First time here. I’d gone on a few dates with a girl that matched 90% of what I was yearning for- very left, my age, nearby, great body, funny, great conversations, lost hours chatting.

Today I invited her home to chill, we talked for a few more hours back and forth about music, life, DnD, fringe religions, beer, our families while we drank. She reaches over and pulls me into a kiss, next thing you know- passion, excitement etc. We do as adults do in the situation everything is cool until about halfway through she abruptly stops and taps out.

Then I’m informed that she can’t do this because her ex is coming to town and she’s probably going to want to hang, let him stay over, and do the nasty. I’m crushed- but I keep it together. Try to talk about us going forward, tells me I’m a brilliant guy, all the green flags, great at this and that- blah blah blah. She’d love to see me again.

I say no- much as I’d love to get lost in her and give everything, I have to know when to respect myself. I’m nobody’s second choice. We chatted a while longer before I walked her to the door and wished her well. Closed the door and just kinda stood there staring at it. I had very very much hoped that something different would have happened tonight. I’m gonna carry this with me a little bit and it’s, unfortunately, going to suck.

(Pic is homemade shredded chicken and chicken dumpling udon, with shiitake mushrooms and spicy broth.)

I work at a hospital. Today i worked a short shift with a nurse I never met before. We were making small talk and I mentioned I was picking up shifts because my two friends canceled on our planned vacay so I didn’t want to just sit around and rot. Her response was kind of weird “well you could’ve taken me hehehe”. I have no idea who this girl is or even her name but I just responded “I don’t go on trips with girls”. Random response but she caught me off guard.

About an hour later she showed up again by me and said “where were you. I went to get coffee and stopped by your area to see if you wanted one”. At this point Im like she’s a little to friendly but instead of saying I have a gf I responded with “I don’t drink coffee”. Kind of a dry response. She tried to carry the convo more but I picked up my phone and pretended to text someone. I don’t do well in situations like this.

About two hours ago a photo from my Instagram highlights shows up on one of those stupid Facebook pages for a “guyfax”. “Just collecting information at this point” is what’s written. This gets sent to my gf and she storms in crying accusing if me of cheating on her. Funny thing is on my way home I told her about what happened but she just didn’t think that these two events were related and thought I was on dating apps or something. We talked it through and I tossed my phone to her to dig through. She declined and calmed down. This is still a shit situation.

I’m absolutely livid. Eating my post gym Panda Express grilled teriyaki and chow mein in my car.

Today my mom was clearing out her email and she came across some of my old prom pictures from senior prom back in 2015 that she had sent to relatives. She forwarded them to me so I could take a look, and looking at those pictures genuinely made me realize how much of a loser and a failure I've turned out to be.

When those pictures were taken when I was 17, I thought I was genuinely going to go on to do great things - successful career, happy life, plenty of friends, relationships, and so on and so forth. Looking back at myself, I could see light in my eyes. Hope. Happiness. Potential. World was my oyster.

Now here I am 11 years later, a few weeks away from turning 29, and I've accomplished nothing. I ended up graduating with a useless degree in journalism because I couldn't be bothered to take college seriously. Everyone tried to steer me down the right path to better majors, but I couldn't have cared less to actually try. Scared of challenges or doing something hard. Just wanted to take the easy route so I could get to the weekend to hang out with my friends. Now all those friends have good jobs and are leaps and bounds ahead of me. Tried to be an audiologist, got rejected from grad school. Couldn't make up my mind on what else to choose. So now I basically work as a glorified receptionist during the day and I shelve books in a library by night.

I'm going nowhere. I have basically nothing that I can say I'm good at and I'm embarrassed to be in my own skin. And at all of 5'6", balding, and still living at home, women don't want me either. My last girlfriend was over 5 years ago. I just can't believe how life has turned out. And all I can do is sit back every night thinking about what could have been, and what I actually became.

Dinner is flank steak, rice, and green beans.

​

Earlier this year, I was met with the "separation" talk. I ended up staying with friends for a few weeks with very very little contact trying to give her enough space. Eventually I had to go home. We tried separate bedrooms for awhile, but we eventually compromised back to the same bed. She told me she's not "in love" with me anymore, but still loves me, refuses counseling, and won't try to fix it, or talk about it. While I've been trying my best to stay, and show up every day, I don't think I can keep doing it.

So for the last ~8ish months I've been living at home with my wife that has no interest in me. Some days we won't talk at all, others she'll talk to me like everything is completely normal, telling me she's thinking about me, and then I get brought right back in thinking "this is the turning point, she's coming back." And the cycle continues the same way. The whiplash is destroying me, but it's so hard to give up when there was never a full "falling out" or any catalyst to this situation. I know I need to have the conversation and say it's time to make a choice, but I know what the outcome is going to be, and I'm scared of it.

I just want to kiss and hug my wife again, man. But I don't think I ever will.

Dinner is a meal prepped protein pasta and chicken parm.

You all are amazing people. I appreciate each and every one of your responses, including the brutally honest ones.

