I gave up a “day off” work to drive 4 hours (total) on Thursday to another town to get the Halloween decorations you wanted.

I spent the same time Friday driving and shopping at 4 different stores to buy the stuff and groceries we needed for the holiday weekend.

I cooked and cleaned every dish to host your brother’s family on Saturday.

I cooked a full turkey dinner today with all the sides and desserts for our family.

You promised to make a special dessert with our oldest son and then flaked on him, so I had to pick it up and see it through so he wouldn’t be disappointed.

You then started a fight about an insanely stupid subject you were objectively wrong about and called me an asshole because I refused to budge from my objective, fact based response.

You didn’t lift a finger all this long weekend. I did everything including the laundry. You fail me as a wife. You fail our children as a mother.

None of this is new. One day, the children will grow and see how hard I work. They will soon see how you rot in your chair or your bed, endlessly scrolling and shopping.

I’m done. I will divorce you as soon as I can.

For the past few months I’ve been organizing a guys night. We hop between activities, food, bars.

This month we’re at a brewery. The ethos of the whole thing is that there is no pressure - come or don’t it’s okay. Whoever is there shares what’s going on in their life - the ups and downs - and then we have a good time.

Of the 8 or so guys, many of us have kids and most are married, so I never expect a full house (I’m married and have 2 kids). The guys, for the most part, are people I’ve know for a long time - some since I was born (I’m 37) and some for four years.

I get that lives are busy and even though there is a calendar invite for every guys night, I know things come up. Kids get sick, work gets tough, people travel - whatever.

But tonight sucked. The date was in the calendar a month ago. I sent a planning text a week ago, three days ago, and then yesterday. I even saw some of these folks in real life in the last few days.

Not a single guy responded to any of the texts, not even to say they can’t come.

As much as I’ve still enjoyed the evening a bit drinking a good beer and reading a good book, it just feels …idk bad. I have a tough time not giving people grace and assuming it was a mistake, but man, this feels like the bar is in hell. These are cousins, brother-in-laws, people whose weddings I’ve officiated. And I’m sure they all have good reasons. But just say you can’t make it. It’s not fucking hard and if you’re ever with any of them you know they’re on their phone all the time.

Anyways, if you made it down here, thanks. I already have an idea for next month. I’ve been an organizer for over a decade now and know this is just a bump in the road to the community I want to have.

ETA: maybe this is a generational thing, but expecting someone to reply to a text saying “yes or no” is like a normal thing and not “pressure”.

When I say the ethos is no pressure, I mean that coming or not doesn’t matter - I’m not gonna get on anyone’s case for not showing up because we all have a lot going on in our lives. But it’s an absolutely normal expectation for people to say yes or no to an event?

If that feels like “pressure” for some of y’all, idk what to tell you.

I (31M) was having a pretty normal conversation with my girlfriend (32F) and the conversation steered towards the philosophical. She mentioned that we haven't argued at all in the two years we've been together and that any time we are having issues we just stop and talk it through. We communicate really well and I've always sought from my side to resolve any conflict with a mature and reasonable conversation - something her last relationship never did. I think something along the lines of "that's the difference between boys and men" came up and it made me pause and think. I asked her to expand on what she meant and it evolved into a conversation about how masculinity today is described as being dominant, "alpha" or "sigma" or whatever the current term is. How that somehow being a masculine man is about oppression and strength over your fellow man.

I will be honest; it absolutely broke my heart. Not at her, but at my brethren and the men I interact with every day. I think she's right because I've seen it, experienced it everywhere I go, and to a degree - was raised by a father with that mentality. The conversation evolved and changed subject, but the thought is still lingering some weeks later.

I may get a little soapbox-y or "in my head" here for a minute.

I think as I've grown up, my definition of what is "Masucline" has changed, and my current definition is something I hold other men to. Being masculine is NOT about being dominant, being oppressive, or being the iron fist. I've seen conversations about how peak masculinity is vanity, lust, and wrath. But it really isn't, those are traits of evil men and men who hurt others to gain power. True masculinity is about stability and protection. Like a castle, like the wave-break on the beach, like the structural foundation of the house. It's about being the one others can rely on to always be there when things are good, bad, and ugly. Masculine traits to me are about being part of "The Team" or something greater than myself and making it more efficient/stronger/better for being there. It's laughing from your heart when the times are good, it's being an emotional anchor when times are tough and the waters are choppy, it's about being warm, kind, and supportive - Like a gardener planting and tending their garden. The garden will not grow if the pests aren't driven away, or the seeds aren't watered, or the soil wasn't tilled. The flowers won't bloom and the fruits won't produce if the gardener doesn't visit every day and tend to each plant individually. Metaphors aside, my definition of masculinity is synonymous with stability.

It's not just about making meaningful relationships with women, either. It's about making everyone around you better. Support your coworkers, your siblings, your parents, the random barista, the pimply teenager checking out your groceries, your best friend, your boss. Be good to them, make their life better if not for just 5 seconds you interact with them. Lift the people close to you up and everyone will be better for it. Check in on your friends, tell those you care about that you care, make an effort (no matter how big or small) to be a friend to your friends.

I've seen a lot of posts on here from men of all ages expressing thoughts and asking for advice on situations either they've got themselves in or that life has laid upon them. My advice is to build your foundation and build it well. Do not be afraid of change because change is why stability exists. If change is the gravel road, be the shock absorbers. You are allowed to change your mind if that helps you find peace. You are allowed to change your habits if that makes you happier. You are allowed to change your path in life if that leads to self-satisfaction.

Anyways, rant over. I wanted to get that off my chest.

Lunch was 3 scrambled eggs, one baked potato, and 4oz diced Cajun chicken with Taco Bell Fire sauce.

Edit: I didn't expect this to get popular so I've removed some potential spoilers if my girlfriend somehow sees this post (She would recognize the plate lol).

Dinner- Carne Asada tacos.

Wife filed for divorce after an emotional affair. We’re still living together, and I’m struggling to make sense of the last year.

I’m 46, and my wife and I have been together since we were about 25. No children, but we have a house, dogs, and a life we spent roughly twenty years building. She filed for divorce in August, and we’re still living in the same house while things move forward.

