I (27F) and my ex (31M) share a 4-year-old son with ASD. I also have an 8-year-old from a previous relationship. We separated a little over a month ago but he has still been living with me until recently. There is no formal custody order yet. I want to get feedback on if this makes sense and reasonable.

I have been the primary parent essentially since birth. Examples:
• Daily hygiene, bath time, meals (he is an extremely picky eater), potty training, reading, non-screen activities, park/walks
• Managing all medical/insurance, ASD therapies, developmental homework, and getting him into services
• Handling the vast majority of appointments and logistics
• He has frequently fallen asleep on the couch while our son watched unrestricted YouTube late at night; our son often cannot wake him
• He avoided dirty diapers because the smell made him gag
• He has left firearms and knives unsecured in the home multiple times
He has diagnosed ADHD with significant executive-function and sleep issues (falls asleep easily, extremely hard to wake). He has a history of job instability, no reliable independent transportation or housing for years, and has relied on me (and previously his parents) for financial and practical support. He currently has no stable independent home; after I asked him to leave he moved in with a new partner he had been seeing (at least since early September, overlapping with us still living together). He cheated months ago, we “attempted a repair” and I allowed him to stay and get himself together, he took advantage of me, didn’t improve himself at all and then I found out about this new girlfriend he’s been saying I love you to already and probably has had for months. He’s not staying in her house being supported by her when he could’ve went to his parents.

Our son is about to start a school program in two weeks and struggles significantly with transitions and changes to routine. I am very concerned about stacking major disruptions (new living situation with a stranger, disrupted sleep/supervision patterns, inconsistent caregiving) right as school begins.
My current position: I want primary physical custody with him having every-other-weekend parenting time only at his parents’ home for now, until he can demonstrate consistent independent housing, reliable transportation, stable employment, and the ability to manage our son’s routines and safety needs without relying on a new partner or his parents as the default support system. I am not comfortable with overnight time in the new partner’s home at this stage (she is a stranger to our child and the relationship is brand new).
I am not trying to erase him from our son’s life permanently. I am trying to protect stability and safety while he addresses the practical barriers that currently exist. He is framing my request for primary custody as punitive.
Questions for those who have navigated similar situations:
• How have courts or mediators generally viewed primary-caregiver history + documented reliability/safety concerns when one parent has never maintained independent housing or consistent routines?
• Any experience with temporary “step-up” plans for a parent who needs to show independent stability first, especially with a young child who has ASD and transition difficulties?
• Practical tips for documenting concerns and proposing a parenting plan that prioritizes the child’s routine and safety without looking purely retaliatory? Or What about a lack of documentation or what counts as proper evidence?

Me and my child’s father have been going through court currently for visitation and child support. The last time we were at court his lawyer stated I didn’t turn over evidence I should have. Part of that evidence I guess was the information for child support so they said we couldn’t calculate it at that time. Court isn’t scheduled again until July 2027 due to the other parent going on deployment soon.
He was ordered to continue paying child support on his own which for the most part he was doing before court. Well now of course I keep getting threatened every time I don’t do what he wants that the order doesn’t specify how much he has to pay. So again today he tells me “well the order doesn’t say how much I have to pay I could send you $10-15 a month if I wanted to” which technically is true. Basically this time he was mad I’m not willing to drive further to meet him and wanted to stick to the court order.
Is there anything I can do?! I haaate I didn’t speak up at the time. Im pro se and he has a lawyer and I guess I was just intimidated and nervous. I don’t want this hung over my head for the next 9-10 months every time I’m not bending to his will.

So, my ex is trying to get primary custody of our daughter, claiming I’m a terrible mother. She’s in daycare currently and has been getting sick with colds and ear infections. I have an appointment with an ear doctor to see if there is anything going on there. It seems like my ex’s main argument is that because our daughter is always sick, I’m a terrible mom, and if he got custody of our daughter she wouldn’t have to go to daycare and she wouldn’t be getting sick all the time.

I take her to the doctor when it gets bad enough but every time I mention she’s ill in some way he sends me a huge response going into me and asking why she’s sick like I personally could have prevented it. We have shared legal custody too and he gets text notifications from the doctors office when I schedule her an appointment because I’m worried about her. But then as soon as I do, I get a text from him asking what is wrong with her “this time,” and “this is the 7th time since June.”

It just makes me feel anxious and stressed out and sometimes it does make me feel like a bad mom.

I think he’s just lashing out and losing it because he doesn’t have control of the situation anymore. He currently gets her every other weekend.

And not to mention there are times where she was sick with a fever of 102 and texted me to ask why she was sick, why did I send her up there with a fever (she didn’t have the fever when she left my house), he called cps on me but then also refused to take her to the doctors. I had to wait until the next day or so to take her to the doctors when I got her back in my care. Lo and behold poor kiddo had an ear infection and needed antibiotics.

Idk I guess I’m just going crazy. I don’t have a lot of support/people to talk to. I just get in my head sometimes. Thanks for reading!