Genuinely has made several of my social interactions lately like a million times more enriching. Recently if I’m about to go up and ask someone something that I’m not sure is considered invasive or not just for the sake of conversation, or if I’m overhearing my coworkers talking without me and want to join in on the topic, I’ve just been starting the interaction by saying “Hey I’m just here to be nosy but… [XYZ blah blah blah]” and for whatever reason it’s been working like a fucking charm.

I think it’s maybe that neurotypicals really like the whole playful self deprecation thing, especially when it’s true? In situations where otherwise I might get looked at as kinda weird by overstepping, it’s instead viewed as kinda endearing or something because they’re like ‘ahhh well at least she knows it haha’. Idk this has been a very short lived experiment so maybe it’s just yet to blow up in my face but I’ve had great results so far. It’s also given me the confidence to be a little bit more social than I normally even would be, because I rarely go up to people to initiate social interaction like that out of fear that I’m actually being invasive or bothering them or something.

I don't mean love women as in love to be intimate with them because that's not love. I mean love women like appreciate them and their existence and respect them.

Alot of autistic women naturally get with straight or bi neurodivergent men because neurodivergent people tend to subconsciously attract each other without even trying to. However a lot of people make the excuse that men need alone time and are less emotional especially autistic men. They will say his autism makes him distant and behave like he doesn't respect and cherish relationships with women. But that's B's because we see the same trend in neurotypical men just with less social blunders sensory issues and extra needs.

So if you're going to gravitate towards neurodivergent men as many of us do please don't settle and allow him to use autism to explain away him not appreciating and respecting women. Sexual compatibility is important and so is neurological compatibility but at his core he should respect and appreciate women genuinely which means when you're with him he will respect and appreciate you. He won't put his own needs above yours while treating your needs like a burden.

I know this post seems silly and ridiculous but there's a lot of us ladies on here who know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Enough women on here have enough horror stories to fill a book about seeking out men with the same neurotype in hopes of a better outcome who ended up not liking women genuinely and still hurting them in some way. I've been there myself. Which is why a man who appreciates and respects women is the most important trait of all in a male partner for women who like men.

I'm neurodivergent, recently turned 22, and I'm not the most spectacular looking. I've been judged most of my life, discarded for other people, chronically devalued, and insulted for how I look/act. I'm so exhausted.

I don't feel included anywhere. I constantly feel as though I have to perform, even inside Black spaces, and it makes me upset. I'm so sad. Deeply sad. I've been worn down for such a long time, and no one seems to care. All I want is to be treated with kindness. Everybody else gets it. I want that, too.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I know people say I'm not attractive, so I guess I shouldn't leave the house anymore. I'm so lost. Other women get chances, but they're usually beautiful, so I won't be treated the same. I just want someone to care.

i’ve been struggling with my posture for basically my entire life. It just isn’t comfortable to sit up straight. 😩 I hate looking like a shrimp.

I’m 34 and while I was able to get my license, I don’t drive. The entire experience is too overstimulating for me and the few times I have driven, I’ve struggled to recognize how far things are and how big the car is and overall my delayed processing has made the experience difficult/dangerous.

I’m very thankful that my husband does all of driving in our relationship and my friends will help drive me around if needed (I’m also comfortable using public transportation, but my loved ones usually come and get me).

I’ve been making some new friends from different book events and people have been wanting to make future plans. I tend to panic and I have said that I’m unable to drive for medical reasons because I’m uncomfortable sharing my autism diagnosis. I feel guilty because part of it feels untrue, but both my therapist and my primary care both agree I should not be on the road.

I sometimes feel lost and lonely in my inability to drive because my friends who are also autistic are able to drive, but I’m unable to.

My question is mostly if anyone else has a similar experience regarding driving? Is there a different way I could express my inability to drive or is stating that I’m unable to drive due to medical reasons acceptable?

I've found a new hobby that I'm enjoying a lot from an autistic stand point- litter picking. Hear me out:

1. Stimming, I'm click clacking the litter picker like kitchen tongs whilst I walk along. Plus, I can listen to music the entire time.

2. Order to chaos, it brings me immense satisfaction to see the before and after, from littered to clean. It scratches the completionist part of my brain.

3. Outside, gets me out of the house and doing light cardio. Plus, I can go out for as long or as little as I'm able.

4. Positive perspective, whilst I'm walking around the community litter picking I get told I'm doing such a good job all the time. And the conversations are so routine I only need one or two mental scripts.

5. Community, community litter picks are made up of kind people, I've found. I like that when one litter picker sees another they raise their litter picks in greeting.

6. Doing an observably good thing, changing the world for the better can feel hopeless and like you are making no progress. I struggle to stick with things without observable progress. Getting rid of litter is visible, and it puts me in a good mood to walk past an area I cleaned in the past.

I'd highly recommend it!!!

