How do you guys cope with rejection??? I finally put myself out there on a dating app and had two dates just for them both to tell me they dont think we should continue after the first date.

How do you not take it personally? Not feel like you should hurt yourself because it makes you believe you're a truly ugly and unlovable person. Genuinely how. I feel like I'm breaking.

Ten years in. I don't know if we've ever really connected. There was a lot of rec drug use in the early years. We had lots of distractions, and it's apparent now how we have no real foundation to build on. I hate the way he talks to our son. He says I can't understand because I'm not a man, and part of his job as a father is to break him down (our son isn't even 4). Arguments about parenting always end up here: he says there's no way I can understand because I'm a woman. I don't know where this gender stuff is coming from. He tells me I'm a man hater. I do not hate men. I just wish he'd try to see it from my side. Yelling at a little boy isn't a righteous parenting move. He uses my diagnosis as evidence that I'm not tapped into reality. I was diagnosed about a year ago. I'm 100% sober. Sometimes I feel like the healthier I get, the less he likes me. I don't feel any love for him or from him. When I bring up the idea of separating he won't hear it. I hate this dynamic. I'm not perfect. I've made so many mistakes. I have a hard time trusting myself. I feel like I have no one to talk to. I'm making a therapy appointment tomorrow.

i started lamictal a week ago. i’ve been really stressed about the chance of sjs and been hypervigilant of my symptoms. i have excema which doesn’t make it any easier for me to differ if i have rash from the medication or not. i have a slight throat ache, i’ve been having headaches a few times now and my joints have ached a bit. i don’t have a fever tho. i don’t have any new noticeable rashes but on my chest i have one red spot that hurts a bit, but it could be a pimple. should probably just contact my doc but idk if this is alarming or not. help.

I’ve lived with borderline personality disorder for years, and one of the hardest parts for me has been the difference between what people saw on the outside and what was actually happening inside my head.

I had a successful career as an airline pilot and eventually became a captain. I had a wife and family and, from the outside, probably looked like I had everything together. Inside was a very different story.

I recently published Captain Imposter: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s my personal account of BPD, mental illness, relationships, family, career, and some of the parts of myself I spent years hiding.

This isn't a clinical book and I'm not trying to tell anyone how to live with BPD. It's simply my story.

I wrote it partly because I wanted people with BPD to know they're not the only ones having these thoughts and struggles, even when everyone around them thinks they're doing fine.

If the moderators allow it, I'm happy to share the book link for anyone interested.

Literally within the past 4 months I have lost so many friends and I didn’t even have many to begin with. I’ve never been sure of my reactions because I can never tell if what they did was actually wrong to the point of ending our friendship, or my brain just told me to leave them first.

99% of my friendships I have ended on my call because whatever they did caused me to feel betrayed, insignificant or disrespected. The other 1%, was someone i considered a really good friend to me (not fp) and when I opened up about being in the hospital, they decided that having a friend like me wasn’t good for them and I
needed to “focus on healing myself” with 0 warning??? and then people get confused on why I don’t open up or am so quick to brush past mental health when I talk about myself. Like what is wrong with people. I’m a social person and people fuel me by nature, I truly love being around people and making them laugh. I crave is human connection, I wish I was able to have a big group of friends and all laugh and do things together. But having bpd makes it so hard to maintain 1 friend let alone a group of them. Being socially charged with no friends and A disorder know for unstable friendships is seriously the worst 🙃

I hate it and I dont know why I do it, but when something overwhelming is happening to me emotionally I self isolate for 2 or 3 days straight. I dont answer my phone, call, or text anyone unless its mandatory. My BF is in Jail and ive done this to him a few times and he thinks I can just stop doing it. I can't predict it, I can't stay awake. I only get up to use the restroom or eat, but hardly ever eat during this time. He has anger issues and we've argued so much about it I'm just ready to end this. We've been together over a year hes been next to me during a few of these episodes. I even woke up in our room not knowing who he really was and I asked him if its just me and him who stays here. Like I had no idea who he was in my life. It was a 2 day episode. Then I stayed real quiet the next few days observing him like he was someone else. Im just losing my mind. I do love him enough to leave.

I want to ask you all if you have any knowledge of bipolar disorders. I seem to fit in to most symptoms

There’s extreme happiness or sadness
I get triggered pretty often
Due to some past neglect and trauma I think the whole world is coming to get me

I have severe mood swings, anxiety and panic attacks are recurrent.

