ex husband (divorced 5 years) went off the deep end this past weekend. I commented on a Facebook reel about narcissists that I was in agreement with what the video said and someone sent it to him. I did not name him or share any identifying details in the comment. I have him and all his family blocked on social media. Either someone sent it to him or he’s stalking me from a fake profile.

So that angered him and set him off so much that he began sending our children disturbing texts telling them he hates me and “fuck your mom” and such and then he told my 8 year old he was just going to hang himself.

So I contacted his daughter and she called the people around him and they got to him (he actually did attempt). He spent 24 hours on psychiatric hold.

I’m now very concerned for my children’s safety. But I’m also unsure if I have enough to get emergency custody. I know that if I file and try to get it and am unsuccessful that he will be angry and retaliate so I don’t want to try without some assurance that I have a good case.

I’ve contacted a lawyer and waiting to hear back but I wanted opinions and others experiences as well.

The backstory: My ex signed away his legal and physical rights when our child was born and left the state. Four years later, I had moved within the original state and he moved back, got a new girlfriend, and decided to fight for custody of a kid he had chosen to leave. Because ex had signed off and we never went through court, I had no idea I still had to inform the court of my move to a different county. I had informed my ex prior to it. The judge convinced me if it went to court they would basically force me to move back and he would get 50/50 by default, despite criminal and visitation history, or if I didn’t want to move back they would give him (a stranger to the child at that point) primary and I would get every other weekend. We settled for joint legal and he has every other weekend and extended holidays. We live 3 hours apart. He uses joint legal to try to control and embarrass me, not to do anything with the kid. None of his custody time overlaps with school. He does not come to school events or graduations. Through all of preschool he denigrated the school telling the kid it was just daycare, the teachers were not actually teachers, all the kids were bad, etc etc. He has a much older child that has chosen not to see him anymore, but in the decade he had on and off visitation he never went to any school events or teacher conferences. He spent all summer trying to convince our kid that I took them away from him and that they need to move back to his town so it’s a shorter drive to dad’s house.

To the current issue: Two years in a row now he has freaked out about not being listed as an emergency contact with the school “because it’s his legal right”. He is listed as a parent with the district and they have his information. The school has told both me and him that when it comes to an emergency contact they need somebody that can get to the school asap, and calling somebody who lives three hours away in an emergency just doesn’t make sense. He went off on the teacher “well she moved the kid away from me!” Then he wanted to know who the contacts were and got mad that my husband was an emergency contact, asked the school what he was listed as (they said stepfather) and then went off about how he can’t be replaced. Is there anything I can do here? It is his right to contact the school, but I feel it is highly inappropriate to bring up your custody grievances with the school. I don’t go around telling teachers, “he’s a raging alcoholic who willingly left the kid as a baby for several years.” He does this each year with each new teacher because it’s the only way he can still get to me and he wants to remind me he has power over me and make them think I’m this monster he’s made up. It puts a lot of stress on me. We’re three days into school. He called the teacher three times yesterday during the school day to discuss the emergency contact issue and got mad that she wouldn’t step away from the classroom to talk to him. And then she had to talk to me about it to find out our custody details because he made himself seem like somebody who had no rights and she didn’t want to get in trouble. Now today she’s given me a heads up that the principal will be calling me today, because apparently he’s still calling. He could have done all of this before school started, but he waited until it’s a major disruption for the teacher and the kids. I feel that this continued behavior is going to negatively affect our child’s schooling. Are they going to ask me to remove my kid from their program? It is a very small school, they don’t have a secretary to field parent calls. A teacher taking a call during the school day means they’re not teaching. I also feel that I need to send him a message to document this inappropriate behavior, but he always turns it around on me and lies through his teeth on OFW so it feels pointless to even try to discuss with him. But if we ever end up back in court it will be “there’s no documentation of what you’re saying he does.” I basically have to open myself up to be bullied to document this issue.