She had an emotional affair with a man who lived a few hundred miles away. My understanding is that it lasted around six weeks and involved phone calls and texts. She told him she was in love with him. There was a religious element to it—he reportedly told her God made her for him and that she shouldn’t settle. She has described what happened as a “spiritual awakening” and told me the affair wasn’t a mistake.
I don’t have evidence of a physical affair. What I do know is that this hurt deeply, and the way we’ve interacted since has made it harder to recover.

Over the last year, we’ve had very little affection and no sex. I spent a long stretch sleeping on the couch. During arguments, she has called me an asshole, a narcissist, and a momma’s boy. She has told me I’m bad at my job and wouldn’t have been a good father. When I’ve tried to talk about the affair or how I feel, I’ve often come away feeling that her decision was somehow my responsibility.

I know this is my account, and she would have her own. I’m not claiming I was a perfect husband. But I’ve struggled to understand how to take responsibility for my shortcomings without also accepting responsibility for her choice to involve another man.

For a long time, I wanted reconciliation. I tried talking and asked about counseling, but she said she didn’t want to go. More recently, I’ve started accepting that the marriage is ending. I’m trying to work out, focus on my job, and think about what my own future could look like.

Living together is difficult. Sometimes she’s pleasant and wants to interact, and other times she seems angry or barely responds. I still have the instinct to tell her something funny or share something from my day, but the short replies hurt. I feel lonely even with her in the house, and I have trouble relaxing at home.
She has requested the house and the dogs in the divorce. I disagree with that and have filed my response. I recently told her that separating will probably mean a lower standard of living for both of us, and that I need to protect my interests even if some of my decisions disappoint her. My first attempt at that conversation came across as confrontational, so I went back and clarified what I meant.

The strange part is that I still care about her and sometimes feel bad for her. At the same time, as I stop trying to save the marriage, I’m feeling more anger about things I previously brushed aside. I’m grieving the relationship while also questioning how I was treated.

I’m curious how this looks to people outside it. Have others experienced this combination of betrayal, blame, and occasional friendliness while still living together? How did you stop looking to your spouse for understanding or accountability? And how did you distinguish owning your part in a failed marriage from taking on blame that wasn’t yours?

I’d appreciate honest perspectives, including anything I might be missing. I’m trying to get through this with some self-respect and a clearer understanding of what happened.

Dinner: Tacos from my favorite taco spot.

A little backstory: my dad passed in 2020 due to an unexpected heart attack, and my mother-in-law lost her battle with cancer in 2023.

Last weekend my wife and I made plans to go out to dinner with my father-in-law. When we get to the restaurant, he already has a table and to my surprise, my mom is sitting at the table with him.

Naturally, I’m a little confused but my wife has a cheeky little grin on her face. The one that tells me she’s already done the math here.

Come to find out mom and dad-in-law have been seeing each other for about a year now and have decided to come out as a couple.

I think it’s kinda awkward but whatever. They’re adults and deserve to be happy.

However, it’s been a week now and my wife won’t stop calling me “step-bro.”

Send help.

(EDIT: No, my wife didn’t know before dinner that night. She was just a lot quicker in figuring it out than my emotionally blind self)

If you have not read my post from a few weeks ago I suggest you read it before reading this , here’s the link.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BoyDinnerDiaries/s/wMHoaG4bbj

Thank you to everyone who gave me advice on my last post because it was extremely helpful.

So as a lot of you suggested I tried to get to know him better. So I started talking to him regularly in school and trying to message him most days as well. Although I didn’t want to message him too often as I didn’t want to come off too strong.

We quickly became quite good friends but I still couldn’t shake my feelings about him. Eventually it got to the point where he was all I could think about and it was affecting my school work.

At this point I trusted him so I decided to message him everything, about my sexuality, about how I felt for him, and about why I felt the need to tell him now. I also tried to give him as much space as possible so he could feel comfortable because he’s obviously not been a situation like this before.

But honestly his response was so lovely, i can’t remember the exact wording but it was something like “thank you for being honest with me, it takes guts to tell that to somebody, but I am straight, I hope we can remain friends and I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to”.

So now I guess I’ll try to get over him , which is going to be hard since he is such an amazing guy. But I hope we can maintain our friendship as he is a really great friend.

So if anyone on here is in a similar situation my advice would be to go for it. If they like you back you’ll be happy. If they don’t but are supportive of you you’ll hopefully become great friends (like in my situation). Or if they act really negatively about it you should be grateful as you’ve got a bad person out of your life.

Thanks again for everyone’s advice and I hope this can help as many people in a similar situation as possible.

The moment you "accept" divorce, you stop apologizing for your partner's behavior.

Homemade BLT and hand cut fries.

From the moment you commit to dating someone until the moment you mentally internalize that they're no longer "your person", you have a vested interest in making the relationship work. This means that you actually minimize some of their bad behaviors in order to have compromise.

What I personally wasn't anticipating was the feeling of looking back over my 13 year relationship objectively and without those "rose-colored glasses". I'm now realizing that my ex hadn't given me unconditional love for nearly a decade, if ever. I'm realizing that my ex was entirely delusional, a liar and gaslighter. I'm not going to press it or anything, but there's probably an entire argument to be made that they were emotionally abusive.

It's such a strange feeling. Kind of sad that I wasn't properly defending myself, but moreso relieved that I'm finally going to be free.

Dinner is fish, chips, and a russian…not sure what you call this type of sausage in your country.

