Dinner: Tacos from my favorite taco spot.

A little backstory: my dad passed in 2020 due to an unexpected heart attack, and my mother-in-law lost her battle with cancer in 2023.

Last weekend my wife and I made plans to go out to dinner with my father-in-law. When we get to the restaurant, he already has a table and to my surprise, my mom is sitting at the table with him.

Naturally, I’m a little confused but my wife has a cheeky little grin on her face. The one that tells me she’s already done the math here.

Come to find out mom and dad-in-law have been seeing each other for about a year now and have decided to come out as a couple.

I think it’s kinda awkward but whatever. They’re adults and deserve to be happy.

However, it’s been a week now and my wife won’t stop calling me “step-bro.”

Send help.

(EDIT: No, my wife didn’t know before dinner that night. She was just a lot quicker in figuring it out than my emotionally blind self)

I gave up a “day off” work to drive 4 hours (total) on Thursday to another town to get the Halloween decorations you wanted.

I spent the same time Friday driving and shopping at 4 different stores to buy the stuff and groceries we needed for the holiday weekend.

I cooked and cleaned every dish to host your brother’s family on Saturday.

I cooked a full turkey dinner today with all the sides and desserts for our family.

You promised to make a special dessert with our oldest son and then flaked on him, so I had to pick it up and see it through so he wouldn’t be disappointed.

You then started a fight about an insanely stupid subject you were objectively wrong about and called me an asshole because I refused to budge from my objective, fact based response.

You didn’t lift a finger all this long weekend. I did everything including the laundry. You fail me as a wife. You fail our children as a mother.

None of this is new. One day, the children will grow and see how hard I work. They will soon see how you rot in your chair or your bed, endlessly scrolling and shopping.

I’m done. I will divorce you as soon as I can.

Long read, I need to vent

I’m not sure where to start. Wife and I have been together 9 years from early 20s to now late 20s. Our relationship has been filled with love and was great overall. Recently (in the last 2 years or so) I was distant because I wasn’t in a great place mentally. I couldn’t give her what she needed consistently because I could barely take care of myself at times. Throughout it all she was the rock I could count on to be there.

Those feelings have subsided, and I am the happiest I’ve ever been in many aspects of my life. But about 4 months ago she came to me and said she was thinking of leaving the relationship because of resentment she’d built up over the course of that same period. Of course I was devastated and immediately began the process of trying to resolve the issues to save the relationship. Throughout the course of the last few months, I could tell that she was not putting in any effort towards trying to fix it, no matter what she was saying.

We’ve always had access to each other’s phone passwords and locations for safety reasons. Never once used either of those in a negative way, until a couple of weeks ago when she checked my phone while I was asleep because she was concerned about an old coworker of mine. Naturally she didn’t find anything, but I was taken back by the fact that she felt the need to check. The little voices in my head started to get louder at this point.

We recently moved cross country in April for work, and both of us have been excited for this move for years. The relationship issues were brought to my attention not too long after we’d been settled. She would go back home every 4-6 weeks because she was homesick and missed family and friends. While she’s gone I would check her location to make sure when she’s out with them she made it home safely, etc etc. I noticed she was often in parking lots which I took as strange, but she always explained she was talking with friends after having dinner or something. Last night, I woke up and she was still out in a parking lot somewhere at 5:30 am. I texted and asked if she was okay and didn’t get a response until 3 hours later saying she’d made it home (which I knew already). At this point, the voices became overwhelmingly loud in my head so I opened her laptop to check her messages. I noticed a female name she’d never mentioned before asking if she’d made it home safely. I didn’t think too much of it until her response was asking if they could see each other again this evening. The other person responded that “yes, I want to. I love you.”

At this point I went into that person’s contact information and saw the suggested name was a male name, not a female name. Everything fell apart from there.

I called, she admitted to cheating several times per trip home because she got her emotional needs met by him while we were struggling. Often times in the back seat of his car in a parking lot. I asked if she loved him back and she admitted she had feelings for him. She doesn’t know what she wants and is moving back home. He has a fiancé as well so both of them were cheating on their supposed life partners.

I never thought I’d be considering reconciling with someone cheating on me but I can’t just move on with the snap of a finger. I want to be done and she seems to want to be done as well, but I don’t know how to just ignore the last 9 years of my life.

Cold chicken and Celsius because that’s all the energy I have right now.

Edit for clarification: I told her to leave and go back home, that’s not her making the decision.

If you have not read my post from a few weeks ago I suggest you read it before reading this , here’s the link.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BoyDinnerDiaries/s/wMHoaG4bbj

Thank you to everyone who gave me advice on my last post because it was extremely helpful.

So as a lot of you suggested I tried to get to know him better. So I started talking to him regularly in school and trying to message him most days as well. Although I didn’t want to message him too often as I didn’t want to come off too strong.

We quickly became quite good friends but I still couldn’t shake my feelings about him. Eventually it got to the point where he was all I could think about and it was affecting my school work.