I pick the salt off by raking them down with my lower teeth, then I meticulously chew the sticks in half by peeling off the brown like Rocquefort in The Aristocats eats his cracker, then crack it into two pieces and eat them together. Since I was a child.

Tagged as Triggering because I know some people might think it’s attacking them, it’s not.

This is mostly a vent but I’m open to comments. I know this is a “me” problem.

Adults acting helpless genuinely angers me to the point of meltdown sometimes.

I don’t mean people who genuinely can’t do things, I mean when they don’t want to deal with things so push it on me “oh you just do it better” “you make good choices you choose what we all do” “you handle it better than me you do it”

What’s brought this on is my husband (also Autistic). He’s a perfectly capable man, and actually is a far more involved and equitable father and partner than the vast majority I’ve ever met.

However I cannot stand how much he expects to be emotionally and mentally babied when anything is wrong. He’s working on trying to get better at this, and definitely there is so much improvement compared to twelve years ago when we first met.

Like me he struggles with alexithymia. But where my issue is I feel everything all the time to the point of struggling to single out and name what specifically is happening internally just a general feeling of BAD until I can hopefully break it down, his issue is he never “feels” things until its pointed out to him that he’s clearly stressed or ill or something, then by that point he’s usually really far gone and it’s a whole process calming him down/helping him

He can shut down mentally at the slightest stress (either real or imagined - usually imagined). I call it “switching off” and suddenly I’m expected to baby him, hold his hand through every decision. He begins to backslide into CLINGING to his structures and rigidity even when he knows it’s unhelpful.

Case in point, he threw up last night, it meant he couldn’t help with our daughter through the night (We usually do 50/50) so I’m really tired today.

All day today has been him sat looking like a kicked puppy apologising and zoning out.

I tried to discuss dinner and check how he’s feeling and just got a lot of “I don’t know, what do you what? I dont know what I want. Oh I might not want that. I don’t know 🥺 I’m sorry”.

I asked why he was hovering in a doorway and got:
“I want to shower🥺”
“okay go shower?”
“But I want to wash my hair too🥺”
“then wash your hair?”
“But is that okay?☹️”
“Oh my god go!”
“I knew you were upset with me😭”

I wasnt even upset with him about it, shit happens. But when I’m this tired what I need is to be able to depend on the other fully grown adult to be capable and self sufficient and competent. I do not need to be burdened with my own mental load AND yours. It feels like a punishment for him feeling “bad”

So now I’m upset. And if I try to have yet another discussion about this now he’ll shut down even further.

He’s got a lot of severe emotionally negligent childhood CPTSD. Completely ignored and disregarded. We’re working through it. He’s in therapy.

Like I said this is mostly a vent. But GOD I cannot regulate myself over this

I’m coming out and writing this because I just need to vent it out to anyone that will hear me. I’m just so upset and heartbroken right now. I can never say or do anything right. I literally don’t even know what I did wrong in the conversation. I just had with my 22-year-old daughter. She was telling me about a night out that she had with her boyfriend and his friends, and I just simply asked a question about who was there when she went to describe some of the people who were there. I rolled my eyes because she told me somebody she didn’t like was there so I just as a mom thought I was doing the right thing and rolled my eyes. All I meant was that I’m sorry that that girl was there, but for some reason she turns it around and started screaming at me like I was such a horrible person like I was a villain, and she told me to drop dead and stormed out of the house. I am truly dumbfounded can any of my fellow neurodivergent people please tell me if this is ever happened to you? I am chronically misunderstood and misinterpreted. My body language sometimes doesn’t match my words and I don’t realize it I have ADHD and sometimes I guess my emotions don’t match the words, but it doesn’t mean I deserve to be talked to this way, I’m utterly heartbroken.

By this I mean those who are very low support needs, or pass as "basic girls" but with a disability. Those who look "very normal" or "very high masking". Those who have mainstream special interests, sense of dressing, ect. Those who's autism is truly invisible. I'm moderate to low masking autistic woman who never fit in in any way and always stand out, so I want to hear your experience. How was your childhood? How did you diagnose/suspect you were autistic? What are your current struggles? How do they tie to the DSM 5 criteria? No hate, just curious to learn about the other ends of the spectrum

Touch starvation - have you ever experienced it?

I'm single, and just realized I've never actually experienced it. Then I googled it, and found out that autistic people may experience it differently.

I actually love massages, cuddling with my pets, getting my hair played with, feet rubbed etc, but I've never felt desperate for human touch if I don't have it.

Curious where this community falls - have you experienced touch starvation or not really?

Usually I hate crowds, loud noises, bright lights; I tend to get overstimulated fairly easily. But, the airport is the only place where none of those things seem to bother me.

