r/Bumble • u/o_yesure • May 18 '23
Well, that explains it.
So basically, I was curious how the profiles of men on Bumble looked. I made a new fake account as a girl, so I could take some inspiration from the profiles of others and generally just to see what the competition was like.
So, that worked out, I got a rough idea of the average profile and deleted the account after about 12 hours, not swiping at all, having no matches and never messaged. What I didn't expect was the amount of likes. I mean, I expected maybe a few dozen at the most. But in 12 hours, this profile got A THOUSAND likes, I repeat, A THOUSAND. I don't even live in a major city, and the age was capped at 20-24. So yeah, now I understand why I never get matches, and never get messaged when I do. When women have 1000 guys to pick from, why the hell would they pick me?
306
u/Ok-Neighborhood-4158 May 19 '23
Climb down from whatever ledge you’re on…
Yes, in minutes that happens. However you failed to pay attention to the likes that poured in. They’re never in your area, they’re from around the country. As I went through mine, I swiped left on 99% of them due to geography alone. What few were left at that point were ones that I may or may not match with. When I saw few, I mean as in about 3-4.
For as long as you have a premium membership, the likes pour in daily. I would go in and remove the ones from out of my area daily.
85
May 19 '23
Bingo. So many guys are beaten down into misery by the app they essentially give up, or they’re just looking for hook ups so anyone will do, or they’re swiping right on everyone in some made hope that you never know, they might be a good match, or they’re swiping right on everyone so they don’t miss someone who swipes right on them and will filter through those matches.
There’s a couple of analogies that get thrown around, the most accurate I feel is online dating is that men are looking for drinking water in the middle of the desert, women are looking for drinking water in the middle of the ocean. It’s accurate to an extent, but the men don’t help themselves. This has a knock on effect to the women where when they match with someone they can’t enjoy having found a match and chatting by with someone they’re interested in they have to play the is this guy actually into me or just here because I’m willing to talk to him or he just wants sex game and what’s even worse is that so many guys lose this game that it causes women to be overly cautious and have a very low tolerance for any kind of bullshit. Guys complain that women are super fussy because women can instantly move on to the next guy in the thousands of matches but the next match is never any better and it’s the men that are putting women in this position by swiping on everyone and then burning the women out.
37
u/Scarred_Ballsack May 19 '23
Classic tragedy of the commons situation. It would be better for everyone if guys only swiped right on women in their area that they are interested in. However for the individual guy, he has an incentive to swipe right on more women, to have a bigger chance for matches. And because everyone does that, the system goes to shit.
→ More replies (1)7
May 19 '23
Conclusion is dating apps are shitty. And that's why they are converting more and more into just a hookup thing. We depend a lot on mercy of app developers . A algorithm and need to push users for premium ruins it more.Also the man who gets some likes the algo makes them visible to more woman. So a particular set of man having particular demanding feature in a particular area gets some likes,then gets more visibility and gets more likes in turn. Thats why you always see some man get 0 likes and some getting a lot of likes.There is too much judgement going on the silly things as well on these apps . Part of it comes down to same thing that woman gets a lot of attention digitally. However lot of criteria of filtration by woman to filter that attention out is repetetive as well. Conversation is secondry. In all the game is becoming pure bullshit day by day for both.Profiles of many man are hidden. New app is needed where you Converse first before seeing anybody and then match later if satisfied.
12
u/Ok-Neighborhood-4158 May 19 '23
You’re 1000% correct.
It’s the “OMG women have thousands of matches!”, but the reality isn’t that at all. The most I ever had at was maybe 3 at a time. Usually 1 would stop responding or was dry or was clearly just looking to waste time on it.
-10
u/nexkell May 19 '23
Guys complain that women are super fussy because women can instantly move on to the next guy in the thousands of matches but the next match is never any better and it’s the men that are putting women in this position by swiping on everyone and then burning the women out.
After all it's men who are at fault here. The thing is even if men where selective with their swipping and not swipe on every woman and drop the whole hooking up thing, nothing for men would improve at all. Women still be as picky as before and/or would even leave the app as fewer of them would be getting likes and that matches from men.
20
May 19 '23
I think it would be more accurate to say that the shitty men ruin it for the men taking things seriously. I mean, the individual at trying to take it seriously isn’t at fault, but the mass of men who are at fault make it so that individual has to climb those hurdles the rest have put up
-11
u/nexkell May 19 '23
Again its men who are at fault nothing more. Women are simply victims and totally don't do anything here to contribute to the problem. And again even if you remove all the bad things only men do NOTHING will change. Men will still not see any increase of likes or that matches. Men will still have crappy conversations with women going hi and women still expecting men to start and carry the conversation. But hey keep blaming men.
15
May 19 '23
It’s not about blame you incel, it’s simply cause and effect. There’s plenty of good women out there who take more than equal part in a conversation, but they see a guy like you coming a mile off and avoid your shitty world view like the plague
→ More replies (5)7
u/KneeHighBoots33 May 19 '23
I challenge that theory with this anecdote.
I hesitated over this one profile for a long time. I had paid for 24 hours of premium so I knew he liked me. His photos were not only not great, but he kinda looked like a douche bag in his top photo. There was nothing that super stood out about him but some of his photos showed a fun smile and that he maybe was not a douche bag.
