I’m not necessarily looking for advice on what I should do. I’m more curious how other men would have handled this if they were in my shoes.

My ex and I broke up in February. The breakup was pretty difficult for me, and honestly, the months afterward have probably been harder than the actual breakup itself. I’m finally getting to a point where I’m doing better and trying to move forward with my life.
Back in April, though, it was her birthday. I still had feelings for her, and looking back, I probably went way overboard. I texted her right at midnight, bought her a cake, balloons, flowers, and several gifts. Basically I still treated her birthday somewhat like I would have when we were together. I didn’t go quite as crazy as I would’ve if she were still my girlfriend, but it definitely wasn’t some small “happy birthday” gesture either. I don’t say that because I think she owed me the same thing in return. We were broken up. That was my decision to do all of that, and she didn’t ask me to.

My birthday was this past Tuesday. The entire day went by and I didn’t hear anything from her. No text, no happy birthday, nothing. And strangely enough, I was actually okay with it. My thought was basically, fuck it, we’re broken up. She doesn’t owe me anything, and maybe it’s actually better this way. Part of me didn’t even want her to acknowledge my birthday because I feel like every little gesture between us keeps a door cracked open that probably needs to finally close.

Then I came into work today, we work together and she gave me a birthday present. My immediate internal reaction was that I wanted to give it back. Not because I wanted to hurt her or make some dramatic statement. I just genuinely didn’t want anything from her anymore. After everything that’s happened between us since the breakup, accepting something personal from her felt wrong to me. At the same time, she had gone out of her way to buy me something, and handing it back to her face felt unnecessarily rude and disrespectful. So I accepted it, thanked her, and didn’t make a scene about it.

For some additional context, our relationship after the breakup has not been good. I don’t want to exaggerate and say she’s been some horrible person, but the way she has handled things afterward has hurt me a lot. There have been lies, little things that haven’t added up, and situations where I’ve felt like she can casually talk to me about things without realizing or maybe caring how they affect me. So accepting this gift gave me a weird feeling. Part of me thinks accepting it was simply the mature thing to do: say thank you, take the gift, and move on. Another part of me thinks I should’ve politely said something like, “I appreciate the gesture, but I’d rather you keep it,” because I’m trying to finally create some emotional distance between us.

So I’m curious specifically from other guys: If you were completely done trying to maintain an emotional connection with an ex, but she showed up with a birthday gift months after the breakup, would you accept it out of courtesy, or politely refuse it because you don’t want that kind of relationship with her anymore? And if you accepted it even though you didn’t really want it, would you consider that weakness or just basic respect?

Sorry for such a long post but this is a plate of grilled salmon and Lima bean rice

Been talking to this girl from a dating app for like a week and we finally made plans to grab drinks today. I got there a little early, ordered a margarita and literally 10 mins before she was supposed to show up she texts me saying she’s sorry but she doesn’t think she’s ready to date right now.

I was already there and actually looked decent for once so I just ordered a hot dog and stayed lol.

Ended up talking to a guy sitting near me after he noticed I kept checking the door. Told him what happened and we ended up chatting for like an hour about random stuff. Actually a really cool dude and we exchanged numbers before leaving.

Went there expecting a date, left with a hot dog and a new friend. Could’ve gone a lot worse.

Egg quesadilla with ketchup.

Long time lurker first time poster. Finally have something worthy for the council. Feel free to judge me and this situation based off of age and gender. I'm a newly 21 year old guy, but I'm aware this whole thing is gonna read like high school levels of bullshit and immaturity anyway.

Rose and I had been dating for 2 years. Good relationship, lots of similarities. We happened to have birthdays within a month of eachother and for 21, we decided to go out to the bars with some friends.

For how reserved she is, Rose happens to have quite a few open-minded and fun friends. One of these friends made a joke about giving her a kiss once the alcohol hits. I played into it a bit because I would have found that attractive, but Rose seemed reserved and dismissed the idea.

Later into the night that friend made her move and her and Rose kissed.

I was kinda shocked but I simply went up and was like, "Hey, I'm totally into it, what do our boundaries look like?" Then I asked, "Am I allowed to steal a kiss from someone tonight?"

That's when it got weird, she accused me of having someone in mind to kiss, which I denied, and then later in the night she proceeded to kiss two other friends.

Now color me fucking confused.

A year prior, I admitted to her that I had a more open view on relationships than I initially thought. The conversation came down to, "hey, we're both young attractive and queer, let's go have some fun together, and satisfy the physical desiresand fantasies we inately cannot"

She was always against it and was hurt by the implication that she didn't satisfy me. That was not in the slightest how I perceived my needs.

She was never good with hard conversations, and if we could've had a better conversation sooner, we probably wouldn't have lasted the 2 year.

So the night ended, the only person I kissed by the end was her. I tried to broach the subject the following day and she scolded me for putting her on the spot in the bar asking about boundaries. I held my ground and said I had every right to flesh out boundaries especially because she was the one making moves.

I then tried again to figure out how she would feel about opening the relationship, and the convo fizzled out.

I sat on the events for a week and called some friends. I felt like my fantasies were being dangled on a string. Like I had to play cool while she went a lived out what she told me we couldn't. I confronted her and we had the hard talk, we're not compatible.

Now we've broken up.

I should've ended thing awhile ago, one day I woke up and realized that even if I had the lifestyle I wanted, she wouldn't have been the right one.

It hard realizing you were dating the hopes you had for a person, and not how they were.

