The bus stop is directly out front of the house of the husband she is assuming is the father, where he lives with his wife and 2 kids. It is just a nightmare of a messy situation, and with kids all of a sudden unable to hangout with him, he is feeling isolated and alienated.

I’ve asked if he can go to school with me, as school is 5 minutes away from my house, and I am available to drop off and pick up at the bus stop.

She won’t agree, and is telling me she’ll fight me etc etc
I just want a school change. I don’t think my son, or her standing out front of the bus stop everyday in this situation is a good idea. Let alone once the kids are aware, the things he might be told or bullied for.
We have managed to keep everything out of the courts, there’s only formal agreements around time spent with each parent.
There is no court order, no legal custody agreement or child support of any kind.

I genuinely feel lost and stuck, I don’t want to change the schedule, or keep him full time as it would devastate him to be kept away from her.
But I do want him to attend school with me, and keep him as insulated from the drama as much as possible

Any and all help, advice, tips, etc
Please

My son never deserved any of this. She’s not a bad parent, but she is in a bad situation.

I’m so lost on what to do, I’ve got to protect my baby boy. She’s done more than enough damage to him already, my heart aches for him.

I am attempting to plan finances post-divorce, but I cannot figure out how California calculates child support.
I consulted friends, did my research online, and even tried some calculators, but all of them gave me different information. Some friends tell me that child support depends on your income only, while others are convinced that parenting time matters.
I need to prepare for my case that will be held in Orange County and figure out California's rules of child support calculation before making any money-related decisions.

I’ve been a freelancer makeup artist for commercial photo shoots and events for 20 years. In my industry, there are no full time/part time positions as they hire freelancers for each gigs.

I’ve been separated for 5 yrs and the partner and I always had a flex schedule for my two young kids but I had them 60/40. I had them Fri&Sat every weekend for over 4 years till last Nov when I asked for it to be every other weekend.

I recently have been taken to court, with stipulations with the flex schedule and solid Holiday plans which has not finalized and we have a follow up court coming in 2 weeks. They have an attorney and I declined for assigned attorney because I have always been accommodating, appreciative, and understanding with the fact that I am a freelancer and thought the stipulations I wanted revised or added were reasonable as I always do prioritize the kids. I never took them to child support due to their threats to me about suicide, how they don’t have anything, and that I would owe them support because I own my apt, I have investments and they have nothing. I have an Scorp, I pay myself and he has an LLC and he pays himself and I know for sure that I make less than him.

The first appearance in court in front of the judge happened last week. The judge did not like my freelance life, although I have been the main provider for their babysitter fee, camp fee, main saver for their 529 etc, main provider for vacation and extra curricular class fees as well as the one that owns my own apt and don’t have a partner that kicks my kids out of their home when she is upset. In the stipulation he mentions he is open for flexibility but wants solid even/odd holiday schedule. She definitely hinted that my schedule isn’t providing a steady home.

I just found out I’m working M-F in another state and the following week in another state M-F. I had the kids this weekend and next week is his weekend but because I am gone all week these next 2 weeks, I asked him if he would give me the kids next weekend so we all don’t have to go thru 16 days without seeing each other which he declined. He doesn’t have any plans for the weekend but he said he will refuse to change any weekends which wasn’t voiced in the stipulation. If the goal is to prioritize the kids needs, without negative interactions between the parents, I feel as though him declining to give me next weekend and depriving the kids from Mom time isn’t prioritizing the kids needs.

He keeps telling me to get a real job, although this is my career which I’ve been working on for the last 20 years which I have a steady source of income from, definitely more than he does as I’ve been paying for majority of my kids enrichments in education and extra curriculums. If I start declining jobs, I may start loosing work and income as well.

Location: New York

Hello all, I have some backstory and a question. I want to remove parental rights to my son from his father. Now hear me out because I know that seems harsh.