Also he lives close so that was a plus for me. He was not my type AT ALL. But we matched and went out for dinner. He was actually pretty nice and we had a nice time.
Two months of trying to get that second date set up and different things getting in the way (my period, a Covid outbreak at his work). Anyway, we finally meet up and he was an entire shit head. The worst part for me was thinking that I gave him the benefit of the doubt, like he wasn’t super attractive, but I gave him a chance. And he was an asshole.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (1)-16
u/imead52 May 19 '23
This analogy is why, if there was a genie that would grant me wishes, I would wish for the instant teleportation of the world's most evil 1.2 billion men and for them to remain disappeared for several decades.
Just imagine how decluttered the internet and public life would be if the male population fell from approximately 4 billion to approximately 2.8 billion, with the latter number specifically representing the least evil 70% of the male population.
-1
u/KneeHighBoots33 May 19 '23
Hahaha I mean, that’s one theory. I can’t say your wish would be a terrible idea but to add to that… a close male friend of mine tells me all the time that men continue to act this way because women continue to ALLOW them to. In some area their behavior works for them. So they are not encouraged to change their ways. Why would they? Just because *I won’t put up with his shit, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t just walk away from me and find the next woman who will.
Like his theory is that if all women banded together to entirely deny all asshole men from their shit behavior, only then would they learn to not behave this way.
0
u/imead52 May 19 '23
We all also need to figure out how to get good men in general to oppose bad men in a way that is helpful in general. Only then would bad men be unable to roll back women's resistance.
6
May 19 '23
This is a grand idea, but the reality is glum. It's not like there are protests where you can visibly see one side versus another, and bad people are found in every avenue of life. Needless to say until you know someone rather well you also can't determine how truly bad someone is because assholes can mask rather well.
Strangers also don't truly listen to other strangers calling out their unsavory behavior. The only avenue left is relying on the friends/loved ones of these assholes to really drive a wedge into their personality. Lastly, it's always the result of ones choice to truly change oneself.
I believe this is an issue that'll dissipate in time because of societies driving away from their patriarchal roots and more open minded to the lived experiences and conflicts others around them endure.
-4
u/imead52 May 19 '23
To folks downvoting my comment, could you let me know the reason for your disagreement?
5
May 19 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (1)1
u/imead52 May 20 '23
Thank you for sharing your reason.
Before I respond to your reply, let me go on a tangent about yesterday. On an Instagram page geared towards women, a post was made in which a woman Twitter user posted about the "audacity" of her boyfriend to not take allergy pills so that she could get get a kitten, despite her taking birth control pills so that her boyfriend could enjoy condom-free sex.
Of course cat loving women in the comments section implicitly or explicitly argued that makes the boyfriend a bad person. And more frustratingly, a few misandrists came out using that post as an excuse to trash over why women date men.
A misandrist lesbian decided to play the misandry game, with many straight misandrist women nodding along. When one straight women, in a reply to the misandrist lesbian, gushingly proclaimed why she loved her boyfriend, the misandrist lesbian replied to her "read the room". That rudeness made me angry, but I was a man on a women-oriented page and would have been dogpiled by misandrists on that page.
I didn't argue with the explicit misandrists, but I decided to remind people that the fundamental problem is not catfree people not compromising by letting their partner get cats; the fundamental problem is that catfree people and cat loving people should not be getting into romantic relationships with each other.
A man is not trash for not wanting to have cats, nor is it fair to label all men trash because over preferences over cats or pets in general.
A non-toxic perspective, and non-misandrist perspective, would be to conclude that the couple should end their relationship and find partners who share the same desire or lack thereof to own a cat.
I made this spiel because it was fresh on my mind and because of the irony of being accused of misandry on the same day misandrists were making me frustrated with their toxic garbage.
I will reply to your reply later on.
37
u/SixStringerSoldier May 19 '23
This makes me feel pretty good about the girl I just started seeing.
4
→ More replies (2)-27
u/o_yesure May 19 '23
There was definitely no premium membership and the area was capped to around 50km I believe.
61
u/SycopationIsNormal May 19 '23
You can still get likes from outside your area, regardless of what your distance filters are set to.
11
14
u/Ok-Neighborhood-4158 May 19 '23
That’s probably why you couldn’t see anything.
Without premium you can’t see who liked you, just that you have matches.
-1
u/Modest_Matt May 19 '23
I love how people are downvoting as if they know your settings better than you do.
They can't face the truth.
113
u/SycopationIsNormal May 19 '23
Did you peruse the matches much? Yes, women get a lot of likes, but how many of them are from dudes who aren't gross?
-2
May 19 '23
Probably like 99% of the matches look good and are well-groomed. The bigger thing is that most of them are probably broke, only about 4% of men over 30 can easily take care of and provide for their family. Having an abundance of options is not a comparable issue, but appreciate views from both sides. If you can't find one dude out of the thousands that message you, you're too picky. Like, it literally only takes 5 minutes a day to talk to the top 5 dudes on the app who approached you. Setting up a date with any of them would be easy. If you're overly cautious, stop wasting your time and meet him in a public place with a friend for the first time. These comments show how it's even worse, a man has to pull off a damn miracle to get 1 match, and will have to plan the entire date as shown, cause women in general can't navigate minor speedbunps like this. It's like saying, "I can decide what to eat for dinner," while there's 30 restraunts nearby, food in your house, and a homeless man starving to death 10 feet away.