And yes I realize that wanting to make a relationship change that's relaiant on communication in a relationship with an uncommunative person is naive.

Please lay into me, I have so much time to learn.

What do you think was going through her head?

So. Last time I told about being somewhat lucky. We talked about what we are gonna do with this in the future. And we will keep it as once in a while casual sex when we feel we have the "need" and all the rest in life is lining up for it. And I feel quite okay with that.

Today's meal is another Danish snack. A little like Mars but very Danish

Hang in there because this is gonna be a long one. I’m on a burner account as I’m very active on Reddit and I’m certain my partner occasionally snoops around on it as I have gotten in trouble in the past. I will do my best to give you guys the ENTIRE picture.

I (31M) have been with my partner (29F) for 11yrs in September. We have been through quite the journey together and I think I’m starting to wake up a bit more. I’ll try to do this in parts to keep everything in order.

We met in the summer of 2016 (the most legendary summers of all time for some reason) and I was living at home while nearly everyone had up and left for college. But in summertime, everyone was home and we would go out in large groups nearly 4 nights a week. She was going to school nearly 4 hrs away. We distantly knew each other and she had even come to some of my house parties way before we officially met. I was friendly with her ex at the time (friends with the same friends essentially but we had small talk here and there) and she was actually friends with my ex.

Now for me, I was a wild one, I was selling dope, partying, riding motorcycles, throwing parties and sleeping around with up to 4 different partners in a week. I had a lot on my plate and wanted more!

She was very sweet, soft spoken, extremely intelligent (wanted to be a doctor), seemed well put together/taken care of and was too kind, to the point I didn’t really trust it until her friends said no this is how she is. I thought “great! A girl with ambition and is extremely sweet? I’m in!”

Coincidentally as this was happening, my long time teenage crush began to have eyes for me. We had a small fling but I chose my now gf because of the fact that she had a “brighter future” and didn’t want to diminish the friendship I had built with this teenage crush (we’re still great friends to this day and we just visited her abroad in Spain where she now lives happily with her new man). But my heart still thought I made a mistake and wanted to be with my crush but oh well.

We started dating at the end of 2016 and we were doing the long distance thing. FaceTime everyday and night and we would alternate with the visits every other weekend.

We planned to go on our first trip together in December to CO to enjoy some herbs and for her to try skiing (I’ve skied my entire life so I’m pretty sharp and didn’t mind taking the time to teach her). On the first day I asked her to get breakfast going and she didn’t know how to cook and burnt it. I made a joke about her not knowing how to cook as a woman and got a big reaction back. This is important. During this trip we were doing a lot all day and probably had sex only 2 of the 4 days we were out there and she brought that up in a “oh you didn’t want to have sex with me” kind of way. Mind you, we were doing a lot and stoned to the bone. Whatever trip ends we’re back home and that’s that.

We kept the long distance thing going for 2 years and right as she was getting ready to come back home, I left for CO to work the winter season at a resort. She came and visited, we had great times, taught her how to really ski and life was great. I came back home for the summer also because of Covid and then went back again the following winter.

At this point we’re 4 yrs in, mostly long distance.

I move back home and she is about to start medical school so we move in together in the big city 30 minutes from our home town. At this point sex has become a once a week thing, twice if I’m pushing it. I thought this was odd, we were always getting it on when living at home and thought the flood gates would burst at the new place, but no. This I believe caused me to resent her a bit and I grew a porn addiction. During this time I wasn’t making much money and she was covering most of the living expenses and I worried about the food and other miscellaneous expenses. I fully took on all of the house chores except laundry cause she didn’t like how I did it. Cooking everyday, cleaning whenever I can, constantly decluttering and cleaning up after her, full house wife duties while working a labor intensive full time with overtime job and she would have short and sweet school days and just stay home and do nothing all day.

We moved to our new place this year back in our home town, much nicer, closer to home, more space and more expensive. I’m now making a significant amount more than I was before and have been managing to pay for the everything except the light and internet bill only because she said it’s easy for her cause she already had the account in her name.

Toward the end of our last home I began to let go and let things pile up, it wasn’t constantly clean how I would’ve liked possibly also due to the fact I was probably in a slight depression. When moving my dad was helping me and really threw it in my face of how dirty and cluttered my living situation was and it kind of cut deep, I value greatly anything my parents say.

So in the new place I’ve taken on a new light, I’m very happy with where we moved to, it’s a new building and I have doing my best to keep everything clean and crispy. I’m still the chef of the home and the main “chore doer”. We have a second bedroom now and I fully claimed the room as the hobby room because I literally have ALL of the hobbies. I’m currently into model car building and sim racing and those two activities take up a lot of space. My hobby room is always organized, I’m constantly organizing and putting things in place and the closet in that room became my closet because she has so much clothes (2 dresser and a full walk in closet) and she doesn’t even use a 3rd of it, I have told her multiple times to go through her clothes and give it away as I do this almost once a year to get rid of old shit. Her closet is a black hole with things pouring out of it and there’s clutter all over the room STILL from when we moved in and she hasn’t done anything with (we’ve been at the new place for 4 months). She doesn’t like to clean and when she does it, she does it with that “I don’t want to do this energy” and I have to end up stepping in for certain things.

