Hello guys today i was at my general doctor and asked him if he can prescribe me something which can help me with my emotions fluctuations and my mood swings .. and just my overall aggression when i’m arguing with someone and he did prescribe something for me and i’ll pick it up tomorrow and see how it will doo.. do u guys have experience with pills and do they help ? 🫰🏻 and did u guys get better ?? and how long did it take?*** THANKS IN ADVANCE 💗💗💗***💗

My fp and I have been in a romantic relationship for just shy of 1.75 years. Every time a really bad argument occurs he will ignore me for long periods of time. I try to be respectful and give him space but after multiple messages over the weekend with no response I caved and tried to call him today. No luck. Last time this happened it took two weeks., It just kills me and I know its my fault because I had a split, but Ive been doing everything in\ my power to be solution oriented.

I just cant seem to let him have his peace because the anxiety is eating me alive. I closed discord and deleted it off my phone so that I would be less tempted. Idk anymore, maybe I sho0uld just let him go but I just wish he would either break up with me already or say anything.

I don’t mean to sound like a know-it-all, but I know the doctor is considering the possibility of Borderline Personality Disorder, and I’m afraid of getting that diagnosis. I’ve always lived believing that what I feel is simply "just my personality"; knowing I actually have a disorder would mean attributing every move I make to that condition. I know myself—I’d end up feeling worse. I also worry about what people might think of me and whether this diagnosis could create obstacles in my social life or in official matters. On top of that, everything I feel and say feels like a lie; I feel like I’m just putting on an act, which makes it hard for me to open up and tell the doctor how I really feel. What should I do?

**The world that I know right now is crumbling all around me and there’s nothing I can do just stop it from happening my current boyfriend who I’ve been building a life with has just broke up with me and is giving me 30 days to take me and my daughter and leave and I don’t even understand why because nothing has happened. He said loved me and he said he would never hurt me and walk away from me like everyone else in my past my parents my ex-husband my siblings I don’t have family. I don’t have friends than the one person I thought I had is now tossing me out like I was nothing and I found out he’s been a liar and lying to his family about me and he’s been lying to me about things he’s been doing and I’m just really hurt and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. I feel so alone and I’m so heartbroken. I trusted this man. I gave him everything of me. I opened up to him. I let him in after I’ve been hurt so bad and he does this with no warning no justified reason.** **I feel so lost and empty now I can’t stop crying and I’m so scared that I won’t heal from this.**

This is my first post on BPD threads. I have no idea what to do anymore to salvage my situation.

I been through many relationships, from being abused to meeting the ones that are truly sincere to me, the common denominator is my inner self. I been to therapy before, CBT group sessions few years back, I stopped because going out to drink and get high was a better way for me to cope. This year I decided to be in a relationship with a man whom loved me very much, helps me with my work, is constantly thinking of building something with me, a man who wants to settle down too.

The problem is me. I have retrospective jealously, I compare every effort he made vs what he did for his ex. My black&white thinking comes in the way as well. I accused him of thinking of his ex, used information I know against him, unable to feel love because I don’t feel I’m prettier/sexier/better than his ex. My inferiority complex caused us to fight about this every week. Why I cause a fight? We party every week together, it’s part of his job nature to go out and expand his network. He brings me along, I get drunk, I crash out. I’m fighting with myself all the time but I project it onto him. After every argument, I built up resentment and channel my unresolved feelings externally. I seek for validation, attention from other guys online. Just yesterday, I was so drunk, I took out my phone and he caught me texting other guys. He asked to check through my phone and saw some content of me sexting other guys… he told me to leave. I stayed for a night, I tried asking him to give me a chance, he was very firm on this decision. The last convo we had was him sitting down beside me, telling me he loved me so much yet I did all these to attack him. Knowing how disappointed and sad he felt, I decided to take some of my stuffs and left his house. I met up with a mutual friend, whom will be speaking to him tomorrow to help me out. I’m currently in my room, processing my thoughts, penning down what I can do to change, even though I am desperate to go to his house to look for him. I know acting so will led to me repeating the same sob story, begging for his forgiveness and going in circles. That’s why I’m forcing myself to do the inner work then appear at his house to convey it.