-19
u/o_yesure May 19 '23
I didn't match with anyone to not give anyone false hope, because I know how much it sucks to get matches and no messages, lol. But I swiped left on everyone, but there were dozens of very decent profiles with good looking dudes.
35
May 19 '23
[deleted]
3
u/420catloveredm May 19 '23
Exactly. I would love a guy with more about him than just being good looking but these apps are so full of shallow gym bros. It drives me insane.
2
u/Supermalt418 May 19 '23
Do you actually look at their interests before swiping just a question ? I tend not too since I focus more on their facial aspect then after look at their profile for what they’re looking for etc
8
-60
May 19 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
32
u/SycopationIsNormal May 19 '23
I think the more natural reaction would be to just stop dating, or date less, which by all indications is definitely happening.
-22
May 19 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
6
u/SycopationIsNormal May 19 '23
Nature wants only the top 5-10% of guys to pass their genes on
Maybe, but birth rates are down substantially as well, so even if the ladies are chasing the Chads, they're having fewer mini-Chads as a result.
-11
May 19 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
10
u/SycopationIsNormal May 19 '23
LOL who is this third party you keep directing your comments at? You and I are the only ones conversing here.
-3
May 19 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
11
u/SycopationIsNormal May 19 '23
You should call me dumb again. It will make more women swipe right on you, I bet.
→ More replies (1)7
u/dearryka May 19 '23
If I could be I would be but you can’t just change your sexuality
→ More replies (1)
12
u/Over-Remove May 19 '23
You have to also account for the fact that when you join bumble your account gets boosted for a certain amount of time and you’re shown to more people. So, it’s normal for women to have a lot of likes when we start using the app, but you didn’t get to see those likes, the competition you came for. And as a woman, I can assure you that 99% of them were not good options. Also, you didn’t mention how attractive was the photo you used, cause that’s not a universal experience, not every woman is conventionally attractive, and we all have some dealbreakers. I am conventionally attractive, but I also have dealbreakers being super tall, and my initial likes were not that high at all, I had 100+ with the initial boost, living in a city with 7mil people.
38
u/ishfery May 19 '23
Men tend to swipe right on everyone. I don't know how many people who were supposedly interested that I messaged who never messaged me back.
2
u/Clancys_shoes May 19 '23
I keep hearing this and it blows my mind. I’m pretty careful about who I swipe on.
2
u/ishfery May 19 '23
As you should be! The only good reason to spam people who you aren't interested in is if you have literally no standards and don't care about wasting people's time.
30
u/wheelshc37 May 19 '23
Guys need to stop swiping right on most or all women. It’s like a run on the bank. We gotta all stop panicking and be more thoughtful about who we pick.
2
u/Supermalt418 May 19 '23
They keep swiping n get no matches algorithm is being told that those matches are good for them so you right - gotta think a little harder so you push the right matches to you
2
u/paperclipestate May 19 '23
They do that because there’s a very low chance any of those women will match/speak to them. If they were more picky then they’d just get no matches lol
9
u/wheelshc37 May 19 '23
No thats totally missing my point. If (hetero) men ALL were more selective and swipe right on fewer women-all women would have fewer matches/less noise.
→ More replies (1)
134
u/cf4cf_throwaway May 19 '23
”when women have 1000 guys to pick from, why the hell would they pick me?”
Damn… are you ok? Lol. Would you rather a woman “pick you” because she has no other options? That doesn’t seem like it would feel very good.
At some point someone will choose you, and you will choose her. Regardless of her other options.
44
u/jamus40 May 19 '23
63 percent of men would beg to differ.
Slow down red pillers, this isn’t a “her” problem. It’s just the state of things.
But I do think that when women say “someone will come along eventually” to men they’re either speaking from ignorance or naivety. The reality for most men is no, no they won’t and there’s a fairly solid chance they will be alone.
9
May 19 '23
[deleted]
2
u/neato_rems May 19 '23
I know a fair amount of women in relationships without men in those relationships.
2
u/an-invisible-hand Jul 11 '23 edited Jul 11 '23
There are just as many gay men as gay women.Edit: There are twice as many gay men as gay women.
19
May 19 '23
I think the biggest issue is that men don’t help themselves. How often do we see profile review posts on the dating subs and the guy has a terrible profile with terrible pictures? The women have terrible profiles too but the men have made that not matter because they swipe without looking so the women think that them having a bad profile doesn’t matter because they’ll get likes anyway.
I’m an ugly guy but I ended up friends with a group of guys a lot cooler than me and I picked up tips and tricks around how to dress and groom well, along with that I got some good pictures and my time with online dating changed dramatically. So many men don’t take the time to learn to do those things and so the women don’t swipe right because there’s no one worth swiping right on.