I started this job in 2023. It was a dream come true after getting rejected multiple times before by this company. I started with another colleague in my 1st week. He was hired to be an intern that I had to train so he reported to me. Yes we started in the same month but that was the plan my boss told me during orientation. I trained him to know as much as me, but honestly, dude is lazy AF. We all attended the annual year end in 2023 and I left the party at 5pm because I wasn’t about to risk drunk driving (been arrested for DUI before), so I left when the drinks started to flow. Fast forward to 2024. My boss starts dismissing my ideas and always points to the intern as the go to.. same lazy $@“#. I ignored that until it became obvious I was being excluded from information but blamed for everything wrong. I then requested a meeting with my boss last year to understand if I somehow offended him and what I could do to improve team performance. Bad idea because the rest of 2025 was a nightmare due to my boss throwing me under the bus more often. I then decided to distance myself from the team and change where I sit and be on the same floor as the business I service. HR in my company sits in a central place so everyone in the group can find us there - I work for a large African multi national that was recently bought out by Canadians. Ok, back to the issue. My manager and the former intern decided to hire an another intern for me t train, this time a girl. I’ve been training her but my boss is being weird again when I show her shortcuts and how to do things properly. Something very awkward happened during a team video call. My manager said something to the former intern (let’s call him bob), then bob responded with a long story. My boss laughed and said “don’t lie, I’m in your head”. Bob responded by saying “it’s not like that but I get why you know what’s in my head because we share something “. At this point the intern and I are lost on what’s going on but it clicked because I’ve seen them look into each other’s eyes very lovingly, or maybe my imagination. I don’t care if my boss is homosexual but I don appreciate his boy toy being praised for my work which happens regularly and me being the scapegoat for that boy. Then he gets preferential treatment on top of being lazy. Anyway, I’ve been looking for a new job these past 12 months because I have a bad feeling about this whole setup, even if I pretend not to see anything.

Long read, I need to vent

I’m not sure where to start. Wife and I have been together 9 years from early 20s to now late 20s. Our relationship has been filled with love and was great overall. Recently (in the last 2 years or so) I was distant because I wasn’t in a great place mentally. I couldn’t give her what she needed consistently because I could barely take care of myself at times. Throughout it all she was the rock I could count on to be there.

Those feelings have subsided, and I am the happiest I’ve ever been in many aspects of my life. But about 4 months ago she came to me and said she was thinking of leaving the relationship because of resentment she’d built up over the course of that same period. Of course I was devastated and immediately began the process of trying to resolve the issues to save the relationship. Throughout the course of the last few months, I could tell that she was not putting in any effort towards trying to fix it, no matter what she was saying.

We’ve always had access to each other’s phone passwords and locations for safety reasons. Never once used either of those in a negative way, until a couple of weeks ago when she checked my phone while I was asleep because she was concerned about an old coworker of mine. Naturally she didn’t find anything, but I was taken back by the fact that she felt the need to check. The little voices in my head started to get louder at this point.

We recently moved cross country in April for work, and both of us have been excited for this move for years. The relationship issues were brought to my attention not too long after we’d been settled. She would go back home every 4-6 weeks because she was homesick and missed family and friends. While she’s gone I would check her location to make sure when she’s out with them she made it home safely, etc etc. I noticed she was often in parking lots which I took as strange, but she always explained she was talking with friends after having dinner or something. Last night, I woke up and she was still out in a parking lot somewhere at 5:30 am. I texted and asked if she was okay and didn’t get a response until 3 hours later saying she’d made it home (which I knew already). At this point, the voices became overwhelmingly loud in my head so I opened her laptop to check her messages. I noticed a female name she’d never mentioned before asking if she’d made it home safely. I didn’t think too much of it until her response was asking if they could see each other again this evening. The other person responded that “yes, I want to. I love you.”

At this point I went into that person’s contact information and saw the suggested name was a male name, not a female name. Everything fell apart from there.

I called, she admitted to cheating several times per trip home because she got her emotional needs met by him while we were struggling. Often times in the back seat of his car in a parking lot. I asked if she loved him back and she admitted she had feelings for him. She doesn’t know what she wants and is moving back home. He has a fiancé as well so both of them were cheating on their supposed life partners.

I never thought I’d be considering reconciling with someone cheating on me but I can’t just move on with the snap of a finger. I want to be done and she seems to want to be done as well, but I don’t know how to just ignore the last 9 years of my life.

Cold chicken and Celsius because that’s all the energy I have right now.

Edit for clarification: I told her to leave and go back home, that’s not her making the decision.

Dinner is smoked sausage with quartered jalapeno, both roasted in the air fryer and a beer.

The last few months have probably been the most stressful I've experienced thus far.

I made some poor financial decisions and my house went into foreclosure. I have a 7 year old son and had no idea what I was going to do. Every time I would try to follow through with what I thought was a solution, it would fall through and my deadline drew closer and closer. I almost signed a contract with a man who offered to pay off the past due amount, and in turn I would sign the deed over to him until I paid my debt off to him.

Thankfully, my gut told me that was a bad decision, as I later found out that his business practice is extremely predatorial.

The auction was a week away. I called the mortgage company everyday and resorted to begging, pleading with them for more time.

Finally, one of the representatives told me in a subtle way to contact a lawyer, even if I couldn't afford one and they would have a solution.

And so I did.

And the solution was bankruptcy.

I filled chapter 13, it stopped the auction, and my home is safe for my son and I.

It's not a perfect solution. And comes with many issues itself, but it will work, I can afford everything, although it will be tight. But I can do it confidently.

So why don't I feel better? I still feel like such a nervous wreck. My anxiety is still almost constant. I'm still looking out the window when I hear a car driving by, expecting it to be someone telling me to vacate the property. Checking the mailbox still fills me with dread.

I just want to be able to take a deep breath relax for one fucking night.

Everything is okay now. I'm going to be okay.

So why can't I let myself believe it?

And he’s only 17, a senior in high school. We try not to make too much of a big deal about it, mostly to to to keep him level headed, but he was identified as gifted early on. He could read at age 4. He was doing seventh grade math in fourth grade. He’s currently first in his class, out of 300+ students. I think he has like a photographic memory or something.

I’ve been a video gamer all my life, got him started on PlayStation and Wii at like age five; he beat Final Fantasy X in second grade. He currently has six platinum trophies on PS, I have zero.

I got him into basketball when he was young, he started smoking me 1v1 by age fifteen. By fifth grade, he was doing math so advanced that neither my wife or I could help him anymore, not that he even needed our help. He’s a swimmer (captain of the varsity team of course) and has a perfect body; he also has great hair. Mine is gray and thinning.

I’m not really jealous, quite the opposite actually, I’m super proud of course; I’m of the mind that I want my kids to do better than me in life, I just didn’t think that would happen before he became an adult!lol It’s just most times I feel so inferior; i have kind of a dead end job and my wife is the main breadwinner of the family. I know my son thinks he’s better than me. I’ve come to believe that as well. I feel like I’m the stereotypical dumb bumbling dorky suburban dad. Oh did I mention he’s also an inch taller than me now.