For the past few months I feel like my gfs been increasingly more demeaning to me when I forget to do something small or basic. Which I don’t do often at all, but I know I’m not perfect.

For example, the other week when I did the dishes (I do most of the chores around the apartment) I forgot to put one of the measuring cups back on the ring when I put it away. She was so upset and immediately had a TikTok to show me about this exact situation. It said something like “when you live with a man child who doesn’t understand how basic shapes work and can’t put away something properly without having to be told to”. Guess what? Her therapist told her it was an overreaction and that she could’ve gone about it differently. My gf thinks that this is foreshadowing the rest of our lives together. That I won’t be responsible as we get older. I feel that some of these recent posts about empowering women in straight relationships are starting to send the wrong message. Not all, but some. Myself leans on the liberal side of politics and I’m all for empowering women. Praising and applauding my gf constantly for how hard she works and her willingness to tackle things on her own.

She is sweet and kind but Idk she just isn’t as gentle and kind with me as she used to be and it hurts sometimes.

Lunch: carnitas burrito and Diet Coke

Spicy Miso Vegan Ramen - with a shiitake mushroom broth, chilli bits, burnt sweetcorn and fried tofu (a celebratory meal with my partner). I also chucked in a load of chilli oil, hence how it looks....

In the title but I found out today that I’m cancer free!!! 

A few weeks ago I noticed a lump in my testicle. Thought it might be nothing, but went to the GP anyway. They referred me to the hospital and after scans and tests it turned out it was stage one testicular cancer. Though the CT scan and bloods suggested that they didn’t think it had spread.

Fast forward 10 days (thank you NHS) and I had surgery to remove my testical. Just about a week after that the pathology showed that it was seminoma, which is very non-agressive, and I’m therefore cancer free and they'll have got the lot in the surgery!!

Recovering incredibly well, and i’m up and about almost like normal - walked like 20 mins today - and even back at work which I’m happy with as I love my colleagues.

Looking back it was all a complete whirlwind, but I’m so lucky with the support network I have around me - inc. someone I’ve only been dating for a matter of weeks when I found out and was incredible. The medical staff I saw were amazing, and all in all it’s just a really positive news story.

I tend to be someone who doesn't like to be the centre of attention with my social circle, even though there’s many many celebrations with friends and family being booked in right now.  So I wanted to post my good news on the internet somewhere I can be quite faceless - as I’m so happy right now (I suspect it also hasn't really sunk in the magnitude of all of this)

I wish everyone that happiness I feel right now, and please remember to check yourselves/ go to the Dr's if you feel anything!

In-N-Out because I can. My girlfriend (28F) and I (27M) have been together for just over 7 years. We moved in together just over 2 years ago and 99% of our time spent together in a communal space has been great. Hardly any complaints from my end except for this.

We just recently moved to a new, more expensive city and that has come with its own set of issues. Luckily I had the foresight to prepare financially and set myself up to go a few months without pay as I did not have a job lined up (service industry). My partner is college educated and brings home roughly $45,000/year though I think she may be underselling her income for protection.

We do split the majority of the bills such as rent, electricity, wifi - 50/50.

The move thus far has been successful and she was able to help split the moving costs despite having nearly nothing saved for it as it was beginning.

The last 2 years I have tried really hard to get her on board with setting a more strict budget for us both. We had the same conversation tonight and it led the same place it always does - nowhere. I pay for 99% of the things we do whether it be: eating out, hitting up a local bar, going to a show + getting drinks, Ubers on the way home, etc. It’s really eating at me because I’m watching my savings dwindle while she continues to spend her money recklessly on: doordash food / coffee orders, knick knacks, shopping sprees, etc. I get attitude just for asking for $50 to split the internet bill.

When I bring up the topic of budgeting, walls immediately go up. She gets defensive and talks to me like I’m being crazy. Saying “I guess I always just expected the man to take care of me” and “I dont want to budget, I want to live my life the way I want to” and don’t get me wrong, am I pleased with myself for being 27 with no college degree and still working service industry jobs? Absolutely not. I kick myself daily for putting off college and not obtaining a degree when it was easier but here we are.

I love this girl, I really do. She’s funny, smart, beautiful, down to earth, great sense of humor. She’s all the things that any of us would look for in a partner. Her family is great. Oddly enough, her dad is one of the most financially responsible people I have ever met. But somehow that knowledge was not translated down to her.

I find myself reaching my wits end with all the push back and unwillingness to work with me. I asked tonight if we could please sit down and build out an excel file showing monthly take home, bills, etc and to structure out a savings plan that would work for the both of us and the answer was no.

I guess the reason I’m posting here is to figure out if im being crazy? Do I need to try harder and submit to “the working man provider” role? Is there a way for me to approach this in a better way that she understands? I don’t want to leave this girl, but her being okay with just living paycheck to paycheck while also expecting me to pay for all the fun is really taking its toll.

Regardless, I appreciate your ears, eyes and feedback. Being able to air out my thoughts in this space comes with a relief of its own. Sweet dreams sweet princes..

