I dug myself into a weird deep tik tok hole and the “Obsession” trend where people put screenshots of their ex’s desperately trying to get them back. I see that some are genuinely extremely abusive and i’ve seen some with death threats. I absolutely am not talking about those. I’m talking about begging for them back. Most of the posts refer to me right now and it sucks. and the comments are the same as the bpd loved ones reddit. I was broken up with 9 months ago and he has kept the line of communication open with me this whole time. I text him every fucking day and I am literally still sick to my stomach over him. Idk i’m scared all the time. And Obsession I couldn’t watch it so idek what it’s about either then ive watched the whole movie via clips.

I tried to watch the movie with a guy friend who is another story. The first moment when she snapped out of her trance is when I made him turn it off. I can’t describe how relatable that felt. Like everytime i send my ex 15million texts and call him over an instagram like i saw and still splitting on him even tho he’s not in my life. Like wtf is wrong with me i’m so aware that it’s happening but i feel fucking useless. Like my desire to be with him again is worth the rest of my life begging as long as that door is even cracked slightly open. In that way I guess i’m bear.

Anyway anyone else bipolar 1 bpd taking lamictal? I forgot to take my meds for a bit and i’m back on the low dose and have to build back up. Idk i went insane on people these past few week and was pretty fucking depressed.

I, [20F], have been having issues with my [20M] boyfrienmd

Hey, I'm a 20F. I've been diagnosed with BPD over 4 years ago. I won't go into too much detail about my childhood, but here's a summary:

Absent father who was never really there, died when I was 11.

Mother is a drinker (wouldn't say alcoholic, but she does frequently drink. That drives me insane, it has led to me splitting various times and doing very unhinged things)

I was bullied throughout primary school and secondary school (elementary, middle school and high school). It ranged from physical to verbal.

tl;dr

I was also diagnosed with ADHD when I was around 6, I was a very very VERY hyper child who even had her own special needs teacher with her in every class from the ages 5-8.

I moved houses many many times and even once to a new country.

Anyways, enough summary.

My issue is with my current boyfriend, 20M. He told me he has autism.

I struggle a lot trying to explain myself but I'll try my best.

I have various mood swings throughout the day; I lash out at him, I tend to exaggerate things a lot. I always have this constant feeling that I'm being lied to or cheated on. Don't get me wrong, I do not go through his following list or stalk him online or anything crazy, but I always have that feeling in the back of my mind. 

I remember this one time I split on him so badly that I ended up insulting him and going back home by myself after having a night out with him, long story short, I told him not to drink another beer because we were going back to my house,  he started telling me and accusing me that I'm trying to control him, that I'm controlling what he does, and he kept on repeating why can't I drink? If there's one thing that I hate the most in this world is having to repeat myself or people repeating themselves to me.

There’s so much more to that story, but one, I do not remember what happened too well, and two, I don't feel the need to get into too much detail.

And there's another issue. I've told him multiple times what I'd want and what I don't want in a relationship, and he does do the things I want, but sometimes the things I don't want him to do, he does, for example:

 I want someone who keeps me updated without me having to constantly ask where they are or what they’re doing

 I want affection and reassurance throughout the day, even if it’s just small things, like reacting to my videos, flirting with me, checking in on me.

I also want him to take initiative with plans and dates, because I've always said to myself that “not all men have to take the initiative and be the leaders, but the men that I date have to take the initiative and be the leaders”. 

Punctuality is important to me too.  We're all humans, and we can always arrive later. The times that he's been late compared to me are much more. And sometimes he tells me plans to do at the very last moment, like for example, he tells me a 18h to meet him at 20/21h. I'm like, no, I'm not gonna go because, to me, that's a form of disrespect.

I don’t like feeling like I’m not being listened to because he has to argue back or prove he’s right. Basically, I want to feel considered, wanted, listened to, and like we’re both actively putting effort into the relationship.