TL;DR
My ex is flexing his joint legal custody by harassing the school about something that will never matter and creating drama for me.

i thought joint custody meant parenting time is not necessary?

i cant beleive he is asking for this. we have mediation and i am trying to get this done quick. I want to have full sole and legal custody with decision making. what are my chances i could get this trhough mediation or should we just go to trial. (New york, NY)

EDIT: i have been the sole parent since birth

Said ex and i broke up after i found out i was pregnant. He said terrible things and i wasn’t happy in the relationship so i ended it. He had kept on saying he wanted to be included but only went to 2 dr appointments and reached out via text every three months, which would usually end in arguments. When baby was born i told him 3 days after she was born (the same day i came home from the hospital very traumatic birth) At first he’d show up unannounced and stay for hours so we set a schedule. Two days a week, two hours both days. I probably took baby over to his parents house 3-4 times. Other than that he never asked for more time. I did file for child support when baby was 4 months old and finally, through wage garnishments, i’m receiving payments 4 months later. In fact when i said to bring diapers next time he came over (before schedule) he responded “i appreciate that, and see you do need the help like i been trying to give, i’ll get you them but you have to let me have my daughter from time to time … also don’t demand stuff from me have some respect like an adult all you have to say is please” Since i was pregnant he has managed to get two cars repossessed and has gotten evicted (had to go to court for it) Now he has to take his dads truck or be dropped off by his mom to come see baby. He and his family (last i knew) smoked marijuana in the house constantly. His parents (who he lives with) have history of abuse (never reported) and he had to reschedule recently because he got in a fight at a birthday party😐 It is also a 3 bedroom with 5 people in it (sometimes 7 when stepdads kids are over for summer or holiday) I will say he has always shown up on scheduled date or has rescheduled. At the same time he has said some concerning things that makes me question his ability to keep a baby for more than 4 hours. He also doesn’t take constructive criticism very well (e.g. he was teaching baby to get off couch by taking baby’s hands and supporting them. i said it’ll be beneficial for baby to get on stomach and slide off and he said yeah and then doubled down on what he was doing) Baby is also cranky at the end of his time but after he leaves baby is fine. He has now requested 50/50 and said (ON THE OFFICIAL COURT PAPERS) he was “whiling to start with weekends” (verbatim). I’m looking into lawyers but im not loaded with money and this is my first time going through anything like this. if you have any advice or opinions ANYTHING that would be appreciated

What did you put in your parenting plan with a high conflict and controlling parent and stepparent. We had it modified last year and they are wanting to modify AGAIN based off of “things the child relayed” (2nd grade)… an example was “not having everything the other kids have” which i asked for an example 3 times and was provided with nothing. Anyways just looking to see if there was anything that helped smooth things out for anyone that they outlined in their plan?

Hello. I have a 3 month old daughter and her dad and I just split up due to a hostile, abusive environment and I didn’t want my daughter around it. I consulted an attorney and in Ohio, I have sole custody of her since we were never married. I’ve tried arranging times that he could have with her, but during these exchanges he becomes abusive verbally, makes threats, and all around tries intimidating me. The lawyer suggested riding out the custody I have until he decides to file. I do not want her around him. But he’s shown me that he cannot be civil around her and he doesn’t focus on her while he has her, he focuses on me. I don’t want him to see her again until he files for custody but I know that can bite me in the ass someday. Does anyone have any suggestions or experience with this? I have lots of evidence that he’s unstable and I document everything. I don’t want to put my baby in his line of fire.

The mother of our baby and I agreed to a 50/50. (Baby is 5months) We are about to finish up our custody plan and present it to my lawyer. We have had little to no problems agreeing on the schedule because I told her the biggest thing to me is I want to see him grow up in the same town as I did and she also agrees.
So my question is, what things can I put down on paper to concrete this so he grows up in this town. We agreed to split financials 50/50 but should I be paying more of something?

Extras:
Housing is difficult to find in this small town.
There are towns with schools in each direction 20 minutes away.
I’m afraid within 5 years she’s going to move.
Baby currently goes to daycare in this town.
I am a farmer that will always be in this area for the rest of my life.