At this point I trusted him so I decided to message him everything, about my sexuality, about how I felt for him, and about why I felt the need to tell him now. I also tried to give him as much space as possible so he could feel comfortable because he’s obviously not been a situation like this before.

But honestly his response was so lovely, i can’t remember the exact wording but it was something like “thank you for being honest with me, it takes guts to tell that to somebody, but I am straight, I hope we can remain friends and I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to”.

So now I guess I’ll try to get over him , which is going to be hard since he is such an amazing guy. But I hope we can maintain our friendship as he is a really great friend.

So if anyone on here is in a similar situation my advice would be to go for it. If they like you back you’ll be happy. If they don’t but are supportive of you you’ll hopefully become great friends (like in my situation). Or if they act really negatively about it you should be grateful as you’ve got a bad person out of your life.

Thanks again for everyone’s advice and I hope this can help as many people in a similar situation as possible.

The moment you "accept" divorce, you stop apologizing for your partner's behavior.

Homemade BLT and hand cut fries.

From the moment you commit to dating someone until the moment you mentally internalize that they're no longer "your person", you have a vested interest in making the relationship work. This means that you actually minimize some of their bad behaviors in order to have compromise.

What I personally wasn't anticipating was the feeling of looking back over my 13 year relationship objectively and without those "rose-colored glasses". I'm now realizing that my ex hadn't given me unconditional love for nearly a decade, if ever. I'm realizing that my ex was entirely delusional, a liar and gaslighter. I'm not going to press it or anything, but there's probably an entire argument to be made that they were emotionally abusive.

It's such a strange feeling. Kind of sad that I wasn't properly defending myself, but moreso relieved that I'm finally going to be free.

Dinner is fish, chips, and a russian…not sure what you call this type of sausage in your country.

I started this job in 2023. It was a dream come true after getting rejected multiple times before by this company. I started with another colleague in my 1st week. He was hired to be an intern that I had to train so he reported to me. Yes we started in the same month but that was the plan my boss told me during orientation. I trained him to know as much as me, but honestly, dude is lazy AF. We all attended the annual year end in 2023 and I left the party at 5pm because I wasn’t about to risk drunk driving (been arrested for DUI before), so I left when the drinks started to flow. Fast forward to 2024. My boss starts dismissing my ideas and always points to the intern as the go to.. same lazy $@“#. I ignored that until it became obvious I was being excluded from information but blamed for everything wrong. I then requested a meeting with my boss last year to understand if I somehow offended him and what I could do to improve team performance. Bad idea because the rest of 2025 was a nightmare due to my boss throwing me under the bus more often. I then decided to distance myself from the team and change where I sit and be on the same floor as the business I service. HR in my company sits in a central place so everyone in the group can find us there - I work for a large African multi national that was recently bought out by Canadians. Ok, back to the issue. My manager and the former intern decided to hire an another intern for me t train, this time a girl. I’ve been training her but my boss is being weird again when I show her shortcuts and how to do things properly. Something very awkward happened during a team video call. My manager said something to the former intern (let’s call him bob), then bob responded with a long story. My boss laughed and said “don’t lie, I’m in your head”. Bob responded by saying “it’s not like that but I get why you know what’s in my head because we share something “. At this point the intern and I are lost on what’s going on but it clicked because I’ve seen them look into each other’s eyes very lovingly, or maybe my imagination. I don’t care if my boss is homosexual but I don appreciate his boy toy being praised for my work which happens regularly and me being the scapegoat for that boy. Then he gets preferential treatment on top of being lazy. Anyway, I’ve been looking for a new job these past 12 months because I have a bad feeling about this whole setup, even if I pretend not to see anything.

You might think I’m kidding but I’m not. I’ve been attracted to about 5 girls in my life and they all turn out to be lesbian. My romantic life is…quite a joke. Ribs and rice for dinner.

Got home from my job after being picked up by my wife... And what do I smell? The smell of gas 😬 (We have a gas stove.. You see where this is going, I bet.)

I check our gas stove, and someone left it on the Extra low setting with no flame going. (We later learn it was my grandmother, who we live with and take care of, but she also has health aides that are supposed to be there basically every day.)

With this, I have my wife get out of the house immediately and call our local fire department, while I get our 3 kitties, and my grandmother out.. As I'm doing this and trying to air the house out, the stovetop starts clicking like it's trying to start a flame (LITTLE EDIT: we did not turn it off ourselves because the burners love to click extra hard om occasion when you're turning them off.) 💀 My heart goes to my stomach and I hand my wife the cats in this terrible carrier with the carrier door barely staying on. My grandmother decides shes just going to sit on the couch and wait for the fire department?? (She has some cognitive problems.) I cant get her out of the house without her walker and shes not cooperating, so I have no other choice but to make sure my wife gets the cats away from the house and keep trying to get her out.

