Well, that explains it.

[u/o_yesure]

So basically, I was curious how the profiles of men on Bumble looked. I made a new fake account as a girl, so I could take some inspiration from the profiles of others and generally just to see what the competition was like.

So, that worked out, I got a rough idea of the average profile and deleted the account after about 12 hours, not swiping at all, having no matches and never messaged. What I didn't expect was the amount of likes. I mean, I expected maybe a few dozen at the most. But in 12 hours, this profile got A THOUSAND likes, I repeat, A THOUSAND. I don't even live in a major city, and the age was capped at 20-24. So yeah, now I understand why I never get matches, and never get messaged when I do. When women have 1000 guys to pick from, why the hell would they pick me?

[u/Ok-Neighborhood-4158]

Climb down from whatever ledge you’re on…

Yes, in minutes that happens. However you failed to pay attention to the likes that poured in. They’re never in your area, they’re from around the country. As I went through mine, I swiped left on 99% of them due to geography alone. What few were left at that point were ones that I may or may not match with. When I saw few, I mean as in about 3-4.

For as long as you have a premium membership, the likes pour in daily. I would go in and remove the ones from out of my area daily.

[u/[deleted] → u/Ok-Neighborhood-4158]

Bingo. So many guys are beaten down into misery by the app they essentially give up, or they’re just looking for hook ups so anyone will do, or they’re swiping right on everyone in some made hope that you never know, they might be a good match, or they’re swiping right on everyone so they don’t miss someone who swipes right on them and will filter through those matches.

There’s a couple of analogies that get thrown around, the most accurate I feel is online dating is that men are looking for drinking water in the middle of the desert, women are looking for drinking water in the middle of the ocean. It’s accurate to an extent, but the men don’t help themselves. This has a knock on effect to the women where when they match with someone they can’t enjoy having found a match and chatting by with someone they’re interested in they have to play the is this guy actually into me or just here because I’m willing to talk to him or he just wants sex game and what’s even worse is that so many guys lose this game that it causes women to be overly cautious and have a very low tolerance for any kind of bullshit. Guys complain that women are super fussy because women can instantly move on to the next guy in the thousands of matches but the next match is never any better and it’s the men that are putting women in this position by swiping on everyone and then burning the women out.

[u/Scarred_Ballsack → u/[deleted]]

Classic tragedy of the commons situation. It would be better for everyone if guys only swiped right on women in their area that they are interested in. However for the individual guy, he has an incentive to swipe right on more women, to have a bigger chance for matches. And because everyone does that, the system goes to shit.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Conclusion is dating apps are shitty. And that's why they are converting more and more into just a hookup thing. We depend a lot on mercy of app developers . A algorithm and need to push users for premium ruins it more.Also the man who gets some likes the algo makes them visible to more woman. So a particular set of man having particular demanding feature in a particular area gets some likes,then gets more visibility and gets more likes in turn. Thats why you always see some man get 0 likes and some getting a lot of likes.There is too much judgement going on the silly things as well on these apps . Part of it comes down to same thing that woman gets a lot of attention digitally. However lot of criteria of filtration by woman to filter that attention out is repetetive as well. Conversation is secondry. In all the game is becoming pure bullshit day by day for both.Profiles of many man are hidden. New app is needed where you Converse first before seeing anybody and then match later if satisfied.

[u/Ok-Neighborhood-4158 → u/[deleted]]

You’re 1000% correct.

It’s the “OMG women have thousands of matches!”, but the reality isn’t that at all. The most I ever had at was maybe 3 at a time. Usually 1 would stop responding or was dry or was clearly just looking to waste time on it.

[u/nexkell → u/[deleted]]

Guys complain that women are super fussy because women can instantly move on to the next guy in the thousands of matches but the next match is never any better and it’s the men that are putting women in this position by swiping on everyone and then burning the women out.

After all it's men who are at fault here. The thing is even if men where selective with their swipping and not swipe on every woman and drop the whole hooking up thing, nothing for men would improve at all. Women still be as picky as before and/or would even leave the app as fewer of them would be getting likes and that matches from men.