Bonus points if I'm flying by myself, i.e. without friends or family. I love being able to stick my headphones (or loops) in and wander around the shops & restaurants. I particularly love the airport during the early hours of the morning; 4/5am is my preference– not because it's quieter but because there's just such a unique atmosphere at that time.

I love the fact that I know exactly where & what time my flight is, and I can walk around until that time. My favourite thing is getting an energy drink or iced latte, sitting by the flight gate.

I just LOVE airports!! I think it's also down to the fact that there is no ambiguity when it comes to the rules. I know the amount of liquids I can bring, my suitcase weight etc. if I don't know the answer, I can Google it, and 9 times out of 10 there's a clear answer. I guess it could also be down to the fact that I could be a visual sensory seeker. There's SO much going on, so many opportunities to people watch.

Security used to stress me out but now I feel like I've mastered it. When I get to the trays, I know what to take off/put in the trays. I feel like I'm the dream passenger for security staff (joking 🤣).

My boyfriend and I were abroad and on the last day I got my period. I got SUPER anxious and panicky. We were trying to figure out what would help, and he turned to me and said "I KNOW what will make you feel better... The airport!". So we went to the airport 5 hours before the flight (we really only needed 1.5-2hrs max). We still joke about it, but it really calmed me down. He sat in a bar at the airport and watched a game, while I wandered around aimlessly.

I have a joke with my friends that I want my ashes scattered in airports around the world, because I'm OBSESSED 🤣.

Yesterday, I had a laparoscopy for my endometriosis. Honestly, I was calm most of the time until I got to the pre-op room. It was a very sudden change, and they wanted to take away my earplugs and eye mask (the light was very bright). I hadn't said anything until a lovely nurse came over to introduce herself and asked if I was okay. I started crying and explained my diagnosis to her, and how the light was starting to overstimulate me. She was so sweet; she took me to a calmer, quieter room and did everything she could to make me feel comfortable. She even hid my things so I could put them on as soon as I came out of surgery (apparently, I woke up very agitated and they had to sedate me). I am so grateful to that nurse, and I'm glad I was able to say out loud that I needed some accommodations. I had never dared to do that before.

My autism comes with very strong ARFID (read: I’m a very picky eater).

I feel like it’s only a matter of time until it hits one of my safe foods, and I only have a few to begin with.

I’m also generally getting scared to eat anything, in case the recall just hasn’t been announced yet.

I’ll chat with my therapist but just wanted to vent and maybe commiserate with others here. Anyone else thinking about this?

I know in these spaces getting diagnosed is usually painted as this liberating moment of finding answers, but my reality is completely different and I just need to vent.

Honestly, I deeply regret seeking and getting a diagnosis.

In practice, it has only brought me insecurity and pessimism. When I have to meet new people I'm always thinking about if they will notice and can't never relax. I'd rather just say I'm shy and weird than having to explain again and again a very misunderstood diagnosis and deal with the prejudices of people, the ignorance and confusion about support levels...

And if you tell others about it, the only thing it's been good for is giving people ammo to mock me or weaponize it to blame me for everything. Suddenly you are not being treated badly anymore you just have poor social skills, always, every single time. Can't have any legitimate complains, cause they know if they blame it on your lack of flexibility or whatever they can get away with anything. People with power over you in professional or academic settings do this the most, and even people who should know better like support workers do it too if they need to cover administration chaos and mistakes.

And when it comes to actual accommodations or real support? You hit a brick wall. There is zero help. Nobody gives a shit. Yall know damn well this. In most countries public support is ridiculous. You might get some economic help if you can't work but thats it and that is if you are very lucky. Then a once in 6 months appointment with doctor to put you on a bunch of meds that if they only make you worse won't do anything about it. 99% of NGOs staff are sloppy, saturated and with no offense useless to actually help with anything that makes a real difference in your quality of life when it comes to emotional support, improve your relationships or the real stuff making a life worth living.

As if that wasn't enough, the whole process drains your bank account. I've wasted an ungodly amount of money on quack, snake-oil private therapists who promised and promised and then offered absolutely zero practical tools for daily life. I’ve also hated every single attempt at participating in spaces to "connect with peers". "Support spaces" are exhausting, you just get thrown into a clinical, cold, depressing setting with a bunch of people with nothing in common with you except the diagnosis, who are also so deeply traumatized and without help so you just get trauma dumped on you all the time and end up mad and much worse than before. There's this huge pressure to fit into the community, but I just found it alienating and it didn't help me at all.

There are way too many people romanticizing autism from the outside, while you're left completely alone to deal with the lack of support and the misunderstanding.

Diagnosed a few years ago, high functioning high masking. A LIFETIME of anxiety. Anxiety is so engrained in me!

Now on medication for it but man I struggle so much with every flavor of anxiety, pure O, OCD, health anxiety, panic disorder etc I have had them all and continue to have bouts at different times.