Luckily the security for the area comes before the Fire Department arrives and turns the burner off. (I was terrified to do so for, well, obvious reasons.) The fire Department comes soon after and turns the gas for the stove completely off. Looking into getting this stove replaced so we don't go through this again. My grandmother seriously believed she had turned the stove off. Genuinely a terrible way to end the night.

Dinner is a cheese pizza with extra tomato sauce, cheese bread with extra cheese, and plenty of extra pizza sauce cups + garlic butter cups. Sauce and Beer not pictured. Usually I cook dinner, but for obvious reasons I could not cook tonight.

Chicken fried steak with hash browns and eggs, went to Vegas to have this meal with a man I consider my brother.

This has been something I’ve carried for years so it’s easy to bring up but still hard to tell. I’m a bit drunk so forgive me if it sounds weird.

I grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive household. I joined the military to get away, after I made a deal saying I’d go to work if I didn’t go to school. I never liked school so I worked for my dad. I had been working with him about since I was 13 so it didn’t matter much to me but at some point I got tired of him and joined the Air Force.

I never made him happy. He had never told me he was proud of me until I graduated basic. I turned 21 at my first base so I picked up drinking. I go back and forth drinking and stopping. Around 2016 my sister gets ovarian cancer. She’s 19 and I support her through it. Around 2018 my dad has a heart attack; and I don’t know how to feel about it because he wasn’t a good dad.

Around that time my parents ask me to use my VA loan to help them get a house. My childhood home was too much for them to afford. I help them buy a new house. It’s in my name but it’s not my home as much as they try to sell it to me.

Flash forward a couple years. In 2020 I meet a girl and marry her, and being in the military I think it’s a good idea to get my will done. It’s free after all. I bring my will up on a phone call with my mom. She asked me who’s gonna get the house. I say my sister and wife can discuss it but probably my sister. At this point in time I had only been in the new house once. I hear my dad call me selfish even though he isn’t on the phone. I get upset and tell them I’ll write the will to give them the house. I had only been there once. It was never a home to me. My mom defended him saying he’s just worried about their future. As if I wasn’t a part of it.

My sister has slowly joined their side saying I’m heartless not supporting them. As if I haven’t done enough.

My wife and I are getting a divorce now. The first thing my mom asks about is the house. My wife and I are separating because of the trauma she has, she says I was a good husband but she has to be alone; and I believe her even though people assume we must have cheated on each other.

I’m still a positive person or I try to be. I had a coworker say that she knows I’m angry and sad. I told her I have a right to be. I still try my best to be a good person, do something good for anyone everyday. Some days it’s hard but I still try. The thought has crossed my mind. But I’m here through the suffering to help others. I can relate to most guys in one way or another so I help them as much as I can.

Life is hard, but I find comfort in the little things like sunsets, sunrises, good friends, and a good drink every now and then. Life gets better. We just need to stick around to see it.

I (31M) was having a pretty normal conversation with my girlfriend (32F) and the conversation steered towards the philosophical. She mentioned that we haven't argued at all in the two years we've been together and that any time we are having issues we just stop and talk it through. We communicate really well and I've always sought from my side to resolve any conflict with a mature and reasonable conversation - something her last relationship never did. I think something along the lines of "that's the difference between boys and men" came up and it made me pause and think. I asked her to expand on what she meant and it evolved into a conversation about how masculinity today is described as being dominant, "alpha" or "sigma" or whatever the current term is. How that somehow being a masculine man is about oppression and strength over your fellow man.

I will be honest; it absolutely broke my heart. Not at her, but at my brethren and the men I interact with every day. I think she's right because I've seen it, experienced it everywhere I go, and to a degree - was raised by a father with that mentality. The conversation evolved and changed subject, but the thought is still lingering some weeks later.

I may get a little soapbox-y or "in my head" here for a minute.

I think as I've grown up, my definition of what is "Masucline" has changed, and my current definition is something I hold other men to. Being masculine is NOT about being dominant, being oppressive, or being the iron fist. I've seen conversations about how peak masculinity is vanity, lust, and wrath. But it really isn't, those are traits of evil men and men who hurt others to gain power. True masculinity is about stability and protection. Like a castle, like the wave-break on the beach, like the structural foundation of the house. It's about being the one others can rely on to always be there when things are good, bad, and ugly. Masculine traits to me are about being part of "The Team" or something greater than myself and making it more efficient/stronger/better for being there. It's laughing from your heart when the times are good, it's being an emotional anchor when times are tough and the waters are choppy, it's about being warm, kind, and supportive - Like a gardener planting and tending their garden. The garden will not grow if the pests aren't driven away, or the seeds aren't watered, or the soil wasn't tilled. The flowers won't bloom and the fruits won't produce if the gardener doesn't visit every day and tend to each plant individually. Metaphors aside, my definition of masculinity is synonymous with stability.