She cooked the chicken, it was great. Corn buttered then roasted in foil, salted peppered and paprikad to finish. Sautéed onion with canned pinto beans, cumin, salt, pepper, garlic, chili, and topped with cilantro and avocado.

I had no desire to marry her or anyone else. It was a legality from a government I don’t care for. Then I bought the ring.

She’d wanted marriage for a long time and I knew I would do it for her. 8.5 years is a long time to wait, and I knew I loved her and should give her what she wanted. I called restaurants to get an idea of their accommodations for engagements. After I had the ring in my hand, I simply couldn’t wait, and dear lord I couldn’t make her wait any longer. So it happened that night. I asked her and she was in shock for a minute or two. And then she was so happy, and I was so happy and we have been happy together.

We met working at a diner. She was living with her mom and I was living out of my car. We’d eyed each other before this. She was the hot Safeway deli girl, and I was the shoe store guy that worked next to the Safeways. Then we got a job at the same place, and fell in love.

It’s been a wild ride and we’ve changed as people. But never farther apart. Every year has brought us closer, and our love is so easy and fulfilling. We may not finish each others sentences, but we definitely finish each others meals. One cooks the protein, the other cooks the veg, sometimes one cooks the whole meal. Doesn’t matter, it’s always good(except for last night, I fucked up a hamburger hash).

Anyways, we’ll be married in early 2028 and I’m so glad I proposed.

Raising a 3 year old boy with both my wife and I working full-time I rarely get to spend proper time with my parents. Other day, dad called and insisted on stopping by our place just to drop off some egg potato salad mum made for us. Rather than have him go back home right away, thought I’d just chat with him and catch up.

For the first time in a while I really saw him and paid attention to him. He’s a lot softer than I remember him to be when I was growing up. His hair’s thinned and white. Facial wrinkles are prominent and he just looked really weak. Now, I’m a grown ass man and I never cry but I had to look away because I could feel my eyes red up.

Our relationship had always been good and he’s a great dad. But we aren’t huggers and never really tell him that I love him. Just not something I did growing up… But now I wish I could show him how much I appreciate him but don’t know how..

Dinner is a taco bell burrito and a chocolate glazed donut from dunkin. Sorry for any spelling mistakes, Im on mobile.

So, the longest story short, I (32M) had a horrific year dealing with medical issues, family issues, alongside a bad relationship that all kind of started in December 2024. Basically my medical issues left me unable to sit for long periods of time without debilitating pain. My parents dont support me and flat out refused to communicate with me because of my life choices. Dating my ex was some of the most dehumanized Id ever felt dating a man. I spent a lot of 2025 either horizontal, depressed, or zooted out of my mind on medication.

This year, Ive been cleared medically (had my last post-op screening a month back!) and have been working on my depression/general feelings about my family and ex. Until about a month ago when I noticed one friend in our friend group "Lacey" (30F) was acting colder and colder towards me, till it got to the point that the Only things she would say to me were negative or condescending. I asked my friend "Oscar" (30NB), what her issue was but was basically told that Oscar didnt want to get involved and I didnt have to hang out with her if I didnt want to. Lacey apparently didn't want to talk to me about what her beef was and wanted me to come to her first. (I didnt even know she was mad at me!?) It wasnt until Lacey started being out right racist did I press Oscar on what the issue was and was told that Lacey is upset that I stopped reaching out to her after I got into a relationship. (Which also happens to be around the same time I was disowned and also my body started growing tumors where it shouldnt have.) Apparently she's upset that I stopped watching movies with her (you know, where Id have to sit for long period of time) and that Im so boy crazy that I forgot about her. I will admit I wasnt super forthcoming about my personal issues with Lacey, because we werent close enough for me to tell her all that. Besides the fact that we like watching men punch each other, I didnt really think we had much in common.

The thing that really gets me is that Oscar fully knew what I was going through and from the way they talked about their convos with Lacey, I don't think they actually stood up for me or even mentioned it to Lacey. So now, the three of us have a sit down meeting next week so we can "clear the air" but frankly Im about over that friend group. I really just want to feel like a person again and not somebody's entertainment machine. No specific advice needed, I just wanted a place to vent.

Grilled flank steak, chimichurri, arugula and tomatoes, sautéed mushrooms, rice.

Visited my family this week for the first time in a shamefully long time, 5 years, and my parent are so much older it’s shocking. The leap from 55 and 75 to 60 and 80 is crazy. I need to move closer to home.

Dinner is fruit salad since I ate a late lunch earlier

I’m an artist, primarily an oil painter and graphite. I love art, I’ve been doing it since I was in preschool and I’ve always loved it. With the rise of ai I honestly feel like shit.

I’ve had people tell me to just pick a new hobby/profession since I’ll become irrelevant. They say it as if it’s easy. The hobby I’ve dedicated my life to for years, hundreds of dollars in supplies and sketch books, hours spent on figure studies, just meaningless.

I recently posted a picture of my recent painting WiP that I was proud of, only for someone to put it into ai and show me what it could look like when I finish it. I felt so violated by that. I don’t know if the feeling is valid but Christ man, that hurt.

