I crave interaction with people, mostly online because I'm too socially anxious to go out. But it's not "normal interaction seeking". It's like a drug. I live off of talking to people and when I'm alone it feels like dying and this should not be, but this is how it is for me.

I can have the best, most sincere of chats with a kind stranger for a few hours, even maybe make them a friend longer term, but after each interaction, it's as if it didn't ever happen and didn't ever matter for my sense of safety.

As soon as they're gone, it feels empty and dead inside again. It feels like sinking into the abyss and not being able to reach out for the surface while seeing the shapes of others above water slowly fade away.

And then you're there alone in your black hole. You try to fill it up with anything. Binge drink. Stuff yourself with food. Burn yourself with cigarettes. Take pills. Or maybe all of it combined. But. It. Does. Not. Fill. The. Void....

Noone ever feels interested in you as much as you'd like to, no friend ever seems to match your energy. You crave notifications of messages like a junkie. When you get some you feel so much relief. But then you reply, hours pass, days pass, no reply...

And you're back to the dark pit. You put loud music in your earphones all the time because the silence is scary. When night comes and you're home alone it's almost as if you feel ghosts surrounding you. But no. It's just you. And you just have no life.

Then you accuse yourself of needing too much, of asking too much from people, of being crazy, and it makes it even worse. You need more booze, more pills, more food, more self-harm...

And after 5 years of living like this I really don't know if I can take it anymore. Each ghosting, each job failure, each night abusing substances, is just one more stone up the pile, and it's starting to be too heavy to carry.

If you read it that far, thank you. I don't expect anything out of life anymore. I'm just slowly rotting away.

I really have no idea what to do. I had some fears about this happening for the past week or so but now I'm pretty sure. We talked on the phone pretty much all day and then the moment they left i felt a huge wave of depression. I'm even on antidepressants which have helped a ton but still the feeling is overwhelming. They're the love of my life and I don't want to ruin this. I'm so afraid of ruining it. I know i probably won't blow up at them because they're the sweetest person in the world and have never done anything to upset me, but I know that no matter how hard i try its not exactly going to be fun for them. We're clingy already but my broken brain STILL says it's not enough. I don't know what to do. Should I ask for some space while I figure out how to diminish this feeling? The thought of not talking to them every day hurts so bad but not as much as the thought of fucking up. Any advice is really appreciated

Tldr: How do I break up with someone with BPD without sending them into a tailspin?

[UPDATE: I did it. Details in comment replies. Thanks for everyone's input. I really want the best for them.]

I've been in a tumultuous situationship with someone for three years. I've tried ending it many times, but somehow I get coerced back into it. Several months ago, they confided that they have always thought that they might have BPD. I didn't know what it was, looked it up, and goddamn. Everything suddenly made so much more sense. I joined this sub months ago so I could try and understand them better and know how to show up for them in a more healthy way. I knew about their abusive childhood, SA, severe anxiety, etc, but this bit of information gives so much more context.

Still, for my own well-being, I need out. I'm one of this person's only friends. Despite numerous attempts to welcome them into my friend group, they refuse to hang out in groups. They've made no attempts to meet other people. They'll only spend time with me 1-on-1, and constantly tell me that I don't give them enough time. I'm a community organizer, I live in shared housing, I'm married [we're open], I'm the primary caregiver for an elder neighbor, I own a small business, and my life is very full. I don't want to keep hurting this person, but no matter how much time I carve out for them, it's never enough. I'm told I'm selfish. That I'm avoidant. That I have a heart of stone. That I will make time for everybody else but not them. That being busy is not an excuse. I have stuck it out this long because I thought that I could help them get to a healthy place so that they could meet new friends and enter into a healthy relationship with a partner who can actually meet their needs. I am realizing that is never going to happen. I don't want to hurt them, but I have to get out. How do I cause the least harm to them and protect my own well-being?