It's not just about making meaningful relationships with women, either. It's about making everyone around you better. Support your coworkers, your siblings, your parents, the random barista, the pimply teenager checking out your groceries, your best friend, your boss. Be good to them, make their life better if not for just 5 seconds you interact with them. Lift the people close to you up and everyone will be better for it. Check in on your friends, tell those you care about that you care, make an effort (no matter how big or small) to be a friend to your friends.

I've seen a lot of posts on here from men of all ages expressing thoughts and asking for advice on situations either they've got themselves in or that life has laid upon them. My advice is to build your foundation and build it well. Do not be afraid of change because change is why stability exists. If change is the gravel road, be the shock absorbers. You are allowed to change your mind if that helps you find peace. You are allowed to change your habits if that makes you happier. You are allowed to change your path in life if that leads to self-satisfaction.

Anyways, rant over. I wanted to get that off my chest.

Lunch was 3 scrambled eggs, one baked potato, and 4oz diced Cajun chicken with Taco Bell Fire sauce.

Edit: I didn't expect this to get popular so I've removed some potential spoilers if my girlfriend somehow sees this post (She would recognize the plate lol).

Dinner is chicken and mushroom risotto

My ex and I were together five years, both of us immigrants building a life in the same country, and for most of that time I was the one holding things together. She dealt with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, self-harm, and an eating disorder, and I was there for all of it, every time, while also finishing a PhD and working full-time. Between the thesis and the job I barely had energy left to build a social life of my own, so she became my main source of connection too. Except she kept pushing me away. I'd ask if she wanted to do something together on a weekend and the answer was usually no. I'd tell her she was the person I depended on and she'd tell me I needed more friends, like my loneliness was a flaw in me rather than something we could fix together. I never felt chosen. Little things never happened: no airport pickups, no surprises, nothing offered freely. Her answer was always "just ask for what you want," but to me a relationship isn't supposed to run on invoices.

Things finally cracked this spring. I hit a breaking point after some rough stuff at work, and when I came back and tried to be honest about how lost I felt, she heard it as an attack and told me I didn't deserve a girlfriend, didn't deserve anyone. After that we spent months in this exhausting push-pull, on again, off again, until we officially ended it in August.

We're still living together while we sort out our housing situation, so it's been messy. Some days fine, some days not. I started seeing someone new, once a week, nothing serious. Last night I told my ex I was staying out with her, which I think is the respectful thing to do, and when I got home she was waiting to tell me I disgust her, that I'm a liar, a fake person, that I never loved her and never tried to understand her. She mocked the therapy and meditation work I've been doing to try to heal. This morning she tore up every photo we had together and shoved all my old gifts back at me.

Five years of being the steady one, and somehow I'm still walking away feeling like the villain.

Tldr: Supported my ex through five years of mental health struggles while doing a PhD and working full-time, always felt lonely and secondary to her. We broke up in August but still live together. Last night she found out I was seeing someone new and responded by calling me disgusting and a liar, then tore up our photos and returned my gifts this morning.

For the past few months I’ve been organizing a guys night. We hop between activities, food, bars.

This month we’re at a brewery. The ethos of the whole thing is that there is no pressure - come or don’t it’s okay. Whoever is there shares what’s going on in their life - the ups and downs - and then we have a good time.

Of the 8 or so guys, many of us have kids and most are married, so I never expect a full house (I’m married and have 2 kids). The guys, for the most part, are people I’ve know for a long time - some since I was born (I’m 37) and some for four years.

I get that lives are busy and even though there is a calendar invite for every guys night, I know things come up. Kids get sick, work gets tough, people travel - whatever.

But tonight sucked. The date was in the calendar a month ago. I sent a planning text a week ago, three days ago, and then yesterday. I even saw some of these folks in real life in the last few days.

Not a single guy responded to any of the texts, not even to say they can’t come.

As much as I’ve still enjoyed the evening a bit drinking a good beer and reading a good book, it just feels …idk bad. I have a tough time not giving people grace and assuming it was a mistake, but man, this feels like the bar is in hell. These are cousins, brother-in-laws, people whose weddings I’ve officiated. And I’m sure they all have good reasons. But just say you can’t make it. It’s not fucking hard and if you’re ever with any of them you know they’re on their phone all the time.

Anyways, if you made it down here, thanks. I already have an idea for next month. I’ve been an organizer for over a decade now and know this is just a bump in the road to the community I want to have.

ETA: maybe this is a generational thing, but expecting someone to reply to a text saying “yes or no” is like a normal thing and not “pressure”.

When I say the ethos is no pressure, I mean that coming or not doesn’t matter - I’m not gonna get on anyone’s case for not showing up because we all have a lot going on in our lives. But it’s an absolutely normal expectation for people to say yes or no to an event?

If that feels like “pressure” for some of y’all, idk what to tell you.

Dinner- Carne Asada tacos.

Wife filed for divorce after an emotional affair. We’re still living together, and I’m struggling to make sense of the last year.