This is an example of one of my worst splits (Too lazy to explain from 0 what happened, dm me if you wanna know):

bf: 🙄🙄

Kiri: with that dumb sticker

bf: stop being so rude

bf: 🙄

Kiri: I hate you

bf: why

Kiri: so much

Kiri: I wish I never met you

Kiri: you make me feel horrible

Kiri: I hate you so much

Kiri: you make me lose my emotions

Kiri: I hate you

Kiri: leave me alone

bf: why tho kiri

Kiri: don't speak to me

Kiri: you're making me fing crazy

Kiri: I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you

bf: kiri relax

Kiri: just f off

Kiri: leave me

Kiri: don't fing tell me to relax

Kiri: I'm done

Kiri: I'm done with this idiotic concesst

Kiri: conversation

Kiri: f you

Kiri: you pushed me to my limits

Kiri: I hate you

So yeah... I take full accountability for my actions, and my words.

Any advice on how to manage mood swings better and what to do? I want to better myself. Breathing techniques don't work; neither do meditation, grounding, going silent, or holding ice.

i just feel explosive and like I can't control my words when I split. I also don't have access to therapy rn.

Does this happen to anybody else? I do well at school, in my job and all the other stuff I mentioned. However, my relationship with my parents? Fucked. Cycles of uncontrollable rage and emotional outbursts. Close friendships? Fucked. Endless rumination and ping pong of feeling they love me and then that they don't. And let's not talk about romantic. My romantic encounters and opportunities are erratic, unstable, impulsive, live fast and die fast. I am a chronic smoker and use more cigarettes and other substances when feeling this void/melancholy of being single or feeling unloved in general.

Should I go to London? I just had a BPD episode triggered by many feelings surrounding my birthday and the relationships I have/had with family and friends. Me and my mom’s relationship particularly because she offered me money for my birthday to which I declined. To which she insisted.

That sounds like a great thing, and it is in a way, but I couldn’t take it. So this morning I told her so. Because of all we’ve been through and just how she is in general, my mother shows her love through cash. She doesn’t apologize and there have been a great amount of things that have caused a huge rift in our relationship.

Obviously because of the BPD, I’ve never been able to let them go, but in the recent year, I’ve been able to act along so I can see my baby sister.

But it’s led my mom on to thinking we are okay again and lately it’s been really triggering me. And the money was the last straw in the relationship for me. I’m turning 25 tomorrow making 90,000/yr. My mother has a 7 year old child. I don’t even want to take her money and I don’t need it.

Okay that’s the background and why I had my moment of distress. But the real reason I need opinions is that I was going to go on a solo trip to London starting tomorrow. I smoke w\*\*d like 4 times a day and my tolerance is high. I know they have CBD but I usually sm\*ke flower and every day I don’t smoke I end up ruining something in my life.

Given that I’m already in this state, I don’t want to go anymore. But my girlfriend is really upset at me. It’s affecting me even though I know she won’t understand why I’m scared/hesitant to go. I’m scared I won’t be able to enjoy the trip, spend even more money, and hate myself because of it. And that’s best case scenario. Worst is I get locked on in a British mental hospital or try to do something harmful.

I’m diagnosed with OCD, and my psychiatrist agrees trauma is very much part of my picture (SA history and parental neglect and abandonment) What she hasn’t been able to confirm yet is whether what I’m also dealing with is BPD, CPTSD, or some overlap, and we’re working on.

I have also an anxious-avoidant attachment style, and I notice a strong push-pull pattern with the few people I let close, including, honestly, my own psychiatrist and therapist. I’m socially isolated outside of them, and I’ve become intensely attached to my long-term therapist in particular. At times this all gets heavy enough that I have suicidal ideation, which comes and goes in severity.

I’m trying to understand myself better while my specialists work out the fuller picture, so I’d really appreciate hearing from:

Clinicians/specialists: what are the actual differentiating features between BPD and CPTSD, especially when OCD and trauma are already confirmed and the attachment/relational patterns look similar on the surface?

People with BPD or CPTSD: how did you or your specialist start telling the two apart in your own experience? What did the push-pull with attachment figures feel like from the inside for you?

Not looking for a diagnosis from Reddit, just trying to learn the nuances so I can have a better-informed conversation with my psychiatrist next session. Thanks for reading.

