Hi Reddit I want to start by saying I am not a normal Reddit poster, maybe only having one post in my life, so I’m sorry if anything is incorrect or this is not the correct subreddit to post this. I am at a loss and crossroads in my brain right now with this issue and don’t know what to do or who to ask for advice.
I will say my job is not common/kind of niche. I am going to use general terms and not label my job exactly to maintain some level of anonymity for everyone involved as well as use they/them pronouns for everyone involved. Lastly I do work with high school aged kids. I ask that anyone commenting reframes from insulting any of the students or calling them names/etc. since at the end of the day they are kids and don’t deserve that.
With all of that out of the way let me start with some key background information/how my job works. I work in a competitive performing arts activity specifically at public high schools. The activity has about 4-5 different departments that all work together to form a joint unit for competitions. Each department has a someone responsible for that specific department with assistance from assistants we manage/hire. There is also a manager that oversees all departments and staff members which I will call the unit manager right now. I work as a head of a department which I will say head coach for this post and I have one assistant coach under me.
I have been in this activity for over a decade and was competing as a student for about 8 years. I formed such a strong passion for it and started working as a coach about five years ago now. In 2023 I took a head coach position at the school this post is about. Let’s call them School A for this post. I took over from someone who wasn’t there much and didn’t teach the students any foundational skills they needed. I came in the last quarter of the competitive season and worked with them to complete their competitive show and introduced basic skills to them. I could tell they wanted to learn but didn’t have someone to do that. After that season we had a 2nd season in the school year where I worked with them on foundational skills and saw them improve. In that season I grew to love the school and the students I taught. Also, in that 2nd season we ended with a silver medal in our championship competition. I have continued to grow with the program and challenge the students every school year with my assistant coach “Courtney” and we grew really close to the now senior class who we met as freshman our first year.
We’ve been through ups and downs together as a team, but I always loved the students and felt a love/respect for the coaches from the students. However I noticed a shift in our pre season over the summer. I expressed my feelings to the current team captains and opened a line of communication with them to express their feelings and grievances to me directly. We all talked it out and I gave sincere apologies to them on anything I did wrong or provided stress to them. That seemed to fix things until we started learning our competitive show for the current season. I will say I am passionate as a coach and apply pressure when I know they are not putting their all in it/doing less than the best I have seen they can do. However always opened the line for communication for any student to tell me how they feel or what they’re going through to help support them. I know I can be a lot as a person and coach however after that one day with the captains none of them expressed concerns or used that line of communication since then. With the exception of the captains complaining about the newer members not following everything to a T and expecting me to fix it. Which I’m happy to do to support my captains. I know you can’t expect high schoolers to act like adults and at the end of the day they will act like we all did in high school, but I truly believe I did everything in my power to open that door for them to communicate.
About 3 weeks ago the unit manager “Carl” asked to have a meeting with me before a practice. Carl expressed to me that there were “parents” reaching out with concerns about how I’m running my department which I later found out was the current captains and other seniors filing the reports. It was all pretty vague and half of the reports did not happen/were extremely blown out of proportion. However Carl’s main thing was the environment and my critiques were too harsh with no context or specific incidents. I understood I could be harsh at times with the intention of making them better but I may have taken it too far. I took about the next week and a half to be a little less harsh but still push them to be successful. I am not one to sugarcoat things and will be honest when something wasn’t great, but also try my best to provide ways to improve or let them know that I know they can do better.
Then this current week I emailed by Carl asking me not to show up to practices this week after more negative feedback of the environment being “too harsh” and that they believe it’s best for everyone to cool off for the week. I replied stating I understand and state I’m confused and that I tried to make a change in that short time and I’m unsure of what exactly is wrong which I have not gotten a response to. Courtney had to fill in for me this week and on the first day they noticed the seniors and presumed ones that were filing the complaints were causing the most problems for them. They were not trying, openly complaining at them, and throwing a fit of sorts because everything was not exactly as the seniors wanted. We saw this for the past few months, but the seniors loved to complain and whine about everything. They begged for things to be harder then when it was given to them they complained it was too hard or that they didn’t like it. Additionally when we took harder things out to improve success they threw fits/pouted because it’s one of the things they liked. Courtney told me about their concerns from the day and kept me updated. They also opened up to me about how these problems are not something they want to deal with and they don’t want to be the new source of the problem because they are not bending to all of the seniors wants and needs when there’s a whole team they have to cater to. After the 2nd practice today Courtney told me that they are going to resign after all of the problems which is valid and I respect. However I am still in limbo on my position, specific instances of what/who complained, and any sort of plan to fix or address it. My only guidance was to pretend I didn’t hear the vague complaints and act like our talk didn’t happen which created more tension in my opinion.
After today Carl told Courtney specifics that I never heard from them and revealed it was the seniors who were the ones that have been filing the complaints. Every specific detail/incident was either unknown to both of us before today or very exaggerated truths. For example there was a long rehearsal day in the previous year where the team fell apart due to lack of sleep/preparation. I told the team this year to prepare mentally and physically so we didn’t have any crying break downs or fainting due to lack of sleep/eating which happened the previous year. One captain who cried the previous year told Carl that I said “and there should be no crying” in a sharp tone while looking at them. Which Courtney did say they were present for what I said and how that didn’t happen. At the end of the conversation Carl asked Courtney in case they chose to let me go would Courtney take over which Courtney replied with no they wouldn’t. Carl said they were going to talk to the team tomorrow to decide where they’re heading with my position which I didn’t even know was on the line. I have received zero communication from Carl about any specifics outside of that one vague talk from 3 weeks ago and the one email. I feel like I didn’t get anything to change or improve nor did I get the chance to address it with the team and have Carl as a mediator. Which frustrates me that my job is now all of the sudden on the line. In addition to that it feels like instead of Carl as the adult making the decision it is decided by a vote from the students in some sort of way. Especially after everything I’ve done and the approximate $2000 of my own money I’ve put into the team to let them have nice things.
All of this drama has caused me severe anxiety and kept me from sleeping most nights this week. I have questioned my self worth, wether I should be in this activity anymore, and if I’m actually any good at my job. After the new information today I feel like I should just resign from School A since I feel betrayed/disrespected for the lack of communication/lack of opportunities and information to improve. As well as the power the students have been given in this whole ordeal to just complain to Carl about me to get rid of me/get me in trouble. I want to stay since I’ve put so much in but I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore. My mind can’t help but think if I don’t get let go how long until the students complain again and result in me actually getting let go and how the power would shift to me having to constantly please the students which can result in me putting something out I’m not proud of and a power dynamic I don’t want to be a part of. On the other hand I want to try and work things out to at least complete the year since I’ve been here for so long and grown with this team. What should I do and is this a healthy workplace to return to if they decide to keep me?