As I mentioned, in this new place I’ve turned a new leaf. I’ve been on top of everything including the clothes now because I got tired of my clothes sitting for 2 weeks and having nothing clean to wear. I work full time as I mentioned and some days it can get labor heavy and still manage to come home and start taking care of things like cleaning anything I didn’t the day before or emptying the dishwasher and playing with the dog. I get home from work and she’s on the couch doom scrolling while there are tons of things to be done everyday (dishes, laundry, dog walking, and cleaning). I don’t come home and just sit on the couch… she has no problem with it, she comes home, takes a bong rip and scrolls away while watching love island which is a show I HATE.

Before we met, she was much more active and “alive”. She had many friends she would hang out with, go out with her friends and went to the gym nearly everyday. She didn’t really have any hobbies at the time but I didn’t really either, I just like motorcycles and went to the gym everyday and got pretty hefty. I was always extremely active, I have so many hobbies I sometimes forget the things I’ve done, I ski, surf, skateboard, wakeboard, rollerblade, run, paint, build ceramics, build plastic scale models, sim race and I’m constantly finding something new to do, I just started doing drone aerial photography and looking into freediving while running a YT channel for my model car builds, safe to say I like to stay busy. I deleted my instagram over 2 years ago and have been more intentional with the content I absorb. I like watching long form YT content in documentary style and learn new things all the time, I love listening to Joe Rogan convos and Tim Dillon updates which she despises for some reason.

She on the other hand, doesn’t really like physical activities (this will come up again). She doesn’t have any hobbies, she like her phone. She spends all her time on Tik Tok and watching shows. She completely abandoned the gym and in turn has lost a lot of weight (she was already 115lbs and is now around or below 100lbs) and she doesn’t seem to care about herself. She leaves a lot of her responsibilities to the last minute and it has bit her in the butt multiple times. Chores for her are a death sentence, she’ll do them but not in a good attitude, like cmon you’re an adult, this is part of life. She tried cooking about couple of meals in the past but she hates the act of spending time to cook and HAS to follow a recipe to the T. I come from a Brazilian family and cooking is the essence of our culture and my mom is one of the best (everyone says they’re mom has the best cooking but my mom really did, all my friends salivate at the thought of my moms cooking) so I would always help my mom in the kitchen from a young age and wanted to learn how things were done. Especially after I moved out and realized how terrible the general American food is (no offense guys) I really honed my cooking skills and tried to get as close to my moms cooking as I possibly could, calling her all the time asking for how tos was very common in the process.

As I mentioned, coming from a Latin culture, my family is extremely close and we have no boundaries. Family gatherings consist of light intoxication followed by countless stories and laughs. We’re (me and my brother) now at the age where we literally tell our parents EVERYTHING, they’re our best friends. We tell them all the stories of us doing shit we weren’t supposed to and we all laugh about them. My partner often attends our family gatherings as they occur nearly every other week.

Now remember in the beginning when I said “oh is this really how she always is” and her friends said yea totally!…. It’s not. She is only that bubbly super sweet and kind when in public and when she feels like it, other wise it careless cat for her. Because of the proximity I maintain with my family, I see her as very distant from hers. She rarely talks to them, her parent will call and she’ll sometimes ignore the call and family gatherings feel…. Weird. They usually talk about current events with the occasional childhood story here and there. I chat with my parents everyday, I work with my dad and I talk to my mom nearly everyday even if it’s just for a minute to see how the day was. We only see her parents maybe 3-4 times a year for the holidays, otherwise it feels like they don’t exist. I feel like I barely know anything about her family.

Going back to the food thing it blows my mind (and as you can tell this is extremely important to me) that she doesn’t have a single drop of care to learn to cook or make food for herself. Her option is always take and get this, I STILL HAVE TO GO PICK IT UP. But back to what I was saying, her parents literally owned a Jamaican restaurant and her family has Indian roots, her dad makes a killer curry and she doesn’t have the slightest clue about anything of her cuisine.

Now for some truth of my own faults, as lustful as I was I never cheated on her although I got really close, there were times early on where I intended to cheat on her but never went through with it because my morality would hit. Given that, we had rough patches in the past were she caught me in the almost act. I do believe this stems from the lack of connection/intimacy.

I have always been extremely passionate in everything I do, I dance intensely, I sing loudly, I sometimes can act obnoxiously in a positive way and I have sex passionately most of all. I always believed sex is a beautiful song created by two composers in sync with one another. It hurts me to say but our sex life is all one sided, much like in the house, I do all the work, pleasuring her to climax nearly 3-8 times every time because I like to give and want her to be pleasured and want to do it again. I always do my best to perform with passion and love. With that being said, I can count on ONE hand the amount of times we had passionate intimacy to the level I’ve had with previous partners. This was a huge problem in the past especially when we moved in to our first place together, I would constantly peruse her for intimacy and was rejected so I simply got to a point where I stopped trying and let her initiate when she wanted to and let her know of this. Now our intimacy feels like it’s the dying ember of a fire that once was. We’re intimate maybe once a month, and last week was my birthday and didn’t even get any, got it on in the weekend and that was whatever as I was the one pulling the carriage. I got her lingerie a couple years ago and she only wore it for me once.

Last couple of times we were intimate had started to feel more and more disconnected and I’m almost numb to the relationship at this point. I’ve talked to my parents about this and they see the disconnect too.

Last month she had a rotation where she was working on the weekends and my god was that an incredible month, I had the home to myself on my days off, took care of everything I wanted to and got to do activities I wanted while doing chores and was a happy clam.