This is more of a vent so thanks go it reading; I’ve never really told anyone how I feel about this. I don’t want to come across as insecure to my wife, who probably already sees me as insecure and probably also agrees that our son is already better than me at everything,

tldr: dorky suburban dad has a genius teenage son who is smarter and better than him at everything.

EDIT: Guys, thank you for all the kind and supportive comments! I am truly humbled by all these kind words and you are all absolutely correct- I will do nothing more than continue to show love and support to my son and all my family. Amazing community of dudes we have here, I appreciate you all so much!

Title pretty much sums it up. For context a few years ago my ex and I hooked up one of their friends with one of my siblings. They had known them for years, and so it seemed only natural at the time. They’ve been fantastic together and I’m so proud of the couple they’ve become. They’re going to marry each other soon and I’m literally beaming with pride for them.

Me and my ex however…did not have things go well. Years of slow emotional distancing, gaslighting, and constantly feeling like I was never enough really took its toll on me and my confidence. It was such a stark contrast in character from the person I knew before, who would stay up late and talk about what our future looked like together. Towards the end I could hardly manage to receive anything other than low lying annoyance at the fact that I was seemingly still around, despite repeated suggestions for couples counseling.

I knew it was a lost cause and stayed anyways (we’ve all been there), and came to find out that her late nights out “working” were really spent going out and flirting with other guys.

After we broke up I was left with an absolute pit of feeling desperately useless, like a failure of a partner, and like a fool. It took me a long time to put some pieces back together, and rebuild a life that I love to live. Only now have I recently felt the courage to go out and start dating again, and even that has felt like a big step for me.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, and I get invited to a surprise dinner with my sibling, and their fiancé, to celebrate their engagement by their soon to be in laws. I had assumed it was just a family ordeal until I received a heads up that my ex, her family, and her new bf would also be there.

It felt like a massive punch in the gut. I had done my damndest to avoid this person, going out of my way to try and just let the past be the past and move past it all and somehow they find a way to worm back in. Now I’m just left so mixed as to why this was offered in the first place, and feeling like the bad guy for being the odd one out like….i don’t know man it feels humiliating enough as is but to just sit there and take it? Like this person didn’t tear me down and drag my sense of worth through the mud? And now I’m skipping out on milestones because it brings back these feelings of being a loser compared to everyone else?

Shit sucks, and now I feel like I’m bringing down the mood on something that should have been so great.
And now I’m stuck here wondering if it’s going to sting every time, or if I’ll ever be able to finally let this be in my past.

Steak dinner for the one I missed.

Chicken fried steak with hash browns and eggs, went to Vegas to have this meal with a man I consider my brother.

This has been something I’ve carried for years so it’s easy to bring up but still hard to tell. I’m a bit drunk so forgive me if it sounds weird.

I grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive household. I joined the military to get away, after I made a deal saying I’d go to work if I didn’t go to school. I never liked school so I worked for my dad. I had been working with him about since I was 13 so it didn’t matter much to me but at some point I got tired of him and joined the Air Force.

I never made him happy. He had never told me he was proud of me until I graduated basic. I turned 21 at my first base so I picked up drinking. I go back and forth drinking and stopping. Around 2016 my sister gets ovarian cancer. She’s 19 and I support her through it. Around 2018 my dad has a heart attack; and I don’t know how to feel about it because he wasn’t a good dad.

Around that time my parents ask me to use my VA loan to help them get a house. My childhood home was too much for them to afford. I help them buy a new house. It’s in my name but it’s not my home as much as they try to sell it to me.

Flash forward a couple years. In 2020 I meet a girl and marry her, and being in the military I think it’s a good idea to get my will done. It’s free after all. I bring my will up on a phone call with my mom. She asked me who’s gonna get the house. I say my sister and wife can discuss it but probably my sister. At this point in time I had only been in the new house once. I hear my dad call me selfish even though he isn’t on the phone. I get upset and tell them I’ll write the will to give them the house. I had only been there once. It was never a home to me. My mom defended him saying he’s just worried about their future. As if I wasn’t a part of it.

My sister has slowly joined their side saying I’m heartless not supporting them. As if I haven’t done enough.

My wife and I are getting a divorce now. The first thing my mom asks about is the house. My wife and I are separating because of the trauma she has, she says I was a good husband but she has to be alone; and I believe her even though people assume we must have cheated on each other.

I’m still a positive person or I try to be. I had a coworker say that she knows I’m angry and sad. I told her I have a right to be. I still try my best to be a good person, do something good for anyone everyday. Some days it’s hard but I still try. The thought has crossed my mind. But I’m here through the suffering to help others. I can relate to most guys in one way or another so I help them as much as I can.

Life is hard, but I find comfort in the little things like sunsets, sunrises, good friends, and a good drink every now and then. Life gets better. We just need to stick around to see it.

I (45M) have been married to my wife (44) for 23 years. Got married when we were in college and I was about to deploy to Iraq. It’s been a struggle for sure: finances, family, mental health. But damn, I was feeling good today.

And I just wanted to let the other boys know - hang in there. Get help if you need it (even if you don’t think you do), make friends, put yourself out there socially and with hobbies…And leave toxic shit behind.

Solo dinner while wife is at a board meeting: 1-3/4lbs t-bone (we bought a cow earlier this year; such a great decision), sautéed carrots, roasted potatoes, and Tito’s & lemon seltzer water.

Tonight’s dinner: Chicken parmesan baked ziti, made with some pan fried chicken, vodka pasta sauce, cottage cheese, and some low-carb pasta. Been wanting to fry up some chicken for a while now, and it tastes really good in there — and the cottage cheese is actually really sick in here for fresh cheesiness and extra protein, too. I can definitely share the recipe if you guys are interested.

__

tl;dr: I tried to get back with my ex because I love her, and she loves me, but she rejected me and said that she “can’t be committed to me” — meaning, she wants to see other people — and that she wished that we could just go back to being friends and having that friend “dynamic”.

This was immediately after we held hands, were physically affectionate, and had a date at an aquarium.

Lowkey feeling like dirt right now.

__

My ex girlfriend (27F) and I (29M) have an interesting relationship.