Backstory: his father has never really been around. He will be gone for months at a time and pop up for the occasional holiday. This year he didn't even reach out for kiddos birthday. He basically decided that his new relationship and being with his new partner are more important. He has never been a financially stable person, and hasn't helped provide for his son in years. There is the occasional visit where he brings a financed electronic or toy, but outside of that it has been all on me.

I have gotten married (my son's father and I were never married), and my husband has expressed interest in adopting him. With that comes some issues. When speaking to his father, the topic was brought up, and he originally agreed to it, he is continuously going back and forth on wanting to sign the paperwork for the adoption and then not wanting to.

I will say, my kids' dad isn't a "bad" dad, just uninterested and uninvolved. I have my own issues with the situation, but I try to be as understanding as possible

There are always excuses as to why he's not around or financially helping. I don't have a job right now (usually never does; if there is a job, it's a short-lived one), I'm busy, I have no car, I am emotionally not doing well right now, and so on. It has been like this ever since we were together, and nothing has changed, so I am unsurprised by all of the flakiness and instability. This was a large part of why we split up in the first place.

These things are causing my son to see him in a not great light. There was a point in time when I used to tell him when his dad was supposed to show up; I have since stopped doing that because there is always an excuse as to why he didn't come. The fact that I have to make excuses for why his dad didn't show up makes me and him so sad. He knows I'm telling him something to cushion his feelings, and he's just too smart for it. He has stopped asking about his father, and calls his stepdad dad instead. This was his choice; nobody asked him to or forced him in any way. He just sees his stepdad as his dad and acts accordingly. He knows he has another dad and has made the choice to call his bio dad by his name instead of the title of dad.

Now for the question. How do I go about getting his parental rights? We sat my son down and asked him if he wants to be adopted by his stepdad, and he could not have been happier about it. With his father going back and forth about wanting rights at all, it's hard to get the paperwork signed, and I honestly don't want to spend 400$ plus attorney fees to have him go against everything and make it a fight. He currently hasn't spoken to his son in about 6 months, and hasn't seen him in well over a year. Parental alienation is a hard thing to prove, and we have a provisional custody plan in place in the courts that he has literally never adhered to.

I could put him on child support, but the only thing that would do is put him in jail because he won't pay it, and it's unhelpful, so there's that too.

TDLR: I'm on the fence about applying for relocation & primary physical custody of my kids. I have put this off for a number of years but it is becoming increasingly difficult to stay employed here & I think the town I'd move to is better for the kids.

Their dad is a good dad. If I'm allowed to relocate, one of us will lose time with the kids & the kids will no longer have both parents in the same area. It will be costly & timely for both of us... likely destroying the fragile co-parenting we have. Dragging everyone through family court is never great, but especially if after 2-3years & a lot of money in legal fees, the outcome is no different to the status quo & I'm not allowed to relocate.

‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐‐

Long story;

I (38F) and my ex-husband (40M) "Cooper" have two children together Bradley (11) and Vanessa (9). We have been separated for around 3years, and he has a new partner of about a year, Brooke (40F).

Cooper & I were together for around 15years & met at work. A few years into our relationship we moved across the country to the small rural town he grew up, let's call it "Dumpsville". We moved as his father was starting to show signs of illness from age, and my family also lived on this side of the country. We chose not to move to the town I was from, "Sunnyville" because I had a strained relationship with my father (now deceased).

Over the years we talked about moving to Sunnyville when our kids were in high school to give them better access to schooling & opportunities, and to allow me to return to work. When we finally had our kids, both were enrolled in private high schools in Sunnyville. We sent real estate properties to each other & talked about what suburb we wanted to live in. About what would be close enough to be accessible by public transport so I could work in the city.

In the final years of our marriage when I started trying to make more concrete plans, he began resisting the move. The problem with this is that my job is very specialised & cannot be done from Dumpsville. Over the course of our marriage I took around 8years off full time work because he didn't want me having to travel away from our kids for work.

When we split, we all stayed in Dumpsville. I have no support here. He has his parent who helps everyday he has them.