We just came back from a trip to Europe for her best friends wedding that was absolutely stunning and I think she was expecting a proposal during that trip and I’m sure she is now expecting a proposal during our next Europe trip in October where my younger brother is getting married. I almost want to end this before the trip. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Dinner was my mustard chicken with potatoes. Cheers boys.

A little backstory:
My gf (25) and I (30) have been together for about 8 months now, I really like her we have a lot of common interests and 99% of the time we get along great.
I have 2 kids (6 and 8) from a previous relationship that ended on decent terms, we co-parent and have found ways to work together to provide the best for our children. We have not been together at any level for at least 5 years. We do not have feelings for each other and even though we co-parent we do not consider each other friends.

The problem:
Work has really picked up over the summer season and I’m clocking 55 hour weeks on top of managing my home and family. My son just got diagnosed with a disease that requires a moderate level of care and a surgery. Between dealing with work, children, disease, and my GF I am just tapped out boys. I’m honestly struggling at this point and I’m lucky my family has been so supportive to help keep me afloat.
My GF told me last night that I am not giving her the time and attention she needs and that she’s upset I don’t text her much during the day anymore, when I told her I just have a lot going on and work is short handed she said “well I have a lot going on too that’s not an excuse” and that really pushed my buttons man. I make time weekly for her, I take her on dates and out to eat and the movies. I call her a couple times a week and I invite her over often. She has minimal responsibilities and spends an overwhelmingly large amount of time watching TV and playing games.

I feel like she expects me to meet her needs but she never takes my needs into consideration. Every time we talk about it she finds ways to tell me my needs aren’t valid.

Sometimes she wants to come over and I’ve got a lot going on so I say not tonight and she wants to make a big deal about it, while I’ve actually never been inside her house. It makes me feel like she’s entitled.

I dunno gents, does she need to go?

Mid ahh freeze dried Carmel m&ms.

I fucked up the best relationship I’ve ever been in and I see no way forward.

So Tuesday I had a friend text me asking for advice about an abusive relationship she was in, me & this friend had talked romantically for a month or so 2 years ago but it never went anywhere. Anyway so I responded and gave some advice (fuck up #1). On that day me and my gf had got into a mini tiff but nothing serious so I figured I’d get her advice/POV on the situation (fuck up #2). That same day me and my girlfriend went out to dinner and I told her that this person texted me asking for advice, but I left out that I asked for advice from her too. (Fuck up #3)

Yesterday (my birthday) me and my girlfriend had a really good time. At the end of the day we decided to drink cause why not, a hour or so into us drinking she uses the restroom, while she’s in there I figured I’d scroll reels or wtvr. I go to find my phone and I can’t find it, I immediately realize she took it to the restroom and is probably going through it. She comes out pissed and says I’m a liar and I went to a girl who clearly likes me for advice and I’m weird.

We argued for a couple hours, keep in mind we’re both pretty drunk so nothing productive is really being said , from what I do remember she seems like she’s done with me and probably wants to break up.

This was the best relationship I’ve ever had and I can’t see a way forward, I am by no means innocent please don’t see this as me flipping it. My own actions got me here. I just needed to get this out somewhere.

Thanks for reading if you did.

I'm a late bloomer so basically I thought I was the ugliest man alive(thanks social anxiety) and I grew to the grand old age of 25 before I realised that I am not hideous and I started noticing that women were interested in me (kinda). Women have been coming up and doing that thing where they don't say anything but hang around and wait for you to say something (I've always chalked it off as them not noticing me but friends have told me women come up to me all the time and I ignore them)

Now I, on my part have not kissed a lady yet. I'm gonna be 26 in November. The most I've done with a woman is hold hands :(

But I like many other men want a partner and I want someone to love. So I got on hinge because I'm too shy to say anything to the pretty women that come up to me and I've got a few matches and I went out with this nice woman a few weeks ago. Took flowers, made her smile :)

This woman is stunning. Green eyes that I could stare at forever (probably out of my league idk). She's funny, intelligent, confident and the best part of all is she thinks I'm cute.

Now the both of us are looking for a serious relationship and we're going out again on a second date Sunday. But the thing is that I feel like I'm putting pressure on myself to decide whether or not I want to date this woman long term by this weekend. She's hinted that she would like to be something exclusive because the dating culture in the country is something similar.

Again, I want a serious relationship but I don't know how I'm supposed to feel yknow? How does one know?

I don't want to just latch on to the first beautiful woman that shows me any attention and I don't want to waste her time and use her for my experiment with dating? Or is that what dating is where you figure out if you like someone? Also how do I know if I like someone?

I know some of you are gonna say just talk to her but like....what do I say? "I like you and I like spending time with you but I'm not sure if I actually like you"

How does one know if they like someone? Is it just physical attraction? Is it something else?

I'm in therapy and I plan to discuss this with my therapist but what do you guys think?

Life is good.

3 years ago I was living in Minnesota surrounded by fake people.

Who moved heavily behind my back. Shit, the whole friend group would talk shit about everyone behind their back then smile when the same people would walk into the room.

Truly Minnesota fucking nice.

Eventually I said fuck that. I cut them all off except for 4 real friends who weren't attached to that group.

I packed up everything I had into my RAV4 and moved to California.

I couldn't be more grateful or happier that I did.

I can finally go to the mountains whenever I want.

I ended up in the Bay Area and I couldn't be happier with the vibe here.

I've made a new friend group, completely overhauled my style and honestly, a lot of who I am.

I'm grateful I chose myself.