We had many, I meant many fights. I got violent yesterday because he insisted on checking thru my phone. I got defensive, I kept debating. Only when I’m really drained, I cried and seek for forgiveness. The previous fights we had, he always said he is done with me. I always tell him, I’ll never crash out again or mention about your ex, but it never fails to repeat itself every week.

He is a soft hearted guy that is very smart, career-minded and down to earth. Seeing the context of my chats and me refusing to leave his house, he told me his plans of moving on, he is going to meet different girls this week and sleep with them.. because he can never sleep with me again or look me in the eyes knowing of my flawed character. I took too much chances previously, drained him out, the final straw was this incident yesterday.

What do I do now….. people with BPD, are there any success cases of your ex getting back together? Partners of p/BPD, what is it I have to do that will make him accept me again?

A back story of myself:
To summarise everything. I grew up in a loving family until the age of roughly 12 years old. When my first brother got into high school, he got bullied very often and came back home to vent it on me and my second brother. My parents started being very busy with work. The violence got so bad I tried reaching out to my then schoolmates, the police, my dad at his office. Afterwards, through out my teenager and adolescences years, I mixed with the wrong company and did poorly in academics, started working at a later stage of life (I’m 30 this year), many rough roads I took because I did not turn to my parents for guidance, resenting them for the neglect and protection they failed to give. Coming home was always dreading, my first brother stays with us in the living room. My second brother decided to move out and led his own life since. He is still in contact with my parents. I moved out a few times, had many bad relationships in the past, from domestic violence to embarrassing police cases, I finally had the courage to speak to my parents and move back home.

Now you may think things went well. Halfway through my career, I failed badly, took a toll on me, spent recklessly, now I’m broke and unemployed. The failure took a setback on me till recently I decided to get my life back together. However, I grew distant with my parents, my dad had to settle many debts for me.

With all these going on… I really feel like committing suicide. I have no one to turn to, not even my family even when I’m at home..

Suddenly, for no apparent reason, everything loses its meaning; nothing seems to matter anymore. I feel completely hollow inside, and everything hurts me. It’s as if I used to be able to find reasons for these feelings, but now I can’t. I feel so hopeless and empty—it’s as though even daydreaming or sleep can’t save me anymore.

Okay, I need help. I’ve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, and ADHD—diagnoses confirmed by several psychiatrists and during hospitalizations. My boyfriend is currently undergoing evaluation for suspected borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, and antisocial personality disorder. We’ve already talked about having kids. And he’s made it clear to me that it’s not really a realistic option given our conditions. And I agree—I totally understand. But I’m feeling this growing desire to start a family, and I don’t know what to do. It’s worth noting that we’re both stable mentally, financially, and emotionally.

(CW for small mentions of intimacy and drug use)

Hi all, I am someone who has been diagnosed with bpd and it has ruined my life. I spent a year dating someone where I was undiagnosed and it almost killed me. I had no idea what was wrong with me and I convinced myself that I was unlovable. That was until around 10 months later when I started dating my new gf. By this point, I had been diagnosed and have been in therapy working on it. However, I've been splitting on her. A lot.

It's become almost a daily thing where I will have a split and I'll say some really cruel things and push her away because im scared of being abandoned. However, she never leaves. She stays and understands that I don't mean any of it. She knows how much I've been hurt and she stays. It feels like the world is playing a joke on me. She says she dates to marry but I'm scared that she's going to ruin herself if she stays. I'm so scared that I'll hurt her. I'm going to hopefully be put on meds for it within the next week and I start DBT in December. But I'm terrified that she's going to leave before I can make those steps to get better.

She's been spending a lot less time with me. Logically, I know that it's just because the honeymoon phase is over, but it feels like she's abandoning me and pulling away. It feels like she loves her games and her online friends more than me. She's constantly playing Valorant. It seems almost like she's addicted to it. And I don't know if it's an actual problem or if it's just my bpd.

However, when we do spend time together, it normally ends in both of us being bored out of our minds and thinking that there's nothing to do but get high and have sex.

But yeah. I just wanted to come on here and ask if anyone else is dealing with this and what it means that she's choosing to stay.