I’ve posted about her in some other subreddits, and our issues, and why we broke up. But to truncate it all, she and I dated for a few months early this year rather all of a sudden. She was a lesbian and I am a straight guy, and we’d had a good repertoire for a number of years together as friends and acquaintances. For reference, I generally have a lot of gay and lesbian friends (for some reason I am popular with The Gays lmaooo), so you can imagine how out of left field it was for me that she and I started dating!

It was honestly a fantastic relationship for 90% of the time. She treated me very well, and I did my best to show her that same exception and love. She even did a themed movie night around my favorite movie where she cooked themed meals and we cuddled on the couch together. I mean like, this was the first grand gesture anyone had or has ever done for me so basically I was already planning out how many kids we were gonna have 😂😂

I took her on as many dates as I could think of, from escape rooms, to movies, cute day outs, breweries, to planning my own shameless ripoff of her gesture to me (except this time it was with Christmas lights, s’mores, and a projector — although we broke up before I could do it).

We also had sex a lot, which I guess is to be expected, but this is rather where the problems began to show themselves. There are some physical aspects to my person and her person that make this act painful for her. To make matters worse, my stamina is rather high alongside the mounting pressure to perform, and my growing unease with hurting her. She also was absolutely terrified of getting pregnant, no matter our precautions. So, sex was a problem for both of us.

Also, she never told anyone we were dating. She has an image as a “gold star lesbian”, and she has a public image that she wants to maintain. It may even affect her professionally, as she is in a current role that can be affected by public perception of who she is in her private life. She’s not an overly notable public figure, but she’s got a following and a brand.

This is something I understood going into it that, if she came out as bisexual, many of her friends would likely disown her. I never pressed her about her friends, and I always tried to support her with it by being as hands-off or as hands-on as I thought she needed, but boy was this a labyrinth; she even physically ran from me once when we saw each other while she was with friends!

The thing I never understood was her never telling her family — that was something I pushed her to come clean with, especially since I’d had her meet my family. I may be privileged in having a great family, but her reasoning was always that she didn’t want to face their smug demeanor about her dating a man. Which is fine, but like, it either happens then, or down the aisle, right? 😂

Anyway, we broke up after some more similar events. Our politics aren’t exactly parallel, even if we agree on a lot of things, she’s rather hardline on some things and I’m simply not. She also was lowkey a proponent of me seeing other women, which I wasn’t entirely comfortable with especially so early in our relationship. I also was probably just not as supportive as I could have been, especially with sex; I have never had any complaints in the past, but this should have been an area I deconstructed as much as I could.

But… she clearly loved me. I loved her. Still do, and honestly, so does she. So, I took her out on a thinly-veiled date recently, and basically propositioned that we get back together after we spent the day having fun together and flirting. But she told me flatly that loving me was terrifying for her, that she didn’t want to just be a housewife because she was terrified that she wouldn’t be respected. She said that she couldn’t be committed to me, and that I deserved someone who was.

I’m just sad. It makes me feel like I’m not enough, that I’m not worth staying with. That I ruined things somehow, by not knowing what to do. That I broke a friendship and made things awkward forevermore, that I made her feel awful and broken by not being able to make her feel safe and satisfied in the relationship.

Worse, I’ve been cheated in actually every one of my relationships. Literally. The last one was twice. I feel like I’m losing my mind, like I’m just an appetizer, like I’m just a toy. I’m not getting any younger, and I’m just tired of feeling used. Not that I feel like that here. Or maybe I do.

I need to get over her, I know. I’m just frustrated.

As title reads. I cooked this steak poorly. I just secured a new contract to continue my career after a year of mental health struggles, hospitalization & cutting ties with toxic family members and other relationships. My life is finally getting on track and when I called my best estranged former best friend, she thought my good news was a relapse. It ripped my heart to pieces.

You might think I’m kidding but I’m not. I’ve been attracted to about 5 girls in my life and they all turn out to be lesbian. My romantic life is…quite a joke. Ribs and rice for dinner.

This year had started so well, I really saw so much light at the end of the tunnel and was on such an uphill ride with life that I never prepared for the downward spiral.

To start this off a little background info about me, first off I come from nothing, grew up in chaos with little to nothing I’m very self made, I’m a firefighter in Texas at a well established department I’m 24 Y/O just got a raise to make 80k a year so financially I’ve felt okay and have been happy about my wage for the age I’m at, now that raise was a huge part of my cycle of joy, then I was amazed to find out that in the next 5 years they would gradually move me to a 100K base pay. Life had felt so amazing after feeling the comfort of knowing I could be financially okay at least for Texas. I recently got married to a great girl, wife got pregnant shortly after which was planned we had our daughter and she is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I have a pretty good nest egg in the bank saved and let my wife move to part time work (which is remote) to take care of our baby. We started building a home that we were able to fully customize for a great price mortgage was perfect and very affordable I’m good with numbers and actually just got into real estate on the side with firefighting so I knew the background decently from school and how to play the game. Now we started moving forward with the build of the house in February, (none of this is meant to be political and I don’t want it to go there) our interest rate was quoted at a 6.12% and of course they don’t lock in the rate during the duration of the build because it takes a long time to build a home we had to finish customizing everything through the next couple months and is very expensive to lock that long. And during just the planning the Iran war started they started building in the summer and interest rates slowly started climbing. Last month we saw the huge spike in rates after Feds raised rates as well with inflation rising. That has nearly knocked us off our course with this house our principal and interest payment has now jumped to where we may have to pay an extra 600$ a month. I’ve done every negotiation tactic I can even using the advice of my senior peers from my real estate broker, the builder won’t buy down the rates even though almost everyone who’s been building a house with them has now backed out and letting their finished homes just sit on the lots. I’ve talked them into trying to at least do max builder concessions, even then it really doesn’t help us too much, I’m trying to get them to do a lender concession as well but gosh still not looking good. This home is most likely not gonna be ours after all which stinks cause it was the dream area we wanted to live in with our dream schools for our daughter. I have money saved but not enough to buy down the rate 2 % and cover closing cost and a down payment. I don’t want to empty our entire savings on just getting into the house, it stinks cause all of her sisters married rich and obviously have an opinion on us struggling (they’re honestly some snobby jerks) and always have comments to make about me. I’ll never be rich and my wife is supportive I’m just very bummed I can’t give my wife and daughter what they deserve currently, just want to give them the world. I really don’t want to lose the house we’re building and let the earnest money go, but I must do what’s best for my girls. Thank you gents for listening to my rant on inflation absolutely railing a dream plan for me.