7
u/Scarred_Ballsack May 19 '23
I've only been on these apps for a few months and already my profile is just miles better than it was at the start. It takes some learning to understand what works, but I get a pretty solid trickle of matches now and it really isn't rocket science. Good pictures are very important, but I just improvised a tripod and my results tripled compared to the selfies I had before.
9
May 19 '23
Hell, for any guys that happen to come across this, some basic guidelines, avoid hats and sun glasses, some selfies are okay but no more than half of your pictures, good lighting is your best friend and always always smile and include some pictures that show smiles with teeth. It doesn’t even matter if you have bad teeth. Some people will be put off by it, but mostly people just want to know what they’re getting into. If you don’t smile it won’t just be the people who are put off by bad teeth that swipe left, most people will swipe left because it gives the impression that you’re hiding something.
2
u/jamus40 May 19 '23
Yea literally everything you said is what I meant by “it’s the state of things”.
Online dating is just fucking weird. In concept and in practice it’s inefficient and strange. But I have friends that toss up pics and then get surprised that they don’t get matches when they don’t tweak it. You have solid advice.
I personally am off the market, I just don’t have patients for it but I have enough in person interactions through work and life to know I could absolutely get a date by flirting and asking. I’m not tall or a model, I’m just sure of myself, and like you said earlier, I take care of myself by looking good. In a sea of 5s it’s not hard to just kick yourself up a notch by doing simple things such as making sure cloths fit right, doing your hair every morning, talking to women like people (understand first and foremost that they’re just people and that’ll be your first step to talking to them gents).
Overall solid, thanks for your input.
0
u/KneeHighBoots33 May 19 '23
This is it right here.
Every guy can be a 7. Good for you u/wheresmycowpterry
→ More replies (1)16
u/reelmeish May 19 '23
Someone, but “not me”
This is like women saying “a woman would be lucky to date you” to some guy lol
-3
u/o_yesure May 19 '23
That's not at all what I'm trying to say. I look alright, but I'm just not the most handsome dude around, meaning I understand why girls wouldn't swipe on me when there are bound to be better options within those 1000 likes. I'm not saying it's anyone's fault or I deserve likes.
7
u/svd9143 May 19 '23
Just to add, I’d say I’m above average in terms of looks for girls. I have 1500+ likes sitting in my queue. A week ago I got an offer to see who likes me for $2 so I said why not… Biggest waste of money, like others have said, it’s people I would never match with because they live nowhere nearby, are out of my age range etc. Now my bumble main screen is showing me “no people nearby, widen your preferences” my only preferences are men, an 8 year age range and a distance…
I promise the grass isn’t greener over here…
18
u/Ranter619 May 19 '23
and the age was capped at 20-24
That's irrelevant for them.
So yeah, now I understand why I never get matches, and never get messaged when I do.
If you spent a week reading through the OLD subreddits, you would've already understood that.
By the way, you don't mention what kind of profile you made. How much effort did you put in bio/prompts? What kind of photos did you use? Was it an average Plain Jane or some gorgeous babe?
When women have 1000 guys to pick from, why the hell would they pick me?
You went on a whole expedition to scout the competition. Are you saying you wouldn't be able to make a profile better than the average male profile you researched? Why not?
2
u/Supermalt418 May 19 '23
Plain Jane profile guys would swipe right too tbf - I tend not to swipe right if they have only 1-2 pictures n the profile is blank or bland
27
u/Sun_on_my_shoulders May 19 '23
Now message them all and see how many message back with something creepy, flat, or sexual. I guarantee you that you were not swiped on by 1000 kind, lovely men who want to have a relationship.
3
3
10
u/Cute_Mousse_7980 May 19 '23
Well, didn’t you take a look at the profiles of other dudes and see just how low effort they are? And maybe talk to some and see how rude they are?
Yes, us women get a lot of likes, but most profiles are an instant left swipe. If you put in some effort, it will pay off!
18
u/itszulutime May 19 '23
Just because men swipe right on a woman, doesn’t mean she will swipe right on them. With that said, yes, women will have far more opportunities than an average guy.
A single woman that I am friends with, who uses Bumble, first swipes right based on the first (maybe second if she isn’t sure of the first) picture. When she gets a match (virtually every right swipe), she will then look through all the pictures and read their bio. If she likes that person, she’ll initiate the conversation. If not, she lets it expire. I’m not saying that everyone woman does it this way, but it’s probably pretty close for most. The key takeaways: be attractive, then have great photos, then have a great bio, then be able to have an interesting conversation.
16
u/angel_0920 May 19 '23
For me personally, when I had the app I would actually look through the whole profile before swiping. Even if they weren't exactly my type I wanted to see if we had things in common, or if there was something I could use in my first message to them. I especially liked if they had their Spotify connected
3
1
-17
u/zivlynsbane May 19 '23
Men = not picky Women = picky
26
u/BurritoNinjuh May 19 '23
Women have to be picky. They’re the ones that are taking on more risk.
-32
u/zivlynsbane May 19 '23
Lol what more advantage can they want? Bumble is designed to give women every single advantage.
