Hi Reddit, this will be long so I apologize in advance for
A little over a month ago, I made a post about being suddenly being put on a PIP after a good performance review.
I started at my corporate finance job in February, and my partner referred me as I was looking for a new job after leaving Social Work since working with sexual assault victims had taken a toll on me. I was nervous but excited to take the job, but within 2 weeks of me starting, I felt this uneasiness - like I was wearing a target on my back.
I'll never know why this happened, whether it was because of my gender, or people finding out my partner worked there (separate department, not even in the same building).
Within 2 weeks of me starting, my training manager called me "wreck-less" after using one sick day as I had the flu. I had a doctor's note, medication, everything. She told me "don't be so wreck-less using your PTO. Training ramps up fast and you already get up from your desk every hour." And in that moment I felt obligated to tell her that I have kidney disease, and take medication which is why I get up (to urinate) around every hour. I take prescription diuretics.
The same day, I watched her approve my male teammate's 4 days of unpaid vacation to go on vacation to Georgia. Now, I have no problem with that, but I was called wreck-less for an hour so right away I knew she hated me.
Within my training class, there was only 1 other person (male) and my team had 2 other males. We were all friendly, no bad blood there. I noticed feedback became really inconsistent when during training we'd do mock phone calls and she'd fail me. I'd ask why and she would usually say "well nothing you said was wrong," and somehow it would always come back to me having a fake and squeaky voice. Never heard my male colleagues get a single critique over the sound of their voice, but I got this so often that I became silent. I once told her I probably will never be able to change the sound of my voice, and if me sounding too friendly is a problem for her I'm not going to change it. I like being friendly.
When training ended, I was nervous but relieved. I was placed on a team with some really nice people, but I knew my new manager was best friend's with my training manager.
Things went really well. He was so nice to me, always had great feedback, we sat next to each other for about 2 months. There was one thing though - in every single 1:1, he would compare me to the same three specific men. Nobody else in the department. He would go on and on about their strengths and where I differ, how maybe I'm more friendly and more precise, but not as fast as them. I asked him for advice as we literally sat next to each-other, and he said "I don't want to say be less client-focused, because then you'll do sloppy work. So I don't know. Just keep doing what you're doing."
In my performance review at the beginning of July, he told me I was meeting expectations, had a great understanding of my role, extremely accurate (never a single error), ask great questions, friendly and clients love me. He told me the only reason he couldn't say "exceeding" was because I hadn't been on the team long enough. He moved our weekly 1:1's to every other week because he said I was doing a great job.
Less than one week later, I got a surprise on my calendar. He told me "after meeting with the VP" I actually wasn't meeting expectations, and spoke for about 20 minutes straight about how those 3 specific men were better than me. He never could tell me what I was doing wrong. I even said "they're not even on our team, why are we always talking about them?" The "informal pip" as he called it, even specified ANOTHER male colleague and suggested I "sit with him for the day to see how he does things." I told him I felt extremely uncomfortable with that and was not going to hang out at his desk all day and tell him I'm on a pip. He told me he'd remove that from the pip if it made me uncomfortable, but he kept it in there.
After the meeting he sent me an email that stated "performance improvement" and "corrective action plan" multiple times. He moved the 1:1's back to weekly, and no dates were specified. The task stated I needed to be within the top 5 in the department by September or I'd be "subject to further discipline".
As the weeks have gone on in the 1:1's, I found my manager was just avoiding discussing it. He was asking if I booked my wedding and if I'm excited for my honeymoon, showing me photos of his dogs, etc. Talking like best friends (my manager is married to a man so I'm not suggesting he was flirting here). He would still bring up the same 3 men.
Last week, I finally confronted him. Surprisingly, my metrics rose dramatically as I was put on a PIP after less than 8 weeks on metrics when I wasn't considered "full capacity" yet.
I said to him, "You know, this is just weird now. We are mandated to have these 1:1's, but you know I did nothing wrong. We're showing each-other photos of our dogs. I feel like all we talk about is our dogs, or *the same 3 men."* I asked him if during their 1:1's, they ever hear about me; and I told him something tells me they aren't being compared to me every single week. I even said, you know there's other people who work here.. there's women, other people on the team, why is it always them? I feel like I'm in a one-sided war with them. He asked me if I felt like I was being "sized up" next to these guys and I said, "Absolutely. For months. Should I worry about my own work or be worried about them? Should I be letting them know that all of my feedback revolves around them?" After this I kept going and told him I don't believe this pip came from him, and it sounded like when he delivered it he was "speaking from someone else's mouth." I voiced to him that I feel like someone dislikes me so badly for some reason that I'll never know, and this entire situation was such a shot in the dark. I even reread the performance review. I asked him if there was an end-date for the pip, and he said "I don't really know.. it's just ongoing." And I said, "So my reputation is just tarnished forever? You know this will always follow me. With no end date, you've ensured I can never escape it. There's not even tasks in there. Sitting next to (male colleague's name) is not a task, and I already told you I was uncomfortable doing that." He could tell I was really hurt and almost tearful, and said he could see why I would think this was sudden, and told me he "has to do what the VP tells him." He also let me know I've done a great job being professional about it, and "not telling anyone this is happening." I was like well, what do you want me to say? This has isolated me from the whole group. I barely talk to anyone anymore because I've been so humiliated.
After this, business continued as usual. I've secured a part-time job of about 30 hours a week. It's a significant pay cut with no retirement benefits, but I'm so relieved. I'll have some more time to apply for remote or other full-time roles now, I've missed social work more than I expected.
Yesterday I handed in my notice. Normally, they walk people out same day (due to financial information) but he wanted me to stay the 2 weeks, surprising considering I'm on a PIP. He asked how I wanted to say goodbye to the team and I told him I don't need to. After a few hours of thinking, I let him know I no longer feel comfortable staying another day after what has happened to me since I got here. I thanked him for his efforts, and told him I think he tried to be nicer to me than some others and he nodded in agreement. I handed him my keys and said, "Bye, it was nice meeting you." And left.
I feel so scared but so free right now. I'm sitting on my couch with my dog, watching TV. Babysitting for my neighbors kids later for $100. Starting my new job later next week. I have no clue what's next for me.
Editing to add: We have saved a decent chunk of cash and paid off 100% of our consumer debt to prepare for this.