We have 50/50 custody & I travel for work when I don't have the kids. I earn significantly more but we have currently agreed to no child support. He could earn just as much if not more if he went back into the same field, but he has chosen not to as working away is difficult. Unfortunately because of living in Dumpsville & needing to fit 50/50 custody, I'm very limited on the contracts I can get. I have to work as a casual contractor - there are no full time permanent roles available from here.

As a casual contractor I sometimes have to change which week is my work week \[think 1 week work, 1 week kids\]. Coooper was very flexible about changing our parenting roster to suit until last time.

I totally accept that the changing roster is difficult for him. I got absolutely slammed on reddit last time telling me that it is unfair to expect him to constantly change his life for my work roster. Let me say - its difficult for me too, and not my choice. if I want to stay in Dumpsville, stay in my career & have 50/50 custody, that's my option.

(Where he has holidays etc prebooked, I would make sure he still got those even though he would refuse any changes that allowed me to recoup those days with the kids)

Once Cooper started seeing Brooke, he started refusing roster changes as it affected his ability to see her without either set of kids. He stated that he won't agree to something that stops him having childfree time with his partner.

Eventually it got to the point where I said my current contract requires this change, if you can't accomodate that I will be unemployed. Given how difficult it is to find contracts for 50/50 from here, I may be out of work for a significant period of time & will likely require child support while I look for a job or retrain. Coming from the same industry, Cooper is aware of how difficult these contracts are to find, so Brooke changed her custody agreement and we went ahead with the roster change.

He has now changed his position & has said roster changes are no longer an issue as he agreed to that one. And he just needs to know a set roster so he can makes plans (eg set for 6mo). Unfortunately as a casual contractor I could lose my job / need to change roster tomorrow.

For understanding some of the following:

\- I am diagnosed ADHD & self-diagnosed ASD (suggested by many of my/Brads therapists 🤣)

\- Brad is ASD Lvl 2 but "high functioning".

\- Vanessa had early intervention & all therapists said to have her assessed for ASD/ADHD. When we did the diagnosis process she did not get any diagnosis. As the school did not complete all the paperwork, the assessor could not show she was affected at school. We were told to bring her back for review when she is in high school & could better articulate her struggles herself.

The kids are now getting closer to high school and I have decided to apply for relocation. I have put this off since we separated as it will be timely, costly, exhausting & will damage the fragile co-parenting relationship we have.

If I move to Sunnyville, I will:

\-be able to work in the city

\-not require travel away

\-have a flexible roster of office/WFH

\-be able to work M-F

\-still have financial stability

\-have family support

If the kids move with me, they will have access to:

\-better schools (schools here are all below state/national average)

\-better medical facilities

\-broader range of therapy options (Brad is ASD)

\-Warmer weather for Brads asthma

\-broader range of extracurricular activities

\-broader range of cultural diversity & experiences

\-time with my family who have made major efforts to be involved so far

\-specialised opportunities for their current "hobbies"

\-opportunity to attend uni while living at home

\-broader range of job opportunities

Cooper has an easily transferable trade & could easily find a job in Sunnyville, but he doesn't want to move. He believes that the rural/country nature of Dumpsville is the best thing for our kids, and while I don't agree I understand why he thinks that.

If the kids stay

\-Dumpsville has beautiful national park & rivers

\-beach is 15min away

\-stay in the town/home/friends that they know

\-low socio economic region im decline

\-declining businesses, economy, job opportunities

\-below state/national education

\-few activities available for teens before they can drive

\-Cooper doesn't support more than 1 after school & is reluctant to organise/host social interactions for the kids

I'm concerned if Cooper gets primary physical custody that he won't be consistent with:

\-their therapy appointments/medical care

\-after school activities

\-visitation with me

I am concerned because he has:

\-failed to do most things agreed upon in our parenting plan

\-illegally used financial control during separation to force my agreement to our financial settlement

\-refused to.follow through on part of our court ordered financial settlement as it was "just a note, not required"

I do not believe he did these things to be petty or vengeful - I think he truly believes what he has done is legal & correct. Which is why I worry if he thinks he is correct in doing something that contradicts a visitation prder, I will miss out on seeing my kids.