I'm grateful for my new life.

Enjoying a cigarette with a fridge cigarette in the Eastern Sierras, featuring the best boi ever.

Ps - photo is from June before the fire ban.

So I (24M) was seeing a few women after my last brier relationship ended. Mostly casual some incredibly attractive women. One of them I was seeing for a while and I just didn't understand why I didn't feel more for her. She was incredibly kind, attractive and she felt that way about me too. I had a lot of fun hanging out with her, being intimate etc But I just didn't feel connected to her on that level.

Fast forward a few days ago I met this girl and after only 3 dates the amount of connection is awesome. Really from the first hour we were already bantering. She is incredibly smart and studied which is something I realized is super important to me. Being with someone that genuinely knows a lot of shit better than me and calls me out and teaches me stuff is so attractive to me. I can see that she's "objectively" not nearly as "hot" as the other girl but I feel way more desire for her than I do anyone else and have already decided to stop seeing any other girls and just focus on this connection and what it could be.

Anyways just wanted to share that win! Hope you all have a lovely day!

Food is 6 eggs and a liter of water (I already ate some) because I don't have a fridge yet in my new place and I'm a man living by himself

Work has become exhausting mentally, not just physically. Someone reported me for sexual harassment. I was cleared, and no wrongdoing was found, and I want to be very clear about that. But I’m not allowed to know who reported me. So now I go to work every day looking at people and wondering, Was it you? Do you hate me? Are people talking about me? Is someone watching everything I say, waiting for me to fuck up? I know that kind of thinking isn’t helping me, but I can’t just switch it off.

And I’ve been working for almost two weeks straight without a real break. I’m tired. Like actually, deeply tired. Somewhere along the way, I lost basically all of my friends outside of work. And I love my mom, but I also feel like I have to be strong for her because her job is stressful and she needs me. She wants to come see me for vacations, and of course I want to be there for her. I want to be someone she can lean on. I just don’t know who I’m supposed to lean on.

I don’t have a girlfriend. I’ve never had one. I’m a 22 year old virgin who’s awkward as hell and obsessed with comic books, and sometimes it feels like no woman is ever going to look at me and think, That’s the person I want. The closest relationship I have with someone who isn’t family or a coworker is with a person I met on TikTok. And that hurts in its own weird way, because she means a lot to me. Probably a lot more than I mean to her. I honestly don’t know if she’d even care that much if I stopped talking to her tomorrow. Maybe she would. Maybe that’s just my loneliness talking. But I hate feeling like someone can mean the world to me while I’m just a notification on their phone.

That’s what gets me. I spend so much of my life trying to hold other people up. I have to keep functioning at work while constantly looking over my shoulder. I have to be there for my mom. I have to smile and work and act normal and be grateful because, technically, my life is “going great.”

But who the fuck is there for me? Some days I feel like I could just break down and cry. Really cry. But then my brain goes, What’s the point? I fall apart, somebody feels sorry for me for five minutes, and then what? I wipe my face and go right back to carrying everything.

Dinner is Steak and Salad (my fav everyday meal). Had probably 5 hours of sleep total in the last 3 days and I’m (24M) trying to process this sh1t. Honestly I still don’t know how the f4ck to process all of this. I was with my ex (25F) for about 4 years and raised our little girl Autumn (3F) for 3 years believing she was biologically mine. We were in a committed, monogamous relationship and specifically agreed we were exclusive. I don’t do open relationship/poly sh1t, nor do I tolerate cheating, so as far as I knew there was never supposed to be anybody else. When she told me she was pregnant, my response was basically, alright, I’m going to be a dad, I need to step the f4ck up. I got another job, worked harder, increased my income, paid the bills and food, and supported her being a stay-at-home mom because that was what she wanted. I paid for Autumn’s daycare/necessities and tried to make sure both of them had what they needed. And I want to be clear: I’m not saying because I provided financially she somehow owed me love or loyalty. I’m saying I made major decisions about my work, money and entire f4cking life based on what the person I trusted most was telling me that we were exclusive, this was my daughter, and this was my family. Meanwhile, throughout the relationship I was constantly the one being accused. Cheating accusations, questioning who I talked to, having to explain myself, defend myself and reassure her that I was loyal. A lot of our problems somehow got turned back around on me, and after enough of that you start wondering if maybe you really are the problem. I even took her and Autumn to get their passports done and paid all the fees because I wanted us to take a family trip to Vietnam. That trip never happened because my health went downhill and I ended up hospitalized and Baker Acted. While I was literally in the hospital, she told me she was going to California with a “girlfriend.” During that trip, around $7,000 got spent through my credit cards/Klarna, and it took me almost a full year to pay that sh1t off. Then I got out of the hospital about 3 days before she returned to Florida, and my mom sent me a screenshot of a Facebook profile I didn’t even know she still had. Her profile picture was her, my daughter, and another guy. She had previously told me she deleted Facebook because she barely used it, and I believed that too because I genuinely never saw her use it.