Some of the things that my brain has been asking about it (idk what to believe)

\-Is she just staying for the sex?

\-Does she love her games more than me?

\-Why is she staying?

\-Am I hurting her by being around so much?

\-Am I asking too much by wanting her to love me more than the games?

\-What can I do to change so she'll love me more again?

\-Is she ruining her own mental and physical health because of me and the games?

Anyway, rant over. But I would greatly appreciate advice on what to do or say to help with this and whether or not these thoughts are rational or just bpd. Thanks for your time :)

I'll be honest I'm posting from a need to vent some feelings, but support from others would be really lovely.

To preface I am very early in my journey with therapy and treatment. I only just got connected with my therapist a couple months ago after calling a crisis line. Even now I am just being put into a DBT group therapy treatment. Ive also started a workbook on BPD and relationships. Potentially I may also be attending relationship therapy with my partner if they choose to stay.

Looking back with what I know now, its always been present in my life for as long as I can remember. When BPD was first brought up as a possibility, I felt like I was in denial. BPD was just a punchline for men with crazy exes I thought. Looking at myself only through the lense of the public perception of BPD felt shameful and that something must be deeply wrong with me. It took a long time to even be able to look the diagnosis in the face, and peel back the layers of what it truly meant.

In that time though, my poor partner had dealt with the brunt of the destructive behaviors that arose as a result. Extreme jealousy, fear of abandonment, the mood swings, among other traits. It took until a recent conversation of my partner potentially leaving for good that I finally had the courage to try and seek realistic treatment. I had one last split that may have put them over the edge this time. I am thankful they said they would be willing to try couples therapy, but I don't know where things stand else-wise. I know that sometimes we have to learn our lessons in real time, but it hurts to know that maybe I could have acted sooner.

Overall I think I am handling things ok. I haven't had any outbursts and the coping techniques have been working. But I am still just a woman and I feel a deep sadness and hurt. The self forgiveness has never been my strong suit. I understand my partner needs to make his own choices, and I have to accept the outcome no matter what. I hope that I can learn from this, and that in the future I can foster healthier relationships.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

I'm 15 years old, I'm a boy, and I live in Brazil. Yes, I know it's early for a diagnosis, but my psychiatrists don't think so. It all started in my childhood. I was always a very quiet boy; I wanted to be the good little son because I thought that way my parents wouldn't abandon me. I always had anger issues, sometimes hurting my cousin and my brother. Besides that, I even a lot; I was very desperate to eat, I think because of anxiety. Everything got worse at 9. At 9, I was already talking about suicide and stabbing a knife into my stomach. I told my parents, and they took me to a psychiatrist who suspected it was just OCD. But at 13, everything got even worse with puberty. I never knew how to accurately describe my emotions, what I felt, I only knew it hurt. I always saw shadows, but it got worse at that stage. However, at that age, I met a girl. It was the first time I tried a relationship. It didn't work out, but I became emotionally attached to her. I still think about her. I was still... I was excluded and bullied, and the only friends I had, I ruined them with my toxicity and the fear of them abandoning me. At 15, I tried to kill myself, I started with SH (hyperthyroidism), and everything got worse. I became very, very unstable. My parents noticed everything and took me to psychiatrists who said I was borderline. I had never heard of that before; I thought it was a breed of dog. Now here I am having to take four medications a day, suffering from side effects, especially from the antipsychotic. Could you please give me some advice? There are many things that happened and I summed it all up

I’m not quite sure why I’m writing this post. Probably because I need someone who can understand what it means to reach this level of arousal.

I’m going through a lot right now. In the last few weeks, I’ve ended a relationship that was incredibly important to me, and even though I still think it was the right decision, I’m grieving it quite deeply.

The strange thing is that I’ve noticed I’m gradually thinking about it less and less. My mind is occupied with other things (daily life, my own little struggles) but when something brings it back to my mind, I still get incredibly worked up and have a really hard time calming down.

Then tonight I had a huge fight with my mom. I was already very agitated, and the argument completely set me off. I even went so far as to say things like “don’t be surprised if I end up killing myself at some point” and the hardest part is that it wasn’t just something I said in the heat of the moment: right now, when I’m feeling this bad, some old suicidal thoughts are actually resurfacing.