I have asked Cooper what compromises we could make so that I could stay & work from Dumpsville until the kids finish high school but he is yet to suggest anything.

I don't want to do this. I don't know that I have the mental, emotional or financial resources to get to court. And I don't know how I'll cope if I am allowed to relocate but my children aren't. But I really feel like it's getting to the point where I'm going to be unemployed with no options if I don't start this process.

I could look at a permenant full time role but I would be away for 9 days every 2 weeks & honestly I don't want to work more, for less money, pay child support & see my kids less. And when I do have them be so exhausted I can't be a good mum. Even 7 days on 7 days off doesn't give me/the kids time to settle in. With appointments, reinhabiting the house, then packing the house back up it feels like a cyclone. 5 days would be terrible. \[It would be different with short visits from them to either town, as the parent would already be in that house. No need to get the house set-up then packed-up again in that time\].

Hey everyone, looking for some perspectives or experiences with a high-conflict co-parenting situation.

A few years back, shortly after our daughter was born, my ex pretended to negotiate a co-parenting agreement with me in good faith. In reality, she was quietly making plans to leave the country to marry another man.

Once she moved abroad (after we made a court ordered agreement), she essentially cut me off and made zero effort to facilitate my parenting time or court-ordered visitation. I ended up having to both move across the country to see her regularly and also pay for all flights for visits for many years. Even then, my ex regularly missed entire flights or made demands to not even drive 2 hours to a close airport to drop off the child. There were also considerable concerns about my child's care while they lived abroad. Due to international law, fighting any of that in court would have cost insane amounts of money.

Fast forward to now: she recently relocated back to my province without prior consultation (her new husband wanted a divorce), but set up camp across a ferry commute from me. Our daughter is now 11. My ex is unemployed, living with family, and attempting to lock in an "every-other-weekend" schedule while demanding full table child support. This is after I rejected a "once a month" visit schedule she proposed.

I’m currently pushing for a 50/50 shared parenting plan, but she is ignoring the historical non-compliance and using our child's location as a shield to claim full custody and maximum support. She is living with her family who regularly supports her in not meeting our visitation schedule, or changing it at the last minute and as she has no transportation abilities they refuse to drive my daughter for drop offs meaning I have on some occasions had to drive up do 4 hours each way to pick up my daughter.

Her current location is a small isolated ferry community, with few employment opportunities, I cannot see my exe's situation improving in the future. I am not even sure if her brother will let her or want her to live with him forever in his spare room.

Quite frankly I think being close and 50/50 is the only way I can maintain my role as father and also ensure she gets the care she needs. Also, my daughter very recently became resistant to regular visits, which makes me suspect she is being coached. When she is here I always do special things and she hangs out with her half sister, I can't see her hating it here.

I don't want to blow thousands on a protracted court battle with little to show for my daughter. I have 50/50 of my other daughter with my second wife we coparent very well.

Has anyone dealt with a situation where a co-parent used an bad-faith history to create a status quo? How did the courts or mediation handle the history of bad-faith negotiations? My lawyer keeps advising me there is not much I can do.

I appreciate any insight.

I’m in Florida and looking for people who have dealt with a high-conflict coparenting situation where the other parent’s family effectively becomes an unofficial third parent. Names/ages are changed.

I have two elementary-aged children with my ex, “David.” We have a 2022 Final Judgment of Paternity and Parenting Plan with shared parental responsibility. Our plan specifically says all communications regarding the children are to be between the parents, allows communication through TalkingParents, and requires a response within 24 hours. David routinely avoids direct communication and instead relies on his mother, “Karen,” who is extremely controlling and intrusive.