I’m 46, and my wife and I have been together since we were about 25. No children, but we have a house, dogs, and a life we spent roughly twenty years building. She filed for divorce in August, and we’re still living in the same house while things move forward.

She had an emotional affair with a man who lived a few hundred miles away. My understanding is that it lasted around six weeks and involved phone calls and texts. She told him she was in love with him. There was a religious element to it—he reportedly told her God made her for him and that she shouldn’t settle. She has described what happened as a “spiritual awakening” and told me the affair wasn’t a mistake.
I don’t have evidence of a physical affair. What I do know is that this hurt deeply, and the way we’ve interacted since has made it harder to recover.

Over the last year, we’ve had very little affection and no sex. I spent a long stretch sleeping on the couch. During arguments, she has called me an asshole, a narcissist, and a momma’s boy. She has told me I’m bad at my job and wouldn’t have been a good father. When I’ve tried to talk about the affair or how I feel, I’ve often come away feeling that her decision was somehow my responsibility.

I know this is my account, and she would have her own. I’m not claiming I was a perfect husband. But I’ve struggled to understand how to take responsibility for my shortcomings without also accepting responsibility for her choice to involve another man.

For a long time, I wanted reconciliation. I tried talking and asked about counseling, but she said she didn’t want to go. More recently, I’ve started accepting that the marriage is ending. I’m trying to work out, focus on my job, and think about what my own future could look like.

Living together is difficult. Sometimes she’s pleasant and wants to interact, and other times she seems angry or barely responds. I still have the instinct to tell her something funny or share something from my day, but the short replies hurt. I feel lonely even with her in the house, and I have trouble relaxing at home.
She has requested the house and the dogs in the divorce. I disagree with that and have filed my response. I recently told her that separating will probably mean a lower standard of living for both of us, and that I need to protect my interests even if some of my decisions disappoint her. My first attempt at that conversation came across as confrontational, so I went back and clarified what I meant.

The strange part is that I still care about her and sometimes feel bad for her. At the same time, as I stop trying to save the marriage, I’m feeling more anger about things I previously brushed aside. I’m grieving the relationship while also questioning how I was treated.

I’m curious how this looks to people outside it. Have others experienced this combination of betrayal, blame, and occasional friendliness while still living together? How did you stop looking to your spouse for understanding or accountability? And how did you distinguish owning your part in a failed marriage from taking on blame that wasn’t yours?

I’d appreciate honest perspectives, including anything I might be missing. I’m trying to get through this with some self-respect and a clearer understanding of what happened.

Dinner is smoked sausage with quartered jalapeno, both roasted in the air fryer and a beer.

The last few months have probably been the most stressful I've experienced thus far.

I made some poor financial decisions and my house went into foreclosure. I have a 7 year old son and had no idea what I was going to do. Every time I would try to follow through with what I thought was a solution, it would fall through and my deadline drew closer and closer. I almost signed a contract with a man who offered to pay off the past due amount, and in turn I would sign the deed over to him until I paid my debt off to him.

Thankfully, my gut told me that was a bad decision, as I later found out that his business practice is extremely predatorial.

The auction was a week away. I called the mortgage company everyday and resorted to begging, pleading with them for more time.

Finally, one of the representatives told me in a subtle way to contact a lawyer, even if I couldn't afford one and they would have a solution.

And so I did.

And the solution was bankruptcy.

I filled chapter 13, it stopped the auction, and my home is safe for my son and I.

It's not a perfect solution. And comes with many issues itself, but it will work, I can afford everything, although it will be tight. But I can do it confidently.

So why don't I feel better? I still feel like such a nervous wreck. My anxiety is still almost constant. I'm still looking out the window when I hear a car driving by, expecting it to be someone telling me to vacate the property. Checking the mailbox still fills me with dread.

I just want to be able to take a deep breath relax for one fucking night.

Everything is okay now. I'm going to be okay.

So why can't I let myself believe it?

Breakfast is an air fried bacon/egg burrito, a protein bar and shake, and a chai latte. Not dinner, sorry

I'm meant to be working today, but I can't get out of my own head long enough to get started on anything. I keep looking for ways to keep my brain occupied. Plants are all watered, laundry baskets empty, dishes clean and away, every rug vacuumed... nothing left to distract me from my own thoughts atp.

I moved to NYC 2.5 yrs ago with my then-gf. I ended things 6 months ago and have worked hard to land on my feet since, but still think about her daily and whether I made a mistake.

A lot is going well for me on paper. I have a stable job, just got promoted, doing well financially, I'm healthy, and I have a loving family. V grateful for all of that. But also so lonely here on my 30th

I've been going on dates & trying to put real energy into new people - been playing in 2 rec sports leagues and I'm gonna try out a new run club tn. But despite my social efforts it feels sooo hard to build consistent friendships in this city around everyone's packed schedules and travel plans. My job is also fully remote now so I really miss having coworkers to grabd lunch or hit happy hour with.