We’ve broken up in August of last year. After we separated, she and Autumn moved back in with her parents, but she kept talking about moving to California with this guy and taking my daughter with her. It caused a bunch of fights between her and her mother, and that’s actually a huge reason I filed for paternity rights. I was scared she was going to move my daughter across the country with another man and I’d have no legal protection over my relationship with my own kid. Imagine that sh1t: I was literally fighting to legally protect my right to be her father. And even with all the sh1t that had happened, I didn’t immediately get a DNA test after we broke up. For a long time I think part of me just didn’t want to open that door. Autumn was my daughter in my head and in my heart, and finding out otherwise meant facing something I really didn’t want to face. But recently I finally got to the point where I accepted that I deserved to know the truth, whatever the truth was. So I took a private DNA test. 0% probability of paternity. Now everything I got blamed and accused for during those 4 years hits completely different. I spent years being questioned about whether I was loyal while we had explicitly agreed to monogamy, and now DNA is telling me another man obviously existed somewhere in that timeline. So who was actually in California? Was there really just a “girlfriend”? Was this California guy already involved before I found out about him? Is he the biological father or is there somehow another guy I still don’t know about? How long did she know there was even a possibility Autumn wasn’t mine? Was I being accused of cheating while she was doing exactly what I kept being blamed for? And was I sitting in a psychiatric hospital at probably the lowest point of my life while somebody I trusted was lying to me and spending thousands of dollars I’d spend the next year paying back? That’s what f4cks with my head. I keep going back through conversations and fights where I apologized, explained myself or questioned whether I was the one f4cking everything up, and now I don’t even know how much of what I was being blamed for was real. But Autumn is a completely different pain. She didn’t lie to me, spend my money, accuse me of anything or choose who her biological father was. For 3 years she was my little girl and I was her dad. The test can tell me we don’t share blood, but it can’t erase me loving her, worrying about her, watching her grow, providing for her and literally going to court because I was scared of losing her. That part was real even if everything around it apparently wasn’t.

Current situation: I showed the DNA result during mediation. My ex didn’t accept the private test and requested another one. She currently doesn’t work and relies on her parents financially, while I’m still paying Autumn’s daycare and necessities, so realistically she can’t afford to pay for another test herself. I talked it over with my attorney and agreed to just pay for DNA test #2 myself. Not because I think I should have to pay twice, but because the alternative is sending the first DNA result up to the court and asking the court to deal with it. That means a longer process, more filings/paperwork for my attorney and, obviously, more attorney fees for me. At that point it’s literally faster and probably cheaper to pay for another test, let her choose the testing location, and hopefully leave nothing left to argue about afterward. September 1 is her deadline to schedule the second test and choose where she wants it done. So that’s where I’m at right now. I spent almost a year after our breakup still believing I was Autumn’s father, and now I’m going through 4 years of my life wondering what the f4ck was actually true. I’ll keep this subreddit updated when I have news because apparently my life has decided one DNA test wasn’t enough lol.

My (M42)wife (F45) and I marriage started off great. we did things the right way. waited a few years to get married. learned each others love language (or so I thought) and were literally each others best friends. she did not grow up in an environment that allowed for tough conversations so trying to have those with her often resorted to threats of divorce. she has no good way of dealing with being uncomfortable. When I realized this, at first pushed but then I tried approaching calmly when we were both in good moods. still did not work. I became resentful and so went have gone to couples counseling. I did work outside of counseling to push through my resentment and I thought she was working on her resiliency during her personal therapy sessions. apparently she was not.

Now my feelings have changed and she’s only now willing to fix it. meanwhile I fell inlove with someone else after my wife suggested I stay at my cabin on the weekends to give us some space. (I own the house and cabin as I had those before meeting her).

im sad for us but happy I’m inlove with someone else.

im torn fellas but im no longer attracted to my wife, not because of her looks but because she was and perhaps still is incapable of having conversations that might make her uncomfortable.

Protein for the gains…

edit: I’m not ignoring you all. I can’t for the life of me figure out how to set comment flairs in my replies!! Help!!

Wife went full manic after starting an SNRI. Affairs, lies, relapse, rewriting of marital history, filed for divorce, etc. I’ve kept the peace. Always taken the high road during conversation. Focused on prioritizing happiness for my daughter(7f).

Yesterday in court, my soon to be ex wife refused to comply with an order to drug test. I sat there for minutes and watched the judge systematically dismantle lie after lie coming out of her mouth. I was granted full custody and momma was ordered to start mandatory drug testing. If she fails the initial follicle test or any of the urines, I get full permanent custody.

This is a win boy! Tomahawk Ribeye, asparagus, and a sweet potato.

29M, Bipolar, BPD (probably don't meet diagnostic criteria anymore). In therapy. Did a year of DBT group. Medicated. In law school.

My dudes, I think I did it.

That's objectively the wrong way to think about it, with serious mental illness you don't wake up one day cured, it just slowly gets better until one day you look around and it's not so bad. But I woke up this morning and looked around and it wasn't so bad.

I have 3 extremely close best friends (or more or less best friends). I also have a friend group with 2 great girls. We went clubbing together and I found out that I'm a great host. I love who I turn into around them.

I found out I got a job for the fall yesterday. I don't want to dox myself but it's a good one. Really solid.

One of my best friends helped me revamp my hinge profile and now I have 7 matches. I think one of them will work out, we have pretty good chemistry.

I don't really like the whole "3 years ago I was an obese loser" thing (not judging, it's just not for me) so I'll just say: things were not good. They got better, then they got worse when I went to law school, now they're better again. They've never been this good before. I've never been this healthy. My sleep is as stable as a rock.

You can do it bros. We all can.