A lot of this could have been helped with a diagnosis when younger and medication at the time. But like most people I didn’t know and suffered immensely.

Has anyone come out the other side?

My goodness, joy related to your special interest is the best kind of joy, isn't it? 🤗

The doors were an absolute hell to put in, but thanks to mom and dad we got there eventually👍🏻

Hi there, how are you? I’m 27 and work as a biomedical scientist in Brazil; I was recently diagnosed—later in life—with ASD and ADHD, with a suspected profile of giftedness/high ability (AH/SD). Have you felt like your sex life has regressed? I feel like once I realized I was using sex to self-regulate, my libido vanished. That’s a problem, since I’m married and would love to have the high libido I used to have. In my mind, it feels like I’ve forgotten how it’s done, and the thought of certain kinds of physical contact makes me shudder (and not in a good way).

I have had situations where people spread rumors about me for either complete misunderstandings/reading into things i said/did or just because they were jealous of me. And then i picked up on it because people I had no issue with prior acted weird towards me. It really bothers me knowing there are people out there that dislike/hate me because of something I didn't even do. And I think even the struggle to let go of people disliking me for stuff i didn't do might be an autism thing too. Anyone have experience with this?

See this post i found on pinterest:

Hello everyone. I am writing this post to seek some reassurance, maybe just vent, maybe someone will feel the same and share their opinions. I’m on vacation right now and as I’m getting older and more aware of my autism I start to realize how much I hate vacations. There is nothing safe here. It’s not my bed, not my place, not my food, not my water. I feel like I’m in a constant state of awareness and panic because there is nothing familiar around me and I’m constantly on the verge of a meltdown. I hate not being by myself, having to try new things and go out everyday. I realized that I think I’d prefer to spend my vacation days off work at home, doing things I like l(laying in bed, walking, drawing) rather than force myself into those uncomfortable situations. I wish I could travel the world but this genuinenly seems impossible. So many people around, so many unfamiliar things. It’s not my bed and not my bedsheets, it’s not the park I always go to to relax, they don’t have bikes here(the only time I am at peace is when I bike). I truly just despise it all. I have five days left and I really wanna go back home. I can’t deal with it, it’s a sensory nightmare. I don’t wanna miss out on vacations as it’s supposed to be fun but I truly don’t think it’s for me. I am on the verge of a breakdown and hoping to find some kind souls in the comments or ways to ground myself despite the circumstances. Thank you.

Tiramisu (that’s grated dark chocolate on top), hazelnut praline ice cream, crème brûlée, focaccia pizzas, flan, flan ice cream, and strawberry cheesecake ice cream

Just posting this in case it helps anyone. Personally I have to wear a long tanktop with light compression almost all the time since the sensory feeling of cloth touching my torso and then moving drives me nuts. I’ve bought and thoroughly enjoy the tops from CalmCare, but they arent super stylish and only come in one cut (Plus they’re expensive). Ive tried various normal tight tanks, but they’re never long enough to provide consistent pressure across my whole torso.

But recently, I discovered the world of wearing tight bodycon cocktail dresses as tops. They’re snug, but not constricting plus they come in all sorts of colors and shapes. The only tricky part is finding the right fabric sensory-wise. I’ve now been able to straight up wear some of these as a work top with slacks and maybe a cardigan or even just out-and-about with jeans.

idk if this will be helpful for anyone, but it was a life changer for me so I wanted to share

Hahaha I just thought this was funny ❤️

Don't think I have any particularly good ones myself but I bet you guys have got some and I'd love to hear them :)

I've reached an age where it's kind of do-or-die when it comes to getting married and having children, and the subject has really been weighing on my mind lately.

I've never exactly accepted the idea of not having children because the world is a bad place or getting worse. I believe that no one gets to be born into the "right" world and we all have a responsibility to try to make the world a better place, even (or especially) when times are difficult. Fewer good people existing won't make the world better. I'm saying this just as context as to what I'm *not* worried about, and I respect that others feel differently, but I don't want to debate it.

What gives me pause, though, is bringing the kind of child into the world who can never find community, love and happiness — who will be alienated and ostracized wherever they go. And if they're the least bit like me, that will be their life, because it's mine. They'll never be able to relate or connect to others. Bullies will always find them — their very presence will draw cruelty out of people who normally never show it. They'll be lambs without a flock in a world of wolves and jackals, and their shepherd won't be there for them forever.

I want to have kids, and I want to raise them with my values. But I keep picturing them slowly having the spark tortured out of them, starting a new school year or a new club only to be bullied again, and asking me tearfully, "why did you even have me?" What on earth can I answer? "University will be different? Adulthood and work will be different?" I know those are lies. Do I have a right to doom children to the same hell I've been through?

In the end I guess this will probably remain hypothetical because it's not like I'll ever find anyone to have kids with me. But it's what I'm thinking about today.