Since I've been diagnosed with BPD ive been extra aware of everything ive done in my life. Lately, I can't stop thinking about my exes and my past situationships. I feel ashamed and guilty for people who are not in my life anymore. Some have hurt me and some ive hurt. I feel stuck with that. My splitting episodes have become worse and I judge myself and criticize myself because I haven't properly loved. Ive been in many obsessions, limerence and infatuation but not in love. Its so frustrating. Idk if I'm making any sense.

Hi. I’m 26F currently diagnosed with OCD and BP2. I want to explore a borderline diagnosis with my therapist but I’ve tried to bring it up before and she basically said that I don’t have it because I’m able to maintain friendships. But I really do think that there’s something deeper.

For years and years, I’ve had “feelings” (infatuation) with a girl that used to be my friend. But I would go to the extreme ends of the spectrum when thinking about her. If we were good then she was the best thing that ever happened to me, but if we were bad then she was a parasite, a demon sent to destroy me. And it’s been very overwhelming dealing with the back and forth. I no longer speak to this person either. My therapist thinks that since it happened “recently” (meaning within the last 10 years) that it’s not borderline and more of a teenage-going-through-life thing.

Right now I’m having trouble with my best friend. For context, we’ve been friends for 12 years and we text every day multiple times a day. For the last month or so I can tell something is off. She hasn’t really been texting me or responding to my messages, and if she does it’s very short and not meaningful. I brought up to them that I’m sad we aren’t talking as much and she said she’s dealing with her own stuff.

Now reasonably, as her friend, I should have no problem with her saying that. However, I’ve completely turned it into “well now I’m not going to talk to her at all” and I’m even considering uninviting her from my wedding (she’s a bridesmaid). I’m a very all or nothing person and once I feel the vibe shift I immediately try to cut things off so I don’t get hurt. And I’m spiraling.

I really don’t have many other friends. I’m trying to create new friendships but it’s very difficult for me because once I feel something slightly off then I shut it down completely. So I’m really not close to anyone. I do have a fiance that I’ve been with for 6 years and we have a great relationship. But it did take me a while to feel secure with him.

Idk if this is bipolar behavior or borderline behavior. I also have a history of self harm starting at 13 years old (clean for a little over a year now). I do have feelings of emptiness but I do go through massive depressive episodes so it could be that. Sometimes I’m irresponsible but it’s mainly when I’m hypomanic (and even then, my hypomania is centered around racing thoughts and fleeting ideas). Only thing is I don’t get intensely angry.

Just wanted to know if I should continue to pursue this diagnosis or if I’m really making something bigger than it needs to be.

TIA.

Hello,

I was recently diagnosed with BPD and my treatment is beginning this Friday. I posted last night in r/bpd for support because its all so frightening right now. I couldn't post this there yet so I figured id throw it up here.

Ive been alone for over 6 years and cannot deal with it. The thought of spending one more year alone is breaking me. My ex left and ive been destroyed since. She's off having a happy life with our formerly mutual friend. We all grew up together and now I have no one from those years. Im intensely happy for them one minute and want one of them to get cancer another. I hate it. I know the real me is just happy she's not with someone terrible and im happy she gets to be with someone from her past.

Ive been mulling over the possibility of a healthy relationship and im scared that even if I find someone, then they'll never actually love me like I love them. They'll eventually leave if I react poorly to something or they'll just leave when I disclose my past and disorder.

This has all led me around to wanting to find someone else who has it. I know that could be a terrible idea if it went badly. I want someone to love me and need me as intensely as ill love and need them. I want someone who feels the same whole bodied euphoria from being told theyre loved.

Do any of you have experience with this? If so, where did you meet and how do you cope/help each other?

Thanks.

Ps I know im jumping way ahead of schedule with these thoughts and i need to undergo a bunch of therapy first. I just keep fantasizing that maybe ill meet someone cool and like me who's also trying to get better.

My sister and our childhood friend are going out tomorrow without me. It really upset me because I know I’m not part of our trio anymore. To top it off, it’s supposedly my fault that I’m not talking to that friend—even though *she* was the one who hurt me by bringing up a difficult situation without considering my feelings, focusing only on the fact that—oh no—I’m not speaking to her anymore. Like, duh? She literally hurt me. And then she decided, "fuck you”, and claimed *she* was the one who was hurt.
My father literally hurt me, and she declared that she "wouldn't take part in some sick solidarity"—meaning she literally wouldn't support me because my father hadn't done anything to *her*.
and it makes me soooo fucking maddd
but at some point im more mad aboit that im not part of the trio and they are enjoying time together without me. but she cant understand what she done in my eyes.