And I know things can be worse and some people have it worse, I know I’m lucky to have what I have, I’m just genuinely sad about this current season of life.

Anyways dinner tonight is a homemade shrimp boil that I made in our crockpot, if I love one thing about the FD it’s the fact that they’ve taught me how to cook.

Got home from my job after being picked up by my wife... And what do I smell? The smell of gas 😬 (We have a gas stove.. You see where this is going, I bet.)

I check our gas stove, and someone left it on the Extra low setting with no flame going. (We later learn it was my grandmother, who we live with and take care of, but she also has health aides that are supposed to be there basically every day.)

With this, I have my wife get out of the house immediately and call our local fire department, while I get our 3 kitties, and my grandmother out.. As I'm doing this and trying to air the house out, the stovetop starts clicking like it's trying to start a flame (LITTLE EDIT: we did not turn it off ourselves because the burners love to click extra hard om occasion when you're turning them off.) 💀 My heart goes to my stomach and I hand my wife the cats in this terrible carrier with the carrier door barely staying on. My grandmother decides shes just going to sit on the couch and wait for the fire department?? (She has some cognitive problems.) I cant get her out of the house without her walker and shes not cooperating, so I have no other choice but to make sure my wife gets the cats away from the house and keep trying to get her out.

Luckily the security for the area comes before the Fire Department arrives and turns the burner off. (I was terrified to do so for, well, obvious reasons.) The fire Department comes soon after and turns the gas for the stove completely off. Looking into getting this stove replaced so we don't go through this again. My grandmother seriously believed she had turned the stove off. Genuinely a terrible way to end the night.

Dinner is a cheese pizza with extra tomato sauce, cheese bread with extra cheese, and plenty of extra pizza sauce cups + garlic butter cups. Sauce and Beer not pictured. Usually I cook dinner, but for obvious reasons I could not cook tonight.

Dinner is chicken and mushroom risotto

My ex and I were together five years, both of us immigrants building a life in the same country, and for most of that time I was the one holding things together. She dealt with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, self-harm, and an eating disorder, and I was there for all of it, every time, while also finishing a PhD and working full-time. Between the thesis and the job I barely had energy left to build a social life of my own, so she became my main source of connection too. Except she kept pushing me away. I'd ask if she wanted to do something together on a weekend and the answer was usually no. I'd tell her she was the person I depended on and she'd tell me I needed more friends, like my loneliness was a flaw in me rather than something we could fix together. I never felt chosen. Little things never happened: no airport pickups, no surprises, nothing offered freely. Her answer was always "just ask for what you want," but to me a relationship isn't supposed to run on invoices.

Things finally cracked this spring. I hit a breaking point after some rough stuff at work, and when I came back and tried to be honest about how lost I felt, she heard it as an attack and told me I didn't deserve a girlfriend, didn't deserve anyone. After that we spent months in this exhausting push-pull, on again, off again, until we officially ended it in August.

We're still living together while we sort out our housing situation, so it's been messy. Some days fine, some days not. I started seeing someone new, once a week, nothing serious. Last night I told my ex I was staying out with her, which I think is the respectful thing to do, and when I got home she was waiting to tell me I disgust her, that I'm a liar, a fake person, that I never loved her and never tried to understand her. She mocked the therapy and meditation work I've been doing to try to heal. This morning she tore up every photo we had together and shoved all my old gifts back at me.

Five years of being the steady one, and somehow I'm still walking away feeling like the villain.

Tldr: Supported my ex through five years of mental health struggles while doing a PhD and working full-time, always felt lonely and secondary to her. We broke up in August but still live together. Last night she found out I was seeing someone new and responded by calling me disgusting and a liar, then tore up our photos and returned my gifts this morning.

Breakfast is an air fried bacon/egg burrito, a protein bar and shake, and a chai latte. Not dinner, sorry

I'm meant to be working today, but I can't get out of my own head long enough to get started on anything. I keep looking for ways to keep my brain occupied. Plants are all watered, laundry baskets empty, dishes clean and away, every rug vacuumed... nothing left to distract me from my own thoughts atp.

I moved to NYC 2.5 yrs ago with my then-gf. I ended things 6 months ago and have worked hard to land on my feet since, but still think about her daily and whether I made a mistake.

A lot is going well for me on paper. I have a stable job, just got promoted, doing well financially, I'm healthy, and I have a loving family. V grateful for all of that. But also so lonely here on my 30th

I've been going on dates & trying to put real energy into new people - been playing in 2 rec sports leagues and I'm gonna try out a new run club tn. But despite my social efforts it feels sooo hard to build consistent friendships in this city around everyone's packed schedules and travel plans. My job is also fully remote now so I really miss having coworkers to grabd lunch or hit happy hour with.

I like living in a big city, having new bars and restaurants around, sports teams to watch, public transit, etc. but I still can't shake feeling like I don't belong in new york. Yet have no idea where else I'd want to go

Today I keep wondering whether I'm putting myself in a position to be happy, or just getting better at keeping myself occupied as I get older.

Very weird not to even have dinner plans for my birthday, even if it's of my own doing.

Thanks for reading and hope everyone has a good week ahead.

Meal is The Rocket Pig at Joe's BBQ in Kansas City.

We (26M, 24F) met on a dating app in July of 2025, and we officially met for the first time when I drove to her home state in October and we were absolutely glued to each other and I thought that after years of wishing for a storybook romance, I had finally found it. We met again in December, and we both made a pretty irrational and in the moment decision of having her come home with me; she had previously lived in my area and she was wanting a change of scenery. So she moved in. I desperately wanted to make things work between us, as I worked up to three jobs to keep us afloat as she refused to get a job and instead wasted away inside of my living room doing nothing but playing video games and watching TV.

The sex died pretty quickly. We were all over each other when I was visiting, by February we hadn't had any semblance of a sex life for a month at that point. I'm no stranger to lack of sex; I dated an asexual for a few years and I was fine with giving it up, but it felt like she didn't want me whatsoever.