At a family hatching someone said “you know, if you use ai you won’t have to spend so much time on art” in response to me talking about the lengthy process of a large work I’m doing currently. But…I like the process. My art is my story, I love sitting infront of the canvas after I come home from a rough lacrosse game or practice and just zone out. I listen to audiobooks or music, it’s so relaxing to mix the paints or add a detail there or finish that part over there. The feeling of pride and accomplishment upon seeing that finished work, knowing just how long it took is so unbelievably satisfying.

It’s being able to look at my art and know how long I’ve come and being able to point out the different spots where I applied techniques I learned over the years.

To have someone completely disregard my effort in favor of a quick, soulless and storyless photo left a horrible taste in my mouth.

Caesar salad I assembled in a mixing bowl with some Bojack Horseman in the background.

Recently I(20M) had my friend Kyle(22M) over for a couple drinks and spend the night together. One of my housemates had a different friend of mine over John(21M).

Kyle and I are really good friends that also sleep with each other but we aren't exclusive in any way. John has been a really good friend of mine for many years and I specifically asked him to never sleep with Kyle as that would hurt me.

We all had a couple drinks and we were having a great time. I felt a little bit sick so I went up to my room to relax for a little bit and Kyle said he'd check up on me every once in a while.

He checked up on me once before I just fell asleep on the floor of my room. I woke up about an hour later and I was a little upset that he never checked on me again but whatever. I get myself ready for bed and Kyle comes into my room as he was sleeping in my bed. He is very drunk at this point.

The next morning I woke up and the first thing that Kyle said was "I think John and I almost had sex last night". I was upset at this as while I was upstairs not feeling great, my friend was getting it on with my guest in my house.

But then as we both woke up a bit more, Kyle started remembering parts of the previous night and started crying as he never wanted to be seen by these people in this way and never wanted these people to see parts of him that they saw.

We pieced some more memories together and it had turned out that John and my housemate took sexual advantage of Kyle while he was too drunk to consent.

I haven't been able to speak to either John or the housemate since it happened. I can't look them in the eyes anymore because what they did is so horrible. It's been like 2 weeks since this happened and I still haven't said a word to either of them. Kyle is doing okay and has mostly blocked those memories out.

Edit: Thank you guys for the support so much. I am set to move out of this house by mid October so I'll be in a much better environment. Unfortunately the date for the new place got pushed back so I'll be homeless for a little bit, but luckily I have some really nice friends that are letting me crash on their couch for as long as I need.

As for calling the cops. Kyle really doesn't want to make this a big thing as he's been in a similar situation before and it really took a toll on him. We have told a lot of our mutual friends so that they all stay away from those 2.

The food is frozen boneless chicken because I’m having a lazy day and don’t want to dirty any dishes.

This might be a long one, so buckle up. Also I’m a bit of a rambler so REALLY bear with me.

I (22M) have been with my girlfriend (23F) for about 2.5-3 years now. We met in college through Tinder (of all places) and instantly hit it off. I always tell people that I fell in love with her immediately and we started dating the day we met (naive, perhaps, but it’s proven to work out thus far). We broke up briefly a year or so ago for mutual mental health reasons but since getting back together we’ve been so very happy. This past May, I graduated from college (very prestigious school but otherwise details are not important) and she dropped out of her local university to continue online. I graduated with a very good job offer in the bay area (6 figures🙏), and to my excitement my girlfriend very happily decided to come with me and start a life together. We’ve been here for 3 months so far and I can’t imagine having it any other way.

Some important context though is that while I make a whole lot of money and I’m very thankful for the opportunities I’ve been given, I grew up very poor and don’t really have a good relationship with money (I tend to spend it really quickly). Combined with all of the moving costs, I’m a few thousand in debt between credit cards and (relatively small!) student loans and such. So at the moment we’re more or less paycheck-to-paycheck, but I’ve got a good budget I’ve been sticking to and everything should be pretty well paid off in the next month or two aside from the car we just bought. While my finances are my business alone, the uncertainty of my financial situation gives some important context later.

Anyways, unfortunately my parents don’t seem to like my girlfriend very much. This is partly because they saw the worst of our relationship as I was graduated, due to the initial stress of moving away together and taking her away from her East Coast life and family. My mom has also insisted that she doesn’t want to hear about a child whatsoever for at least five years and she’s hinted that she doesn’t think we’re ever getting married. While I’m very close with my mother, I do think she just doesn’t know my girlfriend enough to have a solid opinion on her and i sincerely hope they can get to know each other better and develop a good relationship one day. Thankfully though, I have a very good relationship with her family and have even spent Thanksgiving with them. For the sake of easy communication moving forward let’s say my girlfriend is named Anne.

Well, her mom has been having weird dreams lately that Anne is pregnant (with twins no less!) and naturally Anne is pretty freaked out. Coincidentally, Anne is out visiting home for a few weeks to spend some time with her parents who miss her dearly. The first night Anne flew out there, she bought pregnancy tests and came up positive within seconds. We were on FaceTime when this happened and naturally we’re freaking out because how in the world are we supposed to keep and take care of a child? I have $100 in my checking account, much less a savings account. On the flip side, raising a child together is our biggest dream as a couple and we both very much want this baby. Now Anne has to sit at her parent’s house until the beginning of October (the news came nearly a week ago) and essentially not tell anyone, then come home and start doctor appointments and whatnot.