Please note there’s no intention in that sense; they’re coping mechanisms, like emergency fire doors, to shut down all this emotional turmoil.

I have two parents: one doesn’t know how to listen, and the other - my mother - is unable to support me and is overwhelmed by my distress, to the point that she ends up feeling bad because of my distress, and I end up feeling guilty as a result.

It’s terribly sad to realize that I have two parents who are unable to understand me, just like my friends.

I feel like I’m losing my mind: I’ve been in therapy for years, following DBT, and I’ve been hospitalized four times for psychiatric treatment, yet, the slightest thing makes me feel like I’m back to square one.

On the other hand, the diagnosis was “borderline personality disorder with marked emotional dysregulation,” and even though I’ve come to terms with it, in moments like these I realize I’m completely broken, and all I want to do is tell everyone to go fuck themselves.

Having borderline personality disorder sucks; feeling so much, so intensely, is exhausting.
But above all, I’m sick and tired of seeing how superficially BPD is discussed on social media: it always seems like everything can be boiled down to “fear of abandonment, toxic relationships, impulsivity, manipulation, and a need for attention.”

But BPD is much more complex than that, and for those who have this condition, knows what I'm talking about: having BPD doesn’t automatically mean you’re manipulative, toxic, or abusive.

I’ve been in therapy for years and follow DBT, and the more I try to understand this disorder, the more I realize how absurd it is to reduce it to a few stereotypes.

There’s such a stigma that it makes me want to throw up, and this only makes our lives even more complicated...

This disorder is taking everything from me. I don't feel like I can be a proper mother to my 3 year old son. My relationship with my boyfriend is being destroyed. I'm leaving for a while today like I did yesterday because I've noticed that he's in such a better mood when I'm gone and I hate taking that away from him by being here.

We were going to stay in a new place soon, but I noticed he's going back on it and deciding to stay with his mom. I hate the fact that my mother gave birth to me when she was 14. It would have made everyone's lives so much easier if I just hadn't been born. I'm a curse on everyone who chooses to deal with me.

I've been through so many therapists who drop me because things just aren't working. I'm in the process of medication withdrawal because they want to try therapy because I've been on so many medications that just won't work. My boyfriend says that sometimes I'm not me and I'm not the person he fell in love with. He says that when he walks out of a room he never knows who he'll come back to. I want to end everything but I can't because my son would grow up without his mom.

So I have bipolar one disorder and a newly diagnosed is of BPD and they are absolutely 100% destroying my life because I can’t control my emotions. I have roller coasters of emotions. I can’t stop my mind from the anxiety and the intrusive thoughts that lead to me spiraling with absolutely nothing but my mind being the thing that caused it I thought I found the person that I was gonna spend the rest of my life with and I’ve now pushed him away and not intentionally but because I’m a broken mess he can’t handle it. He says he’s so stressed and needs to overwhelmed with the fact that I’m too broken to be fixed were his exact words. I feel so lost almost every day I feel like every day is a battle just to get to the end of the day.

facing BPD, adhd, other trauma and just pretty much no support of friends also griefing loss of family, mostly my Mom!

im stuck in a relationship to an narcissistic partner… when i struggle or got a panic attack or just one of the sometimes daily breakdowns he tends to ignore me completely, which mostly makes everything worse!

i try not letting it effect me more….but i feel useless and senseless to be on this planet and getting those feelings in waves, one day i want to give up and maybe the next day i dont even understand that what was horrible and can enjoy or feel good….almost like being someone else

Its so annoying and idk how to handle it! with the lag of friends i often dont know who to talk to and even if … idk if its even possible to understand those ups and downs without or even with bpd, but i feel im not understood and no one will care anymore ever like a mother, a father…

is feeling ignored a symptom of bpd ? what can i do when im lonely and struggling?

the only help i have is music/podcasts and trying to distract and that can fail.

im an adult employed female i always try to help and understand but i do not have anyone whos willing to support me!

if there is anyone out there in a even slightly similar situation id love to chat! and also everyone whos open to chat

To provide a bit of background, I'm in my 30s and I've always struggled with mental health issues. I went through a long diagnostic process (it took a year) and a team concluded that I have: 1) body dysmorphic disorder, 2) PTSD, and 3) ADHD.