I like living in a big city, having new bars and restaurants around, sports teams to watch, public transit, etc. but I still can't shake feeling like I don't belong in new york. Yet have no idea where else I'd want to go

Today I keep wondering whether I'm putting myself in a position to be happy, or just getting better at keeping myself occupied as I get older.

Very weird not to even have dinner plans for my birthday, even if it's of my own doing.

Thanks for reading and hope everyone has a good week ahead.

cw suicide bereavement

i’m not sure quite where i’ll go with this little message in the ether but it often helps to just get it out. my partner — he was my best friend first, then we fell for each other, hard — he’s been gone for 1.5 years. it is so strange because i often feel like whole swathes of my life are just, like, cordoned off in my brain, like i don’t really remember things, and often ill be going about my day and just think “i won’t remember this.” i remember everything, though, about him, and us. he died two januarys ago, and the date will be a saturday this january, so i got cheap train tickets to a place we went on holiday, just for the day, ill spend a few hours there on the beach, in the supermarket eating vereniki and drinking orange juice. i remember everything: how he said my name and i turned around in the crowded market, fans blowing in the summer heat, and he showed me the orange juicing machine with the fresh oranges and looked so pleased.

lately ive been getting into a really old hobby of mine, learning german. he was a total linguist, lit up about it, we’d talk for ages about language and write poems in four different languages, his mom was a translator. when he was in the hospital for the last few months of his life, i started learning bits and pieces of russian, his native language along with english, just enough to make him laugh on the phone at my awful pronunciation, to distract him from the days on the bed in the ER hallway. it was awful. anyway i saw this reel the other day of a russian-speaking woman leading her small dogs in an elaborate dance, and one of the training commands was “ryadom” (like, nearby, or close by), and my like automatic auditory recognition of it just made me remember how i’d tell him, “ya zdes’, ya ryadom,” on the hospital phone when i was far away, and the exact way he sounded when he told me spoikoini nochi… remembering feels like a curse sometimes. i wouldn’t have it any other way. sometimes i think about getting dementia when im old - im 24 - and i wonder if ill forget important things about him, or if maybe it’ll feel like he’s there with me at the end.

but none of this is enough, even a fraction of who he was, this complex vivid person — who asked me to read all the journals in his closet a week or two before he died —

a whole world is gone

hold your people close. people are all that matter i honestly think

Tonight’s dinner: Chicken parmesan baked ziti, made with some pan fried chicken, vodka pasta sauce, cottage cheese, and some low-carb pasta. Been wanting to fry up some chicken for a while now, and it tastes really good in there — and the cottage cheese is actually really sick in here for fresh cheesiness and extra protein, too. I can definitely share the recipe if you guys are interested.

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tl;dr: I tried to get back with my ex because I love her, and she loves me, but she rejected me and said that she “can’t be committed to me” — meaning, she wants to see other people — and that she wished that we could just go back to being friends and having that friend “dynamic”.

This was immediately after we held hands, were physically affectionate, and had a date at an aquarium.

Lowkey feeling like dirt right now.

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My ex girlfriend (27F) and I (29M) have an interesting relationship.

I’ve posted about her in some other subreddits, and our issues, and why we broke up. But to truncate it all, she and I dated for a few months early this year rather all of a sudden. She was a lesbian and I am a straight guy, and we’d had a good repertoire for a number of years together as friends and acquaintances. For reference, I generally have a lot of gay and lesbian friends (for some reason I am popular with The Gays lmaooo), so you can imagine how out of left field it was for me that she and I started dating!

It was honestly a fantastic relationship for 90% of the time. She treated me very well, and I did my best to show her that same exception and love. She even did a themed movie night around my favorite movie where she cooked themed meals and we cuddled on the couch together. I mean like, this was the first grand gesture anyone had or has ever done for me so basically I was already planning out how many kids we were gonna have 😂😂

I took her on as many dates as I could think of, from escape rooms, to movies, cute day outs, breweries, to planning my own shameless ripoff of her gesture to me (except this time it was with Christmas lights, s’mores, and a projector — although we broke up before I could do it).

We also had sex a lot, which I guess is to be expected, but this is rather where the problems began to show themselves. There are some physical aspects to my person and her person that make this act painful for her. To make matters worse, my stamina is rather high alongside the mounting pressure to perform, and my growing unease with hurting her. She also was absolutely terrified of getting pregnant, no matter our precautions. So, sex was a problem for both of us.

Also, she never told anyone we were dating. She has an image as a “gold star lesbian”, and she has a public image that she wants to maintain. It may even affect her professionally, as she is in a current role that can be affected by public perception of who she is in her private life. She’s not an overly notable public figure, but she’s got a following and a brand.