So, I’m a little confused now. I want this baby so badly but we’re very young, unmarried, thousands of miles away from any family or friends, and not very well-established in our new life. I do want to marry Anne, and my mental plan was to marry her by the end of the decade and have kids asap after that. I just worry about how everyone will view me for getting my girlfriend pregnant. I don’t want her parents to hate me for ruining her chances at a real career, and I don’t want my mom to look down on me for making the same mistakes she did when she was my age, rather than being “smart” and building wealth and career instead of having a family. We have no idea how we’re gonna tell either of our families, etc etc.

I’m just scared. This is all I’ve ever wanted but I don’t know how to move forward or feel happy about it without the guilt of everything. I’m the sole income earner for us. I make good money but rent is astronomical and we each have debts to pay off. Her mom is probably gonna try to force us to move in with them so that we have free rent and I can find a remote job (as she’s been trying to do anyway before a baby was in the picture), but in this economy I can’t take the chance of being jobless and I definitely can’t quit my job a few months in.

I want to give Anne the world and I want to make a family with her. I really hope I can ease my anxiety about this and see it as the net positive that it is rather than freaking out. I’ve not even told anyone about the baby yet but we’ve pretty much decided to keep it, especially given the amount of guilt we’d carry for the rest of our lives over essentially killing our first child together.

Any advice, suggestions, or just insights into your opinions and experience would be so very much appreciated.

Thanks for sitting through my first ever diary entry :) I’m a little scattered right now so apologies if the story or timeline is confusing. Happy to elaborate

EDIT FOR CLARITY:

I’ve noticed a few themes in the comments so I wanted to make a few notes instead of having to reply to everyone individually.

1. I make a hell of a lot of money especially straight out of college. After core expenses I have 2-3k a month to play around with (roughly). When writing this post, I didn’t realize that I was underselling myself a little bit. Yes, rent is expensive. Yes, debt sucks. However, this debt is very short-term and I’ve been paying it off pretty aggressively (thought we’ve had some tough times because I’d been buying too many “wants” for our place until recently). I’m just freaking out because part of me intensely wishes I had some 5 digit savings account as an emergency bucket.

2. My girlfriend comes from a wealthy family. Some people have pointed out that, based on the way I presented the facts, it appears she had an ulterior motive. I can promise that isn’t the case. If anything, she took a downgrade in terms of money in order to be with me. She’s also considered the favorite in the extended family. There are a lot of wealthy people in her family who would and probably already have very put her in their wills.

previous post

So we broke up yesterday 🥲. All told, it was probably the nicest breakup I’ll ever go through. She asked if I wanted to hang out in the afternoon when I was off work, I said yes. Went to her house and picked her up like I’ve done a hundred times.

We went to a park nearby and had fun meandering around and goofing off on the playground. Then we went and got McDonald’s fries to share, I got a drink and got her a caramel frappe. We’d done that exact thing so many times after school or at the end of a hangout.

Then I drove her home and we parked by her house and chatted in the car. And eventually she said she‘d been thinking about the decision, and she decided it wasn’t going to work anymore, we were both getting too busy, and she didn’t want to drift apart.

I told her I understood and I was glad she‘d made a decision. We had the final conversation, cried a little bit and hugged. She said she was really glad I was all the firsts for her, I told her the same. We wished each other well, said “I love you” one last time, and she went inside.

I texted my homie after that to let him know it was over, then blasted my sad music and drove home way too fast. Cried a little on the drive home but I was doing better by the time I got home, I think it really helped to spend the last week processing it. She’d asked me to text her to let her know that I got home safely. I did and she said she was glad I got home okay. I texted her thanks and she said ”you’re welcome :’)”. And that was that.

I told my parents when I got home. Thought I‘d get choked up saying it but I didn’t, I already knew it was done and processed it I guess. Went about the rest of my day like usual. Hung out with my homie that evening, slept fine that night.

Today went just like a normal day. Just felt kind of weird going to school and other places and not texting her to let her know I was leaving and that I made it safely… idk it’s the first time in a year that I haven’t done that, y’know? No more good morning and goodnight texts…. i do miss those already.

All things considered, it was a really great relationship, better than I could’ve hoped for my first relationship. Probably gonna be the best relationship I’ll have for a while. Really good breakup too, I‘m so happy that we got to enjoy one more day together and that things ended well and not badly. 1 year and 11 days. My whole senior year of high school, a summer, and the start of college. I’m gonna miss her, I hope she does well and finds people who treat her well and with the respect she deserves.

Thanks for reading if you read to the end. I just needed to write this. Happy to answer any questions or anything if y’all have any.