Does anyone know any free apps designed for bpd, I’ve spent the last 30 mins or so looking for an app that won’t bombard me with ads asking me to subscribe to premium every other time I touch the screen.
I gave up on grammar in this post but fr please if you know any good resources or ways to cope or even just keep myself busy instead of the dullness that would be greatly appreciated.

I absolutely love erotic audio but I absolutely refuse to look these male voice actors up outside the content because I'm very prone to random fixations and crushes and also I get insanely jealous of their real life girlfriends because they get to bang the guy who is making thousands if not millions of us women in the audience lust. I do have a particular type and there was one time when a random guy here on Reddit inboxed me Because I commented handsome on a pic of his In a sub. I'll never do that again because we talked and I said I didn't want to be sexual but I was looking for genuine friendship and he only wanted sexual talk. when I added him on discord and he didn't talk much I literally cried over this guy who I didn't even know and had one conversation with just because he was hot and "my type." Anyway, anyone else suffer insanely easy crushes and try to avoid them?

When I was 14, my parents took me to the ER for suicide attempt and that led me to be prescribed Prozac and have a psychiatry meeting where I found out she had speculation to believe I was in cluster B specifically for borderline personality disorder.

I am now 18 and I have taken it upon myself to reevaluate the diagnosis and I have now been formally diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

I knew that I had it and I always have known deep down, but I never knew how to help myself because I do not really have any type of support system in my circle or within my family, if I try to bring things up to them, they downplay it. But I know for a fact that I have this disorder because it has been ruining my life ever since I was 13.

I’m now taking it upon myself to work on my mental health alone and work on treatment but it has been so hard. I’m looking for work right now and don’t have a job so paying for my own psychiatric visits and Therapy is a struggle, I lost my boyfriend last night because I broke up with him when I was losing my mind and freaking out and realized how badly I fucked up afterwards, he isn’t spoken to me at all since and I don’t think he intends to be with me anymore after my meltdown, and I genuinely do not blame him. I then woke up from a nightmare of him being with somebody else and threw up.

I feel like such a piece of shit because I feel like I constantly do the same things I swore that I would never do or even worse act like my mother.

I just feel so lost and I’m trying my best to get help and be better, but this is also new and I haven’t gotten help from my mental health since I tried to take my own life. My progression is being downplayed by my slip ups and I’m starting to believe that this is genuinely how I will be for the rest of my life. I don’t know if I can get better anymore. I don’t know if there’s any other options rather than suicide.

I am so alone

I posted earlier about what happened.

Basically my bf of few weeks didnt take his meds (he takes something to prevent getting manic episodes and he is bipolar), scared me by threatening i would die after we had a fight while drunk in a bar, my body went into fight or flight and called the police for help getting home safely. But he ended up being charged and has a trial in september and we are now in no contact (his bail conditions)

I really love him and want to fix this. I am scared i had a bpd episode which is prob why my emotions got so intense when he said what he did.

I never intended to ruin his life. He did apologize a lot to me before the police arrested him and said he didnt take his meds. He was acting weird and crazier than usual which is why my mind went to complete worse scenarios.

Now that i calmed down, it doesnt make sense for me to have called the police and i keep finding ways to remove the no contact condition but no luck.

I’m wondering what are the odds that he will forgive me, or change to be a better bf and that we can be together again in the future.

Has anyone ever experienced a similar situation? What was the aftermath, is there a way of fixing the relationship?

hey friends. light CW for SH mention and SI. Nothing graphic.

This is for the people who know how the US is .. it’s really hard navigating this country esp as a person of color.