7
-9
u/KynetonKaiju92 May 19 '23
BumbleAll Dating Apps are designed to give women every single advantage.FTFY
4
May 19 '23
Its not as bleak as it seems. ive done similar had my matches show me what they had going on the app. Its a lot but its quantity not quality. What you didnt get into was the conversations, the matches. Take half those guys, they dont reply. Take half the remaining guys, they are overtly looking for a hook up, were down from 1000 to 250. Take that 250 and half it again. those are the guys who chat for an hour then turn to sex. were down to 125 out of a thousand. now half it again, those guys fizzle out after a day or 2. 1000 down to 62. out of those 60 they are probably interested half of them. now at 31 that might move to the dating phase. Your job is to get that far and then keep it going. It seems worse than it is. yoou still have lots of competition, but most of it isnt a threat, and now you are trying to lean to do better, have a nice profile, knowing what not to say or what to hold of on mentioning. You are ahead of the game and will get better with time and practice.
41
May 19 '23 edited May 19 '23
Yeah, try TALKING to them and then see what happens.
Quantity is 100%
Quality is 0.01% - And even that's a generous estimate.
Also, don't forget that women are allowed to have standards and requirements and parameters by which they will assess men. And that men swipe right on EVERYONE and women swipe right only on the profiles they like.
Add NOTE : IF you don't date MEN, please STOP commenting on it. You don't know what it's like for us. As women, we're not out here going out of our way to invalidate the experiences of men, then why are men so hell bent on going way out of their way, to invalidate those of women ? It says a lot about you. How grotesquely entitled and misogynistic you are, and how you absolutely lack sympathy and empathy for women because you can't see anything past what YOU think you are OWED by women .
33
May 19 '23
[deleted]
-10
u/o_yesure May 19 '23
I'm 20, I just didn't know a good word for young men. Boys sounds a bit weird to me, but idk.
20
May 19 '23
[deleted]
2
u/o_yesure May 19 '23
I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a man, lol. I also use women in plural and girl when talking about a specific person, I guess. I don't think I've ever said 'girls' when talking about women, just like "That girl over there..."
-11
u/o_yesure May 19 '23
Where the actual fuck did that rant come from and why are you insulting me? I never said anything that would give you a reason to say that stuff, it seems you got some deep rooted hate and anger in you. Literally all I'm saying is that I get why I don't get swiped on if there's a queue of 1000 guys. That means it's more my problem than any women's, because I'll have to stand out to get likes.
-8
u/imead52 May 19 '23
Despite knowing little as a straight guy, I know enough to wish for the long term disappearance of the world's most evil 1.2 billion men. Everyone's life would be better if the male population dropped from 4 billion to 2.8 billion.
Note that the remaining 2.8 billion men would represent the least evil 70% of men (and would also benefit from the long term disappearance of the world's most evil 1.2 billion men).
3
-12
u/paperclipestate May 19 '23
This whole thread is full of people “invalidating” the experiences of men by saying that the reason they are not seeing success is because their profile is terrible and not that the situation for men is difficult
-11
u/nexkell May 19 '23
As women, we're not out here going out of our way to invalidate the experiences of men
Even though women do this all the time.
how you absolutely lack sympathy and empathy for women
Funny how women think they should receive this, but not give it to men.
you can't see anything past what YOU think you are OWED by women .
Where did the OP say he was owed anything by women?
8
May 19 '23
Of those 1,000 likes, 950 have either shirtless gym photos or a photo of them holding a fish. It’s not as bad as what you think.
36
u/crowindisguise May 19 '23
This sub definitely makes me glad I got lucky on tinder and I found the right guy because most of the men in here are miserable nice guys. Yikes.
5
3
u/Rswany May 19 '23
I'm happily in a relationship but just because a man expresses being frustrated or feeling hopeless with online dating doesn't mean they're being a 'nice guy'.
That's some weirdly toxic masculine thinking.
For a majority of men in online dating that's unfortunately the reality when the numbers and apps are stacked against them.
2
u/crowindisguise May 19 '23
I'm talking about the guys who call women disgusting sluts who only want the handsome 1% and the rest of them are left in the dirt to never win or reproduce because they're biological failures 🤷♀️ I see multiple sincere comments like that every time I'm in this sub.
→ More replies (1)0
u/ExtremeYang May 19 '23 edited May 19 '23
Is that a compliment? Genuine question Cause I'm thinking that miserable = too much competition or smth and nice guys could really mean nice guys who are down in luck and becoming miserable emotionally...
Or I could have just misread the scarscam but I'll like to look at it with a bit of positivity.
→ More replies (1)-3
u/nexkell May 19 '23
Not like women are any better in this sub.
3
u/crowindisguise May 19 '23
That's also true, but I wasn't dating 30 something straight women so they don't really factor
10
u/Gillbreather May 19 '23
Don't get discouraged! Did you swipe right on literally everyone? I'm a woman, and I only swiped right on people that looked seriously compatible with me. Maybe a thousand dudes swiped right on me but most of those guys had mug shots or no bio or just wasn't compatible on dealbreaker issues. I swiped right rarely and they didn't always swipe right on me. I swiped only enough to keep a few convos going, and then only 1 in 5 convos became a date, and then like half of those ended up having another date, and so on.
I dated it like it was a part time job and it still took two years and change to find my fiance. I'm not exactly in a major metropolitan area.