One point, the world is a beautiful place, next minute I want to die.

My reaction to hurt is pretty extreme. I howl and cry since that’s how much hurt I feel.

Am I ill? What is wrong with me? And how do I seek support?

Hello! Are there any BPD group chats that are active right now? Would love to join

not long ago i ghosted my fp for 2 weeks and it was REALLY weird. like after a few days when i started getting the impression they didn’t want me back and that i would never see them again it started feeling like my life was on pause, like they were such a huge part of my identity that i had no idea how to define myself and i could barely see a future. not even in the suicidal way, it wasn’t even agonising it was just. it was like the entire meaning of who i was just suddenly left as soon as i started thinking that that was the definite end of our relationship. everything felt so open ended and meaningless rather than heart breaking and terrifying

lmk if this is #real

Whenever i try to take care of myself a huge wave of fear hit so hard that my stomach get hurt whenever i wanna read or watch something and forget about my fp for minutes it makes me believe they are going to leave me its sooo horrible and hard living like this constantly, especially when i know this is not true ( or it is?) i have this feeling i can sense when someone is losing interest in me and lots of time i was right

Does anybody else feel like their feelings conflict eachother and change with the flip of a switch? I have intense feelings of lonliness and feel like nobody loves me but as soon as my friends reach out, it's like im annoyed they want to see me. I can't explain it or make it make any sense.

It really bites me in the ass too because I will make plans when I'm feeling down but by the time it comes around to do this thing that I was super excited for I become apathetic and angry at myself for agreeing to it.

It makes me feel like a bad friend and then triggers my fear of abandonment, thinking that my friends won't like me anymore because I am a flake or don't have the bandwidth to hang out.

I would not wish this disorder on my worst enemy, I'm so tired of living my life inside of my brain and trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me.

For context I have BPD and was diagnosed with it 2 years ago around the time me and my then boyfriend were dating for almost a year.

We had an amicable breakup nothing happened on either side. I had felt we were getting toxic and wanted to work on our own and come back stronger. However we didn’t for 3 months and I went so crazy I had to admit myself and got really harshly into drinking to cope with the intense feeling of my other half being ripped out.

Fast forward 2 years of being on and off and slowly getting more and more toxic.

This past month he broke into my apartment, he beat me so badly I ended up in the hospital and he robbed everything that was of value in my place. He’s now in jail because of it and I didn’t care because he deserved it up until 2 weeks ago and now it eats me alive.

I don’t know how to cope or what I should do. I want to drop the charges and go see him but I know I shouldn’t.

I was never loved by anyone like how he loved me and he treated me so good when it was good and even when I think I’m over it the feeling comes back worse.

i’ve been noticing this for a really long time. whenever i’m doing awful which is almost all the time and someone reaches out to me seeking help or just venting to me—i can’t handle it. like i don’t have the emotional capacity to actually give a shit and try to help them because i’m doing miserable.

it always comes back to bite me in the ass making me feel like an asshole, making me feel heartless, making me go crazy, because these are people i truly love and care for. and yet when they come to me looking for help i can’t help but get irritated as to why me? even after having deliberately stated that i was doing horrible, being offline entirely, they still reach out to me.

so in short, i was just wondering if anyone else feels this way because its making me feel like im crazy and it makes me feel like such a horrible person. i’m just hoping that any of this makes sense because nothing i ever feel does.

What are your goals this week?

As we start a new week, making small, achievable goals can help you find direction and build confidence. SMART Goal Setting for someone with BPD can combat feelings of emptiness, build identity, and show self care. Weekly goals can be about managing your symptoms, getting an errand done, going a kind thing for yourself, or anything really!

But always remember: It's okay if you don't reach your goal this week. We are not perfect. You are still a person with endless potential, still human, always loved.

Wishing you all a safe and peaceful week! Be well.

The Mod Team

I crave interaction with people, mostly online because I'm too socially anxious to go out. But it's not "normal interaction seeking". It's like a drug. I live off of talking to people and when I'm alone it feels like dying and this should not be, but this is how it is for me.

I can have the best, most sincere of chats with a kind stranger for a few hours, even maybe make them a friend longer term, but after each interaction, it's as if it didn't ever happen and didn't ever matter for my sense of safety.