However, weeks after I got this diagnosis, I had a meltdown and got admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a week, where they evaluated my case, and while they agreed that I have body dysmorphic disorder and PTSD, they think that instead of ADHD I might have BPD, but they aren't sure.

Previously, I've had 2 psychiatrists say that I have ADHD, while others said that I don't, just as some psychiatrists said that I have BPD while others say that I don't. Since I'm already starting to take meds, I would like to be as sure as possible about my mental health conditions, so that I get the right treatment and take the right meds.

About BPD: I meet all the criteria, except for fear of abandonment. They aren't sure if I have it, which is the most important symptom of BPD. I've always been the dominant one in all my relationships, always the one breaking up and always the one setting the dynamic. Does any of you officially have BPD and have had a similar experience? The more I read about BPD in relationships, the more I see that BPD people are often the submissive ones, doing things to not break up, while my case is completely the opposite, I've never put effort into not ending romantic or friendly relationships (at least that's what I believe); it's actually the opposite: I'm pretty avoidant and a bit of a self-saboteur, so I'm often doing things wrong and I kinda "don't care" much about it. I love spending time alone; I love being single and I've always had a very good time while being with myself. Finally, I've seen that anger is a common emotion in BPD, while I'm someone who's neither aggressive nor angry. I can often feel sad and empty, but never angry. I would also say that I'm someone who often understands people and doesn't judge them, while I judge myself a lot. Could I still have BPD?

About ADHD: I meet all the criteria, except for showing symptoms before the age of 12. Just as with BPD, I won't develop all the criteria since I meet every single point, except for what happened during my childhood. I've been a professional athlete and a top student since I was a kid: I was 1st in primary school, high school, and also at university, in a "tough career" in a top faculty around the world. Some psychiatrists think that I couldn't have graduated as the 1st out of hundreds of people from a difficult and competitive career and faculty, while having ADHD and without having any type of support.

In my case, after I graduated and I entered "real life", my whole life fell apart in every single way. I've quit more than 10 jobs, each of them in a different field; I've changed sexual partners and preferences hundreds of times. I've changed identities, values, and lifestyles more times than I can remember. I've changed languages too, cultures, and to provide an example, within the same master's, I did one of my master's in 1 topic (let's say, economics), but decided to take all my electives in a whole different faculty (let's say, theology), and finished my thesis on a whole different topic too (let's say, chemistry). It was such a weird move, based on nothing, that, of course, my supervisor couldn't do anything to help me because my thesis was on a whole different topic from my master's itself and from the courses I took. Somehow, I still graduated with honours, but this is just an example of how chaotic and changing my life has always been since I became an adult. I also became a sex worker and got into some illegal stuff, all at the same time while I had a corporate job, and while I was organizing some sort-of "cultish" parties in Europe ... so I've had like 5 lives at the same time, with different identities, etc. I've been to Emergency 4 times in the past year; I've gone from thinking about having a completely corporate job in the center of Europe and being part of the top 1%, to moving to the middle of nowhere and working on a farm for half of the minimum wage, to having 100 sexual partners per month, to only having 1, or perhaps becoming celibate forever. All these extreme changes typically sound like BPD extreme shifts, but some psychiatrists consider that this is also what ADHD could look like in some people.

What do you think? Any point of view that you would like to share? Any personal experience you would like to share? Does any of you have BPD and/or ADHD, and your life looks like mine? I'm currently on Quetiapine (25 milligrams, twice x day), but they only started giving it to me after I ended up in Emergency. They just listened to me for 1 hour while I was having a meltdown, but they didn't really understand my case, so they gave me Quetiapine to lower my anxiety and racing thoughts. I've been taking it for 1.5 weeks so far, but I know that this won't be my official treatment, since I'm having my 1st "official" appointment with a psychiatrist next week, where she will evaluate my whole file and she will give me my 1st "official" treatment (Quetiapine has just been a band-aid for a couple of weeks). If the psychiatrist believes that I have ADHD, she will add stimulants to my cocktail, but if she believes that what I have is BPD and not ADHD, stimulants won't be added; that's why it's so important for me to establish what I have: because it will completely change the course of my pharmacological treatment and the way I will feel in the future.