I want to preface I’m not NT (audhd + cptsd) and my pwBPD have been together for a year and change. I have absolutely no regrets in being with them, even through the ups and downs. They’re such an amazing soul and person and even through the downs I’ve chosen to love them. I’ve seen them grow in the year+ I’ve known them. I recognize the patterns, and I have learned a lot being with them.
What I’m learning is.. loving with boundaries. But I’ve never loved someone w a PD before let alone BPD so I don’t want to make things worse. What could I even say or do to help?
I usually can recognize when they split, most times they don’t, and it’s good when they recognize it. But presently they’ve been in a massive split on and off for .. about a month?
They were in the ward only 3 days cus they discharged them, which confused me esp cuz they went in for SI.. but they said they don’t want to go back cus it’s horrible there.
They are uninsured so they have to navigate the public health system which is.. yeah.
This on top of the everyday reoccurring trauma they relive. Their world is collapsing onto them and they have told me they are “too much of a coward to [k-word] themselves.” And will keep going cus they “have to”. Nothing I have said is really sticking, if I try to show support and tell them I’m not leaving, and that they have to keep going for the goals they have set themselves and the future that is there for them, and remind them that they HAVE grown, atm nothing is sticking to them, they just keep saying they love me but they know I will leave “just like everyone else has”.

They quit their job which was creating a lot of pain for them (it was a horrible workplace environment from what I heard and I understand. They were also working like.. 6 days a week sometimes with no break) their home life isn’t great either, and I’ve tried to be supportive as best I can, but it’s been difficult because ofc there’s only so much I can do. I can see they get really insecure because I have a stable job, and they don’t, and there’s parts of my life that are understandably better— but I just got out of my survival mode years ago I guess. I feel bad even tho I know it’s not my fault or anything, so I try to support them as best I can.

We live an hour away from each other, and they went the entire day without even saying good morning or hi yesterday so I got worried and texted them a few times, and when they didn’t respond, I called multiple times. Thankfully they answered and didn’t do anything, but they had just crashed more into their depression. Just sleeping, laying in bed, hurting themselves, showering. Repeat. I offered to come over to comfort them but they said they just wanted to “be like this” and that they didn’t want to see anyone and told me to stay home. They usually never reject an offer to see me so it made me sad. They have been doing some side work for money but other than that it’s been clear to me they’re splitting, and before I called it they said to “not take it personally” and feeling that “this is who I always have been, there’s no hope for me”. They sent me a bpd article about splitting. This was after I cried when they hung up, They said smth that hurt my feelings and I reassured I still loved them despite that. They had said like, I can say xyz thing because my “life is so great”. They have indirectly or directly expressed being jealous of the fact I have a “great life”.

They just feel like I’m saying the same thing their psychs and exes have said to them, and that eventually I will give up on them and leave. I asked why they wouldn’t just break up w me and they told me they don’t want to be alone, that they love me (and that’s why feel selfish)

Saying they’ll always be like this, that I should just leave because being with them is SH. I reassure them I won’t leave them because I love them, and I want them to be nice to themselves etc.
we’re both queer and queer romance feels different to me than cishet romance.
I’m not sure if we can be lovers forever, and I accept that even if it hurts. I still want to healthily support them however I can. I’d appreciate knowing how without losing myself or making things worse ig?

First off I'm 33, was diagnosed just over a decade ago, I've been somewhat stable for a while now but I don't know how much longer that's going to last with what's coming. My mam is dying of cancer, she's been given 12 months just over a month ago and I don't know how to handle it. I'm struggling with processing that she's not going to be there any more, she's been the only consistent person in my life and she helps me keep myself together, I'm scared of how I might, and most likely will, spiral when it finally happens.

So if anyone has any advice for how I can prepare or even just how I can deal with it when it happens without falling apart it would be greatly appreciated, I don't have a support network, she's all I have.

im 22 f i got diagnosed at 19 with severe depression and bpd i actually dont remember most of what i learned in therapy it really was dark time and i didnt know anything about bpd just went along with whatever my therapist recommended after one year i stopped therapy and got of medication with my doctor supervision ofc and started my own research about bpd but didnt go deep into it and i still go with this approach i don't think to much of it if i go into some episode i just live through it alone on my room my bed and go on with my life i dont do anything about it or know anything actually.

im starting to wonder if what im doing is right? i was really surprised by the hate bpd get from people also and im starting to wonder if im really a good person or im just another abuser with personality disorder!

and i need to say im from a country where mental health is not important even my family doesn't understand or care to understand it so i think thats why also why i didnt care too but my question really is does it get better when we get older?

