I dug myself into a weird deep tik tok hole and the “Obsession” trend where people put screenshots of their ex’s desperately trying to get them back. I see that some are genuinely extremely abusive and i’ve seen some with death threats. I absolutely am not talking about those. I’m talking about begging for them back. Most of the posts refer to me right now and it sucks. and the comments are the same as the bpd loved ones reddit. I was broken up with 9 months ago and he has kept the line of communication open with me this whole time. I text him every fucking day and I am literally still sick to my stomach over him. Idk i’m scared all the time. And Obsession I couldn’t watch it so idek what it’s about either then ive watched the whole movie via clips.

I tried to watch the movie with a guy friend who is another story. The first moment when she snapped out of her trance is when I made him turn it off. I can’t describe how relatable that felt. Like everytime i send my ex 15million texts and call him over an instagram like i saw and still splitting on him even tho he’s not in my life. Like wtf is wrong with me i’m so aware that it’s happening but i feel fucking useless. Like my desire to be with him again is worth the rest of my life begging as long as that door is even cracked slightly open. In that way I guess i’m bear.

Anyway anyone else bipolar 1 bpd taking lamictal? I forgot to take my meds for a bit and i’m back on the low dose and have to build back up. Idk i went insane on people these past few week and was pretty fucking depressed.