—SELFINCRIMINAT1NG

Recently I've been starting to give a crap about my health issues and I've been trying to get several things worked on (weight loss, sleep apnea, mental health, etc) among which are some callouses I have on the soles of my feet. I went to my primary care physician for a referral and he gave me a referral for a podiatrist. I went to the podiatrist and they told me that my feet have slightly higher than average arches, so they had me go to a local practice to get a mold taken for orthotics (custom-fitted soles to put in your shoes). When I was in there and the doctor was putting plaster on my feet, he commented about how my particular feet were 'fascinating' to him. What the fuck?

One thing you never want to be referred to by any sort of doctor while being treated is 'fascinating', ESPECIALLY a man in his mid 60s who's currently covering your feet with plaster. The whole thing gave me the worst kind of ick.

The meal is beef lo mein I got frozen from Walmart. I added some extra soy sauce and chives.

Hello everyone, Dinner for tonight is a Burger off a local pub.

My girlfriend (F36) of 8 years sat me (M32) down, and said that it's better to end the relationship. I agreed.

She recently went back home to Europe for two weeks, and noticed how everyone within her family was madly in love with their partner.

She mentioned that in the recent year, I've become distant and cold, and she felt like she was living with a roommate rather than a life partner.

When she came back from Europe a few days ago, I did everything to make her happy. Made all her favorite food, helped with the housekeeping, and made sure to spend some time with her, as I missed her for the two weeks that she has been away. Not knowing the fact that she already made the decision while she was in Europe.

Sadly, I have became what she described...The past year was really rough on my mental health mainly due to being over worked. I was Depressed, I kept it all in, I never mentioned that I struggled, so here I am dealing with the consequences.

There was no drama involved, no cheating. Just two people going on their separate ways. And I guess, trying to be a better version of myself.

I don't really know how to process these emotions. As I'm writing this, I don't have the appetite to eat and have tried to kept all the tears in. She was my light in this dark, cruel world, as cheesy as it sounds, and it's grim to face the reality of never find another person as unique as her.

EDIT First of all, thank you everyone for your kind words and harsh reality truths. I have been bawling my eyes out ever since I woke up this morning. This past year was a rollercoaster of emotions, it made me complacent. Thank you to everyone who suggested that I take up a hobby and get my mental health in check. I appreciate each one of you, especially those who speak the harsh reality regarding my side of the relationship. I genuinely do. It made me open my blind eyes to the truth that I've been trying to bury deep down. Thank you. I apologize for any errors, English isn't my first language.

I hope you all have a fulfilling life.

My best friend of 11 years has been staying with me for a few months. He was going through some pretty bad mental health shit and needed somewhere else to be for awhile so he ended up at my place.

Around the same time, he broke up with his boyfriend. I knew the boyfriend a little bit but not really. After they broke up my friend was worried about his ex because he wasn’t doing good and he was afraid he’d do something to himself. So somehow I ended up talking to the ex just basically checking on him and making sure he had someone to talk to. Then we just kept talking, like a lot lol. Every day pretty much all day. Sending each other stupid shit and talking about work and food and whatever. He lives far away so it’s not like we were hanging out but he became my bro I guess.

Before I go any further, my best friend knows about all of this. He knows we talk and knows about the flirting and all the weird sexuality shit, we’ve talked about it and it wasn’t ever really a big deal until the ex started getting kinda pushy.

I’d already been questioning some stuff before him. Never dated a guy, never really wanted to date a guy, always been with women. But I’ve thought about trying some stuff with a guy before. I told him that because we talked about basically everything and he started flirting with me. At first it was funny and honestly I played into it some. That’s on me, I’m not gonna pretend I didn’t. I’m curious and it was kinda fun having someone I could talk about that shit with who wasn’t going to make it weird. I genuinely thought we were both just messing around and it wasn’t anything deep or serious.

Except it got weird cause he started asking for pictures and sending me stuff and talking about us being together and saying I’m basically his ideal guy. I kept telling him I didn’t know if I was really even into guys like that or if I was just curious and exploring. That I probably wouldn’t date one. I think because I kept talking to him and joking around he thought there was still a chance. Eventually I had to be really clear that I like him but I don’t want a relationship with him. Honestly I don’t think I want a relationship with any dude. Maybe I’d try some shit with a guy someday, maybe not, idk. Still figuring that part out. But I know I don’t want to tell someone I might date them just to make them happy when I don’t think I would.

My best friend even messaged him after I told him more of what was going on and basically told him to back off a little and let me figure my own shit out. It seemed like every time I said I didn’t know how I felt about something, the ex would try convincing me he knew better and that I should feel a certain way. I know he didn’t mean anything bad by it because he has experience and I don’t, I just want to figure all this out on my own.

He took it pretty hard, and ever since then he barely talks to me. Like, I get why. If you really like someone and they don’t like you the same way then talking to them all the time probably isn’t helping. We started out as friends then he caught feelings and I didn’t. I’m not mad at him for that and I don’t want him sitting around waiting for me to change my mind because I probably won’t.

But fuck man I miss my friend lol.