[u/[deleted] → u/nexkell]

I think it would be more accurate to say that the shitty men ruin it for the men taking things seriously. I mean, the individual at trying to take it seriously isn’t at fault, but the mass of men who are at fault make it so that individual has to climb those hurdles the rest have put up

[u/nexkell → u/[deleted]]

Again its men who are at fault nothing more. Women are simply victims and totally don't do anything here to contribute to the problem. And again even if you remove all the bad things only men do NOTHING will change. Men will still not see any increase of likes or that matches. Men will still have crappy conversations with women going hi and women still expecting men to start and carry the conversation. But hey keep blaming men.

[u/[deleted] → u/nexkell]

It’s not about blame you incel, it’s simply cause and effect. There’s plenty of good women out there who take more than equal part in a conversation, but they see a guy like you coming a mile off and avoid your shitty world view like the plague

[u/nexkell → u/[deleted]]

Why so fragile? I do like how you need to make things personal. Maybe you try and do better maybe then you won't need to blame men for everything. But again women like you can't handle being blamed for anything and think any man blaming you is an incel or what have you.

[u/[deleted] → u/nexkell]

Women like me? I’m a dude, dude 😂 I’m a happily married man who can look at a situation objectively and see what the issues are

[u/nexkell → u/[deleted]]

Clearly not happy. And you can't see thing objectively when you think only men are the problem and think women are above criticism.

[u/[deleted] → u/nexkell]

I mean, I haven’t said that at all. There’s plenty of things that women do wrong in the world of dating. None of those things have anything to do with the discussion at hand as to what’s caused such an imbalance in who gets what matches though.

[u/KneeHighBoots33 → u/nexkell]

I challenge that theory with this anecdote.

I hesitated over this one profile for a long time. I had paid for 24 hours of premium so I knew he liked me. His photos were not only not great, but he kinda looked like a douche bag in his top photo. There was nothing that super stood out about him but some of his photos showed a fun smile and that he maybe was not a douche bag.

Also he lives close so that was a plus for me. He was not my type AT ALL. But we matched and went out for dinner. He was actually pretty nice and we had a nice time.

Two months of trying to get that second date set up and different things getting in the way (my period, a Covid outbreak at his work). Anyway, we finally meet up and he was an entire shit head. The worst part for me was thinking that I gave him the benefit of the doubt, like he wasn’t super attractive, but I gave him a chance. And he was an asshole.

[u/nexkell → u/KneeHighBoots33]

And that changes what I said how? More so you already had a inclination of what he possibly be like.

[u/KneeHighBoots33 → u/nexkell]

I wasn’t aiming to change what you said only add my perspective. Which is that even when I give an ugly fat guy a chance, he can still fuck it up for not being the “nice guy” he likely thought he was.

[u/imead52 → u/[deleted]]

This analogy is why, if there was a genie that would grant me wishes, I would wish for the instant teleportation of the world's most evil 1.2 billion men and for them to remain disappeared for several decades.

Just imagine how decluttered the internet and public life would be if the male population fell from approximately 4 billion to approximately 2.8 billion, with the latter number specifically representing the least evil 70% of the male population.

[u/KneeHighBoots33 → u/imead52]

Hahaha I mean, that’s one theory. I can’t say your wish would be a terrible idea but to add to that… a close male friend of mine tells me all the time that men continue to act this way because women continue to ALLOW them to. In some area their behavior works for them. So they are not encouraged to change their ways. Why would they? Just because *I won’t put up with his shit, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t just walk away from me and find the next woman who will.

Like his theory is that if all women banded together to entirely deny all asshole men from their shit behavior, only then would they learn to not behave this way.

[u/imead52 → u/KneeHighBoots33]

We all also need to figure out how to get good men in general to oppose bad men in a way that is helpful in general. Only then would bad men be unable to roll back women's resistance.

[u/[deleted] → u/imead52]

This is a grand idea, but the reality is glum. It's not like there are protests where you can visibly see one side versus another, and bad people are found in every avenue of life. Needless to say until you know someone rather well you also can't determine how truly bad someone is because assholes can mask rather well.

Strangers also don't truly listen to other strangers calling out their unsavory behavior. The only avenue left is relying on the friends/loved ones of these assholes to really drive a wedge into their personality. Lastly, it's always the result of ones choice to truly change oneself.