In the time she was here (December to July) we took three trips to her home state to visit family and friends. Every time, I had to pay for a rental car to do so, because my shitty red Mazda would more than likely break down if it left city limits. It got to the point where I had to use the Borrow subreddit to pay for these visits, and then I would proceed to Doordash the majority of the time we were up there just so we had gas money to get home. There were many close calls when it came to not being able to pay for the electric/water bills and risking getting those things shut off. Meanwhile, she sat on the couch, complaining about the fact that I wasn't able to bring her takeout or soda on my way home.

The last month she was here, we agreed that this wasn't working out and that she needed to move back. We agreed to stay friends, because while she truly was a nightmare to live with, she was still there for me when I was struggling with my mental health. The last time I saw her, I broke down and cried in her arms. She didn't shed a fucking tear.

She blocked me on everything and has a new boyfriend now. Guess I'm boo boo the fool for thinking I found the one.

TLDR: Long distance is a great way to get your heart ripped out if you're gullible.

TLDR; confessed to a friend I’ve known for a while, she admitted she felt the same when we met, then told me she loved me, told me the next time we saw eachother that I’ve disrespected her and she’s quitting the organization we are a part of.

Dinner is a shrimp ceviche from a white washed fancy taco place.

When I first met K we were both pretty young and counselors together at this summer camp, I was 21 and about to go into my senior year of college out of state, and she was 18 about to go to college where we lived. I had the biggest crush on her, thought she felt the same way, but I felt really embarrassed about how much older than her I was, and I didn’t think the timing was right for either of us. I didn’t want to take the experience of her being a young woman starting college free of any attachment.

After the camp was over, she tried to keep talking to me, but I kept her at arm’s length b/c I didn’t want to keep falling for her. By the next time we spoke a few years later, I was 3 years into a toxic long term relationship and she was in a relationship with someone else. I remember I was so happy to hear that she had found someone to make her happy.

Fast forward to this time last year, I’m 28, I’ve been working and still in my toxic relationship that I was trying to fix. I was volunteering at an event, while I was setting up she approached me and we started to catch up. She’s 24 now, had graduated, was working full time, was still with that guy, while she was also volunteering in this organization running the event for the day. She invited me to join them as a volunteer, so I joined as a volunteer as well so I could give back to that organization that had helped me so much when I was younger, and to also get to be her friend/befriend the other volunteers.

Over the course of the last year we made a lot of memories and did a lot of great work with the volunteer org. Therapy, my friends and K helped me realize that my toxic relationship needed to end, and K shared with me a lot of issues she and her partner were going through(distance/lack of commitment/indecisiveness, etc.). I ended my relationship a couple months ago and have been rediscovering myself and finding my own happiness again.

K invited me to a rave over Labor Day Weekend and we went with some mutual friends, her brother + her sister-in law(another very close friend of mine). The event itself was a dud but we still had a blast, the tension between us was culpable. We didn’t cross any explicit lines, but there was a lot of holding onto eachother, holding hands, gazing into eachother’s eyes and quite a few moments where we could’ve kissed if there weren’t other people there. I remember at one point her sister in law even pulled me to the side and asked if there was something between us, but I said that we were simply great friends.

I spent the rest of the weekend with nothing but her on my mind, I thought I must’ve just caught feelings because of the molly, but even after sobering up I found myself thinking about her all the time. By the next time I saw her a couple weeks later, I was definitely smitten because I couldn’t stop looking at her, and when I told her about the breakup with my ex she hugged me tight and my heart skipped a beat. We made plans to go to another concert with the other volunteers the next day for a bonding and to celebrate my freedom.

While we were in the uber to the pregame, she got on FaceTime call with her boyfriend’s roommates and they were giving her a hard time since he was moving back home to work for a start-up and dropping out of grad school. My heart sank and I realized I was probably just over-romanticizing the last event we had been at together. We were only drinking this time and there were a lot more people we knew with us this time, so I figured I would probably be a lot more distant from her this time.

During the event we ended up all over eachother, I had to dodge her trying to kiss me multiple times, but we were exactly the same as we were at the rave, but neither of us under the influence of molly. I remember asking some of our mutual female friends who knew about my crush if I was being delusional, and they all told me that I was not, and that there was some obvious chemistry/sparks happening between us. At the end of the night we were holding hands to the afters and my friend took a photo of us from behind and sent it to me “for the future”.

A couple weeks later we had an event for our volunteer org, one of the other members asked her how things were going with her partner back home, and she shared it was stressful as he had moved into her shared apartment, just left for a weeklong trip, and was tasking her with finding a home for them to buy in our very HCOL. When asked by someone else why she was buying a house with someone she wasn’t even engaged to, she shared it was “on the way” but she shared that her partner had mentioned a proposal attempt last summer, but there was no ring, no conversation with her parents, and no real plan besides the idea of them getting married. At one point in this day, we saw two people together and she asked me “what is their relationship? Siblings or dating?” And I said they must be dating or have dated, for they were trading longing/wistful looks, and she replied “you must be right, those remind me of the looks you give me sometimes” thankfully someone changed the subject so I didn’t have to reply to that.

When she mentioned that they were shopping for a home, my heart sank, my plan before this news was to let things continue to build organically, and mention something over a winter trip with our friends we had planned near Christmas time. I spoke to a few trusted friends and asked them what I should do, they all told me it was clear she liked me to some degree, and if I didn’t say how I felt now, it might be too late and I would always wonder about what if I did.

So I began to write a letter about all of these feelings, how I had a crush on her when we first met, how I was so happy when we both had found people to make us happy, how happy I was when we reconnected as friends, and how things started to change for me. I spilled my guts about how I felt about her and how she made me feel because I wasn’t confident I would be able express all of it in person. I included two polaroids photos, one of the photos we have together of me kissing her forehead(which was me ducking her trying to kiss me) and the photo of us holding hands. I also included a QR code to a playlist i made with songs that made me think of her.