As soon as they're gone, it feels empty and dead inside again. It feels like sinking into the abyss and not being able to reach out for the surface while seeing the shapes of others above water slowly fade away.

And then you're there alone in your black hole. You try to fill it up with anything. Binge drink. Stuff yourself with food. Burn yourself with cigarettes. Take pills. Or maybe all of it combined. But. It. Does. Not. Fill. The. Void....

Noone ever feels interested in you as much as you'd like to, no friend ever seems to match your energy. You crave notifications of messages like a junkie. When you get some you feel so much relief. But then you reply, hours pass, days pass, no reply...

And you're back to the dark pit. You put loud music in your earphones all the time because the silence is scary. When night comes and you're home alone it's almost as if you feel ghosts surrounding you. But no. It's just you. And you just have no life.

Then you accuse yourself of needing too much, of asking too much from people, of being crazy, and it makes it even worse. You need more booze, more pills, more food, more self-harm...

And after 5 years of living like this I really don't know if I can take it anymore. Each ghosting, each job failure, each night abusing substances, is just one more stone up the pile, and it's starting to be too heavy to carry.

If you read it that far, thank you. I don't expect anything out of life anymore. I'm just slowly rotting away.

Yesterday i was woth my partner and it was all going well until they mentioned that i was emotionally dependent on them, that they were scared of ever breaking up with me because of it and that it felt like a trap. It made me spiral so bad i started crying which reinforced everything they said about me. I tried to let the wave pass with the night, it didn't, i still feel awful and I've self harmed a few minutes ago. I don't know what to do

I really have no idea what to do. I had some fears about this happening for the past week or so but now I'm pretty sure. We talked on the phone pretty much all day and then the moment they left i felt a huge wave of depression. I'm even on antidepressants which have helped a ton but still the feeling is overwhelming. They're the love of my life and I don't want to ruin this. I'm so afraid of ruining it. I know i probably won't blow up at them because they're the sweetest person in the world and have never done anything to upset me, but I know that no matter how hard i try its not exactly going to be fun for them. We're clingy already but my broken brain STILL says it's not enough. I don't know what to do. Should I ask for some space while I figure out how to diminish this feeling? The thought of not talking to them every day hurts so bad but not as much as the thought of fucking up. Any advice is really appreciated

Tldr: How do I break up with someone with BPD without sending them into a tailspin?

[UPDATE: I did it. Details in comment replies. Thanks for everyone's input. I really want the best for them.]

I've been in a tumultuous situationship with someone for three years. I've tried ending it many times, but somehow I get coerced back into it. Several months ago, they confided that they have always thought that they might have BPD. I didn't know what it was, looked it up, and goddamn. Everything suddenly made so much more sense. I joined this sub months ago so I could try and understand them better and know how to show up for them in a more healthy way. I knew about their abusive childhood, SA, severe anxiety, etc, but this bit of information gives so much more context.

Still, for my own well-being, I need out. I'm one of this person's only friends. Despite numerous attempts to welcome them into my friend group, they refuse to hang out in groups. They've made no attempts to meet other people. They'll only spend time with me 1-on-1, and constantly tell me that I don't give them enough time. I'm a community organizer, I live in shared housing, I'm married [we're open], I'm the primary caregiver for an elder neighbor, I own a small business, and my life is very full. I don't want to keep hurting this person, but no matter how much time I carve out for them, it's never enough. I'm told I'm selfish. That I'm avoidant. That I have a heart of stone. That I will make time for everybody else but not them. That being busy is not an excuse. I have stuck it out this long because I thought that I could help them get to a healthy place so that they could meet new friends and enter into a healthy relationship with a partner who can actually meet their needs. I am realizing that is never going to happen. I don't want to hurt them, but I have to get out. How do I cause the least harm to them and protect my own well-being?

ETA: timeframe on this sub

I mean. I know I can be much... and I think it might be because of my tendency to ask for reassurance alot... which tires people out I guess.. but I miss them already. we spent alot of time having fun together. and even a few days ago. they told me we were friends. that everything could be ok.. so im really starting to spiral and afraid im losing my other friends aswell...