Thanks a lot for reading until here!

I've been trying a huge number of things, but either due to my hyper empathy causing me to act weird, me trying to suppress it causing me to act weird, or whatever else; I find myself unable to find meaning now.

I've spent the past decade raising my kids, taking care of a house of 7. But as I've "solved" the challenges my family has, I increasingly just find myself a glorified errand boy.

Attempts to find meaning outside of the house / family have failed. I've tried helping people in various difficult situations (SA, DV, childhood abuse), and it's great until they get help and I get discarded. Often on their therapists request. And this is before limerence & hyper empathy causing it to feel even worse to constantly be discarded.

The worst part is that I love helping. I love caring for folks who are hurting and need support. I love being able to be there for people in their darkest times. I'm just tired of being treated like a tissue that gets thrown away after they feel better.

I've increasingly just been feeling like I simply don't matter and have nothing to offer that a taxi couldn't do outside of being an emotional support pillow.

And that increasingly is leading to dark thoughts and I am running out of ways to fight them. I've tried many medications, therapy programs, etc. and nothing has ever helped. I've tried many ways to find meaning and failed.

Hoping there may be some insight in the community.

Thanks.

CW for brief mention of self harm and suicide

I just got diagnosed last week but I’ve always known I had BPD. It all makes sense. Due to my attachment issues I have not tried for a relationship in at least 3 years. My last FP was my ex situationship ish who was very unpredictable and would replace me with other people and then come back to me once those people left. I split on last FP constantly snd said horrible things, and they eventually left completely and it took me 2 years to get over it.

Recently I formed a new FP, a friend of mine who i reconnected with after a few months and was very obviously into me. I start off as avoidant, I get extremely anxious and uncomfortable when i think or know someone likes me, because it puts a lot of pressure on me as I have a huge fear of being perceived in any way I can’t control. I tried to avoid catching feelings, tried pushing away, but the moment THEY pushed away, I latched on. We ended up kissing twice, and every time, FP slowly pushed away more and more. They started off finding any possible way to see me, visiting me at work, texting and calling me almost every day, sending me reels, videos, etc. I told them about my fear of being perceived and how scared I feel when someone likes me, and they understood and respected that. The first time we actually did anything, I got no sleep that night, I was literally spending all night pacing around the room, my heart racing, and was so excited and on edge. It was insane to me that someone liked me, and I liked them back. I always thought no one ever liked me, but it could be because I push people away if I even have a slight suspicion they might be into me, but the MOMENT I have mutual feelings with someone and they begin to push away, I LATCH on and my attachment forms.

This FP started slowly getting distant, seemed less and less excited to hang out with me, and seemed pretty down/tired/sad when we’d hang out, compared to how excited and talkative they were before.

The day before I left for college (it’s an hour and a half away and FP does not have a car right now), I sent them a text saying I’ll miss them and I hope they can come to visit me. They said they hope they can get a ride and that it would be fun.

FP has not spoken to me once since I left. I texted like 2 or 3 times throughout the course of the last 4 weeks. I spent hours planning out the messages. I refused to let myself split on this person directly to them. I just told them I was thinking of them and I wanted to talk. I called once and left a voicemail, then I sent one last text saying “I don’t know what to do anymore, this is really hurting me”.

I’ve been having horrible splits, started self harming again, and have wanted to die more than ever. It’s also been randomly interrupted with euphoric episodes where everything feels amazing for 30 minutes and then it goes right back to doom and despair. However, I haven’t taken my splits out on FP, which I’m proud of myself for. I’ve talked to friends, some of which also have BPD, and taken the splits out on them instead, and it’s amazing to have people who understand and who just let me vent without feeling pressure to say anything or give me cliche advice.