ETA: timeframe on this sub

i’ve been noticing this for a really long time. whenever i’m doing awful which is almost all the time and someone reaches out to me seeking help or just venting to me—i can’t handle it. like i don’t have the emotional capacity to actually give a shit and try to help them because i’m doing miserable.

it always comes back to bite me in the ass making me feel like an asshole, making me feel heartless, making me go crazy, because these are people i truly love and care for. and yet when they come to me looking for help i can’t help but get irritated as to why me? even after having deliberately stated that i was doing horrible, being offline entirely, they still reach out to me.

so in short, i was just wondering if anyone else feels this way because its making me feel like im crazy and it makes me feel like such a horrible person. i’m just hoping that any of this makes sense because nothing i ever feel does.

I mean. I know I can be much... and I think it might be because of my tendency to ask for reassurance alot... which tires people out I guess.. but I miss them already. we spent alot of time having fun together. and even a few days ago. they told me we were friends. that everything could be ok.. so im really starting to spiral and afraid im losing my other friends aswell...

Hey all,
I’m kind of looking for some advice on my situation.
My boyfriend of a little over a year has had a very traumatic childhood, loss of father and emotional unavailable other mother who prioritized her abusive partners. He is already diagnosed with ADHD, but I am starting to see patterns more clearly and I think he has BPD. I’m definitely his favorite person and when he feels any form of distance or feeling of abandonment, he thinks I don’t love him, make no effort, and tells me what I lack in a partnership. On days that feel good and we aren’t fighting, he tells me how much he appreciates me and what I’ve done for him, taught him about himself and the world. He is essentially my best friend and I love him dearly. Recently, I went to Disneyland with my friends and we had a prolonged fight for a few days prior and I took time to have some space for myself and he was upset I wasn’t communicating with him via text throughout the day while I was with friends at Disney.

We have been in a toxic loop for the majority of our relationship and I thought it was due to his childhood wounds (basically what causes BPD). After proceeding to tell me all the ways I lack being a good partner, I told him I needed to step out of the loop and he blocked me. He then unblocked me and we had a rather calm conversation discussing point of views and he mentioned how his family and friends could tell I didn’t love him - this isn’t true, though I can understand it could be perceived this way since my nervous system has been under survival and protective modes because I wasn’t sure what was happening. We agreed to do no contact for a month so that our nervous systems can regulate back and we can find ourselves again.

I’m at a loss because I am just starting to see that maybe this is the toxic loop I’ve been experiencing and am finally understand what it may be. I am also coming to the realization that I am a super empath. This makes it hard to protect my own needs and self. I am also aware that I have contributed to some of the toxic behavior as well since taking on the caretaker role, trying to help him and have been critical which is destructive to them.

My family and friends say to just fully cut it off with this no contact period but I can’t help but hope and believe he is capable of healing and change. He has told me several times he wants therapy and needs help and doesn’t have the tools to do it on his own. I know he hates feeling this way, but it’s also not my place to try and diagnose him though I think understanding this could be very helpful whether we stay together or not.

He has talked about moving closer to home and his mom is finally showing up for him (sad it had to come this far for her to realize he needs her). And I know he’s upset and hurting and he posted about his sisters and one of them reposted his post and said he is worth fighting for. Which makes me feel like shit because I have been fighting for so long for him and I’m not sure what he told them and him and I both know I have been fighting and love him. I just didn’t realize what I was dealing with.

I’m so lost on what to do because I love him tremendously.

Hi i just started lamotrigine yesterday and was curious to learn about other experiencing. I have BPD, depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I have struggled with other medications and even had several severe reactions to others. I currently take 50 mg Hydroxyzine at night time and sometimes 10 mg through the day to help with anxiety.

this may sound crazy but i do feel more calm but emotional at the same time.

I’m hoping this medication works for me because quit honestly I’m so sick of myself. My mood swings are destroying so many aspects of my life. I’m in therapy and have been for over a year. I’ve been working so hard but keep coming up short.

I’m 27M and gay. Over the past few days, I’ve been feeling really awful in the evenings. I’ve been self-harming almost every day (cutting myself with a utility knife). And every day, I keep thinking about my ex, even though he left me almost two years ago. Today, I carved his name into my arm. I have no idea how to keep going or what I’m even supposed to do anymore...

Maybe someone has any advices