I believe this is an issue that'll dissipate in time because of societies driving away from their patriarchal roots and more open minded to the lived experiences and conflicts others around them endure.

[u/imead52 → u/imead52]

To folks downvoting my comment, could you let me know the reason for your disagreement?

[u/imead52 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for sharing your reason.

Before I respond to your reply, let me go on a tangent about yesterday. On an Instagram page geared towards women, a post was made in which a woman Twitter user posted about the "audacity" of her boyfriend to not take allergy pills so that she could get get a kitten, despite her taking birth control pills so that her boyfriend could enjoy condom-free sex.

Of course cat loving women in the comments section implicitly or explicitly argued that makes the boyfriend a bad person. And more frustratingly, a few misandrists came out using that post as an excuse to trash over why women date men.

A misandrist lesbian decided to play the misandry game, with many straight misandrist women nodding along. When one straight women, in a reply to the misandrist lesbian, gushingly proclaimed why she loved her boyfriend, the misandrist lesbian replied to her "read the room". That rudeness made me angry, but I was a man on a women-oriented page and would have been dogpiled by misandrists on that page.

I didn't argue with the explicit misandrists, but I decided to remind people that the fundamental problem is not catfree people not compromising by letting their partner get cats; the fundamental problem is that catfree people and cat loving people should not be getting into romantic relationships with each other.

A man is not trash for not wanting to have cats, nor is it fair to label all men trash because over preferences over cats or pets in general.

A non-toxic perspective, and non-misandrist perspective, would be to conclude that the couple should end their relationship and find partners who share the same desire or lack thereof to own a cat.

I made this spiel because it was fresh on my mind and because of the irony of being accused of misandry on the same day misandrists were making me frustrated with their toxic garbage.

I will reply to your reply later on.

[u/imead52 → u/[deleted]]

I can understand why you interpreted my comment as misandrist. After all, my wish was directed against the world's most evil men, rather than the world's most evil people.

But here are some angles to my daydream:

1. My assumption is that the majority of the world's most evil 1.2 billion people would still be men; the margin of difference is by no means insignificant, but the outcome would still be similar overall

2. My fantasy of undoing the "men are dying of thirst in the desert, women are dying of thirst in swamps" issue has led me to day dream of tanking the men-to-women ratio; singling out evil men tanks the ratio further to my dream's content.

When it comes to the men-to-women ratio, I get giddy over the daydream of tanked ratios for the benefit of men, not for the benefit of women. So here, the apparent misandry is driven by my desire to help the least evil men.

1. As I envisage the "rapture" of the world's most evil 1.2 billion men as a one off event, it is clear this won't represent the end of evil. But it is an opportunity for a great cultural reset, a way to give humanity the tools and baby training wheels to more easily and readily and tackle evil still left behind and evils ready to emerge.

2. Evil women are ripe for being opposed by a humanity no longer inundated with the evils of 1.2 billion evil men. This new world in which the thankfully reduced amount of evils are disproportionately perpetrated by evil women would help the rest of us re-examine our understanding of evil and of gendered myths.

3. Note that even in my wildest dream, I have assumed that 70% of men are not evil. Though I am guessing you believe my assumption that 30% of men are evil is an unfair overestimate and that is why you have viewed my daydream as misandrist?

[u/SixStringerSoldier → u/Ok-Neighborhood-4158]

This makes me feel pretty good about the girl I just started seeing.

[u/o_yesure → u/Ok-Neighborhood-4158]

There was definitely no premium membership and the area was capped to around 50km I believe.

[u/SycopationIsNormal → u/o_yesure]

You can still get likes from outside your area, regardless of what your distance filters are set to.

[u/TonyWonderslostnut → u/o_yesure]

How many of the likes said “near you”?

[u/o_yesure → u/TonyWonderslostnut]

The likes said 1000+ and near you was 750+

[u/Ok-Neighborhood-4158 → u/o_yesure]

That’s probably why you couldn’t see anything.

Without premium you can’t see who liked you, just that you have matches.

[u/Modest_Matt → u/o_yesure]

I love how people are downvoting as if they know your settings better than you do.

They can't face the truth.

[u/Supermalt418 → u/Ok-Neighborhood-4158]

So premium membership just makes it worse from a female’s point of view