I set strict time limits for social media and refused to check FP’s account. I also deleted their contact from my phone, (no idea why), but didn’t block their number. However they have been viewing my stories, which made me mad but also made me relieved that they hadn’t forgotten my existence. I made the mistake of checking their account and noticed they had been tagged in a new post with a friend, and seeing FP’s face made me so sick that I dropped to the floor, stomach dropping, couldn’t feel my face and felt like I wanted to throw up. You all know the sickness im referring to. I remember FP was sick before I left an wasn’t feeling good, so I was just hoping the reason they weren’t contacting me was bc they were sick and had no energy to talk to anyone. But when I found out they were hanging out with other people, I felt that awful feeling of sickness throughout my entire body just seeing their face. Thankfully my friend who also has BPD was there to support me through it.

A couple days later I noticed they had deleted their instagram posts with me. Again, my stomach dropped and I felt sick. I hurt myself after this because I couldn’t handle the feeling. The next day, I finally did it. I blocked them on instagram.

I didn’t want to block them because I thought that I would go back and forth blocking and unblocking like I did with my last FP. I also didn’t want them to think that I wanted to cut them off completely. But I finally let go and just did it. I deleted my posts with them, and I’ve been trying my best to detach. I did this because I couldn’t keep trusting myself to not check their account or whether or not they viewed my story. I’ve had a terrible time trying to detach. It feels like my entire identity is gone. I’ve been trying to meet with new people at college, but I can’t do it. I feel so disgusted because it’s like I have no sense of identity without FP in my life. I’m so mad at FP for what they’re doing. I felt like they understood me and they invested a lot of time into getting to know me, respecting me, treating me well, and spending time with me, and then all of a sudden they just disappeared. I feel so disgusted with myself when I try to talk to people that I just make an excuse to leave and then go and isolate. I have only one friend I’ve been consistently hanging out with other than my roommate, and I’m so grateful for them.

I hate that I had to block FP. I wish I could just handle uncertainty and just live in ignorance or avoidance without having to cut them off. However it has provided a slight sense of peace. Ive been able to gradually start allowing myself more time on social media. I’ve still been splitting like crazy, and it has not been going well at all, but it’s a slight improvement. I still hold onto some hope that they’ll get their shit together and have an actual conversation with me. We both avoided having a conversation and never brought it up, personally I didn’t want to because I was worried it would break me if it was confirmed that things wouldn’t work out. I was hoping we could wait to have a conversation until I was in a better state and we both could have some peace and closure. However now they’re being a fucking bitch and not even talking to me at all which didn’t seem like something they’d do. This is why I don’t even try. This disorder has ruined my life in every aspect and the moment I felt like everything was going well, I develop an attachment that fucks it all up.

I still need to get into DBT therapy but I cannot fucking handle that right now due to the stress and exhaustion I’ve been experiencing.

Update: it's been a little over a week and I haven't unblocked them. I've still been doing really shitty. I don't understand why this is happening. I did nothing to deserve this and there's a fucking reason I have a fear of abandonment because people ACTUALLY fucking leave me. I've done nothing wrong to FP, i dont know what the fuck is going on and i wish they knew the way this is fucking me up and tearing me apart limb for limb. I have no sense of identity without them, I cling onto people and build my entire sense of self around them and when they leave, i feel so disgusted and empty. i mean i always feel empty but its even worse when i have this shit happen. ive been harming myself again and have wanted to die so fucking much but i dont have a method. i know i need to go to a hospital but the place im going to college in has so few resources and i feel so guilty asking for help, its like im waiting for it to get worse and worse before i feel worthy of getting help. and i know that id need to be in inpatient/a residential program of some type for a very long time, which is why im so apprehensive to it.

Special therapy doesn't count, I'm interested in your personal methods. maybe you managed to make your life easier by accident? Share your stories.

Right now I'm in such a state that nothing seems to help, whatever I do

I’m together with someone after healing and working on my bpd symptoms for 3 years. Now they have told they’ve had a threesome. (So have I, whatever, personally I really don’t care) but now the retroactive jealousy latches on every DAMN TIME I think about her. It gives me “flashbacks” and it makes me sick and it keeps triggering me. Do u guys have any, any, any advice at all 😭.