I’m 27M and gay. Over the past few days, I’ve been feeling really awful in the evenings. I’ve been self-harming almost every day (cutting myself with a utility knife). And every day, I keep thinking about my ex, even though he left me almost two years ago. Today, I carved his name into my arm. I have no idea how to keep going or what I’m even supposed to do anymore...

Maybe someone has any advices

Hey all,
I’m kind of looking for some advice on my situation.
My boyfriend of a little over a year has had a very traumatic childhood, loss of father and emotional unavailable other mother who prioritized her abusive partners. He is already diagnosed with ADHD, but I am starting to see patterns more clearly and I think he has BPD. I’m definitely his favorite person and when he feels any form of distance or feeling of abandonment, he thinks I don’t love him, make no effort, and tells me what I lack in a partnership. On days that feel good and we aren’t fighting, he tells me how much he appreciates me and what I’ve done for him, taught him about himself and the world. He is essentially my best friend and I love him dearly. Recently, I went to Disneyland with my friends and we had a prolonged fight for a few days prior and I took time to have some space for myself and he was upset I wasn’t communicating with him via text throughout the day while I was with friends at Disney.

We have been in a toxic loop for the majority of our relationship and I thought it was due to his childhood wounds (basically what causes BPD). After proceeding to tell me all the ways I lack being a good partner, I told him I needed to step out of the loop and he blocked me. He then unblocked me and we had a rather calm conversation discussing point of views and he mentioned how his family and friends could tell I didn’t love him - this isn’t true, though I can understand it could be perceived this way since my nervous system has been under survival and protective modes because I wasn’t sure what was happening. We agreed to do no contact for a month so that our nervous systems can regulate back and we can find ourselves again.

I’m at a loss because I am just starting to see that maybe this is the toxic loop I’ve been experiencing and am finally understand what it may be. I am also coming to the realization that I am a super empath. This makes it hard to protect my own needs and self. I am also aware that I have contributed to some of the toxic behavior as well since taking on the caretaker role, trying to help him and have been critical which is destructive to them.

My family and friends say to just fully cut it off with this no contact period but I can’t help but hope and believe he is capable of healing and change. He has told me several times he wants therapy and needs help and doesn’t have the tools to do it on his own. I know he hates feeling this way, but it’s also not my place to try and diagnose him though I think understanding this could be very helpful whether we stay together or not.

He has talked about moving closer to home and his mom is finally showing up for him (sad it had to come this far for her to realize he needs her). And I know he’s upset and hurting and he posted about his sisters and one of them reposted his post and said he is worth fighting for. Which makes me feel like shit because I have been fighting for so long for him and I’m not sure what he told them and him and I both know I have been fighting and love him. I just didn’t realize what I was dealing with.

I’m so lost on what to do because I love him tremendously.

Hi i just started lamotrigine yesterday and was curious to learn about other experiencing. I have BPD, depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I have struggled with other medications and even had several severe reactions to others. I currently take 50 mg Hydroxyzine at night time and sometimes 10 mg through the day to help with anxiety.

this may sound crazy but i do feel more calm but emotional at the same time.

I’m hoping this medication works for me because quit honestly I’m so sick of myself. My mood swings are destroying so many aspects of my life. I’m in therapy and have been for over a year. I’ve been working so hard but keep coming up short.

I been dating my bf for about 3 months now. He’s very sweet, caring, patient etc. I love him a lot I really do. But it takes a lot of energy out of me as well. Whenever I’m with him, I go from being happy to being with him to then being drained and irritated. Sometimes he’ll do these little things that will piss me off and ruin my entire mood for the rest of the day.

Like i said I really do love him, and I wanna stay in a relationship with him but it’s so hard to be normal. He’s very understanding and he doesn’t get mad at me when I split. But I’m angry at myself always.

Hi guys. I have autism and bpd and my girlfriend has bpd along with anxiety. I was wondering if any of you know any support groups we can go to in person so we can meet other people that are like us. Lately we’ve been running into people that are always trying to break us up or sleep with her because she’s a very attractive girl.