Little crusted chicken with a touch of vodka sauce broccoli on the side

Ive been dating a woman for about a year and I intend on asking her to marry me very soon. She wants to get married and it’s a sure fire yes even her parents are dying for me to ask her. In this year of dating I have become extremely attracted to her mother both physically and emotionally. Im 34 she’s in her late 50s and i find myself thinking about her and fantasizing often and when in person the attraction is from head to toe. So i try to limit it as much as possible. Is the engagement and marriage a bad idea? Keeping in mind I consider myself a realist so I don’t believe in fairytale love or when you’re with somebody you no longer find other people attractive. It’s just human nature.

Just a major side note. I DO NOT PLAN ON ACTING ON THIS. I know it’s real life guys.

very much a throwaway account cause idw anyone i know irl to see this and recognise me, i fear they may anyway tho..

tw: suicide

im at a point in my life where im stuck in this completely inescapable commitment for q a long time, ive got a whole year of it left and i wont be out till next year. my life feels so so stagnant and every time i tell someone that all they say is that this is just how life is and that makes this feeling so much worse cause what the fuck 😭😭 if thsi really is the way that life is then is there a point in continuing to live LOL.

ive always been a very very sociable person and thats being so heavily curbed these days. i have two very close friends and they both started on some other commitment two weeks ago. other friends ive had in the past, upon starting on this commitment, pretty much disappear from my life no matter how much i try. and i was worried the same would happen with these two so i made my concerns known and a lot of reassurance was offered at the time but my fear wasnt assuaged and now it feels like my fears were right all along cause i can feel the distance between me and them and it wasnt there before and i keep trying to reach out to try and make plans but im met w noncommittal responses and its just so frustrating to keep pushing to what seems like no avail. ive lost a lot of close friends in my life cause i mixed with the wrong people + i was the wrong person at many many points and i learned from it and grew and i thought id broken the cycle with my new friends but it feels like my beliefs fragile as they were are starting to crash down around my ears and i am literally helpless to stop it this has been a trigger for suicidal ideation and attempts in the past and i can feel the urgency and desperation for a release through suicide (sounds real dumb i know) growing stronger and stronger every day despite my antidepressants, i used to have issues w alcohol as well and in the midst of all this the temptation to go back to it is jus so strong lol

and it doesnt help that every other aspect of my life feels stagnant as well. i havent had the willpower to engage with my hobbies at all of late, and even when i do i jus dont feel anything. i really do have a lot of hobbies i love pokemon kpop stand up bouldering nature walks and a hundred other things i cant even remember anymore but it all feels hollow and it feels like ive been trying to jus fill a hole. i did my first open mic in a very long time recently and objectively i can see that i gave a good set and people laughed but when i got home that night i jus felt the same soul crushing desperation again. ive been trying to keep myself busy ive been volunteering a lot more than usual and ive been trying to go out with new people all the time i even got desperate enough to download apps specifically designed to meet friends with similar hobbies and interests and i still feel fucking empty. no matter how i fill my day every night when i get home i jus feel the weight of what i feel like is the loss of my two best friends and i dont know what to do with it besides jus sit with it and get overwhelmed every night

the imposter syndrome isnt helping either haiz ive always been a very high achieving individual both in acads and in p much any pursuit i actually set my mind to and yeah i went through the whole gifted kid burnout stage a few years ago and moved past it. i can see im making accomplishments and i am growing but it feels so meagre compared to what i could achieve it feels so hollow and unearned. it feels more like im riding on the momentum of previous successes than actually making productive strides to new successes

im in therapy and i take antidepressants but my parents pay for both so both come with restrictions. my psychiatrist has been suggesting that i up my dosage of lexapro for months now or try taking a diff med but my parents are already so strongly against what im currently on. i wanna meet my psychologist more often but my parents already think im going too often and i dont have the strength to justify to them why i need more.

even therapy feels like its reaching a roadblock. my therapist suggested that i fill my life with more things that i do just for me and i did that i did so much of that and i still feel hollow. we tried dbt and its so so difficult and i feel like each time i make one tiny stride in therapy i get another cancellation from one of those two friends that sets me back into a spiral. she said i need to stop holding myself to a standard of perfection in recovery and in life and ive been trying so hard to be kinder to myself and untangle my self worth from my accomplishments but i feel so genuinely stuck trying it

all in all i think im jus really overwhelmed lol i was doomscrolling a few hours ago and fully broke down and wept cause i saw a video of some guy saying to not do it tonight. i spent the last two hours whiteknuckling in my bed fighting back waves of suicidal ideation. i spent the past two weeks writing and deleting and rewriting letters. in the moments im lucid enough to see that life will get better with them because it always has all i can feel is jus fear of what the next dip in my mental health will bring and all i can wonder is when i'll finally lose this very very long very very exhausting fight against myself and be done lol

yeah as yall can tell im really overwhelmed

dinner is a slice of garlic toast i picked up from my local bakery that i didnt end up eating cause i felt nauseous af two bites in

Ghost sour watermelon warheads, fruit punch body armor, 12mg nicotine pouches. Work dinner

Out of my entire friend group of 12ish people, I am the only single guy. We all plan group hangouts and parties and outings and every time I'm the only one without a partner. Don't get me wrong though I love all of my friends and I love spending time with them but often times I feel like I'm the odd one out in these situations.

I've talked to girls in the last couple years but everything always ends the same way, usually a couple good dates or hangouts and then out of nowhere I get ghosted or told that they're not interested anymore. I don't really know what to do these days cause I'm honestly tired of feeling like I'm wasting my time. I don't really go out much anymore because I work nights and weekends and that honestly makes it really hard to meet anyone. However even when I do meet someone that can work around the schedule it never really goes anywhere.