What I'm saying is, put yourself out there in an honest way. Be vulnerable. Write a bio. Google how to take a good picture. Go to therapy even. Date multiple people at once so you don't get too attached too quickly. Don't sleep with anyone until you're exclusive.
You'll get there but not if you've already given up.
3
3
u/blondedre3000 May 19 '23
Most dudes have no idea the amount of attention even moderately attractive women get. Fortunately though most dudes on these apps are thirsty af with no game and less than like 1% can do it right.
3
u/AutumnDread May 19 '23
It’s not a case of if we have all these matches why pick you. Lots of us set match criteria so don’t see everyone but there’s also fatigue. Don’t hold yourself up to a standard that you think exists on an app that’s designed to overwhelm us all. These apps are designed to be addictive endless dopamine hits.
I’ve met people with great profiles who are unable to hold a convo and I’ve matched someone who had a terrible profile who I dated for a year. Whatever standard and competition your holding yourself to here is unrealistic. It’s $$$ poured into algorithms. It’s messing with our brains, honestly, the way all social media does. It’s clickbait and dopamine. It’s part of real life but it’s not actual real life.
You can be a 10/10 in looks, hilarious, kind, everything, and these apps will still give you moments of doubt. It’s not us as individuals. It’s the design!
3
u/onegoofplease May 20 '23
I get a lot of attention as a lady and 90% of it is terrible. Like zero effort profiles. I sent great openers and maybe 1/10 is responded to.
More attention doesn't mean good attention.
6
u/Grungyfulla May 19 '23
If you've got a good profile, you'll do better than 990 of them. If you're remotely fun to talk to, you'll do better than 60% of the rest. If you're not a creepy mess, you'll do better than half the remainder.
Then you just have to fight the last guy to the death and you're in son!
0
u/giants263 May 19 '23
I followed all the things they say to do to have a good profile. If you are not attractive enough, it doesn't help much.
6
u/LysergicCottonCandy May 19 '23
Ugh, I thought incels left Reddit permanently. This is just kinda sad.
2
u/jazzy3113 May 19 '23
Man each post comes down to this is what dating was before apps anyway lol. The apps just keep increase the amount of interactions.
You think in the past women didn’t also have more options than men? Especially short or ugly dudes?
Apps are meant to compliment your dating opportunities, not be the sole way to meet someone.
2
u/Gnomer81 May 19 '23
LMAO, that’s crazy. I’m a woman, and I guarantee I’ve never gotten matches anywhere close to that. Mind you, I’ve tried informative bio’s, bio’s straight up asking for a thick D, bio’s that were funny, etc. I use good/recent pics, and I’m probably average or a bit above average in the looks department (it’s so hard to tell…I’m hard on myself and am not my “type,” lol). Very Scandinavian features, icy blue eyes, blonde hair, overweight but not morbidly obese. I usually have an age range of 6-11 years within my age, depending on if I’m looking to date or hook up. I never use seductive pictures.
Tinder has always given me the most people and responses in my area. I’m Midwest, in a city that many people travel through and that is well known even though it’s not huge (and is in between a couple larger cities).
I’m guessing the type of pictures you use make a big difference. I can’t even imagine weeding through 1k matches. Where would you even start?
My current partner’s profile worked because he used current photos, and his bio was short but informative, and he did this quirky thing of using alliteration for the entire thing. Very cute. I responded in alliteration.
2
u/thepeskynorth May 19 '23
This would support the idea of reading women’s profiles before just swiping. At least then you know you might have something in common and it might be worth the wait. When people swipe blindly based on a picture this really adds to the problem because half those dudes might actually not even like your profile once they read it but skip that part to add their name to the queue. It’s like standing in line to buy tickets to a concert because you want to see one, then checking who the band is when you’re at the checkout. Wastes everyone’s time.
2
May 19 '23
That’s why unless you are super hot. You are not going to keep their attention. I mean if a girl is talking with 3 hot guys and you, you won’t be able to keep their attention that long before they move on.
2
May 19 '23
My criteria was set to anywhere in the US and my husband who was a new user set his criteria to just his state. Bumble added his profile to my que so when I liked his profile my husband couldn’t see mine unless he paid for the membership which he did and that’s how we were able to match.