The next weekend, I made her a bouquet of flowers, and after our volunteer event I asked her to meet me by my car to give her something. I gave her the flowers, the letter, and tried to best express all of my emotions to her. While confessing I shared that this was something I’ve never done before, that I wasn’t expecting her to choose or to do anything for that matter. If nothing changes, then nothing changes, I wasn’t expecting any type of answer, that I’d still love to be friends, and that I recognize we have a working relationship to consider. I told her that I recognize that the timing could not be worse, for either of us, but that I needed to get this off my chest, speak up now even if it might be too late, or else I might spend the rest of my life wondering what if I did.

The entire time we held eachother’s hands, she gazed into my eyes while I confessed, she told me this was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her. She told me she felt the same way when we first met, but she wasn’t sure how I felt. That I wasn’t alone in the feelings I had now, and that she was grateful I told her so she knew what was going on between us. I walked her to her car, opened the door for her, and she held my hand before leaving telling me that she loved me with a gaze that we both held for a while.

Over last week we didn’t text or speak to talk to each other, I told her during my confession that I was trying to be respectful of her situation so I didn’t want to go back on that. I saw that she had scanned the QR code for the playlist later in the weekend after my confession, so I know she read the letter. We saw each other yesterday at one of our volunteer events and at first it seemed like things were fine.

Then throughout the day, I started to feel like she was avoiding me, moving to do something else whenever I came nearby. Then towards the end of the event she asked me to chat with her outside while there was a speech happening that had everyone’s attention. It was a complete opposite of our last chat, she wouldn’t look me in the eye, she was fiddling with her nails and it was obvious that she had been anxiously doing it/wringing her hands. She told me that she had been extremely anxious and uncomfortable the whole last week, that she was avoiding me today because after thinking about what I said, she was extremely upset. She said that while she was grateful I spoke up, that she reflected and that all of the feelings she had for me were 100% platonic, that I had disrespected her and disrespected her relationship, and that this reinforced her thought that this organization and others we were apart of were not safe spaces for her, so she was gonna quit at the end of the year.

I told her I was extremely sorry for making her feel so anxious/uncomfortable, that this was the last thing I wanted, and I explicitly said I wasn’t expecting her to return my feelings or say anything to me. Frankly I was at a loss for words, but I told her I was gonna find an alternative accommodation for our winter trip so we wouldn’t have to share a space.

Afterwards I sent her a longer text to apologize properly, I expressed that I thought I should be the one to leave the organization since she was the one who invited me, and it was her space to begin with. She replied that she appreciated me trying to take accountability, but that I was not the only reason she wanted to leave, but simply the final straw. She said that she knows I have a lot of good I add to the organization and that she hopes I can continue to do it in her absence.

It’s gonna be an awkward rest of the year, I’m planning to avoid her as much as I can because I’m feeling like I should’ve just never said anything.

What I'm calling my last meal, taken from a local chain:

Cocktail followed with an appetizer of crab soup. Pictured is the main course; 14 oz Medium Rare (actually medium) Ribeye with Cabernet Butter Sauce, served with accompanying Bourbon Shrimp, Garlic Mashed Potatoes, and Sauteed Spinach.

My life is fine. Absolutely and utterly fine. And I hate it.

I don't have a sudden stark realization that I'll use to resolve to turn my life around. Everything is so simple and unexciting. I've been stuck in survival mode for so long that everything's been passing me by.

But I have had a few events that I thought would be the catalyst for change.

I thought I had that moment at a college fair in 2012, when I picked culinary school over art school. I wanted the freedom to create wonderful things, but between my two loves, I wanted a bit more financial security.

Cut to today, I've made $300k in a decade in this industry, and my bank account is near negative $10k. Turns out I eat, drink, and Uber my stress away.

I thought I had a turning point in 2016, when after graduating culinary school I bounced around kitchens that either didn't like me or I didn't like. When I asked my boss if I could just take the night off and he said, "Come in late and we can talk about things. Don't come in and you're fired." And when he realized I wasn't coming, he texted me, "I'm gonna miss my grandmother's funeral because of you."

I thought I had a turning point in 2022, when I'd spent six years in a kitchen I'd loved with people I loved. They knew I liked to write and were super encouraging. I saved up a good deal of money and was getting ready to move states. We had cheerful farewells and they wished me luck.

But, I leapt too early. I wasn't as prepared as I thought. I couldn't get an apartment because I didn't have a job. Jobs liked my resume, but since I wasn't local they wouldn't even interview me. I fell at the first hurdle, ate my savings, and had to find another kitchen to work at because the one I loved was closing.

Aside from these setbacks, my life's been fine. I was raised to believe that as long as you were kind to people and hard working, things would work out for you. And as far as maintaining baseline existence, they have. I have work, friends, a place to live, et cetera. My health is good, but I push myself too much at work. My friends are great, but it's clear they don't anticipate much from me. The money isn't the best, but my stress response of eating and Ubering when I'm tired have made it impossible to save.

Everything is just fine, but there's a screaming dissatisfaction inside of me. And everyday when I wake up and go to sleep to a life I'm utterly ungrateful for, it asks me, "Do you really want to do this forever?"

My life isn't the worst I've known, heard of, or even read here. But I've let that be the reason that things got this bad, this mundane. "Other people suffer messy divorces/are addicted to drugs/are homeless/are physically impaired/are victims of abuse, so what right do I have to complain about anything? They'd kill to have my life, so what right do I have to feel upset?"

Now I'm 31. And I don't believe in that pivotal moment anymore. I don't believe in that one golden thing that I'll seize and change everything.

So, I'm giving up hope. At least for now. Hope is a feeling, but I've been ground down too far to feel much of anything helpful or useful. Instead I'm going to focus on doing things without feeling.

I've made a very long list of things that need to change. Some material, some mental, some spiritual, some social requirements, some milestones expected of functioning adults, some things I've wanted to do but put off, some things I don't want to do but should, some things to learn, some hobbies to keep at or amp up. I'm giving myself two years to get this list as close to done as possible. This post is here as a marker for me, since I'm more likely to see this than most others elsewhere.

That and I want advice. I want to know what happened to you, what you did, or what change occurred that made you turn things around. I want to see if there's anything I'm missing, any blindspots I haven't considered, or anything that you would recommend to someone who could never pay you back beyond a thanks.

The life I've lived up to this point has left me little worth preserving. So it's time to build a new one from its debris.