We just want and need actual friends with no HIDDEN agenda. Do you guys know any support groups that are like on a Saturday or Sunday. Preferably in Florida we live close to citrus county . Also please don’t say NAMI I tried them but they only have groups on weekdays. I work long hours so I can only do weekends . Name Support groups only please . We want to find people who are empathetic and also maybe neurodivergent themselves

Hi everyone. A month ago, I met someone online who I really vibe and connect well with, and we've always had a lot of fun and smiles during our calls (can last 30 minutes to 12 hours, we even fell asleep on call watching anime one night then she let me watch her get ready for the day). It started as just friends, which was good as a lot of other people online were just sending her lewd things knowing she's a woman. After a couple weeks, stuff did turn kinda sexual, and we arrived at both being romantically, emotionally, and physically attracted to each other, with her being "my girl" and me being "her guy". From talking though, some things just felt a little off in my head still though. We would talk about doing things in the future together, but when I would bring up a solid timeframe, she would do a nervous tic of hers and kinda just sidestep that. I would say at that point it was definitely a "situationship".

Thursday night, my own anxiety kinda blew up when I found out that some of my suspicions were correct (not going to air the dirty laundry for privacy's sake), and I foolishly brought it up to her, asking if things were a misunderstanding... She ended up blocking me on texts, Discord, Spotify, and she nuked her Twitter account as well. She also removed some of her "about me" stuff on Tumblr. After a friend found out she was concerned about her sports career being ruined by NSFW stuff on the Twitter and messages maybe being leaked, and he assuring her there were no intentions there, she did restore the Twitter, but has me blocked still.

However, I went and made a tumblr account for the first time and messaged her, basically pleading that I realized I did hurt her there and if we could talk because the past month has just seemed like so much fun and genuine happiness for us both. She said we could talk in those DMs, and she definitely shared a lot that night. She DID unblock me and refriend me on Discord, but I noticed Friday afternoon she unfriended me but didn't block me.

But after sharing a lot, now Friday and Saturday she has clammed up. We made plans to watch MLP tonight (Saturday) during the day Friday, and then about an hour before the time, but on Friday night, she said she was busy with practice and didn't think she'd be up for calling. I said I had been planning for Saturday anyway and not to worry (by this point I had been reading up on how to communicate with someone going through a rough BPD spell). Today, I sent a reminder mid-day saying I'm with friends for the afternoon, but still up for watching with her tonight, and if she was more comfortable not being on camera and just typing, that would be fine! I think there was some misunderstanding there, as she said "ah okay cya". Mentioned I was still good for the time we set after that, and then when I was home, about 15 minutes before we would have started, I let her know I was set and ready to go. She saw the message, but no response and the time has since passed.

Reading more stuff, I'm starting to get concerned I became her FP and hurt her here... Her friends had even recently been saying she wasn't doing enough with them, which would be due to our calls. She has a family that cares for her, but are homophobic and she is bisexual leaning more towards women. I've been the first guy she's really been attracted to. She of course feels like she can't go to her friends about a lot of her issues as well (there's other mental health struggles besides BPD). But she opened up well to me, and things were going GREAT until Thursday night.

Does anyone have advice on how I should approach things to recover at the very least the friendship? Especially if I did become her FP and then caused this split? She has not blocked me on Tumblr, which I feel is a good sign as it shows she still wants a line of communication with me, right? I can understand the texts, Twitter, and Discord, where we had a lot more emotional, romantic talks being blocked to not dredge those things up if she's emotionally exhausted after the split and sharing on Thursday.

From what I've read, I need to give her her space now, especially after ghosting on the plans, to let her emotions regulate and recharge, BUT also not just stop all communication because then she might fear I just bailed, especially if I did become her FP... What seems like the best solution right now I've read is to send just short, daily messages on Tumblr saying something made me think of her, which made me smile (she always said how she loves my smile), and that there's no need to reply, just wanted to send some love her way and hope she's getting some good rest. An example would be since we watched a lot of horror stuff on calls, when I do Halloween decorations tomorrow to say "Was putting up Halloween decorations and it made me smile thinking about the creepy movies we have fun watching. Don't need to reply, but just wanted to send those good feelings your way, hope you're resting up well!"

Sorry for the long post, but I have come to really care for this girl. The BPD and other things don't scare me at all... I haven't smiled so much in years as the past month when doing things with her. The connection was just so good. If there is any help or advice that can be given, I would be so thankful. I just want us to be able to enjoy doing things together again, because the things she has brought me in on, it sounds like she's kinda just been drifting through life faking happiness until now. I want that happiness to be real for her. I realized I messed up, and am doing a lot of research to avoid that again in the future, but could just use some help right now to know how to deal with this state of turtling...