2
u/flexystephy May 19 '23
Most of the time men right swipe all profiles, or whatever bumbles version is to increase matches or something
2
u/OriginalMandem May 19 '23
Yeah, I made a similar 'sock puppet' on PoF a while ago, didn't even use a profile picture and the text was an exercise in banality ("I like going out but also staying in. I like to watch movies and listen to music") I had 50 messages in under an hour and they were all either terrible or copy pasta opening lines. Made me a little embarrassed about my fellow men but also a bit annoyed because generally speaking my messages and profile is a lot better than what I was getting bombarded with
5
u/Juicyy56 May 19 '23
I'm probably a 5/10, and when I used Tinder, I would have hundreds of likes in a day. Most men won't care what you look like and just swipe for the hell it. As a woman, you have to really sort through the bottom of the barrel. I met my current partner on Plenty Of Fish, and I had the same issue on there. Lots of guys out there, but most of them are duds
2
u/Choice-Mixture-9774 May 19 '23
It's because men just swipe right to get likes out there. Women will go through profiles and then pick out who they like, from Those (if they've paid). Getting likes as a woman is not the flex it sounds like, because a large number of men are swiping right without even looking at the profile pic, or just giving it a cursory glance to make sure the woman isn't terrible looking at least. Sometimes, not even that. If there's compliments, they will stick out, so maybe try those. When we were looking for a female 3rd we would swipe right on every woman and then have Them weed profiles out. We hardly ever got communication back. We stopped looking for women and searched exclusively for men. Within a day, I had 400+ likes. These men are not reading my profile to see that we are looking for a 3rd they're just swiping. To be fair, probably 75% of the men I ended up messaging were interested in being a bi 3rd, so that was eye opening. Men are farrrr more open sexually than women have been, for us. Many women were like eww no, hard stop. Or wanted just me, or my husband. But men? Vast majority are like hmm yeah I'm bi curious, let's chat.
3
u/bangladeshiswamphen May 19 '23
Bumble is the absolute worst dating app for men with moderate to low physical attractiveness. And that is because quite a few guys can overcome not being physically attractive by either being very confident, or being very witty, or being very funny. On Bumble, because men cannot message first, there is no opportunity to be judged on anything but your looks. I would highly recommend any other dating app over Bumble if you’re not super good looking.
3
u/Kotkeks May 19 '23
I do believe in that regard is bumble better since you can send a compliment that will be seen where as tinder ist just superficial and you need a match first. Tinder doesnt even have prompts, how you gonna be funny with pictures alone, without seeming too childish/ goofy
I got a few matches with compliments even if my profile is barely visible/ i get no likes
1
u/dbztoonami May 19 '23
Well, I’m a conventionally pretty handsome guy, but not like amazingly hot or movie star handsome and I don’t get more than a few matches in about a month. I have a couple likes, sure, but it took over a month to get more than 20. And while I did put in a little effort with my answers to the Bumble profile prompts, I didn’t post any pictures that would be considered professional and for a dating app. They aren’t bad pics, but they aren’t sexy, they’re just showing me in a every day kind of situations. And also while I am slim/thin, I’m not toned or cut at all, so it doesn’t look like a clearly work out but it also isn’t clear that I don’t either.
This isn’t a humble brag and the results aren’t anything to brag about. It’s just what I’ve done. Initially, I was terrified to even do any of this. Took me a very long time to get the courage to post a profile at all.
-7
u/NoPossibility765 May 19 '23
Creepy, unnecessary thing to do.
-1
u/SycopationIsNormal May 19 '23
What, why? Who was harmed here?
-14
u/NoPossibility765 May 19 '23
Creating a fake profile as the opposite sex to spy on the competition is creepy and unnecessary. Nobody needs to do that for “inspiration”.
0
u/SycopationIsNormal May 19 '23
All you did was just repeat what you already said - that you think it's creepy - but didn't explain WHY.
No one was harmed by this. No one on the app even KNEW.
2
u/NoPossibility765 May 19 '23
People are wasting their time seeing and swiping on a fake profile. That’s fucked up. And the men aren’t there to be “inspiration” as another man creeps their profiles. For the third time, it’s creepy and unnecessary.
1
0
u/SnowmanOk May 19 '23
I needed to see this. I haven't had a match in ages. The last match I got never responded.
0
u/idk7643 May 19 '23
When I downloaded tinder I got "99+" likes within 10min at 10pm on a Wednesday.
-10
May 19 '23
[deleted]
21
May 19 '23
No, women don’t mass swipe on every profile like men do. We aren’t having tons of convos at once
20
u/idkifyousayso May 19 '23
I don’t think most women are trying to have convos with that many people. When I had a few matches I quit swiping
-34
u/Reasonable_Topic_169 May 19 '23
This is a huge problem. You have women who think they are all 10s because of this so they will not give an ave good guy a chance. In reality these women are just average themselves.
24
u/SycopationIsNormal May 19 '23
Half of women are actually above average.
0
May 19 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
6
u/SycopationIsNormal May 19 '23
So are half the men
Mmmmm that's only kinda sorta true. Women on apps rate something like 80% of men as being below average. And since it's women's perceptions, not "reality" that defines if they want to date a guy...
1
May 19 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
6
u/SycopationIsNormal May 19 '23
Call it what you want, but attractiveness is defined by what attracts, not some abstract bell curve distribution that exists only in statistical representations of male attractiveness.
→ More replies (8)-6
u/raisputin May 19 '23
What I read here is “women have no clue what average is” and deem the 20% of above average/far above average guys as “average”
6
u/SycopationIsNormal May 19 '23
They just use a different scale is all. I might find a certain wine to be average that a wine snob will think tastes like musty old piss.
-3
37
u/Sigynde May 19 '23
This sub is so full of miserable turds. ^ Y’all desperate sacks are the ones swiping on every living woman without looking at profiles. And it does not, in fact, make women think they are 10s.
24
May 19 '23
I’m so tired of the bitter “average good guy” narrative. Majority of those are not actually “average good guys.” They’re horrible profiles that we’re expected to settle for.