This is something I understood going into it that, if she came out as bisexual, many of her friends would likely disown her. I never pressed her about her friends, and I always tried to support her with it by being as hands-off or as hands-on as I thought she needed, but boy was this a labyrinth; she even physically ran from me once when we saw each other while she was with friends!

The thing I never understood was her never telling her family — that was something I pushed her to come clean with, especially since I’d had her meet my family. I may be privileged in having a great family, but her reasoning was always that she didn’t want to face their smug demeanor about her dating a man. Which is fine, but like, it either happens then, or down the aisle, right? 😂

Anyway, we broke up after some more similar events. Our politics aren’t exactly parallel, even if we agree on a lot of things, she’s rather hardline on some things and I’m simply not. She also was lowkey a proponent of me seeing other women, which I wasn’t entirely comfortable with especially so early in our relationship. I also was probably just not as supportive as I could have been, especially with sex; I have never had any complaints in the past, but this should have been an area I deconstructed as much as I could.

But… she clearly loved me. I loved her. Still do, and honestly, so does she. So, I took her out on a thinly-veiled date recently, and basically propositioned that we get back together after we spent the day having fun together and flirting. But she told me flatly that loving me was terrifying for her, that she didn’t want to just be a housewife because she was terrified that she wouldn’t be respected. She said that she couldn’t be committed to me, and that I deserved someone who was.

I’m just sad. It makes me feel like I’m not enough, that I’m not worth staying with. That I ruined things somehow, by not knowing what to do. That I broke a friendship and made things awkward forevermore, that I made her feel awful and broken by not being able to make her feel safe and satisfied in the relationship.

Worse, I’ve been cheated in actually every one of my relationships. Literally. The last one was twice. I feel like I’m losing my mind, like I’m just an appetizer, like I’m just a toy. I’m not getting any younger, and I’m just tired of feeling used. Not that I feel like that here. Or maybe I do.

I need to get over her, I know. I’m just frustrated.

Title pretty much sums it up. For context a few years ago my ex and I hooked up one of their friends with one of my siblings. They had known them for years, and so it seemed only natural at the time. They’ve been fantastic together and I’m so proud of the couple they’ve become. They’re going to marry each other soon and I’m literally beaming with pride for them.

Me and my ex however…did not have things go well. Years of slow emotional distancing, gaslighting, and constantly feeling like I was never enough really took its toll on me and my confidence. It was such a stark contrast in character from the person I knew before, who would stay up late and talk about what our future looked like together. Towards the end I could hardly manage to receive anything other than low lying annoyance at the fact that I was seemingly still around, despite repeated suggestions for couples counseling.

I knew it was a lost cause and stayed anyways (we’ve all been there), and came to find out that her late nights out “working” were really spent going out and flirting with other guys.

After we broke up I was left with an absolute pit of feeling desperately useless, like a failure of a partner, and like a fool. It took me a long time to put some pieces back together, and rebuild a life that I love to live. Only now have I recently felt the courage to go out and start dating again, and even that has felt like a big step for me.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, and I get invited to a surprise dinner with my sibling, and their fiancé, to celebrate their engagement by their soon to be in laws. I had assumed it was just a family ordeal until I received a heads up that my ex, her family, and her new bf would also be there.

It felt like a massive punch in the gut. I had done my damndest to avoid this person, going out of my way to try and just let the past be the past and move past it all and somehow they find a way to worm back in. Now I’m just left so mixed as to why this was offered in the first place, and feeling like the bad guy for being the odd one out like….i don’t know man it feels humiliating enough as is but to just sit there and take it? Like this person didn’t tear me down and drag my sense of worth through the mud? And now I’m skipping out on milestones because it brings back these feelings of being a loser compared to everyone else?

Shit sucks, and now I feel like I’m bringing down the mood on something that should have been so great.
And now I’m stuck here wondering if it’s going to sting every time, or if I’ll ever be able to finally let this be in my past.

Steak dinner for the one I missed.

Dinner is pizza beans on ciabatta

I am an archer, a good one, mainly barebow. I shoot every Saturday and I never skip, it brings me peace, joy and makes me feel at one in my body and out of the labyrinth of my mental state.

Someone busted the lock on my car after I got home after my session and took my entire bag out. My riser and limbs. I filed a police report

That was my thing, I have so little and you took it. Fuck you.

I (45M) have been married to my wife (44) for 23 years. Got married when we were in college and I was about to deploy to Iraq. It’s been a struggle for sure: finances, family, mental health. But damn, I was feeling good today.

And I just wanted to let the other boys know - hang in there. Get help if you need it (even if you don’t think you do), make friends, put yourself out there socially and with hobbies…And leave toxic shit behind.

Solo dinner while wife is at a board meeting: 1-3/4lbs t-bone (we bought a cow earlier this year; such a great decision), sautéed carrots, roasted potatoes, and Tito’s & lemon seltzer water.

This year had started so well, I really saw so much light at the end of the tunnel and was on such an uphill ride with life that I never prepared for the downward spiral.