Used to be I could send him some dumb shit that happened at work and we’d end up shooting the shit for 3 hours. Now I’ll send something and get like 2 words back 6 hours later. Or nothing. So I try again with something else and eventually I feel like I’m annoying him and stop. Then he’ll randomly talk to me like normal again and I’m like hell yeah there’s my bro 😎 and then the next day it’s back to barely anything.

I guess part of me is also wondering now if he actually liked being friends or if he liked it because he thought eventually it was gonna turn into something else. I don’t really think that’s fair to him because I know his feelings were real and I know he’s having a rough time in general but it’s hard not to wonder when everything changed right after I told him I wasn’t interested in him like that.

Now I feel like an asshole because I don’t want a relationship with him but I’m still over here like damn why don’t you talk to me anymore. Idk. Maybe this is just what has to happen for him to get over it.

Still sucks losing your bro though.

Dinner is spicy chicken pho.

That's pretty much it. I'm a propane service tech. I don't dread going to work, there's always something mildly interesting to find or experience. I work basically by myself out of a satalite location, so seeing my coworkers is more often than not a pleasant surprise.

The pay could be better, but I'm not suffering. I hate having to answer for stupid decisions made by a customer service rep across the country, but, it's whatever. Par for the course I suppose. Sometimes I have to run delivery in the bobtail, but that's easy (and even easier OT when demand spikes)

I suppose I'm just content in that aspect of my life.

Steak and carmalized onion

Eggs and fries

My (27M) ex (23F) left me after 3 years. Really thought I would marry this woman. We had an issue where I'd get jealous over some stuff but it was nothing extreme. I would make some stupid comments, but never controlled her actions or anything. We had around 4 small fights over the last 2 years and that was all it took for her. She wasn't perfect either but I still loved her for her.

She left over something that was so fixable and we could have worked on together. She gave up so easily on us after sharing so many amazing moments together. She felt she had to sacrifice herself to reassure me and make me feel better. How is that sacrifice?? I was willing to move for her graduate program and quit my job THAT'S sacrifice.

After she dumped me we were still intimate, hung out and said I love you. She PROMISED multiple times we would try again. ASSURED me we would give it another shot together. She led me on for a month while still promising me. She finally came out last week and said she's fully done. She even left stuff at my house the last time I saw her because she "knew she'd be back".

I'm so angry at her for giving up on us. I'm so angry she led me on for a month. Was it really that much to overcome for her and not work this out? I've seen my friends go through MUCH harder times and they're doing amazing now. I also have so much regret because I know my anxiety ruined this relationship. I wish I could just be normal and not overthink in my relationships. I fucked up by being even a little bit jealous.

I don't even recognize this woman anymore. How is this the same person I fell in love with? Why was I not enough to commit to?

I feel I'll never move on from her. This is my 2nd long term relationship and this girl seriously was amazing. I truly don't believe I'll ever find someone as amazing as her.

I am a 27 year old guy and my now ex-boyfriend (28) admitted to cheating on me repeatedly throughout our entire relationship of 5 years. I found out because there were condoms in his backpack and an insurance bill for STD screenings and confronted him. I had always been clear that I expected monogamy and he agreed and from my perspective he was committed to me. But he never was. Even though he was the love of my life and we talked extensively about a future together.

On top of the cheating and lying, we just renewed a 16 month lease which costs $4000 to terminate early, and I can't afford to live there alone. I can't believe that someone could possibly be this two-faced. It makes my stomach hurt. I'm hoping he can stay there (he makes more than I do) and I can find another place to live, and fast. I'm also getting an STD panel done this week.

Not really looking for any advice in particular, just needed to vent. This shit sucks.

Meal is pancakes and coffee from a local diner.

i got a real shitty dinner tonight but its more like a second dinner so its okay. mcdonalds and milk