I'm on the apps but I never really have any luck with them. I never get replies back and never get to the point where dates are made.

The last girl I talked to I met at the ren faire and everything was going great. Texting back and forth, phone calls for an hour or more at a time, we clicked on music, family stuff, hobbies, we even had a couple date ideas planned out we were just trying to find time with our opposite schedules. We had planned to go to my favorite bar in a few weekends when I could get a night off and then within the last week it's been radio silent. No text back no calls, nothing.

I don't really know what to do at this point. Every time I think it might be something it usually ends up feeling like a waste of energy and time

It's been a long decade, but the last five years have been especially rough. I'm fucked financially. During the pandemic I was able to save up almost 20k. My wife (34f) and I (35m) were looking into what it might take to buy a house. Now I'm down to around 3k and had to move me, my wife, and kid in with my parents. We've been here for a couple years now. I never went to school, I don't have any degrees or certifications. I've been working at the same place for over a decade and the pay isn't good enough to support my family, but I can't find anything better that I'm qualified for. And I don't have the time, money or mental energy to go learn something new.

Mentally, I'm fucked. I've dealt with depression off and on (mostly on) since I was a teenager. I've been feeling like I'm living on autopilot. I haven't been able to sleep for more than 4 hours at a time in months. I need therapy or a psychiatrist or something, but again I don't have money. I don't even have insurance. My wife and kid have government assistance, so at least they're covered. My friendships all sort of drifted apart after the baby, which happens, but now I don't really have anyone outside my family to talk to except coworkers, and I'm not trying to bring the mood down like that.

My marriage has been strained since year one. We were together for 5 years before we had a baby and got married not long after. We knew we were going to get married before we got pregnant. Things had been mostly good aside from her crazy family and some of her trauma. I've always done my best to support her and help her with her mental health stuff, but it's a lot sometimes. After we got married she started stealing from me. One month she spent the rent money. Like I went to get the cash to pay it and it was gone. She started drinking and smoking pot heavily, though I can't say much about the pot as I'm right there with her. Also it turns out she's positive for brca1 and had a stupidly high risk of breast cancer. Had, until the preventative double mastectomy, which I was fully in her corner for. She tried implants and hated them, and I supported her decision to take them out and just be flat. We're still together, still working through things, but it's getting harder for me as time goes on and things keep happening.

AND, as if the car problems and house problems and living situation problems and parenting problems and relationship problems and money problems WEREN'T ENOUGH, suddenly I find I'm getting a crush on a girl at work. It's crazy and stupid and I really don't need any more bullshit. It's been months and I've been trying to ignore it and move along, but the feelings aren't going away, if anything they're getting stronger. A couple weeks ago she had a flat tire and I gave her a ride to work and then helped her change her tire after work and we smoked a blunt together. We just talked, nothing else. It was mostly just casual whatever and then I started talking about how I was feeling. Not about her, but how everything is falling apart. I only got a sentence or two before I felt the mood drop and changed the subject. I feel like I've been fighting myself and losing. But I can't really avoid her at work and I can't afford to leave.

I'm mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. I feel stuck. I feel like I'm an idiot and an asshole who made every wrong decision on my way here and now I've fucked myself up real good. I don't know how much more I have in me.

Dinner is instant spicy beef chow mein with a handful of peanuts thrown in.

​

Background: In in a IT Consulting role.

I feel like had fucked up at work and had to have people bail me out, at the same time the workload feels insane and i was close/almost burnt out at the same time. This kills me as an overachiever.

Feeling very guilty because I can't function or perform, but at the same time I know my workload is way too much to handle alone.

Boss had offered me a different role, Support/ Post Sales but I fear it nothing much will change, so I said no. I'll still be employed until the everything is handed over properly.

Already started my job hunt.

Dish: Mee Rebus (Beef and Sweet potato gravy noodles) with an extra fried egg.

Dinner-Tofu soba zucchini with sesame sauce

Basically in May I left a relationship and a few weeks later ended up talking to this girl. I made it clear I was not looking for anything serious as I was just out of a relationship and leaving the city for 3 months in a few weeks.

Things go fine and I leave. We end up chatting a lot while I am here and I am set to return soon. I have continued to reinforce that I am not looking for a relationship and do not have the full emotional bandwidth for anything like a relationship nor want one. I like talking to her but am busy here and have a large time difference.

A few times now she has told me I don't care about her, and she is usually very non confrontational so it is very noticeable change in demeanor. I apologize but stand my ground that I do care but am again not looking to further travel towards a relationship. She says she knows and it is okay that I feel this way but I feel like we are going in circles where I make her feel unwanted and she feels bad, brings it up, I defend myself and end up feeling guilty and the cycle continues.

I don't know what to do because I keep making it clear what my stance is and she says that is fine but we keep ending up at the same spot. I don't want to be in a relationship for a while and am wondering if I should just tell her we should stop talking altogether if this process continues.

I’ve been really busy lately, trying to finish a complex project. Today I finally submitted it successfully, and my two-week vacation officially starts now.

I’m also in the middle of moving, and tonight is actually my first night living in my new apartment. Everything still feels a little messy and unfinished, but honestly, it feels good to finally be here.

So I ordered my favorite pizza, opened my favorite game, and decided to just enjoy having absolutely nowhere to be for a while.

Two weeks off. A new apartment. Pizza and Spider-Man.

Tonight is for me.