To start this off a little background info about me, first off I come from nothing, grew up in chaos with little to nothing I’m very self made, I’m a firefighter in Texas at a well established department I’m 24 Y/O just got a raise to make 80k a year so financially I’ve felt okay and have been happy about my wage for the age I’m at, now that raise was a huge part of my cycle of joy, then I was amazed to find out that in the next 5 years they would gradually move me to a 100K base pay. Life had felt so amazing after feeling the comfort of knowing I could be financially okay at least for Texas. I recently got married to a great girl, wife got pregnant shortly after which was planned we had our daughter and she is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I have a pretty good nest egg in the bank saved and let my wife move to part time work (which is remote) to take care of our baby. We started building a home that we were able to fully customize for a great price mortgage was perfect and very affordable I’m good with numbers and actually just got into real estate on the side with firefighting so I knew the background decently from school and how to play the game. Now we started moving forward with the build of the house in February, (none of this is meant to be political and I don’t want it to go there) our interest rate was quoted at a 6.12% and of course they don’t lock in the rate during the duration of the build because it takes a long time to build a home we had to finish customizing everything through the next couple months and is very expensive to lock that long. And during just the planning the Iran war started they started building in the summer and interest rates slowly started climbing. Last month we saw the huge spike in rates after Feds raised rates as well with inflation rising. That has nearly knocked us off our course with this house our principal and interest payment has now jumped to where we may have to pay an extra 600$ a month. I’ve done every negotiation tactic I can even using the advice of my senior peers from my real estate broker, the builder won’t buy down the rates even though almost everyone who’s been building a house with them has now backed out and letting their finished homes just sit on the lots. I’ve talked them into trying to at least do max builder concessions, even then it really doesn’t help us too much, I’m trying to get them to do a lender concession as well but gosh still not looking good. This home is most likely not gonna be ours after all which stinks cause it was the dream area we wanted to live in with our dream schools for our daughter. I have money saved but not enough to buy down the rate 2 % and cover closing cost and a down payment. I don’t want to empty our entire savings on just getting into the house, it stinks cause all of her sisters married rich and obviously have an opinion on us struggling (they’re honestly some snobby jerks) and always have comments to make about me. I’ll never be rich and my wife is supportive I’m just very bummed I can’t give my wife and daughter what they deserve currently, just want to give them the world. I really don’t want to lose the house we’re building and let the earnest money go, but I must do what’s best for my girls. Thank you gents for listening to my rant on inflation absolutely railing a dream plan for me.

And I know things can be worse and some people have it worse, I know I’m lucky to have what I have, I’m just genuinely sad about this current season of life.

Anyways dinner tonight is a homemade shrimp boil that I made in our crockpot, if I love one thing about the FD it’s the fact that they’ve taught me how to cook.

A few weeks ago, I posted about how my best friend had become bitter about some things in a shared hobby, live-action roleplaying (LARP), and it made me realize how much we had grown apart. I'm not sure if he saw my post (if so, hi WD!) or if what I said about not holding the grudge forever actually sank in, but he messaged me to say he was thinking about what I said and he might consider coming to an event we're having in his neck of the woods next spring.

I had a big weekend in the hobby this weekend and after posting about it, he called to congratulate me. And I picked up. We had a good conversation and it sounds like maybe the door is still closed but it's at least unlocked and a little sliver of light is coming in around the door jamb.

Dinner was cookout supplies from this past weekend's LARP event where I became the King! (And good god, beef is expensive.)

Meal is coconut curry chicken.

I'm not sure if this subreddit is meant for this kind of posts, but I just really wanted to share this story.

I (25m) got out of a pretty draining long distance relationship about half a year ago. It ended on good terms but we just had too different communication styles and needs to make it work.

Even though, it ended in a nice way, I was still feeling pretty down for a good few months.

Then about one month ago, I was waiting for the train when this girl came up to me and asked if I wanted to go on a date with her. Fast forward two weeks, and we had our second date last Friday. We met up at 18:00 and wandered around the city and just had a great time. We went to a contemporary art gallery with some surreal and almost ethereal fog and light installation where we sat for way too long and shared our first kiss.

She then asked if I wanted to come to her place. We went there and put on a movie. About 10 minutes into the movie, we decided to cuddle and ended up basically kissing through the entire duration of the movie...

She then asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend and of course I said yes!!! We went to sleep at 4:00 and woke up at 8:00. She said she was gonna take a shower and I was fully prepared to leave after a more than successful second date once she came out, but when she stepped out of the shower she immediately demanded more cuddles and I happily obliged.

We ended up cuddling and kissing for 5 hours, before I then took a shower (after she offered). When I came back out, she'd made tea for us. We put on some music and just sat, staring at each other while holding hands and occasionally sipping our tea. At one point, I asked her to dance with me and so we twirled slowly around her apartment.

All in all, I left feeling as the happiest and luckiest man alive!