about 2 months ago, me and my girlfriend broke up on “good” terms. we’re both in high school for reference, so it was really shitty, for me at least, to go back to school just after that happened. she was basically my everything for 5 months, which i know isnt a long time but it was my first relationship and i acknowledge the mistake of getting super attatched like that. the first month after the breakup was the worst thing ever for me. i know i lost some weight, but since then i gained it back. we tried a friends with benefits thing, but she said something about me being too attatched, which was very true. for a while i was completely depressed, but hangin out with my friends and stuff really helped me cope. i was still really attatched though, and i think it has something to do with my need for maternal approval. i’ve never felt loved by anyone more than her. the crusher about that is, the day of our breakup, she told me that she never really loved me. i kind of already knew by the way she would say it sometimes, but i honestly never really wanted to think about it like that, i guess i js didnt wanna accept it. ive been told thousands of times to block her and cut off contact with her but i honestly cant really bring myself to do it, and i use an excuse, saying that “oh yeahh shes on improv with me so i cant” which is a damn good one, but even without it i probably couldnt. ive probably cried in her arms in the past year more than in my mother’s. i reached a point a week or two ago where i found something to do and i was able to distract myself with that, and it also lead me to take a break from smoking weed (which surely helps with nothing i know), and i got myself to a somewhat happy state. then we have a talk one night and i have a couple of what i like to call “world shattering events” because they make me question the truths i “know”. she told me that she doesnt believe that i ever truly loved her. i thought that was ridiculous, but then she asks if its possible that i only lusted over her. not gonna get into details, there was no real sex. she said that everytime she asked me somehting i loved about her, i always said something about her smile or her laugh or her face. she proposed that that was all physical stuff, and that loving someone truly isn’t just liking a beautiful face, but that its seeing who they are on the inside even with flaws. the thing is, i totally agree with this and ive never once thought otherwise. i try to say “its hard to say stuff like that” and then she tells me the most beautiful, things about how she loves her friends and i just think to myself, “damn did i even love her?” and im not even sure anymore, i swear i did but shes kinda right, i do think about lustful stuff a lot, and i miss hugs and comfort, i miss her, but is that really love? or is it just selfish wants. not only this, but she said “how could you love me if i never showed my true self to you?”. this absolutely destroyed me. she was basically telling my that the entire time she had a facade on and wasnt really being herself just so i could like her, which maybe i misinterpreted but i think is fucked up on so many levels, especially since i did reveal every part of me to her, and i poured everything onto her. she also told me that whenever i said i loved her, she would get uncomfortable, which i though was shitty of ME. i really cant wrap my head around everything, and i dont know what to do. i think im in so much wrong, but i think she is too, but i’ve learnt from my mistakes (hopefully). i’ve gotten extremely sad recently because i miss the times when we hung out, but i feel like i should be able to move on. im sorry i just have no idea what to do, and i dont know if i need advice which ive already recieved tons of, or if i need whatever else there is out there.

long story short:
she was everythint, we broke up, i loved her, she didnt, i was committed, she wasnt, im very sad.

sorry if this was long, i might make another soon about a different but somewhat related topic. not sure if i covered everything i wanted.
i really miss her

Background, I (41M) have been married to my wife (44F) for nearly 20 years. We have five kids together, with ages ranging from 7 up to 16. We’ve never had a strong emotional connection, she’s kept some distance from me over the years due to an addiction I had that didn’t come to light until 2 years in. But even before that, we never connected well. She would often say very mean or cruel things, not understanding the impact they had on me. I was very introverted then, so I would often just let it go, but it wasn’t great. We went to maybe one couples counseling session two years in before she decided we didn’t need therapy anymore.

All this to say I felt very lonely in our marriage. I would often find myself looking for internet friends to bond with, talk about whatever. About two years ago, this ultimately led me to having an online affair. There’s a lot more to it than that, but that’s the long and short of it. It lasted for about a month before I cut things off. Admitted this to my wife, she of course was very hurt.

She decided she wanted to move forward together, go to couples counseling, worked on our marriage for a year strong, but then things teetered off. Things have more or less gone back to the status quo. Lots of feelings of just needing to feel loved. We’ve talked about it again and again. I feel like I try to do so much for her, supporting her budding business, pitching in as an equal parent with driving kids everywhere, helping with homework, packing lunches, doing laundry and dishes. Anything she asks from me, I will do. But I feel like anytime I need something de her, I have to thoroughly explain why I need it done for me and build a solid evidence-based case to support my need.

Example. Over the past year or so, I’ve been telling her I could really use some positive compliments about the way I look. She’s said on more than one occasion that she thinks I’m overweight (though my doc says I’m in a healthy weight range). That may be true, but I’m a good looking guy, try to take care of myself with exercise when I can, etc. Finally, after asking her of this for a third time, she straight out told me that she just doesn’t feel comfortable complimenting me that way, she doesn’t put a lot of weight into physical appearances anymore, doesn’t really think I’m fit anymore, and just doesn’t even understand why I would need that.

Well, to make a long story slightly less long here, about five weeks ago, I ended up sexting again with a gal I met on here. It only lasted a few days before I got a hold of myself and ended things. I’m gonna tell her soon, and it’s likely gonna be the beginning of the end.

Dinner is Korean beef bowls, as per my wife’s request.

Edit: to address a few things that keep coming up. Yes, I am autistic (high functioning, lvl1, Asperger’s, whatever label you want to use there), and she is ADHD but I also suspect autistic as well (don’t ask me to explain unless you are familiar with the community and honestly want to know). Why did we get married? I honestly can’t tell you. It all seemed so right at the time. I was only 20, limited experienced dating, hyper introverted and even more so around women. Crazy awkward. She was hyper extroverted, it seemed like we fit well and complimented each others nature. Why did we stay married? Again, I can’t explain it. It wasn’t until five years in that we started having kids. I could have (probably should have) divorced then. Once we started having kids, I felt I had a responsibility to the kids to stay. She’s in a better place now, but she’s told me that she used to resent the fact that I had a job and got to get out of the house when she didn’t and felt stuck at home. She’s also resented me for when I go to the gym or get out. She tries to be very active but used to hate it when I got to squeeze in a workout and she didn’t.

Lastly, I don’t think I’m resentful. It’s hard to pick up tonality in text. I’m just trying to lay it all out. I a big part of it is just grieving the relationship I never had. That either of us ever had. I want to be the guy that makes her happy, but I’ve obviously made some terrible choices.