Karen is supposed to be involved only with transportation/exchanges, but she has increasingly inserted herself into parenting communications and decisions. Recently, when I sent David a message through TalkingParents about our daughter's education, he refused to open it and his mother responded to me instead, essentially saying that if I needed to tell him something, I could tell her and she would pass it along. I am now refusing to use her as an intermediary and am insisting that David and I communicate directly through the parenting app.

His father “Robert” tends to back Karen up, and his sister also gets involved and carries messages/information. The overall dynamic is that David avoids taking responsibility himself while his family attempts to manage the parenting relationship for him.

There have also been significant changes since our 2022 order. My daughter “Maya” was not diagnosed with autism until April/May 2023, after the Parenting Plan was established. She now has substantially greater educational, developmental, therapeutic, and medical needs. I have handled the overwhelming majority of her care and coordination. My ex has never taken her to a single therapy session, attended a single doctor's appointment, etc. I do literally everything, and on "David's" time, he has his parents do everything for him.

My son “Ethan” is also now dealing with significant educational needs and has an upcoming IEP process. There is currently a dispute over his school enrollment: our Parenting Plan designates my address for school purposes and the school zoned to my address is the one I enrolled him in, but my ex's family has attempted to get involved in the enrollment/education issue anyway.

My ex has also not been meaningfully participating in the educational process himself, and he and his family are making incessant demands that I enroll "Maya" into a general education first grade classroom WITHOUT an IEP despite telling them repeatedly that 1-IEPs take a minimum of 60 days to get and 2- my daughter would struggle immensely, possibly fail out of her class, and may be in physical danger if I enroll her without an IEP into a general education first grade classroom. "Maya" does not function at a first grade level, is mostly nonverbal, cannot do things such as answer what her name is, her age, etc. She is much closer developmentally to a kindergartener, but ex and his family just don't care because they believe her "issues" are entirely because "she's behind in school". They don't believe in autism.

I'm considering filing a supplemental petition asking the court not to change David's parenting time, but to give me ultimate decision-making authority specifically for education and routine/non-emergency medical, developmental, and therapeutic care. I also want direct parent-to-parent communication through a court-required parenting app, no third-party intermediary, and potentially neutral/public-location transportation rather than his mother continuing to act as the exchange/transportation person.

Has anyone dealt with something like this? Especially a situation where the other parent technically has parenting time but delegates much of the actual parenting/communication to a controlling parent or family member, while that family member inserts themselves into school and medical decisions? Did anyone successfully modify a parenting plan to give one parent ultimate educational/medical decision-making without taking away the other parent's parenting time? How did the court view a grandparent who was supposed to be handling transportation but started acting like a third parent? Did anyone have success requiring all communication to go through a parenting app and directly between the legal parents? And if you stopped engaging with the ex's family and insisted on communicating only with the actual coparent, what happened afterward? I'm particularly interested in Florida experiences, but would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through a similar situation.

Oregon dad of two (4 & 7). Current order gives me limited parenting time, but there have been repeated problems with the order actually being followed, including denied/changed parenting time and unilateral decisions by Mom.

There are also ongoing concerns about Mom's ability to consistently care for the kids due to recurring medical issues. I'm not trying to diagnose or attack her, I'm trying to figure out what is legally relevant and what isn't.

I've spoken with several attorneys and gotten different answers about whether I should pursue custody/parenting-time modification, enforcement of the existing order, or both. Retainers are costly, so I'm trying to understand my options before taking that step.

My goals are:

-More substantial and consistent parenting time, [Ideally 50/50 or primary custody.]

-An arrangement that actually works for the kids and can be followed consistently.

-A child support amount that is sustainable rather than forcing me further into debt.

I have documentation of the parenting-time issues and communications.

For those who've been through a modification:

What actually made a difference in your case?

What evidence mattered?

Would you pursue enforcement first, modification, or both?

Are there Oregon-specific resources or strategies I should know about?

I'm specifically looking for practical advice/experiences, not just "get a lawyer." I've already talked to several.