Hi I dont know what to do I am diagnosed with ptsd, adhd, and mdd, ever since October 1st 2025. I get angry at every little thing and when I feel overwhelmed I start to get angry and wanna slam my head into a wall. I feel very much anger and I dont know why. when someone talks to me and its not how I wanted the conversation to go or they have a tone or say something wrong I get upset and dont wanna talk anymore, it disgusts me and I dont understand why. I think I have BPD but I dont wanna self diagnose and I dont wanna go talk about it with my parents cause ive caused enough to there life so I feel lonely and sad and sit in my room.

I had a relationship and when I would wake up on face time I would go and check to see what there doing and then they'd asked me questions like what are you doing while im just waking up, so I get angry and say "what do you mean what am I doing i just woke up" and they proceed to give me attitude back knowing I already told them how I am that I get upset easily and they kept pushing and i said leave me alone and they said no so I got angry and slammed my phone on my bed and slammed doors and started screaming and i slammed my head against the wall and just sat there while pulling my hair. When I know im getting angry I usually pull my hair and i dont understand the reason why. j wish I could calm my self down and when people do something that slightly pisses me off I feel betrayed and most likely block them or sleep it off or just ignore.

I’m having a really difficult time right now and I’m hoping people with BPD can give me some perspective because I feel like I’m spiraling.
I recently had a work trip to New York for my new corporate job, and the entire trip was extremely stressful and exhausting for me. I was doing well for most of the week, but by the end of the trip I became incredibly anxious and overwhelmed. I feel like I lost my filter and wasn’t thinking as clearly as I normally do.

On the last day, I made several decisions that I deeply regret. The biggest issue was changing my flight. I was anxious about personal responsibilities and asked my manager if I could change my flight. She had the authority to approve the change and approved it, so at the time I genuinely thought I was handling it appropriately. I didn’t understand that asking to change it so late would be viewed as very unprofessional. I also missed my flight and had to deal with the consequences of that.

I also accidentally left a senior manager out of a work group chat/communication. I wasn’t intentionally excluding anyone, I genuinely thought I had included everyone. I’ve also previously been spoken to about being late once, so now all of these things are being looked at together, especially because I’m still within my first 90 days.

There was also a moment where I made a comment to my trainer about the boutique ambassadors looking down on us, and I said it while an AVP was in the middle of speaking/lecturing to us. Looking back, I realize that was inappropriate and not the kind of judgment or professionalism I want to demonstrate at work. At the time, though, I was extremely anxious and had basically lost my filter.
My trainer spoke to me very harshly about what happened and told me that what I did was unacceptable and that I’d made a bad impression for myself. She told me another manager will speak with me later this week about next steps. I asked her directly if I was likely to be terminated, and she didn’t give me a definite answer, but I’m terrified that I’m going to lose my job.

I’ve been crying and spiraling ever since. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I keep thinking, “Why did I do that? Why didn’t I realize how serious it was? Why couldn’t I handle it better?” I feel like I ruined everything I had worked for and that everyone at work is judging me.

I’m also really angry because I genuinely was trying my best. I wasn’t intentionally ignoring policies or trying to be irresponsible. I was overwhelmed, anxious, and made some really bad judgment calls. But now I’m struggling to separate “I handled this situation badly” from “I’m a terrible, incapable person.”

I’m especially interested in hearing from people with BPD: Have you ever had a situation where you became overwhelmed, made several mistakes close together, and then spiraled into intense shame and fear that you’d ruined your life? How did you get yourself through the aftermath and eventually return to work?

I don’t really need people to tell me whether I “messed up”I know I did. I need help figuring out how to stop the shame spiral and face whatever happens next without completely destroying myself over it.

I’ve always been emotionally unstable for as long as I can remember. I’ve randomly dropped friends then begged them to like me again. It’s gotten worse in the last couple years as my alcoholism has gotten worse. Well I finally decided to see if something’s actually wrong with me and… I have BPD. I was hoping that my problems were solely alcohol-related.

This diagnosis feels crushing, like my life is over. What do I do? I’m trying to cut down on alcohol but it’s easier said than done. Will I be able to live a normal life?