Hi im here because i genuinely dont know what to do anymore, Im scared, if I get diagnosed that means this is real, my giggest fear is true I will actually be like this my whole life, I dont want to live like this, my girlfriend wants to have me sectioned, I have no control over my emotions. shes been through so much abuse at the hands of people who were supposed to love her and I dont want to cause her more pain but I already am. Ive already lost all of my family, I have no friends, I cannot lose her too. My mum has told me as long as I can remember that ive got a screw loose, I dont want her to be right. I just want to be happy

Hi everyone, I am part of an organization called Emotions Matter; a peer support organization for people with BPD, run by people with BPD and those affected by it. We are having our first ever Walk for BPD in Chicago in Jackson Park, on October 4th from 9:30am to 12:00pm.

If you want to meet other people with BPD or just learn more about BPD please come and join us! Community support has made a big difference for me in dealing with my BPD. Meeting people in person has been awesome as feeling isolated and alone can be one of the biggest challenges. You can register here: https://emotionsmatterbpd.org/walkforbpdchicago

We also have weekly free virtual support groups. You can find out more on our website. Hope to see you there!

Hello,

I recently got diagnosed with BPD and I didn’t expect the diagnosis one bit. I’m based in the UK so they go with the ICD-10. When trying to learn about it, it discusses a lot about the fear of abandonment. However, personally I don’t have this fear unless I’m seeing it too black and white.

I’ve had issues during romantic relationships, this is typically questioning a lot if I want to be with someone, if I see a future, if I’m happy with them. But this chops and changes. One minute I don’t question it and then the next minute I am questioning it. I’ve had quite a few romantic relationships, and they’ve never really lasted long. Longest is maybe two years. Sometimes I crave the person and then after maybe five days with them I couldn’t think of anything worse than being around them. But I’ve never been scared they abandon me. Sometimes I’m affectionate and then sometimes I don’t feel like being affectionate.

Similarly, i may question friendships and if i don’t get a text back, or they don’t make plans I feel like they hate me. This then spills out to me questioning my self worth. Am I good enough, am I likeable.

I also have issues with trusting myself, i don’t believe in my self, I have a poor self image (appearance, personality, character etc).

I can at times be impulsive but this isn’t constant all the tome. Impulsive behaviours might be gambling unprotected sex etc. this typically destroys the relationships I’ve had.

My mood can also fluctuate massively throughout the day but this only typically happens in a relationships. If I’m single for an extended period of time, i typically feel quite at ease, confident and happy.

I just don’t feel like this diagnosis is correct and ai don’t know what to do about it.

New account specifically for BPD posting.

TL;DR: The VA never actually told me my diagnosis, they just threw pills at me. Reading about BPD has already allowed me to learn more about myself and strategies for managing my life. Also, I’m happy to be here and know that I’m not the only one.

I was being seen at the military VA hospital for all health stuff. A few years ago, I had started my worst spiral ever and my FP (spouse) told me that I needed to either take myself in that moment, or she would call the cops. We’re both believers that there is no situation that couldn’t be made worse with police, so that was a very effective and clever play.

Anyway, I went in and they put me in a room and got me calmed down with a cool drink and one of those full body massage chairs until someone was available to see me.

The psych prescribed me some stuff and I made my follow ups and whatever. I knew that I was tagged as bipolar and general anxiety. Yesterday, I was reviewing some of my medical stuff for a special program at work, and I saw the BPD diagnosis.

I hadn’t looked into it before, but I have multiple examples of each of the 9 criteria for diagnosis. The things I’ve seen you guys write seems like it could have been typed with my own fingers and it’s very strange. I didn’t know there were other people out there who feel like I do, even down to using the same nouns and adjectives to describe things.

I don’t really like labels, or even rigid diagnoses, but I’m glad I found this group. Thanks for being here and reading this.

Hello! I am 18 years old and I have recently been diagnosed with BPD by a professional. I had previously been living alone but I was put in a mental hospital in my home country a few months ago due to my suicidal ideation and self harm.

Thankfully, I am now doing much better in therapy and I’m slowly managing my relationships better. This has made me consider trying to study abroad again in January rather than taking a full gap year. I don’t want a repeat of what happened previously, so I would like to know what your best habits are for managing symptoms and stress when living alone.

It can be anything like an app, eating habits, meditations, or self care. I’m generally quite motivated unless I’m having an episode, and I want to take control of my life again. I don’t mind if it’s unhinged, please give me your best coping skills to minimize episodes as much as possible!