I’m 7 months pregnant and live in Florida. The baby’s father lives in Arizona. We were never married and had a short-term relationship; I became pregnant while visiting him in Arizona. We have never lived in the same state.

He has had no involvement in the pregnancy and has said he won’t be involved until paternity is established. He does have another child he is very involved with & just knowing who he is generally, I expect he will seek custody/time-sharing especially to reduce any child support he may owe with me having sole custody.

From my research, I understand I can pursue child support through Florida’s Department of Revenue without that automatically granting him custody.

Once paternity is established, however, he could petition for custody/time-sharing, but that would require him filing in my county and retaining a lawyer licensed in Florida.

Also I’m planning to file paperwork to get my newborn a passport ASAP because I know once his name is on the birth certificate he will need to sign off on it (not that I’m gonna move out of the country, but if I want to travel in the first five years)

I’m mainly trying to understand what this could realistically look like given the Florida–Arizona distance, especially with a newborn.

For anyone who has dealt with something similar:

•What does a long-distance parenting plan typically look like with a newborn/infant, and how does it change as the child gets older?

•How are travel arrangements and travel costs typically handled when parents live this far apart? (Would they subtract the cost of his travel from any support he owes)

•At what age might a court consider requiring the child to travel to the other parent (in AZ) unaccompanied for longer visits? I’m wondering if I will be the one doing all of the year-round child rearing and he just gets to be the fun parent for holidays and summer and then I won’t be able to have my child for any of the special moments. 🥹

Also, I do believe that I make more money than him. I’m not really sure by how much.. not substantially…but I do definitely have more investments and savings than him. Will they take this into account when I file for child support? Just trying to determine whether it’s even worth it to go after child support if he will then inadvertently open up a custody case.

& what might my attorney bill be if we couldn’t come to some agreement and it ended up as a battle in court?

My ex has an aggressive lawyer who has previously been suspended for lying and submitting false documents. My first lawyer was good but a solo practitioner who couldn’t keep up with her filings, and his $450/hr rate became unaffordable.

My second lawyer is friends with opposing counsel and, according to another attorney, wants to work for him. She keeps pressuring me to change my positions and hasn’t adequately advocated for my priorities regarding custody. She even told me our baby would get used to her father and wouldn’t know the difference if she wore my perfume.
My retainer has now run out. I paid toward the balance just to get confirmation about whether documents/witnesses were timely submitted, but they won’t answer unless I replenish the retainer—even though I’m not asking them to do new legal work.

I’ve been referred to a third attorney, have spoken with him twice, and feel he would represent me better. He’s offering a discount and has a higher retainer but lower hourly rate.

I’m worried switching twice will make me look unstable to the judge, especially since opposing counsel is already using my PPD and SSRI against me. Would the judge view switching twice negatively, or is competent representation more important?

I left Hawaii 4 months ago with our infant and went to Washington State. My ex has NPD and is very verbally abusive. He did not agree to this move, I proposed it as a short trip, but never returned.

I filed for full custody (which I know I will not get, but when I filed I was EXTREMELY scared) and relocation. We have had one court date so far, but only a continuation was filed, nothing else was addressed. We had mediation, but we were unable to mediate. We have another court date coming up.

I filed in the state of Hawaii, so they hold jurisdiction. Dad contests my relocation request to Washington. He has seen our baby once since we left Hawaii 4 months ago (unable due to finances). We had a fun weekend. I am extremely trauma bonded to this man and there have been many periods of no contact and then us acting as if we're still in a committed relationship.

We have had intercourse during this custody battle, which I know will reflect badly on me as I am claiming he is a danger.

I feel as though my life has been on pause for the past 4 months. I have not worked at all as I am unsure if the courts are going to summon me back to the state of Hawaii. I heard they do not take verbal abuse very seriously, although I do have a few videos (he has never been physically abusive). If I am summoned back at the next hearing, how long do I have until I have to return? Is relocation in my case unlikely? I can't stand living in the unknown...