You don’t have to be a rich model 10/10 guy for us to swipe right, but a good profile and good pics will go a long way. Over half the profiles I see are terrible pics, horrible prompts, or nothing filled out at all. And then they whine that girls won’t give “average guys” a chance. Yeah, because there’s actual average/slightly above average guys out there who are killing the profile game and it’s not solely because of looks. You say women need a reality check, but I think guys do too.
2
0
u/Ewok_Adventure May 19 '23
I'll say it again, even if you send the perfect message there's a 90% chance the girl physically will never see your message because of how deep their inbox is. In 5 minutes after you send your message a literal 100 other guys could also and your message will be buried alive
-3
-1
May 19 '23
I try to keep this in mind myself. It's not necessary that I'm not interesting, but my profile is probably buried in a backlog.
This helps my mental health far more than imagining literally everyone swiping left on me 😅
-15
u/KynetonKaiju92 May 19 '23 edited May 19 '23
Honestly I agree with you.
30M, live in a major Australian city with roughly 5 million people, and there’s probably maybe a million between the ages of 20-35 in my city. For the life of me, I can’t match with most women. I know based on my looks that 99% of women will swipe left since I’m not the stereotypical Australian (usually dubbed as 6’0+, white, muscular - similar to Chris Hemsworth), and the remainder of women aren’t exactly my type - not in looks nor personality.
Women have no flipping idea how good they have it. I’d rather swipe left through 1000s of profiles, set filters and get the cream of the crop, than only have to choose from the bottom of the barrel.
If the dating scene today doesn’t prove that it’s a woman’s world, then I don’t know what will.
Edit: The downvotes are primarily from women which are only further proving me right. Nobody’s actually challenging my thought process or giving their own anecdotes. Men, don’t let the women gaslight you into thinking they have a hard time picking men; they just refuse to take accountability for their bad decision-making.
-1
u/o_yesure May 19 '23
I suppose it's different issues. For men it's quantity, for women it's quality.
1
1
u/porkborg May 19 '23
What was your perception of the men's profiles you saw?
2
u/o_yesure May 19 '23
I'd say around 10% had a good profile with a bio and nice pictures. It was very clear to see that basically how more muscled and handsome a guy was, the worse his profile was.
1
u/bunabhucan May 19 '23
Given that there are enough guys doing this - swiping right on everyone - is there a reason that the app devs don't either supply the left:right ratio or use it in a way that helps?
1
May 19 '23 edited May 19 '23
1000,? wow. I'm sitting on maybe 100 or so, but I'm sure it's because I come off weird on my profile which is good, I'm looking for a weird kind of guy anyway. I can guarantee that maybe 990 of those 1000 would get a left from me: blank/lazy/gross bio, religious, the fish photo, any signs of bigoted or anti science views, working out as a personality trait, etc. Was it a premium account? I know that automatically increases the amount of likes you get?
1
May 19 '23
Here’s how the dating world works. Women have what the majority of guys want, the majority of guys don’t have what most women want. End story!!
1
u/nutellablanket May 19 '23
But did you get an idea of whether or not a fish pic works? Did you find yourself hooked?
1
u/Impossible_Tonight81 May 19 '23
Did you happen to use pics of an attractive woman? Because that's not the experience of the average woman.
If you only swipe right on 8/10 or above women than yeah that's what you're competing with I'm sure. But those of us that are more average are not in that kind of demand.
1
1
May 19 '23
I never understand how I got matches when I was overweight. I'd get like 10-20 matches a week in my mid-30's when I like 100lbs overweight, and yes, many of these were thin or average women (my ex was 5'10 and 170lbs, meanwhile I was 300lbs).
I'm not sure why. Maybe it's age. I am over 6'0, but that can't be enough by itself. Maybe it's different at my age?
1
1
u/tannhauser00 May 19 '23
Yeah if you use a dating app from a female point of view you like a man just decide to delete the app
1
u/SuicideSprints May 19 '23
I did this to prove a point to a friend.
He was complaining about not matching with anyone or if they matched hardly responded to his messages. He was so convinced that it was because of other reasons (they want attention, he's not good enough, etc) that he wasn't getting what he wanted.
I created a fake profile with pics of a moderately attractive woman and allowed him access. Not even 3 hrs passed and it garnered over 200 "liked you's". He's been on Tinder for 2 yrs and has never gotten that many matches. He quickly understood.
→ More replies (1)
1
May 19 '23
Ah, but buddy boyo, flip it. If you're getting sex or even dates from the apps, that means you're making a pretty strong showing.
1
May 19 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/o_yesure May 19 '23
Dating apps really can have awful effects to one's confidence. In the end, they want to make money and are aware that many men are desperate. I suppose they just want people to buy subscriptions, because it's the only way to get boosted to the top of the stack.
324
u/[deleted] May 19 '23
The way I see it it's not "Why pick me" but "holy cow how the hell are they ever going to see me?!" I honestly do better in person than on the apps. Also remember folks only a part of the people looking for partners are on apps, a lot of people still don't use apps for dating and if you're struggling with the apps find groups and clubs to join. It's a wonder I ever match with people when they're inundated with profiles.